Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYRSjUDFLHw 

Here are parts 1 and 2:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/how-did-florida-man-save-christmas-newt.html

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/how-did-florida-man-save-christmas-part.html

We should be able to finish this today unless Newt reveals that he created both AVGN and the Irate Gamer or something.

13:30 – “So after I was let go (FROM SCREENWAVE) and I was at my fucking lowest, I met with a producer friend of mine who was just like, ‘Look, ultimately, I was going to try to steal you away from that last job anyway to start re-booting Schlock and Awe so why don’t we go do this now’”.

What?  There was a producer…whatever that even means, I don’t know what a producer does, to be honest.  And this person was going to steal Newt from Screenwave so that Newt can work on Schlock and Awe, which is Newt’s own “production company.”  I don’t get it.  How can you steal somebody so that they can work at their own production company?  

I must be missing something.  So let’s imagine that this producer has a company and he’s saying that he wanted to poach Newt from Screenwave so that Newt can work at this producer’s company.  Why would anybody do that?  What has Newt done that makes him so desirable to the film industry?  He made one god awful “tits and gore” movie, on a budget of $5,000, that he made himself, that nobody has seen.  He was also working on Justin Silverman’s weird Youtube channels years ago, I think mostly in an off-camera capacity.  And then he did Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies for a few months.

I know that he’s done behind the scenes stuff and he probably learned how to make Youtube videos.  Shit about cameras and audio and whatnot and that’s good.  I’m not diminishing the fact that Newt has learned stuff about making videos over the years.  But who really cares?  Why does that make him such a big shot in the film industry that people are trying to hire him away from other companies?

Anyway, Newt reveals that the Florida Man comic book is supposed to be like a calling card for the Florida Man movie.  So…if people like the comic book, they might be interested in the movie.  

I just can’t get over the fact that he’s putting so much faith into this Florida Man concept, everything hinges on Florida Man, he thinks that Florida Man is really good but then…he didn’t bother to give the character an original name.  

Let’s assume that Newt’s Florida Man is a genuinely great idea with a great story and everybody is going to love it.  The name is fucking terrible.  Aside from the fact that there are MANY existing comics that use the Florida Man name, and there’s a whole “meme” about Florida Man, which is the basis for the joke in this Florida Man comic, which are both MASSIVE problems, the name is just bad.  It’s stupid.  This doesn’t interest me.  Florida Man?  It’s boring.  

And then look at the design of the character.  Florida Man is some sort of superhero tits and gore bullshit.  He’s going to be fighting colourful enemies and doing wacky shit and having sex with the ladies.  Why not give him a cool costume?  Or make him an anthropomorphic goat?  Something.  Florida Man is just a big fat guy with a boring as fuck name.  

14:30 – “So I got together with Matt Cline, who is a comic book writer who I worked with on an anthology book called The Adventures of Sam Hayne: Trick and Treat and it was like a Scooby Doo/Batman kind of thing.”

Oh.  Another original idea by Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen.  Scooby Doo with tits and gore.  That’s what we all want.

By the way, there are no Google results for this thing.  Google suggests it might be Samhain but there aren’t any results for that either.  So…did this ever get made?  At least it’s an original title.

15:30 – Newt is just naming random people who worked on…something…I don’t even know.  And he mentions that he went to one of these guy’s homes and cried about getting fired from Screenwave.  

Newt can’t seem to accept that he was rightly fired.  Maybe Newt had too much work, maybe Newt was underpaid, maybe it’s complete bullshit that James Rolfe can’t write his own film reviews, but Newt was the one who did the plagiarism.  He deserves to get fired for that.  If nothing else, just for how incredibly lazy it was.  

I’ve plagiarised many times in school but I didn’t just copy this shit verbatim.  I changed the words around.  And I was doing this before the internet so it was harder to catch plagiarism anyway.  I could have easily just copied everything verbatim from books or my Encarta CD and nobody would have been the wiser.  But I didn’t do that.  I went the extra step and changed some of the words.

Newt just went to that fucking blog, pressed control C, control V, and said, “I’m done.  Moving on.  Where’s Horseface?  I want to talk to Horseface.”

16:45 – “This is an idea, just like Planet Frankenstein, that it came out fully formed in my head.”

Yeah.  After reading these “memes” about Florida Man.  

17:00 – “This is the funniest, most creative thing I’ve ever written in my entire life.”

I don’t doubt it.  And, just like everything else you do, it’s ripping off wholesale from other people’s ideas and adding tits and gore.

“I’m very hard on myself and I don’t believe that I’m a writer.”

We can all agree with that.

“I’m an ideas man, as I was told at my last job.”

Yeah.  Other people’s ideas.  Newt is a curator of other people’s ideas.

17:30 – Newt is going to New Jersey Horror Con…or something…and will be selling 250 numbered issues of the “ashcan” version of this comic.  If you’re unfamiliar, “ashcan” comics were a scam that were perpetrated in the 1990s.  They were like pencilled, shitty versions of a comic and released in “limited” numbers in attempt to interest speculators.  None of these “ashcan” comics are worth any money today.

It’s based on an older concept where comic publishers would release a comic in very low print numbers of a title that they’re not particularly interested in but for copyright purposes, they had to release a comic of this title every few years or the copyright would lapse.  Something like that.  So they would just release a shitty version of this comic to keep the copyright going.  And these genuine ashcan comics, so-called because they belong in the ashcan/trashcan/rubbish bin are worth money today.

Anyway, then Newt is going to sell any of these 250 that don’t sell online.  

I’m trying to think if 250 was a good number to have printed.  I mean, it’s probably the minimum order.  And 250 isn’t that bad, I guess.  Even if he only sell, say, 50, he can still have 200 copies in his home and that wouldn’t take up that much space.  Especially since he sold his comic collection to fund this thing.  He presumably had more than 200 comics.

18:00 – Then he starts talking about the Kickstarter for the remaining 11 issues of this proposed series.  It has some amazing incentives, according to Newt.  I’m intrigued.  Tell me more, Newt.

Oh, he just moves on.  What would be some good incentives?  Maybe there’s a tier where Newt will write your research paper for school or college or whatever.  You see this shit.  You can pay people to write your research papers.  But Newt will just copy and paste the paper from Wikipedia or wherever.  Personalised plagiarism.  

“I’m so excited about this because you could tell stories about this character forever.”

Indeed.  They’ve been making “memes” about Florida Man since at least 2011.  And there’s that Florida Man comic that was released last year.  

18:30 – “All these little sight gags that I wanted, like on the map of Florida, there’s a line pointing to it and I wrote, ‘America’s dick’”

This is the sort of hilarity we can expect from Florida Man Saves Christmas.  Come on, Newt.  Don’t give away all of the best jokes.  

18:45 – “I just wanted to make this folk hero and do something that nobody else has done.”

https://floridamancomics.com/

By the way, here’s Mike Baron’s Florida Man Kickstarter:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/chrisbraly/florida-man-the-graphic-novel

Not to be confused with Newt Wallen’s Florida Man Kickstarter.  

There are 103 backers and he raised $2,789.  That’s from a professional comic book writer.  It says that he won multiple Eisner Awards.  That must be the comic book equivalent of the Oscar.

Only 103 people.  Less than $3,000 raised.  And his comic is 64 pages.  That’s a double-sized comic, in the industry.  Newt’s comic is only 24 pages or something.  So you get way more for your money with Mike Baron’s Florida Man.

Here’s the description of the comic:

Gary Duba’s having a bad day. There’s a snake in his toilet, a rabid raccoon in the yard, and his gal Krystal’s in jail for getting naked at a Waffle Castle and licking the manager. Gary is just a southern redneck living in a trailer down by the swamp, but he’s got dreams, big dreams. But it seems like every time he tries to get ahead, fate deals him a low blow.

Yeah.  

103 backers.  And that guy has 50 years of experience as a comic book writer.  I don’t know who the artist is but it looks like comic book art.  It appears to be in full colour.  Only 103 people were interested.

How many people are going to buy Newt’s comic?  I mean…it’s sad.  I don’t know what he was thinking.  If he’s just making a comic on a lark because he thinks it would be fun and something creative to do, fine.  But he thinks that he’s going to be able to quit his job over this.  It’s completely delusional.

The banner on my blog cost like $200.  Each character was $25 or something but there was a discount if you got more than one character.  There were also extra fees for props.  I don’t remember.  And I had two other characters (Pelvic Gamer and John Riggs) so it was 9 characters in total.  

Two hundred dollars for a banner for a blog that makes no money is stupid.  And nobody cares about the banner.  But when I look at it, it always brings me a little joy.  You have Ali making the “O” face, Erin struggling with a video game, and homoerotic Tony in his Aladdin outfit.  It’s funny.  So for me, it was worth the $200.

But I don’t plan on retiring off of the blog.  This banner wasn’t an investment.  Whatever.

18:45 – “I wanted to prove my worth a little bit as well, like, ‘Oh yeah, I actually have some okay ideas sometimes.”

Such as?

19:00 – “I hope that even the people who don’t talk to me are proud of me.”

He’s talking about Horseface, of course.  Do you suppose that Horseface cares AT ALL about Newt’s ridiculous projects?  I think that she pretended to give a fuck about any of this because Newt was putting her in these stupid projects.  I assume that she was getting paid something and she just likes the attention anyway.  But there’s no fucking way that she cares about this comic book, for example.  

“I had to change a lot of stuff to take out people who don’t work with me anymore.”

So Horseface was even in the comic?  Is that what he’s saying?  Unbelievable.

Yeah, that it what he was saying.  Crystal Quin was even in this fucking Florida Man comic book.

19:30 – “Even if the Kickstarter doesn’t work, I’m going to make something out of it.”

Well, Mike Baron wasn’t able to make it work.  What hope does Newt have?  

20:00 – “Maybe one day it will be a video game.  Maybe one day it will be a feature film.”

Florida Man.  It’s just…well, I think that I’ve covered my concerns about the project already.  Let’s move on.

20:45 – “I love cursing and boobs and slime and monsters and Southern fried shenanigans so that’s what Florida Man is.”

Well, I like…some of those things, anyway.  But that’s not a story.  These are just random elements.  

23:30 – “Hopefully we sell those 250 copies so that I feel good about myself for once.”

I don’t think that pity is a good sales tactic.  

And basing your self-worth on these get rich quick schemes is a terrible idea.  Why not focus on getting a fulfilling job or a girlfriend or a hobby?  

So that’s the video.  At least he was…somewhat…tempering his expectations.  For a brief time in this, he contemplated what would happen if the comic didn’t sell.  He was saying something like it would still be a success because it’s something that he wanted to do.  So fine.

– “I am sure you heard of the “Preston and Steve” radio show on WMMR. They on occasion run a segment called “Florida Man.” It consists of strange news stories that involve men from Florida. Always hilarious.”

Newt replies, “I listen to them on my drives to work.”

– “I’ve had this idea for years, about a daily show style news story involving Florida man. The police respond to a call about a man wrestling an alligator. Upon investigating the scene, they find out the gator is a pool toy, and the dude is tripping balls.”

It seems that a lot of people have had this Florida Man idea.  It’s a popular meme.  I guess.

– “This is awesome man. I live in Florida. I wish I could drive up to NJ horror con. Also I can’t wait for the comic to come out. Ps- thanks for the writing advice over on twitter. It really helped.”

I laughed out loud at this.

How come nobody ever approaches me for writing advice?  I’m not saying that I’m Tennessee Williams but I write well.  It’s funny.  It’s mostly grammatically correct.  There’s a clear voice.  I have a style.  Teachers and professors always told me that I write well.

I’m also a professional writer.  I wrote a few articles for a blog years ago and got paid.  That counts.  

And there’s the blog.  The blog is great.  Three years of daily, long-form, high-quality articles.  

My writing is much better than Newt’s.  Look at his Twitter.  It’s full of spelling and grammar errors and he’s never written anything interesting on there.

I should run a writing clinic.  Newt should be coming to me for writing advice.  

– “Just about every radio station in Florida runs a segment at some point where they cover Florida man. I didn’t have a chance to look through all of the comments on this video, but if you’re ever searching for some more ideas the reason why Florida man is so common is because Florida has something called the Sunshine State law. What that means is that anything that is public record has to be available for everyone. Since it is, you get to hear more about the crazy people in Florida than any other state.”

– “Still blows my mind the Californians could be short sighted on Florida man. When even Czech people know about it, it’s not just some east coast thing”

So it seems like this is a phenomena.  People know about this Florida Man meme.  And that’s all this is.  Newt just made a comic about this fucking meme like so many other people have done before him..

At least we got through the video.  Erin released a new video.  Just some shitty Twitch stream but it will be a relief to get away from Newt for at least a little while.  I get the feeling that NewtMania is going to be running wild this month, what with the comic book being released and all.  Hopefully, I’m able to get a copy.  

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYRSjUDFLHw

Let’s try to get through this.  I left off at 5:00 with Newt revealing that there are other comic books called Florida Man.  Multiple ones.  And in spite of this, he’s still going to use the name Florida Man.

Here’s part 1, by the way:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/how-did-florida-man-save-christmas-newt.html

5:30 – “The bulk of the action takes place at the North Pole Dancers, which is a Santa Claus-themed strip joint owned by a gentleman named Futard.”

This is so terrible.  I came into this comic book idea with rock bottom expectations.  The more I learn about this, it’s even WORSE than I thought it would be.

6:00 – He stole some mascot costume from some website.  He gives the website.  Newt, is there even a single ORIGINAL idea in this thing?

6:15 – He also stole stuff from Escape from New York.

7:30 – “I came up with this hilarious thing and the more I talked to people about it, the more excited they got about it.”

These people do not have his interests at heart.  It’s not good to humour somebody when we’re talking about them spending their life’s savings on reprehensible garbage that has absolutely no chance of success.  

I can not imagine any scenario where Newt’s independent comic, which “borrows” HEAVILY from other people’s ideas, is going to make Newt ANY money.  Newt is not going to make a million dollars from this.  He’s not going to make $10,000 from this.  He literally is not going to make $0.01 from this.  This is going to be a massive net loss.

There’s more to life than money.  Maybe he just wants to create something magical for the world to enjoy to scratch his creative itch.

This isn’t it.  There is no artistic merit to anything that Newt has ever made.  All of his ideas are exactly the same.  “Tits and gore” is not art.  It’s trash.  

So this is a total waste of time and money.  These people who are encouraging him are not good people.  I’m not even friends with Newt and I’m telling him that he should stop this shit right now.  This is what his actual friends should be telling him.  

7:45 – He puts this project on par with another shitty project of his: Planet Frankenstein.  Another zero effort, “tits and gore” project of some description where he just rips off other people’s ideas.  

8:00 – “I remember we were filming something at the Liberty Lake Day Camp, where we filmed a lot of our stuff, which is kind of near to the hotel that I used to run.  Afterwards, my former production partner and I went out to eat and I’m explaining to her the story and she’s like, ‘I don’t fucking know what you’re talking about.  That doesn’t make sense.  Why are you wasting your time?’”

Is he talking about Horseface?  I assume he is.  It’s the only woman ever in his stories.  So Crystal Quin was telling him that his ideas are stupid and he shouldn’t bother.  Well, maybe she’s not all bad then.  I mean, this is what you have to do.  When somebody tells you that they’re going to do something incredibly stupid, it’s your job as a friend to say, “Hey, don’t do that stupid thing.”

8:30 – “Then I said, ‘Go look at the Florida Man book(?).  Go look at it.’  

Oh yeah.  It’s Horseface.  He starts talking about how much of a part of his life Horseface was and how she was his “muse”.  It’s so creepy when he says that.  I don’t know why he doesn’t get it.

8:45 – “Everything I wrote was for her to get these things made.”

This is the problem.  Everything is “tits and gore” because he’s always horny, thinking about Horseface, when he’s writing this stuff.  Go jerk off and THEN write.  Then maybe your mind will be clear enough, at least for a few minutes, maybe up to an hour, to be able to write something halfway decent.  

“She told me that it was brilliant.”

Fuck.  There goes my budding newfound respect for Horseface.

“I have the text message still where she told me that it was brilliant and I hold on to that.”

Oh fuck is this creepy.  Let me remind everyone that we’re talking about Crystal Quin.  Horseface McGee.  That horrible, horrible woman from Talking About Tapes who only ever talks about hot actresses who she wants to have sex with.  

“Even though, you know, we don’t talk to each other any more.”

And he’s about to start crying.  WE KNOW you don’t talk to her any more.  You mention this in every fucking video.  GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

I just…HORSEFACE!  This is the most baffling and pathetic thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

9:00 – “Because it’s one of the few times that I got, ‘You’re really good and smart’ from…you know.  I’m really insecure and I have really low self-esteem and whenever somebody reads something of mine and tells me it’s good, it makes me feel good because I’m so used to being rejected by people for my scripts.”

As you should be.  When every fucking script is the same, “tits and gore”, and it’s all ripping off other people’s ideas, OF COURSE people are going to say, “This is terrible.”  These ideas are objectively bad.  Why can’t he write anything different?  Why does he have 1000 different script ideas and they’re all “tits and gore”?  Try a different genre?  Maybe it would help the creative process.  

Has ANYBODY written a good “tits and gore” script?  It’s not a genre that lends itself to award-winning work.  There’s no Oscar category for “Best Tits and Gore Film”.  

I don’t understand any of this.  This is not normal behaviour.  If you want to make a movie, fine.  Thousands of people have done it before.  Maybe millions.  They’re making films about all kinds of things.  They keep it simple because they have a low budget.  They focus on the fucking script.  Not camera angles.  Not how many boobies will be in the movie.  The script.  What would be a good, interesting story to tell?  

No, Newt just keeps making the same fucking “tits and gore” bullshit that NOBODY WANTS.  And instead of listening to these people who say, “Hey, this sucks dick.  Why don’t you try something else?” he keeps doing the same fucking thing.  

If he’s unable to write something else, something that’s actually fucking interesting, then do something else with your life.  What’s the big deal?  

I had things that I wanted to do.  And I tried and I failed.  I didn’t keep fucking pursuing this shit.  I didn’t keep wasting time and money on it.  I found something else.  This is normal.  Everybody has these experiences.  

There are women who I liked and then they stopped talking to me.  I was sad about it but I didn’t obsess about it for months and years later.  I just fucking moved on.  Went out with other women.

Maybe your new job or interest or whatever will be better than this failed job or interest.  Maybe you’ll like it more.  Maybe you’ll be better at it.  Maybe it will be more fulfilling.  

Maybe you’ll find a girlfriend who’s better than this woman who stopped talking to you.  Maybe you’ll find somebody who isn’t a total bitch.  Maybe you’ll find somebody who doesn’t look like a horse.

He doesn’t seem to get any of this.  

9:30 – “So a bunch of people read it and I was offered to do it as a video game.”

What?  Florida Man: The Video Game?  Who made that offer?  Who could have possibly made such an offer?  The idea hardly lends itself to video games.  I can’t even think of any “tits and gore” video games.  And Florida Man is hardly a marketable character.  It’s boring.  It’s a big fat guy with a beard named “Florida Man”.  And the name is already used by MULTIPLE other intellectual properties.

“And I was offered to do it like an adult Choose Your Own Adventure thing like with your Alexa.”

I don’t even really know what Alexa is but a Choose Your Own Tits and Gore Adventure book…like those erotic fiction hentai games.  I guess that I can see that working.  Maybe that’s the kind of video game that he was talking about.  One of those boring hentai games where you can choose to have sex with the blue haired maid or the woman with the cat ears.

9:45 – “I said, ‘No, I want to do this as a movie.’  So we went out in 2019 to the American Film Market, myself, this production partner (Horseface), and a producer.  We got in the room and we had some meetings.  Every single person I spoke to about it told me. ‘That’s the dumbest fucking thing I ever heard, maybe on the East Coast people care about that shit, nobody cares about that shit here.’”

Even those people were charitable.  NOBODY cares about these shit “tits and gore” stories of yours.  Nobody wants to fucking watch this trash.  A story about a homeless man and daemons and strippers?  No.  It’s stupid.  This is not a movie.  This is nothing.  These are the ramblings of a lunatic.  

It’s the same fucking shit that James Rolfe does but with added tits.  Just take a bunch of wacky ideas and throw them into the movie.  The more wacky ideas the better.  

Look at how well it worked for James Rolfe.  That fucking disaster of a movie.  Angry Video Game: The Movie.  Here are the zombies and here’s a guy in a tiny tank and here’s a giant monster and here are some boobies.  

No.  Where’s the fucking story?  That’s what we want.  A bunch of zany, unconnected bullshit is not a movie.  It’s just trash.  

James was in special education for seven and a half years so I get why he does this.  How many years of special education did Newt have?   Why can he not get this?  

10:15 – “Justin Daniels is the inspiration for Florida Man.  I have three muses: I have that production partner (HORSEFACE), I have Justin Daniels, and I have Mr Lobo.”

Oh.  Justin Daniels is that weird bearded guy who sometimes appears on PegWarmers with his weird wife.  Somebody should get in touch with him and tell him to have a talk with Newt to stop this fucking bullshit.  There needs to be an intervention of some sort.  Newt…this is never going to work, your scripts are all painfully bad, concentrate on something else.”

11:30 – “So I went to go work for the last company that I worked for (SCREENWAVE MEDIA) and I kind of put it out of my mind for a while.”

Well, we can thank Screenwave for that at least.

“So I put that on the back burner while I was working for other people, making other people’s dreams come true.”

How so?  Plagiarising movie reviews?  Telling youth hockey stories with Tony from Hack the Movies?  What the fuck was this guy doing that was so amazing?  “Oh, I’m going to make James’ dreams come true by pressing control C and control V.”  No.  Even lazy ass Jimmy Rolfe could have done that.  He didn’t need you to do it.  

“And picking up the slack for people who make a lot more money than me who should have been writing.”

I agree with that.  But even if Newt was doing a competent job on these reviews and not just copying and pasting, it’s hardly making Jimmy’s dreams come true.  Does Jimmy dream of doing bad Youtube videos?  

I suppose that Newt and Screenwave generally are keeping Jimmy propped up.  They’re continuing to churn out “content” for Jimmy and thereby keep the money rolling in for Jimmy.  But the videos are all bad and this is not going to last forever.  This is not Jimmy reaching his dreams.  This is Jimmy fending off working at Wawa for another year.  

I mean, I wouldn’t want to help some lazy autistic retard like that either.  Fuck Jimmy.  Go work at Wawa.  But I wouldn’t describe this work as helping Jimmy reach his dreams.

11:45 – “There was talk about doing it over there but it had to be cleaned up and changed but I wanted it to be that dirty, with nudity and gore and foul language and sleazy fun.”

We know.  You’ve pitched this same idea to possibly thousands of people, thousands of times, and they’ve all told you that it’s bad.  Why are you not getting this?  YOU like tits and gore but NOBODY else does.

12:30 – “So after the last company fired me and everybody was like, ‘You’re not a real writer.  You p—pl—steal from people and shit like that’”

Plagiarise, Newt.  What you did was plagiarism.  Just say it.  That’s what it was.  

But forget the plagiarism.  His ACTUAL work, stuff that isn’t control C, control V, is AWFUL.  It’s all “tits and gore”.  And again, he steals wholesale from other people’s work.  Even in this non-Monster Madness shit.  He openly says it.  Everything he does, he says, “It’s like this other thing.”  But with tits and gore.

“That’s what people are going to think of me from now on: that nothing I ever do is original.”

Exactly right.  Those people are right.  Listen to those people, Newt.  They’re telling you the truth.  Just like all of those big shot Hollywood producers who told you that your scripts are shit.  This is reality.  

“Yeah, in the past, for Midnight Show posters, I’ve had the artist copy famous movie posters.”

Let’s not even get into homages or parodies.  You don’t have a single original idea and you can’t write.  That’s the reality.

It’s not even a harsh reality.  Big deal.  Do something else.  

You also presumably can’t draw, or else you would have drawn the comic.  Does that bother you?  No.  People have different talents for different things.  Drawing is not a talent of yours, writing is not a talent.  DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Oh my god.  I’m at 13:30 and Newt seems to be going into a new, weird chapter.  So I’ll end it here.  This will have to be in three parts.  

Part 3:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/how-did-florida-man-save-christmas-part_0222176110.html

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYRSjUDFLHw

0:30 – The genesis for Florida Man was in 2013 when Newt was working in a hotel in New Jersey.  He encountered a homeless man while taking out the trash.  This homeless man was bearded and presented Newt with a couple of equestrian medals.  He was wearing a t-shirt that said “Epcot” so Newt thought, “Epcot…Florida…Florida Man.”

2:00 – “From 2015 to 2019, I hit this serious time where I was very, very creative and I pumped out an insane amount of screenplays.”

Oh sure.  Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen over here.  

Big Titty Cyborg Massacre
Zonar: The Busty Barbarian
Jugs Ahoy! Naked Pirates of Death

He was cranking this shit out.  In more ways than one.  Newt is just FULL of ideas.  As long as we’re talking strictly about tits and gore.  If it’s not tits and gore, Newt isn’t interested.  

He’s watching Gone with the Wind.  “What the hell is this?  Why are none of these bitches naked?  How come nobody is getting their head chopped off?”

2:30 – In 2015, Newt was now working at a cinema, and one of his employees needed help with his homework.  I’m not even joking.  It was about American folk heroes.  So Newt started unleashing his knowledge about Paul Bunyan and Johnny Appleseed and whatnot and this further cemented the idea, in Newt’s mind, that Florida Man should be an American folk hero.

3:15 – Oh…this one is subtle.  Either he didn’t explain it well or I’m misinterpreting this or I’m just really on the ball today.

But he makes a vague reference to how in news reports, when somebody is unknown, they’ll refer to the person as “Florida man”, if he’s from Florida.  So like, “Florida Man Shoots up Walmart.  Still at Large”, for example.  

So Newt’s idea is that what if this generic “Florida man” was actually one person doing all of these things?  He’d be a folk…hero?  I guess.  

4:30 – “It took me three weeks to write over 200 pages.”

How many of them were good, though?  We’re looking for quality over quantity here, Newt.  We don’t want 500 bad scripts, we want 1 good one.  

“I used the structure of Beowulf to do the layout.”

Where does he even know this from?  He read the Old English original?  There was a film adaptation years ago, and I saw it in the cinema, but I don’t remember anything about it.  It was a weird animation or CGI type thing but as for the story, I don’t remember anything.  Maybe that’s what he knows it from.

“The next piece that fell into place was the title: Florida Man Saves Christmas.  I thought that that was eye-catching enough that people would be like, ‘What the fuck is this?’  Because there are other Florida Man comic books but they’re always more like true crime or this loveable white trash loser.”

Wait…what?  There are other Florida Man comics?  And he knew this and still used this title?  Let me look this up.

https://floridamancomics.com/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B097HRLS8D?

There’s one from about June 2021.  It’s a comedic comic book about a redneck from Florida.  There’s one review on Amazon.  The reviewer gives the comic 1 star out of 5.  I’m getting a glimpse of the future here.

If you go to the guy’s website, there’s a “sexy” drawing of a crocodile removing a bikini-clad woman’s g-string.  Again…same fucking shit as Newt is doing.

Has it worked for this guy?  Is the comic book industry falling over themselves to hire Mike Baron?  Is Mike Baron independently wealthy from these shit comics that he churns out?

https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-text&rh=p_27%3AMike+Baron&s=relevancerank&text=Mike+Baron

Actually, if you click the “Mike Baron” link on Amazon, you get the above page.  He’s written a lot of stuff.  He’s written Punisher comics, Star Wars, Swamp Thing, Daredevil, The Flash.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Baron

There’s his Wikipedia page.  He’s written for Marvel, DC, and some of the bigger tertiary publishers.  He’s been doing this since 1974.  He’s in his 70s.  He’s won industry awards for his writing.  

He also does independent comics, like Florida Man.  I don’t know if he owns the character or is just doing it for some tiny company.

Newt knows this.  Newt knows that there’s an existing character called Florida Man, which seems to have a similar tits and lowbrow humour theme, and he still went ahead with this.  Why didn’t he just change the fucking name?  It’s not like “Florida Man” is a good name.  It’s SHIT.  It’s something that would take two seconds to come up with.

It’s unbelievable.  Won’t Mike Baron go after Newt for copyright infringement now?  Maybe Florida Man is so generic a name that you can’t copyright it.  But that just leads to more problems.  Why didn’t Newt choose a name that could be granted copyright protection?  

The man was fired from Screenwave for plagiarism.  So now he’s concentrating on his comic, which is basically Beowulf with tits and gore.  And the name of the character is the same name as an existing character.  The existing Florida Man comic is similar in theme to Newt’s Florida Man comic.

Newt thinks that he’s going to get wealthy from this thing.  He’s going to be able to quit his job.  

As a kid, I had a comic book called Araknis.  It was obviously a rip off of Spider-Man.  It was not a success.

Nevertheless, Araknis was a much more original character than Newt’s Florida Man is.  He didn’t look like Spider-Man.  He was some kind of spider daemon/human hybrid as opposed to somebody who was bitten by a radioactive spider.  And the name of the fucking character was different.  They didn’t just name the character “Spider-Man” and say, “Oh, but this is a different Spider-Man.”

I mean…Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen.  Should be Newt “Other People’s Ideas” Wallen.

I know that I should just move on but how could he possibly go ahead with this?  It’s insane.  He’s using the same fucking name as an existing character.  And Newt’s character is similar to this existing character.  And he knows all of this.  

Mike Baron is a professional comic book writer with 50 years of experience in the industry.  Newt Wallen…I don’t even want to give Newt’s writing credits and demerits.  It’s just unbelievable.  Why didn’t he at least change the fucking name?  It’s so incredibly lazy.  This is how he got caught plagiarising for Monster Madness.  He didn’t even bother changing the words around.  

All he had to do was call the character Georgia Man.  Would it have made a difference?  Call him Rural Pennsylvania Man.  What the fuck does it matter?  Just come up with something ORIGINAL.  FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.

4:45 – “But nobody had done Trailer Trash Lovecraft or White Trash Hellboy.”

But we already have the collected works of HP Lovecraft.  We already have Hellboy.  Somebody already came up with these ideas.  

I know that original ideas are in short supply.  I know that the entertainment industry rips off other people’s ideas all of the time.  I know that comic books are perhaps particularly bad offenders when it comes to ripping off other people’s ideas.

How many Superman rip offs are there?  Shazam.  Supreme.  Prime.  If you look this shit up, you’ll find literally hundreds.

But there’s not one example of somebody calling their ripoff character “Superman”.  

Oh my fucking god.  How much have I written already?  Fuck.  I have to do this in two parts.  

Newt, this is unbelievably bad.  I know that the comics are already printed so this isn’t going to be easy.  But purchase every bottle of White Out that you can find and remove every reference to “Florida Man” in every single comic.  Then write a NEW name in there.  An ORIGINAL name.  

Assuming that there’s an issue two of this shit, use this NEW and ORIGINAL name.  I’ve given you two suggestions already: Georgia Man and Rural Pennsylvania Man.  I’ve looked these up.  There don’t seem to be existing comic characters with either of these names.  I give you permission to use either of these names.  

Fucking part 2 tomorrow.  There’s another 20 minutes of this shit.

Parts 2 and 3:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/how-did-florida-man-save-christmas-part.html

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/how-did-florida-man-save-christmas-part_0222176110.html

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpmR450t1No

This video was originally entitled, “MORBIUS Sucks”.  He changed it.  He seems to do this a lot.  Something he learned at Screenwave, perhaps.  

0:15 – Ooh.  We get to see the PVC bondage girl.  No bondage gear today but she has her dog collar on and a tight black tank top.  If you squint, I think that you can see her pierced nipples in this thing.  And she’s wearing a lot of eye makeup.

I don’t care what anyone says, I like the PVC Bondage Girl.  She’ll never replace the chubby Asian woman from Screenwave, but PVC Bondage Girl is definitely number two on my Hot Babes of the Gamer Grrls Blog list.  And there are only two people on the list.

I’ve been thinking a lot about moving back to the US lately.  I could make a lot of money.  Even if I only moved there for a couple of years and then moved back to the UK, it would be good because I’d have fucking stacks of cash saved up which I could then use to buy a house.  Get a house in a nice little town somewhere in the UK.  Then get a job in an office or something just to pay the bills and keep myself occupied.  Ride it out into retirement.

Or maybe I’d actually like living in the US.  Or at least like making good money.  So I’d stay there.

Maybe I should look for work in the greater Pennsylvania area.  It doesn’t have to be directly in rural Pennsylvania.  Even as far north as New York City would be feasible.  Then I could let PVC Bondage Girl know that I’m interested in maybe getting a coffee or something.  And love would bloom from there.  

So anyway, PVC Bondage Girl broke her glasses and she glued them together but the glue doesn’t seem to be holding.  The glasses broke at the bridge.  She should probably just get new glasses.  If PVC Bondage Girl was my girlfriend, I’d buy her new glasses.  But she’s trying to save money, she’s working at the cinema, probably doesn’t get paid much, so you have to try to make due.

I’m at five minutes.  They’re talking about the movie.  It’s about a vampire or something.  Who cares?

Then they start talking about the beer that they’ve been drinking.  

The camerawoman, Mimi, is being loud and annoying.  Maybe don’t make videos when everyone is intoxicated.

12:30 – Mimi tells a story about a friend of hers posting a “tasteful” picture of herself shoving a tentacle up her vagina.  At least I think that that’s the story.  I listened to this twice and…I’m not sure what this was.  Newt just moves on like this was a normal story.  Oh sure.  Tentacles up the pussy.  We’ve all done that.

15:30 – PVC Bondage Girl says that she was born in 1997.  Well, maybe she likes older guys.

What was I doing when I was 25?  I was living on “The East Coast” and working in a mental health facility.  

But I was independent, I was living on my own, I knew how to dress for work.  PVC Bondage Girl could use some guidance.  Maybe I could be like a life coach for her.

17:30 – Newt advertises a convention that he and the employees at the theatre are going to be at.  I guess.  I’m not really following much of anything in this video.  They’re drunk and I’m tuning out a lot.

Oh, he’s going to be selling the comic there.  First issue of Florida Man Saves Christmas.  I can’t make it to the fucking convention, Newt.  Put this shit on Etsy on something.

20:30 – We’re back to a shot of PVC Bondage Girl who says, “I desperately need to wash my hair.”

22:15 – “I told you both the script I’m writing for (somebody) for Debbie Does Demons about a sex daemon.”

PVC Bondage Girl gets excited by this.

It’s all the same fucking ideas from Newt.  And they’re all shit.  “Tits and gore” is not a fucking movie, you idiot.  None of this is going to be successful.

Also, earlier he was talking about the comic and PVC Bondage Girl said that the preview pages that he sent looked “sexy”.  It’s all the same fucking bullshit.  Every fucking time.  Write something GOOD for a change.  He can’t do it.  He doesn’t have any ideas and he can’t write.

Then he makes a veiled reference to Horseface about how she doesn’t want to be involved in this shit Midnight Show thing that he’s doing.  How many fucking times does he have to talk about Horseface?  There’s fucking PVC Bondage Girl right there.

And it’s so fucking awkward how these women encourage Newt when he talks about his “achievements”.  I’m talking about “achievements” like getting 5000 subscribers on Youtube and his shitty fucking movies that nobody is ever going to watch.  It’s painful.  This is their boss.  I guess.  It’s not appropriate what he’s doing.  He shouldn’t put people in this position.  

Also, there’s literally going to be a Schlock and Awe convention.  I guess.  Of some sort.  Newt and his employees are going to be there.  Come see Newt Wallen and PVC Bondage Girl and Mimi!  Who?  Come on.  What’s the possible audience for that?  

As big a fan of PVC Bondage Girl as I am, I wouldn’t go to this convention even if I lived in the same town that this shit was taking place in.  He gave the venue before.  Let me look this up.  It was Showboat Hotel formerly known as Showboat Casino.  They got rid of the casino, apparently, which is odd.

It’s in Atlantic City.

22:45 – The comics that don’t sell at the convention will be sold online.  So…all of them.

23:00 – “I wrote one thing that I think is good enough to be mainstream.  If this thing could become my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or The Tick, and I don’t need to run a movie theatre any more, and I could just like, you know –”  And Mimi finishes with, “Get out.” 

I’m so sick of this fucking bullshit.  First of all, he’s delusional.  Here’s the difference between Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Florida Man: TMNT had writers.  TMNT had stories.  Florida Man has “tits and gore.”  

And he’s constantly running down working in a cinema IN FRONT OF HIS EMPLOYEES.  Go fuck yourself.  If you think you’re too good for this, do something else.  Why make other people feel bad?  

It’s not like it’s a choice of working in a cinema or being the world’s greatest comic book writer.  There are LOADS of other jobs out there.  There are loads of other things that you can do with your life.  Not this fucking absurd pipe dream that Florida Man is going to be the next Action Comics.

These people are living a shitty existence in a shitty town and they don’t like it.  This is the existence of almost everybody.  And almost everybody stays in this rut.  

PVC Bondage Girl is going to have a kid with some guy she barely knows, he’s going to disappear, and this is going to be her life.  She’s going to do shitty jobs in this town for the rest of her life.  

Newt is going to go from shitty job to shitty job, belittling “his” employees, and regaling everyone he meets about a red-haired woman who he once knew.  That’s his life.  

I was in the same position.  Shitty job.  Shitty town that I grew up in.  It made me really anxious.  I said that I have to get out of here.  So that’s what I did.  

It can be done.  What’s the problem?  Newt has done it.  He lived in different places.  He lived in Arizona, he went to some college thing in Canada.  Why can’t he do it again?  Why does he insist on this ridiculous “tits and gore” comic/movie get rich quick scheme?  He’s not going to make a penny off of any of this.  Do something that has a reasonable chance of success.

When I was in my mid 20s, I had to move back in to my childhood home.  I was there for a year?  Something like this.  It was really depressing.  But I got a job, I saved up $2000, and I left.  I moved to London.  

I was homeless for a while, I eventually found a shitty job, then I did some other shitty jobs, then I learned a trade, and I’ve been doing this job for over ten years.  I make a fair amount of money. 

This is what happens when you decide to shake things up in your life.  Opportunities present themselves.  It was fortuitous that I found this particular job, I didn’t say, “Hey, I’m going to look for a high paying job today”, but it wouldn’t have happened had I stayed in my shitty hometown, done those shitty jobs, and worked on some shitty comic.  

You see this all the time.  People go to China or wherever to teach English and then after a few years, they get a proper job or start a business or whatever.  Opportunities arise.  Maybe they get married.  Have children.  Whatever.

Even if nothing happens, even if you’re still doing these shitty jobs in China or wherever, years later, at least you’re in fucking China.  It’s interesting.  I’d rather do shitty jobs in China than shitty jobs in rural Pennsylvania.  

No.  Newt is going to stay there and work on Shark Vampire.  That’s his ticket out of his rut.  Shark Vampire is going to become the next big thing, Newt is going to become a millionaire out of this, and he’s going to tell the guy who owns the cinema, everyone at Screenwave, Horseface McGee, and that guy who runs that weird pink blog to go fuck themselves.  You never believed in me.  But look at me now.  I’m sitting on top of the Shark Vampire empire.  And he’s going to have bitches.  And they’re going to erect a statue of him right there in the middle of rural Pennsylvania.

And Mimi and PVC Bondage Girl’s bright idea for getting out of their rut is to be one of Newt’s bitches for when he’s big and famous from Shark Vampire.

None of this is going to work.  Come on.  It’s preposterous.  

Anyway, that’s the video.  Comments are all kissing Newt’s ass.  It’s just not healthy.  I’m all for positivity but not delusion.  I have Newt’s best interests at heart.  This fucking “tits and gore” shit is not going to work.  How many people get rich from making an independent comic book?  Even a GOOD one.  Newt’s ISN’T good.  And these terrible movies.  Come on.  Don’t encourage this.  It’s not right.  You’re just setting him up for failure.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E08l4BaXdFI

Here are the previous parts:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/03/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt.html

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/03/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt_0691509559.html

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt.html

I left off at 1:30:00.  Newt and this guy were talking about Batman or some boring shit.

I’m pretty sure that this interviewer is trying to look like Kevin Smith, by the way.  

1:32:00 – Now they’re talking about religion for some reason.  This interviewer says, “I am fucking native and stuff.  My wife and her fucking family are Catholic and everything.”

He said “native”, right?  I listened to this three times.  What does that mean?  

Then they get into some Theology for Dummies shit.

I’m reminded of the ninth grade.  I had a priest teaching us.  SUPER gay.  He was a young guy.  This was in the 1990s.  This was a time when older priests tended to become priests because they felt some kind of spiritual calling whereas younger priests tended to enter the priesthood because they were repressed homosexuals who were trying to run away from their homosexual feelings.  This raised something of a rift between younger priests and older priests.  

It’s a generational thing.  Up until I’d say the 1960s or 1970s, the US was still a pretty religious place and Catholics would go to church and whatnot.  So in that sort of environment, it would be understandable that somebody would want to join the priesthood.  Religion was a big part of life in those days.  

But by the 1980s, forget it.  The only person who wanted to become a priest would be a closeted homosexual.  I don’t care how religious you are, nobody else would want to become a priest.  The men becoming priests from this point forward are religious, I’m not saying otherwise, but they’re gay.  They’re trying to avoid eternal damnation and the priesthood is the perfect cover.  Nobody is going to ask why you’re not married, don’t have children, whatever.  And it’s a way to, in theory, to not act on your homosexual urges.  

You look at nuns, for example.  They used to be a big part of society up until, again, the 1960s or 1970s.  Now when was the last time you’ve seen a nun?  The profession no longer exists.  The country became more secular.  

And the people who became nuns back in the day were women who were unable to find husbands.  And maybe some of them had spiritual reasons.  But by the 1960s or 1970s, this all went away.  And they weren’t replaced by lesbians, as far as I’m aware, because I guess there’s just not that much of a stigma against lesbians as there is against homosexual men.

So anyway, I had this homosexual priest as a teacher.  And he gave us an assignment asking about our religious beliefs.  So I wrote that I don’t believe that it’s a sin to abstain from going to church.  Something like this.  It’s the same adolescent bullshit that Newt and this guy are talking about.  And I got the assignment back giving faint praise for my bravery for saying this.

I didn’t even think that it was anything shocking.  Who the fuck goes to church anymore?  This was the 1990s.  But this gay priest really thought that this was blasphemous stuff.  Does the bible even mention going to church?   How could it?  Nobody was going to church in those days.  How could they?  Jesus was still alive in these stories.  There was no Christianity.

And the fourth commandment doesn’t state that you have to go to church.  It just says don’t do any work on the Sabbath.  And this was a Jewish thing anyway.  They were talking about fucking Saturday.

Then there was another time…did I tell this Satanist story?  Let me check the archives.  I’m not seeing it.

So this was also in the ninth grade.  Same gay priest teacher.  We had to go on a “retreat”.  Some kind of spiritual bullshit.  Other places might do this kind of thing in the woods or somehow make a trip out it but we (fortunately) did it during school hours and it was just a “retreat” to the school rectory (where the priests live).

There were a bunch of painful as fuck “games” that we had to play.  The sort of “team building” shit that you do at office “parties”.  

So there was one where somebody was “it” and they had to sit on somebody’s lap.  We were all seated in a circle around the person who was “it”.  The person in the centre would choose somebody to sit on their lap, tell them that they love them, and the person whose lap was being sat on had to say, “I love you too but I also love people who (whatever).”   It could be “have red hair”, for example,  So then everybody who had red hair had to jump up and find a different seat to sit in.  It was sort of like musical chairs.  And the person who was left standing was the new “it”.  Rinse and repeat.

What on earth this has to do with the Risen Lord, I have no fucking idea.  Indeed, this game is wholly inappropriate to be played by ninth graders.  But this is what we were doing.  At a fucking religious retreat.  And this was all supervised by this priest.  It was probably his idea.  A game that they used to play in seminary, perhaps.

So I did my best not to draw attention to myself.  I never got up from my chair.  Eventually, one of the older classmates who was helping to run this shit called me out on this.  He was some black guy.  Fuck him.  I’m not doing this shit.

But then a fat guy was “it” and this black upperclassman exempted him from having to sit on anyone’s lap.  But I knew this fat guy and as sort of joke, he chose me.  He didn’t sit on my lap but I had to get up and run this time because I was picked as the person.  Fortunately, I found a chair.

Now that I think about it, I can’t remember how often it was same sex and how often it was different sex in terms of who people chose to sit on their laps.  I assume that it was mostly opposite sex.

So anyway, I was counting down every second of this nightmare.  Then we broke off into smaller groups to talk about our feelings and God and whatever.  Oh fuck.  I wanted no part of this either.  And there’s some upperclassman girl running this fiasco now.  

I just…I hated this shit.  I hated anything like this.  I’ve gone my whole life hating this kind of shit.  It’s just how some people are.  Loads of people are like this.  They hate this fucking team-building bullshit.  

So I just sat there and contributed as little as possible.  

So this girl fucking tells the priest that I’m a Satan worshiper.  For what?  Because I don’t want to play these bizarre, sexual games?  Because I don’t want to open up about my feelings and religious beliefs in front of my classmates?  People who I potentially have see for the next four years?  Fuck you.

Then the next day, the priest comes into class, he’s our teacher, I remind you, and he talks about how the retreat went.  He mentions that there was a Satanist at this thing.  He’s talking about me.  And for what?  Where did this come from?  He’s relying on the word of this dumb bitch who just didn’t like me because I didn’t participate in that bullshit.  So now somebody who’s reserved and wants to maintain his dignity is automatically a follower of Satan?  Show me where it says that is in the bible, you fucking faggot.  I’m happy to show you passages in the bible that condemn your lifestyle.  God burned down two fucking cities over the shit that you do.

Anyway, I digress.  Back to Newt Wallen.

1:34:00 – Oh.  This “native” thing that this guy was talking about is something to do with smoking marijuana.  What a douche.

Then Newt talks about how he’s an “energy guy”.  Talks about negative energy and whatnot.  Go fuck yourself.

1:35:30 – Newt then says that he doesn’t like Christmas because a bunch of bad stuff happened to him on Christmas.  Everybody please take a moment to pity Newt Wallen.

1:36:30 – Shout-out to Crystal Quin.  He actually uses her name.  He slipped up.  Newt was delivering a dress to her.  She was going to be a seat-filler at the Tony Awards.  She was using Newt to get this sweet gig.

Think of how crazy this is.  Horseface was using Newt Wallen.  For what?  What can Newt give her?  A seat-filler job at the Tony Awards?  A role in Newt’s shitty movie?  A guest role on a little-known Youtube show?  It’s crazy.  Who would take the time to use somebody for such pitiful crap?  But that’s what she was doing.

1:42:45 – “Every day I get better and better and I want to prove to people that I’m not a thief and I’m not a piece of shit and I’m not a pity party guy.”

Well…keep working on it, Newt.  I’m all about self-improvement.

1:48:15 – “Robin Williams killed himself.”

Right…

“One of the funniest dudes who ever lived killed himself.”

Wait…are we still talking about Robin Williams?  That guy was as funny as a rubber crutch.  How do you like these old expressions?  I’m bringing them back.

Anyway, Newt is talking about what a sad clown he is.  I get the sad part but where’s the clown?  Newt isn’t funny.  I can’t think of a single (intentionally) comedic thing that he ever said.  

1:53:30 – The interviewer asks, “Where do they shoot that stuff?”

This was the first question that he asked this entire time.  THIS is the question that he was dying to ask.  Newt replied, “In the studio in the office.”

Yeah.  We know.  What a brainless question.  Where did he think the podcast and Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies was shot?  What the fuck.

1:54:30 – Then he asks where AVGN is filmed.  Newt says that James has a studio in his house.  

Yeah.  We knew this too.  Who is this guy?  Where did these questions come from?  

Then they talked about Spider-Man, Batman, and Star Wars for the rest of the video.  WHO CARES?  Actually, I stopped at 2:08:00.  I couldn’t take it any more.  But I assume that it’s more of the same for the remaining 15 minutes.

Let’s check out the comments.

– “Boy did those 2.5hrs fly by. I could listen to Newt and his stories all day. Can’t wait to see part 2.”

Madness.

– “This was great, been following newt since hack the movies, he made that show watchable.”

Yeah, this is more reasonable.  I can agree with this.  Watchable.  That’s the right word.  Not good.  Just watchable.  Barely.

Somebody replies, “I only watch episodes without a certain individual these days. Newt was my favorite on the show. The mighty ducks episode is the best with his stories about pee wee hockey.”

I suspect that he’s talking about Horseface.  I agree entirely with this sentiment.  She’s horrendous.

So that was Newt Week.  Wow.  It’s been an adventure.  We just have to wait for part two of this epic interview to drop.  I’m on tenterhooks here.  What is he going to reveal next?  The secret to James’ hair?  Whether or not Tony has body odour?  The typical lunch of Justin Silverman?  How many times a day he masturbates to Crystal Quin?  We want to know.  

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E08l4BaXdFI

Back to the grind.  This is like the Frost/Nixon interviews.  But instead of it being about Watergate, it’s about a horseface woman.

Here are parts 1 and 2:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/03/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt.html

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/03/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt_0691509559.html

1:00:15 – He actually refers to Crystal Quin by name.  She was in an episode of Silvermania. 

They also did porn reviews.  It’s just…neither one of these losers have anything to talk about other than “tits and gore”.  

The “director” of Silvermania (I guess) thought that these reviews weren’t up to the high standards of Silvermania so they refused to use the footage.

1:00:45 – A couple of years later, Screenwave tried to buy these porn review videos from the people who owned Silvermania.  Or something.  I thought it was Justin Silverman but…

Here’s the problem.  It’s very hard to follow what Newt is talking about because he doesn’t use the proper names of the companies or the people.  He’ll say, “The people I used to work for” when talking about Screenwave or “the red haired woman” for Horseface McGee.  I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.

This is what I’ve managed to piece together, having watched this section three times now.  He did porn parody reviews with Horseface for Silvermania (or maybe it was Underbelly).  There was some sort of a rift at one of these companies and Justin was removed from the company.

Two years after making these porn reviews with Horseface, Screenwave wanted to purchase these videos.  Silvermania (or Underbelly) owned the rights to these videos.  Newt wasn’t involved with either company at this point.

The company refused to sell these porn reviews to Screenwave.  As a result, Screenwave started Rental Reviews instead.  

This is according to Newt and his convoluted story.  

1:01:00 – Newt is now talking about Rental Reviews.  “I was supposed to be part of it but obviously somebody else got my part.”

Who?  Use the fucking names, Newt.  Nobody is going to sue you for saying, “Tony got my part in Rental Reviews.”  Nobody fucking cares.

“But I used to write their notes and stuff like that.”

The interviewer jumps in, “Are you allowed to say who got your part in Rental Reviews?”  Newt replies, “No, I’m not going to get into that.”

Why not?  There’s not a single person on earth who cares.

You know, I’m watching this video and it dawns on me: who is this for?  Who would possibly watch a two and a half hour “interview” of Newt Wallen for fun?  This is strictly for Newt Wallen historians, and I’m the only such person.  

1:02:30 – Newt says that somebody working at Screenwave sold their channel to Screenwave.  Who is he talking about?  Justin, I guess.  But who the fuck knows?  If you can’t give the fucking names, just don’t talk about it.  This is maddening.  

No, actually I think that he’s talking about Tony from Hack the Movies.  Tony sold his channel to Screenwave so Screenwave owns Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies.  

Newt finds this objectionable and says that he (Newt) owns his own channel.

1:02:45 – “My Matrix review got 22,000 views.”

How to put this delicately?  People watched because of the drama of Newt getting fired from Screenwave.  They weren’t tuning in because they cared about Newt’s opinions on this old movie.

1:03:00 – He explains why the video did so well.  “Because of the title I put on the video and also because it got shared on a certain hate group.”

Well, at least he’s aware of the reasons.

The interviewer said that he read the Youtube comments and they seemed positive.  Newt admits to deleting the negative comments.  He specifically mentions that he deleted comments that referred to Horseface, although not using her name, of course.

Newt seems to have this bizarre idea that people hate Horseface because she got him fired from Screenwave.  Does anybody think that?  I can’t stand Horseface but it never even crossed my mind that she was responsible for Newt getting fired.  Newt was responsible for Newt getting fired.  He can’t seem to accept that.  Horseface had nothing to do with it.  Horseface didn’t tell Newt to plagiarise movie reviews verbatim.  That was Newt’s bright idea.

1:04:00 – Newt claims that he was the one who came up with the idea for Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies.  So not only did Newt come up with the porn review videos, which sort of became Rental Reviews, but he also had the idea of continuing Rental Reviews albeit on Tony’s channel, which is owned by Screenwave.

1:04:15 – Newt says that he brought the Movie Dumpster guys on to Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies.  He says that he’s no longer friends with them.  He’s bitter because he got them on to the show and now they don’t talk to him any more.  Same as with Horseface and Tony and whoever else.

If what Newt is saying is true, that he was the ideas man for Rental Reviews and Talking About Tapes and he brought all of these people in and all of these people subsequently stopped talking to him over that plagiarism thing, he’s right to be bitter.  

One can make the case that Newt was rightly fired.  But you’d be hard pressed justifying that you should stop being friends with somebody over that plagiarism shit.  Who cares?  Those people are complete dim-witted scumbags for doing that.  

1:04:00 – “I brought the girl in.”

Which girl, Newt?  Horseface McGee?  Why can’t you just say it?  There’s a non-disclosure agreement in place saying that Newt can’t even say “Crystal Quin.”  

1:04:30 – “That became that dude’s job.  That was his job now to watch movies and edit movies.  I still had all of the other jobs that I had to do.”

This is an interesting behind the scenes thing.  So when Tony started doing Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies, which is owned by Screenwave, that became his full-time job.  This accords with what Tony himself has said.  A year ago, or whenever, Tony said that he’s no longer working on Cinemassacre.  

So while Tony only had Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies to concentrate on, Newt still had other jobs that he had to do at Screenwave.  He was the producer or whatever for Peg Warmers, for example.  And whatever other jobs he had.  Administrative stuff, maybe.  Oh, and he had to write those reviews for Monster Madness and maybe other stuff.

He’s right.  It’s bullshit.  

1:05:00 – “I also didn’t get paid for that.”

He’s talking about Hack the Movies/Talking About Tapes.  That’s bullshit too.

Tony from Hack the Movies invited me to be a guest on his, presumably defunct, Godzilla podcast.  I had no intention of doing it but I suggested that I should get paid.  I mean, he’s making money off of this, why wouldn’t I get paid?  Why would I do it for free?  I was thinking something in the region of $200 would be suitable.

Now, the Godzilla podcast makes pennies so $200 is probably unfeasible.  Tony isn’t getting $200 for these videos.  But from my perspective, why would I do it for free?  This is taking time out of my day, I have to watch the fucking movie, and this is all for a video that Tony would own in perpetuity.  And he’s going to edit it to make me sound like a complete idiot and there’s nothing I can do about it.

So I declined.  

Newt actually works at the company, the company that owns Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies, and he’s not getting paid for those videos.  Tony, presumably, is getting paid.  At the very least, Tony is getting paid for these videos because that’s his full-time job.  His only job at Screenwave is to make Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies.  

And then you have to assume that Tony is getting some kind of payment based on how well the videos do.  That’s why he’s obsessed with the view numbers.  

I assumed that everybody on that show was getting something.  Horseface and Johnanna and whoever.  But maybe they aren’t.  If not even Newt was getting paid, why would they?  

So why are they doing it?  Does Horseface even work at Screenwave?  I think that she does but you never hear about it.  Who would do any of that shit for free?  Especially knowing that Screenwave and Tony (either directly or indirectly) are making money off of this.  

You’re going to volunteer your time, you’re going to watch all of these fucking movies, take notes, then shoot the video, humiliate yourself for all of Youtube to see, all just to enrich Ryan Schott so that he can buy more pinball machines for the arcade wing of his mansion?  Who would do that?  

If those people on Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies aren’t getting paid, or if they’re getting paid a pittance, they should all quit.  Let that charisma blackhole Ryan do all the videos.  See how well these videos perform then.

1:19:00 – Newt is talking about how he likes talking about movies with other people.  “I can’t talk to my staff about it because they’re all like 17”.

I don’t think that that woman in the PVC bondage gear was 17.  

They’ve been talking about horror movies and Star Wars for the past ten minutes or so, by the way.  I don’t care about this.

Okay, I’m at 1:30:00.  I can stop now.  They were talking about Batman.

Well, if the remaining almost one hour of this video is anything like the past 20 minutes, I can breeze through the rest of this quickly.  I don’t give a fuck about their adolescent movie discussions.  

Part 4:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt_0259611781.html