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  • What is The Worst Predator Movie? – Tony from Hack The Movies

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v44v8K6pxdU

    The triumphant return of that scamming religious nut Casey J Hempel.  I wrote all about this lunatic here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/06/casey-j-hempel-is-scamming-conwoman.html

    The craziest person ever to appear on the channel?  I’m not sure.  There’s some stiff competition.  But quite possibly.

    It starts with a terrible, terrible ad featuring Casey.  This is a professional actress?  Actually, I’m not sure.  She claims to be a lot of things but is actress among them?  Let me check her website.

    https://www.caseyhempel.com/

    No.  Only a writer, a director, and a princess.  So I was mistaken.

    1:15 – I can barely even understand what she’s saying here.  Take some elocution lessons before appearing on something as prestigious as Talking About Tapes/Hack the Movies.

    2:30 – The video starts here.  Tony is wearing a shirt that’s covered in bananas.  If this is a joke, I’m not getting it.  Maybe he just really likes bananas.

    Oh, there’s also some bearded guy here.  I don’t know which bearded guy it is.  They all blend together.  I don’t think that it’s that faggot who banned me from Reddit, though.

    I’m already bored.  Let me scan the comments for the word “Casey”.

    – “Casey’s voice sounds fake af “Like omg i do love predators and all the big fluffy arms hehehehehe the fluffy hair is so amazziiinnnnggggggg” Like a selectively ditzy person who does it for opposite sex’s attention.”

    It’s true.

    – “Casey needs to do VA work or something, adorable voice.”

    Well, it worked on that horntard.

    – “Casey is such a cutie.”

    Mmhmm.

    – “I literally had to turn off the episode because Casey is just too annoying”

    I’m feeling the same way.  After two fucking minutes.

    Somebody replies, “I agree she doesn’t add anything to the conversation like Crystal Johanna Trisha.”

    Oh come on.  Let’s not exaggerate.  Just because Casey is awful doesn’t mean that those people suddenly become good.  They’re all terrible.

    Let’s…let’s at least try to make it ten minutes.  I mean, come on.  It’s Predator.  I’ve seen Predator.  It was good.  I also saw parts of the second one.  Maybe I can follow along somewhat.

    4:00 – Tony starts with Predator 2.  Okay.  He has a format.  This is all structured.  Let’s do this.  Let’s try to pay attention to this video.  Tony spent a lot of time on this.  As did that butch lesbian editor.  

    10:15 – He’s done with talking about Predator 2.  And I made it to the ten minute mark.  Casey had NOTHING to say about the movie.  Literally.  She offered no opinion.  Did she even watch the movie?  We don’t know.

    God.  I’m going to take a break, get something to eat, use the bathroom, and then decide if this is worth continuing or not.

    I’m not sure that it is.  You know, Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining released a video on Monopoly recently.  As here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DBsBwASdz0

    I watched it.  It was nine minutes.  Pam did a lot of “comedy” about feminism and the evils of capitalism.  I COULD have talked about that video but then I saw this fucking Hack the Movies with this anti-abortion lunatic Casey and I said, “No, I have to go with this instead.”

    What a poor decision.  Nearly two fucking hours of nothing.  A bearded nobody, an airhead lunatic, and fucking Tony summarising movies.  Who wants to watch this?  

    And I’ve already written extensively about Casey and her bizarre background and bizarre beliefs in my previous article about her.  I can’t rehash that.  

    So what the fuck am I going to do?  

    I’ll let this play a bit longer.  Put it on as background noise while I peruse Reddit.

    I’m at 15 minutes.  Casey has never seen these movies before.  Any of them.  She only watched them for the purposes of doing this video.  And I’m not even sure if she’s watched all of them.  She didn’t know what Predator looked like under the mask until she saw Prey.  So…presumably she never saw the first one.  And I don’t think that she saw the second one because she had nothing to say about it.

    This is fucking awful.  

    Tony has been doing these “What’s the worst film in (franchise)” videos for a short while.  At first, it was something different and I welcomed it.  Anything to get away from these horror films that he always summarises.  But no, this shit has already worn out its welcome.  Back to the drawing board, Tony.

    Can I suggest doing good movie reviews with competent people who know about movies, have some charisma, can talk, aren’t just there to pull in horntards, and are clean-shaven?  Do you know any such people?  

    I suppose that this is the problem.  Tony only knows scumbags.  Like attracts like.  

    Maybe he needs to start putting some cash down.  Because Tony isn’t paying these people.  So this is what you get.  Pay peanuts and you get monkeys.  Share some of that Youtube fortune and maybe you’ll be able to hire somebody who actually knows what the fuck they’re doing.  

    Look at Newt’s proposed Hack the Movies rip off.  We’re a little scant on the details but it seems that he’s paying a prostitute, a soccer mom, and PVC Bondage Girl to review movies with him.  They don’t call him “The Ideas Man” for nothing.  This might just work.  He’s catering to a range of fetishes.  Big tits, tattoos, MILFs, goth shit.  He’s going to get all kinds of horntards with this.  

    It’s not just whatever scumbag women he happens to know.  “Oh, okay.  We’ll get a horseface woman and a fat chick and an autist and an anti-abortion nut and see how it goes.”  No.  Newt sat down and thought this out.  And then he opened up his wallet and paid these women.  

    Of course, none of this actually addresses the problem of releasing good videos but at least Newt is on the right track in terms of attracting horntards, which seems to be the business model that Tony is using as well.  

    So that’s…Tony and whoever talking about Predator.  Which was the worst Predator movie?  Who gives a shit?  

  • Rocky Climbed a Mountain (Rocky IV filming locations) – Cinemassacre

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI0YdGDkxt8

    0:30 – He’s talking about the mountain from Rocky IV.  “Have you ever wondered where that is?”

    No, James.  I don’t give a fuck.  Rocky IV was a terrible movie.  And even in good movies, I don’t wonder where the shit was filmed.  

    And Jimmy’s acting is so fucking bad.  

    “Shouldn’t the moundain (sic) be just as iconic when it comes to Rocky?”

    He’s comparing the mountain in Rocky IV to the museum (or whatever) steps from the original Rocky.  

    No, Jimmy.  The original Rocky was a critically acclaimed film and a massive hit.  Rocky IV was an unimaginative cash grab that was poorly received by critics and audiences alike.  And the mountain wasn’t even a big part of the movie, as far as I can recall.  I know that there were scenes where he was training in the mountains but…who cares?  

    Jimmy really enjoys shit.  I don’t mean just literally (although literally too).  This is a film curator?  Rocky IV?  Family Matters?  He has terrible taste in film and television.  This is the stuff that children in the 1990s enjoyed.  He hasn’t advanced past that.

    1:00 – Loads of shots of Jimmy in the airport and the airplane with his mask.  

    It was a big scam, Jimmy.  You can take the mask off now.  You’re not going to catch the nasty old cold.

     It’s just sad.  This is a guy, obviously mentally challenged, and this covid scam really fucked him up.  The constant scare mongering was enough to fuck up people with normal intelligences so think what it did to seven and a half years in special education James Rolfe.

    2:00 – He’s with some guy named Derek who Jimmy says directed some Rocky documentaries.  Great.

    3:00 – “Remember the cabin and the little village area where he trains?”

    Not really.

    “Where was that?”

    Who gives a shit?

    Quick shot of an outhouse.  That one went straight to Jimmy’s spank bank.

    And Jimmy cannot pronounce “mountain”.  It makes for very difficult viewing when he’s doing a video about a mountain.

    4:45 – Jimmy is walking some path to find some film location…or something…I’m already not paying attention.  But suddenly, he comes across a sign that says “area beyond this sign closed to all travel.”  So he gives up.

    Okay.  Video’s over.  We travelled to Montana or where ever this is but there’s a little paper sign saying that we can’t go any further.  Guess that’s it.  Oh well.

    What an adventurer.  This is like when he refused to go in that Star Trek cave in California because there was a four foot fence in front of it and a sign saying, “closed due to falling rocks.”  He wouldn’t fucking film in there because of this sign, the tiny gate, and his fear of rocks falling on his head.  It’s ridiculous.

    5:00 – Then there’s footage of Jimmy comically running in the opposite direction of this sign.  He’s petrified of the sign.  What does he think is going to happen?  The land owner is going to suddenly appear with a shotgun?  

    5:30 – “What’s up with that one guy who’s always following Rocky around?”

    KGB agent?  Was that a serious question?  Does he not know?

    This is the guy who once said of the Soviet military, “Don’t quote me on this but weren’t they called The Red Army?”

    6:45 – He’s trying to find some other location, I don’t know what, and he can’t because…again…it’s private property.  

    Why even release the video?  

    Oh, and they’re looking for a fucking fake cabin that was built just for the movie and that they admit probably was torn down when the production ceased filming.  WHO CARES?  It’s just going to be an empty field.

    7:30 – Jimmy is asking this guy Derek or whatever his name is if Rocky is a Christmas movie because the fight takes place on Christmas.  The guy says, “I never thought of that.”

    Yeah.  That makes two of us.  Who gives a shit?  Fuck these autistic questions.  You can tell that this guy is uncomfortable around Rainman and his bizarre questions.

    8:00 – “It’s pretty messed up that he chooses Christmas to have the fight.”

    Oh my fucking god.  It’s a reference to those godless communists not giving a fuck about our Lord and Saviour.  How did this pass Jimmy by?  Well, I know how it passed him by.  Seven and a half years in special education.  But yeah, it was 1980s anti-communist propaganda.  It was the height of the Cold War, Jimmy.  Didn’t you know this?

    9:00 – They found some bridge that was in the movie but refuse to go check if the river that the bridge is crossing is the same river as in the movie.  Because they’re too fucking scared to go down there.

    9:30 – Awkward as fuck exchange between Jimmy and this guy while they’re driving.  I don’t even want to type it out.  Let’s just move on.

    10:30 – So they’re at some fucking mountain and instead of climbing the mountain like Rocky does…they take a tram.  This is so fucking bad.  

    I know that Jimmy has problems with his feet and/or legs.  And he’s 40 years old.  He probably shouldn’t be climbing mountains.  But then why make the video?  Do a filming locations video for Forrest Gump or something.  

    11:00 – Then there’s footage of Jimmy in this tram, with a mask on.  Nobody else has a mask on.

    12:30 – Then they found the spot where Rocky climbed the summit of the mountain and Jimmy says, “Unfortunately, we couldn’t get any closer” and points to a flimsy fence that has a single piece of string running between a couple of poles.  Jimmy didn’t want to step over this fence to get a better shot.  Hey, you have to respect the two foot high fence that’s just a piece of string.

    This guy is afraid of his own shadow.  From the covid mask to the running from paper signs and now this.  It’s not even a fence.  It’s just a marker.  

    What does he think is going to happen if he steps over it?  The park rangers are going to swoop down on him?  That marker is there for your protection.  If you choose to step over it, that’s your business.  

    As a tourist, I wouldn’t step over it.  Because who gives a shit?  There’s no reason to step over it.  And I don’t want to risk tumbling down the mountain.  

    But Jimmy is making a fucking “documentary” here.  Of sorts.  Just step over it.  If you see somebody who looks like they’re in a position of authority, maybe tell them that you’re making a video for Youtube, you’re the famous Youtuber James Rolfe, and would it be okay to get a better shot of this particular area?  The guy would probably help Jimmy.  Sure.  It’s okay.  No problem.  Let me untwist this piece of twine so that you can pass through with ease.

    God, this is dogshit.  Please end the video.

    14:15 – “It felt weird to be at such a major Rocky filming location without anyone else being aware of it.”

    Maybe because they don’t give a shit?  Maybe because it’s not a famous movie location?  Maybe they just want to enjoy nature and the beauty of it and they don’t give a fuck about some shitty movie from the 1980s?

    16:00 – Now they want to look at some other mountain for reasons I don’t care to explain.  And Jimmy starts almost crying.  He doesn’t think that he can climb it.  So don’t do it.  Who cares?  Nobody.  Not a single person gives a shit about any of this.  Nobody told you to climb a mountain.  This is your idiotic idea.

    17:00 – So now some Rocky music is playing and Jimmy is awkwardly ambling up a path.  Then there’s a shot of a sign saying to be cautious of bears.  Jimmy probably shit his pants right here and just continued walking with his pants full of poop.  The stool gives him courage.

    17:45- So…oh my god.  They’re nearing the top of the mountain so there’s no longer a path.  So Jimmy takes two fucking twigs to use as walking sticks.

    It’s fucking ridiculous.  What is he doing?  How are those twigs going to help him?

    18:15 – Jimmy reveals that he’s wearing beat up sneakers for this.  Didn’t he know that he was going to climb a mountain?  Why didn’t he wear appropriate footwear?

    18:45 – Derek or whoever tells a story about a kid who fell around here a little while earlier.  He was fine.  Then Derek says, “So we were thinking, ‘What are we going to do?’”

    Not be giant pussies?  Realise that you’re men and not little boys?  

    20:45 – “Some people are more willing to take risks than others.”

    Indeed, Jimmy.  I’d put Jimmy in the bottom 0.1% of risk takers.

    21:15 – “For decades, I had pushed myself as hard as I could to make videos.”

    Really?  Oh fuck.  This is so bad.

    And he’s saying this in the context of being too big of a pussy to go any higher up the mountain.  Earlier, Derek noted a couple of teenagers who gave up.  Great.  But you’re two grown men.  Fucking get your faggot asses up that mountain.

    22:00 – Oh my god.  Jimmy starts talking about his children.  He refuses to go up this mountain because he has children.

    Is this really happening?  Is this a parody video that the gay men on Reddit made?  

    22:15 – Now Jimmy is fucking crying while talking about his children.  This guy…what a complete pussy.  What is this?  What am I watching?  Why did he release this video?  Who thought that this was a good idea?

    23:00 – “As Derek and I turned back, I wondered, ‘What was the true meaning of this trip?’”  

    You and me both, Jimmy.  What the fuck was the point of this video?  I don’t even care about the fucking mountain.  But now that you’re there, get the fucking shots.  Don’t let paper signs, twine, and your children hold you back.  Make the fucking video.

    23:45 – What the fuck?  Now Jimmy is just taking stolen footage from Vimeo and using it in place of him going up the mountain himself.  What is this?  This is fucking terrible.  This has to be one of the worst Cinemassacre videos of all time.

    That’s the video.  Horrendous.

    John Riggs leaves a comment.  “amazing! I love stuff like this. Would love to see you scout more movie landmarks.”  Go fuck yourself, you degenerate.

    Anyway, I was reminded of the time when I climbed Arthur’s Seat.  It’s a small dormant volcano.  It’s in a park in Edinburgh.  I was with my girlfriend.  We’ve gone on a lot of nature walks like this.

    So we were just going for a walk to kill some time and I didn’t realise that it was like a small mountain.  I thought it was just a park.  So we didn’t have water or appropriate footwear or anything.  And my girlfriend was wearing a skirt and totally inappropriate shoes.

    There are steps carved into the rock so it’s not like you’re climbing with pick axes or anything.  But after a while of walking, I realised that this isn’t a park, this is some kind of small mountain.  But we’d already been walking for like an hour.  And my girlfriend kept taking breaks.  So I asked if she wants to turn back and she’d always say no.

    After, I don’t know, two or three hours we get to some kind of landing area.  It’s like the midway point.  And I’m having difficulty walking too so I’m thinking how hard it must be for her.  But she keeps saying that we should continue.  And at this point, I don’t even know what would be easier.  Because we already came this far.  

    Near the summit, the carved steps no longer appear.  There’s not a path.  You just have to figure it out.  There are loads of other people, by the way.  People were having picnics and shit at that halfway area.

    We both managed to get to the top.  We took some pictures.  Whatever.  On the way down, I nearly died jumping from too high a distance but once you get to a certain area, it’s really smooth sailing on the way down.  One side of this thing has the carved steps but the other side is just a slope.  So it’s easy to walk down from there.  It started to get dark shortly after we got down so it was good timing.

    Anyway, we made it to the top and now we have this riveting story to tell.  It was full of excitement, adventure, it was scenic, and we achieved our goals.  Me and this small black woman who was wearing a skirt.

    Maybe James should put a skirt on and try again.  Stop being such a fucking coward his entire life.  “Oh my kids!”  Fuck off with this shit.  

  • Five BAD Games from Hi-Tech Expressions – Erin Plays

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsZuhOphrZU

    Really?  Another zero-effort video where she talks about five random games from some random publisher that she doesn’t know?  And it’s not even her playing the games.  It’s Mike.  That’s how it was in the last video, anyway.  I reviewed that here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/07/five-bad-games-from-ocean-software-erin.html

    This is what we waited a month for?  I don’t know what kind of extravaganza I was expecting but this is disappointing even by the rock bottom expectations of Erin.

    0:00 – It stars with a new intro using the bizarre Erin Plays logo that’s on her t-shirt at the “merch” store.  She must have got Bitch Duo to animate this intro.  It’s of a Famicom disc that says “Erin Plays” on it.  You know, because Erin is so closely associated with Famicom.  

    So Hi-Tech Expressions.  You guys all know Hi-Tech Expressions, right?  No.  But again, Erin thinks that all retro “gamers” know this shit, because she’s completely clueless, and she’s trying to portray herself as an expert.

    0:00 – “Chances are you too have memories of turning on your console in the early 90s and seeing this symbol flash before your eyes.”

    No.  I don’t.  

    And why is she including herself in this?  She was born in 1987 according to her.  Possibly 1986 is the real date.  In either case, she would have been no older than six years old in the early 1990s.  She wasn’t playing video games then.  Even if she did, she wouldn’t have remembered.  And in case it needs to be pointed out, Erin does not play video games.  She never has.  This is all a giant scam to net a hundred bucks a month from horny retards.

    Then she starts reading from Wikipedia dot com.

    She’s wearing a lavender t-shirt that says “Gadget’s Garage” and there’s a picture of a mouse holding a wrench.  This must be some Disney shit.  Let me look this up.

    Hey guys!  Remember Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers? 

    You mean the cartoon that ran from 1989 to 1990?  No.  I didn’t watch it.  And Erin certainly didn’t because she would have been two or three years old.  

    Why the constant lies?  Why doesn’t she just talk about things that she’s GENUINELY interested in?  If anything.  Is she interested in anything?  I don’t think so.  

    But why not pick something that she could plausibly have been interested in?  Just by the fucking dates?  Pick something from your era.  Pick something that you COULD have watched as a child, but didn’t.  Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense?

    0:30 – “I’m sure you’re anticipating the Sesame Street games or Mickey Mouse games to make the list.”

    No.  I’m not.  I don’t know those games.  I certainly don’t know that they were published by Hi-Tech Expressions.  Stop the fucking bullshit.

    1:00 – Beethoven’s Second.  I never played it.  I never saw the movie.  I barely remember it’s existence.  But Erin, who was five or six years old when the game was released and never played it a day in her life, is going to tell us all about it.

    Then she reads from Wikipedia.

    Then there’s footage of Mike playing the game while Erin pretends that it’s her playing it.

    1:15 – “The colours are very vibrant.”

    Riveting stuff, Erin.

    2:30 – “I always end up getting stuck on the right side.”

    She never played before.  It’s not even her playing the game in this video.

    God.  I’m already done with this.  Seventeen minutes?  How long was the last one?  

    Eleven minutes.  Yeah.  That’s doable.  Not seventeen minutes.  What extra shit does she have to say here?  We’ve already covered her usual topics: colours and cute things.  What more is there to say?  

    3:15 – Shout out to Mr Nutz: a game that Erin played once, on stream, for money.

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/08/ive-had-enough-nutz-checking-out-mr.html

    The video was so bad that I didn’t even talk about it.  I mostly talked about the weather.

    3:45 – Shit tier gameplay.  Maybe it is Erin playing this.  Or maybe Mike is just pretending to be Erin so he’s intentionally playing really poorly.  

    4:15 – She’s talking about the Barbie games for the SNES.  There are three of them.  She says, “I’ll admit that as a kid, I enjoyed Barbie Supermodel and as an adult, I tried out the others.”  Then you see footage of her playing these games on stream, for money.

    4:45 – Number four on this list of random games is some Barbie game for the Game Boy.  She promises that she has to lot to say about it.  But we don’t want to hear it, Erin.  You’re boring as fuck.  And there aren’t any colours on the Game Boy.  So what are you going to talk about?

    5:30 – “Me being a little girl who liked Barbie and video games at the time, enjoyed it.  Obviously, not as much as something like Super Mario World.”

    Uh huh.  She was a big video game fan as a kid.  Super Mario World.  Barbie Supermodel.  These are the two games she mentions all the time.  And Yoshi’s Island.  These are the three SNES games that she claimed to have had as a child.  Only those three.  

    Her only complaint about this game is that it’s slow.  She just keeps repeating this.  We get it.  It’s slow.

    5:45 – “I’m trying to think of a slower moving game and I can’t.”

    Oh really?  In Erin’s encyclopedic knowledge about video games, she can’t think of a single game that’s slower than this Barbie game.  Okay.  Must be a slow game then.  Great.  TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE NOW!

    7:15 – Now she’s talking about cute enemies that she likes.

    “I can’t help but laugh every time I look at these things.”

    She never played the game.  Not once.  It’s Mike playing this shit.  

    8:45 – “When you think about rollerblading games, there’s a few on the SNES that probably come to mind.”

    Nope.  I don’t know any.  I’m obviously not the hardcore retro gamer that Erin is.

    Then she mentions two obscure games that Mike told her about.  Mike probably wrote this.  Well, the rough outline, anyway.  I doubt that Mike included all of the commentary about colours, for example.

    9:00 – Rollerblade Racer.  You guys all know…oh fuck.  Just end this video.

    She had absolutely nothing to say about the game.  And it was Mike playing it, of course.

    10:15 – Some Tom & Jerry game.  

    “I always found it odd how this game had two titles.”

    Oh, do tell.  You “always” found it odd.  How far back do these intrusive thoughts go?  Five minutes before recording the video when you first heard of this game?

    10:30 – “I completely forgot about Tuffy.”

    Erin “always” “forgets” about Tuffy.

    Still talking about Tuffy, “He was the grey mouse who appeared in some of the cartoon shorts.  The way his name is in the title, it makes it seem like he is playable.  But no, Jerry has to save him.  Imagine if in the first Super Mario Bros game, instead they called is Super Mario Bros (Luigi and Princess Toadstool) even though you don’t play as her.”

    But…you do play as Luigi?  He’s one of the two brothers being referenced in the original title.  So why did she include Luigi…let’s just move on.

    11:00 – “I’ve never been able to get super far into this game because I get frustrated way too fast.”

    Let’s assume that it’s Erin playing the game for this video.  She played the game once.  For the video.  That’s it.  So why does she say that she’s “never been able to get get into the game”?  She never fucking played it before.  This is not how the English language works.  Just say, “I’ve never played this before and I didn’t do well this one time that I played the game for the purposes of this video.”  What’s so wrong about that?  Why try to con people into thinking that you played the game before?  NOBODY FUCKING CARES!  They’ll still watch the fucking videos.  Just be honest with the audience.

    12:30 – Shoutout to the Flintstones game that she “reviewed” in her previous video.

    13:00 – “I can’t help but get Battletoads vibes here.  Doesn’t it remind you of the level with the ducks in the water.”

    No, Erin.  I only played Battletoads once, briefly, for my own amusement, and then never again.  So I don’t know the level.

    But there’s footage of…Erin’s fingers from some stream where she was looking at an ancient copy of Nintendo Power and pointing to some Battletoads map.  Why?  What are we getting out of this?  Show the actual fucking level from the game.

    13:30 – Harley’s Humungous Adventure.  Thank fuck that this is the last game.  

    “This one was introduced to me about a year ago during one of my Super Nintendo variety streams.”

    They all were.  Why not just admit it?  She’s never played any of these fucking games outside of when she’s streaming.  

    She likes the colours.  Great.  That’s what we all need to know.

    14:45 – Shoutout to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.  She’s never seen the movie before.

    15:15 – She likes the food enemies.  She likes food enemies in games.  Food enemies are cute.  Great.

    16:30 – Shoutout to Felix the Cat.  A game that she played once, for a Youtube video, and then never again.

    That’s the video.  Absolute trash.  Just stop making videos.  Carpal tunnel.  If this is the best that she can do with her new debilitating condition, just stop.  Go get a fucking job like a normal person.

    – “I keep forgetting what a fad the Beethoven movies were. Between 7 and 10 or so I was surrounded by girls in my elementary school obsessed with the Beethoven films. Carrying folders with pictures of St Bernard’s on them, too.”

    This guy “always” “forgets” how popular the Beethoven movies were.  How often is this coming up in conversation?

    – “everytime i watch an erin video, my jealousy of mike grows”

    Pathetic in the extreme.

    – “I really like your new glasses! The shimmer effect on them is really cool.”

    Get a girlfriend.

  • Reading Nintendo Power Volume 36 on Stream – Erin Plays

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myQ_6SZ1GGI

    Two hours and fifteen minutes of Erin pretending to give a fuck about issue 36 of Nintendo Power.  “I never had one of those but I wanted one.  I never saw that before.  I played this game once, on stream, for money.”

    What’s the fucking point?  We all know what this is.  

    I don’t know.  Maybe we don’t.  There’s some “Youtuber” Darius Truxton who genuinely seems to enjoy Erin’s videos and genuinely thinks that she’s interested in video games.  Mr Truxton is an odd fellow but he doesn’t seem to be mentally retarded.  So…if somebody like him can’t see through Erin’s obvious fraud, what chance do the horntards have?  The horntards probably think that Erin is genuinely interested in video games.  It’s baffling but…here we are.

    0:30 – We get an immediate edit.  Well…I guess I’ll check what she’s hiding.  It’s probably just saying hello to the horntards but maybe it’s something juicy.

    Oh am I glad I checked.

    “Hi.  I missed you.  So I was sick for all of July, basically.  Then my carpal tunnel got really bad.  I got cortisone shots in each wrist, like, less than a week ago.  So you can be pretty sore for the first few days after that.  That’s currently what I’m dealing with.  So that’s depressing.  But that’s why I’m not streaming Castlevania 64 tonight.  I was like, you know what, we haven’t done a magazine stream in a while so maybe we can do that.”

    Erin’s entire life is depressing.  The fake carpal tunnel syndrome is way down on the list of things that she should be depressed about.  She has no job.  She’s in a fake relationship.  Her scheme to use Mike to become a famous Youtuber has failed spectacularly.  She’s getting fucked in the ass every night for $100/month.

    I was reading an article recently about a rise in STDs among women owing to the increased popularity of heterosexual buttsex.  There was also an increase in conditions like incontinence.  

    So this is all adding to Erin’s woes.  Imagine having to wear an adult diaper at the age of 35 because you got fucked in the ass too much as part of some hairbrained scheme to become a famous Youtuber.  For the rest of your life you have to wear these incontinence pads.  

    And for what?  Erin has totally ruined her life.  What an idiotic scheme to begin with.  Who cares about being a famous Youtuber?  Why didn’t she dream about getting a job in a bank or something?  She could have made some fucking money and it would be a plausible dream to attain.   

    “So basically what I’m saying is thank you for being here.  I missed you all very much.”

    So disingenuous.  These people are genuinely mentally retarded.  She’s catering to this.  She’s fuelling their retarded fantasies of being in a relationship with Erin.  And for what?  

    Well, we know exactly what Erin makes from Twitch thanks to that leak from last year.  Let me look this up.  

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/10/breaking-news-twitch-earnings-leaked.html

    Erin made $6,900 from Twitch in 2020.  

    It’s not worth doing.  Erin could go around town collecting cans from the trash in order to be recycled and make more than $6,900/year.  And that job would be way less demeaning.  

    “RetroGamingKnight says, ‘The Dark…Wayne Duck is the first issue I got with my subscription.’   That’s awesome.  I’m probably going to start with that one.”

    She doesn’t even know the name of the character.  Even though it’s right there on the fucking cover.  Huge letters.  DARKWING DUCK.  She never heard of the character before.  She struggled with the name.  She called him Dark Wayne Duck.  

    And of course, she had nothing to say to this guy.  Just her usual, “That’s cool”.  Although, she switched it up ever so slightly by saying “awesome” instead of “cool”.  

    What could she possibly say to that?  She doesn’t know anything about the game.  Or the NES.  Or Nintendo Power.  Or the year 1991 or whenever this issue came out.  Or the Darkwing Duck cartoon.  So…”that’s awesome”.

    Then she says that she has two videos coming up, she’s editing them, but it’s hard to edit them due to her carpal tunnel syndrome.  “Trying to stay positive.”  

    It’s all a fucking scam.  She doesn’t have carpal tunnel syndrome.  Why continue this fucking lie?  

    Somebody asks if she subscribed to Nintendo Power as a kid.  She says, “I did.  I subscribed during the Nintendo 64 era.”

    Uh huh.

    Then she says that she wasn’t subscribed when these particular issues that she’s looking at came out because she was only one or two years old.

    Okay.  Well then why are you looking at them now?  Why don’t you look at some issues from your era?  You know, when you were subscribed and looking forward to each new issue of Nintendo Power?  Why don’t you look at issues from the Nintendo 64 era?  Wouldn’t that make sense? 

    She wasn’t subscribed.  She doesn’t know anything about the Nintendo 64.  She never played any of the games.  These are all lies.

    By the way, this has all been edited out.  We’re up to like ten minutes.

    “Oh, you watched a lot of my Youtube videos?  Thank you so much.  That’s awesome.”

    Has she just substituted “that’s cool” with “that’s awesome”.  Because that’s not going to cut it.  She needs to have some kind of organic conversations with these horny losers.  Not just “That’s cool/awesome” every time.

    “So let’s do a little introduction in case I decide to upload this.”

    After two failed intros, we’re back to the Youtube video.  That entire section was cut out.

    1:00 – There’s an ad that says that you get a free player’s guide if you subscribe to Nintendo Power.  Erin says, “Did any of you guys have these?  I never had any of these.”

    You don’t say.  We’re off to a good start.

    1:30 – Then there’s another fucking edit.  Oh my god.  I have to check…

    “Did I watch Darkwing Duck?  I did.”

    There’s no fucking way.  She called the character Dark Wayne Duck.  

    “I wasn’t a hardcore Darkwing Duck fan but I did like the theme song a lot.”

    When was this show even on?  I barely remember it and I’m ten years older than her.  

    It was on from 1991 to 1992.  Erin aka Cykill1986 was born in 1987, according to her.  She would have been four or five years old.  

    So I probably barely remember it because I was too old to watch it.  But Erin was watching this as a five year old and remembers the theme song.  Uh huh.  Well, sing it for us, Erin.  She never watched a single fucking episode.

    So that was all edited out.  Just that section here where she claimed to watch the show.  Why did she edit this out?  Because it’s an obvious lie about her watching the show?  Didn’t she think that I was going to check the original video?  It’s what I usually do.  And who else cares?  

    1:30 – She’s reading from the chat.  “This issue is May 1992.  We’d be listening to Kris Kross’ Jump on the Top 40 radio.”

    Then Erin just laughs.  She doesn’t know the song.  She doesn’t know the group.  But this is her thing.  Music.  “The 90s”. Why doesn’t she know anything about it?  

    She doesn’t know anything about anything.

    We’re time traveling back to 1992.  I was in pre-school.”

    What the fuck is she going to have to say about 1992 then?  The time that she shit her pants in pre-school?  

    I don’t remember ANYTHING about pre-school.  Nothing.  I think that I went but I remember nothing about it.  I don’t remember the school, the class, the teacher, the students, nothing.  Maybe I didn’t go.  I don’t know.  But my earliest memories are from kindergarten.  

    Actually, now that I think about it, I do have a hazy memory of the teacher.  And indeed, I pissed my pants.  Yeah, it’s coming back to me.  I asked to go the bathroom, which I never did because I didn’t like to cause any kind of scene.  The teacher said that I could go.  So I was in the hallway looking for the bathroom.  I didn’t know where it was because I hadn’t used it before.  I must have really had to go because why else would I have asked?  It had to be an emergency situation.  

    So I’m frantically looking for the bathroom and then I just piss myself.  I go back to the class and nothing happens.  

    I get collected at the end of the day and my mother notices that I smell of urine.  So when I got home, I got changed.

    Years later, I remember hearing this story.  My mother must have spoken to the teacher and asked why she didn’t do anything.  The teacher claims that she didn’t notice anything was amiss.  

    So that’s my pre-school memory.  One memory.  

    Why did Erin choose this magazine from when she was in pre-school?  She’s not going to have anything to say about anything in the magazine.  

    I think it’s so she has an excuse to not have anything to say.  Because if she chose a Nintendo 64 era issue, for example, it would the same shit.  “I never had this before.  I never saw this before” and so on.  But then people might say, “Hey, wait a minute.  You said that this is your era.  Why don’t you know anything about what’s in here?”

    3:00 – She’s at the table of contents.  “Wacky Races.  I’ve been meaning to stream Wacky Races.”

    She never played it before.  That’s what she means when she says this.  Who gives a shit?  She never played any of these games unless it was one time, on stream, for money.

    4:00 – Then there’s another edit.  I don’t even care.  Let’s move on.

    She’s reading from the chat, “Do they still do ads like that now?  Ummm…I don’t know.”

    She was talking about this “edgy” Game Boy ad.  She says that it was less edgy than edgy ads that came later.  So now the horntard asks this vague question and Erin just says, “I don’t know.”  What doesn’t she know.  Answer: Everything.

    5:00 – “Letters to the editor.  I’m not going to read these because I don’t think my voice will hold up.”

    The letters are like two sentences each.  And the video goes on for another two hours and ten minutes.  Not including all of the stuff that she edited out.  Why didn’t she just read them?  

    Because it’s always a disaster.  She never has anything interesting to say about any of them.  She never has any idea what’s being referenced.  

    6:00 – Another edit.  You know what?  I’m good.

    I skipped around, briefly, yesterday and she talks about her carpal tunnel later in the video but…that’s the only remotely noteworthy thing that I found.  And I’ve already covered that.  She talks about her fake carpal tunnel syndrome constantly.  Just stop making the fucking videos, go back to your momma in California, and get a job like a normal person.

  • WTF Wednesday Review: MANIAC (1980) – Newt Wallen

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HqJjcmPYOM

    Fifty-five glorious minutes of Metz, better known as PVC Bondage Girl, in Newt’s kitchen.  What could be better than this?  They’re going to talk about a tits and gore movie, I’ll bet.  

    0:00 – So PVC Bondage Girl starts by signalling her allegiance to Satan.  That’s her normal greeting.

    They indicate that it’s 4:00 am.  Why is PVC Bondage Girl in Newt’s kitchen at 4:00 am?  It’s not something that I want to think about.

    Oh, and I can’t see PVC Bondage Girl’s entire outfit but she’s wearing a dog collar.  She must have filmed this shortly after her shift at the cinema.

    0:15 – Newt says that PVC Bondage Girl went to a furry convention a couple of weeks earlier and got covid.  How is that possible?  Surely, everybody there was wearing a mask.  

    But yeah, this is another weird sex thing that PVC Bondage Girl is into.  You know, I’m officially putting PVC Bondage Girl in my “dislike” category.  I had such high hopes for PVC Bondage Girl.  But no.  She’s just some freak who’s into a lot of weird sex stuff.  She wants attention.  She wasn’t hugged enough as a child.  Maybe she’s going to start crying about this like Newt did in a video not long ago.

    0:30 – Then she drove to Minnesota to pick her girlfriend up.  So…in addition to being a furry and into BDSM and “hook stuff”, she’s also a lesbian.  But…she can’t find a woman to date anywhere in rural Pennsylvania.  Or even the whole of “The East Coast”.  The closest woman she can find lives 1500 miles away in Minnesota.  

    Wait…maybe the girlfriend was just visiting Minnesota or something.  

    No.  Because they say that she picked the girlfriend up to take her to Pittsburgh for another convention.  Another furry convention, presumably.  Or maybe some other weird shit.  Then she drove her girlfriend back to Minnesota.

    So yeah.  This girlfriend definitely lives in Minnesota.  Why can’t she find somebody more local?  I suppose given all of the weird shit that she’s into, it’s hard to find a compatible person.  

    1:00 – Then Newt makes a joke suggesting that PVC Bondage Girl wants to have sex with him.  It’s just fucking pathetic.

    1:30 – “About a month ago, an insane person sent me a message on Twitter saying that I got fired from the theatre because I sexually harassed you and that you were my employee at Water Tower.  But they also contacted the theatre and the theatre went, ‘a) that person never worked here; and b) no, he left to do his other shit.’”

    I don’t recommend that anybody contacts Newt or certainly his employers or possible employers but it’s definitely plausible that Newt got fired for sexual harassment.  If he wasn’t fired for sexual harassment, he should have been.  His behaviour was appalling in those videos.  

    2:15 – Then PVC Bondage Girl says that she hasn’t worked for Newt in three years.  Then what the fuck was she doing in the theatre making the videos?  This was the theatre that Newt was working at, presumably.  So she took time out of her day to go shoot these terrible movie reviews?  She travelled to the cinema for that?  

    2:30 – “I don’t know what they hoped to get out of that.  Have I ever sexually harassed anyone?”

    Oh, Newt.  You are beyond delusional.  “Let’s go make a porno”.  Show me the workplace where that phrase wouldn’t lead to an instant dismissal.

    Apparently, she wasn’t working there, though.  But he was.  So…it’s a grey area, I guess.  

    2:45 – PVC Bondage Girl says, “You do not sexually harass me.  If anything, I sexually harass you.”

    You have a girlfriend, PVC Bondage Girl.  In Minnesota.  Who you to take to furry conventions and do “hook stuff” with.  Why are you flirting with The Ideas Man at 4:00 am in his kitchen?  Won’t the girlfriend get jealous?  

    But this does answer the question about whether or not PVC Bondage Girl wore PVC bondage gear at work or if she changed into the bondage gear before making the video.  Apparently, she wasn’t working at the cinema at all.  So she just came in off the street dressed like that, solely for the purposes of making the videos.

    Does PVC Bondage Girl still work in a cinema?  We don’t know.  That question remains unanswered.

    3:00 – Then Newt says, in defence of him NOT sexually harassing PVC Bondage Girl, that he “saved her from being sex trafficked by an off-brand John Travolta.”

    How is that a defence against sexual harassment?  Does Newt know what sexual harassment is?  It’s constant fucking sex comments, for example.  Like this one.  

    3:45 – “I guess it’s because I’m a little fucking troll, there’s no reason why women would ever want to be around me.”

    No, you fucking cretin.  It’s because you constantly made sexual remarks to PVC Bondage Girl.  IN THE VIDEOS.  

    4:00 – “Now that we have that out of the way, now that I’ve lured you into my sex dungeon.”

    See?  Like that one.  Just review the fucking movie, you creepy loser.  I’ve got another fifty minutes of this shit.

    10:00 – They’ve been talking about the movie Rocky and Newt suddenly says, “Did you know that Sylvester Stallone was in a porno?”

    Uh huh.  Again with the sex talk.  Of all the things that Sylvester Stallone has done in his life, Newt goes right to the sex talk.  Because he’s trying to have sex with PVC Bondage Girl.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he is having sex with her.  

    11:30 – PVC Bondage Girl starts rubbing her head.  Newt says, “Are you okay?” and PVC Bondage Girl says, “I guess the aspirin started to kick in.”

    I’ve never experienced this.  I’ve never experienced any sort of negative effect from taking aspirin.  Maybe this isn’t aspirin.  Maybe she shouldn’t be doing the video if she feels unwell.  Because it’s her who suggested doing this video.  She texted Newt at 4:00 am asking if he wanted to make this video.  And Newt, instead of saying, “No, it’s 4:00 am, fuck off” like a normal person would do, said, “Okay.  Hope you’re in your bondage gear.  I’m all horned up and am going to make dozens of sexual comments on the video.”

    12:30 – He says that all of the women in the movie are “1980s adult film actresses”.  And a bit earlier he said that Carolyn Monroe is in the movie.  That’s a porn star of some description but I don’t think that she was working as far back as 1980.  Could I be wrong?  

    Not according to IAFDB dot com  Her first movie was in 1990.  And she died this year.  Maybe he’s talking about a different Carolyn Monroe.  But one who was also in porn?  I don’t know.

    Anyway, I’m bored as fuck with this.  I might stop soon.  I don’t give a shit about these tits and gore movies.

    13:00 – Newt tells a story about being in film school and a porn star came in to talk about unions or something.  I DON’T CARE, NEWT!

    I was about to say “talk about the movie” but he is.  This is a porn movie.  All the actresses are porn stars.  And it’s tits and gore.  So he’s being on topic but…I just don’t care.  I don’t care about any of this.  Who does?  Who’s the audience for this?  

    17:30 – Now they’re talking in detail about their favourite graphic rape scenes in cinema.

    19:30 – PVC Bondage Girl says that she was imagining herself in some rape scene and…going to see a guy to “hook up”…and…I don’t even care.  I don’t care about any of this.  This is stupid.  There’s no entertainment value here.  This is two giant losers sitting in Newt’s kitchen at 4:00 am talking about rape porn.  I mean…no, I’m not going to waste any more time on this.

  • More Cortisone Injections for Carpal Tunnel Erin

     https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1555527336874938368

    I received my 2nd round of cortisone shots in my wrists (really hoping it helps this time!) and I’m still trying to play catch up after being sick last month. I miss streaming and I’m stressed about how absent I’ve been but I’ll be back again asap

    We’re all waiting, Erin.  We’re waiting to hear more of your retro gaming wisdom.  

    She got her first shot in February.  Allegedly.  I talk about it here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/02/erin-is-getting-cortizone-shots-in-her.html

    So apparently, she’s going every six months for cortisone injections.  Either she found some quack doctor to go along with her lies or she’s being injected with a placebo just to shut her up.  I like to think it’s the latter.

    So horny wheelchair guy replies.  This guy must be new.  This is the second time that I’m seeing him and the first time was just recently.  Wait…was he on Crystal’s Twitter or Erin’s?  Let me check.

    It was Erin.

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/08/erin-is-incapable-of-scheduling-doctors.html

    So he says:

    I have a trach because I had have surgery on my back because the rod in my back was poking through. long story short they discharged me too early, I went home had a bowl of soup and I ended up aspirating. But luckily I didn’t give up and I am a lot stronger now!!

    Good god, that sounds horrible.  It really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it, Erin?  You’re talking about your bullshit carpal tunnel syndrome lies and here’s this horny guy in a wheelchair with a rod for a spine.  Almost died.

    Erin replies:

    Oh wow, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that! My problems aren’t anything close to that. I’m glad you’re stronger now though and thank you so much for the support!

    But keep giving me money, you horny retard, and I’ll continue to pretend to be your friend.  It’s disgusting.

    Then some fat nerd posts a picture of his fat carpal tunnel hand.  He also says that the doctor refused to believe that he had carpal tunnel syndrome.  Probably because he didn’t have carpal tunnel syndrome.

    What’s in it for the doctor to refuse treatment?  Doctors get paid by the treatment.  Doctors have an incentive to do as many treatments as possible.  The only thing holding them back is a code of ethics and some kind of internal investigations.

    I went to a doctor once, just a routine physical, I was like 20 years old.  I’ve told this story before.  I saw a former classmate in the waiting room.  A receptionist was telling him to stop coming in and wasting their time because there’s nothing wrong with him.

    But I never told the second part of this riveting tale.  I go see the doctor.  I give him the form that needs to be filled out.  There are just a few things that he needed to do.  Reflex test and whatever.  I don’t remember.

    Then he starts questioning my height.  I’m taller than average but it’s not freak show material.  But this doctor seems really concerned about my height.  “Why are you so tall?  Is the rest of your family tall?”

    This was an Indian guy, by the way.  Lots of Indian doctors in the US.  And the UK.  Of course there are good Indian doctors but it’s often a warning sign.

    The next thing I know, some nurse is running an ultrasound on me.  Like I’m pregnant.  He thought that I had some fucking rare condition where the people are really tall and have really elongated fingers and toes.  I’m not really tall and don’t have really elongated fingers and toes.  I’m well within the normal range of humanity.  Any competent doctor can see this.

    So after this ultrasound, which took like half an hour, the doctor comes in and says, “Well, it looks like you don’t have the condition but if we want to be 100% certain, we have to run a camera down your throat and take a picture of the inside of your stomach.”  I said, “I’m not doing that.”  And he got defensive.  “Oh, you don’t have to.  It’s just my recommendation if you want to be 100% certain.”

    He was a crook.  He knew that I was young, didn’t have much experience with doctors so would just go along with whatever, and I had insurance.  The insurance company refused to pay because the test was completely unnecessary.  So he got nothing for that.

    The point of this story is that doctors are not in the habit of refusing treatment to people who need it.  Or even people who don’t need it.  But Erin and this fat fuck Star Trek fan Steven seem to think that you have to beg doctors to carry out work.  No.  A competent doctor will perform every appropriate test and procedure.  Equally, a competent doctor won’t perform tests and procedures on patients who don’t require them.  

    Here’s Steven’s Twitter, by the way.

    https://twitter.com/Steven__000

    Has Spock from Star Trek on his banner and Judge Dredd as his avatar.  These are the hardcore nerds who watch these women’s videos.  These are the complete losers who gives these women money.

    Erin replies, “Wow, that’s crazy but I’m so glad you got it figured out finally! I’m not against surgery if the shots don’t help.”

    Get the surgery.  If Erin just got the surgery and we had some kind of proof of it…okay.  I’d apologise for doubting her.  I still might not be convinced that she has carpal tunnel syndrome but I’d at least be convinced that she thinks that she has carpal tunnel syndrome.  Because what kind of psycho would get unnecessary surgery just to try to continue a lie?  

    – “Erin I am truly sorry your having a tough time. I truly care about you and I hope you feel better sweetheart. believe me being sick sucks, in 2017 I was in the hospital for many months. I had a lung aspiration and it was so stressful because I missed so much.”

    That was from horny wheelchair guy.  Doesn’t she feel bad?  This guy is talking to her like she’s his girlfriend.  He’s giving her money.  And she just accepts it.  She takes the money.  She lets him continue to post there.  She responds to his messages.  She encourages all of this.  This is the goal.  This is her job.  Her job is to scam horny retards out of their money.

    – “Erin just take the time off and recover your fans will still be there when you return.”

    Yeah.  Exactly.  Her horny retard fans don’t mind.  They’ll continue to pay her no matter what she does.  As much or as little effort as Erin wants to put into this Youtube and Twitch scam, they’ll continue to pay.  

    – “Don’t rush it Erin, your gonna comeback fully strong it’s like You’ve never been gone”

    That was from horny retard Super Geoff, who works in a grocery store and lives in a group home.  He’s a regular on Erin’s streams.  And Mike’s streams.  Gives both of them a lot of money.  

    He also posted a weird gif of the little girl from Full House.  Michelle.  You know, because Erin is such a big fan of Full House.  Even though the show was cancelled when she was like seven years old.

    – “Erin don’t you give up because you are the Queen of Stream!! I believe in you and I believe you’ll be back and stronger than ever!!! #FightErinFight”

    That was from horny wheelchair guy again. I feel so fucking bad talking about him but…look at this.  It’s literally a horny man in a wheelchair.  Replying constantly.  In a sexual fashion.  And he tweets LOADS of porn stars and just sluts on Twitter and shit like this.  

    She takes money from this guy.

    – “We all understand. Rest up for now and when you feel up to it, start off light, then work your way up to what you’re accustomed to.”

    That was from Luis Chambers.  

    https://twitter.com/lchambers56

    Another giant fucking nerd.  He lists his “job” as moderator for some video game shit.  

    – “So sorry you are going through this. You are in my thoughts and hoping for a speedy recovery.”

    That was from Horny John…Hancock this time.  Maybe the whole Metal Jesus crew are Erin fans.  She’s just so knowledgeable about video games.  I get it.

    – “Fingers crossed this round goes better for you and that you can get some relief. 💜 Sorry you’re dealing with this.”

    That was from Horny Goriya.  God damn is that woman boring.  But she’s hot for Erin.  

    – “Crossing my fingers for you friend!”

    That was from Super Awkward Gal.  She’s also horny for Erin.

    – “Cortisone shots? Wow. That’s some hard-core gaming you’re doing if you’re giving yourself arthritis in the wrists.”

    I like to think that he’s being sarcastic but…I don’t believe that he is.

    – “this medical distsharge discontinueance needed for medikkuhl serwis tending your wound. mind ur qurr.”

    I’m inclined to agree.  Finally someone talking some sense in the comments.

    https://twitter.com/cuhyaeuhl

    It’s somebody who is deeply disturbed.  He has schizophrenia or something.  These are the people who Erin is taking money from.

  • PREY Review – Newt Wallen

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8olhxkHZapg

    2:45 – “Set in the 1700s about a Commanche tribe.  I saw a lot of people who were upset because it’s a girl as the lead and they were just like, ‘Oh, it’s just because she’s a Mary Sue” and (makes weird noises).  This is not sisters-get-things-done movie.  First off, native American culture is very gender-neutral or gender-fluid anyway so there were female warriors.”

    Oh, do tell.  People nowadays seem to trot out the “Indians were the OG ladyboys” shit.  Haven’t these people suffered enough?  Now we’re expected to believe that American Indians didn’t believe in gender? 

    First of all, there were hundreds if not thousands of tribes.  Scholars estimate that there were up to 100 million American Indians before the Europeans arrived.  They spanned from Northern Canada to the southernmost tip of South America.  Do you think that different tribes might have had different views on gender?  

    No, they were just all too busy putting dresses on and fucking each other in the ass.  That’s what the Chosen People want us to believe.  

    The genocide of the American Indians is the greatest atrocity in the history of mankind.  And now these fucking degenerates in the media want to push the narrative that American Indians were all about being gender-fluid.  They were transgender.  All of them.  Every American Indian was transgender.  

    It’s disgusting.  

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-spirit

    Two-spirit (also two spirit, 2S or, occasionally, twospirited) is a modern, pan-Indian, umbrella term used by some Indigenous North Americans to describe Native people in their communities who fulfill a traditional third-gender (or other gender-variant) ceremonial and social role in their cultures.  The term Two Spirit (original form chosen) was created in 1990 at the Indigenous lesbian and gay international gathering in Winnipeg.

    It’s something that a handful of gay Indians invented in 1990.  So now this false narrative gets pushed by the usual media moguls and fucking dullards like Newt Wallen lap it up.

    3:45 – Newt again says, “Not in a Mary Sue” way.  What does this even mean?  I have to look this up too.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue

    A Mary Sue is a type of fictional character, usually a young woman, who is portrayed as unrealistically free of weaknesses. Originating in fan fiction, a Mary Sue is often an author’s idealized self-insertion. Mary Sue stories are often written by adolescent authors.

    The term Mary Sue was coined by Paula Smith in the 1973 parody short story “A Trekkie’s Tale”, as the name of a character standing in for idealized female characters widespread in Star Trek fan fiction. A male character with similar traits may be labelled a Gary Stu or Marty Stu.

    Oh.  How silly of me not to know about Star Trek fan fiction terminology.

    Then you continue reading the article and…this is about pornographic Star Trek fanfiction.  Why would we be expected to know this?  Who’s the audience for this shit?  Is it just me who doesn’t read pornographic Star Trek fanfiction?  Newt is using this term like everybody knows it.  Maybe he’s right.  Maybe for his audience, they know this shit.

    5:45 – “They’re showing the savagery of the white man and we all know how that goes.”

    Newt really hates white people.  

    When I mentioned the genocide of the American Indians as the worst atrocity ever committed, I was right.  But I don’t blame white people.  The blame lies specifically on English people.  English people are the league leaders in atrocities.  Nobody else is even close.  

    Do we need to get into it?  They brutally subjugated their neighbours in Wales, Ireland, and Scotland.  The subjugation of India.  The subjugation of much of Africa.  The slave trade.  The genocide of the American Indians.  

    And if you’d like a list of British war crimes, Wikipedia has you covered:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_war_crimes

    Additionally, every atrocity committed by the US can be attributed to the English.  The US has been ruled by Anglo-Saxons from the founding of the country until today.  Look at the names of the politicians, the leaders of industry, et cetera.  Overwhelmingly Anglo-Saxon.  

    HL Mencken wrote extensively about this. 

    The average American of the Anglo-Saxon majority, in truth, is simply a second-rate Englishman, and so it is no wonder that he is spontaneously servile, despite all his democratic denial of superiorities, to what he conceives to be first-rate Englishmen. He corresponds, roughly, to an English Nonconformist of the better-fed variety, 

    As true today as when it was written nearly 100 years ago.

    But Newt Wallen (Anglo-Saxon name, by the way) wants us to blame the entirety of the Caucasian population for the atrocities committed by the English and the so-called Anglo-Saxons of the US.  I’m not buying it, Newt.  I’m not going to blame Poles for the slave trade.  Swedish people didn’t kill the American Indians.  Hungarians didn’t supply the Chinese with opium.  It wasn’t the Dutch who firebombed the civilian population of Dresden.  Czechs didn’t drop two atomic bombs on Japan.  

    But Newt Wallen and his ilk like to blame the entirety of the white population for the crimes of the Anglo-Saxons.  Because it serves them.  Their people did something bad so they try to blame everybody to deflect blame.  No.  You’re to blame.  Not me.  Your ancestors did this stuff.  Not mine.  Your people continue to do this stuff.  Not mine.

    If you’d like to learn more about the atrocities of the Anglo-Saxons as distinct from the rest of the Caucasian population, you can check out HL Mencken’s fine piece entitled The Anglo-Saxon.

    https://archive.org/stream/mencken017105mbp/mencken017105mbp_djvu.txt

    It starts slightly below the halfway point of the page.

    9:00 – “Are we creating anything of value now?  Everything is just a copy of a copy of a copy.”

    The irony.

    13:00 – Newt gives his idiotic, plagiarised movie idea which is basically The Most Dangerous Game but with hot chicks.  Tits and gore.

    13:45 – Newt talks about his “meds”.  He got his prescription re-filled so he’s not as emotional.  Good for you, Newt.  

    You know what might also help?  Getting a fucking job.  And he had a job.  Why did he quit?  For these idiotic tits and gore movie ideas that are entirely plagiarised?  

    14:15 – He mentions Mary Sue for the third fucking time.

    Comments.

    – “I loved it! She wasn’t a Mary Sue at all, she almost died at least 10 times, lol..”

    So I guess these people do know about pornographic Star Trek fanfiction.

    – “Did I miss an announcement for a Discord? O.o Or is it private for Patreons or such?”

    Oh yeah.  I happened to check out the Discord yesterday.  Newt didn’t write anything there in months.  He wrote some shit when the Discord started and then never again.  And there were just a few weird ladyboys posting weird off-topic shit there.  

  • Crystal Quin is NOT a Narcissist (According to Crystal Quin)

     https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/07/im-back-horseface-returns-to-twitch.html

     It’s all been a big misunderstanding, guys.  She explains everything in a comment in the above article.

    Hey! Horseface here. I heard of this blog but never read any of it until tonight. It does bring me sadness that I come off as a narcissist to some people.

    Oh, yeah.  She’s really broken up about being called a “narcissist” by “some people.”  Just a handful of misguided souls.  Also known as everybody on earth who ever watched a single video of her or saw how she dresses.

    I was made fun of for most of my life and never felt attractive until a few years ago.

    Oh, that’s terrible.  Nobody likes to be made fun of.  And Crystal was obviously bullied for her appearance.  That’s why she told a story about being 19 years old and in some kind of sex auction at a bar.  She danced on the table with this other woman while the horny patrons cheered them on.  Then somebody paid “a lot of money” to go out with Crystal and her friend.  

    This is a story that she told.  You can read about it here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/06/crystal-quin-is-unwatchable.html

    One of the earliest appearances of Crystal on Hack the Movies.  She told this story about how hot she was and somebody paid a lot of money to go out with her.  As a 19 year old.  

    When was the bullying?  When was the low self-esteem?  People with low self-esteem who don’t think that they’re attractive tend not to dance on bar counters and take part in sex auctions.  

    They also tend not to be shot girls, which was an early career of Crystal’s that she mentions later in this response.  

    They also tend not to send, “Let’s have sex” texts, to their boss, who later became her boyfriend of nine years, who was in the marines.

    She also told a story about being propositioned by a different boss who wanted to have sex with her.  

    Oh, she’s also a “model”.  There are LOADS of pictures on her Instagram, probably dating back many years, of her in her underwear in various “gothic” softcore porn pictures.

    Does any of this sound like somebody who had low self-esteem and didn’t think that they were attractive?  

    Maybe my excitement of feeling attractive is coming out on the stronger side. I’m trying to build my self esteem and confidence.

    She has never told a single story to indicate that she ever thought she was anything other than a hot chick who everybody wants to have sex with.  Every fucking story is like this from every stage of her life.  

    Some things I can clear up…- I don’t get paid for Hack the Movies or anything I ever shot with Newt. I actually put in money for many of the projects Newt and myself made. I honestly do them because I have fun. I don’t make any money from any of this, except a small amount from Twitch when I stream.

    Oh, I forgot to mention this one.  Poor Crystal over here who thinks that she’s so unattractive and has low self-esteem decided to get into acting.  She’s in loads of tits and gore stuff that her friend The Ideas Man plagiarised.  She’s there in a bikini, whatever.  Constantly.  FOR YEARS.  Since high school.  She went to that “acting high school”, remember.  

    WHEN WAS THE LOW SELF-ESTEEM?  WHEN DID SHE THINK THAT SHE WAS UNATTRACTIVE?

    And Newt wasn’t even paying for this.  SHE paid, apparently.  The only thing she got out of these tits and gore projects was feeding her vanity.  

    – I do have a full time job as a production manager at a venue. It’s my pure passion. I used to be a stage manager for Broadway and other professional shows. I used to do that “shot girl” kind of stuff and once in a blue moon I may pick up a gig again. The showgirl event I did was as a showgirl dancer for a birthday party. Not stripper, but more like party motivating and showing guests dance moves.

    Nobody suggested that she’s a stripper.  But here’s Crystal Quin, very low self-esteem, thinks that she’s unattractive, dressing up as a showgirl for a birthday party.  This must all be part of her growing confidence.

    – I like to support Johanna and Mint because they’re friends.

    Perhaps suggest to your “friends” that they don’t do pornography or get pimped out by some fat hillbilly.  

    – I am bi.

    Oh, sure.  We’ve heard so much about Crystal’s lesbian relationships.  She was in a nine year relationship with her marine corps boyfriend and before that, she was with The Ideas Man.  Where did the ladies come into any of this?  

    And I might lose people on this but women who claim to be bisexual are usually not the low self-esteem type who think that they’re unattractive.  They’re the type who think, “Hey, everybody wants to have sex with me.  Men and women.  I might as well get in on this.”

    – I have gotten A LOT of hate from the internet commenting on my appearance. It wasn’t just you. It’s been happening my whole life. Horseface is new, though.

    Direct me to the comments.  All I see on the Hack the Movies videos are comments about how hot Crystal is.  Everybody wants to have sex with her.  Sometimes somebody will say, “Hey, I don’t care much for Crystal.  She’s annoying” but I don’t see anything negative about her appearance.

    – I have also gotten a lot of hate from some people who think Newt left Hack the Movies because of me.

    I have no idea where this comes from.  I’ve heard Newt and now Crystal talk about this but I’ve never seen a single person make such an allegation.  And the allegation doesn’t make sense.  Newt was fired for plagiarising.  That’s what Newt does.  I have no idea why anybody would blame Crystal for this and I don’t think that anybody is blaming her.  I haven’t seen a single instance of that.

    – The Newt situation is a very personal situation. I met him 15 years ago and he was my first love. Unfortunately I was too young to see the emotional abuse he put me through. You see in that interview he mentioned about moving to Arizona. That is when I forced myself to move on. That’s a lot more to this story. Feel free to ask questions.

    I don’t give a fuck about your emotional abuse.  Keep your drama from 15 years ago to yourself.  Trying to bring The Ideas Man down with these nebulous claims of abuse from many years ago.  How dare you?  If he was so abusive, why did you still make the fucking tits and gore videos with him?  Why did you appear on Hack the Movies with him?  You were hanging out with him and doing whatever right up until he was fired for plagiarism.  Then suddenly he’s a complete scumbag who abused you?  

    Why be the man’s muse for 15 years if he’s so abusive?  Fucking outrageous.

    – I may act silly on Hack the Movies because it’s my escape from reality.

    I don’t consider talking about hot chicks who you want to have sex with for every fucking comment to be “acting silly”.  It’s narcissistic behaviour.  “Look at me!  Everybody wants to have sex with me!  I love hot chicks even though all of my long-term relationships have been with men!”

    – Yes, I feel as if I have to defend myself because a lot in the comments because I want people to not have the wrong idea of me. I need to remember to eventually get over that, but at the moment it’s easier said than done.

    Everybody has to like Crystal.  This is all part of her narcissism.

    – I did date my ex for 9 years. I did end the relationship. He is still an extremely good friend and we talk often.

    Note how she has to stress that SHE ended the relationship.  Because nobody ends relationships with Crystal.  She’s too much of a hot chick.  Everybody wants to have sex with her.

    – No, I was not sleeping with Newt when I was with my ex. He was aware of the situation. He was supposed to be my best friend.

    Nobody suggested that you were.  Somebody left a comment stating that it’s unlikely that you would have done that.

    Yes, I did just talk about myself, but wanted to try and clear something’s up. If you have questions, ask me.

    No questions from me.  I don’t give a fuck.  I know exactly what you are.  A total narcissist.  And you’ve been a narcissist at least since high school.

    I don’t l know where the hate came from

    From the constant comments about how hot you are and how everybody wants to have sex with you.  From the constant comments about hot chicks who you want to have sex with.  From the swindling of horny retards.  From the complete lack of EVER having ANYTHING interesting to say.  

    But if there’s something I can clear up, I will. You can DM me and I have no problem having a conversation.

    Here’s why people do this sort of stuff: they don’t want people writing shit about them.  It’s like when Justin Silverman wrote on Reddit and then everybody started kissing his ass.  These same people who hurled disgusting abuse at him FOR YEARS about his weight and…well, just his weight, really.  But then he posts one time on Reddit and everybody is his best friend.

    They do this to say, “Hey, come on.  I’m just a regular person.  Let’s rap a little.”

    I get it.  Nobody wants some weirdo time-stamping every time you talk about wanting to have sex with a hot chick and calling you names and whatnot.  And maybe I got something wrong.  Maybe they just want to set things straight.  

    But that’s not the case here.  What I’m saying is accurate.  What she wrote is just a pack of lies.  She doesn’t have low self-esteem.  She doesn’t think that she’s unattractive.  You certainly don’t get this impression from the videos.  And her entire life up until this point all suggests that she never had low self-esteem or thought that she was unattractive.  Every story is about how hot she is and everybody wants to have sex with her.  

    Ultimately, who gives a shit?  Crystal Quin and everybody who I write about are bad people.  Some worse than others . But all they’re doing is making bad Youtube videos.  It’s nothing to get worked up over.  This is the fundamental humour of the blog.  I’m writing about something that’s completely insignificant.  Like Crystal Quin, for example.

  • Top 5 TV Shows That I Love – Cinemassacre

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fki5GjuIP-E

    0:00 – James, for the love of god, do something with your hair.

    And he’s in front of a green screen, of course.  It looks as awful as ever.

    I’d prefer to see James in front of the actual green screen.  Don’t superimpose this fake shit on to it.  Just have him in front of the green screen.  It’s fine.  That would be better than this shit.

    0:15 – “Here’s five shows that I love.  Not necessarily the top five shows that I love in any particular order.”

    Title of the video: “TOP 5 Shows That I Love”.  Way to go, Kieran or whoever titled this thing.

    Anyway, who cares what five shows Jimmy likes?  He couldn’t even be bothered to sit down and figure out what his actual top five favourites are.  These are just five shows that he liked and wanted to talk about for this completely disposable video.

    0:30 – “But first, a word from this video’s sponsor.”

    One day, it’s going to be Keeps.  It has to be.  It’s a natural.  The comedy writes itself.

    No, it’s that fucking shit mobile game that he keeps shilling for.  And he claims to play it.  Why lie?  Because it’s clearly a lie.  Why not just talk about the game?  Don’t say that you personally play it.  

    1:30 – There’s a graphic that says “30$”.  If you click the link, you get thirty dollars worth of virtual shit.  This graphic was made by the company for this advertisement that they send out to all of the shilling Youtubers.  But why would they put “30$” instead of “$30”?  Euros are written like that.  Maybe other currencies.  It seems like a weird mistake.  No American on earth would make that mistake so I suspect that it wasn’t an American making that graphic.  And no Americans were doing any quality control for that video.

    We’re two and a half minutes in and he’s already encouraged you to watch FIVE other videos that he made.  Lazy videos.  

    4:00 – South Park.  He give about 15 seconds of “review” on this one.  Some episodes are good, some are bad.  Great review, Jimmy.  He also mentioned a bunch of shows that he DIDN’T want to include on this.  Maybe cut out that bullshit and just talk about the five shows that you DO want to talk about.

    4:15 – Mystery Science Theatre 3000.  

    Wait…what?  Neither of those shows were even part of the list.  GET TO THE LIST, JIMMY, YOU FUCKING RETARD!  DON’T JUST MENTION RANDOM SHOWS THAT AREN’T ON THE LIST!  GET TO YOUR FIVE RANDOM SHOWS THAT ARE ON THE LIST!

    We’re fucking one-third into the video and he still hasn’t got to the fucking list.

    4:45 – Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Oh.  A show about Pennsylvania.  How about broadening your interests, Jimmy?  It’s like how he likes Rocky because it takes place in Pennsylvania.  It’s such an insular, small-minded way to go through life.  

    Imagine only watching tv shows and movies that take place in your hometown.  What kind of fucking moron does this?

    5:45 – He likes the show because it reminds him of sleazy Pennsylvania bars that he went to in college.  Have you done anything since college, Jimmy?  God, this is fucking terrible.

    6:15 – Family Matters.  What are you fucking nine years old?  This is a list that an adult man compiled?  FAMILY MATTERS?

    I remember being like 12 years old and kids would sometimes talk about it and I’d think, “What is wrong with these people?  Are they fucking retarded?”

    I watched the show.  It was on the popular TGIF line-up on the ABC television network.  And I was a kid.  But I didn’t enjoy it.  I never laughed once.  At any of these shows.  I knew that they were all bad.  But that’s what was on.  It was the shitty children’s shows of TGIF or…I don’t know…Law & Order or something.  I’m not watching that shit.

    Fucking Family Matters.  All I remember is shitty ass Urkel and when Laura got huge tits.  Oh, and fucking…that big-titted girl who liked Urkel.  I can’t remember her name.  She died years ago, unfortunately.

    A much hotter show was Step By Step.  You have fucking Suzanne Somers with her big jugs.  And there was also…Stacy Keach?  Was that her name?  I’d be astonished if I remembered this.  No, Stacy Keach is an old man.  What was I thinking of?

    Staci Keanan.  Yeah, she was hot.  And Angela Watson, who played Karen…still hot but less so.

    I saw an interview years ago with Brandon Call, who played JT, and he said that he always got horny around Suzanne Somers and that she let him touch her ass.  

    Anyway, we’re not here for my perverted stories about bad TGIF shows.  We’re here for James Rolfe’s BORING AS FUCK takes on them.  Fucking Family Matters.

    6:30 – “When it comes to sitcoms from my generation, this is my favourite.”

    You’re a retard, James.  

    Then he just starts listing other shows in the TGIF line-up.  This video is entirely filler.  He has nothing to say about these shows.  At least talk about Laura’s tits.

    7:30 – This is what I’m talking about.  A good shot of Laura in a tight, low-cut top.  Oh, and Myra is there too.  That’s the girl who liked Urkel.

    8:30 – Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Really?  I’ve never heard Jimmy talk about this show before.

    I watched it, I was really into it, but then I turned 15.  As an adult, this wouldn’t be on my top 100 shows.

    He likes Picard.  Great.  This is…boring as fuck.  

    What about Deanna Troi?  Is he going to talk about Deanna Troi’s tits?  If not, why bother?  Why even release a video?  

    I had a trading card of Troi that had a good shot of her cleavage and that card got some use.  This was before the internet and easy availability of pornography.

    10:30 – Breaking Bad.  I’ve never seen any of this shit.  Same with Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  I haven’t watched tv in many years.  So I don’t know who the big-titted characters are on these.  So I don’t give a shit.

    What about Two Broke Girls?  That one girl was ridiculous.  The show was god awful.  Ridiculously old-fashioned, hacky, 1980s sitcom material.  It was also bizarrely racist with that Asian “me speaky Chinese” owner.  But yeah, that one girl had big tits so that was the only redeeming quality of that show.

    Anyway, after reviewing Breaking Bad, Jimmy directs you to a full review of the show that he’s already done.  STOP PROMOTING YOUR OTHER SHITTY VIDEOS!

    And there aren’t links to any of this.  Not that I can see, anyway.  So what are we supposed to do?  Just search the channel for these videos ? 

    12:45 – Twilight Zone is, mercifully, the last show on the list.  Who gives a fuck?  This is the world’s most boring list of five random shows.  And were there any big tits in Twilight Zone?  Not that I can remember.

    14:45 – “Esc-u-lating”.  For “escalating.”  Nice pronunciation, Jimmy.

    15:45 – “Let me know in the comments, what are your favourite tv shows?”

    Oh god.  Can this be any more bland?  

    This guy can not make a fucking video.  What has he been doing for the past 15 years?  It really goes to show that it was Mike who was the “creative genius” behind this shit.  And then Screenwave.  The Screenwave shit was terrible but it wasn’t boring.  

    Jimmy, left to his own devices, could not be entertaining if his life depended on it.  He’s just a deeply autistic man who was a puppet for the actual people writing this shit, coming up with the ideas, whatever.  He just sat like there a drooling imbecile until it was time to read the lines.

    So to answer Jimmy’s question, what are my random five shows that I maybe like, I’d have to start with Love Boat.  But only the episodes with Charo.

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUm16XjqCT8]

    My second choice would be the little-known 1991 sitcom Hi Honey, I’m Home.  It was on Nick at Nite.  Briefly.  It was their first, and possibly only, original program.  It was a parody of 1950s situation comedies.  It was as funny as cancer and only a few episodes were broadcast but the two female leads had big tits.  I think that it was just padding to go with their character but I don’t care.

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTaXrN596fM]

    My third choice is Nurses.  Actually, I HATED this show.  I also hated the show that it spun off from: Empty Nest.  But compared to Nurses, Empty Nest is Seinfeld.  It’s on the list because there was so much potential with this show.  It’s a show about nurses.  Come on.  This shit writes itself.  But not one of these nurses had big tits.  What were they thinking?  Just watch Savanah RN instead.

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LY81WYZ-Z_M]

    Living Dolls is number four on my list.   Initially, I was going to go with King of Queens because Leah Remini has some big tits but then I thought, “Why not choose the show that has Leah Remini and Halle Berry?”  Also, Living Dolls is probably the best Who’s the Boss spinoff of them all.

     

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL0qGAL9n70]

    My final pick is the short-lived What a Country starring Soviet immigrant Yakov Smirnoff, who was red-hot at the time.  The show was like Head of the Class but absolutely abysmal.  The only saving grace was the Maria Conchita Lopez character and her melons, ably played by Ada Maris.  Oh that’s right.  She was also in Nurses.  So okay, that’s a redeeming feature of Nurses.  

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKTIAZadYvU]

    Breasts aside, these were all terrible, terrible shows.  But I’d still rather watch any of them than fucking Family Matters.

  • An Interview With Tony From Hack The Movies and Cinemassacre – Planet CHH

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZbk_cmSz_s

    Sixty-six glorious minutes of some guy I’ve never heard of interviewing some guy I would never have known had he not been involved with James “Rainman” Rolfe.

    I’m looking at the backgrounds…they’re doing this over Skype or something…and I couldn’t figure out why they have the same background.  It’s the same shelf of games behind them.  I thought maybe they’re in the same room.  

    No.  They’re in different rooms.  They’re each in their own home.  But they just have identical shelves of games behind them.  Because that’s what “gamers” do.  They get identical shelves and stock them full of games.  

    0:30 – “Tony, I want to say that I’ve been a really big fan and there are so many cool questions that I have for you.”

    Please don’t oversell this.  Because I can almost guarantee that this guy doesn’t have even a single cool question to ask.

    0:45 – “I got to know, what — obviously, you’re into movies, you’re into wrestling.  What was it for young Tony?  Like what was it that really captivated you as a kid?  Was it horror?  Action?”

    WHAT?  His first question DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE.  And you can see Tony struggling to comprehend any of this.  

    Well, there’s only one way to go from here.

    4:00 – Now they’re talking about their shelves.  Apparently, Tony’s shelves are full of movies, not games.  But they’re jealous of each other’s identical shelves full of whatever worthless crap.

    Tony says that he keeps his physical media because the streaming services don’t always stream the stuff that he wants to watch.  It might be available one day and unavailable the next.

    So fucking download the video if you’re that concerned about it.  

    He says that he got the Simpsons DVDs because he was concerned about episodes being censored and/or episodes being pulled.  

    These are the only DVDs of tv shows that I ever bought.  I got the first four seasons.  But I bought them like 20 years ago.  If there’s an episode that I want to watch, I’ll fucking download it.  Or there are pirate streaming sites that I’m sure we can all find for ourselves.  It’s not like episodes of The Simpsons are going to be hard to find.  It’s not some obscure show.  Any torrent site will have every single episode on there, uncut, uncensored, for your enjoyment.  And I think with the DVD commentary as well.

    5:30 – Shout out to that butch lesbian editor Jessica.  She’s 24, apparently.  Great.

    9:30 – A long, meandering question that goes nowhere.  This is this guy’s interview style.  He asks a minute long question, with a lot of asides and he loses his train of thought a lot, and then you’re left scratching your head wondering what he even asked.  It’s something like, “Can you tell us about your first episode on Cinemassacre” but told in a completely incomprehensible fashion.  

    WHEN DO THE COOL QUESTIONS START?  

    13:00 – “I want to know, are you — obviously, you talk about your — you’re editing videos and stuff like that.  This is just my perception of you.  Tell me if I’m wrong.  You seem like — you’re  like a blue collar guy to me.  You don’t strike me as the college guy and you just learn how to do this kind of stuff.  And I mean that in a good — like not in an insult — like I feel like I relate to you.  You’re the guy I relate to when I watch the videos.  I’m not a college guy and so — like you don’t strike me as –“

    Great question.  Cool even.  

    So…what is this guy asking?  If Tony went to college?  Yes.  He went to a two year program.  The same college that Terri Schiavo went to.  He got an associate’s degree.  I guess.  I thought that associate’s degrees more or less disappeared by the 1980s but maybe not.  Anyway, do your fucking research.  How come I know all of this?  I’m not a Tony from Hack the Movies fan.  But this guy started the interview with a meandering “question” saying that he’s a Tony from Hack the Movies fan.   

    And which one of the people on Cinemassacre is the intellectual juggernaut?  Fucking seven and a half years of special education James Rolfe?  Art school Mike Matei?  Have ANY of these Screenwave people completed a four year degree?  I don’t think so.  Kieran definitely not.  Justin, maybe.  

    It’s completely bizarre.  He thinks that Special Ed James is too much of an intellectual.  

    And he prefers the more “blue collar” Tony from Hack the Movies.  

    NONE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE FROM THE LANDED GENTRY, YOU FUCKING MORON.  THEY ALL COME FROM WORKING CLASS FAMILIES.

    You know, people talk about what a rich family Mike Matei had.  Can it really be possible?  His mother was an airline stewardess.  I don’t know what his father did but I’d be surprised if he was some wealthy industrialist and married to an airline stewardess.

    Anyway, Tony says that he did in fact go to college but neglects to say that it was a two year degree.  Fortunately, I’m here to set the record straight.

    Oh, in the next meandering, confusing question Tony says that he went to three colleges.  He went to some local college for the first two years, then transferred to the community college that Terri Schiavo went to, then went to Temple University.  But he didn’t graduate because he couldn’t do the mathematics classes.  

    So…I assume he was doing a four year degree but he transferred schools.  Twice.  He went to two community colleges (presumably for the first two years) and then transferred to a university but wasn’t able to pass the math classes so didn’t graduate.  

    I had a similar problem.  You needed to take an algebra class.  So I took the fucking lowest algebra class that was offered and failed twice.  Then I thought, “I’m going to try taking it in the summer next time” because the summer classes are always easier.  

    So I found a guy who passed everybody.  He wasn’t even a professor.  He was just some guy off the street who was looking for work.  He thought that doing a summer class would be a lark, make a little money, and whatever.  So I passed.  

    I did the same thing for Spanish.  I failed the first time so after that, I took all of the classes in the summer.  Summer classes are easier.  And I found the professor who passes everybody.

    Indeed, I chose my major based on finding a professor who passes everybody.  I took like half of my classes with this guy.  

    It was all a giant waste of time and money.  I never had a job that required a degree.  But at least I can say that I have a degree, for what little that’s worth.

    18:00 – “No one has ever asked me for proof of a degree.”

    Yeah.  Exactly.  It’s a total waste of time.

    21:15 – This guy refers to Justin Silverman as “Crusty Justy.”

    Who is the audience for this?  The faggots from TheCinemassacreTruth on Reddit?  Nobody else would know what this means.  Nobody would know who he’s talking about.  

    This is fucking terrible.  This is the world’s worst interview.  Has this guy written ANYTHING down?  We’re over twenty minutes in and he hasn’t asked a SINGLE cool question.  Nothing even approaching cool.  It’s just weird, meandering, bullshit off the top of his head and then Tony just says whatever because he can’t make sense of this shit either.  This is trash.

    21:45 – This guy is non-ironically saying that he’s a big fan of Tony from Hack the Movies.  He’s talking about how much Rental Reviews changed his life.  What the fuck is this?  Not even Tony is buying this.

    I’m 30 minutes in now.  Not a single cool question.  Not even a comprehensible question.

    30:00 – Tony reveals that in the Leaving Las Vegas episode of The Angry Video Game Nerd, they filmed themselves separately, in front of a green screen, even though James was there, with Tony, while Tony was filming his part in the film.

    What the fuck?  Why didn’t they just film together then?  What is Rainman’s fucking problem?  

    They’re in the same fucking room, Jimmy already filmed his part for whatever bizarre reason, and then he just watches while Tony films his part?  It makes no fucking sense.  But Jimmy is so petrified of covid that he has to maintain six feet from everybody at all times.

    35:00 – Shout out to Newt Wallen, but not by name.  He’s talking about the origins of Hack the Movies in 2010.  “I had a friend who worked in a movie theatre.  He would let us see movies early.”

    43:30 – Tony is talking about wanting to have Mike Matei back on the show.  Then he says, “I want to have Erin back on the show too.  She was pretty good.”

    You can read all about that disaster here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/07/josie-and-pussycats-is-great-satire.html

    43:45 – This moronic interviewer says, “I love Crystal on the show.”  He notes her “great sense of humour” as the reason he likes her.

    Uh huh.

    Anyway, I’m done.  I made it to 45 minutes.  This man couldn’t think of a cool question to save his life.

    Here’s some stuff that I would ask Tony.  Just off the top of my head.  If I was doing this for real, I’d take time to think of good questions.

    1.  Tell me about growing up in rural Pennsylvania.

    2.  Did you ever consider leaving rural Pennsylvania?  Seeing what the rest of the world has to offer?

    3.  Was Terri Schiavo a frequent topic of discussion when you attended Bucks County Community College?

    4.  Is Youtube what you were hoping to do when you were in college?

    5.  Why do you think there was such a negative reaction to your appearance in the Cinemassacre videos?  Do you think that this is the general consensus or just limited to Reddit?  How much of a role do you think your weight played in the negative reaction?

    6.  Newt Wallen says that he wasn’t paid for appearing on Hack The Movies.  Is this true?  Do the co-hosts of the show get paid?  Is it a fair amount?

    7.  Why do you continue to put Crystal Quin on the show, knowing that she’s horrible and only talks about hot chicks who she wants to have sex with?  

    8.  Do you feel at all bad about taking money from people who you know are mentally challenged?  

    9.  What happened with Newt Wallen anyway?  You’ve known him for like 20 years and then you completely disassociate with him over plagiarising shitty movie reviews?  Is there more to this story that isn’t being disclosed?

    10.  What does the future hold for Tony from Hack the Movies?  Do you think that you might just get a job one day like a normal person and give up on this Youtube nonsense?  Or are you going to be 60 years old and still conning the mentally challenged out of pennies by having a geriatric Horseface McGee on the show?