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Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Fall Guys! (part 3 of 4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7OehZH8FH4
Parts 1 and 2:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/09/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-fall.html
1:06:45 – Erin failed to get past the first round…BECAUSE SHE SUCKS ASS AT VIDEO GAMES, YO!
1:07:45 – Mike is talking about how he played No Man’s Sky on stream, for money. Erin is pretending to know what the game is. She has NO IDEA what he’s talking about. But she’s pretending. This is what she does.
1:09:30 – Mike left to get Elmo or something.
1:10:00 – Erin got lost on this level. I don’t even know how it’s possible. She was on a platform…and she got lost on a platform. Unbelievable.
1:13:00 – A horntard talks about some Arachnaphobia game for the Amiga or something. You play as John Goodman. Erin says, “I want to play that.” Then she says, “You play as John Goodman? Was he in that?”
She doesn’t know ANYTHING about ANYTHING. So this is what she does. She just pretends. She pretends to be interested in this shit, she pretends to follow the conversation. But in reality, she doesn’t have a fucking clue what anybody is talking about. It’s like she’s Charlie Brown and everyone else are adults. It’s just trombone noises to her. She has NO IDEA what anybody is talking about. Ever.
1:15:00 – Now a horntard is talking about Joe’s Apartment. Erin says, “I’ve never seen Joe’s Apartment but I do want to watch it. Was it MTV’s first film? I don’t know.”
Great stuff, Erin. Another thing that Erin didn’t do but she wants to do. What’s holding her back? She has all of these hopes and dreams of games she wants to play and movies she wants to watch and toys she wants to buy but…nothing ever happens with that. Unless it’s on stream, for money.
1:15:30 – It’s Mike’s turn and Erin leaves. Maybe she’s going to get the Elmo puppet. Or cry in the bathtub.
1:22:15 – Erin is back. She was off taking a dump, I guess.
1:25:00 – Erin claims to have loved Goldeneye for the N64 as a kid. Uh huh. This is the first I’m hearing of this. But no. She was a big Goldeneye fan.
Okay. So do a stream, Erin. Show us your pro skills.
1:26:00 – “N64 hacks. That’s like unexplored territory for me.”
You don’t say, Erin. What the fuck. Well, at least for once she’s admitting that she doesn’t know something about a segment of video games.
1:27:00 – Now it’s Erin’s turn.
1:27:15 – “Did I check out the Splatoon demo? I don’t totally love Splatoon. I know that’s, like, an unpopular thing. I don’t know. I never could get into it.”
Well, it is a video game. I can see the problem for you.
1:29:15 – Erin got first place in this map. There were only like 40 people there and earlier somebody said that matchmaking is done based on skill level. So Erin must be in the “retard” skill level.
1:32:30 – Mike says that he “doesn’t buy a tonne of games any more.” Erin says, “Yeah, I’m the same.”
At what point was Erin buying games by tonnage? She doesn’t buy fucking video games.
Then she says that she wants a complete Castlevania collection. Every Castlevania game. And they recently bought a Castlevania game while they were in California visiting her parents.
Why? Why any of this? Why is she wasting Mike’s money on this shit? She has NO INTEREST in any of this shit.
Then she wants all of the Sanrio games. Fuck off.
1:35:15 – It’s Mike’s turn. Let’s stop here.
Final part:
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Fall Guys! (part 2 of 4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7OehZH8FH4
Part 1 here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/09/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-fall.html
30:00 – “This is pissing me off so much! But it’s fun.”
She has no interest in this whatsoever.
31:00 – Mike is going through all the shit you can unlock. There are 100 levels. You probably have to play the game for thousands of hours to unlock all of this shit. But Mike suggests that they can do it. Erin agrees.
Yeah. It’s not happening, Mike. She does not play video games unless it’s on stream, for money.
38:45 – Erin says, “I remember the Valheim streams. Those were comfy — when you were streaming Valheim.”
Mike just ignores this complete idiocy.
41:15 – Somebody in the chat asks Erin what people buy at Woolworth’s. I guess that this is a reference to her recent mindless tweet where she said that she doesn’t even remember going to Woolworth’s but “it was fun”.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/08/erin-getting-nostalgic-about-woolworths.html
So Mike, knowing that Erin has no idea, says, “Yeah, what do they buy at Woolworth’s?” He’s setting her up for failure.
Erin’s answer is that she was very young when it closed but she remembers “candle blow molds.” I don’t even want to know what that is.
Then Mike re-tells his riveting story about how he used to sit on stools while in Woolworth. Erin thinks that this is awesome and wishes that she could have done something like that. She’s never done ANYTHING so these are the non-stories that you get from her.
42:00 – Somebody says that Woolworth’s is still open in Australia. Erin’s response: “That’s cool”.
Anyway, now it’s Erin’s turn. Let’s see if she can get past the first level.
It’s the same level that she had the first two times she played this today with all of the spinning blades. So she should be pretty familiar with it now.
She’s constantly jumping. Right. That helps.
43:45 – Mike is talking about something called “Hess NES games” that were released in Australia. And then he’s trying to remember what they were called in Asia and Erin says, “I forget.”
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE’S TALKING ABOUT! This is extremely obscure bullshit that NOBODY cares about. But Erin is pretending that she knows what he’s talking about. But she just “forgot” what these things were called in Asia. Whatever they even are. Erin “always” “forgets” what these things are, whatever they are.
“In Spain, they were Gluck”.
No fucking idea what he’s talking about. But Erin occasionally chimes in with, “I don’t remember either.”
Well, no shit. What on earth is he fucking talking about? But Erin is pretending that she’s following along.
44:30 – Erin got fifth place because early in the map, she got flung across like half of the map. So by sheer luck, she got a huge lead on everyone early on. She thinks that this is skill. No. She fucked up and by happenstance, it was advantageous.
44:45 – Mike says “Sachin” and Erin just looks at him blankly for a while. Then he starts to explain that this is what these games, or whatever they are, were called in Asia. So Erin pretends to know what he’s talking about at this point. Oh, yeah. Sachin. Of course. And Gluck. And Hess. I know what you mean Mike. Video games.
She actually says, “Okay, that sounds right.”
WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK IS MIKE TALKING ABOUT? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.
But Erin does. Erin is following all of this.
I’d like to see Mike just totally make something up and watch Erin pretend to know what he’s talking about. Is that what he’s doing now? I don’t even know.
45:15 – A horntard says that Fall Guys is a smooth running game. So Mike says, “Yeah, it’s Epic Games.” Erin says, “Yeah, we’re not playing on Switch or anything.”
What? Isn’t the game available on Switch?
Yes. It is. And the publisher is Epic Games. That’s what he was talking about. The publisher. He’s saying that Epic is a good company who releases stable games that run smoothly.
But Erin thinks that this was a comment on…the Epic Game store? She thinks that the Epic Game store is like…god, this is so retarded that I can’t even put it into words. But like…if you play a game on Steam, it’s going to play differently than if you play it on the Epic Game store. Or something. No. God, she’s a fucking moron. Let’s move on.
45:30 – A horntard asks Erin what her favourite Famicom-exclusive game is. She doesn’t know. OF COURSE. Maybe the chat can prompt her.
“I like the Famicom version of Dracula’s Curse.”
Oh my fucking god. I don’t even want to get into it. Let’s just move on. She doesn’t know anything about video games. Everything has to be a reference to something that she did on stream, for money.
46:30 – “I like the one with the penguins.”
Just stop racking your brain over this bullshit. All she’s doing is digging herself deeper into this hole of idiocy.
Erin is REALLY bad at this game. There are two spinning blades. You have to jump over the bottom one and avoid the top one. And she’s just running around chasing the top blade. For no reason. Nobody else is doing this.
Then Erin mentions some more games that she played once, on stream, for money. Sexy Parodius, for example.
Somehow, Erin got past this level.
48:15 – Now a horntard is asking Erin about her thoughts about Batman Forever: The Arcade Game.
SHE DOESN’T HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON IT, YOU RETARD. SHE DOESN’T KNOW THE GAME. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU ASKING THESE QUESTIONS?
And why does Erin read them? Why does she set herself up for failure?
“I don’t know if I’ve played that one.”
You don’t say. Fuck off.
49:15 – She got through this round too. Then she says, “Yeah! I survived.”
The word “survived” appeared on screen so that’s why she said “survived”. This is a common coping strategy with Erin. If she sees a word in a video game or on a Star Trek t-shirt or whatever, she’ll read it to try to fool people into thinking that she knows what she’s talking about.
Then a horntard gives her the name of that penguin game. It’s a Japanese game that nobody on earth would ever remember. But Erin says that she “always” “forgets” the name. Well, no shit. She could be forgiven for “forgetting” the name of this game. It’s entirely in Japanese. But she’s “always” “forgetting” this name. Because that Japanese penguin game is just always coming up in conversation with Erin, I guess.
51:15 – So Erin lost but she got to the last round. She was terrible at it, as usual. And never saw the level before.
52:30 – Now it’s Mike’s turn again.
They’re talking about Doom skins in the game. Mike doesn’t know if you have pay real money for them or what. He says that you should be able to unlock them from playing the game a lot.
Ummm. No? That’s not how these games work. This is typical with these free games. They want you to spend money on them.
But of course Erin agrees. Because she has no fucking clue.
Then Erin says that she wants one of these Doom skins. WHY? She doesn’t play the fucking game. So now Mike is going to have to shell out real money for a Doom skin for a game that Erin doesn’t even play. What’s the fucking point? Just so she can say, “That’s cute” and then never play the game? It’s idiotic.
53:15 – She’s reading from the chat. “The real name of (some game) is (some other name). Oh, okay. That’s cool.”
She has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. Neither do I. So she just trots out her usual, “That’s cool”.
Then Mike starts talking about the game and Erin pretends to know what the game is. She clearly does not.
56:15 – A horntard says, “Sea of Thieves has the best water.” Erin says, “You mean taste? Because I hear people say that Starbucks has the best water. Oh, you mean like in the game. What it looks like. Oh.”
Holy shit. An actual joke with a setup and punchline and everything. Watch out, Jim Gaffigan.
You know, I was watching a recent Jim Gaffigan comedy “special”. It was from Netflix or something. I think that it was released in 2021. I’ve enjoyed his bacon-based comedy over the years so I thought I’d check it out.
No, this was bad. It was about covid and the importance of wearing masks and his contempt for Donald Trump and shit like this. We don’t fucking care. Can you get to bacon, please? Do you prefer smoked bacon or unsmoked bacon?
The bacon they have in the US is such fucking shit. Let me look for some pictures.
Here’s a picture that I’ve Newt Wallen’d from the internet. Obviously, the person who made this has a bias but ignore the labels. The pictures are accurate.
What would you rather eat? These charred strips of mystery meat or an actual meat product?
And if you do want these thin strips that you burn to a crisp, you can buy them in the UK. They’re sold as “streaky bacon”. Nobody buys it but the option is there for tourists or the mentally ill or whoever wants this shit.
But if you want actual bacon in the US, you’re out of luck. These burnt strips are all you can get.
It’s a different cut. It’s a different part of the pig. I don’t know the specifics. I’m not a butcher. But the British bacon has like the top 2/3 of the bacon (the fat part) from one part of the pig and the last 1/3 of the bacon is from another part. Obviously, an adjacent part. And that last 1/3 is a thin strip like what’s sold in the US.
In the US, it’s only this thin strip that they sell. Not the fat 2/3 of the bacon that one gets in the UK.
I believe that Canadian bacon only uses this fat part of the pig. That’s why it’s just round. But with the British bacon, you get the best of both worlds.
Anyway, back to Erin Plays.
57:15 – Mike got first place again. He’s really in the zone. He’s pwning these 10 year olds.
Erin is still talking about Starbucks, by the way. Different beverages that she likes. I don’t give a fuck.
59:45 – Erin is reading from the chat. “Is it true that coffee in American isn’t good? That’s what I’ve been told.”
No, you faggot. You’re thinking of bacon.
And how would Erin know? She’s never left the country. She never even left California before she moved in with Mike. And she goes back to California twice a month to visit her parents She’s like 35 year old
“I mean, I can’t compare it to anything else because I’ve only been in America”
See?
Then Mike starts talking about pizza in Italy It’s different from pizza in the US. Great.
1:01:45 – They’re talking about how Domino’s didn’t do well in Italy. Mike says that he thinks that people in Italy don’t like pizzeria chains. Then Erin says, “Even in America, different regions are different.”
Now, I wouldn’t mention this but then Erin gets really self-conscious about this and starts making what I assume are veiled references to the blog.
1:03:00 – “Sometimes I say things stupidly. It’s a live-stream. If I was typing things out, it would be better.”
Oh. Like her riveting story about Woolworth’s.
Then Mike uses a “dur dur idiot” voice and says, “I will be using this against you for the rest of your life. I also have absolutely nothing going on.”
Erin says, “There’s somebody watching and they’re going to be adding that to my ‘I hate Erin’ folder.”
Mike replies, “This will be going in the archives.”
It has to be a reference to me because I say “Let me check the archives” when I look stuff up on my blog. It’s obviously said in a jokey fashion but they’re not picking up on the nuance.
But yeah, Erin always seems to get worked up over things that…are completely trivial. Like this “different regions are different” thing. I didn’t even see anything wrong with that remark.
But the MASSIVE things that she gets wrong…she doesn’t see the problem.
1:04:15 – Mike got second place. That’s the end. It’s Erin’s turn. We can start there next time.
Next parts:
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Fall Guys! (part 1 of 4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7OehZH8FH4
Erin must be back from her twice-monthly trip to visit her parents.
It starts with, “And we’re going to be playing some Fall Guys”. So she edited stuff out right from the start. Let’s see what she’s hiding.
Erin: I’m not used to clicking around Windows and streaming with Steam games or whatever. This is from the Microsoft store. I don’t know. I’m not used to it. Anyway, hello. Good to be here. I’m here with Mike.
Mike: Epic Games.
Erin: Epic Game store. Sorry.
She’s a big gamer, guys. Playing it up on the Microsoft store.
Is there even such a thing as the Microsoft store? For PC games? Let me check.
I don’t think so. There’s a Microsoft Store but it seems to be mostly for apps for your phone.
There’s also this:
https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/store/games/windows
It seems to be PC games. I’ve never heard of this, though. I know about Steam, of course. And I know about the Epic Games store. But Microsoft store? No. Maybe I’m just not the gamer that Erin is. Of course, she got the name wrong but…moving on.
Oh, so that’s what she edited out. Her not knowing what this is. So we’re back to the Youtube video.
0:00 – “I’m going to talk to the chat and we’re going to go off and on. I’ll play a little, he’ll play a little, et cetera.”
Can’t they play together? Maybe they can’t use the same computer. This would be a good game to play with the horntards, though. Mike can play too, just in a different room, on a different computer. But surely you can set up a private room, invite the horntards, and you can all play together. How many players are in this game? 30? 60? Make it subscriber only if you want to play. Or just straight up have a fee of five dollars or whatever if you want to play. It’s an easy money maker. Why is nobody doing this? Maybe they are. The only people I watch on Twitch are Mike and Erin. And I only watch their videos on Youtube.
Then she edited something out again. Let’s see what it is.
She says that she was “out of town”. Well, it’s true. Technically, she was out of town. But why can’t she just say, “I was visiting my parents”? Why can she never just be honest with people?
It was just two minutes of Erin being awkward as fuck. Who cares? She’s awkward as fuck all the time. What about this two minutes was so egregious that she had to edit it out?
Back to the video. “We haven’t played this in a long time but last time we played this, I had a lot of fun.”
So why has it been so long, Erin? Everything doesn’t have to be on stream, for money. All you have to do is say, “Hey, Mike. Want to play some Fall Guys with me?” He’d be happy to. What’s the problem?
She’s not remotely interested in video games.
0:15 – Some horntard makes a half-joke about Compuserve.
Mike: I used to use Compuserve.
Erin: You did?
Mike: Yeah.
Erin: That’s great.
Negative charisma. She can’t have a conversation with ANYBODY. It’s not just the horntards. Mike is sitting right there and she can’t have a conversation with him. “That’s great.” It’s just a variation of her “That’s cool” catchphrase.
What the hell are they talking about all day? Britney Spears and buttsex, I guess.
3:45 – “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this one or at least I don’t remember it.”
She’s talking about a minigame. Even I’ve seen it and I’ve never played the game. I just used to watch some fucking mentally challenged guy play the game on Youtube. Maybe Erin “forgot” about this minigame. Erin “always” “forgets” about this minigame.
The screenname is PumpkinN00dles. Maybe somebody can do something with this information. Try to add them on the Microsoft store or something. Erin also used the name “Cykill1986” on some console’s online gaming service. Then when you checked the profile, it was private. Why so secretive? Let the horntards add you. What’s the problem?
Erin says that they streamed this before. Really? I don’t remember. And there’s nothing in my archives. She must not have uploaded the video to Youtube. But yeah, earlier when she said that she played the game, that’s what she was talking about. She played it on stream, for money. Once. But it was fun.
5:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. Somebody says that he recently got some issues of Nintendo Power. You know what Erin said? No prizes for this.
“That’s cool.”
Somebody recommends a “Mike and Erin Chivalry 2 stream”. Erin pauses and says, “That would be chaotic.”
She clearly doesn’t even know what the fucking game is. So she just panicked and thought of a variant of “that’s cool”. She doesn’t want to do it, because it’s a video game, so it had to be a negative variant.
Then Mike starts explaining why he doesn’t like the game and Ern just says “yeah” a lot and “That would be stressful.” She has NO IDEA what he’s talking about. She doesn’t know what the game is. It’s obvious.
Oh, by the way, Mike lost but he’s still playing. It’s Erin’s turn. What’s going on here? Is she going to fucking play this shit?
7:00 – “I love how colourful this game is.”
Brutal.
8:30 – “So you have to, like, watch somebody else until the people qualify?”
YES, YOU FUCKING MORON. She said that she played this before. How could she POSSIBLY not know this? Even if she played it once, on stream, for money, that’s enough to know this.
I guess that this is another thing that Erin “forgot”. Erin “always” “forgets” that you have to wait for enough people to finish the game before you can move on.
How else can you even play? You’re just going to continue to the next game while other people are still playing the previous game? How is that going to work?
So Mike says, “Well, they have to qualify because it’s an online multiplayer game.” Then Erin gets annoyed and says, “Well, I understand that, Mike” and stares at him.
If you don’t want to be spoken down to, don’t ask a fucking retarded question.
It’s inconceivable how somebody can be this clueless about video games. And this is her fucking “job”. Her “job” is to play video games. She has NO IDEA what’s going on. She doesn’t fucking play video games. Never has, never will. Fifty bucks a month from Youtube.
9:00 – Erin asks Mike if he remembers AOL keywords. He says that he doesn’t but he’s clearly joking. Erin doesn’t realise that he’s joking so she tries to explain it to him but she doesn’t know what it is.
9:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. “You thought this was LiveJournal? I spent most of my teenage years on LiveJournal.”
That must have been some fascinating reading. “I’ve done nothing today. I’m going to do nothing tomorrow. Pink is a cute color.”
Then she says that she didn’t even write anything. “I mostly used it for communities for bands that I liked.” Well, that makes sense. She’s never fucking done anything so what is she going to write about? She’s also never thought about anything.
“You could make icons and then you could make your layout all cute. It was so much fun.”
Brutal. How does Mike fucking do it? YEARS with this shit. And for what? She’s a total parasite. She’s bringing in fifty bucks a month. And Mike isn’t getting any of that money, it’s all hers.
14:30 – She’s reading from the chat. “Do you or Mike have one game that you’re not interested in playing.”
Then she looks to Mike for an answer because, of course, she doesn’t know. ALL OF THEM, Erin. You’re not interested in playing ANY game.
Then Erin says Animal Crossing. She played it and didn’t like it. Great.
16:00 – “Yoshi says, ‘I think the very first thing I did when I got internet access was go look at Ultimate…Mortal Kombat III site for a moves list.’”
You know what Erin’s response was? “That’s awesome.”
“The first thing I ever did was I looked up a Spice Girls official website.”
That’s awesome. And boring as fuck.
“And like Sailor Moon stuff.”
See above.
It’s the same tedious bullshit with Erin over and over and over again.
Anyway, Mike died so I think Erin is going to start playing now. Let’s see how many seconds she can last. She’s not getting past the first round.
16:30 – Mike is explaining the game and during the explanation, Erin says, “Look at the tomato man.” Mike ignores this.
She has no interest whatsoever in any of this. How can he possibly put up with this? She’s fucking braindead.
Oh my god. This is so fucking bad. She keeps jumping for reasons that only she knows. Constantly jumping.
17:30 – They’re talking about Sonic the Hedgehog. Erin says, “I remember in the first grade, there was a girl who had Sonic the Hedgehog shoes and they were pretty cute.”
I just don’t get it. Has it been as long as five years that they’ve been together? What’s the appeal? Okay, buttsex, great. LOTS of women will let you put your thing in their butt. Erin isn’t special in this regard.
You know who else likes buttsex? Gay men. If you’re that into buttsex, as Mike clearly is, just find a gay man. Fucking Tony from Hack the Movies is single. Ask him. He’d be a much more interesting conversationalist too. Plus, he has a job.
17:45 – She managed to get through the next round. Maybe it was all the jumping that gave her the edge. Nobody else was jumping but Erin was. Constantly.
18:00 – “I like Pokemon. Like I’m a casual Pokemon fan.”
REALLY casual. At best. In the sense that she knows of Pokemon. She’s aware of the existence of Pokemon. So this makes her a fan.
18:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. “You were in the Smashing Pumpkins Yahoo chat room?”
You want to know Erin’s response? You’ll never guess in a million years.
“That’s awesome.”
Is it, though? Who gives a shit what chat rooms this guy went to in 1997? There’s nothing REMOTELY awesome about that non-story.
19:00 – So this is the second round. Can Erin do it? Let’s find out. She surprised me on the first one.
She’s constantly jumping again. Well, maybe that’s the key. Maybe Erin has uncovered a pro strat.
19:30 – “How do I grab? I forget how to grab. Oh, it just happens.”
She’s a real gamer.
20:00 – “Okay, now I’m stressed. I wasn’t stressed but now I’m a little stressed.”
She has no idea what to do. She’s never seen this level before.
Erin is terrible at the game and Mike just laughs at how bad she’s doing. Then she fails to qualify.
22:00 – Mike asks if she wants to go again or if it’s his turn. Erin says that she wants to go again. That’s surprising.
23:15 – “That’s cool, Dan.”
We don’t know what’s cool. It could be anything. She didn’t read his comment out.
Mike asks Erin what he likes. After thinking about it for a while, she says, “Donald Duck”. Then Mike makes a sad half-joke about how that’s the end of the list.
That’s all that she could think of. Donald Duck. She’s been with this guy for like five years. What have they been doing all this time? Donald Duck? That’s as much as she knows about him?
So she continues her list. “You like Zelda”. “You like it when I make you your coffee.”
This is unbelievable. What the fuck are they doing?
Does she not cook? Does she not do anything? They’re clearly not talking. She’s just mentioning things that any fucking horntard could have given.
Now she’s reading from the chat. She ran out of ideas so the chat has to prompt her. “Three’s Company” was what the horntards suggested.
Mike isn’t so sure that he likes Three’s Company so he makes an “ehh” sound.
Erin: You like Three’s Company.
Mike: I don’t like the later episodes, though.
Erin: I like a lot of things.
This isn’t about you, you dumb bitch. We’re talking about Mike. Can you fucking believe how outrageous this is?
She came up with NOTHING for Mike’s interests. Nothing. Donald Duck, Zelda, and when she makes him coffee. Then the horntards suggest Three’s Company. Then Erin says, “I like a lot of things.”
What the fuck. And she doesn’t even like a lot of things. MAYBE Disney and Britney Spears on some superficial level. Other than that, NOTHING. Colours? Cute things? She’s never done anything. She has no fucking interests.
But let’s get back to Mike because that’s the fucking topic here, even though Erin obviously wants to change it to herself. Star Trek. Did you think of that one, Erin? “Schmups”. That’s another good one. Buttsex. Racist comics. Inspector Gadget. Elvis. Halloween decorations. The Nintendo Entertainment System. Monkeyball. Air travel. Romania. Wawa. New Jersey. Don Bluth. Cartoons that were cancelled by the time he was four years old.
I can go on and on and I don’t even live with the guy. I’m giving the most superficial answers that anybody can possibly give.
Erin is in a fucking relationship with Mike. FOR YEARS. She lives with him. How can she not know anything?
But no. Fuck Mike. Erin wants to talk about herself. She likes a lot of things. She just steered the conversation this way because she totally ran out of stuff to say about Mike. So okay, let’s hear it. What does Erin like? I’ll say Sailor Moon, Buffy, Britney Spears, Hello Kitty, and Disney. The same fucking tedious shit that she talks about all the time in a pathetic attempt to try to portray herself as somebody who has interests and hobbies.
Mike: You like a lot more things than I do.
Erin: Yes.
Great conversation. What chemistry these two have.
Then a horntard suggests that Mike likes Alf.
Erin: Do you like Alf?
Mike: Yeah.
Erin: Yeah, you like Alf.
She didn’t even know this. She was totally unaware of Mike’s lifelong passion for Alf. It was a fucking horntard who had to tell her. And she doesn’t even know who Alf is. The show was cancelled by the time she was three years old.
25:00 – Mike says, “Sometimes people try to buy me Elvis things and it’s a mistake because I’m so particular about it. Not Erin, but like other people try to buy me Elvis things.”
Of course Erin isn’t getting you any Elvis shit. With what money? She’s making fifty bucks a month with this shit. Plus, she doesn’t give a single fuck about you. This is all for fucking Youtube promotion. You know it, Erin knows it, I know it, we all know it.
So as Mike is talking about Elvis merchandise, Erin is just complaining about how bad she’s doing at the game. She’s AWFUL. And this is the same fucking map that she played earlier and she was able to get through it. So she learned nothing from that experience.
She doesn’t even attempt to do this with any kind of skill. There are spinning blades, for example. You obviously have to time when you should go through the entrance. Obviously, you want to go when the blade isn’t there.
She doesn’t do this. She just goes whenever. As soon as possible. Even when it’s obvious as fuck that she’s going to get hit by the blade.
Then Mike explains this to her. “You have to wait.” She didn’t know this. She needed to be told this. She thinks that you’re supposed to just blindly jump right into the blades over and over and over again until you magically get through it.
Then, with that pro tip from Mike, she managed to get through the level. And she said, “Yay! I qualified!” and raised her hand and smiled broadly as though she gives a fuck about any of this.
28:15 – Erin says, “I’ve only seen one episode of The Beavis and Butthead Show but I liked it so I’ll watch the rest of it.”
Let’s just move on.
28:30 – “Look at this situation. I like the green and pink together. They look very nice.”
It’s just so terrible. You feel so bad for Mike when you watch this shit. Why does he do this? How much can he possibly hate himself to endure this?
And Erin has obviously never seen this level before. But she played this before. And she thought that it was fun.
Never bothered to play it again. That one time, on stream, for money, was enough for her.
30:00 – Erin failed to qualify. You know what might have helped? Having some experience with the game.
Now it’s Mike’s turn. We can stop here. There’s another…oh fuck. Two and a half hours of this shit.
Next parts:
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Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey (Trailer Reaction) – Newt Wallen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgTn0oE9fbQ
Four minutes. Let’s see what you’ve got, Ideas Man.
0:30 – “Winnie the Pooh has fallen into the public domain so you can do what you want with it.”
This is what this whole thing is about. Somebody made a shitty tits and gore movie based on Winnie the Pooh because Winnie the Pooh is in the public domain now. Newt really likes this. Newt loves ripping off existing ideas because he has none of his own.
0:45 – “It’s really cool that people are taking these properties when they fall into the public domain and doing something different with them.”
What about NEW ideas, Newt? Have you considered that?
1:15 – Newt starts talking about his plagiarised fake movie trailer called Paperboy 3: The Hard Way. NEW IDEAS, Newt. Try it out.
1:30 – Newt mentions another stupid, plagiarised idea of his: The Girl with the Purple Dragon Tattoo. It was ripping off the children’s show Barney and Friends as well as the obvious movie ripoff.
It’s fucking pathetic.
2:30 – “There’s a lot of shit you can do with this stuff. Just taking the bones of an idea and twisting it into something new.”
No, Newt. This is not new no matter how many times you say it. This is just ripping off existing ideas. That’s not remotely creative. It takes no talent to do that.
Then he admits that his Paperboy and Barney ideas aren’t in the public domain but…whatever. He doesn’t give a shit.
2:45 – “I can’t wait to check it out. The trailer looked — you know, there’s girls in it, there’s gore in it.”
Tits and gore. We get it, Newt. Do you have a single fucking original idea? It’s the same shit every god damn video. “I want to make a plagiarised tits and gore video.” WE KNOW!
3:00 – “People always go like, ‘Don’t you want to make anything good? Why are you wasting your time with pun titles and shit like that?’ Look at the attention that this got online.”
None. I never heard ANYTHING about this piece of shit.
Newt talks about how inspired he was by Kevin Smith.
See, here’s what Kevin Smith did. He wrote an ORIGINAL script and then made a movie on a limited budget. He put TIME into writing something GOOD. He didn’t just shit something out in two days. He carefully crafted the characters and the dialogue because he was interested in making a good movie.
And it worked. A lot of people enjoyed Clerks. It made Kevin Smith very wealthy. Probably. In any event, he’s well-known and he made at least one film that most everybody agrees was good or at least original.
Why doesn’t Newt go down this route? Because he can’t fucking write. He doesn’t have any ideas.
This formula of people making good movies on a low budget has been done time and time again. Greetings. Easy Rider. Mean Streets. Eraserhead. Blair Witch Project. Slacker. Welcome to the Dollhouse. Reservoir Dogs. Little Miss Sunshine. The Wrestler.
If Newt was attempting to make something good, I’d say go for it. Well…given when I know about his total lack of talent, actually, I probably wouldn’t.
But this plagiarised tits and gore shit has absolutely no merit and no prospect of success. So why bother? He’s wasting all of his time and money on this shit. He’s wasting his life on this stupid shit.
3:30 – “I really hope that as more shit falls into the public domain, more people find a way to mix it into something new and cool.”
It’s not new and it’s not cool. It’s untalented hacks making shit that nobody watches.
“I’m just mad that I didn’t think of it first.”
He’s mad that he didn’t think to steal this idea first.
Comments.
– “Yes, I agree with you said at the end. Basically is what Picasso said “creativity has you find you working”, you can’t sit and do nothing and wait for the right idea, you have to work work work…. Some of it, maybe, wouldn’t be as good as intended, but one need to do the heavy lifting, play with ideas, titles, concepts, etc”
Oh sure. Was Picasso ripping off other people’s ideas? I don’t know. I’m not an art historian. But I’m guessing no.
What a fucking ridiculous comment. Newt is no Pablo Picasso. And he’s not working and working and working. He’s plagiarising and plagiarising and plagiarising. That’s not creative. AT ALL.
– “I had an idea for a slasher story that involved all of the characters from television that just disappeared i.e; Chuck Cunningham from Happy Days, Judy Winslow from Family Matters, etc. Of course that would be logistically impossible considering how much money it would cost to license those characters.”
Plus, these people are all way too old for their roles. Or are you going to recast the characters? Nobody would fucking know who anybody is. This is a completely idiotic idea.
– “People who talk shit about you not making “good stuff” totally miss the fact that you LIKE and ENJOY the types of movies you make. Those are the movies I enjoy and a LOT of other people feel the same way.”
Newt replies, “I like B movies. I like fun trash. I mean i LOVE great films. And art but I cant write that kinda stuff. I can write an pull off schlock”
Well, it’s refreshing that he at least admits that he can’t write. So he’s just trying to make these shitty movies that nobody watches. It’s a borderline scam. And it’s a scam that’s not going to fucking work.
– “hack the movies is damn near unwatchable without you, by the way. just throwing that shit out there”
Newt replies, “I dont know. I saw a tweet saying its only gotten better without me”
I think that it was Tony who wrote that. But it’s pretty much true that the show is unwatchable now. They’re fucking awful without Newt. When Newt was there with Horseface, they were unwatchable but when he was there with just Tony, it was fine. Not good but fine.
Too bad you’re a giant, unabashed plagiarist, Newt.
-
Crystal Quin Starts a Fansly
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1564736455083171843?s=20
Well, I finally gave in and I can have some fun with this. Therapy is expensive.
First subscriber: Newt Wallen. Second subscriber: Kris Glavin.
Other than those two degenerates, who the fuck wanted this? It’s revolting.
The description is:
Posting fun photos and having fun! I also love talking to all subscribers who message me! Subscribers also get some of my favorite photos!
So what does this mean? Nude or not? It’s intentionally vague to fool the mentally challenged into paying for this shit.
Why are these Hack the Movies people joining Fansly instead of OnlyFans anyway? Presumably, Fansly takes less of a cut.
So anyway, Horseface says, “Cheers to stufflikeheartsand titsmintsalad being my inspiration”
Like doing bad porn is inspirational.
Then there’s discussion of doing a “collab” with Johanna and Johanna replies…suggesting that she’d like it…eww. Come on. WHO’S THE AUDIENCE FOR THIS VILE SHIT?
It’s not that I don’t like naked ladies. I do. But not fucking fat chicks and horse-faced women. It’s gross.
And those disgusting pictures of Mint Salad bending over or with her legs spread or…god. They are so fucking nasty. It’s a fucking chubby autistic woman…I don’t even want to think about it.
But anyway, Mint Salad also says that she wants to “collab” with Horseface.
https://twitter.com/titsmintsalad/status/1564823753586053122
It’s just nauseating. The only person to reply to that tweet is fucking Kris Glavin. He’s looking forward to it, of course.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565194835862192128
Then Horseface went on a streak of posting pictures on Twitter. Kris Glavin replies, of course.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565369151765577731
Here’s another one. “Happy PSL Day”, whatever that is. She’s wearing bondage gear in public. Kris Glavin replies, of course. Twice.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565126224657219584
She also re-tweeted this. It’s a guy who has “Proud Crystal Quin Simp” in his profile. Horseface is encouraging this.
Kris Glavin replies, of course.
Anyway, you go to the CartoonGuy’s Twitter. There’s a picture of, I think a white guy as his profile picture. And his description says that he’s 29 and “Black Lives Matter” and “Trans Lives Matter.”
So you think maybe it’s this white guy in the avatar.
No. You go to his Linktree.
https://linktr.ee/47cartoonguy
It has his Instagram there.
https://www.instagram.com/47cartoonguy/
Now the avatar is of a black cartoon character.
You look at the pictures and after scrolling past some cartoons, you start seeing pictures of a fat black guy. A REALLY fat black guy. Like 400 pounds. This is the guy. This is the guy who Horseface is encouraging to give her money. These are the people giving Horseface money. Extremely unfortunate men. The bottom 0.1% of the dating market.
And this guy has an Amazon Wishlist like he’s some fucking cam girl.
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3A7GHUSAG3UHG?ref_=wl_share
Who’s going to buy fucking cartoon books for a 400 black guy? Not to be racist about this. But who’s going to buy cartoon books for a 400 pound guy of any race?
It’s just sad. These guys are completely pathetic. And these are the guys giving money to these fucking bottom-feeding grifters. A lot of them are clearly mentally ill and/or mentally challenged. A lot of them have physical disabilities. And virtually all of them…how to put this delicately…they’re gargoyles. I’m not saying that I’m Brad Pitt but these guys…these are guys who absolutely can not get dates.
For a lot of guys, if you’re looking for a date, I’d recommend going on Tinder, dropping your standards to zero, and swiping right on everyone. You’ll find somebody. She might be 300 pounds. She might have children. But you’ll find somebody.
But for guys like Kris Glavin or this 400 pound cartoon guy…I don’t think that even this would work. It’s harsh to say but that’s the unfortunate reality. And it’s not just their appearance, it’s also their mental health problems and/or mental disabilities. And these fucking nerd hobbies that they’re obsessed with.
I mean, a guy who’s obsessed with cartoons? You’re going to have a hard time finding a date no matter what you look like if you’re obsessed with cartoons. Or video games. Or Star Trek. Or any of this shit. You can like this stuff. I don’t give a fuck. But don’t fucking advertise. Keep it to yourself. The ladies are not into that shit.
So Horseface. She just got out of a nine year relationship and she immediately goes to Fansly. It’s in such poor taste. She doesn’t give a fuck about that guy. She’s on The Tony Show talking about how she wants to have sex with everyone, including her father. It’s completely disrespectful. But the only person who Horseface cares about is Horseface.
She doesn’t care about conning retards out of their money. Doesn’t care about her boyfriend of nine years. Doesn’t care about her family. Doesn’t care about Newt Wallen. It’s all about Horseface.
-
Hudson Hawk (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-GWV2HrW0c
0:15 – But first a word from our sponsor. Come on…KEEPS!
Oh. Fucking VPN. What happened to proxies? I used to use them all the time. There were websites that had massive lists of proxies. You just put that information into some setting in your browser and…assuming it works…you have a new IP address. A lot of times they didn’t work so you’d just have to try another one.
There were also what were called “CGI proxies” which were websites where you just have to type in what URL you want to go to and it would change your IP address. A lot of these weren’t very good, though. You were better off using the manual proxies.
I’m pretty sure that these proxy sites still exist. And they seem to do the exact same thing as these VPNs. And they’re free. So why not use them instead? Yeah, none of them are exactly fast but it’s free. You can’t beat free.
Yeah, and this ad is talking about how you can choose a VPN from a bunch of different countries. Same thing with proxies. I used some proxy site and there would be a little flag next to each proxy to tell you what country it’s from. Same exact shit. FREE.
1:30 – That’s some hairline, Jimmy. Why even bother at this point?
“When it comes to movie-based games, you’d think I’d covered them all by now.”
Indeed, Jimmy. It’s so obviously algorithm-based.
4:30 – God. Just shave your head. There’s no point to this. The hairline runs across the middle of his scalp. And you know that there’s nothing in the back. So it’s just this thin strip of hair that he’s working with and he’s having to consciously never show you the back. It’s ridiculous.
7:00 – Terrible CGI special effects of Jimmy trying to drink a beer and the beer exploding. This is all part of a terrible running gag wherein every time Jimmy tries to take a drink of beer, something happens to knock the glass out of his hands or something.
9:00 – Jimmy is pretending to play the game and he’s getting “angry”. Terrible, terrible acting.
10:30 – Shit Pickle appears and weirdly bald Jimmy says, “I’ve been to ask you this for the longest time but how did shit get on your head?”
This is so terrible. Doesn’t Jimmy respect his lore any more? If memory serves, Shit Pickle first appeared in Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell. One of the characters was holding a pickle, dropped the pickle, and the pickle bounced into a pig’s anus. It’s some real biting satire.
“Were you shat on? Were you up somebody’s butt? Were you dipped in shit that’s already been shat? Or have you always existed that way and there’s no faecal origin?”
YOU KNOW THE ANSWER, JIMMY. Whoever wrote this shit may not know but JIMMY knows. Doesn’t Jimmy care about his lore? This is somebody who REFUSES to make more more Board James because it would destroy the lore. Everybody dies at the end of Board James (or something) so Jimmy says that he can’t make any more. Everybody’s dead.
Nobody ON EARTH cares about the stupid lore of Board James. Everybody HATED the stupid stories that he would tack on to these videos, which got more and more elaborate with each video. People jsut want to see him review board games. But Jimmy will not do it because of his commitment to the lore.
But here he is asking for Shit Pickle’s origin.
Actually, maybe it works. Yeah, James Rolfe knows about Shit Pickle’s origin but I don’t think The Angry Video Game Nerd knows. So…whatever.
Then Shit Pickle says “shit pickle” about two hundred times and a bunch of clips from various wars play. This is funny to…James? Maybe? But who else?
12:00 – If you tap the “B” button, you throw a punch but if you hold “B” it punches. Kieran, or whoever wrote this, thinks that this is stupid. They suggest that a better control scheme would be to press select to switch between the two. Or hold up and “B” to throw the ball.
What? No, these are clearly worse methods. There are definitely games that have a similar control scheme.
16:00 – Kieran thinks that there’s something wrong with the sentence, “You may have saved the economic fate of the whole world.” He takes issue with the word “may”.
But no. That’s right. Perfectly acceptable use of the word. So this whole rant afterwards just makes Jimmy look like an idiot.
17:15 – Then Jimmy starts yelling about doody and whatnot.
17:45 – Then Jimmy (or somebody, you just see the arm) throws the game in the trash, which causes a bad CGI explosion and fire for some unexplained reason.
Let me try to freeze frame this. Is it really Jimmy’s arm? We can tell by the level of hair.
No. We don’t see the arm at all. There’s no way that this was Jimmy throwing this.
The video ends with Kieran singing the Folgers coffee theme song for some stupid reason.
So credits. Written, directed by, and starring James Rolfe. Uh huh. Sure it was.
Edited and filmed by Kieran Fallon.
Well, at least he got upgraded from “help”.
This was…not good. It wasn’t good. But there was nothing really rage-inducing. Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.
They seem to cover the same ground that I’ve done. James is bald, the acting is bad, but overall it was just a boring, inoffensive episode.
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Is Final Destination A Secret X-Files Movie? – Tony from Hack the Movies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X79QtFFguyg
Is Final Destination a secret X-Files movie? No. So that’s the video, I guess. I don’t have to watch an hour and nine minutes of this trash.
I guess that I’ll give it a chance. I’ve actually seen the movie, which is rare for the shit that Tony covers. I remember logs falling off the back of a truck. Was that the movie or was that a sequel? That was the second one.
What was the first one about? Let me refresh my memory.
I’m reading the Wikipedia summary. It sounds familiar but I’m not entirely sure. I’ll watch the trailer. No…it’s not ringing any bells.
I’m sure I’ve seen it though because years ago, my girlfriend cited this movie as being her favourite movie of all time and I laughed for like 15 minutes. I shouldn’t have laughed, especially not for 15 minutes, but it was just so absurd to me. THIS fucking piece of shit is your favourite movie? And I knew the movie. I knew the premise. Somebody has a premonition of their own death, they manage to avoid this death, and then a bunch of stuff subsequently tries to kill them to restore what should have been the original timeline or whatever. I knew all of this when she told me and this was many years ago.
I definitely saw the sequel in the theatre with her because I remember that log scene. And I took her to see this movie because she had earlier cited the original as her favourite movie.
I also went to Final Destination 4 with her. That’s the one in 3d. That was awful. I couldn’t even watch it.
But the reason she gave for it being her favourite movie is, “You think about what you would do in that situation.” I know what she meant. And she was right. You do think this when you’re watching the movie. But isn’t that a common thing in many movies? I don’t know. Maybe it isn’t.
Still…I wouldn’t put Final Destination in my top 1000 films. Come on. I’m an intellectual. Easy Rider is still my number one. And my top 100 probably doesn’t have anything that was made from 1980 to today.
Anyway, moving on. Tony is hacking some more lowbrow movies. Let’s check it out.
0:00 – Oh, we have that butch lesbian editor Jessica and Johanna from Hack the Movies. Is this Jessica’s first appearance on the show? I do believe that it is. She was terrible in some Simpsons mini-review that she did and she was awful in some commercial but…who knows? Can she be any worse than Johanna?
Oh…what? What is Jessica wearing? It’s a tank top with “Green Day” on it. Green Day must be all the rage with the young people today. I saw a young woman just recently with a Green Day jacket or backpack or something. She was in her early 20s, I’d guess. These people weren’t even alive when the fucking…whatever. There’s apparently a Green Day revival. Good for them, I guess. They were shit in the 1990s and they’re undoubtedly shit today but whatever. This is what the young people are into. Sixty year old pop punk rockers.
0:30 – Wait a minute. Jessica makes a “coming out of the closet” half-joke that I didn’t get. Then she says, “I want to say that that is not a gay joke because I am very much straight.”
Wow. My mind is blown. This changes everything.
First of all, my sincere apologies to Jessica for calling her a butch lesbian all this time. But…can this be right? Well, it’s what she says. I don’t think that she’s joking. She knows if she’s gay or not.
It didn’t fucking help that Horseface constantly talked about how hot Jessica is and how she wants to have sex with her. She says that about every woman but this is what happens. It causes confusion.
No, it’s not just me. Because just recently somebody left a comment on one of these videos saying, “She looks like she uses pronouns” in reference to Jessica.
Anyway, I always liked Jessica. I complimented her old school embracing of butch lesbianism as opposed to becoming “trans”. But…no, this is a heterosexual woman. Just…not a particularly feminine heterosexual woman. And that’s alright. No problem with that. That’s cool. Something different. I like it. Be yourself. That’s what I’m all about. Individuality.
0:45 – And then Johanna says “not me”, suggesting that she’s not heterosexual. You know…Johanna. The woman who’s getting married to a man. Not heterosexual. I see. Let’s just move on.
1:00 – Some dumb skit. I don’t give a fuck.
2:45 – Jessica (who is always referred to as “Jess”) says that she was recently in Ireland. Good for her. Doing some travelling. And not the bullshit traveling that human garbage like Johanna does where she just goes to fucking Disney World over and over again. Jess is doing real travelling. International travelling.
I’ve been to Ireland myself. That was originally where I was planning on living. I was in Dublin. But I couldn’t find a job right away and I was living in a hostel with a bunch of scumbags and after a month of that, I said, “Fuck this” and I took a flight to London. And it took two years to find a job.
I was also planning on moving to Dublin a few years ago. I had a job interview there but the woman didn’t even bother to show up. Unprofessional in the extreme. I’ve never seen this in my life. And she knew that I was coming from London just for that one day. Suddenly, there’s an “emergency”. So fuck her and fuck that company. I moved somewhere else instead.
But that poor experience didn’t sour me on Dublin as a whole. It was very scenic and most of the people seemed okay and it had a nice, chill vibe. I don’t think that I’ll be going back, though.
10:00 – Tony is introducing a female character and Johanna says, “She’s so fucking hot.”
Fucking awful. She’s just stealing Horseface’s gimmick. If you have nothing semi-intelligent to say, keep your fucking mouth shut. It’s not hard.
10:30 – Tony keeps talking about milfs and porn and Johanna says, “Why do you keep talking about porn?”
This is an intelligent contribution. I was about to pose the same question.
Okay, well I made it to 30 minutes. Nothing is happening. It’s the usual summarising of movies. But nothing offensive. This was fine. This was background noise material.
Jessica is awkward and has nothing to say but she’s definitely my favourite Hack the Movies co-host. This is real. Real people are awkward and have nothing to say. She’s not talking about hot chicks who she wants to have sex with or any of this mindless blather. It’s just…nothing. There’s a lot of talking over as well. Tony talks over her a lot because he knows that she’s just going to say something awkward.
But it’s not annoying. It’s refreshing. I identify with Jessica. This would be me on the show. Saying awkward shit that doesn’t go anywhere.
Let’s peruse the comments.
– “Jessica is hot”
Dude. Come on. Really?
Well…now that I know that she’s heterosexual…maybe. As a butch lesbian, she’s just a butch lesbian. But as a not-particularly-feminine, heterosexual woman…I might be into it. It’s something different.
I’m putting Jessica on top of my Ladies of Youtube list. And if she comes back, she’ll do better. This is a skill that improves with practice.
Hopefully, I don’t get burned like I did with PVC Bondage Girl. Jessica comes out as a “mudding” enthusiast or something.
– “Dude, definitely need more Jessica in the videos. She’s a delight and funny AF”
There are a lot of messages like this. People are really into Jessica. They’re on another planet. She’s awful. And not remotely funny.
Still…maybe she’d go out with me. Maybe the next time she’s in Ireland, we can meet up. Go to Burger King or something. Have an awkward conversation over a Vegan Royale. And then who knows? Maybe some awkward intercourse. Anything’s possible.
-
Pam being thirsty and obsessed with sausages while playing Gabriel Knight 2 – Cannot be Tamed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA-IWN9Khi8
Part 3 in Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining’s series of bafflingly unfunny Twitch clips. I reviewed the first two here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/pam-being-irreverent-inappropriate-or.html
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/07/pam-judging-fashion-choices-righting.html
Let’s check the description.
Some highlights from recent streams while playing The Beast Within: A Gabriel Knight Mystery. I really wanted the characters to kiss. And buy sausages. And commented on both of these things a lot.
Oh. So she’s going to repeat the same unfunny half-joke numerous times. That’s funny, right? Let’s find out together. Twenty minutes. Oh, we’re in for a treat. My sides are aching already.
0:00 – So she’s watching this FMV of two guys drinking and then she says, “Now kiss.”
Get it? Like they’re gay. That’s…well, let’s think about this. It’s not funny. We know that much. But is what she saying homophobic? Because these characters aren’t gay. So why is she attributing gay characteristics to them?
You wouldn’t attribute heterosexual characteristics to gay men, would you? “Hey, nancy boy. Why don’t you go have sex with a woman.” Because that guy isn’t into that stuff. He’s gay. And to suggest that he should sex with a woman is offensive. You’re not respecting his sexuality.
You’d expect a woke woman like Pam to understand all of this. No. She doesn’t get it.
0:15 – There’s FMV of flames in front of a child. “Are they setting that child on fire? Goodbye child.”
Get it? Are your ribs tickled yet? Strap in. We’ve got twenty minutes of this aggressively bad non-comedy to get through.
1:00 – She attempts to give a butcher some money and the protagonist says, “I’m not much in the mood for mead at the moment.” Pam says, “Why?”
That’s the joke. It’s going to be this for twenty minutes. Why does she think that any of this is funny? This is just a window into her mental illness. None of this is REMOTELY funny. I can’t even understand how she can think that this is funny. These are not jokes. These are not witty remarks. This is nothing. But she thinks that this is all hysterical.
1:45 – She suggests that two heterosexual men should kiss. Again. Why is any of this funny? It isn’t.
And I think that this is supposed to be an example of Pam being “thirsty”. Really? This is Pam when she’s horny? She has the same blank expression and monotone voice that she always has. No wonder her boyfriend left her and she’s fucking her dog now.
3:30 – “Sometimes the musical cues are not totally fitting of what’s happening on screen.”
I don’t even know what to say any more. How many different ways can I say that none of this even remotely funny? Or interesting? Or sexual? It’s just…nothing. These comments are nothing. But Pam, inexplicably, finds them to be funny.
I’ll give it another two minutes.
4:15 – “Yeah, boyfriend.” And then she zooms the camera in, during post-production, to her taking a sip from her water bottle.
No. This is abysmal. And it’s not going to improve. It’s going to be this for twenty minutes.
Let’s see what the horntards have to say.
– “BAHAHAHA this game is just a gay porn! (beast within eh, so he’s closeted?)”
Any way you look at it, this is offensive. What if the guy is gay? Pam trying to out somebody is not cool. It’s certainly not funny.
– “this is just….hilarious and perfection. Thank you for the many many smiles Pam. :)”
Where? Which parts were funny? Can you cite a single example?
– “These are your highlights? Glad I didn’t watch you stream. Cringe af.”
God fucking damn it. Finally a voice of reason. It’s like fucking Bizarro World in these comments. How can ANYBODY find ANY of this to be funny? These aren’t even jokes. She’s not even ATTEMPTING to be funny. Right? She can’t be. These are just random comments.
– “Gross. Unsubscribed.”
Another person who gets it. There’s nothing funny about calling people gay.
Well, I don’t want to be too disingenuous. I enjoy calling the boys on TheCinemassacreTruth gay. But I’m doing so in a comedic fashion. And there’s at least a kernel of truth in what I’m saying. You have to be pretty gay to talk about a man’s penis on a regular basis and make Photoshopped pictures where you make men look like women.
But calling somebody gay when they’re not gay is…offensive. I know that it’s offensive. It’s no different from calling people “faggots” in online games. This used to be popular, I don’t know if it still is. You’d get angry at somebody and call them a “faggot”.
I can fully understand why gay people would be offended by these remarks. They don’t want their sexuality to be used as an insult.
But here’s Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining calling this man gay and saying, “Hey isn’t this cute? I’m calling a straight man gay.”
It’s not cute. It’s offensive to homosexuals and it’s offensive to heterosexuals. Heterosexual men don’t want to be emasculated by being called gay and gay men don’t want their sexuality to be used as an insult. How can she not get this? Pam is the ultimate SJW.
She’s an SJW when it suits her. She has no problem being insulting to white men, gay or straight.
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Erin Getting *Nostalgic* About Woolworth's
https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1562896384876875776
Found a nice little gem on the picture hanging kit at my parents’ house. I only have super vague memories of Woolworth’s since I was so young, but I remember it being fun 😎
Then she posts a picture of a “picture hanging kit” with a Woolworth price tag of $2.99 on it.
She actually took the time to post this. She’s apparently at her parents’ home yet again, by the way. She’s there about 20 times a year.
But she posted this ridiculously boring, pointless *nostalgia* tweet about a PICTURE HANGING KIT! She’s claiming to be *nostalgic* for PICTURE HANGING KITS.
Then you read the fucking tweet. She doesn’t even remember the fucking store. Nevertheless, with the obvious disadvantage of having no memories of the store, she found Woolworth’s to be “fun”.
What the fuck is this? What’s the point of this? She has never fucking done ANYTHING. So this is the desperate, pointless sort of shit that she writes. “I don’t remember the store I think it was fun. What about you guys? Did you like Woolworth’s?”
No, Erin. I’ve never been. And that’s okay. It’s okay if you haven’t been to every defunct retail store. But don’t make a fucking tweet about your non-memories.
Boy, this picture hanging kit really reminds me…nothing. I don’t remember the store. But it was fun.
Riveting stuff, Erin.
Let’s see what the horntards can possibly have to say to this.
Well, Shishi says, “You in LA? Supposedly the best hamburger on the west coast”.
Wow. If even Shishi didn’t know that Erin was visiting her parents yet again, she must not have told anyone. By the way, Shishi thinks that The Apple Pan is the best place to get a hamburger in Los Angeles. Is he right? I don’t know. I’ve never been. Neither has Shishi. Neither, presumably, has Erin. Maybe we should all make a tweet about The Apple Pan anyway. That restaurant sure is fun. Probably.
Oh, The Ideas Man posted here. That’s surprising. Erin must still be in Newt’s good graces. Or vice versa, I guess. So he says: “I have not thought of Woolworths in years. But I still remember where they were in the malls. used to get star wars power of the force figures there.”
Well, that’s a memory, at least. Not an interesting one but an actual memory. You see how this works, Erin? It’s a retelling of something that actually occurred in one’s life.
Somebody named Karl says, “Remember eating at the lunch counter with my mom and looking at the models of airplanes & tanks that they had. alway reasonable priced. Good times!❤️ ( yes I’m that old” and then about seven random emojis.
Yeah, that’s a memory alright. Again, not remotely interesting but it’s a memory.
Then you go to his Twitter.
“A/V specialist, Photographer, Media Artist, Filmmaker, dad & loving husband. NY to the core”
His wife probably doesn’t appreciate him jerking off to Erin but who knows? Maybe she’s an understanding woman. Erin is just so hot, not to mention charming. How can you not jerk off to her?
And he has like a thousand tweets about how Trump and the Republican party are evil. THE MAN LOST THE ELECTION! YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP HARPING ON IT! TRUMP ISN’T GOING TO TAKE AWAY YOUR PRECIOUS TRANSGENDER BATHROOMS!
Mike also chimes in. “I went there all the time in the 80s. Loved the soda fountain and sitting on the stools.”
Oh. Sitting on the stools, you say. That’s some memory. Thank you for sharing that, Mike. It was complete dogshit but it beat Erin’s non-memory by some considerable margin.
Gamers Uplink says, “Woolworth and Caldor. Mrs. Gamers Uplink and I got our first dining room table from Caldor when we were younger. I still have it as part of my office and streaming setup.”
Okay, but we’re talking about Woolworth’s here. If you have no memories about Woolworth’s, don’t fucking post anything.
RJay64 says, “I don’t remember Woolworth’s at all and I’m a 90s kid. I remember places like Montgomery Ward, Circuit City and Wherehouse.”
Come on. Is there really a store called Wherehouse? Because I, like everybody, read that as “Whorehouse”.
Anyway, that guy is just wasting our time too. No Woolworth’s memories.
So Erin replies to that guy. “I remember Wards and Warehouse a lot better. I was SUPER little when Woolworth’s was still around.”
Yeah. We know. You don’t have any memories of Woolworth’s. So what in the name of fuck was the point of this tweet?
Squarepainter says, “My dad did the product illustrations in the flyers when I was a kid so I’d get the occasional free toys from them”
Oh, the first semi-interesting Woolworth’s memory. So what does Erin say, “That’s awesome”. That’s her new replacement for, “That’s cool”. It’s the only thing that she can ever say to anyone because she has no experience with anything. She’s never done anything. She doesn’t know anything about anything.
Omegamax10 says, “They had arcades, rides and an Icee machine at mine. Awesome store.”
There you go. That’s a memory. Marginally better than fucking Mike talking about sitting on a stool. What the fuck.
Curt79 says, “I remember when the Woolworth’s by me turned into a Walmart.”
Oh. Fascinating.
And then somebody says something, I can’t see the tweet because it’s hidden, but Erin replies with “That’s awesome”. Unbelievable.
So that’s Erin’s trip down memory lane in regards to Woolworth’s and picture framing kits.
Earlier, I said that I’ve never been to a Woolworth’s but that’s not quite true. I’ve never been to a US Woolworth but I have been to UK Woolworth’s. Woolworth still operated in the UK even after the US Woolworth’s closed because the UK chain was an independent thing.
So I went a couple of times. This was like 15 years ago. They were just stores. I got a bowl from there or something.
Woolworth’s, at least in the UK, were known for their “pick and mix” candy selection. They had a bunch of different, generic candies (or “sweets” as British people like to say) in like drawers and you could fill a small bag with whatever combination of candies you wanted for a flat price.
I never did that. Alright. I’m just telling you that I didn’t do it. I don’t like pick and mix. I find the whole process intimidating.
But I did go once with my girlfriend, who’s a pick and mix enthusiast. So she made her choices and paid for it. I think that she got some of those little coiled red licorice things. I like those. But yeah, she got a combination of things.
Then the UK Woolworth’s closed…I’ll say in 2010. Let me look this up.
It was 2009. I was close. It was a big news story. People lost their jobs and whatnot. But the main story was the closure of these pick and mix things. Where are people going to go for their pick and mix needs?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woolworths_Group_(United_Kingdom)
That’s another thing. That article keeps referring to “Woolworth”. Not “Woolworth’s”. And the price tag in Erin’s fascinating picture also said “Woolworth”. So which is it? I’m inclined to say “Woolworth’s” too but I don’t have much familiarity with the store.
So that was a deep dive into one of the most boring and pointless tweets ever created. That’s awesome.
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Psycho Spamming My Blog Every Day for a Year
I know that this will just encourage him to continue but maybe it will help other people see what a lunatic this person is.
There’s a guy currently using the name PalpitationOcean on Reddit. As here:
https://www.reddit.com/user/PalpitationOcean/
He used the names PalpitationSea4098 and Garubtree in the past. Those accounts have both been banned from all of Reddit for obsessive, harassing behaviour.
This guy is a fat hillbilly from Alabama who was in special education. This is all from his own account of himself.
I banned him from my sub CinemassacreTruth shortly after I opened it because he would spam it with stupid shit. This is what initially got him banned from the official Cinemassacre subreddit. He literally posts from the minute he wakes up until the minute he goes to sleep. Then he got banned from all of Reddit for harassing the moderators of the official Cinemassacre subreddit.
I don’t know what he was sending to them but here’s what he sends to me: death threats, rape threats, comments about how he enjoys eating shit, comments about how he’s gay, comments about wanting to have sex with James Rolfe’s children, just whatever “shocking” material his special education brain can think of.
So I sent a screenshot of some his posts to the moderators of TheCinemassacreTruth. I said, “Can you just warn him to stop this or you’re going to ban him and maybe that will be enough to get him to stop.” They didn’t reply. They looked at these posts full of death and rape threats and other disgusting comments and said, “Nothing wrong here.”
His previous Reddit account was finally banned because he kept posting gay Photoshops of James Rolfe’s face on muscular men’s bodies. Shit like this. He was banned for ban evasion on my sub. He kept using different usernames.
I just ignore him. I never acknowledge his retarded behaviour. But every day for a year with this. This is why I had to turn comment moderation on. He posts at least dozens of these psychotic messages every day.
He also says, “If you shut your subreddit down, I’ll stop spamming.” But why would I do that? The subreddit is there to expose the homosexual harassment of the gay men on TheCinemassacreTruth. And what’s more gay than a man harassing another man for a year saying that he’s going to rape him? This is a fat, gay, special education hillbilly. And he’s clearly mentally ill. And probably dangerous.
But here’s the thing. It takes FIVE SECONDS to delete all of these messages. I’ll lay it out in screenshot form.
Here are his comments so far from today. What he’s been doing lately is re-posting every comment I ever wrote on Reddit. Nothing gay and obsessive about that. Note that he started three hours ago.
He stopped one hour ago. So he’s been spamming these comments for two hours. He wrote 272 comments so far today.
So all I have to do is click “manage”.
Click “select all comments”.
Click “delete the selected comments”.
And that’s it. “Awaiting moderation (0)”. Five seconds of work. Does he think that I have to click all of these individually? No. This is easy. He spent two hours with this mentally ill bullshit, and I spent five seconds deleting it.
Anyway, hopefully, he finds a boyfriend soon. This is not remotely healthy or normal.
