Erin Getting *Nostalgic* About Woolworth's

Found a nice little gem on the picture hanging kit at my parents’ house. I only have super vague memories of Woolworth’s since I was so young, but I remember it being fun 😎

Then she posts a picture of a “picture hanging kit” with a Woolworth price tag of $2.99 on it.

She actually took the time to post this.  She’s apparently at her parents’ home yet again, by the way.  She’s there about 20 times a year.  

But she posted this ridiculously boring, pointless *nostalgia* tweet about a PICTURE HANGING KIT!  She’s claiming to be *nostalgic* for PICTURE HANGING KITS.

Then you read the fucking tweet.  She doesn’t even remember the fucking store.  Nevertheless, with the obvious disadvantage of having no memories of the store, she found Woolworth’s to be “fun”.

What the fuck is this?  What’s the point of this?  She has never fucking done ANYTHING.  So this is the desperate, pointless sort of shit that she writes.  “I don’t remember the store I think it was fun.  What about you guys?  Did you like Woolworth’s?”

No, Erin.  I’ve never been.  And that’s okay.  It’s okay if you haven’t been to every defunct retail store.  But don’t make a fucking tweet about your non-memories.

Boy, this picture hanging kit really reminds me…nothing.  I don’t remember the store.  But it was fun.

Riveting stuff, Erin.

Let’s see what the horntards can possibly have to say to this.

Well, Shishi says, “You in LA? Supposedly the best hamburger on the west coast”.

Wow.  If even Shishi didn’t know that Erin was visiting her parents yet again, she must not have told anyone.  By the way, Shishi thinks that The Apple Pan is the best place to get a hamburger in Los Angeles.  Is he right?  I don’t know.  I’ve never been.  Neither has Shishi.  Neither, presumably, has Erin.  Maybe we should all make a tweet about The Apple Pan anyway.  That restaurant sure is fun.  Probably.

Oh, The Ideas Man posted here.  That’s surprising.  Erin must still be in Newt’s good graces.  Or vice versa, I guess.  So he says: “I have not thought of Woolworths in years. But I still remember where they were in the malls. used to get star wars power of the force figures there.”

Well, that’s a memory, at least.  Not an interesting one but an actual memory.  You see how this works, Erin?  It’s a retelling of something that actually occurred in one’s life.

Somebody named Karl says, “Remember eating at the lunch counter with my mom and looking at the models of airplanes & tanks that they had.  alway reasonable priced.  Good times!❤️ ( yes I’m that old” and then about seven random emojis.  

Yeah, that’s a memory alright.  Again, not remotely interesting but it’s a memory.

Then you go to his Twitter.

“A/V specialist, Photographer, Media Artist, Filmmaker, dad & loving husband. NY to the core”

His wife probably doesn’t appreciate him jerking off to Erin but who knows?  Maybe she’s an understanding woman.  Erin is just so hot, not to mention charming.  How can you not jerk off to her?

And he has like a thousand tweets about how Trump and the Republican party are evil.  THE MAN LOST THE ELECTION!  YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP HARPING ON IT!  TRUMP ISN’T GOING TO TAKE AWAY YOUR PRECIOUS TRANSGENDER BATHROOMS!

Mike also chimes in.  “I went there all the time in the 80s. Loved the soda fountain and sitting on the stools.”

Oh.  Sitting on the stools, you say.  That’s some memory.  Thank you for sharing that, Mike.  It was complete dogshit but it beat Erin’s non-memory by some considerable margin.

Gamers Uplink says, “Woolworth and Caldor. Mrs. Gamers Uplink and I got our first dining room table from Caldor when we were younger. I still have it as part of my office and streaming setup.”

Okay, but we’re talking about Woolworth’s here.  If you have no memories about Woolworth’s, don’t fucking post anything.  

RJay64 says, “I don’t remember Woolworth’s at all and I’m a 90s kid. I remember places like Montgomery Ward, Circuit City and Wherehouse.”

Come on.  Is there really a store called Wherehouse?  Because I, like everybody, read that as “Whorehouse”.  

Anyway, that guy is just wasting our time too.  No Woolworth’s memories.

So Erin replies to that guy.  “I remember Wards and Warehouse a lot better. I was SUPER little when Woolworth’s was still around.”

Yeah.  We know.  You don’t have any memories of Woolworth’s.  So what in the name of fuck was the point of this tweet?

Squarepainter says, “My dad did the product illustrations in the flyers when I was a kid so I’d get the occasional free toys from them”

Oh, the first semi-interesting Woolworth’s memory.  So what does Erin say, “That’s awesome”.  That’s her new replacement for, “That’s cool”.  It’s the only thing that she can ever say to anyone because she has no experience with anything.  She’s never done anything.  She doesn’t know anything about anything. 

Omegamax10 says, “They had arcades, rides and an Icee machine at mine. Awesome store.”

There you go.  That’s a memory.  Marginally better than fucking Mike talking about sitting on a stool.  What the fuck.

Curt79 says, “I remember when the Woolworth’s by me turned into a Walmart.”

Oh.  Fascinating.

And then somebody says something, I can’t see the tweet because it’s hidden, but Erin replies with “That’s awesome”.  Unbelievable.

So that’s Erin’s trip down memory lane in regards to Woolworth’s and picture framing kits.  

Earlier, I said that I’ve never been to a Woolworth’s but that’s not quite true.  I’ve never been to a US Woolworth but I have been to UK Woolworth’s.  Woolworth still operated in the UK even after the US Woolworth’s closed because the UK chain was an independent thing.  

So I went a couple of times.  This was like 15 years ago.  They were just stores.  I got a bowl from there or something.  

Woolworth’s, at least in the UK, were known for their “pick and mix” candy selection.  They had a bunch of different, generic candies (or “sweets” as British people like to say) in like drawers and you could fill a small bag with whatever combination of candies you wanted for a flat price.  

I never did that.  Alright.  I’m just telling you that I didn’t do it.  I don’t like pick and mix.  I find the whole process intimidating.  

But I did go once with my girlfriend, who’s a pick and mix enthusiast.  So she made her choices and paid for it.  I think that she got some of those little coiled red licorice things.  I like those.  But yeah, she got a combination of things.

Then the UK Woolworth’s closed…I’ll say in 2010.  Let me look this up.

It was 2009.  I was close.  It was a big news story.  People lost their jobs and whatnot.  But the main story was the closure of these pick and mix things.  Where are people going to go for their pick and mix needs?

That’s another thing.  That article keeps referring to “Woolworth”.  Not “Woolworth’s”.  And the price tag in Erin’s fascinating picture also said “Woolworth”.  So which is it?  I’m inclined to say “Woolworth’s” too but I don’t have much familiarity with the store.

So that was a deep dive into one of the most boring and pointless tweets ever created.  That’s awesome.

2 thoughts on “Erin Getting *Nostalgic* About Woolworth's

  1. Here's my epic stories about Woolworth's (UK) and the fond memories I have of a chain store.I got my Star Wars figures there. I had basically everyone except Old Ben for some reason, even though he's my favourite character. I guess my parents just stopped buying them at some point.I remember in high school I went in and two kids were shoplifting really, really poorly by just putting cheap shit into a backpack.And I remember begging my mum for a Street Sharks toy in there.”Good memories all around” as James Rolfe would say.

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