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Re-visiting Erin's Dying Channel on SocialBlade
https://socialblade.com/youtube/channel/UCXhETv5GWs2qfJ6D2vEEJDg
About a year ago, I looked at Erin’s shitty channel numbers on SocialBlade. Let’s see if the predictions were accurate. Here’s my original post:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/04/a-socialblade-analysis-of-erins-dying.html
First thing we can see is that she moved up from a C+ to a B-. But this isn’t school. The grades don’t matter. Give us the figures.
She actually moved down in subscriber rank. That means that more people have passed her subscriber numbers in the past year. Same with view rank and country rank and “games rank”. That last one, I assume, is the category rank that she chose for her channel.She seems to be having a good month by her standards. 2100 new subscribers this month and the month still has another week to go. She usually gains about 800 subscribers a month. That Blockbuster video did twice as good as her typical video. Oh. I know why. It was promoted by Cinemassacre. I don’t know why Cinemassacre is still promoting Erin’s shit. Justin must be trying to get something going with Erin. I think that he does go to her streams a lot.I review that Blockbuster video here:Spoiler: it sucks ass.But yeah, the money. This is the most important bit. She’s making a little more than TWICE as much money now. Holy shit. That’s like getting a 100% pay rise. But in Erin’s case, it just means going from $110/month to $275/month.Still…that’s pretty good. Youtube was right to call her one of the Women on the Rise. If you were a kid and getting $275/month, you’d be balling. It would be more money than you’d know what to do with.And I remember when I started reviewing her shit, I would always say that she’s making $50/month, because that’s what SocialBlade was saying at the time. This was maybe two years ago.So yeah. She’s doubling her income every year. If she keeps this up, in two years, she might just be making the minimum wage in the state of Pennsylvania. Of course, by then the minimum wage might be higher. Pennsylvania has one of the lowest minimum wages in the country. It’s just the federally-mandated $7.25/hour and there’s talk about raising that to, I think as much as $15/hour but I’d be shocked if that happens.
She started the channel in January 2017. The earliest data we have is from May 2017. You can see the graph in my other post. Growth was completely stagnant up until July 2018. So from January 2017 to July 2018, she was getting like 300 subscribers a month. Something like this. Then there was a big jump in July 2018 when she got 2700 subscribers. What happened in July 2018? Presumably, that’s when she moved in with Mike and he started promoting her channel in exchange for buttsex.
Then we see a few spikes. This is from when he would promote her channel on Cinemassacre.But really, there’s a not a huge difference in growth before she met Mike and after. She was getting like 300 subscribers a month before she met Mike and now she averages about 800 a month. It’s more than twice as much, of course, but you would expect a lot more from an affiliation with a channel as big as Cinemassacre. Certainly Erin expected a lot more. But no. This is not a success.She was getting 300 new subscribers a month just by herself, just from putting videos out and maybe spamming a few retro gaming channels. It was a hobby. She wasn’t taking it seriously.Now this is her job and she’s getting fucked in the ass on the regular in this sleazy agreement. And…for what? For twice as many subscribers as you were getting when you weren’t even trying? What a colossal mistake this was.I get like 100 hits a day on this blog. I don’t promote the blog. I don’t give a fuck if anyone reads it.But if some fat chick in Slovenia said, “Hey, if you move to Slovenia with me and let me fuck you in the ass every night, I’ll promote your blog and promise you DOUBLE the hits” I’d say, “Thank you, but no.” The difference is negligible. I’m not going to completely turn my life upside down for those sorts of numbers. Not to mention the ass fucking.But Erin did it. I mean…if she weren’t such a horrible person, this would be a really sad story.
In April 2020, SocialBlade predicted that Erin would reach 100,000 subscribers in June 2024. Now they say she’ll reach it in July 2022.I think it’s just because she had an unusually good month this month, thanks to Justin Silverman promoting her channel. I’m thinking that they only take the most recent month into consideration. Or at least give a lot of weight to the most recent month.Finally, we can compare her to Mike’s channel:
As predicted last year, Mike has surpassed Erin in subscribers. The red line (UCX…) is Erin and the blue line is Mike. Again, you can see at the very end of Erin’s line a slight increase from this latest Justin Silverman promotion.But Mike has just steadily climbed.
When we look at views, Mike is way ahead and has been ahead since about July 2019. I think that he posts more videos and longer videos so that helps.
Then the estimated earnings, helpfully in dollars for some reason, about $3,600/year for Erin and $8,500 for Mike. I just take the average. So Mike is making about 2.5 times a much as Erin.Still not worth doing, of course. All of those fucking streams. For hours. I know that they make money on Twitch too but how much can it possible be?And with Erin, it’s the same handful of horny losers in every fucking stream. Shishi and NewWaveJunkie and Marcus and whoever. Are the mentally challenged known for being wealthy? They have poor money handling skills and are easy to take advantage of but when you come down it, these people don’t have much money. Even if ShiShi and the gang were giving all of their money to Erin, it’s not much.So there’s been very little progress with Erin’s channel over the past year. Indeed, there’s been very little progress since January 2017. Here’s the problem: the content is bad. Nothing can fix that. It’s not about marketing or the algorithm or shifts in consumer viewing habits. It’s about bad content. Erin has that in spades. At what point do you decide that this isn’t working and go get a job? Or don’t get a job. I don’t give a fuck. Be a housewife to the love of your life Mike Matei. But Youtube is not working.No personality + no knowledge of video games + no interest in video games = no money. It doesn’t matter that you’re a woman. The channel will never be a success because the content is bad and you’re bad and you should feel bad about all of this. It’s a scam, you’re a scammer, your scam didn’t work. Do something else with your time. -
My Vintage Refrigerator – Super Retro Gal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxqhEQbnJg8
I guess that we aren’t going to get a bitter Q&A session on Screenwave. So instead, enjoy this video about an old refrigerator.
She got this thing from some guy and she gives the website. I’m actually intrigued. I’ll check it out.
Fuck. I don’t know. It’s some heavily-tattooed douchebag from “The West Coast” who does artsy bullshit with old cars and whatnot. No prices on anything. No descriptions. Just Instagram pictures. What a way to run a business.
That guy just lost a customer. Back to the video.
0:30 – She describes her husband’s grandfather (I think) as “Pops”. It’s REALLY annoying. First of all, the man has a name. Secondly, he’s not my pops. Thirdly, he’s not your pops. So why are you saying this?
Why be this informal? It’s disrespectful to this man and makes you sound like a complete imbecile. What’s wrong with, “My husband’s grandfather”?
Then she talks about “Jason’s brother”. Who are these people? I think Jason is her husband but I don’t know. We’re just supposed to know the names of everyone in Super Retro Gal’s life? I don’t even know her name.
3:15 – A time-lapse video of some people renovating the kitchen to get this refrigerator to fit in there.
Oh…this is really dragging on.
5:15 – It’s finally over. I don’t even know what they did. What changed? I saw people working but on what, I don’t know.
Then she just shows the refrigerator. It has like a counter in it.
I mean, whatever. I’m down. It’s cool to get retro appliances. I don’t have any issue with that. And the video was watchable. I was mildly interested.
But she’s an awful person.
Let’s check out her Twitter, I guess.
https://twitter.com/super_retro_gal/status/1373335789094850562
It’s really cute that I just got a $200 invoice in the mail for benefits that I specifically called and said I didn’t need. Any other laid-off Dis CM’s receive anything like this?
That reminds me. Years ago, I was unemployed so getting benefits. Isn’t it still called “welfare” in the US? Maybe Super Retro Gal was referring to some kind of company benefits like vacation time and dental insurance and whatnot.
Anyway, I was getting money from the government to pay for my rent and like £70/week to cover all other expenses. This was during a period where I wasn’t working.
But then I found a job. So, as required, I contacted them and told them about my new job and that they should stop the payments.
Nevertheless, they sent an additional cheque for like £1200. I did my part so I didn’t bother correcting them. And maybe I was owed it, I don’t know. Who am I to question them? But nobody ever asked for the money back.
There was another time where the tax people just sent me a cheque for overpaid taxes from YEARS earlier. I was paying a higher tax rate because I didn’t have a national insurance number at the time or I just didn’t want to bother doing my taxes properly because I only worked at these places for a short time anyway.
So yeah, one day a cheque just arrived. And it was for a fairly substantial amount. I didn’t ask for it and I didn’t even know that I was owed the money.
I can’t imagine such things happening in the US.
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Mall Games – Erin Plays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzvMeR10fB0
Before we even get started, let me tell you why these sort of videos don’t work: Erin doesn’t know shit about video games.
She doesn’t say “these are the BEST nine games that take place in a mall” but it’s implied. When you’re making a video about the “best” whatever, you have to have deep knowledge on the subject matter.
“Here are the nine best NES games”. You better have played every fucking NES game before you make such a video or some nerd is going to say, “What about this game? You forgot about this game. This game should have been on there.”
Best NES game is too broad. Maybe you could narrow it down to something manageable like “Nine best puzzle games for the NES.”
Erin went the other way. She’s going to tell you the nine best games that feature malls in the entirety of gaming history.
Now, if there was a list of such games, that would be one thing. She could just play the games on the list. But there is no such list. So she’s implying that she has such vast experience with video games that she can come up with her own list and tell you the nine best games that feature malls.
In reality, this list was compiled by suggestions from her horny, mentally challenged fans, Google, and Mike Matei. She has no first hand experience with any of these games. She has never played a single one of these games before making this video. And quite possible, she won’t even play the games for the video. Let’s find out.
EIGHTEEN MINUTES? I better go eat something first. Keep my strength up for this bullshit.
0:00 – “Hey guys! Erin here!”
New intro. Kind of.
And she’s wearing an Mtv shirt. Hey guys! Remember Mtv?
Sure, I remember them, Erin. Not the stuff from the 80s when they played music but the stuff from the 90s when they did wacky shit. Wait…that’s what you’re talking about? You remember the Mtv from the 1990s when they showed Aeon Flux and The Tom Green Show and Remote Control? How? You were an infant. It would be like me talking about how awesome Pauly Shore was on Mtv. I don’t fucking remember this shit. And I wasn’t watching Mtv as a kid. Were you? Most people started watching as teenagers. This would have been about 2000 for you.
Fucking ridiculous.
“I know it’s a weird topic but I’ve also done a video about sunsets so you should kind of expect this kind of content from me.”
Oh. Because you did one video like three years ago on a similar “best of” variety, we should just expect this.
0:15 – “Growing up in the 90s, I was lucky enough to get the final taste of classic mall culture.”
Does Erin even know what year she was born in? It was like 1989. So she was 10 years old in 1999. She should have little to no memory of most of this decade. She was too young to form memories for a lot of these years.
And in the later years of the decade, when she was like 8 to 10 years old, was she going to malls? With who? Her parents? She was too young to be hanging out in the mall with her friends, right?
So understand what she’s talking about. She’s *nostalgic* for these three years from 1997 to 1999 when she was going to the mall with her parents. Is that what ANYBODY thinks of when they think of “mall culture”? A nine year old going to Kohl’s to buy school slacks with their parents?
Why does everything have to be a lie with Erin? Just talk about the 2000s when you were a teenager. What’s the big deal? Why is she so adverse to that? Why pretend that you’re from an era other than the one that you’re actually from? Especially when we can all do the arithmetic and see that this is a giant fucking lie?
“My childhood arcade was Aladdin’s Castle.”
Oh, do tell, Erin. How many wasted seconds of your misspent youth did you spend there?
0:30 – “One of my last memories there was playing DDR there on my 16th birthday.”
Let’s see a “DDR” stream, Erin. The horndogs would love it. Do they have pads for that? Oh. Yeah, they do. I don’t know what console or whatever such games are on. Super gamer grrl Erin can figure it out.
“Maybe I spent too much time at the mall growing up but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
You’re talking about the 2000s, right? Not “the 90s”. Why not say it?
1:00 – Dead Rising.
Come on. Erin has never fucking played this before. It’s a first person shooter.
There’s gameplay footage and Erin claims to have played the PC version (“I played it on Steam”…) but this is not footage that she recorded. It can’t be.
I’m thinking of a similar “top (whatever)” video that she did that used footage from Mike’s streams . No joke. She used footage from Mike’s stream, didn’t include the little video of Mike, and tried to pass it off as her own.
God, there is no fucking way. She keeps showing this footage and…it’s impossible. She never fucking played this. Has Mike done a stream of this before?
2:45 – Rugrats: Totally Angelica.
I’m just not buying this. She’s showing a fair amount of footage in these games. When did she play them? In her spare time? Fuck off. She’s not doing that.
5:00 – Barbie. Some NES game that she played before on stream, for money. Also for a Youtube video, for money.
Wait a minute. Why isn’t she just showing footage from her stream? She probably is but she just took out the window of her playing, same as what she did when she stole Mike’s Twitch stream footage. There must be a way to do this if you have the raw footage.
7:30 – She claims that the game is “addicting”. This is her word de jure of late.
7:45 – Bart Versus the Space Mutants.
Yeah, she did a Youtube video on this one too. Briefly. It was in one of her “worst games on the NES” videos.
And again, there’s way, way, WAY more footage than I’m prepared to believe Erin actually recorded of herself playing. It’s showing multiple stages. And the gameplay is way too good to be Erin.
9:15 – Zombies Ate My Neighbors.
Mike definitely did a stream of this. That’s what this footage is from. It has to be.
10:15 – “It’s a Super Nintendo gem that’s highly addicting.”
Change the record.
10:15 – Some Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen “game”.
I definitely saw footage of this game before. Where would I have seen it? James and Mike Mondays? Again, Erin stole this footage from somewhere.
13:15 – Wait. What. Erin describes herself as a “Tween girl in the Y2k era.”
I just wasn’t prepared for this. Is Erin actually saying something truthful in regards to her age? She’s placing herself in the accurate era for the accurate age. I can’t believe that this is happening.
14:00 – Doom Eternal.
Huh. This is a game that she PLANNED on playing, on stream for money. And to prepare herself, she started playing the original Doom (some modded version, anyway) on stream, for money. I reviewed that here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/04/original-doom-practice-stream-okay-let.html
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/04/playing-some-original-doom-erin-plays.html
That was from nearly a year ago. She never ended up playing Doom Eternal because she was HORRIBLE at the original Doom and was clearly out of her depth.
But…now she has played Doom Eternal? Mike definitely streamed this game so I assume that this is where the footage comes from.
No, this can’t be her. She couldn’t even play the original Doom because it was the first time that she played a game “with mouse and keyboard.” The mod she was playing allowed you to look around with the mouse like in modern FPSs.
Then she says, “When I first played this last year…”
No. She didn’t play this. At least not on stream, for money. So was she playing in her spare time? It’s impossible.
15:15 – “Even though I’m not that good at this game, I completely love it.”
She never played a game “with mouse and keyboard” before. This is what she said last year. So that’s the entire FPS genre out. She never played a first person shooter until last year when she started with the original Doom, on stream, for money. And she was HORRIBLE at it. The worst Doom footage ever committed to video.
Now she says that she loves the game. But she never streamed it. So she was playing this in her spare time? COME ON! It’s an insult to the intelligence. Erin doesn’t play games in her spare time. Only on stream, for money.
And why would she suddenly take an interest in first person shooters? It’s not a genre that women are generally interested in. Even women who like video games. Erin is a woman who DOESN’T like video games. Why the fuck would she be playing this?
I’m a guy, I have a passing interest in GOOD first person shooters, and I’ve never played Doom Eternal. But this is now Erin’s favourite game.
Why did she never stream this? That was her original goal last year: to stream Doom Eternal. If she loves the game so much, why hasn’t she streamed it?
Then she talks about a cute Doom enemy…
15:30 – Some Lizzy McGuire game.
She describes herself as a “millennial girl”. Is that right? It sounds right but I’m just not used to Erin being truthful. Let me DuckDuckGo the year of birth range for “millennials”.
Born between the early 80s and the early 2000s. So…that’s right.
Anyway, yeah, she streamed this game before. On stream for money. And/or she made a Youtube video of it on stream, for money.
16:45 – Oh yeah. She promotes the video.
16:45 – Jay and Silent Bob: Mall Brawl
She claims to have seen Mallrats. This is a historic moment. This might just be the first time that Erin has claimed to have seen a movie before.
Wait. What? “Clerks is one of my favourite movies.”
This is just overwhelming. TWO movies that she’s seen before. Mark this day.
She didn’t even mention that the game is obviously “inspired” by River City Ransom. She never played that game before.
17:45 – “Can you think of any that I missed? You’re probably thinking of Beavis and Butthead and Space Quest, right?”
Space Quest, you say. Let’s check the archives.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/01/mike-and-erin-look-for-bad-snes-games.html
“Oh. What’s the space one that’s like, it was like King’s Quest and there was a fake one? Because I’m not a PC person.”
That was two months ago. Two months ago, Erin didn’t even know the NAME of Space Quest. But now she’s all about it. She knows that the game features a mall. And she thinks that EVERYONE knows about this.
No. I didn’t know. I knew about Space Quest but I never played any of those games. It’s not a particularly popular series, especially these days. It’s a bit before my time, actually. I wouldn’t expect anyone under the age of 45 to be familiar with the series to the extent that they know that it features a mall.
But Erin doesn’t know any of this. And she didn’t even know the name of the game TWO MONTHS AGO. So has she been playing it in her spare time since then? This old fucking text-based game? Or maybe she’s playing the “newer” ones from “the 90s” that were point and click adventure games.
How could she have found the time? She’s apparently playing A LOT of games in her spare time these days. Nobody can play these many games. There aren’t enough hours in the day.
Apparently, Erin is just all about video games now. She’s playing this shit in her spare time. 16 hours a day. Wrists be damned. Good for her. It’s taken her over four years of being a fake gamer grrl on Youtube but now she can honestly say that she’s the real deal. She genuinely likes video games now and she’s playing them ALL THE TIME. On stream, off stream, whenever. Glad to hear it.
Anyway, she ends the video by inviting the horndogs to mention other games that feature malls. Umm…no, I’m drawing a blank. Let’s see what DuckDuckGo has to say.
Vice City? I don’t remember a mall. I didn’t get too far in the game, though.
Here’s an article that mentions Space Quest’s mall:
This might be where Erin did her “research”.
I don’t know. Not much is coming up. Let’s see what the horndogs say.
Oh, I thought of one. SimTower.
– “I actually had to do things to me while watching this”
– “How old is Erin Plays?”
Erin replies with “33”.
– “Hey guys remember malls ?”
Aw. He stole my bit.
But yeah, basically nobody had any mall game suggestions. Too busy jerking off.
There’s the Smackdown Mall in WWF No Mercy.
I think that Crazy Taxi had a mall.
Any of these open world games that take place in the modern world probably have a mall. All of the 3D Grand Theft Autos, for example. Maybe even the 2D ones.
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Playing MORE of my Kid's Mario Maker 2 Levels – Cinemassacre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HFTaqWbP2Y
At this point, I’m convinced that James and/or his handlers are intentionally trying to destroy the channel. How else do you explain this?
He already did a video on this. It was stupid but as a one off I can overlook it.
Now he’s doing it again.
We get it. You’re proud of your children. But here’s the thing: nobody else gives a fuck about them. That’s just the reality. You can be proud of your children, you can think that they’re the smartest and most creative and most well behaved children on earth and maybe they are. But nobody fucking cares. Indeed, everybody else on earth finds this to be really, really boring and awkward.
This doesn’t just apply to Jimmy, of course. It applies to parents as a whole. Nobody wants to hear about your children. They just don’t.
MAYBE talk to other parents about this shit. Maybe they can appreciate this shit. But single men, without children, who surely make up the lionshare of the audience, don’t fucking care.
It’s like when Jimmy showed off his daughter’s four leaf clover collection to the Screenwave crew and they just looked at each other and smiled nervously. They didn’t know how to respond. They don’t have children. What would have been the appropriate response? “Oh, that’s really cool, James. Your daughter is so creative.” No. That would be weird. They don’t know your daughter and they don’t want to know your daughter.
0:00 – Hey, new haircut for Rainman. He seems to have got the sides cut pretty short. Maybe this is a test run for a number 4 all over.
So he’s going to show some levels made by his three year old daughter. “How many of these can actually be beaten?” Isn’t it all of them? Don’t you have to beat the level before you can upload it?
And I find it really hard to believe that a three year old is making Mario levels. But obviously James’ daughter is some kind of super genius. Even though James himself is…well…special.
0:15 – But first a word from our sponsor!
They’re actually sponsoring this video like anybody on earth GIVES A FUCK about this shit. Oh, I know you guys are dying to watch me play Mario levels that my three year old daughter made, but first you have to sit through a commercial for spectacles.
You know, here’s an idea: why doesn’t James play Mario levels that fans made? Wouldn’t that be a nice thing to do? Might make a nice little video. I’m sure that there are some creative people out there who are making interesting levels. Might be interesting to see how Rainman does on them.
No. Let’s just do a video where he plays levels that a three year old made. Again.
1:30 – He plays the first level. There are just a bunch of random enemies and shit polluting the level and it took him about five seconds to beat it. This level sucks ass. It looks like a three year old made it. Oh right.
2:00 – Next level. It’s edited to shit. Can we see the whole fucking level? What’s the point of this edited shit?
He continues to die over and over and over again. I refuse to believe that his three year old daughter was able to beat this level unless there’s some hidden entrance that gets you past all of this shit, and I don’t think that a three year old would be clever enough for that.
And again, don’t you have to beat the level in order to upload it? That was the case for the first Mario Maker. Maybe these aren’t uploaded.
It takes him to 7:30 before he beats it. The level is, again, really short and really shit. I didn’t watch all of this, to be honest. I got bored around the 2:15 mark so skipped ahead. But he probably played this level for at least two hours.
Where does he find the time? You can play a shitty Mario Maker level for two hours? That’s a luxury.
7:30 – He plays some other level, briefly.
8:00 – Then another level.
Oh, and these levels are all named. Are you able to read and write at the age of three? I don’t think so. I know that James’ daughter is a genius and all but…what’s the average age for learning to read and write?
It seems that 3 and a half to about 5 is when people learn to write their names. But James’ daughter named all of these levels and the spelling is perfect. She’s a real prodigy, I guess.
I’m not watching any more of this. This is fucking trash. The levels are bad. I don’t want to watch this. There’s nothing cute or funny or entertaining about this.
The comments are all about how “wholesome” this is. If James wants to play his daughter’s Mario levels and take an interest in what she’s doing, that’s great. But I don’t want to watch it. That’s fucking boring. There’s no entertainment value in that.
What’s next? Are we going to see James at his daughter’s piano recital? I don’t want to fucking watch that.
James’ JOB is to make Youtube videos. The videos are supposed to be good. They’re supposed to be entertaining. I don’t give the slightest of fucks if James is a good father or not. MAKE GOOD VIDEOS, COCK SUCKER!
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZFdeOW8QrU] -
Scaling Mountains In The Climb 2 (With my sister) – Bobdunga
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4bUORGen2Y
Another advertisement for Oculus Rift. I thought that she was done with these. She already did four of these commercials and her last one was two months ago. Oculus must just own Bobdunga outright now. She was purchased for a $299 piece of hardware.
It’s her sister playing this game. And Bobdunga is REALLY promoting this game as well. Did the makers of this game also pay for a commercial? Why else would she shill this hard for them?
I watched two minutes of this. It was just this girl playing the game, mostly in silence. The game looked like shit and she just seemed confused. It did not look fun at all.
Here are the problems with advertising VR games:
1. The games all look like shit
2. The games are all simplistic
3. You look like a complete jackass while playing themMaybe the games are cool when you’re actually playing them. That’s what people say. I don’t know. But you clearly can not appreciate them when you’re not wearing the headset.
And the target market for this shit is nerds. Do nerds want to look even nerdier? You have to be a fully committed nerd in order to get any VR shit. Any borderline nerd is going to shy away from this shit because it’s a huge commitment. If you buy any VR shit, you’re announcing to the world, “I wish to be alone forever.”
It reminds me of a documentary I saw where a guy had a bunch of high end sex dolls. They cost over $1000 each and he would buy clothes for them and shit like this. He had like six of them. It was a middle aged guy.
So he got a new girlfriend. He invites the girlfriend over to his place to look at his collection. She humours him because she’s being filmed but she’s clearly mortified. He has the dolls all nicely arranged. They’re posing in lingerie and whatnot. Needless to say, he never heard from her again.
It’s the same with VR. If you buy this shit, forget it. You’re never going on a date again.
Same with any number of nerdy hobbies. Pat “Contri” told a story about bringing a woman to his apartment, she saw the shelf upon shelf of video games, and she made her excuses and left. He never heard from her again.
Pokemon, same thing. If your home is full of Pokemon shit, forget about ever being in a relationship with a woman.
“Well, I’m going to find a nerdy woman who shares my passion for nerdy shit.”
Good luck. First of all, there aren’t many such women out there. The ratio of hardcore male nerds to hardcore female nerds must be something in the order of 100:1. At least.
Secondly, why would you even want these women? They’re nerds. Wouldn’t you prefer a non-nerd?
Finally, why would these women want you? You’re looking at a 100:1 ratio. What makes you better than the other 99% of the nerd men out there? And that’s just nerds. Why would these women even want to go out with a nerd? Just because they’re a nerd doesn’t mean they have to find another nerd.
“I’m going to be myself and if people don’t like that, to hell with them.”
It’s not going to work. You don’t have to completely make shit up, although that helps. Just don’t mention the Pokemon collection. At least not on the first date. And if she ever comes to your place, hide that shit. You’re trying to make a good impression here. Then MAYBE, after you’ve gone out for a while, you can drop hints that you’re a giant nerd. Maybe. I don’t recommend it. I say wait until you’re married and have at least two children before you mention the Pokemon collection. By then, she’s too invested.
Fucking VR. This is never going to take off. I put this alongside 3d television and the Segway. It’s a fad for lonely nerds that will never reach mainstream popularity. Who the fuck wants to flail their arms around in some stupid game where your character has his feet nailed to the ground? What’s the most popular VR game? Let me look this up.
Beat Saber. That’s a shitty rhythm game.
Star Trek: Bridge Crew. Super nerdy shit where your character doesn’t move.
Half-Life: Alyx. Rail shooter, I think.
It’s trash. I don’t want to play any of this. And two of these games are from three or four years ago. It’s not happening.
Anyway, let’s check out the comments.
– “Just a reminder, this is the 5th and final video sponsored by Oculus! Tomorrow, the documentary I’ve been working on will be available for Patrons! The video goes live on the channel Tuesday”
That was from Bobdunga. Oh. So hopefully she’s out of this indentured servitude now.
That’s it. Let’s peruse her Twitter. Maybe she talked about being “gaslighted” by that guy again.
https://twitter.com/bobdunga92/status/1373782441731710978
also, stop making threads of “unproblematic yoututbers you should watch” unfortunately, from experience, most of them have a lot of skeletons that have yet to come out. how about just stop idolizing people you dont really know?
She’s talking about that guy again. It’s deplorable. She’s mentally ill but that’s not an excuse. She has control over her actions. She can stop posting this shit.
https://twitter.com/bobdunga92/status/1373736225216020485
the last sponsored Oculus video is dropping tonight im pretty sure, i honestly cant thank them enough for the opportunity to work together 🙁 <3 its also helped tremendously in funding stuff for the documentary
Wait…so they paid her as well? I just thought that they gave her the equipment.
How much could they have possibly paid her? These videos got very few views. Who the fuck wants to watch FIVE videos on this shit? And most of them were like 15 minutes long. This last one was only seven minutes. Nobody is watching this. And certainly nobody is buying this shit as a result of her videos. I resolved never to buy any VR shit after watching her videos. Previously, I thought, “Well…maybe it’s kind of cool.” No. Nothing cool about that shit.
She also hypes this documentary A LOT on Twitter. Even if it’s good, which it won’t be, it can’t possibly live up to all of this hype. She’s been hyping this for MONTHS. It’s just about some fucking shitty Flash game that she can’t find. Or something. Who cares?
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GODZILLA vs KING KONG Movie NES, Atari, Gameboy Video Games History and Review! – The Irate Gamer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgQPSSoiwTg
What an odd title. I wasn’t even sure if this was an Irate Gamer episode but from skimming the video, it seems to be. I see video game footage, anyway.
But yeah, this bullshit where you just try to piggyback on whatever is popular at the moment…I don’t like it. Rainman did and does the same shit where he makes a video on, whatever, some licensed game to tie in with an upcoming film release of said licence. Shit like this.
I’d prefer reviews of games that aren’t based on licensed properties. But I guess that would require more creativity. And they’re just chasing money anyway. It’s not like this is a passion project. They’re desperate for clicks.
0:00 – Chris BORES playing with some disgusting King Kong and Godzilla toys. Why does King Kong have a huge wound on his arm?
Then he starts hyping the movie. Talks about how people have long wanted to see Godzilla and King Kong in the same movie.
I’m not so sure. We all surely know that King Kong is tiny in comparison to Godzilla. And we already had King Kong Vs Godzilla in 1962. It was disappointing, of course. Is it ever explained why King Kong is so huge in that movie? I should go back to that Tony from Hack the Movies Godzilla podcast to find out the answer to this, but that would be torturous so I’ll just try to DuckDuckGo it.
Fuck. There’s a lot of nerdy answers out there but nothing that I’m going to try to dig through. Let’s just press on.
2:15 – He’s doing some kind of scoring system to find out which video games are better: games featuring Godzilla or games featuring King Kong. There were two NES games featuring Godzilla but no King Kong games so James BORES gives Godzilla one point.
What? Does he want to explain this? It doesn’t make sense. Why would you get a point for that? You’re not even comparing anything. Or if you’re just going to tally up the number of games that each character has, not that that would make any sense, why doesn’t Godzilla get two points?
2:30 – He plays the Godzilla NES game that partially takes place on that hexagonal game board type thing.
By the way, could BORES have shaved before he filmed this? What the fuck is he going for here?
5:30 – “Playing as Mothra sucks crusty ball sacks.”
He’s been doing a lot of scatological “jokes” during this thing but here’s the first instance of a scatological gay sex “joke”. It’s sort of his thing. He’s gay. And likes all kinds of disgusting scat-related gay shit. So…enjoy?
6:00 – “I’m just going to come out and say it.”
Finally. You’re gay. What’s the big deal?
Oh. No, it was just a disgusting scatological “joke” about how Mothra isn’t very good in this game. Disappointing.
You know what I really hate? The repeated shots of Chris BORES pretending to play the game and getting angry. He’s frantically pressing buttons and yelling like a little kid on a sugar high. It’s just a game, BORES. Relax. We don’t need this fake shit. Just review the fucking games.
7:00 – “Fuck you, you tentacle (something, something) shit head.”
Ten bucks to whoever can decipher what he was saying here. Probably something gay.
7:15 – “Through some weird divine intervention, Mothra ends up debating the battle and lives another day.”
Debating the battle? Is that what he said? It doesn’t make sense. I’ve listened to this three times. Is it “evading”? No. It’s “debating”.
“Not sure how that happened but I’ll take it.”
There’s a time limit on these battles. After a certain amount of time has elapsed, the battle ends. It’s not hard to figure out.
8:30 – Chris BORES suggesting taping up the game’s ass and sealing it shut. Huh. There’s so much about the gay sex scene that I just don’t know about. Those gentlemen have thought of everything.
9:15 – “I’d rather take a dump in a deep fryer and watch my turds explode.”
Oh. That’s nice, Chris BORES. Maybe you can try that with your boyfriend. But can you leave this stuff out of the videos.
So we’re now ten minutes into this 22 minute video. We have A LOT of games to get through. Let me check Wikipedia.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Godzilla_games
I count 59 video games. Although, Fall Guys is one of these games so I don’t know if all of these are really Godzilla games or just have some tiny nod to Godzilla in them.
There’s no list of King Kong games but within that Godzilla list, they included about 8 King Kong games in the “related games” section.
So we have a lot of ground to cover. Is he going to go over all of these games in the next twelve minutes? Let’s find out.
10:45 – He starts on Godzilla II on the NES.
He complains about it being a strategy game and compares it to Rampart. I don’t think that that’s really accurate but I don’t know much about Rampart.
I used to play a lot of Koei games. It’s sort of like that, I guess. Or Advance Wars.
I definitely played Godzilla 2 and I liked the concept but for whatever reason, I never got into it. I didn’t care about not playing as Godzilla. It’s cool that you’re playing as the army. It’s something different.
12:30 – “What a bunch of pixels out of my ass.”
I think that he’s said something like this before but I can’t go look this up. I’ve eaten recently.
Then he complains that Godzilla is overpowered. What a fucking idiot.
There was something about the game that I didn’t like. But the idea of playing as the army against Godzilla is a good one. Obviously, a tank is going to be significantly less powerful than Godzilla. That’s where the strategy comes in. It should be an achievement to beat Godzilla. You have to wear him down but of course there will be casualities.
It’s like playing a “shmup” but you’re playing as the army of one hit death enemies taking on this ridiculously overpowered ship. There might actually be a game like that. But that would be cool.
Or Dungeon Master or whatever it is where you play as the titular dungeon master and you have to defend your dungeon against the heroes. I played that game a fair bit.
I like this sort of thing. Turn the conventions around. Do something different.
Then he gives Godzilla another point because the game is expensive. This doesn’t fucking sense. We only have nine minutes left in the video. How is he going to get through 60+ games? And what the fuck does this scoring even mean? We haven’t got to even ONE King Kong game.
God. He keeps showing these disgusting toys. Why do they have huge gaping wounds?
Then he gives a point to King Kong because the Atari cartridge is blue. Or something. He didn’t think this shit out AT ALL. Just forget the stupid scores.
Then he complains that the King Kong game is ripping off Donkey Kong. I don’t even need to comment on this.
But is the King Kong game even officially licenced? I don’t know. Maybe. Couldn’t really find any information.
15:00 – After “reviewing” that Atari game for about 30 seconds, he moves on to King Kong Lives for the Famicom.
Then he gives another point to King Kong for reasons that I can’t understand. What’s the criteria? He’s just giving one point for every game that he’s reviewing.
And this King Kong game doesn’t even look good but he’s going on about how awesome it is.
17:00 – BORES starts reviewing a Godzilla Game Boy game.
17:30 – Game Gear Godzilla game.
18:00 – Playstation Godzilla game.
So then he takes a point away from Godzilla for reasons that not even he knows.
18:45 – Then he goes BACK to the Super NES for some other Godzilla game. Why didn’t he do this in some kind of chronological order?
19:45 – Some cancelled SNES Godzilla game.
Then Godzilla gets another point. It’s just so stupid. Why did he do this? I understand that the idea is that he wants to find out who had the better games but he’s not scoring this shit in any kind of remotely sensible fashion.
20:30 – Bad animation. Bad skit. Bad acting. Bad CGI. And this is how he ends the video.
Then Bomberman gives Chris BORES a bomb so that he can defeat Mecha Chris BORES. What does Bomberman have to do with anything? It’s just so fucking stupid.
And that’s the video. Shout out to Eli Bruner for creating the Mecha Chris BORES sprite. That must have taken him a good twenty minutes to do.
– “I can honestly say the newest irate gamer episode is way better than AVGN’s newest episode.”
This person was making a joke but Chris BORES replies with, “Wow that’s quite the compliment. Many thanks!”. I’m not sure if BORES is in on the joke or not.
I mean, it’s true. I couldn’t even get through that fucking awful AVGN video. At least I was able to watch this Chris BORES video.
-
Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (second attempt)
I tried to watch this about a year ago for review purposes. As here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/05/angry-video-game-nerd-movie.html
How far did I get? Nine minutes? Oh fuck. I thought that I did better than that. I really have my work cut out for me.
Well, at least I can skip the first nine minutes. It’s just James Rolfe self-fellating himself, metaphorically speaking.
9:30 – After a kid says that “the Nerd” is the greatest person in the universe, we’re treated to a painful scene of “the Nerd” talking to his boss at the video game store. The boss is an old man who says “fuck” a lot and the acting is as poor as the writing. It’s actually painful to watch.
11:00 – Then a black guy comes into the store and “the Nerd” goes on an extended rant about poop for some unknown reason.
Also, you can see that James is really balding even in this movie. I’m talking specifically about the security camera footage. When was this released? 2014. Yeah.
Anyway, this black guy really loves that James spat on this game so he decides to buy it. EVERYBODY loves “the Nerd”, after all. So now this black guy is going to go home and try to create a “the Nerd” clone from this spit.
How many black guys do you suppose are interested in AVGN? I don’t know. Let me see if I can find footage of Jimmy Rolfe doing a panel at some nerd convention. I can scan the audience.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZUUstFtaMk
This is a Too Many Games panel from 2013, so around the time of the movie’s release. The first 45 seconds is a montage of the people waiting to get into this panel. There was one black guy. Blink and you miss him. Everyone else was white. There were a few women but I think that they were all there on “dates” with their boyfriends.
I’m not saying that there shouldn’t be black characters in the movie but it’s just not really reflective of reality, is it? Different groups of people tend to like different stuff. I don’t think that AVGN has universal appeal. This shouldn’t be shocking information. I suspect that all of these AVGN panels are real caucasian sausage fests. Unlike “Mrs Nerd”, I don’t have a problem with that but that’s the reality.
Back to this piece of shit. This black guy is having a quiet conversation with “the Nerd” about how he should review ET. And then the other black guy, the sidekick to “the Nerd” agrees. Then, within seconds, the whole store is chanting “ET”.
How did this happen? It was a quiet conversation between this guy and “the Nerd”. But now suddenly the whole stores knows about this? Why are they chanting “ET”? They don’t know the context. They didn’t hear the fucking conversation. Is this what happens? When somebody hears a chant starting, they just mindlessly join in? I guess in some respect, that’s true but not like this.
Oh yeah, and they’re doing this because everyone and I mean EVERYONE loves “the Nerd”. It’s unbelievable. Why did nobody tell Rainman to tone this down? It’s fucking ridiculous.
Then an impromtu conga line starts while the chant continues.
14:00 – We’re treated to numerous instances of James saying “buried”. Oh fuck. It’s a regional thing, I guess, but it’s annoying and I fear that this word is going to crop up repeatedly. The film involves buried copies of ET in a landfill, of course.
15:30 – So now they’re in an arcade. Wait. “The Nerd” just left his job in the middle of the shift? And this black sidekick, who I think also works there, did the same? Won’t they both be fired? Maybe this will be addressed later.
Oh, and everybody is high fiving “the Nerd” in this arcade and asking for his autograph. We all know why. Everybody on earth LOVES “the Nerd”.
It wasn’t actually an arcade. It’s a bar. But it had arcade machines in it for some reason. So people in bars all know and love “the Nerd”.
16:15 – Then a 40 year old woman asks “the Nerd” to sign her breasts. This is all that they could afford? Let me see if I can find any information on this woman. She literally must be about 40 years old.
“Barcade Babe”. That’s probably her. Jessica Rockwell. Yeah.
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2676972/
She was in a few things. Small roles over the years. They don’t list her age, though.
Not to be ageist but it just seems out of place. Why would this 40 year old woman know “the Nerd”? And want to have her breasts signed?
Anyway, the black sidekick signs them. Why would this woman think that that’s acceptable?
Wait. What? Then the black sidekick says, “She had some big ass titties. I’d like to bang that booty like (grunting noise while he dry humps the table)“
Why did I not know about this? I knew about the breast signing scene but why does nobody ever talk about this particular line? It’s ridiculously out of place. It’s also crude, disgusting, and an example horrible writing. He’s talking about anal sex for fuck’s sake.
Then James repeats that “nerds before birds” thing that we heard earlier in the movie. Somewhere in the first nine minutes. I mention it in my previous review. It’s pretty gay.
Then a red haired woman just walks over and starts talking to “the Nerd”. The black sidekick says that this is a tremendous business opportunity but I don’t know why he knows this.
17:15 – It’s Mandy. She says, “I’ve been talking with Cooper on email for so long.”
Is this how people spoke in 2013? You talked to somebody ON email? Not “via” email? I’d even accept “by” email. Or…”I’ve been emailing Cooper”. But no. Talking ON email. Who wrote this shit? Or if this was a mistake, why didn’t they do another take?
Oh. And Mandy also loves “the Nerd”. “We at (her company…I can’t understand what she’s saying) have obviously seen all of your videos. They’re brilliant.”
Then she shows him a demo of this fake ET game that her company made and she wants him to do a video on and he vomits on her. Why? The footage didn’t even look that bad. But let’s say that it’s the worst game ever made…why would he vomit? Is this a normal reaction to bad video games? I’ve never experienced this.
And the vomit is green. Is that the normal colour for anyone else? I don’t want to DuckDuckGo this.
Oh. This is a new ET game that she was showing. I thought that it was supposed to be footage of the actual Atari game.
18:45 – Then there’s a racist “joke” where the black sidekick has to be home before the street lights come on. Then they suddenly come on and a sassy old black woman starts yelling for him to come home in a very stereotypical fashion with Ebonics and profanity.
Wait. What. And then she says, “You was at the young girls’ titty bar. Didn’t I tell you to stay away from the titties.”
Am I mishearing this? The black sidekick really muddled his lines right before this, by the way. It was hard to understand. That should have been re-shot. But…what? What an insane thing to say. What an insane thing to write. Does anyone talk like this?
And why does this black sidekick have a curfew anyway? He’s an adult, right? He works. He’s able to get into bars.
19:15 – James is now asleep and dreaming about the time that he got ET for his birthday as a child.
This kid is really, really annoying. And his actions don’t match up at all with what’s happening in the game. He doesn’t even use the joystick.
This kid was played by Isaac Sherman and Noah Sherman. This was the only film that they ever did. How did these two Jewish kids get the job? Are they related to somebody involved in the movie? Did James or whoever just go to a casting agency and these are the people they sent?
Then James wakes up and there’s a really bad horror segment with jump scares and shit involving ET. Just out of nowhere.
And right after that, James wakes up in some kind of field. So…he was sleeping in a field? How did he go from talking to his black sidekick in a residential area to sleeping in a field? This must be all part of a convoluted dream sequence.
Yeah. Now he’s in a carnival and for some reason the carnival is promoting AVGN reviewing this ET game. And the people there are zombies. They start chasing him.
This is trash and doesn’t make any sense but Jimmy just wanted to make a zombie movie so he threw this in there. This is what he does. He just throws every idea he can think of into his shit projects even though it doesn’t make sense.
Then a black zombie bites him and wakes up. For real this time or are they going to do a THIRD fake wake up?
23:15 – After waking up, “the Nerd” says “I have to save the fans.”
What does this relate to? Did I miss something?
24:00 – James turns his computer on and then we cut to the black sidekick on his computer saying, “Come on, they nerfed PVP.”
Do they even know what that means? “Player versus player”, right? How can you “nerf” (downgrade) player versus player? Who the fuck was writing this? It doesn’t make sense. Why did nobody say, “Wait. Nerf PVP? That doesn’t make sense.” This was written, shot, and edited, and nobody said this in this entire process.
Then he’s talking about being “level 15” and shit. It’s like this was written by somebody who doesn’t know anything about video games. Can that be right?
It’s like these fucking sitcoms from the 80s that I reviewed where they do an episode about video games and it’s obvious that the old Jewish men writing this shit never played a video game in their lives. Did old Jewish men from the 1980s write Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie?
Oh, here’s what’s happening. This is like a parody of World of Warcraft. Kind of like that Southpark episode, minus the humour. On the black sidekick’s screen, it has modern graphics but on “the Nerd’s” computer it has like 8 bit graphics. Obviously that’s not the way that video games work but I’ll chalk this up to “humour”.
Then “the Nerd” asks to speak to the black side kick outside. And the black sidekick says, “Let me just finish this level”.
Again, did the person who wrote this know ANYTHING about video games. You don’t “finish levels” in RPGs. You gain levels. “Level” has a completely different meaning than in, for example, a platformer.
I’m at 25 minutes. I think that’s enough.
So in a year, I managed to watch 25 minutes of this piece of shit. At this rate, I should complete the movie in about four or five years.
It’s just really bad. Did anybody think that this was remotely good? They were editing this for a long time. I think that they even did some re-shooting. James must have known that this was bad and was doing what he could to turn it into something halfway decent.
This was like $500,000 and three years of his life. For this fucking piece of shit. This ridiculously self-congratulatory, horribly written, mindless, senseless, amateur bullshit.
Let’s just look at it from the point where the movie is shot and he’s editing it. He has all of this horrible footage. The movie doesn’t make any sense. It’s insanely self-aggrandising. It’s not funny. It’s not entertaining. What should he have done at this point?
I don’t know. It’s a difficult one. He already took everyone’s money. He has to release something. But if he releases this piece of shit, there goes his dream of ever making another movie.
Rainman fucked up big time. The movie is exactly the same as everything else that he’s done: a convoluted mess, full of a bunch of random ideas that don’t fit together and don’t make any sense. But on a bigger scale.
Well, at least he got to meet that MILF with the big fake tits. That’s something, I guess.
-
Leprechaun 3 is Feeling Lucky! – Talking About Tapes – Tony from Hack the Movies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVu-y8YkNnQ
Oh great. Rainman makes a virtual appearance on Talking About Tapes. Covid and all. God. I don’t recommend psychiatric help hardly ever but that guy needs immediate intervention. IT WAS ALL A BIG SCAM, JIMMY! YOU CAN COME OUT OF YOUR HOME NOW! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DROP DEAD FROM COVID!
0:00 – Ummm…Newt and his “model” ladyfriend doing some Irish stereotype thing. His ladyfriend is dressed as a “sexy” leprechaun.
Let me have a brief digression on St Patrick’s Day. I don’t give a fuck about it. I NEVER gave a fuck about it. I think as a kid we would eat corned beef on that day but I don’t know why. My parents weren’t remotely Irish.
Maybe it’s a regional thing? Maybe it’s bigger on “The East Coast” because, at least historically, there was a large Irish population. But this was in the fucking 19th century. All of these people have assimilated and inter-married.
Let me tell you what they do for Saint Patrick’s Day in England: NOTHING. It’s a fucking Irish holiday. Same thing in Scotland, although it might be more complicated because there are a fair number of people in Scotland who claim to be Irish. Similar thing as in the US. If you had an Irish grandmother or something, you might claim to be Irish. Like how Tony claims to be Italian in spite of the fact that he doesn’t speak Italian, I don’t think has ever been to Italy, and I suspect doesn’t know anything about Italy.
But anyway, all this stupid bullshit in the US like St Patrick Day parades and whatnot. Fuck off. Why not celebrate St George’s Day? Or St Andrew’s Day? It would be just as ridiculous.
You know, Ireland has one of the most liberal citizenship requirements based on ancestry. If you can you prove that you have even one grandparent who was born in Ireland, you can get citizenship. So why don’t all of these hardcore “Irish” people get Irish citizenship and move back to their homeland? Because they can’t even meet that requirement. They just have a hazy idea that some ancestor somewhere, through the ages, might have been from Ireland.
I think that Italy is even more liberal with this. If you can prove that you have ANY Italian ancestor EVER going back to the founding of Italy in 1861, you can get citizenship. I might be wrong, consult your nearest Italian embassy or consulate for further information. But Tony should get to work if he’s serious about this. He could move to Italy and get in touch with “his” people.
Anyway, oh god. I forgot that I have this piece of shit to “review”. Let’s get to it.
James is appearing sans hat. And sans hair in a can, it looks like.
3:00 – Obvious edit. I suspect that James said “yeah” or something. So they edited out the awkward transition. I think that there’s going to be a lot of this. It’s just going to be Tony talking while Rainmain thinks about poop.
And yeah, the movie is fucking stupid. I have absolutely no interests in these stupid fucking horror movies. I’m an adult.
Okay, I’m at 9:00. I’m going to have to take a break. This is boring as fuck. It’s edited to hell. James is obviously incapable of having a normal conversation so Tony is having to edit around that. It also doesn’t help that James is doing this on Zoom while cowering in his home.
But it’s not TOO bad, Tony has been able to edit James’ autism down pretty good so far, so I don’t want to give up on it right away. I’m just going to go do something more interesting for a while, maybe eat, maybe take a nap, and then come back to this bullshit.
Alright, I’m refreshed. Let’s get to it.
10:00 – Tony is talking about bad magicians and says, “I’ve seen David Copperfield live but this is like the worst magic show in existence.”
Is David Copperfield considered a bad magician? According to Wikipedia, as of 2006, he’s sold 33 million tickets and grossed over $4 billion. He must be doing something right.
11:30 – Tony starts talking about All Elite Wrestling. James has no idea what he’s talking about. And the fact that Tony is watching All Elite Wrestling says a lot about him.
I stopped watching wrestling in about 1997 when I was 18 or 19 years old. And this is back when wrestling was “good”, or at least popular.
This AEW shit is horrendous. Same with the WWE shit. It’s all choreographed and overproduced and you have these guys reading from scripts. It’s unwatchable. I have no idea who the audience. Even children wouldn’t be interested in this.
But here’s Tony yuking it up with a completely clueless James Rolfe about All Elite Wrestling.
12:15 – James asks, “Are pay per view events still like $50?”
He doesn’t have a clue. First of all, that question doesn’t follow from anything that Tony just said because James doesn’t understand what Tony is talking about. But secondly, the WWE Network effectively ended pay per views. At least for WWE. But Tony just says, “Yes, they are” and ends it. He doesn’t want to have to explain the WWE Network to James.
I guess that AEW pay per views are like $50. Can that be right? Who’s buying that?
Then James talks about how when he ordered the recent Mike Tyson fight on Pay Per View, it felt like going in a time machine. “It felt like the 80s again”. Rainman sure loves his time travel.
By the way, I tried to avoid saying this but Rainman’s hair is really distracting. His hair has receded at least to the middle of the top of his head but he has a couple of tufts of hair in the front that he tries to work with. But they don’t even cover the whole front of where a youthful hairline would be, they’re on the sides.
So yeah, I mean…When the balding in the front meets the balding in the back, as it has done with James, it’s time to shave it. Or grow the sides out and do a combover. Old school. Why not? Use a *nostalgic* hairstyle for bald men.
But yeah, then James starts talking about Las Vegas. Let’s play some cards, Rainman.
Okay, I made it to 20 minutes. That’s good enough. That’s almost halfway. This one is like 15 minutes shorter than most of their “reviews” obviously just because James has nothing to contribute. He references notes and it’s just bad. He can’t have a normal conversation.
Let me just skip around the rest. See if I stumble upon…I don’t know even know what I can stumble upon. Maybe that “model” will come in and take her top off or something.
26:00 – Nothing as “exciting” as that but Tony starts talking about those psychic hotline commercials that used to air. James has NO IDEA what he’s talking about. And then there’s a bad edit that cuts James off mid-sentence, presumably because what he said was completely idiotic.
James doesn’t remember Ms Cleo but says, “I remember late at night those infomercials would play.”
They were commercials. They were regular 30 second commercials. Maybe they also had infomercials but you’d see these commercials ALL THE TIME. How did James miss these? Daytime television. FOR YEARS. Maybe he was in school but he’s basically the same age as I am and I saw them. You could see them on the weekends or if you were sick from school or during vacation time or whatever. The whole fucking summer. James has no fucking idea.
He was too busy playing with his poop, I guess. No time for television. I have to focus all of my efforts on this piece of stool. It’s fascinating stuff.
Then Tony talks about a Ms Cleo soundboard and again, James doesn’t recognise what he’s talking about at first. But after a while he says, “Oh yeah, those soundboards. I remember that.”
Again, we’re the same age and I know exactly what these are and would be able to contribute more than, “Oh yeah, those soundboards. I remember that.”
What about the Pruane soundboard? Hey guys! Remember Pruane?
And didn’t Howard Stern have a segment where those two guys used a soundboard? There were those two guys who made prank phone calls. I think that they used soundboards in some of those. Like soundboards of other people on the show. This had to be in “the 90s” or possibly early 2000s.
Oh, I paused the video too soon. James says, “I remember the Howard Stern ones.” So great.
38:45 – Tony gives a whole long synopsis to this film and then James says, “yeah”.
42:00 – Tony starts talking about that app Peacock. James says, “Oh, okay”, clearly not knowing what this is.
I know what it is and I don’t live in the US or watch television or use any of these streaming apps.
42:15 – James says, “It’s weird. It was a year ago when we stopped filming Rental Reviews in person and it became like, ‘Okay, how are we going to continue these’ and we’ve been doing this. Here we are a year later and maybe soon, maybe soon we’ll be able to get together in person again.”
Two points arise:
1. “WE” aren’t doing anything. You (James) quit doing the show because you were fucking horrible at it and wanted to spend more time with your faeces. So Tony took this up. The show is (almost) watchable now. At least sometimes. And the key factor is that Rainman is out of there. He was AWFUL. He rarely even bothered to watch the fucking movie, he just read from notes, and he was totally incapable of having a conversation.
2. You can get together in person RIGHT NOW if you weren’t some fucking autistic lunatic who’s petrified of covid.
James’ final contribution to this video is “yeah”. Fitting.
Then we’re treated to “bonus content” of Newt and his “model” girlfriend in her “sexy” costume doing some stupid shit with Lucky Charms and a bottle of…I don’t know…whiskey, I guess.
So that was the video. It was bad. No question. But through NUMEROUS edits, Tony was able to make as much of this as humanly possible. Presumably there was a lot of pausing to give James time to think of what to say next and/or check his notes. This was all edited out. Tony probably prompted him with some questions to help and this was edited out. Shit like this.
It can only “work” as a one to one conversation. If you introduce a third person, as they often had on Rental Reviews, it’s just impossible to edit into something at all watchable. You have the two normal functioning people having a conversation and then Rainman just saying “yeah”. You can’t edit it together to make it remotely seamless. So that’s why they had to include James checking his notes and them prompting him with questions and shit like this.
Justin would speak to James like a child and this isn’t a criticism of Justin. That’s the way you have to speak to somebody like James to get him to talk. “So what did you think about the movie, James?” Shit like this. You have to expressly invite him to speak because otherwise he won’t. And even then, it will take time for him to think of something to contribute.
He’s fucking awful. This doesn’t make him a bad person. He has autism or something. I would be even worse than James at this sort of thing. But that’s why it’s important to find what you’re good at and do that. And avoid the shit that you aren’t good at. It’s not a big deal.
It’s like with Erin. I always say that she should stop making videos on video games because she’s simply not interested in this shit. And that’s okay. Make videos about Disney instead. What’s the big deal? People like videos about Disney.
Ideally, Erin should stop making videos entirely because she has absolutely no charisma. But again, that’s fine. Find what you’re good at and do it. I don’t know what that is for Erin. It’s something that she has to figure out. But making videos on Youtube is not it.
So Rainman. He likes poop. We know that. When is he going to start Rectal Reviews? He would be great at it. He has the passion, at least. Try it out. Just James talking about poop with other autistic guys. Maybe they could get that guy who says “HUGS!” from Erin’s channel. Or that mentally challenged guy who gifted Retro Ali that game. Assemble a crew. And it doesn’t matter that they don’t live in the same area because James will insist that everything be done on Zoom anyway.
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My 100,000 Subscriber Silver Play Button + my kids got one, too! – John Riggs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_xonxPQu3s
I rarely watch John Riggs’ videos but when I do, I intentionally don’t watch videos that feature his children. They’re uncomfortable as fuck. And I certainly don’t like reviewing them. It’s not his children’s fault that John Riggs is a massive creep.
But he puts them in his videos a lot. And this is like the second video I’ve seen of his that just feature his children. And it’s the second time that he’s said creepy fucking shit to his children.
I did a review of this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyMrUOOFXYw
He eats Israeli candy with his children. I never uploaded the review because I didn’t think it was appropriate. But this is now the second time that I’ve seen him behaving like this. Two times in two fucking videos.
So if you go to 1:15 of this Israeli candy video, John Riggs is encouraging his children to read the name of a candy called Tortit.
John Riggs: Do you want to read that out loud?
Son: (meekly) Tortit.
John Riggs: Excuse me?
Son: (louder) Tortit.
John Riggs: Say it like you mean it.
Son: (louder still and making boob motion with hands) Tortit!
John Riggs: What is it, Lily?
Daughter: I want to eat it.
John Riggs: She’s not going to pronounce it, she just wants to eat it.
She was obviously uncomfortable. The son was also uncomfortable.
So now we have this latest video with John Riggs and his silver play button from Youtube. He ordered two extra plaques for his children. This is going to be a “reaction” video. Trying to exploit his children for pennies again.
4:30 – He’s talking about how you can put any name you want on the plaque. So he says, “I could have changed my name to Harry Johnson” and the kids laugh nervously. He continues, “And it would have said, ‘Congratulations, Harry Johnson for passing 100,000 subscribers. I’m not going to do that.” Then his son says, “Harry Johnson”.
So once again, John Riggs making bizarre sexual comments around his children.
I don’t even know what to say. Can you at least stop this shit around your kids? He’s fucking disgusting.
It’s like he has some obsessive sexual compulsion. It’s CONSTANT with him.
And come on. This is a 45 year old fat man. He’s hardly Casanova. At his age and at his weight he probably has erectile dysfunction. Believe me, I don’t want to think about John Riggs’ penis but that’s what it’s come to.
Speaking of which, here’s a recent video where John Riggs tries to sell you a product to shave your testicles:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPc_1JKeTAE
He puts it on his face and his tongue for some bizarre reason. This is probably after he shaved his balls with it. Then he shaves a kiwi. He probably ate the kiwi after that.
In the comments, somebody says, “Well, just explained to my seven year old son what Manscaped is. He thought it was weird.”
It’s disgusting. What is wrong with these people?
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Touch of Disney Tips and Tricks! – Super Retro Gal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlgtI6n6hiw
A new video from Super Video Game Gal aka Super Retro Gal aka Super Awkward Gal. We were promised an FAQ video about Screenwave but instead we got this Disney shit.
0:15 – “So we’re here to touch Disney” and then her awkward friend awkwardly almost touches her. Covid and all. They’re social distancing. Covid is everywhere. Everyone who I’ve ever cared about has died from covid. All gone. It’s the scourge of God.
Let me first of all DuckDuckGo “touch of disney” because you just know that Super Awkward Gal isn’t going to tell us what the fuck this is. We’re just supposed to know.
Ummm…I don’t know. I found the Disneyland website and there are words on there but it doesn’t explain anything. It costs $75 per ticket, though.
What the fuck is Disney California Adventure Park? Is that Disneyland or something else? I…don’t know. Again, I looked it up but can’t decipher this shit. It’s all in the same city so it must be the same place but…it’s somehow separate? Who gives a fuck?
Anyway, Super Awkward Gal got into this thing because her friend is a “cast member”. I know what this is but it’s really sad that she uses this term.
2:30 – Oh this fucking guy…who is this. Carpetbagger something. Oh. It’s just The Carpetbagger. Anyway, she’s apparently here with this guy. Or he just happened to be walking near her. She doesn’t explain anything.
https://www.youtube.com/c/TheCarpetbagger/videos
It’s a guy who does a lot of travel videos but also a lot of Disney shit. He did videos with Adam the Woo who also does similar videos.
Wait…is this the guy? I’m not sure.
3:00 – She starts going on and on about a “Bengal barbeque kiosk”. What is this? What the fuck is “Bengal barbeque”. Can this woman explain ANYTHING?
We’re just supposed to know all of this shit. Oh right. Bengal barbeque. Makes sense.
It’s a restaurant. It’s a restaurant located in Disneland called Bengal Barbeque. Couldn’t she have explained this? Does she expect us to know every fucking restaurant in Disneyland? Because personally, I couldn’t even name one. I don’t think that I’m alone in this.
Then she starts talking about payment. You have to use a card? Or maybe the app? But what is she even talking about?
She’s talking about ordering food. I only know this because I looked in the comments and somebody was complaining that they didn’t understand what this woman was talking about. So Super Awkward Gal explained further in that comment.
It’s just so stupid. This does not make me want to go to Disneyland. Not that I ever had the desire to go anyway. I’m an adult. Even as a kid I had no desire to go. But this solidifies my resolve never to go.
4:30 – Then there’s…her husband scratched the back of the card instead of peeling…whatever it is that you’re supposed to peel. It reveals a number, I guess. So somebody replaced their cards. She describes Disney as “amazing” for doing this even though none of this makes sense. The card apparently said “scratch”, not peel. And what difference does it make anyway? What do these cards even do? What the fuck is happening?
Wait what. Is the person I thought was Carpetbagger actually her female friend? God. I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
7:00 – “The food portions were pretty big.”
She’s telling you this AFTER she ate. And she didn’t show anything. She didn’t show you the restaurant or the food or anything. This video is just about this weird card system that even in the video she says will probably be fixed by Monday. I think that she means Monday, THREE DAYS AGO. So by the time this video goes out, the problem that she’s been talking about all through this video will have been resolved.
So that’s the video. She ends it awkwardly, of course.
Let me tell you what this video was about. This is what I’ve pieced together from various sources.
Touch of Disney is a $75 ticket that gives the user admission to…somewhere. Disney California Adventure Park, maybe, which may or may not be part of Disneyland. Included in this $75 ticket is like a card that gives you $25 to use toward the purchase of any food at this park’s restaurants or kiosks.
So this video is telling you how to use this card. Basically, you need to peel the back of the card to reveal some kind of number. You CAN scratch it, as the card indicates, but you have to do so gently or else you can’t use the card. I’m not sure why. I’m going to guess because it damages the card in such a way that you can’t read the number or whatever machine that this card is fed through can’t read the number. Oh, and you have to enter the numbers on the card on to your phone via the app and then you order via the app. But not always. Sometimes you can just use the card. I don’t know.
That’s it. That’s the video. Who on earth is going to benefit from this information?
Couldn’t she have shown the fucking restaurant? Or the fucking food? Or the fucking ordering process? It’s insane.
This might be the most pointless video I’ve ever seen.
Adam the Woo leaves some comment. Nothing interesting.
Erin, oddly, did not reply. Maybe there’s a rift since Super Awkward Gal has become very anti-Screenwave. Erin is still somehow in the Screenwave camp, at least through Mike and quite possibly more directly.
But what about cash? Can you just pay with cash?
I’ve always been big on cash. I know that this makes me an out of touch old man and the young people are all about credit cards and debit cards but there are obvious privacy concerns with that.
It’s the same with store loyalty cards. The grocery store does not need to know that I live on hamburgers and Pringles. That’s my business. But people are happy to sell their data about their eating habits if it results in them getting PENNIES back. They’re selling their data for pennies.
Getting back to debit cards/credit cards versus cash, aside from the privacy concerns, cash is just the manlier option. You’re on a date, the bill arrives, what’s more impressive: daintily swiping your card on the little machine, gingerly tapping in your code, and waiting for the tiny receipt to print out; or whipping out a wad of cash?
That’s a good dating tip. Little things like this can make a difference. If you play your cards right, you might even land a babe as great as Super Awkward Gal.
