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  • I Moved to Kyoto, Japan! – KinsZilla

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgJirsIfPNE

    It’s the chubby blonde woman from Metal Jesus Rocks.  But she appears to have lost a fair amount of weight.  Good for her.

    0:00 – She moved to Japan with her husband and her cat.  I’m surprised that the cat is allowed in.  Maybe that’s a stupid thing to say.  It just seems like a giant hassle to move a pet internationally.  Do they have to be quarantined for a while afterwards?  

    Speaking of which, Kinsey had this job offer in Japan before covid.  But then covid happened and she couldn’t move.  So it’s been like three years.  That’s unfortunate timing for a “global pandemic.”  

    Is the visa even good any more?  Visas are usually for like two or three years, aren’t they?  Did she have to renew, which might be really expensive, or did they give her a free extension or what?

    0:30 – She says that border has only been closed for a year and a half.  Is that right?  Maybe it is.

    1:00 – She starts talking about what a hassle it was to bring her cat over.  So I was right.

    2:00 – Shout out to Chubby Labs, her new, weird employer.  The company is owned by a British guy and nobody there speaks Japanese.

    Then she shows a picture of her co-workers: a bunch of white guys.  This is what you want when you move to another country.  Just work with a bunch of people from your home country.

    I suppose that this is a common immigrant experience.  I worked in a place that was almost entirely people from Pakistan.  They all spoke Pakistani all day.  What a joy it was listening to that..  And I worked in a place with a lot of Polish people.  So shit like this.  These were all really rock-bottom jobs but they tended to attract immigrants from their home countries.  These immigrants don’t have the language skills to get a more mainstream job.

    And also neighbourhoods often have large concentrations of people from the same country.  I lived in a place that was mostly people from Sri Lanka, another place had a lot of Jews, another place had a lot of Muslims, another place had a lot of African/Caribbean people.  These places were all dumps of the highest magnitude but again, immigrants tend to move to places where people from their home country reside.

    I never liked this, though.  I did not move to England so that I can live with a bunch of people from Sri Lanka.  It’s ridiculous.  But this is what London is.  You walk along the street and you’ll hear every language on earth except English.  It was three years before I saw an English person.  It was at work, when I was finally able to get a halfway decent job.  I don’t know where these English people were living but it was nowhere near anywhere where I lived.

    I think that there’s also, allegedly, a small enclave of Americans somewhere in London.  But I didn’t move to London to live in fucking America Town.  If I wanted to live with Americans, I would have stayed in America.

    What is Chubby Labs anyway?  I looked this up years ago and couldn’t figure it out.

    Oh.  It’s a game publisher.  Why is this guy doing it from Japan?  Couldn’t he do this from the UK?  All of his employees speak English anyway.  And the games seem to be marketed to a Western audience.  So what’s the advantage of doing this in Japan?  

    2:45 – She says that she’s looking for an apartment but it’s difficult because she doesn’t speak Japanese.  Yeah.  I guess that it would be.  

    3:45 – She sold her and her husband’s game collection.  They couldn’t bring it with them.  Yeah.  That’s the problem.

    5:30 – She starts talking about her love for alcohol.  What the fuck.  Go talk to somebody about this.  See a doctor.  Is there a chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous in Kyoto?  Hopefully, they speak English or else you’re fucked.

    6:15 – “When I found out that I was moving here, I thought, ‘Oh, I should find some cool craft beer places that I should go to’”.

    She doesn’t even have a place to live.  She’s staying in hotels.  And the first fucking thing she does is find the nearest place to get drunk.  What is wrong with her?  How is she able to function?  

    “I’ve been there quite a few times now.”

    At the time of this video, which is from six weeks ago, she’s been in Japan for a month.  She’s been to this “craft beer” place “a few times” already.  

    Maybe get your shit together.  Maybe concentrate on finding an apartment.  Maybe learn the language.  Maybe enjoy the sights of Kyoto.

    No.  I’ll just get drunk.

    And the whole idea of people enjoying the various tastes of beers is preposterous.  It all tastes the same.  Like shit.  No beer tastes any better or worse than any other beer.

    7:30 – She’s still talking about beer.  It’s been two minutes now.  

    8:00 – She’s finally changed the subject.  Now it’s Mexican food.  She’s going to talk about the difficulties of finding Mexican food in Japan.  What the fuck.  What does she expect?  

    I enjoyed the occasional taco when I lived in the US.  However, you will not find anything even approaching authentic Mexican food anywhere in the UK.  No Mexicans living here.  

    Who gives a shit?  I enjoy the local cuisine.  There are different types of immigrants here who open restaurants.  Indians, Pakistanis, Chinese, Middle Easterners.  So these are the restaurants.  There are also some surviving restaurants owned by British people.  “Fish and chip” shops.  I’m not too into that, I don’t eat fish, but they have other stuff.  Nothing particularly good, though.

    Anyway, I don’t go looking for Mexican restaurants.  Because the ones that exist are owned by British people or non-Mexican immigrants who don’t know what they’re doing.  They’re serving wraps with a bunch of stuff in it.  They’re usually fine.  I like wraps with a bunch of stuff in it.  But it’s not Mexican food.  And I don’t give a shit.

    There’s also a Taco Bell that I go to sometimes.  I can’t compare it to the ones in the US because I never went to one in the US.  But I’m sure that compromises have been in bringing the menu over to the UK.  And that’s fine.  If I wanted the authentic American Taco Bell experience, I’d go to the US.  When you move to another country, you need to accept and enjoy the shit that’s on offer.

    8:15 – She says that she’s been to a lot of Mexican restaurants in Kyoto and they’re all good.  She’s been there a month.  Why is she eating so much Mexican food?  

    What the fuck is she doing?  If you like Seattle so much with their craft beers and Mexican food, why didn’t you stay the fuck in Seattle?  

    8:30 – Now there’s a picture of her with a “jumbo margarita”.  Go get fucking help.

    “And back to craft beer…”

    Oh fuck.  

    9:15 – “Another thing that we’ve been doing, in our short time here so far, is sightseeing.”

    Where do you have the time for this?  She’s working.  Full-time, I assume.  And every free second of her day seems to be spent in Mexican restaurants and craft beer breweries.  

    She’s talking about the cherry blossoms.  I wonder if they can be fermented.  Maybe she can try it out.  Save some money.  Ferment your own stuff in the bathtub.  But first you need to find your own place.  And I wonder if bathtubs are common in Japan or if there are just shower rooms or wet rooms.  

    10:45 – Now she’s talking about how she misses Renaissance faires.  Who the fuck…who even goes to these things?  I’ve seen the commercials.  They’re for children.  

    And they don’t really exist outside of the US.  Not in any appreciable numbers, anyway.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Renaissance_and_Medieval_fairs

    This is not authentic British entertainment.  That’s what it’s supposed to be replicating, right?  British feudal stuff with knights and whatnot?  Yeah.  It seems to be.  Well, they don’t do that shit here.  At least not since feudal times.  You’re at least 350 years too late to see that bullshit anywhere in the UK.

    Unbelievable.  Who goes to Japan and complains that they can’t go to a live theatre/restaurant experience where they loosely recreate a medieval British jousting tournament?  

    Do they serve ale at these things?  That’s probably what she’s missing most.  The authentic medieval ale.

    So that’s the video.  It doesn’t seem like she’s really embracing the culture.  Not even the alcohol culture.  Is beer popular in Japan?  She didn’t mention sake once.  

    Maybe it just takes time.  But at the moment, she’s an embarrassment to the country.

  • THOR Love and Thunder Review – Newt Wallen

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM9dbqQ7Wyo 

    I’ve already watched this.  I think that there’s a cringey Horseface reference in here.  I’m just keeping an ear open for it.

    So while this is playing, I’ll just talk about how hilarious it is that Newt calls himself “The Ideas Man”.  This guy has NO ideas.  Not one.  He’s the least creative person I’ve ever seen.  Every single idea is stolen.  Everything is plagiarised.  

    Oh, here it is:

    6:30 – “I feel like heavy is the head that wears the crown.  The realisation that Thor can’t be a boy any more.  He has to become a man and he has to be a leader of his people.  That should have been stronger.  And the idea that he finds out that — because Jane has the power of Thor now.  And all of the stuff about their breakup and all of that.  It makes perfect sense of two people drifting apart because they are not communicating with each other.  I’m a perfect fucking example of that.  I lost the love of my life, my best friend because I was too scared to talk about what was going on fucking in here and in my heart.”

    Hoo boy.  Were they even having sex?  My understanding is that Newt was paying Horseface to hang out with him.  He was also paying for sex but that was perhaps years earlier.  

    Whatever the case, even if it was a legitimate romantic relationship (which it wasn’t) GET THE FUCK OVER IT.  This was NINE MONTHS ago.  Newt can’t get over something that happened NINE MONTHS ago.  

    And it’s fucking Crystal Quin.  Forget the fact that she has the face of a horse.  That’s trivial.  And if she was a nice person, I wouldn’t mention it.  But she’s one of the most contemptable people I’ve ever known.  

    Newt can’t get over this.  Oh my muse!  How will I go on?  

    You’ve figured it out, Newt.  You figured it out straight away.  Get your wallet out and pay some other sluts to hang out with you.  This is what Newt does.  It’s the only way that he knows how to relate to women.  Find the nearest slut and give them some money.  So this is what he does with PVC Bondage Girl, Mel, and that prostitute who he’s making some “movie” with.  

    It’s pathetic.  He talks in this video about how depressed he is.  He mentions this in just about every video.  It’s not hard to see why.  He’s a complete fuck up.  

    And if it was just a matter of circumstances, somebody can’t get a job or whatever, I would be totally sympathetic.  But Newt’s failures are entirely of his own making.  He insists on making the wrong decision at every single turn.  

    He’s working at Screenwave.  He’s tasked with writing some movie reviews.  And he says, “I’ll just plagiarise these wholesale.”

    Then he refuses to admit that he did anything wrong.  He defends this plagiarism as being an efficient worker.

    So he gets a job at a cinema.  He sexually harasses the women working there.  Then he quits after like four months to pursue his idiotic dream of making movies.  You guys all want to see Shark Vampire, right?  

    He has absolutely no talent for writing.  He has no ideas.  Everything is stolen.  And this is what he pursues.  He’s going to waste all of his time and money on this obviously doomed dream.

    Loads of people have told him that his ideas are stupid.  Screenwave Media told him that his ideas were stupid.  When he went to some Hollywood movie pitch thing, the bigwigs there all told him that his ideas were stupid.  Horseface told him that his ideas were stupid.  I’ve told him that his ideas are stupid.  The only people not telling him that his ideas are stupid are the sluts who he’s paying to be in these shit projects and the creepy ladyboys on his Twitter.

    For my part, I take absolutely no joy in telling Newt that his ideas are fucking terrible.  I wish that they were good.  I wish that there was SOMETHING positive that I could say about them.  But his ideas are wholly without merit.  Shark Vampire.  Amityville Arcade.  Puppet Plan 9 from Outer Space.  There is nothing positive that I can say about any of these idiotic, stolen, plagiarised ideas.

    And forget about the ideas, he simply can’t write.  Not if his Twitter is anything to go by.  And that’s all that we have.  Where else can we see Newt’s writing?  Can we see these 100 scripts that he claims to have written?  And he shits these scripts out in two days and he mentions that as a POSITIVE thing.  

    He’s completely delusional.  

    Let’s see what the ladyboys have to say.

    – “wait youre longer working at the theater?”

    Newt replies, “No I left in june. Lot of production and writing gigs were coming up. And pay better”

    Nobody can possibly be paying Newt anything for his writing.  Show me the proof.  I want to see bank statements showing money going into Newt’s account for things that he’s written.

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1547331428219846656

    “Gotta give it up to @RobZombiefor bringing left right and center together in #America in agreement that #TheMunstersMovie trailer is fucking awful.”

    He tags Rob Zombie into this like Rob Zombie is a) going to read this; and b) gives a shit.

    And why did he hashtag “America”?  He’s a fucking moron.  Just put a hashtag in front of every single word.

    Let’s see what Horseface is up to.

    https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1545870766658539521

    Here she is at a nerd convention with some loser and she’s wearing half a top.  Oh.  How unusual.

    And that loser’s wife replies.  Not a looker.  And a giant nerd.  And her banner talks about how she’s proud to be mentally ill.  

    It’s pathetic.  Why are there never any hot, young, muscular dudes taking pictures with Horseface at these nerd conventions?  It’s always the same type: great big fat guys in their late 30s at least.  This guy at least managed to get married, albeit to a very unfortunate woman.

    We can all see what this is.  Doesn’t Horseface feel bad to shake these massive losers down for money?  That’s what all of this is about.  That’s what the nerd conventions are about, that’s what these Youtube videos are about.  It’s all about conning mentally challenged men who can’t get a date out of money.  It’s disgusting.

    https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1548366329677156357

    Here Horseface is re-tweeting a picture that says, ” life is too short to pretend you don’t like cookies and kinky shit.”

    Horseface…we don’t fucking care.  But again, she’s trying to excite the horntards into giving her money.  “I like it in the butt!  Watch my videos!”

    https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1548065371818586122

    She just posted a picture of herself in a car.  We’re supposed to be jerking off to this.

    Well, it worked on Kris Glavin.  I mentioned this guy before.  It’s some giant nerd.  Here’s his Twitter.  See for yourself.

    https://twitter.com/KrisGlavin

    So he says, “”Happy Friday gorgeous hope you have a great weekend babe” and then three kissing emojis.

    Then he immediately replies again, “So adorable and cute and sexy hunny”.

    This guy is to Horseface what Shishi is to Erin.  

    https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1545542587565723649

    Here’s another picture of Horseface in a car that was taken a week earlier.  Hey, Horseface, you want to get out of the car once in a while for these “sexy” pictures?

    And of course Kris Glavin replies.  Again, twice.  He’s just so horny he can’t contain himself and feels the need to post again.

    – “Happy Friday gorgeous hope you have a great night and weekend babe” and then three kissing emojis.  Wait…is this the same message?  No.  Well, he wrote the same exact thing but it’s to a different post.  So he wrote the same fucking thing twice.

    – “Smokeshow stunningly beautiful young lady”.

    These are some more trademarks of Kris’.  He says “smokeshow” and “young lady” a lot.  Creepy.

    Oh, we got a third response from this lunatic.  “Super model vibes baby happy Saturday babe”

    So is it Friday or Saturday?  He wrote all of these on the same day.  It was 9 July…that was a Saturday.  Maybe he just copied and pasted his kissing emoji message and forgot to change the day.

    https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1544871517716201473

    And here’s Horseface talking about how much she likes the “Pretty Poison” episode of the 1990s Batman cartoon.  She “always” “forgets” how much she likes that episode.  How can you always forget such a thing?  How often does the subject arise?

    But yeah, it’s just Horseface trying to convince the horntards that she’s a nerd just like them, so she’s attainable.  And also that she’s a hot chick like Poison Ivy.  Now give her money.

    Spending too much time with Newt has warped her idea of how socialisation is supposed to work.  People aren’t supposed to pay you for being a slut.  You’re supposed to treat people with respect and dignity and in return, people will want to spend time with you.  No money is exchanged in any of this.  Nobody is taken advantage of.  

    And fucking look at her.  These Quasimodo-looking horntards are the only possible audience who would be taken in by this shit.  The reasonably attractive retards are all giving their money to Belle Delphine or whoever.  

    Anyway, it’s all disgusting.

    ,

  • Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness on N64 (Streams 1 and 2) For real this time! – Erin Plays

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-0gvVeuIrQ

    I am not going to watch one second of the actual gameplay because I am well beyond bored of watching Erin play Castlevania games for the first and last time ever.  

    Fortunately, she time-stamped this video and she did her usual bang up job.  It’s a three hour video and it’s divided into 

    0:00 – Intro
    0:38 Stream 1
    1:11:50 Stream 2 Start
    1:12:13 Squishmallows
    1:14:05 Back to the game

    I’m only going to be watching the intro and the Squshmallows portions of the video.

    0:00 – Views must be WAY down.  Erin is showing a quarter inch of cleavage, which is the maximum amount that she can show, given what she’s working with.  

    And this intro was just done for Youtube.  It was recorded on the same day as the second stream, because she wears this top on that stream too, but this was obviously recorded after the second stream.  She basically tells you not to watch the first stream because she doesn’t know what she’s doing in the game.  How bad must this gameplay be that even Erin says that it’s unwatchable?  I refuse to find out.

    0:15 – “I tried to edit it down a bit so that it would be less annoying to watch.”

    Very misguided.  The edits turn terrible videos into unwatchable trash.  I have no idea why she does this.

    0:30 – The stream starts and Erin is wearing a Friday the 13th shirt.  I have a vague memory of Erin saying that she didn’t see any of the movies.  Maybe I’m just thinking that because that’s what Erin always says for every movie.  She’s a big Friday the 13th fan.

    Oh, and there’s a giant plush novelty behind her.  This is a 34/35 year old woman.

    0:45 – “About a year ago, I beat Castlevania 64, just regular Castlevania 64.”

    On stream for money.  As usual.  Go on.

    “I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would.  There was just that one platform.  I played as Carrie and the one platforming part with the crystals drove me fucking insane.  That was the first time in my life that I ever threw a controller.”

    Oh.  Some historical faux nerd rage.  I’m sorry that I missed this.  Because that’s what “gamers” do, right?  They throw controllers?  And Erin is a big “gamer”.  She gets very invested in the games and then becomes super angry when she doesn’t do well.  

    Anyway, fuck this shit.  I said I wasn’t going to watch this.  Let’s move on to 34/35 year old Erin talking about more plush novelties that she got.  With Mike’s money, of course.

    1:11:45 – It’s the start of the second stream and she’s talking about a previous stream.  “Remember how I said in that stream, ‘Oh, I think I’m getting sick’?  Well, I did get sick.”

    Well, what was the illness?  She doesn’t say.  She just moves on.  Maybe it was explosive diarrhoea or something.  There’s no need to be embarrassed, Erin.  It happens to everybody.

    I remember walking home from work once and I just suddenly felt ill.  Like I had to vomit.  But I was only five minutes from my home so I thought I could make it.  Spoiler: I couldn’t.  

    Then there was another time, exact same situation, but this time about poop.  I suddenly really had to go but I was five minutes from my home.  I can do this.  Keep it together.  

    It really was getting to me and I felt the need to break wind so I thought, “Well, maybe it will help.”  Turns out, this particular flatulence was more solid than normal.  Nothing crazy but…there was something back there.  Not a full on chunk but something.

    So I finally get home and I think, “I’ll just take my coat and shoes off, maybe get changed, and then I’ll go to the toilet.”  Nothing doing.  As soon as I get in the door, I have an urgent need to shit right that second.  There’s no time to mess about with taking coats off.  

    So that was that.  I had to immediately change my underpants after that due to the incident on the street.  But I wasn’t sick for either of these incidents, as far as I’m aware.  So I don’t know what it was.

    Anyway, Erin Plays.

    1:12:00 – “You guys, I got some new Squishmallows.”

    Let me look this up.  Oh, Google suggests “Why are Squishmallows so valuable?”  Maybe this is Erin’s retirement plan.  

    The link compares them to Beanie Babies.  Yeah.  There are a lot of Beanie Baby millionaires out there.  

    “The appeal can be because they’re extra cute, part of a unique set, or haven’t been produced a lot”

    Uh huh.  Sounds like a sound investment.  

    1:12:30 – “This one is a gachapon machine!”

    Oh!  You guys all know gachapon machines, right?  Erin’s viewers are mostly in Japan, I think.  Horntard hikikomori.  They have a bowl of ramen in one hand, themselves in the other, and they’re watching Erin play a game that she hates, poorly, for money.

    I read recently that that the chubby Asian woman from the Metal Jesus crew finally went to Japan.  Can that be right?  Let me check.

    https://twitter.com/KinsZilla/status/1548201950138605568

    “At the Beer Fest at Kyoto Tower today!”

    So yeah, it seems so.  It’s sad that she seems to be a raging alcoholic.  Who the fuck goes to a country and then just drinks all the time?  

    I remember reading a story in a British newspaper about people on “holiday”/vacation to Dubai complaining that alcohol wasn’t available.  This was a story in the fucking newspaper.  People were raising a stink because they couldn’t get alcohol in the Middle East.

    Why were these people surprised?  Are they not at all familiar with the religion of peace?  

    So I get to the comments and I’m thinking, “Man, these people are going to tear the author of this article a new asshole.”

    No.  Everybody was in full agreement that it’s outrageous that people visiting Dubai were denied their right to drink alcohol.

    Hey, you fucking morons, there’s more to do than sit in a dank tavern and get blind drunk.  Maybe check out the sights?  Maybe see how people live?  

    No.  We just want to get drunk.  You could have stayed home and got drunk in your underpants.  Why the fuck would you go all the way to Dubai for this?  

    So anyway, Kinsey.  She’s CONSTANTLY talking about drinking.  Fucking do something else.  You’re wasting your life with the devil’s brew.

    Just look at her fucking Twitter.  I’ve barely scrolled down and I’ve already found three tweets about her drinking alcohol.  It’s pathetic.

    Anyway, back to Erin who may or may not be an alcoholic.  Maybe alcohol would actually help with Erin’s videos.  Help give her some personality.  Or maybe it’s the viewers who should be intoxicated in order to get through this shit.

    So Erin is showing the “gachapon” toy.  “She’s so cute”.  That’s a direct quote.  That’s fascinating stuff.

    “She’ll give you a toy…like in Kirby!”

    Oh!  Erin is going to namecheck a game that she recently played, on stream, for money.  How unusual.  She never does that.

    1:13:00 – “They always have weird names, like human names.  Like her name is Maylene.  I’m probably going to name her something else.”

    What’s your name idea?  Don’t leave us in suspense.  I want to hear all of Erin’s riveting name choices.  Each one more riveting than the last.

    No.  She doesn’t say.  

    Then she mentions other toys in this line but says, “These two captured my heart.”

    She really loves heart-based expressions.  Like she used to say, “It’s where my heart is” CONSTANTLY.  There was a period where she couldn’t stop saying this.  She’d play a game once, on stream, for money, and then say, “It’s where my heart is.”  And then never play the game again.

    1:13:15 – “This one, you’re going to know why I bought this one.  Vector graphics boy.”

    She’s a big Vectrex fan, guys.  She played it once, on stream, for money, and then never again.

    1:13:30 – “I was like, ‘Oh my god.  He’s so cute’”.

    Oh.  That’s very interesting, Erin.  I’m at the edge of my fucking seat here.  Tell us more things which you find cute.  

    Then she reads the tag.  The tag gives you a little backstory about the character.  This is just top tier material.  This is what Twitch was made for.  

    She’s still reading the tag.  “‘Are you ready to go back in time Aiden?’  Yeah.  He’s part of our squad.”

    What squad would that be?  The unemployed fraudster squad?  

    So that’s Erin pretending to be interested in toys based on video game shit.  Then she plays a game from 30 years ago and pretends to be interested in that.  

    Let’s check out the comments.

    Nothing interesting.  Much like the lady herself.

  • Minecraft with Gadget – Mike Matei

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TZcW8wmmo4 

    I’m sure that most everybody reading this is familiar with this video.  When James Rolfe was making the abortion that is The Angry Video Game Nerd Movie, Mike was tasked with creating original content for the channel.  Actually, Mike owned the channel so this was his responsibility.  He couldn’t rely on his autistic friend to keep working on videos.

    The only two videos that anybody remembers are the one where he reviewed an Elmo video and this Inspector Gadget video. 

    The genesis of the Inspector Gadget video was a video that Mike made with Jimmy wherein they “reviewed” a DVD menu for a Super Mario Bros cartoon.  As here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzK00wW1G1o

    For some odd reason, Inspector Gadget was in the DVD menu.  It’s a DVD for children and Inspector Gadget instructs the viewer how to navigate the menus.  Both the Super Mario Cartoon and Inspector Gadget are/were owned by Dic so that’s the connection.

    So Mike makes some dumb half-jokes about buttons and does impressions of Inspector Gadget.  “Move the glow around my asshole” is the most well known quote from this.

    James then goes to Hollywood to make motion pictures and Mike makes this Minecraft with Gadget video.  I linked to it at the very top.

    People immediately talked about how stupid the video is so Mike took it down and tried to hide it.  Subsequently, it became hit with people “ironically” appreciating it and now I think that people genuinely like it.

    I never saw what the big deal was in the first place.  The video is stupid, of course, but there’s some funny stuff in it.  

    I think that the problem is that people were just outraged that anybody but James was releasing videos on the channel.  A lot of people have this weird, homosexual obsession with James Rolfe and if anybody other than James appears on the channel, they get upset.  You see this with the “guest stars” in the AVGN videos, you see it with Screenwave, and you see it with the videos that Mike made.

    “Brown bricks” became the main “meme” from this.  I have no idea why this is funny.  Mike said “brown bricks” in the video a few times.  I don’t really understand why he refers to these blocks as “brown bricks” but he’s imitating the repetition that Inspector Gadget exhibits in the DVD menu.  Why did this become a “meme”?  How is it funny?  Why would people repeat this “joke” for the next decade?  

    Years later, in 2019, Cyber8 made a parody video.  As here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVjpQC8HnG8

    Cyber8 is a Polish guy who makes 3-d animated cartoons.  He seems to be a really troubled fellow.  None of his videos are funny.  Some of them are disturbing.  It’s just edgy, adolescent bullshit.  Jimmy Neutron raping and killing the other characters on the show.  Shit like this.

    But the Inspector Faget video is hilarious.  There’s still some weird bullshit in there but overall, it’s great.  I must have watched it fifty times over the years.  It’s Cyber8’s magnum opus.

    I also enjoy this video:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQHByBAaux8

    It’s some kid singing the Inspector Gadget theme song but he changed the words to make them more homosexual.  “Cram it it my ass, Inspector Faggot” is the refrain.  He really gets into it.  It’s always funny.

    Anyway, Inspector Gadget.  I watched it as a kid but I only have hazy memories of it.  I must have been nine or ten years old, I guess.  I remember the theme song.  I remember the cat.  I remember it being on Nickelodeon.  And that’s it.  

    The Dic production company was also controversial on the playground.  “They actually say ‘Dic’!”  They really should have re-branded that company for the US market.  It’s a French company.  

  • SupaPixelGirl has a New Name

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vly00Kjp2NI

    Say hello to Supa_XO.

    She changed her name and closed a bunch of her old accounts not long after I wrote this:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/05/supapixelgirl-aka-supanostalgic-aka.html

    I just advertised her Discord.  What’s the problem?  But this is what she does.  She constantly changes her name.  She’s on the run from…something.  Her own mental illness, I think.

    Oh, here’s her new Link Tree.  Get in fast because she’ll change it soon.

    https://linktr.ee/supa_xo

    Her Discord is still there.  It still has the same insane rules.  She also gives her new links for Twitter and Instagram and whatnot.  Her Twitter is protected.  Only approved followers can see her no doubt fascinating musings.  Also on Discord, she encourages you to DM her if you’re looking for “something else.”  So I suspect that she still has an OnlyFans.  

    She’s also uploading shit to Youtube again.  I’ve linked to her latest video at the top.  She’s playing Final Fantasy Adventure.  Oh great.  That was one of my favourite Game Boy games as a kid.  I beat the game many times.  I’m a pro.  Let’s see what SupaMentallyIll has to say about it.

    0:00 – God, this voice.  

    0:45 – “Ohhhhhh.  So you’ll notice that my controller is a little crazy?”

    The controller isn’t the only thing that’s crazy here.  And there’s that awful upward inflection at the end of every sentence.  Where is she from?  I think Seattle or this area.  Is this how people there speak or is this just her crazy thing?

    “Please enjoy my voice acting breathlessness.”

    I couldn’t quite make out the last word.  But yeah.  She’s painful to listen to.

    Should I comment on Supa_XO’s weight?  It’s a thorny issue, isn’t it?  On the one hand, she’s historically presented herself as a sex symbol.  And I’m pretty sure that she still has some secret OnlyFans.

    But on the other hand, she’s not currently and actively presenting herself as a sex symbol.  Not that I can see, anyway.  

    Plus, there might be a medical explanation for this.  She might be taking some anti-psychotic type medication that causes weight gain.  I don’t want to discourage Supa_XO from taking any such medication.

    So it’s probably best not to mention her weight.

    Oh god.  Then she reads the intro in a weird “sexy” voice.  What.  The.  Fuck.  I’m getting uncomfortable here . This screams mental illness.

    This is taken from a Twitch stream.  I think.  Because she’s at the name entry screen and she says, “What should we name him, guys?”  Maybe she’s just talking to the voices in her head.

    I should mention that this is somebody who, allegedly, has some kind of graduate degree in psychology or psychiatry.  The last I heard is that she moved to…was it Boston?  I don’t know.  I’m thinking either Boston or like Maryland.  Around there.  “The East Coast” in any event.  And she moved there because she either had a job lined up or was going to look for work.  Work as a psychiatrist or psychologist.  

    That was the last I heard of this.  This was like three years ago.  Maybe longer.  Did she ever get a job?  I don’t think so.  Would you go to this lunatic for help with any issues you may have?  Fuck no.  You don’t want your therapist to be crazier than you are.  And she is fucking off the charts.  She’s cartoonishly mentally ill.  Like in that short where Elmer Fudd or whoever thinks that he’s Napoleon.

    1:45 – “We can name him….ummmm….Stud?  I’m trying to imagine — that’s one of the fun things about pixel games, right, is we get to imagine what our hero might look like?”

    Oh my god.  Go jerk off, you lunatic.  If you’re getting sexually excited over Final Fantasy Adventure, there’s something deeply wrong with you.  

    And her name is fucking idiotic.  Why not just a very masculine name?  Some sort of Nordic name?  Magnus or something.  Well, I suppose that Supa_XO likes the “chocolate” men.  So pick a very “chocolate” name.  Shaka.  Tyrone.  Come on.  Get a fucking imagination.

    What if it was a guy doing this.  “I’m going to call my character BigTits”.  He would be declared the biggest fucking loser on earth.  

    But…well, I was going to suggest that it’s okay that SupaLunatic is doing it but I don’t think that people do find this okay.  I think that most people are with me on this one.  They would watch this video, see her idiotic name of “Stud”, and say, “This woman is fucking pathetic.”  It’s the only possibly conclusion that anyone can reach.

    By the way, I’m genuinely not sure if this is being done on stream or not.  She’s talking to…somebody but she never looks at the chat, assuming that there is a chat.  I’m thinking that she’s actually just talking to herself.  The voices in her head.

    3:00 – And then she names the girl “Supa”.

    So…god, this is pathetic.  The only saving grace is that I don’t think that the girl features much in the game.  I think she’s just the person you have to save.

    She says that she couldn’t get past this “boss battle” as a kid.  Unbelievable.  The game starts you off at a “boss battle” but literally all you have to do is stand there and mash the attack button.  You won’t get hit once.  You only get hit if you move up.  She couldn’t get past this?  The first fucking enemy in the game?  What a gamer!

    3:15 – Then there’s some insane editing.  And SupaLunatic is running all over the screen trying and failing to hit this character.

    It’s literally as I described.  All you have to do is stand in the place where the game starts you off and mash the attack button.  

    “I can’t tell if I’m hitting him or not.”

    Oh my god.  He’ll flash when you hit him.  He’s not flashing, ergo, you’re not hitting him.  She doesn’t know this?  Well, she never got past this enemy before.

    3:30 – More insane editing and she says “For fuck’s sake” like she’s possessed by demons.

    She manages to kill the enemy, apparently for the first time in her life, and then reads the text…like a crazy person.  

    4:15 – There’s a character called Willy and she finds this hilarious.

    5:00 – More insane editing.  She gets to the next screen, there’s a female NPC, and she zooms in and plays a sound of a guy saying, “Hello, sweetheart.”

    Oh my god.  And there’s more editing where some guy makes a bunch of weird sexual comments to this NPC.  Who’s saying this?  Who’s the guy who she got to record these insane comments?  Some horntard?  Her “chocolate” boyfriend?  

    6:00 – She has to fight this “boss” again.  She’s surprised by this.

    It’s just unfathomable to me that she would have this game as a child and not be able to beat the first enemy.  She must have put absolutely not time whatsoever into this.  The first time you play the game, you might die on this boss.  After that, you figure it out.  You just have to stand there.  It’s easy.

    6:15 – More insane editing.  The horntard or whoever says, “Come on motherfucker, come on.”

    Maybe these are voice samples from a movie or something.  I don’t know what would be more insane.  Searching for the appropriate voice samples or having some horntard record this shit.

    6:45 – She inserts insane laughter.  

    Does she not realise that these edits do not come off as funny?  They come off as insane.  Why doesn’t she get this?  

    7:45 – She waits for a meter to fill up, thinking that it will give her some health back.  Spoiler: it won’t.  Then she says, “I should probably put some makeup on because I’m showing my face” and she starts putting eye makeup on.

    “I have such dark circles, you guys.  It’s because I don’t get enough sleep.”

    The voices keep her up at night.

    “Doesn’t it look better?  At least I look a little more awake for you guys.”

    Again, I don’t think that she’s streaming this.  She never reads from the chat.  She never looks at the chat.  This is just her talking to the voices in her head.

    8:15 – “The things I try to do to look nice for you guys, I swear, and nobody cares.  I’ll just comments either saying that I’m a whore or that I’m ugly.”

    The two aren’t mutual exclusive but no.  But we don’t need to focus on the physical.  It’s the mental stuff that she really, really needs to pay attention to.  She needs urgent help.

    9:45 – There’s an obviously scripted scene where she gets pushed off a cliff and she thinks that she’s going to die.

    She doesn’t die, of course, and then she starts farming enemies for health.  Instead of just moving forward like a normal person.  There’s obviously a village or something nearby where you can get your health back.  Clearly, the game doesn’t expect you to farm for health on the first fucking screen.

    11:15 – “Guys, let me focus on this and I will come back when I level up.”

    I was right.  She’s not streaming this.  This is all for a Youtube video.  There’s nobody watching this live.  

    11:30 – So she levels up and you can choose what area to increase your stats.  And she says, “Because he’s a stud, let’s go with power.”

    This is just…let’s move on.

    14:15 – She rescued “Supa” and doesn’t know what the character does.  Can’t figure it out.  I think when you click “ask”, you get healed.  She didn’t bother to check.

    15:30 – She finally figured it out.

    16:00 – She died by taking on enemies that were obviously too powerful and attacking them in the dumbest possible way.  What a gamer!

    16:30 – She restores her save and then asks to be healed.  She reads the text in a sexual fashion, “Let me treat your wounds, Stud” and then says, “Oh my gosh.  Can I not be horny?”

    She needs urgent psychiatric care.

    “In my head, Stud is this, like, handsome knight.  You know?”  Then an edit where she shows a picture from some movie or something and the words, “He looks like Pedro I’ve decided…for obvious reasons.”

    I don’t know who this is and it doesn’t matter.  

    Oh, it’s some Star Wars thing because then she shows a “meme” of a woman touching Boba Fett and she put the word “me” over the woman’s face.

    This is really making me feel nauseous now.  There are only like eight minutes to go, though.  I want to finish this.  And it’s a rare time when I actually know the game.  But her mental illness is just…it makes it so painful to watch these videos.

    17:45 – “How does my HP have 10?”

    Because you got hit multiple times.

    Then she goes to a town, buys a helmet, and saves the game.  That’s the video.

    Holy shit.  This is the kind of content I’d like to see on a regular basis.  It was crazy as fuck, no doubt about it, but it gives you something to talk about.  This is why I liked Pelvic Gamer.  She used to do completely batshit crazy things like wear a toddler’s train outfit and pretend that the front of the costume was a giant penis.  Or she’d dress up as a man and say that she was going to seduce herself.  Or she would talk about her fondness for eating ass.

    Bobdunga was another one.  She’d put a onsie on and do a weird dance.  Or she would give relationship advice under the guise of Saint Dungalous.  Whatever.  Shit like this.  Crazy stuff.

    Neither of those ladies do that stuff any more.  Now they’re BORING AS FUCK.  I say bring back the crazy.

    Supa_XO has craziness in abundance.  It’s nothing but craziness.  If she’d post regularly, she’d be the whole focus of the blog.  

    But alas, Supa_XO is an elusive woman.  As soon as you figure out her new username, she’s changed it again and taken down all of the old videos.  So even though there’s a part 2 to this playthrough, I’ll probably never get to it.  As soon as she sees this, she’s going to disappear and delete everything again.

    And how many people read this blog?  I’ll say 100.  She keeps changing her username and deleting her videos over a blog that maybe 100 people read.  It’s hilarious, it’s sad, and it’s crazy.

    Fortunately, Newt is still bringing the crazy.  And there’s Horseface McGee.  Even Erin and Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining bring their own sort of craziness.  And Tony from Hack the Movies.  

    Everybody has their own eccentricities.  I do as well.  Writing a blog like this probably isn’t something that a completely healthy person would do.  So Supa_XO shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed or anything like this.  She’s putting out videos, she’s doing her thing, I say keep at it.  Don’t let some guy with a blog stop you from enjoying your life.

    ,

  • WTF Wednesday Review: Cannibal Ferox (Make Them Die Slowly) – Newt Wallen and PVC Bondage Girl

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCOdwjoH8OI 

    The triumphant return of PVC Bondage Girl aka Metz.  She really could have toned down on the makeup.  And put some clothes on.  This is worse than anything that I’ve seen Horseface wear.  She’s wearing a bra for fuck’s sake.  And a dog collar and a bunch of weird necklaces.  This is not a good look.  

    I like PVC Bondage Girl looking a little more elegant.  Not fucking…whatever this is.  Even the titular PVC bondage gear that inspired her name was classier than this shit.  And it was more flattering.  

    She doesn’t have to look like some goth prostitute.  Who would dress up like this, look in a mirror, and say, “Looking good.  I’m ready for my closeup, Mr Wallen.  When do we become big Youtube superstars?”?  It’s ridiculous.

    This is a reasonably attractive woman, maybe a 5/10.  She has hair down to her ass, which is unusual.  Why not focus on the hair?  Do something with that.  A giant braid, for example.  Then you don’t have to do all of the weird shit.  Or at least tone the weird shit down.  You can still wear black, you can still wear some makeup, but not this fucking freak show shit.  

    Anyway, on to the video.  Thirty-two fucking minutes.  Well…let’s see how far I can manage.

    0:00 – Newt rushes to his chair for some reason, Metz swears her allegiance to Satan, and I’m just thinking, “Never in a million years would I want to sit in this chair after PVC Bondage Girl has been sitting in it, dressed as she is.”  They’re in some movie theatre, presumably the one that Newt used to work at and Metz still works at.  But it’s fucking gross.  

    I’m trying to be as tactful as possible.  I’m sure that Metz is a nice woman.  She’s just misguided.  She’s looking for attention.  She’s hanging out with this fucking creep Newt Wallen.  She really got into the goth stuff because she thinks that this looks good.  Whatever.  Who cares if I find this attractive or not.

    But think of the customers.  She’s wearing a fucking bra.  We can’t see what she’s wearing on the bottom but I suspect that it’s not much.  This is not good promotion for the cinema.  I’m not saying that Metz is a diseased prostitute but that’s what she looks like.  And I don’t want to sit somewhere after some diseased prostitute was just rubbing her nearly bare ass on the seat.  I don’t want to patron a cinema where diseased prostitutes are not only rubbing their asses on the seats but they’re WORKING there.  

    I’m at the four minute mark.  Mostly, it was just PVC Bondage Girl looking at herself in the camera…whatever it is…where you can see yourself in the camera, and she keeps trying to sit up straighter so that her tits are in frame.

    Also, Newt said that he was having a bad week so wanted to hang out with his friend.  He’s talking about PVC Bondage Girl and recording this video.  Please everybody feel sorry for Newt.

    6:30 – Newt says that he just wants to see, “The chick suspended by her titties.”

    He’s just so completely vile.  Why does he have to constantly say these things?  And he’s doing this in a misguided attempt to try to get something going with PVC Bondage Girl.  And PVC Bondage Girl probably isn’t too selective anyway.  Newt doesn’t have to try.  But why try with his gross shit?  

    6:45 – Newt says that he saw this movie with Justin Silverman.  

    9:15 – Newt quotes from the movie wherein a character refers to another character as, “Hot pussy little whore”.

    Again, he’s trying to get something going with PVC Bondage Girl with this degenerate bullshit.  Why does he think that this is acceptable?  

    Then he talks in detail about other degrading scenes that he enjoyed.  I don’t get it.

    Why release a video like this?  Why even talk to somebody like this to begin with?  I’m not some woke homosexual but this is not the way that men pick up chicks.  “You’re a filthy whore.  Want to come back to my place and I’ll fuck you up the ass?”  It doesn’t work.  Especially when you’re Newt Wallen.  Even if it worked, it’s not healthy.  Doesn’t PVC Bondage Girl deserve better than this?  These constant disgusting, degrading comments about women.  Go fucking jerk off, you faggot.

    And then PVC Bondage Girl just has to go with it because this is her boss or former boss and she’s trying to be in his shitty Youtube videos.  “Oh, yeah.  I like movies where women are the victims of violent, torturous, sexual assaults too!  That’s my thing!  Can I just wear a bra in your next video?”  

    It’s even more unfortunate because PVC Bondage Girl seems like an intelligent, well-spoken woman.  And she’s spending time with this creepy old loser Newt Wallen.  And dressing like a prostitute.  

    27:45 – PVC Bondage Girl talks about this disgusting scene involving tits and in doing so, gropes her own boobs.  Then Newt looks excited.

    Then PVC Bondage Girl says that she likes…”hook stuff” and wants to…either be suspended by hooks herself or suspend other people by hooks.  I’m not sure which.  This is not a healthy woman, in case it wasn’t obvious by what she’s wearing.

    31:00 – PVC Bondage Girl repeatedly bounces up and down.  She’s obviously trying to excite the horntards but…it’s not tossing my salad. 

    So that’s the video.  It was mostly PVC Bondage Girl summarising this disgusting movie.

    In the comments, Metz links to a Schlock and Awe Discord.

    https://discord.com/invite/4cbMUkd8xf

    This seems to have been set up by Metz. 

    Nothing interesting on here.  Some Florida Man Saves Christmas art.  Newt says that he wrote 80 pages of some shitty OnlyFans tits and gore script for a movie that will never get made.  He wrote that in three days.

    Unbelievable.  Newt posts a screenshot of when he reached 8,000 subscribers.  Just like how he did on Twitter.  NOBODY CARES, NEWT!

    Oh, and PVC Bondage Girl implores the reader to suggest “fucked up movies” to review.  That seems to be what this is.  PVC Bondage Girl will be the go-to person for extreme tits and gore bullshit.  There’s no market for this.  

    A horntard in the comments says that he loves extreme tits and gore but not animal abuse.  Metz replies:

    “I feel that, my friends and family are split between “creeped out” and “cool with it but don’t watch these movies so there isn’t really much conversation”. Aside from Newt, obviously 😁My dad’s a veterinarian so strong agree on the animal cruelty. It upsets me even when I know it’s fake, so knowing it’s real messes with me a lot. I remember going out of my way to research protections animals have in movies so I could make sure what I was watching was fake.”

    What the hell happened that her father’s a veterinarian and she’s doing this?  I don’t really mean working in a movie theatre, although that too, but the whole fucked up situation with creepy old Newt and dressing like a prostitute and whatnot.  

    In one of the comments, Newt confirms that he’s no longer working at the cinema.

    Anyway, that’s…you know what I’m reminded of?  When this whole thing started with Newt getting fired, I was a big Newt Wallen supporter.  Who gives a shit if he plagiarised?  

    But the more I learned about Newt, the more I disliked him.  

    I’m getting the same feeling with PVC Bondage Girl.  At first I was thinking that she should be in more videos.  But the more I find out about her, the more off-putting she becomes.  

    ,

  • Talking About Newt

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1546645360826892288

    He’s up to 8,000 subscribers on Youtube.  Good for you, Newt.  You’re a real superstar.  Can you maybe stop these subscriber enumerations, though?  Nobody gives a shit.

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1546156581343076352

    Oh my god.  Then in the above link, which is older than the first one, Newt says that he only needs 45 subscribers to get to 8,000.  Then he re-tweets a few people who re-tweeted this message.  NOBODY GIVES A SHIT, NEWT.  STOP THIS.

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1546145460825505793

    Here we go.  Here’s the content that we want to see.  Newt was at something called VHS Fest recently and he took a picture of himself with Florida Man Saves Christmas and a couple of young ladies dressed like skanks from the 1980s.  Newt always seems to find the ladies.  And pays them.

    Then in the comments, Newt says that the comic will be available to the public in OCTOBER.  This is like six months later than he initially said.  We want the fucking comic, Newt.  Can I at least get a review copy?  I’m the only member of the press covering Newt Wallen.

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1545897678256709637

    Here’s another picture of Newt with some “sexy” ladies.  There’s a woman carrying a fucking beach umbrella when there’s not a drop of rain in sight.  This is to protect her from the sun?  Is this what we’re supposed to believe?  Couldn’t she find a smaller umbrella?  Or get a hat?  Or use sunscreen?  Or any combination?  

    No.  She wants all of the attention with her giant umbrella.  In a crowded area.  

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1545745905172758537

    “Okay. Movie idea. #80s style slasher where @RealCarrotTopstalks and kills young cringy comedians with various #comedy props at a shady improv retreat “SCARot Top” what do you think Hollywood”

    He gives a shit movie idea about Carrot Top and he tags Carrot Top into the tweet.  Like Carrot Top is going to give a shit.  Carrot Top might not be as popular today as he was in the 1990s, but he’s nowhere near hungry enough to entertain The Ideas Man and his rock bottom movie ideas.  

    Newt doesn’t even have a script, but I guess that he can shit something out in two days.  All that he has is an idea (tits and gore with Carrot Top) and a name: “SCARot Top”.  It’s not even funny.  And wouldn’t that be pronounced “scar-ot” as in the word “scar”?  So the title doesn’t even work.  

    Oh, he actually addresses this in the comments.  “Should be SCAREot Top. Damn autocorrect.”

    That doesn’t work either.  The “eo” combination doesn’t…work like that.  Maybe “SCARE-ot Top”.  But nobody is going to fucking do this anyway.  

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1544876031995248642

    #theflintstones movie is bizarre. Fantastic set design. Awful story. Great casting except for Rosie. @halleberryas #sharonstone The boss from #LawAndOrderSVU as Mr Slate. #SamRaimi cameo. And a #richardmoll #elizabethtaylor #irwinkeyes congo line ? #the90s

    Why does he always put so many hashtags in?  It’s annoying.  NOBODY is going to his tweets based on these fucking hashtags.  “Oh, I’m going to to search for “#comedy” and see what comes up.  Newt Wallen?  Sounds interesting.”

    And he tags Halle Berry into this stupid shit like she’s going to read this and fall in love with him and be his new muse.

    And why is he even talking about The Flintstones Movie?  He had nothing to say about it.  “Good set, good casting, bad script.”  Riveting stuff, Newt.  Maybe if he didn’t cram ten hashtags in there, he could have expanded on his opinions a little.

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1544726476783853570

    “Hate all you want on @ThatKevinSmithI am excited for #clerks3 and a trip back to #quickstop. I was in 5th grade in 93. I read an article about this guy in my home state who made a flick. And it made me think it was possible #indiefilm”

    He tags Kevin Smith into this inane tweet.  What is he expecting to happen with any of this?  He’s completely delusional.

    https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1544644800808423426

    “Tonight Metz joins me for a review of #cannibalFerox https://youtu.be/wCOdwjoH8OI”

    Oh my god.  How did I miss this?  By not watching Newt’s boring as fuck videos, I guess.  This is PVC Bondage Girl.  I’ll have to do a separate article on this.  What the fuck is she wearing?  Holy shit.  

  • Five BAD Games from Ocean Software – Erin Plays

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tcHyC7Som4

    Another desperate video from Erin.  She’s using the “Five Bad Games” thing again that I guess was the title for an early AVGN video.  I don’t even know.  Erin certainly doesn’t know.  Mike must have given her this idea.  And she’s used this before.  Blatantly.  

    But the first thing I noticed first was the description.  “And if you like the shirt I’m wearing in this video, check out (website)!  Get 15% off of your purchase by using my link or using promocode (promo code)”

    What a shill.  She must be making pennies off of this shit.  Why bother?  

    It’s like if I were to monetise the blog.  I’d get like five bucks a month.  It’s not worth the hassle.  Plus, there would be a banner ad on the site, I assume.  For five bucks a month?  Fuck off.  

    But Erin needs these pennies.  Apparently.  If she needs money, why doesn’t she just get a job like a normal person?  She would make WAY more money if she did that.  Even if it was minimum wage.  Whatever.  Let’s check it out.

    0:00 – Oh, new intro.  It’s that stripped down disc that she inexplicably put on her t-shirt in the “merch” store.  Mike was wearing a t-shirt with this disc on it in the latest Talking About Games or whatever.  

    I subsequently learned that this is a Famicom disc.  I guess.  I don’t know.  But why would Erin use this as her logo?  Has she ever played a Famicom game in her life?  It makes no sense.  

    “Talking about bad video games is always entertaining.”

    But never when it’s Erin doing the talking.  What a fucking shit intro.  

    So she’s focusing on games from Ocean.  You guys are all familiar with the Ocean library of games, right?  Sure, everybody is.  We’re all hardcore retro gamers here who know every game released by every developer.  And nobody is a more hardcore retro gamer than Erin Plays.

    It’s fucking preposterous.  She doesn’t know any of these games.  She either went to Wikipedia or Mike told her five games to do a video on.  

    I can’t think of a single game by Ocean.  I’ve seen the logo but I couldn’t tell you any Ocean games.  I think that this is the normal experience of a normal person who played video games in the 1990s.  But Erin thinks that we all know about Ocean and she’s pretending that she knows all about Ocean too.

    0:15 – Literally, Wikipedia dot com.  She’s just reading from Wikipedia now.  Talking about Ocean Software.  

    0:30 – “Let’s kick things off with the hot mess that is Platoon.”

    She’s never played it before.  Neither have I.  This is pathetic.

    She made like two complaints about the game, both issues that Mike has raised numerous times.  Did he write this thing?  

    1:45 – Robocop 2.  I’m pretty sure that Mike played both this game and Platoon fairly recently, on stream, for money.  What a coincidence.

    I’m pretty sure that Mike did all of the footage for this game too.  This doesn’t look like Erin’s usual quality of gameplay.  Plus, she has carpal tunnel syndrome.  She can’t play games any more.

    3:00 – Erin claims that she looked up a playthrough while playing this game.  Sure you did, Erin.  She’s a real World of Longplays enthusiast.  She’s constantly on GameFaqs dot com pouring through the walkthroughs.  

    3:30 – “Okay, so I have a lot to say about this one” and then the McDonalds logo appears.  Erin is a big McDonald’s fan, guys!

    She’s regularly demonstrated her complete lack of knowledge about anything to do with the McDonaldland characters.  I don’t even want to get into it.  Just take my word for it.  She knows as much about shitty McDonald’s advertisements as she does about video games.

    “Before we get into the game, does anybody else remember the absolutely aggressive marketing campaign this movie had?”

    What movie?  She hasn’t mentioned what she’s talking about yet.  Great editing, Erin.  

    Then there’s a clip from The Flintstones Movie.  So I guess that that’s the movie that she’s talking about.  Maybe she could have mentioned this at the beginning.

    “I never ended up seeing the movie.”

    Holy shit.  You don’t say.  It’s constant with Erin.  She’s never seen or done ANYTHING.  So why talk about it?  Why have a channel if you don’t know anything about anything?  

    By the way, I don’t remember seeing a single ad for this movie, McDonald’s or otherwise.  But Erin claims that the ads were everywhere.  They somehow passed me by.  Or just weren’t memorable.

    There is absolutely no way that this is Erin playing the game, by the way.  It’s Mike.  Mike wrote this.  He did all of the video game footage.  Erin is just the “actress”.  

    It’s like how Jimmy makes AVGN videos.  There’s somebody else writing everything and doing all of the game footage and Jimmy just shows up to read the lines.

    6:15 – “I imagine a lot of kids renting it back in the day and then being stuck with it for an entire weekend.”

    Yeah.  Maybe.  Did you ever rent a game, Erin?  Tell us your experience of renting games.  

    She’s never rented a game in her life.  Was it even a thing when she was a kid?  I vaguely remember Erin claiming to have rented games from the grocery store.  Of course she didn’t, though.

    6:30 – “I wasn’t sure if I should include this on the list or not since it wasn’t technically released.”

    What game are you talking about?  Who edited this shit?  Shishi?  Once again, she’s talking about something but doesn’t mention the fucking game.

    The Shadow.  Fine.  Maybe mention that FIRST.

    6:45 – “Imagine the kids who were sitting on the floor back in the 1930s listening to this show and then showing them this.”

    Ummm…they’d be at least in their 70s and wouldn’t give a shit.  And why does Erin keep telling us to imagine stuff?  Talk about YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE, Erin.  Do you have any experiences that you can talk about?  Ever listen to the radio, for example?  Tell us about it.  

    She’s never done anything.

    Then she compares the game to Final Fight.  Good job, Mike.  You’re making observations.  Observations that Erin couldn’t make in a million years.

    This whole video has Mike written all over it.  It’s ridiculously obvious.  Is he going to get credit for this at the end?  “Help from Mike Matei” perhaps.

    7:30 – Alien Olympics 2044 AD.  You guys all remember this game, right? 

    8:00 – Shout out to Baby Upa.  You guys all know Bio-Miracle Bokutte Upa, right?  Well, Erin played this game once, on stream, for money so she’s an expert at the game now.

    10:15 – “So do you agree with this list or do you think I have it wrong about some of them?”

    What’s to agree or disagree with?  She just briefly talked about five games that she probably never played even once.  It was Mike playing all of this.  It was the most superficial “review” possible.  

    We didn’t even get a good view of her top.  How am I supposed to know if I want to buy it or not?  You have to model the fucking shirt, Erin.  What is this shit?  She knows NOTHING about salesmanship.

    Oh, she links to her Patreon.  £2.50/month.  No, thanks.  Only 47 patrons.  She’s getting £129/month.  That’s…I don’t know…$150 or so.  What a joke.

    What do you even get on her Patreon?  She rarely advertises this.  

    You get blog posts, occasional exclusive videos, and “whatever else.”  Mmmm…nobody would be excited by this.  

    There was a two month gap between her two latest videos.  She can’t even release one video a month.  What are these people paying for?  And all of these videos are just, “Hi!  Quick update on my next video” kind of shit.  Who cares?  

    What about try on hauls?  She could try on different shirts from her “sponsor” and then say, “Hey!  If you like the shirt, go to their website and use my promo code for 15 per cent off.”

    It would be an easy video to make, she might make a few pennies, and it would titillate the horntards.  

    – “Erin I love your shirt, where can I get one of those?”

    This has to be a shill.

    – “You were a “small child” in 94. Im guessing, you meant you were about 5 years old, so, that would make you about, 33. You look mid-late 20s, at the oldest. You’re holding that age quite well.”

    Hello, creepy man.  Good luck getting a date with these sort of pick up lines.

    – “I saw the Flintstones movie at a theater in Lancaster, PA that was $1 for everything so you could get your ticket, drink, and popcorn for $3.”

    That is a good deal.  Maybe rural Pennsylvania has low prices.  Here’s a promotion I’d like to see: a $1 handjob from PVC Bondage Girl?  Newt can watch.

    – “I can highly recommend Kim Justice’s videos on Ocean if you want a really good idea of their whole gaming philosophy”

    Erin replies with, “Thanks! And cool, I’ll have to check that out :)”

    Yeah.  Put it on your to-do list, Erin.  “Watch fat ladyboy talk about retro video games.”

    She’s not going to watch that.  It’s fucking ridiculous.  Why say that you’re going to?  Well, she’s a compulsive liar.  I suppose that that’s why.

  • TMNT: Shredder's Revenge and Taiko No Tatsujin – Talk About Games – Mike Matei

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STVKJ4IsvjI 

    Nice shirt.  How much buttsex did this buy you?

    The Erin Plays t-shirt notwithstanding, this episode is BORING AS FUCK.  I had to turn it off after 15 minutes.  It’s just Mike droning on in nerdy detail about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Mostly the cartoon from the 1980s.  

    I used to be able to watch these Talk About Games but they took a real nosedive of late.  The last episode was them talking about what is and what is not a “metroidvania”.  I don’t give a shit.  

    And both Ryan and Mike constantly insult the viewers.  Mike will talk about how annoyed he gets at the people who go to his streams and Ryan will go along with this.  “Yeah, they’re real idiots!  Ha!”

    I don’t want to tell Youtube professionals like Mike and Ryan how to conduct their business but it seems to me like calling your viewers annoying and mentally retarded isn’t the way to go.  And they do this constantly.  

    It’s true that the people who go to these streams are annoying and mentally retarded but this is your audience.  If you don’t want to deal with these people, go get a job like a normal person.  These retards are paying for your lavish lifestyles.  

    So Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Mike talks about them a lot.  I was slightly too old for them when they became popular.  I had the toys but it was at the point where it was embarrassing to have the toys.  I’m thinking that I must have been…12?  13?  It was one of the last toy lines that I got.  I think that the Hasbro WWF figures were my last toy line.

    I remember some kid in the 8th grade boasting about how he got rid of all of his toys.  It seemed crazy to me.  But I don’t think that I played with toys longer than average.  I wasn’t buying toys by the time I was 15, surely.  

    Anyway, I had the figures.  Raphael, Leonardo, Usagi Yojimbo, Metal Head, Leatherhead, Bebop, Rocksteady, Rat King,  Mondo Gecko, Triceraton.  I think that that’s it.  I’m looking at a list.  I didn’t get anything past 1990 and the only 1990 figure I got was Chrome Dome.  I think that Triceraton was the last figure I got, though.

    I found the Leonardo figure in my mother’s cabinet…or something…I don’t know the word, in her bedroom but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want her to know that I was going through her stuff.  Maybe there’s a reason why she has a Leonardo figure.  I don’t know.  

    So months went by and she finally gave me the figure.  She said that she found it in this cabinet.  It was intended as a Christmas gift and she forgot about it.

    I never got all four turtles.  I didn’t care about this.  You see nerds on the internet talking about how they were “completionists” and whatnot and had to get all of the figures.  I didn’t know anybody who did this.  Who were these rich assholes getting every figure?  I’d get stuff for Christmas or my birthday or just sometimes if we were in the store.  You’d pick whatever was there.  You weren’t going to this store every week, as the new shipments come in, and trying to collect every single figure.  Who was doing this?  It’s not even about the money.  Who cared this much?

    You hear about “army builders” as well.  Kieran has talked about this and that nerd on Pegwarmers talks about this.  This is the idea where you get a bunch of Foot Soldier figures, for example.  You’d get dozens or however many of the same, identical figure.

    Nobody was doing this.  It’s insane.  Who had the money to get multiples of the same figure?  Who would even want to do that?  

    Looking at this list, variants are another problem for me.  I never wanted the variant figure.  Especially if I already had the regular figure.  I never got a variant of a figure that I already had.  It doesn’t make sense.  How are you going to use the figure?  You have Leonardo and then the variant Leonardo where he does some kind of action?  How can both figures exist in the same universe?  This is a parallel dimension Leonardo?  It’s his long lost twin brother?  What is this?

    I had two sets of GI Joe Tomax and Xamot figures.  Two different people gave me them on one Christmas.  So I had to carefully compare the figures to find slight paint discrepancies to distinguish the figures.  So instead of twins, it was a quartet.  That’s sort of easy to go along with because they were already twins to begin with.  You’re just doubling it.  

    I hated figures that had an action.  Just give me the regular fucking figure.  I don’t need sword-swinging action at the press of a button.  

    This is why I hated the Ghostbusters line of toys.  I had the toys but I hated them . I don’t remember really playing with them.  They all had some stupid action.  You squeeze the arm, which was oddly outstretched, and the character would make a “scared” face.

    I would have much preferred a character with normal arms, at his sides, and no stupid face.  But the whole line was like this.  I liked the classic monster series the best.  It had Dracula and Frankenstein’s monster and whatnot.  But, again, you’d squeeze their legs and they’d so some stupid action.  I don’t want this.  Fuck your actions.

    I never got playsets either.  They were too expensive, too big, and I didn’t want them.  

    Well, I suppose that I got the ring for the WWF figures.  I also had the much larger ring for the LJN figures.  I had three or four LJN figures.  Those were some shit figures.

    I suppose that the Hasbro WWF figures also had action features but I didn’t mind those.  Maybe just because it was such an improvement over the brick-like LJN figures.  But a normal, articulated figure, like what came much later with Jakks Pacific or whatever, would have been greatly preferred.

    I liked Sectaurs.  Those were hard to find.  Not a popular toy line.  But they were just large, articulated figures and they’d have an insect companion.  Some of them had hand puppet companions.  Those were cool.  I had the spider one.  They were probably expensive but I had a few of the figures.  Three, I think.  

    Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors were also cool.  They were little cars that just had a base and you could change the tyres out and the weapons.  Interchangeable parts.  Sort of modular.  They had little brain guys as the drivers or tiny human figures.

    You don’t hear anyone being *nostalgic* for Sectaurs or Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors nowadays.  It’s always the same old bullshit.  GI Joe, He-Man, Transformers, TMNT, whatever.  Trash that had successful tie-in cartoon series.  And the cartoons were just designed to sell the toys.  No artistic value to these cartoons.  

  • Death of SUPERMAN – DC Comics SNES & Genesis Video Game Review – The Irate Gamer

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqM-V9nhNEE

    Alright, BORES.  Let’s see what zero effort trash you shat out this time.

    0:00 – What the hell.  It starts with Chris BORES doing a Clark Kent changing into Superman thing.  But look at that Superman t-shirt.  It’s filthy.  It’s like he just got in from playing in the mud.  What is this?  Why did he use a shirt that’s visibly filthy?  

    And does Clark Kent typically wear a shirt and tie or does he have a suit jacket on too?  Let me check. 

    The pictures I’m seeing mostly have Clark Kent in a suit.  Chris BORES obviously just doesn’t own a suit and he didn’t want to buy or borrow one for this stupid video.  

    Then there’s terrible greenscreen footage of Chris BORES flying.

    “Mild mannered GAY-mer by day.”  

    0:30 – So after that horrible greenscreen intro filled with bad acting, Chris BORES is here in his encrusted Superman t-shirt and he has an unbuttoned flannel shirt over it.  Why does he dress like this?  This is how I dressed in high school.  It was the 1990s.  This was fashionable then.  Grunge.  I was a slacker.  

    But this is 2022.  And Chris BORES is in his mid 40s.  Maybe change it up a little.  

    Wait.  Maybe this explains why this Superman shirt is so dirty.  This is vintage filth.  This is a shirt that Chris owned back in the 1990s.  He hasn’t bought a single new article of clothing in 25 years.

    2:15 – So after he gives a quick summary of the death and return of Superman in the comics, he starts playing this game.  

    2:45 – Oh god.  Then there’s a poorly-animated sidekick, Booster Gold.  Whoever that is.  Some comic book character.  It’s voice by Chris BORES, of course.

    Chris BORES keeps complaining that the game is only one player.  That’s his only complaint so far.  But who was he going to play against?  His fucking imaginary characters, who are all voiced by him?  

    3:15 – Chris BORES doing the always hilarious thing where he holds the controller up in front of his face and mashes buttons.  He’s pretending to play the game and we’re supposed to be retarded enough to believe this.

    4:15 – After the second level, you play as one of the new prospective Supermen.  Chris BORES laments that you can’t choose from the four Supermen who were in the comics.  He also AGAIN complains that you can’t add a second player.  He thinks that it would have been cool to be able to add a second player in stage three.  How much sense would that make?  The first two stages are one-player only and then suddenly on the third stage, you can have a second player?  No game ever invented does this.

    5:00 – Steel, who’s a black character, got one level.  I think that the Cyborg and Eradicator Supermen also only got one level each.  But Chris BORES says that if a black character only got one level, “In today’s upside down world, the internet would have been going apeshit right about now.”

    The only person complaining about this is Chris BORES.  I don’t think that anybody would find this offensive today.

    5:45 – He again complains about the game not having a two-player mode.  Who the fuck was he going to play against anyway?  Did Chris BORES have friends?  Get over it.  There’s no two-player.  We know.  You’ve made this clear.  Move on.

    6:30 – Then the video ends with a dumb skit where he destroys a game.  It’s so formulaic and obviously stolen from The Angry Video Game Nerd.  

    So I’ll give it my usual “dislike” and let’s check out the comments.

    – “Was he drunk while making this? Why is he slurring his words?”

    Yeah, it’s true.  I noticed this too.

    – “You keep calling the SNES the NES. You also talk you’ve never played a beat’em up outside of TMNT since some of your complaints are about pretty common traits of the genre.”

    That’s true as well.  He complained about repetitive enemies, for example.  

    I’ll say this about the video.  For once, Chris BORES managed to abstain from putting any disgusting homosexual references in it.