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Erin Plays and Mike Matei play a Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle NES Hack! (part 2 of 16)
Sorry that I missed the past two days. I has some personal errands. But I’m back, ready to enjoy some Erin Plays goodness.
7:00 –
Mike: You know what I like about this game? It’s got a lot of brown bricks.
Erin: (pauses for about two full seconds…then finally gets the joke) It does, doesn’t it?
Good stuff, Erin. You’re oozing charisma.
Erin: What is it with Bugs and Brown Bricks? It’s almost like there’s a connection. I don’t know what, though.
Nor does Mike. Nor does the audience. What the fuck is she talking about? More negative charisma, mindless bullshit.
7:45 –
Mike: Hey Lola!
Erin: Yeah?
Mike: What’s up, Doc?
Erin: What’s up? Nothing. I don’t know. Ahhh.
Could this be any worse? She doesn’t even recognise this as Bugs Bunny’s catchphrase. She’s never heard this before. She’s never seen a single Bugs Bunny cartoon.
But even if that’s the case…wouldn’t you still pick this up as part of the general American culture? Doesn’t every American know that Bugs Bunny’s catchphrase is “What’s up, Doc?” Even if they’ve somehow managed to go their entire lives without seeing a Bugs Bunny cartoon?
Erin doesn’t know it.
Mike: I like your ears there, Lola.
Erin: Thank you, Bugs.
That’s it. She can’t contribute AT ALL to any conversation. She’s a fucking moron.
Erin: Your ear…it’s really intense when I have your face just looking me in the eye.
She’s awful. Horrendous. And she thinks that she’s going to make money out of this. Out of what? Her sparkling wit and charm? Her personality? She has no wit, no charm, and no personality. Worse than that. Negative everything.
8:00 – Then Mike tries to salvage this complete disaster yet again. And we’re only eight minutes in.
Mike: I’ve got a joke for you.
Erin: What’s the joke?
Mike: What’s up, Doc?
Erin: What?
Mike: What?
Erin: What’s up?
Mike: What’s up, Doc?
Erin: What?
Mike: Isn’t that a good joke?
Erin: I don’t get it.
Mike: I don’t get it either.
Erin: Do people like that joke when you tell it?
Mike: No.
Erin: Then why do you tell it?
It’s so fucking bad. It’s like she’s a fucking zombie.
8:30 – Mike is sick of doing 100% of the work in this conversation so he puts this fucking mindless zombie to task.
Mike: Do you have any jokes?
Erin: Ummmmm….
Mike: You can’t go criticising my jokes if you don’t have your own jokes.
Erin: You know what, that’s very fair. That’s very fair.
Is she on fucking drugs? She seems stupid even by her usual rock bottom standards. She can’t contribute AT ALL. To ANYTHING.
8:45 – Mike encourages Erin to continue to play the game because he knows that this conversation is going absolutely nowhere. Erin then says, “Oh my god. It’s Marvin the Martian.”
How does she know the name? She must have played a Marvin the Martian game recently, on stream, for money.
“I like him. He’s funny.”
Give us an example of Marvin the Martian’s humour. Do you remember anything that he’s ever said? Or any plots from cartoons that he was in? Can you give us anything at all?
No. Because she’s never seen a single Marvin the Martian cartoon in her life. She’s making all of this up. And these are terrible, terrible lies. It’s just generic bullshit all of the time.
9:00 – Hold the phone. We’re getting a “memory”, although not actually of the cartoon. “I remember the Warner Store used to exist in malls and when I was little I liked to go into the spaceship and then you could press buttons and different clips from the cartoons would play.”
Well…okay. So did you do that, Erin? Or did you just want to? Maybe this is her only exposure to the cartoon. The clips that she would see at the Warner Store. And she said “Warner Store”, right? Yeah. Is that right? Not Warner Bros Store? Let me check.
Yeah. It was the Warner Bros Store. Erin is a moron who doesn’t know anything.
9:30 – A horntard asks about Michael Jordan and Space Jam. Mike changes the subject and says that Michael Jordan also appeared in a recent Erin Plays video. He goes on to say, “I watch all of Erin Play’s videos.”
Then, rather than trying to contribute to this conversation at all, Erin changes the subject. She talks about the game that she’s playing. And how bad she’s doing at it.
9:45 – Mike tries to save this shit YET AGAIN.
Mike: I’m her biggest fan.
Erin: Really? I didn’t know that you liked her stuff so much.
Mike: Yes.
Erin: Well, that’s great.
She’s fucking awful. Completely incapable of having a conversation.
10:15 – She awkwardly name-checks Gossamer. She wants you to know that she knows the character’s name. But it’s only because she must have done a stream or something that had this character in it recently. She doesn’t know any of this shit. She’s never seen any of the cartoons.
10:30 – Then Mike starts talking about Peter Lorre. Erin says, “Ew, I don’t like Peter Lorre.”
I’m not sure if she even knows who it is. I certainly didn’t. Who the fuck is talking about Peter Lorre? But I suspect that Mike recently made Erin watch some movie or something that has Peter Lorre in it.
10:45 – Erin ignores Mike, because she can’t have a conversation, and then she reads the chat. “Roger Rabbit? Roger Rabbit’s not here.”
It’s horrible. What the fuck? Why would she even bother to read the comment if she has nothing to say about it? She doesn’t even know who Roger Rabbit is. Maybe the person was making a Roger Rabbit comment because Crazy Castle was originally a Roger Rabbit game. Erin doesn’t know any of this, despite the fact that she “loves” this game.
Oh, then Mike has to try to save this bullshit again.
Mike: Wasn’t this game based on Roger Rabbit?
Erin: Yeah. Originally, this was on the Famicom Disc System, I believe, and it was Roger Rabbit.
And yet, earlier in the stream, Erin was surprised to see hearts as a collectible item. Even though hearts were the collectible item in the Famicom version of this game, which had Roger Rabbit in it.
She “loves” the game.
12:15 – Mike was making some Inspector Gadget and iPad references. Erin didn’t contribute to the conversation at all. Of course. Then Mike asks if there are any good iPad games that he could try.
What the fuck do you think, Mike? Erin doesn’t know any fucking games.
But let’s find out. I paused at Erin saying, “ummm.”
Erin: “This is all you need.”
That’s what she managed to say. Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle ISN’T ON THE IPAD YOU FUCKING RETARD.
God, it’s fucking unbelievable. How does Mike put up with this? I’m 12 minutes into this video, I’ve been watching it over the course of two days, and I can turn it off whenever I want.
Mike has to listen to this fucking retard give her generic, idiotic answers to everything ALL FUCKING DAY. FOR YEARS! And he can’t turn it off. He’s listening to this complete airhead, who’s never seen or done anything in her entire life, every god-forsaken day of his life.
12:30 – After Erin repeatedly dies, there’s the following “conversation”:
Mike: I’ve got a good tip for you.
Erin: What?
Mike: Get good, bro.
Erin: Mmm.
Mike: That’s what they say.
Erin: I know.
Mike: Have you heard of John Cena?
Erin: Yes.
(short pause as Mike basically gives up)
Erin: Have you…uhhhh….have you ever met John Cena?
What kind of questions are these? Just generic bullshit. You want to say something about fucking wrestling, maybe? No. Because she doesn’t know that John Cena is a wrestler. She doesn’t know who John Cena is. She has no fucking idea.
13:00 – Erin, finally, manages to kill Gossamer. You know what she says? You’ll never guess.
“Oh look at him when he dies! He looks cute!”
She’s a complete and total idiot. Look at this fucking John Cena conversation. “Have you heard of John Cena. Yes. Have you been to his house? No.”
What is this? This is not a conversation. This is not entertaining. This is complete and utter dogshit.
And Erin is absolutely god awful at this game. She’s struggling on like the third level. She’s struggled on every level.
She “loves” the game.
14:00 – She’s reading from the chat. “Did the hacker make these sprites? I assume so.”
Well, they’re not the same sprites as in the actual game, are they, Erin? You know what the sprites in the original game look like, right, Erin? You’re a big Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle fan, after all. You “love” the game.
14:15 –
Mike: Do I smell at all? Am I a stinker?
(Erin smells Mike)
Erin: A little bit.
Erin didn’t get the reference. She doesn’t even know who Bugs Bunny is. She’s looking at Mike and thinking, “Why the fuck is this guy in a rabbit suit? I don’t get it.” And then she just gives generic answers to everything hoping that we don’t notice that she has no fucking idea who Bugs Bunny is.
So that’s another seven minutes of this bullshit. So we’re on track. Only 14 more articles on this video to go.
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei play a Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle NES Hack! (part 1 of 16)
0:00 – Oh, we’ve got a “sexy” costume. I guess. More so than that fucking skeleton hoodie that she was wearing in a previous video.
She claims that she’s “Lola”. Umm…I’ve heard the name but I’m going to have to look this up.
Oh. A sexualised female rabbit from Space Jam. Remember Space Jam? Yeah, I remember it, Erin. I’ll say that I was 14 when the film was released, to terrible reviews. This would mean that Erin was about four years old. So does she remember? Let’s get the actual dates here.
No, I was more like 19. So whatever. I guess she’d remember. But did she see the film? No. She’s never seen any film.
Oh, and Mike is also here. He’s in his Bugs Bunny costume that he used in that AVGN episode…fucking…12 years ago? Longer than that?
Then Mike starts singing and Erin doesn’t know what to do because she’s awkward as fuck and has zero charisma. No, that’s not right. Negative charisma.
1:00 – “I love Crazy Castle.”
She’s a big Crazy Castle fan, guys. She’s never played this thing for even ONE SECOND in her spare time. But she played it at least once on stream, for money. In Erin’s bizarre misuse of the English language, that means that she “loves” the game.
So then the game starts and Erin says, “I don’t know which way to go first.”
The first level. The first seconds of the first level. She doesn’t know what to do. She’s completely clueless. But she “loves” this game.
She’s completely ignorant about what to do in the game because she only played it once or twice, on stream, for money.
Then she immediately gets lost in this easy as fuck first level. This is like a tutorial level. There are no enemies. And she repeatedly gets lost on this tiny, easy stage. It’s unbelievable.
She loves the game.
2:00 –
Mike: Have more faith in yourself, Lola.
Erin: Okay. That’s something that I need to work on.
Mike said this after Erin pointed out the obvious: that she can’t play these games because she gets lost easily. But no. Erin was right. She’s fucking shit at this. And by “this” I mean “video games.” But she seems to be particularly bad at Crazy Castle, this game that she professes to love.
Why does she continue to make these videos? She’s getting pennies for this shit and she humiliates herself every fucking time. She has negative charisma, never has anything even remotely interesting to say, can’t play the fucking games, and hates this shit. So why do it?
2:15 – Somebody in the chat says, “It’s too early for this.” Erin says, “This is a great way to start your morning, I think.”
They’re doing this in the morning. Dressing up like fucking buffoons and playing video games in the morning. Probably early morning.
Just get a job, Erin. It’s not that bad. And it’s not like you have to work in a record store. There are plenty of office jobs out there. Even in small towns. Insurance places, veterinarian clinics, banks, real estate offices, car dealerships, whatever.
And they live near a number of large cities. So she doesn’t have to be a receptionist at some local insurance place or something. She can get an office job in a medium to large sized company and just be a drone hidden somewhere in the back, doing some low-level administrative work. Wouldn’t that be preferable to what she’s doing now? Way more money, you’re not humiliating yourself, the work is easy, and it’s an honest job.
2:30 – “God, there’s hearts? What do the hearts do?”
Erin “loves” this game. Doesn’t even know what the items are. They’re obviously the same fucking thing as the carrots were in the previous stage. You just have to collect them all to advance to the next stage. Erin doesn’t know this? She doesn’t know that there are hearts in the game?
I know that this is a “hack” but these hearts are in the normal game. Right? I’ve never played it before but I remember this from her previous fucking stream of this game. Let me look this up.
The Roger Rabbit version of this game, which is the original version and released only in Japan, for the Famicom, had hearts that you had to collect instead of carrots.
Erin didn’t know this? She’s talked about this game before. She’s played it before. She talked about this game like she was a fucking expert before. Doesn’t remember the hearts?
Let me check the archives.
1:45 – She’s reading from the chat. “Have I played the Famicom Crazy Castle game with Roger Rabbit? No.”
That was in February 2021. But does she play it later, on stream, for money?
Not that I’m seeing. So, okay. Erin fully admits that she never played the Famicom version of this game. Even though she “loves” the game. So she never saw the hearts before. Okay. Maybe Mike will be able to illuminate matters.
2:45 – No, he doesn’t. They just change the subject. But then a horntard says, “I like this Lola better than the one in Space Jam.” Erin says, “Well, I am a Space Jam Lola but I’m like…ummm…(pauses game)…oh no…do I have a weapon?”
Negative charisma and doesn’t know shit about the game. She just picked up a fucking hoxing glove three seconds earlier. She didn’t know what this was. She has no idea what any of this is. She doesn’t remember the game. At all. She only played it once, after all. On stream, for money. So it’s not surprising. By why then present yourself as an expert who “loves” the game?
Back to this awkward shit, “I’m like…not…ummmm…I’m not…practicing right now so.”
What the fuck is she talking about? Her being Lola or the video game? I have no fucking idea. Then Mike immediately changes the subject to try to save this abomination.
Erin. Go get a fucking job. This is not for you.
3:15 – Then the horntards come to the rescue with, “Off-season Lola” and Erin says, “Exactly.”
Yeah. That was right on the tip of your tongue, wasn’t it Erin? She doesn’t even know what “off-season” means. This is fucking horrendous.
Negative charisma. Average, at best, appearance. 35 years old. No interest in video games. No experience with video games. No knowledge about video games.
She thinks that she’s going to be a big Youtube and/or Twitch and/or TikTok superstar. It’s not fucking happening, Erin. There is no conceivable way of this working out. Not even the constant promotion from one of the biggest retro gaming Youtube channel can make this happen. All of that buttsex was for nothing. I’m sorry. But I could have fucking told you all of this even before you moved in with Mike. Anyone with a brain could have told you this. Cut your loses and go get a fucking job. Don’t spend one more second on this bullshit. You’re wasting your fucking life.
Back to the video. Erin dies repeatedly, on level three. Mike has to explain basic enemy AI because Erin has never seen any of this before. She “loves” this game.
4:30 –
Mike: You know what you should have done?
Erin: What?
Mike: Taken a left turn at Albuquerque.
Erin: (fake laugh) You like that, don’t you? That Albuquerque?
Erin doesn’t get the reference. You know how Bugs Bunny REGULARLY makes a “left turn at Albuquerque” joke? Erin never saw any of this. She never saw a Bugs Bunny short before. She doesn’t know who the fuck Bugs Bunny is. She doesn’t know where she is. She doesn’t know what’s going on.
Then she immediately changes the subject, because she knows that has no idea what Mike is talking about and she’s embarrassing herself yet again, but Mike brings it back.
Mike: Well, I don’t like it. I don’t go there. It’s just a good place to turn around.
Erin: (clueless) Oh. Okay. I thought you, like, really liked Albuquerque.
She literally doesn’t get the reference.
In a previous video, she talked about how much she enjoyed some Bugs Bunny short. And she gave the title of the short and everything.
She’s never seen any of this shit. She has never seen even a single Bugs Bunny short. And the character has probably made this stupid joke in every subsequent media that he appeared in. He probably made the joke in fucking Space Jam. Erin is totally unfamiliar with it.
She knows nothing about anything so she just pretends to know things. This is how she goes through life.
Mike: Have you ever been to Tahiti?
Erin: I don’t know. I feel like that would be too hot.
Add Tahiti to the never-ending list of things that Erin knows nothing about. “Too hot” was her response. Negative fucking charisma. Give us some witty trivia about Tahiti, Erin. Do you know anything about Tahiti? No. She has no fucking idea. It’s a cute-sounding word. That’s all that she knows.
5:00 – A horntard says, “Glad the music is the same.” Erin says, “Yeah, that good old Crazy Castle music that just keeps going.”
She’s totally unfamiliar with the game but, once again, presenting herself as an expert. And the only thing she had to say about the music is that it “just keeps going.” She’s a fucking moron. Doesn’t know anything.
5:15 – “Oh my god. Witch Hazel is here.”
And yet, Erin knows the name of obscure characters like this. She must have done a video featuring this character recently or something.
Oh my god. I was dead on.
5:30 –
Mike: You know the last time I saw that Witch Hazel?
Erin: Hmm?
Mike: She was in a video that I was watching on Youtube by Erin Plays. Have you heard of her?
Erin: Yeah, I’ve heard of her.
Mike: I think she did a whole video that had to do with Halloween and it’s Halloween right now.
That’s where she knew the name from. From her recent Halloween video. Everything has to be a reference to something that she did recently, on stream, for money or for a Youtube video. Because she has absolutely no knowledge of anything because she’s never seen or done anything in her entire miserable life.
Oh, Witch Hazel. You guys all know Witch Hazel, right?
No, Erin. It’s not a popular character. But she doesn’t even know that much. So she brings up this information like we all know it. No. It’s a little-known character.
But what is well known is Bugs Bunny saying “left turn at Albuquerque”. It’s one of his fucking catchphrases. Erin never heard it before.
How am I going to get through this two hour video? I’m already way past the point where I should be stopping the article and I’m only five minutes into the video.
Oh my god. I have to transcribe all of this. This whole fucking video needs to be transcribed.
Mike: It’s Halloween right now, isn’t it?
Erin: Yeah! That’s probably why she put it out. Just now. A few days ago. It’s about Halloween. It’s about spooky levels in video games that aren’t spooky.
Mike: I certainly like to watch Erin Plays.
Erin: Yeah?
Mike: I’m a big fan.
Erin: You would be.
(awkward pause while nobody knows what to say because Erin’s comment made no sense)
Mike: Every day when she goes to sleep, I like to look through the window at her.
Erin: I thought we talked about that. You can’t be spying on people through the window. That’s illegal.
Mike: Watch out. It’s purple Wile E Coyote.
Erin: I like him.
Mike: He’s taking after Batman on the NES.
Erin: He is. I like Batman on the NES. Do you? It’s fun.
Mike: I like Batman:
Erin: Do you like the Joker?
Mike: I like it because it’s DC. I like DC.
Erin: (clueless) Cool.
Erin doesn’t know what DC is. I’m not making any of this shit up. I’m not exaggerating. She clearly doesn’t know what any of this shit is. DC. She doesn’t know what Mike is saying.
And look at these fucking responses. Everything is just generic garbage. “I like it”. That’s her response to everything. No matter what it is. She never expands on anything. WHY do you like any of this stuff, Erin? She can’t answer because she doesn’t know what the fuck it is. She doesn’t know what any of this is. This is how she goes through life. Not knowing anything about anything so she has to pretend. Poorly. REALLY poorly.
6:30 – She’s reading from the chat. “‘Does Bugs know about Vampire Survivor’ asks Shishi”.
This is a game that Erin has been playing recently on stream, for money. And Mike also streamed this a while ago. That’s where Erin got the idea.
But never mind what Mike knows. Does ERIN know about Vampire Survivor. I know that she recently streamed it but she probably already forgot about it. Erin “always” “forgets” about EVERYTHING. Because she never fucking does anything. She sits and stares at a wall all day. This is her entire life.
Then Erin says, “It’s so fun. It’s really fun.”
Tell us more, Erin. Why is it fun? What do you like about it? Compare and contrast it to other games that you may have enjoyed. Can you do any of this?
No. Of course she can’t. Negative charisma and no knowledge or experience with video games.
So I’m at 7:00. At this rate, I’m going to have to break this video down into 16 articles. But I have to continue. There were so many gems just in the first seven minutes of this. This video is probably chock full of this shit. What else doesn’t Erin know about? I need to know.
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Working in a Mental Health Facility
After the casino experience, I decided to try my hand with the mentally ill. The job advertisement seemed to suggest that having a degree is preferred. So great. Maybe I can get some use out of this thing.
It paid $15/hour. So nearly twice what I was making at the casino.
The downside was absolutely everything else.
This was a fucking nightmare. Most of the people there were children but there were also adults. Most of the adults were mentally retarded, often REALLY mentally retarded.
Well, let’s just start with orientation. There were like 15 of us there. This place was CONSTANTLY hiring large groups of people like this because people were constantly quitting en masse.
I was the only white person. No, that’s not true. There were two other white people, a man and a woman, and I think that they knew each other, but they only lasted a couple of days. The orientation was like two weeks.
Everybody else was black. And 90% of them were from Africa. African immigrants. Everybody there, myself included, was really, really, REALLY desperate for work.
The trainers were all white, oddly. There were three trainers. All white Americans.
The training was like self-defence and how to restrain people and shit like this. I could get into the creepy history of this place and all of the problems that they’ve had but I’ll just focus on my own experiences there instead.
One of the things that we had to do was do a backwards roll. This was part of the training. And if you couldn’t do this roll, you couldn’t do the job.
So there’s this one woman there, an African woman, with the biggest ass I’ve ever seen in my life. She was a slim woman but she had a giant fucking ass. She could have made a fortune in porn just from the pictures. But instead, she was in this fucking nightmare factory.
She couldn’t do the roll. Just physically. Her ass was too big. She’d get stuck with her ass in the air. She couldn’t get the momentum going. It was impossible.
So the trainer just watched as she struggled with her ass in the air and then he pushed her over. They let her slide but technically, according to their own rules, she should have been fired. For having a giant ass.
We had to watch a video of what goes on in this place. And the video was from like…I don’t know….the 1970s? 1980s? It didn’t look current (2000s). And fucking…oh my god. How much detail do I want to put here? People banging their heads. People ripping out the interiors of their mouths. Eyeballs being gouged out. Weird toilet shit.
So after the video, we’re all in the hallway, and I fucking pass out. When I come to, some paramedic or something is talking to me. But I said that I was okay and I continued with the orientation.
I would get doughnuts with some guys there during lunch. It was an African guy and some black American guy. And we’d talk about the horrors of this job. It would be compared to training animals. And it’s true. It was like that. A lot of these people were so badly off mentally that they had animal or less intelligence.
This American guy had a degree, as I did. I don’t know if the African guy did.
And the owners of this doughnut place were immigrants from Poland or something. And we were there for Christmas. I don’t remember if it was Christmas Day or Christmas Eve. And I remember them being friendly and wishing us a merry Christmas. We were the only ones in the store. Nobody else is getting doughnuts on Christmas. And it was all extremely depressing. These immigrants working on Christmas, trying to eek out a living selling doughnuts, and the fact that we have to go back to this horror show soon.
A lot of the people at the orientation said, “I’m just going to do the orientation and then quit.” Because we got paid for this two week orientation. The same $15/hour as we’d get on the regular job. But the regular job was…indescribably horrible. So people didn’t want to do it.
One of the trainers was a giant asshole. He was fine the first couple of days, but after a few people quit, he just became a huge dick. He knew that if you were still there after two days, you really, really needed the job so he could do and say whatever he wants.
But I put up with all of the bullshit and finished the orientation. Now I had to do this job.
I’m on a bus with these mental patients. We’re each assigned our own person because everybody needs constant monitoring to prevent them from killing themselves and others. And my kid keeps eating his diaper. This is his thing. He’s constantly eating inedible things. When there’s nothing around that he can put in his mouth, he would scrounge on the carpet for lint to put in his mouth.
Now he’s eating his diaper. On the bus. This is my first day of the job. This black American guy who I would get doughnuts with points out that he’s eating his diaper. But what can I do? The guy has to be physically restrained all fucking day. His brain is mush. He can’t speak. He doesn’t understand anything you’re saying to him. You can’t reason with him.
On another day, he took a shit in his diaper, reached behind himself, and smeared the shit all over his face.
We would get attacked every fucking day. Spit on. Punched. Kicked. Every day. There wasn’t a single day that I wasn’t attacked. It was like dealing with animals.
This job was like 90 minutes from my home. So not as far as the casino but still a long commute. But I did it because this is the only job I could find and I was trying to make the best of it.
I worked there for three months and there are a thousand insane, disgusting stories that I could tell. But I’ll just skip to my last day.
We were in one of the group homes for these kids. And I get there and I’m told by a co-worker, at the start of the shift, that I have to work with this kid who eats everything. So I make an offhand comment suggesting that I really don’t like working with this kid. So the guy says, “Oh, I’ll tell the manager then.” I tell him not do that, it’s okay. But he insists that it’s not a problem. He’ll tell the manager and the manger will surely move me to a different job. Fine.
The manager comes over. He’s an African guy. And he says that we all have patients who we don’t want to work with but this is the job. So I say it’s fine, I didn’t tell that guy to say anything to you, this was his idea, whatever.
This kid is constantly putting things in his mouth and I’m constantly having to stop him. His friend comes over and attacks me a few times. Then this friend ends up getting restrained by other people and they threaten to put him into an even worse group home if he doesn’t stop. To think that there’s a worse group home than this place.
Then the manager, who clearly doesn’t like me, starts telling me that I have to stand over here, now I have to stand over here, now I have to stand over here. There were like 20 people working in his house, by the way, for about 15 kids. It was necessary because it was chaos constantly.
But the manager was shit. He was an asshole. I never saw him before. There were loads of managers at this place. You never saw the same manager twice. People quit so frequently and were promoted so quickly. The turnover of staff was ridiculous. Every day, probably ten people quit.
So then the manager says that I have to stand outside of some other kid’s room and make sure that he’s not killing himself or anyone else. This was the usual job. This guy was below average intelligence but he was able to speak and reason and learn and whatever. He was just a stupid, violent kid.
He’s talking to himself and he starts using profanity. So a nearby co-worker says that he can’t use profanity. He gets punished for that. I’ll spare you the details of the punishment. But this co-worker tells me to go get this guy’s sheets.
Everybody in this place had their own sheets. The sheets listed all of the behaviours that they’re not allowed to do and what the punishment is if they exhibit one of these behaviours.
So I go get the sheet. Some other African immigrant was handing them out to people. And as I get mine, the manager comes over. “What are you doing here? I told you to watch that kid.”
This was my limit. I was told by that co-worker to get the sheet. That’s what I’m doing. Nobody has a problem with any of this. There’s a crowd of other staff doing the exact same thing. There’s nothing wrong with any of this. It’s the appropriate protocol. But this asshole manager has some problem with me. He wasn’t behaving like this to anyone else.
So fuck it. I said, “Okay, that’s it”, I got my coat, and I left. And as I’m leaving, he’s trying to explain, “No, all I did was tell you…you have to be at the…” Fuck you. You deal with these people.
A few days later, I went back to this place to return their stuff and they didn’t even want it. I just had some kind of exit interview where I explained what happened. The guy said that I should report him. You were actually required to report misbehaviour by your co-workers at least twice a week or something. I never bothered. And if you didn’t report people, you got in trouble somehow. I don’t remember exactly what it was. You got some kind of demerits and if you get too many demerits they fire you or don’t give you work for a couple of weeks or something. You also got demerits if people reported you, of course. Maybe there was some kind of investigation first and you had to be found guilty of whatever it was that was alleged. I don’t know. I didn’t give a fuck. You want to fire me, go ahead.
So anyway, I didn’t report this guy. Then this guy doing the exit interview said that I’d be getting demerits or whatever for leaving the job early on that day. But…I quit. So who gives a shit?
Anyway, worst job I’ve ever had. And there are some real contenders.
-
In Memoriam: Kris Glavin
It’s Horseface’s birthday. I’m going to say that Kris Glavin calls her both a smokeshow AND a young lady.
A couple of people respond saying that their birthday is also coming up soon. Crystal doesn’t respond because she doesn’t give a fuck. It’s all about Horseface. Everything is about Horseface. Horseface only cares about Horseface.
Somebody with the name “47Cartoonguy- Proud Crystal Quin Simp” responds. That’s his actual Twitter name.
I think that I talked about this guy before. He’s an absolutely corpulent black guy. But his avatar is a white woman.
Oh my god. Kris Glavin didn’t even reply. Is he dead? Let me check his Twitter.
He hasn’t posted since 24 October. And he used to post many times a day. It just suddenly stopped on 24 October.
I’m not seeing any tweets from Horseface to Kris Glavin. She’s not at all concerned about this guy? This was her number one fan. I care more about Kris Glavin than Horseface does.
What could have possibly happened? Did that enormous black nerd have Kris Glavin killed so that he could become the new number one Horseface “simp”? Who knows?
One minute Kris Glavin is talking about the “hot teacher vibes” of some skank on the internet and the next minute, he’s dead. It really makes you reflect on the fragility of life. And what you’re doing with your life, or not doing.
Let me Google “Kris Glavin”. Maybe there’s an obituary.
Well, he’s on Facebook. I don’t know if he posted anything recently. I don’t have an account. But his profile picture is him as a child with his parents and siblings. That’s weird.
Somebody named Kris Glavin donated $200 to somebody’s GoFundMe to pay for a funeral. I don’t know if it’s the same Kris Glavin. But they didn’t reach the goal. They only raised $5,000 and the goal was $12,000. So what happened? This woman didn’t get buried? It’s a sad system. Why should it cost $12,000 to get buried? Why should people have to beg on GoFundMe for funeral expenses?
That’s it. That’s all that Kris Glavin ever did, according to the internet, anyway. There was also a news article about a Kris Glavin who enjoyed fishing but I think it’s a different Kris Glavin.
You look at that picture of a young Kris Glavin and his family. They’re at the beach or something. Kris Glavin was from Massachusetts. Some idyllic New England picture. His mother was something of a smokeshow. His father was all buff and muscly. What the hell happened?
Is this what this young couple wanted for their son? To be some loser who creeps on internet sluts all day?
And obviously the feelings are entirely in one direction. Horseface doesn’t give the slightest of fucks that Kris Glavin is dead. She didn’t even notice. Didn’t notice that he stopped replying to all of her tweets.
Is Horseface going to give any money to help pay for funeral costs for Kris Glavin? She should. How much money has Kris Glavin given to Horseface over the years on Twitch or her porn site or where ever else Horseface is shaking retards down for money. Time to pay it back.
No. She’s just talking about food instead.
Wawa messed up her order. That’s important. Wawa. We all know about the fairly small regional chain of convenience stores called Wawa, right? Horseface isn’t happy with the service there from the minimum wage employees.
So go somewhere better. Spend money at higher class establishments and maybe you’ll get a better product and better service. But no, she just wants to tweet out self-obsessed bullshit. Fuck that weird loser Kris Glavin. Hopefully his Fansly subscription continues to auto-renew long after his death.
Kris Glavin could have done anything. He could have got a job. He could have got a girlfriend. Maybe not a great job. But a decent job. A job that he enjoys doing. Reasonable pay. And maybe he couldn’t have got a hot girlfriend. A smokeshow, if you will. But he could have got a girlfriend. An actual woman who wants to spend time with him. Maybe a fat chick, maybe a single mother, but who cares? It’s somebody real who’s spending actual time with you.
Instead, Kris Glavin wasted his time and money on various horror sluts on the internet, some of whom have equine-like faces, and not a single one of these women gave the slightest of fucks when he died.
So Kris Glavin, we hardly knew ye. But hopefully somebody out there will be inspired by your tragically wasted life.
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Monster Squad is The Greatest Creature Crossover – Tony from Hack the Movies
Oh, it’s 97 glorious minutes with Tony from Hack the Movies and that crazy anti-abortion nut. We’re in for a treat. And I’ve actually seen the movie. Or at least parts of it.
This movie was, briefly, all the rage with a group of dumb kids who I knew in like…the fifth grade? Sixth grade? They formed their own little monster squad. In order to join the club, you had to know how to kill a variety of different monsters. And they even used the bizarre terminology that the film used. Like “nards” for testicles.
Even as a fifth or sixth grader I thought, “This is fucking stupid.” I had no interest in movies as a kid and I thought that people who were interested in movies were fucking morons. And I was right.
My sister babysat for some kid and he would always quote from movies. It was annoying and he was obviously a dumb kid. Had shitty parents who just let him watch movies all day.
I remember one day, he kept calling me “McFly.” For no reason. I’m playing some video game with him, trying to keep him entertained and he just keeps saying, “McFly. McFly. McFly.” I couldn’t understand what he was saying. It was more like “McFry”. And I never watched Back to the Future anyway. And I didn’t care.
Then his scumbag, idiot mother says, “McFly is a nerd in Back to the Future. So he’s calling you a nerd.”
Okay, well that’s great. I’m here trying to entertain your idiot son and not only is he apparently insulting me, but you feel an obligation to spell it out for me.
That kid now weighs 400 pounds, is a truck driver, and lives in Texas. In a trailer. With his elderly mother. And his mother weighs 500 pounds.
Anyway, Tony from Hack the Movies. Do I even want to watch this? The answer is no, frankly. Maybe I should just think of more annoying kid stories.
Oh, on the train there was an American woman with her son. And her son kept saying, “I’m going to knock your block off.” Repeatedly. Then this woman said, “Of course you have find the one bad thing about Charlie Brown to repeat.”
Eugh…let’s just do ten minutes of this shit video and then I’ll take a nap.
1:15 – This anti-abortion nut shows her “Wolfman’s got nards” t-shirt. So…she’s about as dumb as those dumb kids in the fifth grade. And they were borderline retarded.
Then Tony shows his “Goro’s got nards” t-shirt. I make the same observation.
1:45 – This anti-abortion nut is really going on about how much she loves this movie and talking about her boring as fuck childhood discovery of it.
2:30 – Then she says, “When I moved to LA, I couldn’t believe that other people knew about it.”
Yeah. She’s a big filmmaker, this anti-abortion Jesus nut. Show us your filmography.
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm5110866
Oh. That is…not remotely impressive. She was there for about a year? I guess. And she has a couple of “assistant to the director” credits of zero budget Jesus nut movies.
I’m five minutes in. I’m going to bump that nap up to right now. When I wake up, I’ll MAYBE continue this snoozefest, but probably not.
Yeah, that was refreshing. I’ll go another five minutes.
7:15 –
Lunatic: When I was living in LA, I went out for drinks with one of the characters in the movie at Smokehouse.
Tony: …Okay?
Lunatic: So if you know Smokehouse.
Tony: I don’t know Smokehouse.
Lunatic: (stunned silence) Smokehouse?
Tony: I’m usually really —
Lunatic: George Clooney…I don’t know if he owns it but he named his production company off of Smokehouse. That’s how important an LA staple it is.
GET TO THE POINT! We don’t all know Smokehouse. We’re not all living it up in Los Angeles (or “LA”) like your fucking mentally ill ass, pursuing our Jesus nut dreams.
She got a drink with one of the “characters” in the film. What the fuck does that mean? She got a drink with the Wolfman? And if she means one of the ACTORS in the film, they all must be in their 50s by now. At least. The adult actors must be in their 70s by now. She’s getting drinks with elderly actors? And she’s boasting about this?
Let me look this Smokehouse up. Crazy Casey REALLY wants us to know about it.
It’s a restaurant. Big. Fucking. Deal.
8:30 – The story went nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. So Tony, trying to bring this back on track, says, “Casey, would you please read the back of the box?”
Ummm…no. I’m done. I don’t want to listen to this airhead Jesus nut struggle to read.
- “Where’s Kieran”
Tony abandoned his old crew for Dumb Skank of the Week shit.
- “Wow this girls annoying. Cant imagine how she got noticed
A rare voice of reason in the comments.
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The Top Five Most Re-Played Portions of the Power Pad video – Erin Plays
I reviewed this video here:
That article is a re-post of the original article so it comes with a preamble, giving some of the history of the article.
Anyway, the Power Pad video is Erin’s most popular video, by far. She’s just in a little outfit, bouncing around, showing her feet, and constantly pulling her shorts down because they keep riding up.
She’s a real gamer. This is how you play Track and Field for the NES. I remember playing this game as a kid. My neighbour just got a Nintendo. So I went over and he handed me a little spandex outfit and I said, “Wait a minute. What’s this for?” He explained that we’re playing Track and Field and it requires the Power Pad and this is what you have to wear when you use the Power Pad. Well, okay. I was just ignorant about the NES back then. It was a new thing. I didn’t know the protocols.
Anyway, Youtube lets you see what the most played parts of the video are now. Which parts will be the most popular? The beginning where she gives a history of the Power Pad? The part where she shows the Japanese version? Gameplay footage of some game that has cute food in it?”
Spoiler: no. None of that.
2:10 to 2:42 – Here’s the first spike in views.
“This one has you reaching all over the pad kind of like a less intense version of Twister.”
And Erin is completely bent over and…well, rather than describing this, let’s just get a screenshot.
Uh huh.
“But if you’re someone like me who sits on their butt all day playing video games, you may need to prepare yourself.”
That’s another thing. She says “butt” a lot in this video. And derivatives of “It’s so hard.” I won’t even mention the obvious lie of Erin playing video games all day.
Then she starts kicking her legs out.
Uh huh.
“I failed the first time playing because my ass kept landing on the back buttons.”
Uh huh. Ass. And then she demonstrates same in the video.
So that was the first most re-played section. If your heart can handle all the titillation, let’s move on. I’m doing these in chronological order, by the way. There are four large spikes in replay and one huge spike in replay.
3:12 to 3:30 – Here’s the next one. This time Erin is playing some Barbie dancing game. You’re supposed to follow the digitised Barbie as she dances on the pad. But Erin says, “See? I do my own movements” and Erin demonstrates her own dance techniques. As below:
This is hot, right? A 32 year old woman in front of children’s posters, pretending to be interested in video games while wearing a little outfit? I’m totally flaccid here. I need to make that doctor’s appointment.
Then we see Erin’s feet.
“All my years of drill team and cheerleading are finally paying off.”
It’s just creepy.
3:55 – 4:22 – Here’s the third increase in views. These first three are all sort of back to back and then we get a long lull in the middle of the video where she mostly shows game footage. So no feet.
Here’s where the spike starts. Erin is pretending to celebrate the completion of some Barbie game for children.
But here’s the money shot.
“Uh oh. We’re sitting down for this one.”
And we see a middle aged, unemployed woman on a Power Pad playing a children’s game that’s older than she is and pretending to enjoy it. Kicking her legs out.
“Ooh, this is getting hard.”
So you claim, Erin. Repeatedly. I’m not one to boast about impotence but this is just not working for me. I’m sorry. YOU might think that this is hot, the horntards might think that this is hot, but to me this is just creepy and pathetic. There’s nothing erotic about that.
16:46 to 17:25 – This is, by far, the most replayed section of the video. Erin is playing a game where she’s jumping hurdles. Uh huh. You guys enjoy looking at middle aged, flat-chested women jumping around, right? Then this is for you.
Here she is jumping. She does this a couple of times and then she says “yeah” with her terrible acting as if she’s enjoying any of this depravity.
Then there’s extended footage of her feet as she runs and jumps on this thing.
She continues to yell “yeah”. She also grunts. Then in a breathless voice she says, “This is so…hard.”
We get it, Erin. We’re all hard. Hard and ass.
It ends with Erin passing out from fake exhaustion. She exclaims, “I just started.”
18:40 to 19:27 – The final peak is a longer section than the previous ones. She’s playing some game where you have to jump obstacles while on a wooden log. Or something. There’s probably some sex half-joke in there.
It starts with Erin jumping around. Then she screams, “Oh my god”. Okay. Great.
Then we get to see some more of Erin’s feet. She says, “Rafting. I forget what we do here.”
Probably because you’ve never played the game before, Erin. So this is not a case of forgetting. It’s not knowing. It’s not being at all familiar with the material. Why not just say it? Nobody cares. They’re here for feet, not for pro gaming.
Then she jumps a few times.
“Oh my god. We have to jump really high.” And she’s out of breath again.
Then she keeps failing at the game because she never played it before.
Then it finishes with her bending forward like this, showing whatever cleavage she has, and saying, “I’m going to jump the second it starts moving.” Then she fails again because she has no idea how the game works, owing to the fact that she’s never played it before.
So these were the top five most played sections of the video. I don’t get it.
Does she even have nice legs? They look chubby to me. This isn’t toned. But maybe this is what people are looking for. I don’t know. I have no idea what a nice leg looks like. This isn’t the 1920s. I’m not impressed with seeing a woman’s legs.
The whole video is baffling to me. If I found any of this even remotely arousing, I’d say so. But I don’t. It’s pathetic. It’s a pathetic middle aged woman, with no job, in a little outfit, whose appearance can be described as “average at best.” How is this even remotely a hot chick?
And body-wise, there’s nothing that appeals.
Take Madam Fomo, for example. She has big tits. So I get it. I get why those horntards are giving her money.
But Erin? No. It’s a total mystery to me. It’s a dumpy woman with chubby legs and no tits. Not interested.
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SMILE review – Newt Wallen
It’s Newt Wallen, PVC Bondage Girl, that smoking woman from a previous video, and a mystery man all in Newt’s car. At night. Can’t see anything. Is the dome light even on? I don’t know.
I talk about that smoking woman here:
She was awful. But at least she had a job. I’m all about finding the good in people. Horrible people. But even horrible people have good qualities.
0:00 – They introduce everyone. Newt introduces the guy as “that guy”. So we’re off to maybe the worst start of a Youtube video ever.
And PVC Bondage Girl has that terrible, terrible makeup running down her eyes. I can not believe that she goes out in public like this.
The smoking woman is still smoking. What’s the cancer rate like for vaping? High or…what?
Some potentially dangerous chemicals have been found in e-cigarettes. But levels are usually low and generally far lower than in tobacco cigarettes. Exposure may be the same as people who use nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) such as patches or gum. There is no good evidence that vaping causes cancer.
What? And that comes from Cancer Research UK. Can that be right? I’d like a second opinion.
Well, then forget about the wishing cancer on people angle. It’s scumbag behaviour to constantly smoke. Especially in a fucking car with other people in it. Can she not at least stop smoking the 15 minutes it takes to make the video? Nobody wants to see this. Fortunately, nobody can see her because of the terrible lighting in Newt’s car.
2:00 – Newt complains about a puff of smoke from this woman. It’s true. What the fuck is she doing? Can she not stop this? Total scumbag.
Then PVC Bondage Girl says, “You know what’s funny? When I was sitting there, I saw the vape smoke come up and I was like, ‘What fucking asshole is vaping in the theatre?’ and then you were like, ‘Oh, come down to this row.’”
PVC Bondage Girl may have just found herself back in my good graces. It’s true. What kind of total asshole is smoking in a movie theatre? This fat woman has no concept of acceptable social behaviour. It’s not hard. Don’t smoke in public venues. How long has this been a law? Twenty years?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_smoking_bans_in_the_United_States#New_Jersey
New Jersey banned smoking in public places in 2006. This isn’t enough time to catch on?
2:45 – So then this fat chick just fans the smoke away every time she blows out smoke. You know…rather than just STOP SMOKING like a normal person would do.
And given that Newt was surprised by this smoke, I’m thinking that this woman didn’t start smoking until the video started. What a fucking moron. Like we’re supposed to find this cool? Oh, there’s this fat chick smoking in a car. She must be really hip.
No. She’s a total scumbag. Even the other total scumbags in the car are calling her out for this scumbag behaviour. This is scumbag behaviour even for scumbags.
3:00 – Nice bracelet, Newt. I think that he was wearing this in a previous video with PVC Bondage Girl. Is he coming out of the closet with this? It’s a big fake pearl bracelet. In what way can this possibly be considered masculine? Does a masculine bracelet even exist?
3:45 – “Everyone in this car has some form of mental illness so that’s good.”
That was a Newt line. The guy in the back said something to prompt this. I couldn’t really make it out. But yeah, Newt boasting about mental illness.
Then the fat chick starts talking about her fondness for “shroom”. Let’s just move on. She’s a piece of shit. How many times can I say it?
5:00 – Then PVC Bondage Girl dropped some popcorn that she’s been eating throughout this and Newt complained about this. These are the hazards of allowing scumbags into your car.
8:30 – Then they start theorising about which part of New Jersey this movie was filmed in. For the two people out there who might give the slightest of fucks about this.
12:00 – This guy in the back puts his arm around this fat smoking woman. So they’re obviously a couple. And earlier, Newt talked about how PVC Bondage Girl was grabbing on him during the movie when she would get scared. So come on. This is a date. I don’t care that PVC Bondage Girl has a girlfriend who lives in Minnesota. This is clearly a date.
14:00 – Newt retells the myth that John Wayne had a bunch of undigested meat in him when he died. But Newt says this as if it’s a fact. Let me look this up. This has long been debunked, I’m sure.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/meat-your-maker-2/
Yeah. It’s not real.
So that’s the video. Let’s check out The Ideas Man’s Twitter.
Oh, he’s less than 600 subscribers away from 10,000. That’s great, Newt. Keep us posted with hourly updates. I never tire of this information.
Say…here’s a picture of Newt with his arm that prostitute who he pays to hang out with him. Way to go, Newt. You’re a real stud. Go fuck that diseased prostitute.
Oh, I didn’t even see the picture properly. His arm isn’t around her. He’s just standing awkwardly while she puts her knee close to his genitals. That’s hot, right?
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DOOM – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)
Thirty minutes? What the fuck? For a guy who’s so concerned about time, he certainly doesn’t value the time of the audience.
0:30 – But first a word from our sponsor.
I’m going to continue to make the Keeps joke until Keeps is actually a sponsor. Keeps. The sponsor should be Keeps. Because James is experiencing male pattern baldness. It would be funny. Come on. Fucking Joe from Game Sack shills for Keeps and he’s also bald. So why can’t James do it? Shamelessly feed on the insecurities of middle aged men.
Oh. A VPN. I haven’t seen this a billion times already. Why does this VPN continue to pay for these ads for Jimmy? There are surely diminishing returns. Everybody who watches these videos already knows about the VPN.
1:45 – What the fuck. I saw this intro video where he’s simulating being in the Doom game on Reddit. And the Doomguy is bald. I assumed that it was the boys on Reddit who Photoshopped this as a joke. No. This is the actual video.
2:00 – Oh god…this…what? Just invest in some clippers, Jimmy. Put a number two guard on them and go all the way around your head.
2:30 – Weird, edited footage of Data from Star Trek playing Doom. And Jerry Seinfeld from his titular show.
3:00 – Jimmy says that Doom was the first time that he heard about “system requirements”. What? When was Doom released? In 1993. Well, I guess. I knew about system requirements as soon as I got a computer but Jimmy is a bit younger than me and maybe he didn’t get a computer until later.
7:00 – Jimmy talks about how awesome it is that the dead bodies don’t go away. I also thought that this was cool but it’s a pretty autistic thing to mention.
11:30 – The world’s worst acting. He yells “Doom” repeatedly.
Then there’s like a two minute skit. Really bad.
13:45 – Super Nintendo Doom. This is all footage from Mike Matei’s streams, by the way. And I assume that Mike wrote all of this. Or Kieran. The only person who I know didn’t write this is James Rolfe.
Then for the next 12 minutes or so, he briefly discusses various Doom ports. When he runs out of official ports, he just talks about fan-made shit.
24:15 – Poop. Lots of poop. Poop from the butt. Jimmy is jerking off over this.
I…what? Then James inserts a giant gun into his anus and says that he’s going to defecate on some demon. Why would anybody…this is just James’ masturbatory fantasies. Nobody is laughing at this. They can’t be. This is just jerk off material for James Rolfe. It’s gross. I don’t want to see this guy’s disgusting scat fetishes.
27:00 – Ummm…just disgusting, unfunny shit from Jimmy “Scatman” Rolfe. I won’t even describe it.
27:15 – Then it ends with Jimmy entering the video game. Shoots various Doom ports. Then he meets the guy who made Doom, and this guy actually voiced his character, but…the writing is shit and it goes nowhere. That was a wasted opportunity.
28:45 – Written, directed by, and starring James Rolfe.
Uh huh. Sure it was.
Somebody named Marshall Halligan got a “help” credit. Let’s see who that can be.
He’s on Facebook and it says that he works at Screenwave but I can’t see the pictures because I don’t have a Facebook account.
The guy who made the rubber armour in this video also got a credit.
It reminds me of that kid who made all of that cardboard Halo shit. Was it Halo? Penny Arcade did a comic strip about him. This was many years ago. I can’t find it now. Maybe it wasn’t Halo. But it was some game. He made all of the armour and weapons and whatnot.
Oh, here it is. I was right. It was Halo.
https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/07/18/the-man-maker
Anyway, this video. It was fine, I guess, if you appreciate that James Rolfe had no involvement in it other than to be a bad actor. And the ending with all of the defecating was really stupid and detracted from the video.
Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say. Something gay, no doubt.
Nothing interesting.
Some guy from Reddit was remonstrating with me saying that my blog is inferior to the defunct Irate Gamer Sucks blog because the guy who made that blog (Batdan, or something) supported the community whereas I call out the community for being homosexuals. That was the implied argument, anyway,
I guess that it’s true. I don’t support anything that goes on at TheCinemassacreTruth. It’s not the homosexuality that I object to, although many of the people who post there are openly gay and many of the rest of them certainly behave in a homosexual fashion so maybe they’re in the closet. But no, it’s the mindless harassment that I object to. Plus, the weird homoerotic Photoshops, but they haven’t posted stuff like that in a while.
I mean, how can I possibly support any of that? They’re fucking weirdos. If that’s the shit that you want to do with your time, feel free. But I’m not going to say, “Hey, it’s really cool how you keep talking about how big Mike’s penis is.” Because…it’s stupid. I’m not going to support stupidity.
GamerGrrls is not an extension of TheCinemassacreTruth. It’s a respite from that dumb bullshit. It’s a refuge for people who have at least half a brain and want to read something semi-intelligent about Cinemassacre or Erin Plays or what have you.
So no, I’m not supporting that community of cretins. Anyway, it’s 5:40! Gotta go watch my three memes.
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10 Spooky Levels from Non-Horror Games!
THIS is what we waited all year for? Erin in a hooded sweatshirt?
WHERE’S THE “SEXY” COSTUME?
I think that the last time she dressed up in a “sexy” costume was two years ago. I talk about it here:
She was a “sexy” Strawberry Shortcake. She looked like a chubby, tattooed, middle aged woman in a weird as fuck costume. Then she put a jacket on because she was uncomfortable with all of the creepy comments from the horntards.
Maybe she gave up on the “sexy” costumes because it finally dawned on her that she’s not a hot chick. Maybe she felt that she was getting too old for this. Although, frankly, even in her prime she shouldn’t have been dressing up in “sexy” costumes for public consumption. Who, other than horntards, are jerking off to this?
So we get sweatshirt Erin for Halloween. Well, I’m for it. I’m all for people embracing reality. She also rarely uploads videos on Youtube any more. Presumably, she’s realising that this scam is never going to work. Then I suppose the next step is to end the fake relationship with Mike. And go back to California. Get a job like a normal person. This would be the ideal scenario, anyway.
0:15 – “Now, this isn’t going to be every spooky level in a horror game ever made.”
Uhhh…duh, Erin.
“These are just some that I’m interested in discussing right now.”
Stuff that she found during “variety” streams or the hortards told her about or Mike or maybe through Google searches.
0:30 – “If you can think of other spooky levels in non-horror games, feel free to discuss them in the comments.”
She wants the horntards to do all of the work. Because Erin “always” “forgets” which non-horror games have spooky levels.
0:45 – “Remember this commercial for Paperboy on the N64?”
No, Erin. Nor do you.
By the way, she played this game on stream, for money.
1:30 – She likes the “Nickelodeon colour scheme”. Great commentary, Erin.
2:15 – Mario Party 2. Horror Land. Everyone is dressed up as a wizard. “They look so cute.”
Great commentary, Erin.
2:45 – “A very cute pumpkin patch.”
This is fucking awful.
And this is an odd choice. She never played this on stream, for money. So she never played this before.
3:15 – Gex 64. Another odd choice. Has she played this on stream, for money before?
3:30 – “I chuckled every time I heard the Rip Taylor reference.”
She’s a big Rip Taylor fan, guys. You guys know Rip Taylor, right? The guy who hasn’t been seen on television since 1985? One or two years before Erin was born?
4:15 – She’s talking about inconsequential things in the game that she likes. “A destroyed toilet floating in the basement. Maybe it means that the basement was flooded because of the toilet?”
No shit. Of course that’s what it means, you fucking moron. And it’s not floating. You can see water coming out of the fucking toilet.
“Maybe monsters take gigantic dumps.”
We’re supposed to be jerking off to this? She’s catering to the scat fetishists. Well, it works for James Rolfe, I guess.
“Recording this footage made me want to play this game more and get used to the controls.”
Fucking awful. She’s all but admitting that she only played the game once, for the purposes of this video, briefly. Hasn’t even figured out the fucking controls.
4:45 – She says, “I’ll probably be coming back to this one some time.”
Oh, great. We can all look forward to that boring as fuck stream.
5:00 – Duck Tales. Mike has talked about this game many, many times. Gee, Erin. Where do you get your ideas?
6:30 – Tiny Toons: Buster Busts Loose.
7:45 – Taz: Escape from Mars.
She must have been looking at some kind of list of video games based on cartoons. Or Mike just told her all of these and he happened to be thinking of cartoon-based games at the time.
8:30 – She makes a Contra reference that she obviously did not know. Mike told her this.
9:30 – “I like that it’s the Yosemite Sam from the episode Knighty Knight Bugs. And yes, I did have to look up the title of that episode by Googling “Yosemite Sam knight”.
What a bizarre comment. First of all, NOTHING in this entire video, is from Erin’s memory. Erin “always” “forgets”…everything. So everything in here was Googled or she got from Mike or the horntards.
So why focus just on the title of this fucking cartoon? It would be expected from anybody that they would look this up. Very few people know the names of every Looney Tunes short. But she’s self-conscious about this. “Oh, that GamerGrrls guy isn’t going to catch me on this one. I’m just going to beat him to the punch and admit that I looked this one up.” It’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t call her out for this.
But I will mention that she calls these “episodes”. Like they’re tv shows. No, these were theatrical shorts. You idiot.
Oh, and the screenshot she used from this short is taken straight from Wikipedia. Same exact picture.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knighty_Knight_Bugs
10:45 – “Like most people that grew up in the 80s or the 90s in America, I associate Pizza Hut with my childhood.”
I…what? One second, she’s talking about this Tazmanian Devil game, the next she’s talking about Pizza Hut. What’s the relevance? Is she moving on to a new topic? Pizza Hut?
And no, I don’t think that Pizza Hut was so widespread. I went to a Pizza Hut once as a child. Even as an adult, I never went to a Pizza Hut in the US. I didn’t even see any.
“When I think about my childhood Pizza Hut, I of course think about the red cups.”
Erin is all about those hues. She loves colours. All of them. The whole rainbow. And she wants you to know about it. If something has a colour, she’ll be sure to mention it.
Then she talks about the “little arcade area” in the restaurant. You know…the one that she never went to.
This is why she’s talking about Pizza Hut. It was a god awful segue to The Simpsons Arcade Game.
11:15 – “It’s also fun to slam into people with your ass. I wish I could do both of these things in real life.”
The other thing was hit people with a vacuum cleaner. But yeah. “Ass”. Hitting people with your ass. Erin is all about it. She loves to say “ass” in a gratuitous fashion. This is what Shishi and the gang need to cum. They just need to hear a middle aged woman in a sweatshirt saying “ass”.
12:15 – Shout out to “WANPAKU GRAFFITI”! She loves that game. She played a few times, on stream, for money. And she repeatedly referred to it as “Wanpaku Graffiti” even though nobody on earth calls it that. She’s since corrected herself.
12:30 Adventures in the Magic Kingdom. Oh, great. She made a Youtube video of this and probably played it on stream, for money.
“For whatever reason, I seem to reference it a lot.”
Well, it is one of the few games that you’ve played, Erin. This might have been her first Youtube video. It was one of the first videos, anwyay.
Erin’s original idea was to only make videos of “cute” Disney games. Maybe she would have branched out to “cute” games based on cartoons generally. But no, she didn’t go that way. Instead, she decided to do…whatever it is that she does.
14:30 – Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City. She’s a big Michael Jordan fan, guys.
“When I was first told about this game…”
WHEN? Tell us when? When were you first told about this game? I guarantee that it was recently, when she was doing a stream. Why not just say so? NOBODY GIVES A FUCK!
No. She has to constantly make nebulous statements like this to give the impression that she’s a big time “gamer”. Erin loves video games. She’s been playing them all of her life. Hundreds of thousands of hours wasted on video games.
16:45 – Micky Mouse: Land of Illusion.
This better be the last game. This is fucking brutal.
She thinks that some enemies are “really cute”. Fucking fantastic, Erin.
Yeah. That’s the video. This was awful.
Coments.
Oh, Joe from Gamesack replied. He’s a big Erin fan. I’ll just say that.
- “I agree about the controls on the SNES Tiny Toon Adventures game. A decently enjoyable “spooky” level that I can think of off the top of my head is the Transylvania stage in Quackshot. Super scary. If your underwear isn’t soiled after playing that level then perhaps you have no pulse? Actually come to think of it I wouldn’t be surprised if the very large majority of Disney games, at least the ones based on the proper cartoon characters from the past like Mickey, Donald, etc etc have spooky levels in them.”
Ummm…you know that this is a con, Joe. Why feed the lies? Fucking beta orbiter Joe over here.
- “Erin you are crazy beautiful and you make fun videos about video games! Perfect girl!!!”
Pathetic.
- “Prefect time to drop this, I’m ready”
Yeah. He has his dick in his hand, ready to go. Same with Joe from Gamesack.
- “You’re rocking that hair & costume combo, Erin!”
What costume? It was just a hooded sweatshirt.
- “Happy to see you again erin I hope you will post more video often I was worried you will leave YouTube”
Erin replies, “I’m not going anywhere :)”
Well, that’s disappointing on two levels. First, it’s disappointing that she’s not giving up on Youtube. But secondly, “I’m not going anywhere” can also be applied to her own life. She’s done nothing for the past five years. What is she going to do when this Youtube scam ends and Mike kicks her out? What is she going to put on a job application? “Fake Gamer Grrl: 2017-2022”? Nobody is going to be impressed with that.
Erin replies to a comment with, “I can’t believe I didn’t know about Windy City until recently.”
Oh, I can believe it. But why didn’t she say that she only found out about the game recently in the video? She left it intentionally vague.
Anything on Twitter?
“My Halloween video is finally done. Trying to decide when to post it. Do I go by what my analytics say and wait until most of my subs are allegedly on YT, or just post it willy nilly? Decisions, decisions. I’m proud of it, so that means no one will probably see it.”
Erin was “proud” of this piece of shit?
By the way, I copy and paste the comment even though I think that everybody can see the comment…like…in a Twitter format. WordPress automatically does this. I can probably turn the feature off but it’s fine. I just copy and paste it in case there’s some browser or something where this doesn’t show up.
Oh, and we’re treated to some “sexy” pictures. This is a rare treat. We have Erin looking like your childhood friend’s creepy mother, holding a skull. Uh huh. That’s…a fetish for somebody, I guess.
And we have Erin doing that anime pose where the girl makes the “V” sign, crosses her eyes, and sticks her tongue out. This is clearly a sex thing. I don’t get it but I’ve seen people request this pose before. Indeed, I saw somebody ask Erin to do this pose before. Erin isn’t crossing her eyes, though.
Anyway, that one went straight to Shishi’s voluminous Erin Plays spank bank.
Somebody replies, “I was always more of Christmas girl myself.”
But who gives a shit? This is about Erin and Halloween. I will bet anything that that’s a guy in a dress. No woman would make a comment like that, advertising that she’s a woman and trying to draw needless attention to herself.
Yeah. No pictures of this “woman” on “her” Twitter. .Only 41 followers. “She” has Star Trek shit on here. A lot of right wing talking point shit. Definitely a guy.
Somebody replies showing some pumpkins that he carved, it’s some video game nerd shit but he’s obviously a talented pumpkin carver. You know what Erin? You’ll never guess in a million years.
“That’s awesome.”
-
Working in a Casino
After that disastrous graduate school experience, I decided to stay in the area rather than go back to my childhood home like a loser. I was going to try to make the best of things. Get a job. Whatever.
So I got a job in a casino. I had previous casino experience so it wasn’t difficult.
I remember the job interview. The guy was impressed by the college that I went to. Not the graduate school, I don’t think I put it on my resume, but the undergraduate. And I didn’t even go to any kind of prestigious place. But I think that very few university graduates were applying for jobs at this casino.
He asked where I saw myself in five years. That lazy question beloved by shitty job interviewers. And I said that I’d like to be a professor. I still had this idea that I wanted to do something that actually required a university degree. Because otherwise, what was the point of going to college for that whole time?
So I got the job. It was as a security guard. There were a bunch of security guards at this place.
It was a two hour drive from my home to this place and then a 30 minute bus “shuttle” from the parking lot to the casino. So I commuted five hours a day. I had to fill the tank with gas every day, which cost about $15. My rent was $500/month. And I was making $8.50/hour.
I did the orientation. It lasted about three days. All new employees had to do it. There were about 30 of us there. Different departments.
There were two other guys who were also starting as security guards. It was an old white guy and a black guy about my age.
A lot of these new employees didn’t speak English. They weren’t Mexican, though, as you might expect. They were from India and China. I don’t know where this casino was getting so many Indian and Chinese workers but they were there. And they had no idea what was going on at this orientation.
It was the usual orientation bullshit. Stupid group work and shit. I hated every second of that nonsense but put up with it.
Then after the three days, we get our assignments. We didn’t even know what days or times we’ll be working until after orientation.
So I’ll be working the evening shift (5.00 pm to midnight), as was this old white guy, and the black guy will be working overnights (midnight to 8.00 am). He was not happy with that. And it did stink of racism. But what are you going to do?
We were also divided into two teams. It was a big casino so half of the security team worked in one area and the other half worked in the other area. One team clearly had the better candidates. I was in this elite team.
And then I saw the overnight crew. Holy shit. Absolute dregs of society. There was a fat goth chick with a bunch of crazy makeup. Shit like this. And that black guy was there. Clearly the most professional-looking guy in the group. Some woman who trained us during this orientation kind of apologised to him for him going to the overnight crew.
The woman who trained us had absolutely massive tits. She was in her mid to late 30s and not a looker. But massive, massive tits. Like freak show material. She was from West Virginia. This casino was in New England.
Most of the security guards were either in their early to mid 20s or like in their 50s or 60s. Very little in between. It was either people who were in their 20s and desperate for any kind of work and people in their 50s and 60s who were only doing the job to get medical insurance and trying to coast to retirement. The job had medical insurance and in the US, at least 20 years ago I don’t know about now, the only affordable way to get medical insurance is if your job offers it. And if you don’t have medical insurance, you’re completely fucked, especially if you’re an old person who needs medical care.
So I was doing this job. It was fucking shit. I was the only person who had a degree.
There were a lot of hot chicks there, though. Many of them prostitutes. I remember seeing this one Chinese woman, big tits, in a little dress, and she’s with some old fat white guy in his 50s who spent a lot of time in some poker tournament.
I saw a homosexual couple at the slot machines just feeding $100 bills into the machine. It was $100 a pull. And they were getting nothing. Hundred dollar bill after hundred dollar bill. They didn’t get anything back.
And a lot of old people. REALLY old people. They would literally bus them in from nursing homes. So you’d see these senile people in front of slot machines everywhere you look. Some would have colonoscopy bags and respirators and whatnot. This is the lifeblood of the casino industry: dementia patients.
A lot of Chinese people too. There was a whole section of the casino just for Chinese games. There are casino games that are popular in China and they’d be played here. All of the dealers were Chinese. All of the players were Chinese. And it was overwhelmingly old men. Gambling is popular in China but mostly with old men.
I made friends with an 18 year old guy from New Mexico. He was a security guard too. He started a little bit after I did. He said that that Chinese prostitute with the big tits talked to him. Just asked how he liked working here and shit like this. So I was jealous of that.
He had moved to New England to be with his girlfriend. They met on the internet. This was a pretty new thing 20 years ago. He said, “I know it’s nerdy but whatever.” His girlfriend’s parents had a separate part of their house that they rented to this guy and their daughter.
A lot of hot Asian women there. There were a lot of entrances into the casino floor and you’re supposed to check ID’s and whatnot if people look under 21. But whenever I worked one of these entrances, my policy was to only check ID’s if you look under 21 and you’re not a hot Asian chick. Hot Asian chicks got a free pass when I was working there.
There was also a middle aged black guy who started working there. He was a security guard too. And he was really unhappy with the pay. I don’t know what job he had before this but he was not pleased with $8.50/hour.
One time, I was guarding the entrance to the bathroom and I noticed a woman sitting on another woman’s lap at the slot machines. Just right in front of me. They were carrying on. People would walk by and stare. Some guy came over to me and said something like, “I bet you wish that was you.”
Then this middle aged black co-worker guy came over. And he’s looking at this and I thought that he was going to make a comment about how sexy it is that there’s these two hot chicks getting it on with each other. But no. He was really disappointed with what he was seeing.
He said, “Look at that. Two women wasting their lives. These are good looking women. They could get husbands. They could have families. But they’re doing this instead.”
Anyway, another perk of the job were the free meals. We got one free meal a day. That’s why people would work there, along with the medical insurance. People worked just for the free meal a day.
And it was like a buffet style thing. You could take as much as you want. They had a big Chinese food selection to cater to all of the Chinese people working there. I’m guessing more than half of them weren’t in the country legally. None of them seemed to speak English.
There were a lot of Polish people working there too. They were exchange students at some college or something. They would work there in the summers.
One time I was in the hotel, there was a hotel attached to the casino, and a prostitute got into the elevator with me. And she said, “It must be fun working in a casino.” She was just trying to be friendly. But by this point, I really hated the job and I wasn’t thinking, and I said, “This is the shittiest job I’ve ever had.” And she just smiled.
It didn’t occur to me that this is a prostitute and I shouldn’t complain about my job because she’s getting fucked in the ass every night for a living.
There was a manager there who was a real asshole. He was in his 30s and like five foot two. He had little man syndrome. And he didn’t like me because we had an argument over some bullshit. So he started giving me the shittiest jobs. Every two hours, you worked a different job. You could be at an entrance or wandering the casino floor, or whatever. I don’t remember exactly but some jobs were easier than others. Some jobs allowed you to sit, for example.
But whenever he was in charge of the schedule, he would be all the shitty jobs. So one day, I just said fuck it, I’m quitting.
There were like five managers. So I speak to the two top managers, tell them that I’m quitting and it’s because this manager keeps me the shitty jobs. And one of the guys says, “Well, what jobs would you like then?” And I said, “It’s not my job to do the schedule but he’s intentionally giving me all of the bad jobs, every single time.” So this manager said, “No, don’t quit, I’ll talk to him and it will all be resolved.” So I didn’t quit.
And I told these managers, “I don’t need this job. I have a degree.” At the time, I was thinking that having a degree counted for something.
Things were fine for a few days. I got the really cushy jobs at first. That’s not even what I wanted, though. I just wanted things to be done fairly. Give everybody an equal turn at the good and bad jobs. But no. You give somebody the tiniest bit of power and they abuse it.
So things quickly just went back to how it was. When I saw the schedule that had me in the basement all day, that’s when I quit for good.
The whole experience lasted three months.