Gamer Girls

Isn’t this a children’s movie?

Oh. Yeah. I looked it up. I never saw it but I remember the commercials. The always awful Bette Midler. Why would they remake this fucking thing? Thirty years later? Bette Midler must be 100 years old now.

Wow. She’s “only” 76. She seemed old as fuck in 1993 but she was about my age.

Anyway, let’s see what the Ideas Man has to say.

He’s in some movie theatre. Presumably one that he worked or works in because why else would they allow him to film this?

Newt says that he only saw the first movie last year. Why was he watching it? It’s a children’s movie. And a bad one, from all accounts.

1:15 – “I’ve never been to Salem. I’ve always wanted to go to Salem. I’ve never been to Roswell. I want to go to the Mothman(???) Like, I want to do shit. That’s what happens when you ran movie theatres all those years and didn’t have any money or free time.”

I’ve been to Salem. I had a job interview there. You’re not missing anything.

1:45 – “Up until the mid 1990s, kids’ movies still had teeth. The first movie has a lot of jokes about virginity and boobs and stuff like that. I was like, ‘Oh, you can still get away with characters talking about stuff like eating children back then.’ Now, like in this one, it’s toned down.”

Newt is actually complaining that a CHILDREN’S MOVIE doesn’t have tits and gore. Does he want to see Bette Midler’s geriatric tits? This is disgusting. We don’t need tits and gore in every fucking movie.

4:15 – “Sarah Jessica Parker, who I think is hot, and you’re all crazy to make fun of how she looks.”

Sarah Jessica Parker is probably the most well-known horse-faced woman of our time. Clear reference to Crystal Quin aka Horseface McGee.

5:30 – Newt says “dodgy CGI”. “Dodgy” is a British term. Maybe it’s been adopted. Like “queue”. Although, I think that “queue” is misused by Americans.

6:00 – “Disney’s been a terrible company for years and years and years who only just recently is accepting of people. But they go, ‘Oh, that’s the first gay character’ but they’re in the background and out of focus. Or, ‘That’s the first trans character. Which one? Oh, they’re over there.’”

Newt really likes the ladyboys. He wants more ladyboys in Disney children’s movies. And they should be topless and covered in blood.

What a sick fuck. Who would possibly want to see this?

Maybe they could do yet another remake of Freaky Friday but the son switches bodies with the mother. So then you have the mother (who has the brain of a boy) struggling in a woman’s body and he tries to dress masculine and shit. And the boy (who has the brain of a woman) struggles in a boy’s body and tries to dress feminine.

This is genius. I guarantee that this film will be made within the next five years. Possibly by Newt. He’s all about plagiarism, ladyboys, and tits and gore.

I’d also like to see another remake of The Shaggy Dog but with scenes of bestiality. The dog fucking his wife, for example. Why not? The dog has the brain of a human. It’s the guy’s real life wife.

Anyway, enough of this filth. Back to The Ideas Man.

6:45 – “Granted, I’m a straight, 40 year old, white dude who’s had nothing but white characters my entire life. So I don’t know. Everybody’s been like, Oh, that character is like me’”.

Newt was making some comments about how there should be more representation of ladyboys and whatnot in motion pictures. And then he condemns himself, yet again, for being a white man. Newt HATES being a white man.

But where is this representation in cinema of 40 year old men who work in movie theatres? Where’s the movie about a heroic plagiarist who’s in love with Sarah Jessica Parker?

There’s none of this. There are very few films about working class white people. Plenty of films about rich white people. And there are films about impoverished racial minorities. But not many about working class white people.

And it’s this sort of thing that gives dimwits like Newton R Wallen the idea that white people are rich and non-white people are poor. No. He must know that he’s not rich. He said as much earlier in this very video. But for whatever reason, he still thinks that he’s somehow advantaged over other people. What has this advantage given him?

The advantages come from class, not race. Your race is irrelevant. Rich black people behave just as poorly as rich white people.

7:15 – “I looooove Bette Midler. I’ve always been such a huge Bette Midler fan.”

What? Really? Impossible.

“Her cover of Martha. Tom Waits’ song, is one of those songs that will make me cry my eyes out every fucking time I hear it.”

Somehow this one passed me by. And I never even heard of Tom Waits. Let me check it out.

Oh, right. From her 1979 appearance on Saturday Night Live. That’s the only time this was recorded. How silly of me not to have heard this.

How often is he fucking hearing this? It’s surely never played on the radio. This was never released. The only place he can hear this is on Youtube and their bad slideshow version. He must be seeking this out.

Anyway, it’s just a fat Jew crying for three minutes about a phone call or something.

7:45 – Newt is excited about a new Sister Act. Oh, maybe we’ll get some tits and gore out of Whoopi Goldberg. Newt would love that. A gay, black, Jewish woman getting her tits out. At the age of 75 or whatever she is now.

8:00 – “Are there no new ideas? Yes.”

The irony.

10:45 – Newt gives his IDIOTIC plagiarised movie idea for a film called Hocus Smokus. I won’t dignify this by describing it.

11:00 – Newt calls himself The Idea Man.

What? Have I got this wrong the whole time? I thought that he was The Ideas Man. Plural. Maybe he got it wrong. But why would he get his own name wrong? I’ll have to go back and look for previous mentions of this.

That’s the video. But something that’s never explained is…Newt said that this film was just released via streaming. So…why is he sitting in a movie theatre? It wasn’t released in theatres, right? Maybe he just happened to be in the last surviving porno theatre and decided to record this video about a children’s movie.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jpmioxVY9U

0:00 – “I was reading some comments from people who just discovered the channel and they were like, ‘He’s got a setup like it’s 2007 Youtube.’  I was like, I don’t know if I take that as a negative because in 2007 Youtube, people were still allowed to be funny.  You didn’t have the PC Police all up in your business.”

It’s true that Youtube has really cracked down on profanity and sexual content and whatnot but it’s not the setting that made things better.  

I used to watch Pruane2Forever.  He would mostly do vlogs from his bedroom where he would talk about a movie that he saw or school or whatever.  And they were funny because Pruane had some charisma.

Then he got really jaded as he got older and didn’t look so ridiculous.  His popularity mainly stemmed from the fact that he was a weird looking kid.  As he got older, he didn’t look so weird so people stopped watching.  

For the last couple of years of his Youtube career, he contemplated doing other kinds of content.  Making movies, doing prank videos, shit like this.  Things that were popular at the time because vlogs had become passe.  But he didn’t really stick with it.  He made a couple of little movies with his friends, most were terrible, some were okay (like his Grand Theft Auto rip off called Van City or something) but then he just quit.

You can find him on Instagram now feeling sorry for himself.  And some weird guy who does, “Do you remember this old Youtuber” shit did an episode on Pruane a year or two ago.  He’s probably in his mid to late 20s now.  He’s doing some menial job in Canada.  Good for him, I guess.  He’s doing an actual job.  Not begging for change on Youtube.

Speaking of which, we’ve got Newt with his Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers t-shirt.  The Ideas Man is all about that tits and gore.

1:00 – Newt says of Rob Zombie, “It’s cool that he cast his wife in everything because she’s his muse.  That’s great.”

Newt is really into muses.  But I’ve been thinking.  Newt hasn’t mentioned Horseface in months now.  Not that I’ve heard, anyway.  Well…actually, I just thought of a recent example.  But he used to be absolutely obsessive about it.  He’d mention her constantly.  But he hasn’t done that in a while.  So good for Newt.

1:30 – “I love The Munsters.  I grew up on The Munsters.  And the move The Munsters Go Home and The Munsters Today in the 1980s.  Then in 1996, there was a tv movie. “

Oh, do tell.  I somehow doubt that he enjoyed the 1980s Munsters show.  NOBODY did.  Same with the tv movie.  

Then he says that he enjoys both The Addams and The Munsters but in terms of adaptations, “The Addams Family is way ahead.”

Well, there was the successful movie in the 1990s and a less successful sequel or two but other than that…what adaptations are there?

Oh, maybe he’s talking about The Maddams Family, the 1991 pornographic adaptation starring Ron Jeremy, Ona Zee, and featuring Charisma  as Cousin Tit.  Yeah, it’s a pretty good one.  

Ona Zee was huge in the late 1980s and into the 1990s.  I didn’t get it.  What’s the appeal?  But Charisma was great.

5:15 – Shout out to Big Bad Beetleborgs.  

I have actually seen this.  I’ve never seen Power Rangers because I was too old for that shit but for some reason, I did happen to catch a few episodes of Big Bad Beetleborgs.  And I think that Newt is right.  It does seem to bear a resemblance to this new Munsters movie.  All the colours and whatnot.

Wow.  I was in college when this was on.  So Newt would have been in high school, I think, which is still too old to be watching Big Bad Beetleborgs.

I’m at the ten minute mark.  Newt is just summarising the movie.  Basically, he doesn’t like it because there’s not any tits and gore.  I’m not even joking.  

11:30 – “It almost feels like a fuck you to people who say, ‘Why do you put your wife in everything?’ and it’s like, ‘Well, it’s because she’s my muse and I make better art because of her.’”

I’m so fucking sick of Newt and his muse Horseface.  What was the good art that Newt was making with Horseface.  Show me.  Nothing that I’ve seen Horseface in is even remotely watchable. And this is all shit that Newt was directing and writing and filming and whatever.  It’s awful.  The entire Newt/Horseface filmography is unwatchable.  

12:00 – “Her assistant is this kind of heavyset, moustached, oily, Italian-looking dude and I was like, ‘Oh, I’ve met people like that before.’”

I think that this is a dig at Tony from Hack the Movies.

Also, right before this he made a “wolf/woof” reference, which was a dig at James Rolfe.

17:45 – I’m bored as fuck so I turned the chat replay on.  Newt said, “I wrote a script called JAPANSYLVANIA at the old company that got shot down. but was beetle borgs meets scooby doo”

Way to go, Ideas Man.  More plagiarised bullshit that nobody is interested in.

I have two minutes left but I’m just going to declare this one done.  Let’s see what the ladyboys have to say about this.

– “I loved this review and I’m looking forward to more guests!”

So we’ve got a horny retard here.  Wants to see some more “sexy” skanks.

Newt replies, “I only have so many friends left. So you will meet all of em”.

Everybody please feel sorry for Newt.  He seems to only have about twenty friends.  At least.  None of them are his muse, though.

Let’s check out his Twitter.  Maybe he gives us an update on how many views he’s getting on Youtube or whatever.

He re-tweets somebody talking about how Coolio died.  Newt CONSTANTLY re-rweets shit about dead celebrities.  Celebrities who he’s never talked about in his fucking life.