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SimCity (SNES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) – Cinemassacre
Mike recently streamed this. For many, many hours. And he did it in the most boring way possible. He just made a grid and did the same formula over and over and over again for the whole map.
I played some SimCity but I mostly played SimCity 2000. And I’d do the same autistic bullshit. Just make a grid and do the same pattern for the whole map. But I’d look at their scenario cities or whatever, which were based on actual cities, and I’d think, “I wish I was creative/artistic enough to do something like that.”
Here we have Mike Matei, world-renowned artist, doing this fucking autistic bullshit for 15 hours or whatever it ended up being.
And as it turns out, it was all just for an AVGN video. These people don’t play games just to play games. Everything has to be for money. And James isn’t even playing games for money. He’s doing nothing. He’s reading a bad script that somebody else wrote for money.
0:00 – But first a word from our sponsors: Keeps.
James, you’re not fooling anybody with that fucking Mortal Kombat hat. YOU’RE BALD! When is he going to get over it? He’s been noticeably bald for at least ten years. It should no longer be a shock to him.
But no, it’s not Keeps, it’s that same fucking VPN. “Please break the terms and conditions of your Netflix account.”
How do you even know which countries are showing which movies on Netflix? Is there a list somewhere? I don’t even know how such a list could be useful. You’d have to have a list of every movie and tv show being shown in every region. And it must change constantly. It’s not something that a team of ten people could even do manually. Or 100 people. I’m not seeing any websites that show this.
1:30 – “What is a video game?”
Really? We’re doing this? “Webster’s dictionary defines ‘baldness’ as the state of being without hair.”
3:45 – He says that the highest level you can get in the game is “megalopolis”. This was the entire point of Mike’s stream. That was his goal. That’s why he was doing this autistic shit instead of something more creative. He openly stated at the start of the stream that he was doing this because he wanted to get to megalopolis. Now we know why. It was for this stupid fucking video. You get a Mario statue in the game for completing this.
4:15 – “I’ve always wanted that statue ever since the magazine taunted me.”
No you didn’t. This was just Mike’s idiotic idea for a video. So he streamed it for however many hours. Couldn’t even do it in his spare time. Everything has to be monetised.
5:45 – He calls the city “Shit City”. Get it? Poop. James Rolfe’s disgusting scat fetish strikes again.
9:00 – James Rolfe, or whoever is playing this, uses a cheat code for unlimited money. How fucking pathetic is this? Whoever is playing this can’t even play it properly.
10:00 – They showed this bit of game footage at least three times already. Unbelievably lazy.
11:15 – James showing off his badass tattoo.
11:45 – Then there’s just a “bonus” game review for some reason. They ran out of ideas for Sim City. It’s Kung Food for the Atari Lynx.
14:00 – Back to Sim City. Whoever is playing this isn’t even playing the game properly. Aside from the money cheat code, they’re putting one bit of railroad track down every two spaces. It’s some exploit.
14:45 – Whoever is playing this is demolishing all of the schools and hospitals saying that it’s required to reach the required population. It isn’t. They’re also putting a bunch of police departments next to each other suggesting that this is necessary as well. It’s not. It’s totally pointless and surely not helping at all.
16:30 – “They complain about housing costs but how am I supposed to fix that?”
I’m guessing that you build more residential areas, Jimmy.
Then it ends with a dumb skit. He doesn’t even get the Mario statue, which was the entire premise of the video.
Directed and written by James Rolfe. Uh huh. Sure it was.
Edited by Sean O’Rourke.
Gamesplay by James and Mike. Uh huh. In what percentages? 99% Mike, 1% James?
Pointless. Dumb. Stupid. These are the words that spring to mind when thinking about this video.
Well, at least there was just the one poop reference. And there was no destroying of the game. There was no long, contrived, “I’d rather (whatever) a (whatever) in the (ass) while (whatever) watches and (jacks off)” bullshit.
So it wasn’t good but there was an absense of some bad things that I don’t like. I don’t know. It was boring. I’m going to take a nap now. Dream about that chubby Asian woman who worked at Screenwave. I wonder if she’s still there.
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ITS SUSHI DAY – Newt Wallen
We’ve got that fucking crack whore Horseface replacement standing in front of a sushi restaurant with some other whore. God, I fucking hate this crack whore. I don’t know why even Newt puts up with this. Are there no other red-haired whores who he can find? She’s awful. Out of the pantheon of whores that Newt has introduced us to, fucking crack whore over here is the worst BY FAR. She makes Horseface look subdued. She makes Fallon look like a genius. She makes PVC Bondage Guy look like a model of good mental health.
Let’s just watch this video and you’ll see what I mean. I suffered through it once already which is why I’m already worked up.
0:00 – “We eat sushi. A lot of it.”
Great. Good use of the English language. And she’s CONSTANTLY pushing her breasts together or otherwise adjusting them to reveal MORE cleavage. And you can already see her shrivelled old tits in this fucking whore outfit that she’s got on. Madam, you’re 40 and you’re addicted to crack cocaine. Enough of this. It’s time to put some clothes on. Nobody wants to see this.
So this fucking crack whore is there with some other whore. She met her from the set of XXX-Mas. You guys all saw XXX-Mas, right? That fucking blockbuster. If they sold 50 copies, I’d be astonished.
0:15 – “Actually, Shawn is the one who introduced me to Sushi AI.”
You’re probably thinking, “She mentioned who Shawn is, right?” NO. We’re just supposed to know. Like we all know Shawn. Is this somebody involved with XXX-Mas? Let me look this up, if there’s even information on this “film.”
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm13539356
Maybe this guy. Shaun Scott. He played Jack Rabbit. That memorable character.
Can’t find any pictures of him. Cant’ find any information about him. We’re just supposed to know who this fucking guy is. Shaun. Shaun from XXX-Mas. I guess. I only assumed that last part. Maybe it’s Shawn Kemp.
What’s that guy doing these days? Arrested in 2023 in connection with a driveby shooting. How embarrassing. 53 years old and still doing this shit. Seven children with six women. God bless multiculturalism.
I can hear my girlfriend saying, “You always talk about black people like white people are so perfect.” You’re right. There’s no shortage of scumbags in all races. We’ve got a couple of humdingers right here in this video.
So the other whore says, “I’ve know about Sushi AI since college.” This woman went to college? I know that it doesn’t mean anything. Literally anybody can go to college in the US. But you look at the statistics and it’s something crazy like…I’ll say 30% of Americans have college degrees. Let me look this up.
35% have a bachelor’s degree or higher.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Educational_attainment_in_the_United_States
Depending on the type of jobs you do and the type of people you hang around with, you might think that everybody has a degree. No. I’ve had shitty jobs where not a single person anywhere had a degree. This is normal. Two-thirds of the population: no degree.
I wonder what the UK degree attainment is. I’ll bet it’s a lot lower. No, it’s about the same.
It’s meaningless. But it’s just surprising how few people have degrees given how easy it is to get one. You just put the time and the money in. It’s not about intellect. You just buy it.
For what it’s worth, I advise people not to go to college/university unless you’re planning on doing a particular job that requires a particular degree. Nurse, doctor, lawyer, teacher, that sort of shit. It’s a total waste of time and money otherwise. I never had a job that required a degree and I never will.
Anyway, this dumb whore has a degree. Look where it got her. Case in point.
0:30 – It’s $15 for all you can eat sushi, including appetizers. This crack whore really wants you to know the details. Then the other whore says, “I paid extra because I can’t finish my food like a bitch. It’s over there.”
I think what she’s indicating is that she paid extra to take the leftovers out. She points to a bag on the floor, some distance from them.
Then the crack whore says, “Yeah…ummm…I have a hollow leg. Got to keep…keep the fat on.”
You might be thinking, “What the fuck does this mean?” Well, I’ve given it a lot of thought and I think what was going through her crack-addled mind was that she has a hollow leg so she’s hiding food in there. To avoid payment. Because there’s apparently a charge to take food out, which is kind of weird in itself but I understand that it’s a buffet. You’re not supposed to really take food out.
So I get the first sentence. Kind of. But…”Got to keep the fat on”? I think that this is just a reference to her eating a lot at the buffet. I don’t know.
Then the other whore says, “I’ve got some hollow tits.”
She’s just trying to keep up with this complete insanity. Nothing is making sense. This is the random ramblings of a crack whore.
1:00 – “I think everyone who’s going to be in the new movie that we’re going to be in…the new…pool…movie…”
She doesn’t know the name.
Then she clearly looks at her notes and awkwardly says “Amityville…Pool…Toy…Massacre.”
Some other whore then walks by and calls these two whores “cute” or something. I don’t know.
Then the one whore starts saying, “I miss the Midwest so much” while crack whore says, “Oh, a diamond shop.” Then the other whore says, “I want to go in there but with a penis. Not me having one but someone else having one.”
Ummm…what in the name of fuck is any of this? First of all, why does she miss the Midwest? Where are they anyway? Let me see if I can find this restaurant.
Missouri. Is that in the Midwest? I’d say South. Let me check.
No, it’s definitely in the Midwest. I was thinking it was by Mississippi. Just because of the similar names, really.
So she misses the Midwest, I guess, because of the folksy people who pay compliments to whores. But where has she been? She’s apparently from Missouri. I guess. I mean, she went to college there anyway. And they seem to be living there. At least one of them is. I think. Whatever. Who gives a shit?
But then she says that she wants to enter this diamond shop “with a penis”. By which she means a man. This is how she refers to men, apparently.
Nobody talks like this. I don’t care how big of a misandrist you are, NOBODY refers to men in this way. Just like no man, no matter how big a misogynist, says, “Boy, I’d love to go into this strip club with a pussy.” BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. As this dumb whore quickly points out, she doesn’t mean that she wants to go in with a penis of her own, but rather she’s using this to refer to a man. Because the first thing you think of when somebody says, “I want to go in there but with a penis” is that you want to go in there with…I don’t even know…carrying a penis? YOU’RE AN IDIOT!
1:45 – Crack whore keeps mentioning that every whore in this proposed “movie” has “buoyancy”, which is supposed to be a sexy reference to big tits. Nobdoy is aroused. NOBODY.
Then the other whore says, “The most buoyant part of me is my brain.” It’s a reference to her being stupid but…does it hold up? What’s the joke about breasts being buoyant anyway? That they’re full of fat, I guess. So…if your brain is full of fat, I guess that would be indicative of low intelligence. “Fat head” is an insult for stupid people. I guess by sheer luck, that desperate, throwaway line did hold up to scrutiny.
2:15 – Crack whore says that next month they’re “filming” this movie. It’s in Delaware, by the way. Why is it in Delaware? Newt lives in Pennsylavania. The whores live in Missouri. Why Delware? All they need is a pool. A pool and whores.
I’m telling you that there is absolutely NO WAY that this is going to get filmed. None. Zero. No fucking chance of it. That “investor” is going to reverse the charge or something. There is no way that it’s happening. This fucking piece of shit? Nobody is going to pay for this. I don’t care how retarded they are.
Crack whore says that she doesn’t know who dies and who doesn’t. Not even her own character. She didn’t read the fucking script.
2:45 – “We’re flying Southwest so we have two giant checked bags that we can check for free.”
God. Look at this. This crack whore considers CHECKED LUGGAGE as some kind of proof that she’s living large. Wow. Southwest Airlines. Now you’re traveling in style. TWO checked luggages for FREE? What a fucking luxury.
“So how many sex toys do you think we can fit in one bag?”
Well, it’s a simple math question, really. Give me the dimensions of the sex toy and then the volume of the bag.
But the more important question is “why?” Why would they bring sex toys to a film shoot? There’s not going to be any sex scenes. This is weird, zero-budget, softcore porn that NOBODY is going to watch and it’s not even going to get made.
This was just another weird attempt at being “sexy” by this fucking crack addicted whore. How much crack can you fit in that bag? That’s what she’s really wondering.
3:00 – Then the other whore starts counting how many sex toys she actually has. She says, “Seven or eight or nine but that includes the lingerie and the lube and the condoms.”
IN WHAT UNIVERSE ARE ANY OF THOSE ITEMS SEX TOYS?
And this is a whore. Alright? It’s a legit, no-fooling, sex for money, whore. She only has a few items of lingerie? I’m thinking that most whores have entire wardrobes of lingerie. People want different shit. You have repeat customers. You’re going to wear the same Carol Brady nightgown every time? Mix it up. People want something different and exciting. You should have various costumes as well. Nurse, policewoman, cowgirl, whatever.
The crack whore then says that they also need to bring tripods and lights. YOU’RE THE “ACTORS”! Why are the actors bringing the fucking equipment?
3:30 – “If you want us to wear something on set, we would be happy to make a deal.”
It doesn’t sound like you have anything. And make a deal? What? She wants us to pay. She’s already getting paid, apparently, but she wants MORE money for wearing a particular outfit that you want. But…how many wardrobe changes are there going to be? And I think that it mostly takes place in a pool so…you’re kind of limited to swimsuits, right?
Anyway, I want that crack whore to wear one of those sailor swimsuits that they wore in Victorian times. Cover that shit up, madam. We don’t need to see your track marks.
So that’s the video. Terrible. Terrible, terrible, awful, terrible woman. I don’t want anything specifically bad to happen to her, I just want the earth to swallow her whole and we never have to see or hear from her again. Is that asking too much? Some people have absolutely no value. Crack whore is such a person. I don’t mean crack whores generally, I mean this crack whore in particular.
Astonishingly awful person. I don’t know how Newt does it. Where does he find this absolute human garbage? Like finds like, I guess.
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Video Game Collection 2024 – How much I sold (and for how much) – Cannot be Tamed
Whoa! Another hot video from Pam. Looks like she’s hiding a smuggling a couple of watermelons up in there, am I right? Trying to sneak that fruit over the border so that she can visit her “friend” Pele.
0:15 – These tattoos are really putting me off. What a terrible decision that was. “I’m 40 years old. Time to get all tatted up.”
1:15 – She’s going to show the spreadsheets of what she sold. HOT! Show those formulas, baby. Autosum? More like autocum.
2:00 – She sold 49 games at some nerd convention with her girlfriend Pele aka Michelle and got $1875 for it. The most expensive item was a Gun-Nac for $400. These prices are all in Canadian dollars. So $1875 is $1375 American dollars.
5:00 – She went to a different nerd convention. She sold 32 items worth $1150 here. That’s $850 American.
None of this is worth doing. How much is your time worth? And then having to deal with these fat fucking nerds? Pam has made it clear in this video that she HATES dealing with them. She hates haggling. She hates dealing with the horntards. I mean…I don’t blame her but then why do it? Just put the shit on Ebay.
8:00 – She says that she doesn’t know what to do with her unsold 100+ games. They’re on her shelf. She says that she hasn’t even alphabetised them “And that’s insane for me.” Hello, autism.
She ends the video by saying that she’s selling this shit to pay for her dog’s vet bills. And she’s thinking of putting this shit on Facebook Marketplace. No mention of Ebay.
Is Ebay no good any more?
I recently subscribed to this guy. He’s kind of an asshole. In this very video, he hassles the old man in the thumbnail over a joke that he told. The guy is selling deer antlers and suggests that he can grind them to use as medicine. The store owner inexplicably gets offended by this and keeps saying, “What kind of disease do you think I have?”
It’s called a joke, asshole.
But this guy has a pawn shop but they don’t call it a pawn shop. They call it a “resale shop”. They don’t actually offer loans like a pawn shop does.
So people come in, it’s a lot of junkies and people selling stolen shit, but sometimes it’s just desperate people or clueless people. He offers them a pitance and then just puts the shit on Ebay.
I don’t get it. Why are these people not putting the stuff on Ebay themselves? Even by his own admission, he offers 50% of what he thinks he can get for the items. Why give him 50%? Just sell the shit on Ebay yourself. It’s free. Ebay takes a cut but it’s not 50%. And you include the cost of the shipping so that doesn’t cost you anything.
Everything that people bring in, he says, “Oh, this is a piece of shit. Look at the scratch here. I can only pay ten bucks” or whatever. But when somebody wants to buy something from him, suddenly it’s all priceless treasures.
There was an immigrant from India or somewhere who wanted to buy a laptop. And this Jew owner says, “Brand new, this is a $1500 laptop”. Yeah. But it’s not brand new. That thing is from three years ago. Put a reasonable fucking price on it.
And this is his big complaint when people come in, when they talk about how much something costs new. He’s always the first one to say, “Well, it’s not new, it’s used.”
He talks about his fucking cabin and all of this shit. And his employees are making a pitance. Fuck him.
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VACATION POLTERGEISTS – At It Again – Chris Bores
I think that I found a new favourite channel. I haven’t laughed this hard in I don’t know how long.
So he recorded this with his phone and originally published the video on Twitter. It has these annoying words that light up as he speaks. Like the transcript.
0:00 – He talks about “battling all of the dark crazies on the other side.”
He’s with his family on vacation for Memorial Day. He’s staying in a cabin. He has a golf cart. He’s not golfing, I think he’s just at some place where you can go to…I don’t know. He doesn’t explain. But there are other places to go to at this venue and you’re expected to tool around in a golf cart to do that. That’s humiliating. I would never go to such a place.
So he was coming back from the pool with his family, while riding on this golf cart. He only used it for ten minutes. Then it died in the middle of the road.
0:30 – “I looked at my wife and I was like, ‘Here we go again.’ We have the worst luck with electronics because these things just attack the electronics.”
The golf cart broke down so Chris’ immediate reaction is, “It must be ghosts.”
I would have liked to hear about his wife’ reaction to this. Is she going along with this ghost nonsense?
How seriously is Chris taking this? He knows that it’s bullshit, surely. How can he not? He’s developing these cheap contraptions and going on local news programs at Halloween. This is a scam. He can’t believe this.
But I don’t know. Maybe he does. Because he says a lot of absolutely batshit crazy stuff that I’m pretty sure that he believes in. Not limited to the undead. He’s mentally ill.
The comments in these videos are 100% making fun of Chris. There’s not one person who believes any of this shit. So if it’s a scam, it can’t possibly be a successful one. Maybe, at least on some level, he believes this nonsense about ghosts haunting his vacation golf cart.
Why would a ghost attack a golf cart? If the ghost wanted to kill Chris, wouldn’t they attack his car when he’s going 80 miles an hour?
Are ghosts even interested in electronics? How long have these ghosts been dead? Do they even know what this shit is? You think some Colonial-era ghost knows how to disable a golf cart? They’ve never seen such a thing when they were alive. Were they studying this shit in the afterlife? Maybe took an automotive course in the afterlife?
Even if it was the ghost of somebody who died fairly recently, which you don’t hear about often. Ghosts tend to be from the old days. But even if it was somebody who died recently, they’d still have to know about the inner workings of a golf cart. I’d have no fucking idea how to disable a golf cart. I’d be the worst poltergeist ever, at least as far as electronics go.
And why Memorial Day? Why target Chris on Memorial Day? Is the day relevant? Maybe it’s the ghost of a dead soldier who’s upset that Chris is tooling around in a golf cart on Memorial Day instead of honoring the war dead. The ghost is angry that the holiday has been turned into an excuse to have barbeques.
0:45 – So anyway, Chris goes to the office and they get the golf cart started again no problem. Chris asks the guy if golf carts breaking down is a normal thing. The guy says no. The guy obviously thinks that Chris is just an idiot who can’t operate the golf cart. Little does this guy know that it’s much worse than that. Chris is a lunatic who believes that GHOSTS are haunting the golf cart.
But Chris takes the guy’s comment of “this is kind of a werid case” as further proof that it was ghosts. As opposed to his own ineptitude.
1:15 – “Being a ghost behaviorist just paints a target on you.”
From the mental health community, perhaps.
Then he talks about how he couldn’t record that podcast recently because ghosts targetted his phone.
So Chris went to the Verizon store and said, “Fix my phone. There’s a ghost in there.”
I mean, come on. If he genuinely thought it was a ghost, why would he bring it to the Verizon store? He’d bring it to a priest. Or he’d perform his own exoricism. He’s the Ghost Doctor, after all.
Anyway, the phone guy said that it’s an easy fix, something to do with the sim card reader, but Chris didn’t want to pay the money. So he brought the phone home and it started working again. And he never had the error again.
What’s the point of any of these stories? Something breaks and then for no apparent reason it begins working again.
I could see if the golf cart broke, for example, and then he performed an exorcism and then it worked again. You might say, “Well, it was clearly ghosts and my exorcism did the trick.” But he did NOTHING.
2:15 – “This is a constant thing with me.”
You’ve mentioned two examples. Give some more examples of ghosts haunting your electronics.
2:30 – “For all of you who think being a ghost behaviourist is glamorous, you know you have to put up with all of this other crap.”
First of all, NOBODY thinks that being a “ghost behaviorist” is glamorous. We all think that it’s a sign of severe mental illness.
But secondly, what crap? We’ve all had shitty electronics that didn’t work properly. You get a fucking refund. You don’t chalk it up to ghosts.
2:45 – Chris says that ghosts “pester” him in his sleep and in his dreams…your ELECTRONICS.
I just imagine ghosts as being more analogue. But I guess ghosts are just keeping up with the times. Gone are the days of rattling chains and throwing books and appearing in mirrors. Now they’re fucking with your sim card reader.
3:00 – “You can’t make this stuff up.”
Oh sure. A malfunctioning golf cart and phone. I could never dream up such a crazy scenario.
That’s the video. I just can’t figure out how much of this he’s putting on. Because it would be so easy to just say all of this crazy shit because you’re trying to get views. Everybody is laughing at him, there’s no question, but he can still do this just to get the views, however small the views are. People pointing and laughing at the lunatic are still viewers.
“I’m breaking character in this video and I want to talk about a few things that have gone viral.”
So it is just an act.
Then Chris calls out somebody called Dr Disrespect. Professional jealousy. Two doctors.
But, oddly, Chris is talking about this guy doing something with “minors”. Chris himself has made some sketchy posts just recently when he went to Disney World and was taking creep shots of those teenagers and talking about how he wished he would have talked to them more.
Then Chris talks about some mentally ill bullshit about the top gaming Youtubers having sex with “minors” on an island. That’s literally his argument.
Chris, you’ll be the first one “exposed” for your “inner daemons”.
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Another Fat White Guy Visits Newt Wallen and PVC Bondage Guy
0:00 – This is Neil. He’s a big Newt Wallen fan, apparently. Says that he regularly talks about wrestling in Newt’s Discord hoping to woo PVC Bondage Guy. He’s Canadian, I think. He travelled from Canada for this. He’s about 400 pounds.
5:00 – Newt is telling a story about the time he filmed a “movie” with Ron Jeremy, Lexington Steel, and the black guy from Love Boat. PVC Bondage Guy doesn’t know who this Love Boat guy is, not having been born when the show was on.
Was Newt even born then? Was I? Let me look this up.
Wow. 1977 to 1986. That’s later than I thought. I know of the show but I don’t think that I’ve ever seen an episode. I wasn’t in the proper demographic.
Then Love Boat: The Next Wave in 1998 and 1999. I remember that but I never watched it.
Anyway, Newt can’t even fit on the couch with this fatass here.
And this guy is here because he wants to have sex with PVC Bondage Guy. Do you suppose that she offers this service? I wouldn’t be surprised. A hundred bucks and you can do whatever. She’s earning every penny of that having to be with these losers.
10:45 – Shout out to my complaint about Newt and PVC Bondage Guy sharing the same beverage container.
11:00 – Then Newt says something like he can’t post on Facebook because “crazy face is back at it”, which I assume is a reference to me. He says that there’s somebody contacting people who he worked with and doing something.
Newt, get it through your thick fucking skull. I am not doing that. And if it’s anyone who reads this, please refrain from harassing Newt Wallen and do something productive with your life. I do not support this pscyho shit.
13:15 – PVC Bondage Guy is talking about she “barely bit” this fat guy and she was throwing him around. So yeah, this is a sex thing. They’re getting fat nerds to pay PVC Bondage Guy for sex.
15:00 – Newt is talking about how he’s making his shitty movie for that autistic guy who gave him money.
21:30 – Newt is talking about how three of the four prostitutes who he has for this shitty movie that he’s doing are “redheads”.
24:30 – PVC Bondage Guy is yelling at the ladyboys for “spoiling” a wrestling show from 1997.
27:45 – PVC Bondage Guy talks about how she “code switches”, by which she means she sometimes uses the German word for things. Umm…okay. Let’s just pretend that the crazy lady didn’t say that.
31:30 – PVC Bondage Guy talks about how he flashed his breasts during a recent stream and this is now Patreon-only content. Yeah, that’s what we want to see. A man’s breasts. The guy sitting next to her has a real pair on him, by the way.
I’m turning this off. I’m at 40:00. It’s a fat guy talking to a whore and whatever the fuck Newt is about professional wrestling from the 1990s. WHO CARES? Newt, you have to up your game.
He had a desperate video recently. Where is it? Ah, here.
“Let’s get wet.” He’s got another red-haired prostitute who he wants to show off.
“I’m Mel Heflin. You might know me from such movies as…”
No. Madam. Join us in the real world. NOBODY has seen these “movies” that you claim to have been in. And doing an impression of Troy McClure is not helping.
“Speaking of Swamp Zombies 2, that’s where I met…Newt Wallen.”
She had to stop think what his name is. They’re real friends.
“And speaking of Newt Wallen, I’m pretty sure the guy’s a genius.”
It’s just a prostitute enabling Newt’s delusions because she’s trying to get money out of him.
“I love all of his scripts.”
Uh huh.
“I heard he wrote me an underwater scene.”
Yeah. Sounds like a really great script. An underwater scene, you say.
“So be on the lookout for Amityville Pool Toy Massacre.”
You mean this “movie” that’s being bankrolled by a fat, mentally ill, retarded ladyboy who goes to Newt’s channel? THAT’S the “movie” you want us to be on the lookout for?
Will we get to see this fat whore underwater?
You know, I’m reminded of a documentary I saw about a hippo defecating underwater. I don’t remember the context but there was a hippo swimming underwater, as graceful as a hippo can be, and just a cloud of shit coming out of it’s ass. There was a reason that they were shooting this. Some kind of animals were attracted to the poop.
Maybe Newt can plagiarise that scene for the “movie”. Have this woman taking a dump underwater and there’s just a cloud of grass-filled stool coming out of her. I’ll tell you one person who would buy it: James Rolfe.
Let’s look this fucking whore up. See if we can find some candid pictures of her that accurately reflect her appearance.
All I’m really seeing is her Instagram which has highly staged photos. But even these betray her rubenesque physique.
I wonder if that hippo documentary is anywhere.
Well, there are a surprising number of videos of hippos defecating but none are the video that I saw. I think that it was a documentary on BBC with David Attenborough.
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Newt and Mel make a porno – Newt Wallen
Come on, Ideas Man. Get some new fucking ideas. This is desperate, pathetic bullshit. And it’s not going to work. If people want porn, they’re not to Newt Wallen’s Youtube channel. Even these gay ladyboys surely have better options.
So Newt starts talking about how he shit out another script, this time about a fairy who produces pornography that people find in the woods. Similar to the “morning wood fairy” from Beavis & Butthead. More plagiarism from this guy.
This whore he’s with…what’s her name…Mel says that she knows all about forest porn.
4:45 – She starts talking about her expertise on pornographic magazines. “Playboy was very tame compared to anything that you found in Penthouse and Hustler. Those were the two main guys.”
What does this woman know about porno? I’m pretty sure that she’s talking about 1980s and 1990s pornographic magazines. Yeah, of course Penthouse was more explicit than Playboy but only a tiny bit. They’d show simulated lesbian stuff, for example. There would be a woman with her tongue half an inch from a woman’s pussy or something. But you could never touch. That was the rule for everything. Even the genuine more explicit magazines never showed any kind of penetration or even licking a boob. None of this. Even an erection wasn’t seen.
But Penthouse absolutely did not have any male nudity or even shots where the woman is spreading her pussy. This was the big distinction between the tamer stuff like Playboy and Penthouse and the more explicit stuff. “Pink shots”. That totally inexplicable, disgusting phenomenon that existed in pornographic magazines of the era. People apparently want to see this. They want to see a woman spreading her pussy. I don’t get it.
In any event, that was the distinction. And you’d see this possibly in Hustler. I don’t know. I never saw a Hustler. But I saw Hustler publications like Busty Beauties which definitely had these pink shots.
Harder still was a publication like Juggs. They’d show weird stuff involving women in the vicinity of a flaccid penis, for example. And of course the spread pussies.
By 1998, Busty Beauties was becoming more hardcore. I know that it was 1998 because I have the exact issue where they showed penetration for the first time. It was a shot from a movie called Spank Me, Fuck Me starring Minka and Kayla Kleevage and you see Kayla Kleevage on her knees with Ron Jeremy’s dick in her mouth. Uncensored. Because any kind of penetration, in the ads, for example, was always censored with a black dot. And they parodied this for this picture by putting a black bar across Ron Jeremy’s eyes like they were trying to keep him anonymous. And they said from now on, they’re going hardcore and showing full penetration.
I stopped buying magazines after that because I got the internet so I don’t know how things progressed from there.
5:00 – This whore says that she’s allegedly in a magazine because she let some guy take pictures of her and submit them.
God. Those “amateur” pages were always dogshit. I don’t want to see these women naked. This is gross. How could these women even think that people want to see this? REALLY unattractive women. I never even saw one that I wanted to jerk off to.
I suppose that it was the 1990s equivalent of these delusional women who start OnlyFans or whatever.
6:30 – Newt starts talking about porn and this whore says that they never showed penetration in the movies. I guess that’s true. I think that they were actual pornographic movies with penetration but they must have been re-cut for the Spice Channel because I remember a lot of scenes where the woman’s hair was covering the blowjob.
12:00 – This whore is rattling off names of porn starts from the 1980s and 1990s that she likes. It’s some weird bullshit, just random white women. And Newt is enthusiastically agreeing with all of them. But then she says Vanessa Del Rio, one of the most well-known porn stars of all time, I believe she was Puerto Rican or something, she was huge among black guys, and Newt just says “oh, okay.”
What’s going on, Newt? You’re down with the homies, right? Vanessa Del Rio doesn’t do it for you? He’s interested in these basic bitches like Christy Canyon. I never even heard of her.
14:15 – Now Newt is talking about porn that he found in the woods. I have absolutely no experience with this. There were no wooded areas near me. Where are these people living that there were woods? Or am I the weirdo? I was unfortunate to live in a ghetto. But even in my adult life, I’ve never lived anywhere where woods were within walking distance. Who the fuck knows? I need to move to rural Pennsylvania, I guess.
16:45 – Newt says “before all of that shit happened, Ron Jeremy and I were really friendly. I stayed at his house.”
Before all of what happened? Apparently they were BFFs and Ron Jeremy was able to overlook Newt’s plagiarism but Newt couldn’t return the favour and overlook this railroading of Ron Jeremy. What even were the charges? I just heard that her rubbed up against some whores at a whore convention. Isn’t that the done thing? And it’s Ron Jeremy. What did they expect? But Newt is pretending to be outraged by this.
19:15 – “A buddy of mine is a blogger of gay porn.”
What? This is all in the context of Newt going on and on and on about all the “friends” he has in the porn industry. Including Ron Jeremy but there were a bunch of lesser known people who he mentioned. Now he’s BFF’s with gay porn blogger? How is that even a job? Who’s going to a blog for porn?
Many years ago, I went to some porn blog for a brief time but this was before XVideos and everything. You’d go there and you could download shit. This was in 56k modem days.
19:30 – “You ever see when a dog swallows a bee?”
And this whore, inexplicably, says “yeah.” Oh, sure, Newt. We’ve all seen dogs swallowing bees.
What the fuck? Why did she say “yeah”? Did she seriously see a dog swallow a bee? Am I weird for not having a dog swallow a bee?
Anyway, apparently this is what this guy’s penis looked like after injecting it with something. It looked like a dog swallowing a bee. Whatever that might look like.
19:45 – “I actually knew a guy who was a stunt cock.”
The whore said this. Oh yeah. Stunt cock. That’s a real profession that exists.
These people are fucking morons.
20:00 – Newt is now saying that he’s BFFs with Lexington Steel. Basically everybody. Every porn star that ever existed, Newt is BFFs with them.
21:15 – Newt says that he always gets press passes to the big time porn conventions because of some Silvermania video that he did years ago that nobody has watched. It’s the one where he interviewed porn stars and asked them stupid questions. That old gag that’s been done a billion times before. The Ideas Man.
22:15 – Newt tells this whore his great idea of doing a movie review while getting a blowjob. He says that he’s been unable to find anybody willing to do this yet.
Why not? You know every porn star on earth. You can’t ask any of them? Maybe $100 would help.
24:15 – Newt says that he sold hardcore porn at the comic book shop that he worked at. Uh huh. Which comic book shop was this? Because I’m pretty sure that this isn’t allowed. I’ve certainly never seen it. A comic book slash/porn shop? No. Doesn’t exist, Newt.
25:00 – Newt also went to the barber shop with his grandfather and there was porn on the table.
28:30 – Newt went to a gay porn theatre when he was 16.
30:15 – This whore talks about her time in the “dance community.” She’s talking about stripping.
Newt then says that Madeline, that crack whore who’s Newt’s substitute for Horseface, is also a stripper.
34:00 – One of Newt’s former’s girlfriend’s father owned a gay bar. Newt, we get it. You’re gay. Come on. Nobody cares. Go show your penis to Joe from Game Sack some more.
36:00 – Newt says that he was in some porn video where some woman with long nails was jerking his dick off. Uh huh. I’m sure Joe from Game Sack loved that one.
46:30 – Newt says that he rejected his BFF Ron Jeremy after all of those allegations (or I guess convictions) because Newt was “victimised as a kid.” I think that he’s mentioned this before. It just seems an odd thing to throw out there. What is he hoping to achieve with this?
48:00 – Newt is talking about how he knows somebody who knows Asia Carerra. And she “liked” something of Newt’s on Facebook. Great story, Newt. I’m fully erect here.
54:00 – This whore goes on and on and on about a porn scene she saw where a women had a leaky vagina.
57:00 – “So this is our first porn-adjacent OnlyFans.”
I believe that this video was first posted on Newt’s OnlyFans. He mentioned earlier that the video couldn’t be posted to Youtube. But he did post it to Youtube.
So we were supposed to PAY to watch this video. We were supposed to pay for NEWT WALLEN’S OnlyFans. FOR THIS! You get to see this and Newt’s sex video with the mentally ill PVC Bondage Guy. And if you’re a desperate gay man, you can badger Newt for pictures of his penis and he’ll oblige. Or if you’re Joe from Game Sack, he’ll show you.
Why would anybody pay for this? What even is his OnlyFans? He never advertises it.
https://onlyfans.com/schlockandawe
Five bucks a month. “Bringing you all those not safe for youtube videos an images here to Only fans.” That’s his description. It’s full of spelling and grammar errors, of course.
Why would I possibly pay five bucks a month for this? It’s presumably all gay men. But why would a gay man sign up to see shitty Youtube videos and the poster for XXX-Mas? It’s madness. I think that there are like three things that you can see on that site. He’s posted three things in like a year.
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I Don’t Know James Rolfe – Folding Ideas
I watched the first 30 minutes and then fell asleep. So I’ll resume from there. It’s a guy talking about how he doesn’t care much for James Rolfe. He mentioned the same stupid bullshit about hanging lights from the ceiling and whatnot that the fags on Reddit constantly talk about.
WHO CARES ABOUT THE FUCKING LIGHTS? He can mount them up his ass for all I care. It’s irrelevant. If you’re some video nerd I can maybe see caring about this, but are the faggots on Reddit all video nerds?
Speaking of Reddit, on TheCinemassacreTruth, the moderators will always pin new videos about Cinemassacre. They didn’t pin this one. And they’re doing their usual heavy censorship against anyone who dares to say, “Maybe this guy has a point.” Because apparently, later in the video, this guy starts talking about what a bunch of fucking no-life losers the boys on TheCinemsassacreTruth are.
Oh, I just remembered something. This guy talks about how James wasn’t the first person to come up with angry reviews. He cites some GameSpot (or something, I don’t remember the name of that site) print review and also Penny Arcade. Penny Arcade is to show that foul-mouthed video game content already existed when James Rolfe started with AVGN. I found it kind of interesting and true.
So I’m starting at 29:00. He’s talking about the book. He doesn’t much care for it.
42:00 – He starts building a mount for the camera like James has on his ceiling or whatever. It’s just beyond me why anybody cares about this.
His talking about the book raised some good points, though, about James’ complete lack of accountability, lack of insight, and treating his childhood “movies” the same as he treats The AVGN Movie. There was also a good point about how James took over his class for some assignment in college instead of just following the instructions and even today sees this as the right decision.
49:45 – He starts talking about the homos on TheCinemassacreTruth.
51:00 – Mike’s penis.
He’s calling the fags on TheCinemassacreTruth “fatphobic and mysonistic.” Yeah. And gay. I think it needs to be pointed out because it explains the bizarre behaviour from these people. They’re catty, gay men.
57:45 – This guy is focusing largely on the idea that the fags on TheCinemassacreTruth attack James’ wife. They do this but I don’t think it’s the main thing. The main thing is attacking Screenwave (who haven’t been on the channel for years) for being fat, their fondness for Mike’s penis, and just the appearance of men in general. James’ hair, the way he walks, Photoshopping him to look “sexy” and so on. IT’S GAY. It’s all gay. That’s the motivation behind all of this. These are gay men.
I’ve had a lot of people from there OPENLY tell me that they’re gay. Or you can spend two seconds looking at their profile and see that they’re gay. This is not me being insulting. This is reality. This is the reason why this all happens. Catty, gay men. That’s what the sub is about and it’s what it’s always been about.
But you can’t say this, I guess. You can’t attack a group of gay for behaving poorly. So just ignore that they’re gay.
No. It’s critical to understanding what goes on there.
Many years ago, I read a book called The Pink Swastika. It was written by a couple of right-wing Jesus nuts and the book is not well-received in academic circles but they still made some good points.
People talk about how the Nazis persecuted homosexuals. It’s a certain type of homosexuality that they were opposed to. Because many of the high-ranking Nazis were gay. The Brownshirts were an openly homosexual organisation. It’s not a secret. The ideology is gay. It’s about men imposing their will on other men.
You look at all the shit they did in the Hitler Youth. There was a big emphasis on sports. Sports are extremely gay. Again, it’s men imposing their will on other men. While wearing little shorts and tackling each other.
The Nazis and fascists in general LIKE that stuff. They like “masculine” homosexuals. What they don’t like are effeminite homosexuals. The limp-wristed types flouncing about. Those were the people who the Nazis persecuted.
I don’t want to get into a whole thing here but by contrast, communism holds no appeal for homosexuals. And how many homosexuals were there in Soviet times? Zero. Not because there was any persecution but because homosexuality is a symptom of a diseased society. If people have everything that they need, they won’t want to fuck other dudes in the ass and impose their will on them.
Gay pride parades and all of that shit only began in these former Soviet countries after the fall of communism. The countries with the greatest inequality have the highest proportion of homosexuals. Inequality breeds deviancy.
This is what we see on TheCinemassacreTruth. They’re gay men attacking the idea of effeminite homosexuality. Gay Nazis, if you’ll forgive the almost redundancy of the term. This is why they’re obsessed with Photoshopping James Rolfe and the Screenwave crew to look like women and they hate the idea that James Rolfe is married. They’re mocking him and his heterosexual behaviour. They want James Rolfe to join them in their fucking faggot ass bullshit. They want to impose their will on James Rolfe’s ass. You see it in everything they do. These are gay men taking their frustrations out on James Rolfe.
59:00 – The “5:40” “meme” that gets beaten into the ground.
1:01:15 – This guy says that he doesn’t even think that AVGN has declined. This is where he totally lost me. I’m not saying that AVGN were amazing works of art but it clearly hit the toilet when Screenwave got involved.
Then the video ends with an unspired AVGN parody.
Anyway, the boys at TheCinemassacreTruth are really crying over this video. Well, go to the leather bar and talk to your friends about it. Maybe they’ll piss on you in a public park if you ask them nicely.
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Garbage Pail Kids – NES Nintendo Video Game Review – Irate Gamer
His previous video on NES porn games got demonitised. Allegedly. So he’s not uploading part two of that NES porn games thing. It’s Patreon only, boys. Hurry up and subscribe to this hot Chris BORES action.
Good luck with that, Chris BORES.
So instead, we’re getting this hastily-thrown together Garbage Pail Kids shit.
0:15 – “If there’s one thing I’ve always loved as a kid, it was Garbage Pail Kids.”
Oh sure. He was a real Garbage Pail Kids fan. He was all about them. So much so that he’s not mentioned them once.
I mean, I don’t expect an adult to be discussing Garbage Pail Kids, but he’s suggesting that he loved Garbage Pail Kids more than anything else. So why hasn’t he mentioned it before?
They were popular for maybe a year? I don’t know. Two years. I liked them. I had a bunch of first series cards. I was trying to get them all. I even used the little checklist that came on the back of one of the cards, marking them off. But I didn’t get them all. And then series two came out and…fuck. I lost interest. I was trying to get all of series one and now it will never happen.
I dipped in and out after the first series. My series one cards weren’t in mint condition because I’d look at them a lot. I didn’t use them as stickers but the corners would get bent or frayed or whatever because I’d look at them so much. But then when I found out that they’re worth some money, I started taking care of them better. I think that I put them in binders. By then the damage was done but at least the subsequent series were in better condition. The subsequent series that aren’t worth anything.
How did I even know that they’re worth money? This was like 1985, I guess. No internet. There were no price guides for these. Maybe it was just a rumour.
I also had a few big cards. They were like four times the size of a standard card. They came three to a pack or maybe just one to a pack. Surely, those are more rare than the normal cards.
I also had some little like Muscle Men figures. “Cheap Toys” I think they were called. Those are worth like fifty bucks each now, apparently.
But as for the normal cards, there were some cool ones. I like Joltin’ Joe aka Mean Gene the best. He was a military guy throwing a bunch of dynamite. Those were the best ones. Just regular fucking Cabbage Patch Dolls as something slightly wacky. It was something you could imagine being an actual doll that could be sold.
But by the later series, it just got disgusting. Every single card was somebody with serious mucus problems. I don’t want to see this. Even as a kid, I didn’t want to see that. So I stopped buying the fucking cards. What do I need to see Take Out Dinah eating her own mucus with chopsticks? It’s stupid.
0:30 – Chris BORES was “always” confused that Garbage Pail Kids never got a video game. You know, because they had a movie (that nobody saw) and cartoon series (that even fewer people saw) and of course the cards. I never even heard of the cartoon series. And the movie is well known for being shit.
It’s not a property that lends itself to video games or movies or…anything. Who wants to play a mucus-based game? Boogerman is roundly condemned as rotten.
Chris BORES is a wearing a tie for some reason. I guess because Blasted Billy aka Adam Bomb wore one. But he had the tie already tied when he put it on. And looking at it, I’m reminded of how I would tie my tie in high school. There was a basic knot that people would use that would result in a crooked knot.
There was one guy who always kept his tie tied when he took it off because he didn’t know how to tie it.
It’s crazy that I went to a school where you had to wear ties. Do they still do this? It was part of the uniform .
Wow. That school still requires that uniform with a tie. And the tuition is four times as much as what I paid for college. Who could possibly afford this? You’re going to spend $50,000 so your kid can go to high school for four years? It’s mostly Mexican too. Even when I went there, it was probably 1/3 Mexican. Where’s the money coming from? No offence but it’s a fucking ghetto.
5:00 – For the SECOND time in this video, Chris BORES is just rattling off the names of the various enemies in the game. WE GET IT! There are a lot of references to the card series. MOVE ON. Reading lists of names is NOT entertainment. You’re clearly just padding this out.
5:45 – Chris BORES says that some powerups in the game are a “COCK tease”. He pronounces it really weird. I had to listen to it a few times to understand what he was saying. But yeah, this is just more homosexual material from this faggot. “Boner biting dogs” and whatnot.
6:45 – Chris BORES constantly complains about a character called Patty Putty.
What about Patty Plenty? She died a few years ago, didn’t she? She went by Patty Please for a while. I saw an interview of her in some porn video before. Total nut.
Wow. Patty Plenty isn’t noteworthy enough for Wikipedia? That’s shocking. Have to try Boobpedia then.
What? According to this, she’s still alive. There’s no way.
She made a little dancing video last year.
https://twitter.com/pattyplenty
And according to Twitter, she’s still “touring”. Who would pay to have sex with a 76 year old woman?
She’s on OnlyFans too.
Anyway, good for Patty Plenty. I guess. I mean, is it unreasonable to expect porn stars to retire at 65 like everybody else? Is this something you want to do in your twillight years?
So yeah, Chris BORES ends the video with some lame as fuck animation, of course.
- “Love dr bores”
It’s a reference to his “ghost doctor” title. Pretty funny. He probably got his ghost doctorate from some questionable Caribbean ghost medical school.
Is he still doing that shit or did he already stop?
According to the official website, he’s still going. He needs to bring these prices down. In this economy, people can’t afford a hundred bucks to cleanse their home of stage five hauntings. Times are tough, Chris. Show some compassion to those of us afflicted by the undead.
Oh, and he such a creepy questionaire that you had to fill out. I didn’t talk about it because I planned to pose as a fake client just see what creepy shit I could get him to say but then I decided that I had more important things to do with my time.
Oh, he’s also selling “tar water” for fifteen bucks. What a bargain. I could always use some tar water.
Where is this questionaire? Did he get rid of it? He asked you questions about your children’s “promiscuity”. I wish I would have saved it now. If your daughter is a slut, it’s obviously because of ghosts.
Oh, I found it now. Under the three ghost hunting packages, you have to click “Unsure what to purchase? Click here for help”. Then you get a Google form.
He wants to know if you’re going through any of the following:
- Recent Divorce
- Death in family
- Your Kids reaching the age of Teenage Adolescence
- Victim of a Tragic Event
Just those four things. And all of the weird capitalisation is his. Why does he need to know if you have young teenagers in your house? How is that related to the tragic stuff that he listed?
“Do you engage in any of these activities?”
- Ouiji Boards
- Tarot Cards
- Newt Age Activities
- Consuming Alcohol
- Drugs
- Promiscuous Activities
- Voodoo
- Smoking
I conflated the two things assuming that Chris BORES wouldn’t be asking adults if they’re behaving promisculously. But he is. He wants to know if you’re out there being naughty with the ladies. Or the fellas.
Can you fuck your wife or is that considered “promiscuous”? Chris wants all the details. Maybe one day, Chris’ wife will let him fuck her. Until then, he’s still proudly showing his purity ring off to every unaccompanied goth teenager he can find at Disney World.
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Lemmings (SNES) – Neighbor Nerds – Cinemassacre
I watched this a couple of days ago for my own “enjoyment”. I like Lemmings. I had the game as a kid for the PC. Maybe a year ago, I downloaded some bootleg version that has all of the levels from all of the games and I think adds shit to it. That was cool but I didn’t get too into it.
So I’m interested in the subject. That helped. And James and John seem to have some familiarity with the game. James does, at least. I mean…he at least knows what the different abilities do. He didn’t seem to be a pro by any means. So that helped too.
But I thought, “What’s the point of this?” It’s all heavily edited. It doesn’t seem as badly edited as other recent Neighbor Nerds things but it was still…if you’re not going to show the full gameplay, what’s the point? We’re just supposed to be here for the witty zingers that these two dish out? What witty zingers? James is a corpse.
You either need the gameplay or some really funny back and forth. This has neither. There’s no hope for witty dialogue with fucking James there so showing the gameplay is the obvious choice.
“Who wants to watch two hours of these James and John playing Lemmings?” Lunatics. But the people are out there. Why not?
I seem to recall James & Mike Mondays that were over an hour. Not a problem. Nobody complained. And I watch some of Mike’s multi-hour streams. You just watch as much as you want and then come back to it later. It’s not a big deal. And if you don’t watch the whole thing, that’s fine too. Doesn’t every minute count in terms of how much you get paid?
Maybe there are long stretches of James not saying anything. But is that even a problem? You don’t have to regale us every second. If people are interested in the game, the gameplay will be enough.
Speaking of Mike, he was playing Borderlands 2 recently with Bitch Duo. Bitch Duo doesn’t even call himself Duo any more. He was there as “Judith Light”. Mike regularly referred to Bitch Duo using female pronouns. And Bitch Duo was perfectly cool with it.
Bitch Duo also played with Mike under the guise of “Inspector Gadget” a little while ago and again had no problem being referred to as Inspector Gadget.
I don’t know why Bitch Duo puts up with this. Who is Bitch Duo anyway? It’s the only person who Mike ever plays with. And Bitch Duo is MUCH better at video games than Mike. He was letting Mike have all of the items in this Borderlands game and he was still completely carrying him.
Why not play with the horntards? It’s ridiculous. It’s a game that I think let’s you play with a team up to four players. Get three of the whale horntards to play with you as a little bonus for having given you THOUSANDS of dollars over the years. He can’t do it.
Also baffling is when Mike and Erin will stream together but they’ll switch off instead of playing together at the same time. The chat is screaming at them to play together but they don’t do it. I get that Erin sucks at video games but Mike just has to tone it down a little. He doesn’t have to completely crush her. Pretend that you’re playing against a little kid. Or he can completely crush her. That works too. I mean, who gives a shit? You’re hardly exposing Erin as a being shit at video games. People already know. They don’t care.
This is also something that James and John can do. They did that with this Lemmings video. There’s a two player mode which they’ve acknowledged that few people know about. There are probably loads of similar games from the 8 and 16 bit era. Games that had two player mods that few people actually played in two player mode.
Game Boy games would be great for this. How many people used the link cable? Fucking nobody. But there are probably loads of cool two player modes in Game Boy games.
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The Last Game Boy Color Games – Erin Plays
The triumphant return of Erin Plays. After three entire months, THIS is what she comes up with? This stale as fuck bullshit where she “reviews” the last games that came out on a console? This idea that she blatantly stole from JOHN RIGGS?
She’s totally checked out. Why even bother any more? It’s been years since she put any effort at all into anything. What’s the point of putting the videos out any more? She’s not making money from this. She doesn’t need the money. She’s leeching off of Mike. She must know that she’s not going to become famous from this shit. So why continue?
0:00 – “When I got the purple Game Boy Color and Super Mario Bros Deluxe for Christmas…”
First of all, nobody gives a fuck what hue your fucking fictional Game Boy Color was. Why does she insist on including these stupid fucking details about colours? This isn’t fucking Seasame Street. We all know the colours.
She’s never mentioned having a Game Boy Color before. Not once. So let’s think about this.
It came out in late 1998. Erin aka Cykill1986 was born in 1987. Allegedly.
Unlikely that she got it on launch. So let’s say she got it the following year in 1999. Erin would have been 12 years old.
I don’t know. It doesn’t strike me as genuine. For somebody who likes video games, that would be a fine age to be given a Game Boy Color. But Erin has no fucking interest in this shit and never has. In Christmas of 1999, Erin was getting clothes, makeup, and a Spice Girls DVD and she was happy with that shit.
0:15 – “Nintendo was still making games for the Nintendo Color well into 2002.”
That doesn’t seem like a long time. Last 1998 to 2002? Who gives a shit? Four years? That seems like a SHORTER lifespan for a console than is typical.
Whatever happened to that Nintendo handheld that was 3d? I was tempted to get one but never bothered. It was all a big fad, right?
There was 3d television. I think that some of them required glasses and some of them didn’t. Nothing ever came of it.
What about 3d porn? Is it any good?
Well, that guy’s REALLY into it. The VR stuff with those nerdy headsets, anyway. Speaking of fads.
0:45 – Shantae. She played this a few months ago, on stream, for money. What a shock this is.
Then there’s literally footage of her playing the game on stream, for money. It’s not even disguised.
1:45 – She talks about other attacks that you get during the game but says, “I didn’t make it far enough in this playthrough.” Why bother playing it for the purposes of this video? That would require a tiny bit of effort. Just show the stream footage.
2:45 – “All of the sprites and backgrounds are really colourful and cute.”
Go fuck yourself.
3:15 – Resident Evil Gaiden.
4:45 – “I like the zombies in the purple dresses.”
Take these colours and shove them up your fucking ass.
5:15 – What the hell kind of footage is this? Is this a stream from before she was living with Mike? She has a plain blue background, she’s sitting in a normal office chair, and I think she has an old school Erin Plays logo. Did she use footage from many years ago for this? It’s unbelievable. She can’t put ANY effort into anything.
5:45 – Hamtaro.
6:00 – “The world of Hamtaro is very cute.”
Who the fuck is watching this? She’s total fucking moron. She can’t talk about anything other than colours and how things are “cute”. This is total fucking shit.
6:45 – “All in all, it’s an extremely cute game.”
Yeah. We got that, Erin. It’s cute. What else can you talk about?
7:00 – Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
She played it for about three minutes just to get this footage.
8:45 – Some Dragon Ball game.
She’s literally just reading from the back of the box and saying that she’s not interested in Dragon Ball.
She played this one for maybe two minutes.
That’s the video. What a fucking piece of shit. And she’s even wearing the same fucking jean jacket that she always wears.
Give us something new, Erin. ANYTHING. We get it. You suck at video games, you’re not interested in that shit, and you like colours and cute things. What else have you got in that empty head of yours? Anything?
Her entire life is getting fucked in the ass, crying in the bathtub, and doing these awful streams for retards. For $6,000/year.
- “gotta skip this one cause of HP but good that you’re uploading again”
HP? What?
- “You’re a HUGE Inspiration to us, Erin!”
Uh huh.
- “I’d love to watch this video, but sadly, I just don’t have the time.”
Some fucking brainless faggot from TheCinemassacreTruth on Reddit. How embarassing.
Oh, Joe from Game Sack to a moment to tear himself away from looking at Newt’s penis to grace Erin with some more witty comments.
Joe: I pronounce Vegeta similar to vegetable. It’s probably Veh-Jeet-uh but I don’t care… it’s just Dragon Ballz.
Mike: When would you be in a situation where you have to say that word
Joe: I’m hoping never.
Erin: So you say Vege-tah? I hope that’s how you say it.
Joe: I don’t think I’ve ever said it with my mouth, but yes… that’s how it sounds when I think about that word
You know that Mike reads the blog. Whenever Erin says something like, “I always forget the name of this monster”, I’ll say, “How often is that coming up as a topic of conversation?” Mike basically said the same thing here.
So we’ve got Mike responding in the comments basically just to warn Joe that he knows what Joe is doing. We all do. Joe, stop trying to steal of the love of Mike’s life. It’s despicable. Erin and Mike are soulmates. It’s not about buttsex for Youtube promotion. This is true love.
We know that Joe from Game Sack enjoys looking at Newt’s penis. Do you suppose that Mike ever showed his member to Joe? I have to think that it’s almost a certainty that he did.
- “Have u ever played Spark the electric jester? Also good video 3”
Want to guess Erin’s answer?
“No I haven’t, I’ll look it up. And thanks!”
If she hasn’t streamed it, she hasn’t played it, you fucking moron. Figure it out, retard.