Gamer Girls

Newt is in his bathroom/office again. What if it the bathroom of this place is genuinely also his office? He has his files and whatnot laying on the cistern.

And he’s wearing his sweater again but a blue shirt. Not the red shirt that he wore last time. It’s the same style of shirt, the type that people who work in retail might wear as a uniform, but…why would it be a different colour? We need to get Erin on the case. She likes colours.

0:00 – “We are making a feature film: Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls because somebody beat me to the title OnlyFangs.”

Well, that would suck dick and just be more plagiarism from your fucking zero idea ass. It would also immediately date the “film”. I mean, it’s going to be a piece of shit anyway, assuming that anything even gets released (which is highly improbable) but at least TRY to come up with a good title. Something original. Something that isn’t piggybacking on an existing IP. He can’t do it. He’s seemingly hard-wired to plagiarise. He doesn’t even realise that he’s doing it.

0:15 – “A couple of months ago, an investor came about from one of the livestreams.”

Oh my god no. Newt is taking money from the horntards to make his shitty fucking movies. And not even crowdfunding. He found a whale of a horntard with deep pockets. Well, I don’t know how deep. How much money can this “investor” possibly be giving? If it’s as much as $5,000, I’d be astonished.

But who would give Newt ANY money to make some shitty tits and gore, plagiarised movie? Can’t you just do it yourself? What skills and experience does Newt Wallen bring to the table? “Oh, I want the movie to be plagiarised and full of unfunny puns and it should revolve around a red-haired woman and star old prostitues.”

It’s ridiculous. Just go to the red light district, pick out some live ones, and make your own shitty movie. Why would you PAY Newt Wallen to do this?

And think about this in terms of an investment. There’s no godly way that you’re going to see a penny of this money returned to you. What’s the business plan here? Put it on DailyMotion and hope for the best?

1:15 – “You don’t think that people are going to come out of the blue and say, ‘Here you go. Try this.’”

Yeah. You don’t think that because no person of normal intelligence would ever do that. You’re dealing with LITERAL retards, Newt. Did you do any checks on this person before accepting their money?

“The original plan was to do a shark movie.”

It’s shit, Newt. Everything you do is shit. We don’t need Shark Vampire, Shark Exorcist, Shark District Attorney. Fuck all of this idiotic, unfunny, worthless bullshit.

Then he says that his shitty shark movies are big in Japan.

1:30 – “I had written maybe a year or two ago Kung Fu Bikini Shark Planet.”

It’s shit, Newt. It’s all shit. You’re plagiarising your own plagiarised bullshit at this point.

After describing the various things that he ripped off for the movie, he describes it as a “Very satirical take on toxic masculinity.”

Oh, I’m sure that that piece of shit was multi-layered. Lots of subtle, insightful, witty jabs at the subject matter. Lots of high brow comedy in Kung Fu Bikini Shark Planet, something that Newt shat out in a day. Entirely plagiarised.

2:15 – Newt sent the “investor” a bunch of scripts and let him choose which one to do.

I’m sorry but none of this makes any sense whatsoever. Why would you pay somebody to make their own fucking movie? This “investor” can’t possibly expect a return on the investment.

MAYBE if the guy had his own script and he wanted it turned into a movie, I could see him asking somebody semi-competent to do it. Not Newt Wallen but somebody semi-competent. But this guy is giving money to Newt so that Newt can make Newt’s shitty movie. It’s clear retard shit.

2:45 – Newt says that there’s a lot of down-time in his job so he uses this time to shit out awful, plagiarised scripts. “A couple of Saturdays ago, I had all of these ideas kicking around in my head.”

Oh, do tell. There was Busty Cyborg Ninjas from Uranus, there was Shark Crack Whore, there was Red-Headed Vixen Band Camp. He was just bursting with the same fucking plagiarised tits and gore trash that he always comes up with.

3:00 – “So I wrote an entire screenplay in one night.”

Of course. This is what he does. And I can assure you that it’s complete, unadulterated shit on every single page. People who have actually seen excerpts of his scripts, which he never shows in their entirety, interestlingly enough, have commented that they’re full of spelling and grammar errors. Not to mention the fucking god awful basic premise. We don’t even have to get into character development or story arc or any of this because I assure you that there’s none of this. It’s just shit. He might as well pull his pants down right now in that bathroom/office of his, get Joe from Game Sack all excited, and take a dump on a sheet of paper. It would be just as worthwhile as his actual scripts.

This whole thing is preposterous. Newt is working three jobs, he has serious health problems, he himself says that he has no time to make a movie, and yet he’s taking money from a legitimately mentally-challenged viewer of his channel to make some shitty movie, using a script that he shat out in a day, for a movie that that will never get released.

3:15 – “In eight hours, I knocked out an entire first draft.”

That’s an enormous amount of “down time” at this job of yours. What are they paying you for? Where can I get this job where you do absolutely nothing all day?

3:30 – “The ladies really liked it so that’s what I went with was Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls.”

Oh sure. It sounds like a real chick flick. Something for the ladies about feelings and emotions. With tits and gore.

3:45 – Newt says that he’s looking for the “haunted attraction” that he needs for the set piece for this shitty movie that’s never going to be released. So he’s plagiarising from James Rolfe’s idea of the haunted…god…I don’t even know…whatever that shit was. The haunted amusement park ride. And of course this is an idea that’s been done a billion times already.

4:00 – Then Newt openly admits that he stole the idea from an episode of the Monkees and from every single episode of Scooby-Doo. Including, presumably, the episode where Scooby Doo meets the Harlem Globetrotters. Well, maybe it will be an excuse for Newt to finally spend some time with his people: black folk.

He continues with other things that he plagiarised for this script: Ed Wood’s Orgy of the Dead, Frankenhooker. “There’s a million different ideas floating into what created this.”

EXISTING IDEAS FROM MOVIES (and children’s cartoons, and shitty sitcoms) THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN MADE, YOU FUCKING CRETIN. COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL.

Somebody is PAYING for this. They’re PAYING to have Newt plagiarise yet another god awful tits and gore script that he shit out in a day.

If this “investor” wants to recreate an episode of the Monkees, why doesn’t he just find a script on some Monkees fan site and make his own verison of it? What does Newt bring to any of this? It’s complete madness.

4:30 – Then Newt goes into some detail about what this script that he shat out in a day is all about. Spoiler: it’s shit.

5:30 – Frankenstein’s distant relative decides to build “sexy versions of the monsters” for an OnlyFans type site.

Somebody is paying actual money for this. This is disgusting. He’s taking advantage of literal retards.

Then he says some more things that he plagiarised from to “create” this “script”.

All of the monsters have unfunny “sexy” pun names, which he delights in telling us about.

7:00 – “Everybody who’s read the script so far has really enjoyed it.”

Oh, let me remind you that he showed this script to several people who he knows and “the ladies seemed to like it.” They liked this script that he shat out in a day about a woman who creates “sexy” classic monsters with “sexy” pun names. This is what the women are interested in today.

And the women he showed this to were all prostitutes. They couldn’t even possibly have enjoyed this. They might have said that they liked it because they’re trying to milk money out of him. He’s the biggest retard of them all.

Then he talks about the various camera tricks that he wants to use in this “movie”. No. Newt. The script is fucking dog shit. It doesn’t matter what the cinematography is like when it’s based on a foundation of excrement. Newt Wallen: The Man Who Built his House on Shit.

7:30 – This script is also plagiarising from something called Monster Girl and Bikini Car Wash Company.

8:00 – “It’s full of bad puns.”

Yeah. Bad and unfunny. If you know this yourself, why do it? Don’t listen to these literal whores who are telling you that this thing is better than The Godfather. They’re lying to you. Don’t you get it? Who can possibly be this stupid?

“It’s a satire about exploiting the last drops of an IP, about toxic masculinity, about sex workers controlling their own bodies and autonomy and all that kind of stuff.”

So we’ve got another deep satire about toxic masculinity from The Ideas Man. This is the level of satire that he was talking about with his previous script that satirised toxic masulinity: sexy monsters. Oh, it’s so satirical. This is real biting wit, Newt.

And it’s also a satire of prostitutes, another obsession of his. Or “sex workers” as he always calls them. Everybody he knows is a prostitute. These are the only people who will spend any time with him. He has to pay these women to hang out with him.

8:30 – “Obviously, I’m a terrible writer.”

Oh, it’s beyond obvious, Newt. But it begs the question, why the fuck are you doing it then? You can’t on the one hand big this shit up about how all the ladies love your “sexy monsters” satirical script and then on the other hand say, “Oh, by the way, I can’t write.” No. Newt thinks that he can write. Why else would he persist with this complete and utter trash?

“So far, all the ladies who have read it have really liked it.”

Second time that he said this. They’re whores, Newt. They know that you’ll pay them to be in this shitty movie that will never get released and doing that beats what they usually do for money.

8:45 – “In my exhaustion, I didn’t plan anything out and I thought, ‘This is actually pretty funny’”.

Hysterical, Newt. This script that you shat out in a day, and put no planning into, is fucking hilarious. This script from somebody who you yourself said can’t write. Mummy Big Tits. Get it? Because it’s a mummy who has big tits. Isn’t that some awesome satire?

“I can definitely see my friends coming and doing this.”

It’s so fucking sad. Newt took money from a retard so that he can pay his prostitute “friends” to be in this shitty tits and gore “movie” that will never get released. And he shit the script out in a day.

9:00 – “Fallon’s attached right now” and he mentions some other whores who he pays to hang out with him.

“Now it’s like, if you still put up with me, do you want to come and be in a movie?”

It’s just depressing that he thinks that any of this is in any way positve or good or beneficial. He’s wasting his fucking time with this complete trash. He’s wasting his money, he’s wasting this retard’s money, and he’s just blowing it on prostitutes. And what’s the reason for all of this? He wants to get back with Horseface: The World’s Most Detestable Woman.

9:15 – Newt says that this “film” is just going to be the first one. The “producer” is planning on at least two.

BASED ON WHAT? THIS SCRIPT THAT NEWT SHAT OUT IN A DAY? This “producer”, who I assume is the “investor” apparently gave the money BEFORE there was a script. So…what was this “investment” based on? “I want TWO plagiarised tits and gore movies with scripts that you shat out in a day and are full of unfunny puns and prostitutes.” It makes no fucking sense. None of this does.

9:30 – “He has a great idea for a second one and I have 26 fucking screenplays”

That all suck dick and you shit them out in a day. It’s all worthless trash, Newt. Why can’t you understand this?

9:45 – Newt is talking about having to reshoot scenes for Midnight Show to replace scenes that had Horseface in them. This is a “movie” that he’s been “making” for over TEN YEARS. And believe me, it will not look like ten years worth of effort. It won’t look like ten hours worth of effort.

10:00 – “I’m trying to get back into a creative headspace again.”

Get BACK into it? When have you EVER been in a “creative headspace”? The creative headspace is a totally foreign place for you. You don’t speak the language and you don’t understand the customs.

Newt has been listening to the Quentin Tarantino podcast and it’s inspired him to want to start making longer Youtube videos. Oh great. So like the six hour livestreams where PVC Bondage Guy eats an entire ham? That’s some riveting shit.

10:30 – Newt says that he watched a bunch of Frankenstein movies to put himself in the “right headspace” to plagiarise this script that he shat out in a day.

10:45 – “Hopefully it’s good. Hopefully it happens. Hopefully it pans out.”

None of that will be true. I don’t know why he doesn’t seem to get it. This is completely fucking idiotic. All of it. There’s not a single good idea in any of this.

11:00 – “I did some great AI artwork.”

What the hell is he talking about now? The script is probably AI too. But making AI artwork is hardly an accomplishment. You type what you want and it gives you a picture. “Big titty cyborg.” You get a cyborg with large breasts. There’s no talent involved.

“I’ve worked on a lot of other people’s stuff but I haven’t had a chance to work on my own stuff.”

This IS somebody else’s stuff. They’re PAYING you. Although…they do seem to be paying you to make your own shitty movie. God. There is no way that this is going to happen. It doesn’t make any sense. This is total retard shit.

It would be like somebody paying me to write blog articles and they say, “I’ll give you $500 for an article but can you make it about Newt Wallen?” It was going to be about Newt Wallen anyway. You’d be a total retard to do this.

11:30 – Newt says that he wants to “continue” to write “weird, unique shit.”

Well, it’s all shit. We’ve established that. But when does the “unique” stuff start? This is all plagiarised tits and gore bullshit full of unfunny puns, starring whores, and backed by a literal retard. This is not how movies get made.

13:00 – He says that he wants to make movies that aren’t “preachy” and yet he says that he has at least two movies that “satirise” “toxic masculinity”…by being about “sexy” monsters.

“I’m not out here sucking my own dick.”

Joe from Game Sack just turned the video off, his disappointment evident.

13:15 – “If you’re into sexy Frankenstein and sexy wolf…girl and all that kind of stuff…”

I’ll be honest, Newt. I’m not. I’m into good movies, with a smart, carefully-crafted script, starring professional actors and actresses, and created by people who actually know how to make a movie. Can you do that? If not, do something else with your time. This is preposterous.

“And some biting satire.” Where’s the biting satire? How are “sexy” monsters satirising “toxic masculinity”?

14:00 – “It was always the goal just to make art with my friends.”

No. You’re making SHIT with WHORES. God, it’s fucking infuriating. How clueless can this guy possibly be about his own fucking life?

14:15 – “The goal is for people to get paid, get seen, and do work that they’re proud of.”

Hey, you, the prostitute dressed as a sexy vampire, Count Whoreula, are you feeling proud of yourself right now?

Fuck you, asshole. Don’t turn your whore Make-A-Wish fetish into something more than it is. You’re a lonely john who’s wasted his fucking life and you surround yourself with prostitutes. You’ve found a literal retard to give you money for this. I would be astounded if any money is actually transferred. Who would possibly fucking do this? As soon as that “investor’s” nurse finds out about this, she’s putting a stop to it.

15:45 – “It all came from friends of mine who do OnlyFans and Fansly.”

They’re not friends, Newt. They’re whores. You’re paying them.

You know what I’m reminded of? You get those old men who get a hot Russian or Asian bride and then they’re shocked when the woman runs off with their money. What the fuck did you expect? This impoverished woman half your age was just interested in your sweet personality? You deserve to have all of your money taken from you, you fucking moron.

That’s the video. Somebody leaves a thoughtful comment.

• “Have you ever tried making something serious rather than cheesy, derivative, non-sensical poorly acted trash with awful dialogue, costumes, effects and cinematography that serve no purpose other than to showcase bad puns for character names and movie titles? That you wrote a script overnight is evident and not the flex you think it is. You seem to be somewhat intelligent and definitely versed in cinema so I just wonder if you would ever actually apply yourself to try and make something original and worthwhile rather than Asylum level trash. There is a big difference between classic B movies and this and if you don’t get it then you just don’t get it.”

One of the horntards says, “Let the man make what he wants. Success is in the eye of the beholder.”

Obviously, that horntard effectively agrees with the original poster but wants to perpetuate Newt’s delusions. That seems to be a common thing with the horntards. For whatever reason, they feel the need to feed the delusions of Newt or whoever the “Youtuber” is.

Newt replies. “I grew up on Roger corman. Fred olen ray. B movie elements are window dressing. No one wants to see an amateur try to be an autuer. I don’t want awards. I want to make people laugh. Or let them disconnect for an hour. You can get a lot of interesting ideas in and interesting cinematography in when people are distracted”

So….he addressed NONE of that guy’s issues. Okay, Newt. Continue your delusional bullshit. Continue spending money on your prositute “friends” so that they appear in “movies” of yours that will never get released. Continue to take money from literal retards. This is all a good use of your limited time on earth.

By the way, Newt “hearted” every single comment except for that guy’s. The one guy speaking the fucking truth.

0:00 – At first, I thought that he was in a bathroom. But I think he’s in an office at one of his jobs. I think his red shirt is part of the uniform. Some retail job. I don’t know what the Mr Rogers sweater is all about. Surely, that’s not part of the uniform. That’s just his own style choice.

0:30 – “Working these overnights has allowed me to get some writing done.”

We’re not paying you to write shitty tits and gore movies, Newt. We’re paying you to manage the store. Get to work, asshole.

2:15 – Newt is talking about some shitty “director” (I think) of tits and gore movies. He says that he, “Keeps up with his blog.” Newt is a big blog fan.

4:00 – Shout out to how shitty the AVGN Movie is. Newt. Get over it. You were fired for WHOLESALE plagiarism. It’s not retard James Rolfe’s fault. It’s yours.

The sweater is really confusing me. He’s worn this before, I think. Can it POSSIBLY be part of the uniform? Why else would he wear it? But he also wears a bracelet so his fashion choices can’t all be easily explained.

Maybe he’s wearing it to cover up the logo on his shirt because he doesn’t want people to know where he works. But…I don’t know. Why this? Why a sweater? I guess a jacket would be more awkward but…I don’t know. On one hand, the sweater does seem the best option but on the other hand…it’s hella gay. So maybe just don’t make the videos while you’re at work. Maybe do your fucking job instead.

9:15 – “I’ve got somebody who wants to give me an investment to make a movie and I’m like, ‘What if I’m not any good.’”

Newt. You’re not. This is an easy one. Don’t take the money. Don’t make the movie. You suck ass.

He’s the worst. Aggressively bad.. Absolutely no talent AT ALL for this. It’s like he’s TRYING to suck penis. But, inexplicably, he thinks that he’s good. He thinks that he has talent for this. Show me. Show me ANYTHING that you made that was good. It doesn’t have to be a completed project (because there’s scandalously few of those) just show me ANYTHING that’s good. A scene, a few lines of dialogue, a page from a script, a Youtube video. ANYTHING. It all sucks cock, Newt. Face the reality and move on. You’re wasting your fucking life with this delusional shit.

Then he theorizes that Screenwave was responsible for making his projects looks good. Oh. What? I mean, he’s probably right. But when SCREENWAVE is an improvement to your projects, you know that you have some massive fucking problems.

11:15 – Newt says “taking the piss” and it comes off as so awkward and put on. It’s a British phrase. Why did he say this?

I worked in a place that had an Australian woman working there. And one of the English women there said, “No worries”. And one of the English guys took her to task for saying “no worries”, which is obviously an Australian term. He theorized that she only said it to impress this Australian woman. The English woman denied it, saying that “no worries” isn’t an Australian term, which, of course, it is.

So I’m saying that Newt is trying to impress the British ladyboys who watch his videos.

11:45 – “If you’re a fan of those micro-budget, in a box style movies…”

Nobody is. Nobody is a fan of these fucking shit, zero budget tits and gore “movies”.

13:15 – Newt begs this complete nobody to review Swamp Zombie 2 and says that he deserves it because he just gave his movie a good review and he comments on his channel. What a shameless piece of shit.

“This is why I don’t watch these videos back because I just assume that I sound like a fucking dickhole.”

Yeah. That’s the video.

So the channel that Newt was talking about is Movie Timelines.

https://www.youtube.com/@movietimelines

59,000 subscribers. They’re hardly setting the world on fire.

I was going to write more about this guy’s channel but I tried to watch two videos, quickly got bored, and closed the window.