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WTF Wednesday Review: Lost Highway – Newt Wallen
Fifty-three fucking minutes of PVC Bondage Girl (who perhaps needs to lay off the Bavarian pretzels for a while) and Newt, in Newt’s car.
They’re clearly in a relationship. Come on. Maybe PVC Bondage Girl’s Minnesota girlfriend can’t see it, but I can. I’m not fucking retarded. They’ve done like a dozen videos recently. They’re always watching movies together. She’s always in his kitchen. Late at night. Or in his car. He’s probably paying her. Some sugardaddy thing. This is what Newt does. He’s a fucking creep.
So they’re going to talk about this tits and gore movie because this is all that Newt knows how to do. And he’s making these videos so fucking long. He’s taking the worst aspects of Hack the Movies and applying them to his shitty channel. Here’s what he’s doing:
- Find an unattractive woman
- Summarise the movie
- Have the video go on for about an hour or more
These are the things that have made Hack the Movies UNWATCHABLE. So Newt has taken these fucking god awful ideas and ran with them. He’s ripping off Hack the Movies and doing so in the worst possible way.
Hey…Ideas Man…maybe try ripping off the GOOD aspects of Hack the Movies. He doesn’t have a fucking clue.
1:00 – PVC Bondage Girl indicates that she was born in 1997. That makes her about 25 years old. Newt is about 40. How much is this costing you, Newt?
2:45 – Eugh. PVC Bondage Girl is talking about the favourite movies of the Columbine shooters. She’s interested in this shit. Just like Horseface has an interest in murderers.
This is so fucking boring. I’m just listening for the word “tits”. But I’m thinking maybe it’s anti-depressant medication that’s the cause for PVC Bondage Girl’s weight gain. So it’s a difficult situation. I don’t want to suggest that she stop taking the medication.
I went out with a big fat chick. Once. She said that her weight gain was a result of anti-depressant medication. I really liked her. We had a lot in common. And she was a nice woman and had a good job. But she was a great big fat chick. So I suddenly became really busy.
Newt is PAYING for this.
I’m reminded of another time where a 19 year old fat chick who I matched with on Tinder suggested that I should pay for her books for university. She was suggesting some sugardaddy thing.
Really? A fat chick? FUCK OFF. I’m not paying for a fat chick.
Newt is.
I’m at 22 minutes, by the way. Nothing is happening. It’s just noise.
Here’s another story that I’m reminded of. I worked in a place that was mostly immigrants from Pakistan. And they would talk in whatever their language is. All fucking day. It was awful. If it was in English, at least you’d be able to follow along. But since it was…whatever this language is, it was just like a buzzing noise. All fucking day.
24:30 – Oh, Newt is telling PVC Bondage Girl a funny joke. He’s a real comedian.
Newt: What do pools and women have in common?
PVC: They’re both wet. What is it?
Newt: They both cost a lot to maintain for the amount of time that you spend inside of them.
Yeah. Newt. Just tell us. How much are you paying PVC Bondage Girl?
By the way, they’re just talking about all of the sex scenes in this movie. Apparently, there are a lot of such scenes. And pornography.
This is fucking terrible. Who is this for? Who’s being entertained by this? I have no fucking idea. This is just Newt’s extremely misguided attempts to woo PVC Bondage Girl. But he’s already fucking paying her. You don’t have to woo her. “Boy, I hope this prostitute likes me.” It’s fucking weird.
I’m at 31 minutes now. Can I stop yet? Yeah. Fuck this shit.
Let’s see what The Ideas Man is doing over on Twitter. Youtube analytics is my guess. Maybe some dead celebrities. And the people responding will be ladyboys.
Oh, riveting stuff, Newt. Actually, I’m going to unsubscribe now. Newt was the one channel that I was subscribed to. But his content is fucking unwatchable now. So now you’re 201 subscribers away from 10,000.
Newt says, “get me to 10k. Ill do full frontal”
Why would anybody want that? And I’m suddenly reminded of the time when Newt flashed the camera in some video, which I assume is deleted now, and…this is not a man who should be flashing anything. Get to work on building the Adonis and then maybe. But some fucking fat, dumpy, 40 year old man? Fuck no.
I talk about the flashing video there. The video is still up, surprisingly.
“Yo @RGT_85thank you so much for posting this video and sharing your struggles with depression. I hope more and more Men can start to talk about this shit and stop invalidating people who are tired of raw dogging reality”
And he links to a video where some guy talks about depression. Some camp fucking low-functioning redneck. He’s all melodramatic.
Hey. Nancy boy. I’m sympathetic to people who are going through depression. What I’m not sympathetic towards are fucking creepy weirdos like you and Newt Wallen who wallow in depression because they’re trying to garner sympathy from others. Fix your fucking problems and then the depression will go away. Try getting a job. Maybe that will help.
“Gee, I have no job. No girlfriend. This is really depressing.”
Of course it’s depressing. So go get a job and a girlfriend. What’s so hard about this? Isn’t the solution obvious?
No. They want to keep making peanuts on Youtube with their shitty, unwatchable videos and get pitied by ladyboys. It doesn’t make any fucking sense.
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Geek Time TNG: Warner Bros. Attacked for Anti-Woke Agenda?! Typical. GET THE REAL DETAILS – Irate Gamer
About three months ago, Chris BORES re-started his podcast. It was cringe as fuck. He took questions from the audience. Clearly, nothing was screened. You’d get little kids calling in with stupid shit, for example.
The first few episodes were solo but then he scrounged up some co-host to appear via Skype. He was awful.
The videos are so bad that they’re not even on the channel any more. You have to search for them. There’s a partial list here but it’s certainly not all of them:
https://www.youtube.com/@ChrisNEO/streams
Aside from the cringe, he also talks a lot about typical American right-wing talking points. I don’t get it. Who’s the audience for this thing? Children? Nerds? Members of the Proud Boys?
So it starts with the theme song. Lyrics include, “If you’ve never kissed a girl or tasted wine”, “If you still live with your parents and you’re 38 years old”, “It’s time to get a life”, “You will never get a wife.”
You hear Chris BORES laughing at some of these lyrics, while the song is playing. He couldn’t even turn his microphone off for this song. And how many times has he heard this song? It still tickles him?
And this is the worst possible song. You’re insulting your audience.
1:30 – He immediately launches into the topic. Doesn’t say, “Welcome to the podcast” or anything like this. He’s just straight in with the topic. He says that he’s “Had some communication with Warner Bros about this.”
About what? And who at Warner Bros have you been speaking to? It’s nobody. Nobody at Warner Bros gives a shit about Chris BORES. Give me a fucking break. This is insulting my intelligence.
4:00 – He’s said “anti-woke” about 15 times so far but…what the fuck is he talking about? What’s the story? Something about Warner Bros but that’s as much as I know. You want to explain anything, Chris?
“Being the Irate Gamer and knowing what people against you will do, this is typical.”
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? GET TO IT!
4:15 – “I’d expect no less from these type of people.”
What type of people? Jews? This is something to do with Warner Bros. He’s comparing his problems with Warner Bros’ problems. I have no fucking idea what he’s talking about.
Okay. He’s saying that since Warner Bros is going in this “anti-woke direction”, talent agencies are advising their actors not to work with Warner Bros.
Chris. Listen to me. I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. What is this “anti-woke” thing that Warner Bros is doing? How does it relate to your experiences on Youtube? Is this a Jewish thing? I genuinely have no idea what he’s talking about. He refuses to explain anything. Is this all coded right wing bullshit?
4:45 – So Chris is fine with fewer people wanting to work for Warner Bros because, “It will open the door up for people who have been trying to get in there for years, like myself.”
What? In what way has Chris BORES been trying to work with Warner Bros? This is completely fucking delusional. Is Warner Bros going to do something with Irate Gamer or his god awful ghost hunting bullshit? It’s preposterous. And I still have no fucking idea what this “anti-woke” thing is.
Let me look this up. I should not have to do this. And people listening to the podcast live aren’t able to pause and look shit up. Chris BORES should be fucking explaining shit.
The new CEO of Warner Bros, (Jewish-looking name, by the way) is “un-cancelling” JK Rowling by asking her to do a new Harry Potter series. He also commissioned a film or something by Clint Eastwood. So…this is “anti-woke”. I guess.
And this guy is Jewish, right? Let me look this up.
Yeah. Of course. So who was he talking about when he said, “These kind of people”? The Illuminati? Nothing is explained.
5:00 – “This all started with the Batgirl movie being dropped from their slate.”
I don’t know what any of this is. Was Batgirl some kind of feminist or “woke” movie? I don’t know and I don’t give a shit. I’m a grown man. And Chris is older than I am.
5:15 – “If you don’t think that articles like this are pay for play, come on, man.”
Just tell us what you’re talking about, Chris. Enough of this coded bullshit. Who is he railing against? Communists? The Deep State? Black UN helicopters? I have no fucking idea. Give me a hint.
5:30 – Then he says that he experienced the same thing “time and time again”. WHAT THING? WHO? WHAT’S GOING ON?
“I revealed in the last episode that there was a — we put something in the video, I can’t remember what it was, but we put something in our video when we did the Beatles Rock Band review. I put something in there that they didn’t like.”
WHO? FUCKING EXPLAIN THINGS. He’s talking about fucking grey little men or something.
“And they were like, ‘You need to remove this or we’re cutting off all ties with you. You’re not getting any special privileges with our company.”
So…Chris BORES put something controversial (so controversial that he can’t even remember what it was) into some game review and the Jews/Democratic Party/Hollywood Liberals or something threatened him with…lack of special privileges?
God. This guy is a fucking retard. I’m sorry. Six minutes of fucking bullshit. If you want to talk about your idiotic conspiracy theory bullshit, go nuts. I don’t give a shit. But fucking tell a story. Enough of this nebulous bullshit.
6:00 – “I’m not telling you what I saw at Microsoft and Sony and Nintendo because — same shit over there too.”
If anyone can explain this, by all means do so. What are we supposed to be taking away from any of this? So far, I only know Chris BORES is a fucking tedious imbecile. I already knew that.
Oh, and it’s not just me. I just noticed some of the comments. He was livestreaming this. These are comments that were left in realtime.
- “what is this about”
He says that Gamespot is “in the pocket” of the video game companies.
What year is this? When was the last time that anyone went to Gamespot?
“I’ll do a whole episode on that once things come crashing down in the next couple of weeks or so.”
When was the apocalypse? Did I miss it? What happened?
7:15 – “When you get up into this upper echelon in Warner Bros and things like that, you see that there are cabals. Warner Bros is notorious for housing a lot of these cabals where it’s just their friends, the same people over and over again.”
These are clearly codewords for “Jews”. But…I don’t know what he’s saying. No clue. The CEO of Warner Bros is Jewish. Jews control Hollywood. We know this, Chris. But then why is he talking about how there’s going to be a new Renaissance at Warner Bros because this new Jewish CEO is “anti-woke”? None of this makes sense.
Conspiracy theories have to have a logical train of thought. Chris BORES is just spouting random nonsense off the cuff. He hasn’t thought any of this out. He’s just trying to do some Rush Limbaugh impression.
7:45 – “I’m being very cryptic here because I don’t want to get in trouble and I don’t want certain people coming after me.”
Yeah. Jews. I get it.
But…nobody fucking wants Irate Gamer or his ghost hunting bullshit on television. Jews and gentiles all agree on this. It’s not a conspiracy to keep Chris BORES off of national television. It’s just common sense.
9:00 – “I know you guys are all thinking of that Irate Gamer/AVGN thing. Yeah, perfect example. Back in 2009/2010/2011. Nobody wants to say it but look what happened back then. AVGN and his crowd formed this little clique and they were like, ‘Anyone who doesn’t go along with this clique…”
And then he just rambles. What does this have to do with Jews? As far as I’m aware, the only Jew associated with James Rolfe is Justin Silverman. And he wasn’t there in 2011.
9:45 – “I was the only person who wasn’t going to sit there and go, ‘James, you’re the best. You’re the best. I’m going to kiss your ass.’ And look what happened to me.”
People got wise to your boring as fuck, plagiarised bullshit. Nothing to do with a Jewish conspiracy.
Then Chris BORES says that people at Cinemassacre sabotaged Chris BORES’ career. I don’t even want to get into this. I don’t fucking care. I don’t even know what Chris BORES is advocating. Expulsion of the Jews? Just tell us. Give us a logical explanation of things. It can be a crazy conspiracy theory but make it a COHERENT crazy conspiracy theory.
People in the chat are just spamming now. They’re bored as fuck with this rambling nonsense.
12:00 – Somebody gives Chris BORES five Canadian dollars and Chris BORES has NO IDEA what “CA$5.00” means. So he just stumbles over it and says, “Thank you for the paid comment.” The comment was “CURSE YOU, SHEEP!!!” by the way. He’s being sarcastic, presumably.
18:30 – Chris BORES says that he was supposed to do a commercial for Atari. But the Jews (or somebody) screwed him out of that deal.
Chris BORES refused these offers because these Jews (or whoever) wanted to take a cut of his profits. This was in 2012. So ever since then, his channel tanked. So…Chris blames the Jews for the downfall of his channel. Or somebody.
21:00 – “I was the very first person shadow banned on Youtube.”
Ummmm….yeah. Citation needed, BORES.
By the way, the comments are full of random, racist conspiracy theory bullshit.
22:00 – Then he talks about how PewDiePie came “out of nowhere” and was “backed by Youtube.” PewDiePie isn’t Jewish.
22:45 – “And they’re doing the same thing to Warner Bros. You better get back on this agenda bandwagon or we’re going to ban you.”
What exactly is Chris’ explanation for being “banned” by Youtube? He just says that he didn’t want to give a cut of his profits to anyone. So what’s the relevance to Warner Bros?
23:00 – “If you guys are all going to pull out, hey, I’m right here, man. Talk to me. I don’t care. Because I’ve been trying to get in there for years and the problem is there’s all these cabals in place.”
No. What? What is the project that he’s even trying to sell to Warner Bros? It’s ridiculous. The man has absolutely no charisma and his videos are terrible. Nothing to do with Jewish conspiracies.
Is there a cabal of Jews who control Youtube and Hollwood? I don’t know. It’s plausible. But is that the reason why Warner Bros isn’t producing an Irate Gamer tv show? Fuck no. The reason is that the show would be deemed the biggest piece of shit ever aired on television.
Somebody in the comments says:
- “Chris are you on the mushrooms again”
Somebody else asks, “What agency are you with, Chris?” Chris laughs and says, “I’m with the good guys.”
Does he even know what this guy was asking? He was asking about TALENT agencies. He was making a joke of the fact that Chris BORES thinks that he should be making tv shows or whatever in Hollywood.
But no. Chris BORES isn’t with any agency. He doesn’t even know what the term means. BORES thought that this guy was asking some comic book type of question. “Which superhero agency are you with?” No, you fucking retard. You just illustrated your complete ignorance about this industry that you say is shutting you out because it’s run by a cabal of Jews.
Then he says, “I’m of the agency of God. So the universe and everything that made this universe. That’s a whole deep topic and hole to go down as well.”
What? Now he’s talking about Jesus of Nazareth? TALENT agency, Chris. That’s what the guy was asking about.
“Which I don’t really want to get into on the Irate Gamer channel…for obvious reasons.”
Yes. Jews. We get it.
But yeah, Chris BORES is a Jesus nut. He’s said stuff like this before.
Ha. Yeah, and then the guy comes back with:
- “Talent agency, I mean.”
Fucking retard Chris BORES.
24:30 – So now we’re in the call-in portion of the show. This is going to be great.
24:45 – BORES is talking about a recent comment that he didn’t like, “Oh, Chris is joining that bandwagon of going really right-wing, he’s jumping on that bandwagon and trying to get famous again.” So he says, “Come on, man. This channel has been shadow-banned and whatnot. I’m not going to get shit.”
Well, we can agree on that. But that doesn’t address the question, does it? He’s clearly doing some weird right-wing bullshit now.
25:45 – We have our first caller.
BORES: Okay, if you want to rake me over the coals, let’s hear it, ShadowFlare.
ShadowFlare: Actually, I completely agree with you.
You don’t say. Probably because Chris BORES bans anyone who disagrees with him. The entire chat is fucking lunatics.
So the guy says that it’s surprising that Warner Bros is going “anti-woke” because they used to be really “woke”.
Chris doesn’t know what to say to this. He can’t have a conversation and he doesn’t know anything about Warner Bros or issues of the day. And the people calling in are fucking retards, which doesn’t help.
Somebody in the comments refers to the caller:
- “this dude sounds like the nerd emoji”
Oh god. I have to turn this off now. They’re having some nerd comic book discussion. Fuck off. Get back to the Jews.
Let’s check out the comments.
- “what the hell are you talking the fuck”
- “Wtf did I just watch?”
- “is the woke mob the reason you can’t break 100k on videos anymore? asking for a friend”
- “Looks like The Irate Gamer fell off and is no longer a gamer. Disappointed that he’s changing into this cringy content”
- “I kinda wish he’d bring back the ghost hunting shit from a few years ago and combine it with this. I want to see him yell about Woke Ghosts”
- “So Chris, I see you are jumping on another bandwagon of cringe because you other attempts and making money have failed (AVGN clone, Minecraft toy show) -“
Somebody also says that he should keep doing the podcast. Chris says that he’s been too busy. No time, am I right, boys?
No time and no views and no charisma and no ability to speak like a normal human being.
So he buried these podcasts now. They’re kind of unlisted. I can’t quite figure out what he did.
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Mint Salad has Been Banned from Twitter
It’s good to see Elon Musk cleaning this shit up. It’s high time. Get rid of all of this bullshit pseudo pornography for retards.
Let’s go back to the days where there were standards in the porn industry. Only hot chicks were allowed in. That’s the way that I liked it.
But now any fucking fat chick with a phone can make pornography. And not even good pornography. You know, the hardcore stuff. This is the shittiest, scammiest bullshit in the entire proud history of pornography. “Lewds”? Really? You want me to pay five bucks a month for pictures of a fat chick or a horseface chick or whatever in a bikini? FUCK OFF!
But retards go for this stuff. They just want somebody to talk to. It’s sad and these women are clearly taking advantage of these very unfortunate men.
“Oh, maybe I can start showing my boobs once I get comfortable six months from now.” Who gives a shit? I can see the boobs of a hot chick right now over on fucking PornHub or whatever. And they’re getting fucked. Anally. And doing all kinds of depraved shit.
So anyway, Crystal Quin aka Horseface McGee was first to break the news.
She shows the picture that lead to Mint Salad getting banned. Yeah. It’s porn. Bad porn.
And it’s true that there’s actual porn on Twitter. Any legitimate porn star has a scammy Twitter that’s nothing but pornographic pictures of them. But it seems like the problem here is that Mint Salad used this as her profile picture. I…guess that I’ve never seen pornographic pictures used on anyone’s profile pictures.
Also, these pictures that actual porn stars put on Twitter are always marked as not safe for work. So you get a warning before you click it. Mint Salad was just putting this picture up with no blur effect, no warning.
So anyway, Horseface says, “This is bullshit. She not even showing nipple and most of her boobs are covered. ‘May be intended to cause sexual arousal’ is very subjective.”
Boy, is that true. You look at the alleged porn that Horseface posts and you just think, “What? This is intended to cause sexual arousal? I don’t get it.”
But then you have fucking Kris Glavin and his ilk going nuts over this. “Smokeshow, young lady.” Shit like this.
So let’s see what old Horseface has been up to.
Oh, she’s on Hinge. Why? Isn’t that a dating app?
Yeah. I mean…what the fuck? There are plenty of suitors right there on Twitter. Kris Glavin doesn’t live far from Horseface. What’s wrong with Kris Glavin? He’s obviously interested in Horseface. Why doesn’t she go out with him? Why doesn’t she send him a DM saying, “Hey. Wanna fuck?”?
She’s happy to take money from him. She’s happy to receive compliments from him many times a day. But she doesn’t want to go out? Don’t lead the guy on, Horseface. Tell him that you’re not interested.
But okay, that’s just Kris Glavin. Surely, there are other guys on her Twitter who she’d like to go out with. Any hot, muscular, young men on there? How many young doctors are paying for her Fansly?
Wait…none? It’s all horny retards? Well that’s an odd audience. You might want to reconsider your strategy. Attract some hot, eligible bachelors to your site.
Oh. You can’t. Because hot, eligible bachelors aren’t interested in fat chicks and horsefaced women. I see.
Whoa! Did my pants just get tighter?
Oh. They did. But only because I voided my bowels in disgust.
If you’re jerking off to this, you have some real problems. And this is her Thanksgiving message? It’s all about her, of course. Nothing about family or Pilgrims or whatnot.
Is it the Pilgrims who introduced horses to the Indians? Oh, no. It was the Spanish. They arrived before the Pilgrims.
This is Horseface filming a “secret project.” What could it be? A remake of A Horse for Christmas?
I never tire of these horse jokes. I know that it’s cruel but Horseface is a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Horseface, I’m bringing some news today. I don’t give the slightest of fucks about your diabetic cousin. Take this shit and shove it up your ass.
Then she posts a bunch of AI art…OF HERSELF! What else? And she asks the horntards which picture of hers if their favourite.
Horseface…I don’t give a shit. I’m not interested in your narcissistic bullshit.
Oh, Del replied. He’s the transgender guy who replies to Newt’s tweets. One of many. And…ew. Speaking of horsefaces…
So that’s Horseface’s Twitter. Let’s check out Mint…oh, that’s right. We can’t see what Mint Salad has to say on Twitter.
Maybe Mint Salad should use this setback as an opportunity to get a job. Or maybe just get away from that fat hillbilly pimp. That’s probably the first move.
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Completing the Bone Zone stage in Vampire Survivors! – Erin Plays
I guess that Erin is going to run this game into the ground now. Just like she does with the Castlevania series. Okay, Erin. I’ll watch it. What terrible, boring bullshit do you have to say this time?
By the way, Mike streamed this game. That’s how Erin knows about it.
0:15 – “So I have to tell you guys something. If you grew up in a mall that had a Gloria Jeans — remember that? It was like a coffee shop that was in malls. And…okay, this sounds too loud. Vice Project Doom is a good game, though. Ummm…I don’t usually like flavoured coffee. But…ummm…I’ll tweet this in a more articulate way later on.”
Thank the almighty fuck. This is fucking abysmal. This is how she starts the stream? This rambling story that goes nowhere? Gloria Jeans? What? Did I even hear that right? There was a coffee shop called Gloria Jeans?
She continues. “But…I don’t know…it was just like, it felt like it was calling to me. It was like the McCafe coffee cups and it was like toffee almond flavour.”
What in the blue hell is she talking about? Nobody gives a shit. Shut the fuck up and start the game.
Negative fucking charisma. I don’t want to hear this fucking go-nowhere story.
“And when you brew it, it smells exactly like…like how Gloria Jeans used to smell in the mall in the 90s.”
NOBODY CARES! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
“And I feel like I was meant to try this flavour. I just feel like it was meant for me.”
So that’s the story. And she edited stuff out before and after this story. So…when she was editing this video, she thought that this was a story that needed to be heard. “They’re going to LOVE this coffee story that goes nowhere!”
No. I didn’t love it, Erin. I don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about. I don’t give a shit about malls. I don’t give a shit about coffee. I’m here for some pro gaming. Vampire Survivors. Let’s see it.
9:45 – “Yeah, using a d-pad is usually better for me with…ummm…carpal tunnel.”
More lies.
But here’s what this stream is: Erin playing the game, poorly, and saying “do I want this item or do I want this item.” That’s it. That’s the stream. Who would want to watch this?
10:45 – “Have I considered playing the Wii? Oh, for like motion control stuff? Yeah, it’s like sometimes that bothers my hands, though. It depends on the motion it’s doing, you know.”
Have you considered getting a job, Erin? Or would that bother your hands too? Depends on the motion, I guess. Can you work a cash register? Can you pack food into bags? Can you cook? Next time you’re in McDonalds, fill out a job application. It would be way less degrading than what you’re doing now and it would pay a lot more money.
Okay. I’m done. I made it to 20 minutes.
This is just 45 fucking minutes of a 35 year old chubby, unemployed woman playing a game, poorly, not knowing what’s going on, and every time she levels up she’ll say, “Do I want this item or do I want this item?” That’s it. Oh, and the occasional shoutout to her fake carpal tunnel syndrome.
Who the fuck would want to watch this? This is awful. It’s nothing.
Now I’m wondering what her normal streams are like. Because I can never go two minutes without commenting on something stupid that she says. But here, she’s saying NOTHING.
Completely fucking abysmal. What was I doing when I was 35? I changed what company I was working for. I made twice as much money for doing half as much work. So I was making cash. This is how improve your income. Forget about asking for raises or trying to get promotions. Just change companies every three years or so. Studies have borne this out.
The first place I worked for in my current profession, there were about 20 people all doing the same job. Twenty people who I knew of, anyway. And I have some idea what most of them are doing today. I don’t think that any of them are making more money than I am.
Because they’re mostly still working at the same fucking company. Making peanuts. I changed companies. Every three years. Then I decided to just do it self-employed. Cut out the parasitic middleman.
Today, I can go anywhere in the US and make $100,000/year. The jobs are out there. I see the job listings. They have a difficult time finding qualified people.
This is what I’ve been doing with my life. Learning a trade. Making money. Meanwhile, Erin has been wasting her life, playing video game for a handful of horny retards, for $100/month.
Look at this shit. Who would want a mug with a stripped down 3.5″ disc that says “Erin Plays” on it? It’s in the worst fucking design in history. Bitch Duo should be ashamed of himself. But Erin continues to use this design? Why? It looks like shit.
And do you know who replies? Fucking nobody. NOBODY wants this. Not even Shishi.
That mug is £18.90. Her old school mug, which has a much more suitable logo on it, is £11.85. Why? How does she justify these prices? Why is this shitty mug almost twice as much as her old school mug? It’s the same mug.
You can set whatever prices you want on these items. TeeSpring charges a flat fee of, let’s say £8 per mug, and then whatever you charge over that amount is yours. So in this example, she’d be making £3 for every old school mug that she sells and £10 profit for every shitty new mug that she sells.
But the prices make no fucking sense. Why is she charging £7 more for this shitty new mug?
And the sweatshirt is £55. Come the fuck on. The cut that TeeSpring takes from these things is like £25. So she more than doubled the price.
For who? Who are these hardcore Erin Plays fans who are begging for new “merch”? And you can just make this shit yourself using TeeSpring or any other print-on-demand company. And you can buy the item for the base cost. So £25 in this case. All you need is the logo. You can fucking design a BETTER logo than the piece of shit that Erin slapped on there.
Make a design of Erin fucking topless on the Power Pad. I mean, not for the sweatshirt, that might be a little too bold, but for the mug.
This “merch” store, just like everything else Erin has ever done, is a complete fucking disaster. Every move she makes is the wrong move.
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Point and Drink Adventure Episode 4 – Visit to Canada and Bourbon – CannotBeTamed
Here we go. Episode 4 of the podcast that’s sweeping the globe: Point and Drink Adventure. It stars our two lovely and talented hosts: Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining and what’s her name…Pele or something. I talked about the inaugural episode here:
It’s absolutely abysmal. They’ve basically just stolen the format to The Cinemassacre Podcast. What’cha Drinkin’, What’cha Playin’, What’cha Watchin’. What’cha Talkin’ About, Mr D?
Nobody is watching this shit. Nobody is reading this article. That’s what I find so interesting about this stuff. Like sometimes Mike Matei will play an obscure romhack and he’ll regularly comment, “I might be the only person on earth who ever played this.”
Same thing with books, I guess. There are a lot of self-published out there that nobody is reading.
There’s just something about interesting about it. Somebody put work into something and…it’s basically for nothing. Because nobody is consuming whatever it is that they made. But by you watching it or playing it or reading it, it gives some tiny meaning to the thing. At least there’s one person out there who watched or read or played whatever it is that you did.
0:00 – Wait…what? This woman introduces herself as “Michelle”. I knew that it wasn’t Pele but…it’s Michelle? No. It was Petee. Was Petee just her screenname? Or is Petee her real name and Michelle her English name? Because I don’t think that people from the Philippines do that. I think it’s just a Chinese thing.
Whatever. She wants to go by Michelle. Fine.
0:15 – Then they start touching each other. Oh my god. This is so hot. My favourite lesbian couple touching each other.
They usually film these over Skype but they got together for this. They’re in Pam’s spinster apartment.
1:00 – Michelle says that she’s from Virginia. I just assumed that she was Canadian. But no. So she travelled from Virginia for this? That is some desperate shit. There aren’t any lesbians in Virginia who might be interested? Come on. Put an ad on Tinder and see who replies. I’m sure that you can find somebody more local.
They talk about bourbon in boring detail. I’m skipping ahead. Fortunately, everything is time-stamped because Pam is autistic.
9:30 – Barbarian. Some tits and gore movie. It starts with, literally, Pam and her lesbian friend here talking about how they live in constant fear of men murdering them.
Ladies. We get it. Men are awful. So you’re lesbians. That’s cool. Do your thing. Nobody gives a shit.
I’m skipping ahead.
12:30 – Bad Sisters. Uh huh. Let’s hear about this lesbian bullshit.
It’s about some sisters. One of the sisters is married to an “emotionally abusive” man. Uh huh. I can see why this appeals to Pam. Pam is all about man-hating media.
I wonder why this is such a common thing among lesbians. Gay men don’t really do this, do they? Gay men don’t seem to have a contempt for women. They’re just into guys. But for whatever reason, a lot of lesbians just really find men objectionable. And Pam is a textbook example of this.
Skipping ahead again. This is all unwatchable so far.
16:00 – Invasion of the Body Snatchers. This was Pele’s movie. Is Pele still alive, by the way? I mean the Brazilian soccer player.
He is. He’s 82 years old.
Eugh. I have to move on again. I’m sorry but this is boring as fuck. Neither one of these bulldykes has even an ounce of charisma.
19:15 – Magic Mike XXL? What the fuck is this?
Oh. It’s some movie about male strippers. And these two vagitarians describe themselves as “thirsty girls”.
I’m reminded of a gay man who I lived with who suggested to me and my roommate that we all watch pornography together some time. He had a DVD. The DVD was heterosexual porn. But we declined the offer because…you know…that’s gay.
So even though this movie is about sexy guys, it’s still two lesbians watching this. And the enjoyment comes not from the movie but from the fact they’re both, maybe, getting horny and it might lead to other stuff.
Then they say that they went to a “drag show”. More weird, emasculating, stuff that lesbians enjoy.
Skipping ahead again.
23:00 – Alaska Concert. Pele says, “Pam has opened me up to the world of Ru Paul’s Drag Race.”
So yeah, this is what Pam is into. Men who look like women. And not because she finds this sexually exciting in any kind of normal sense (as normal as possible, given the circumstances). But she likes men being emasculated. This is her thing because she really hates men. It’s obvious in everything that she says and does.
From what I can figure out, Alaska is a band or a single performer who’s transgender. And they went a concert for this group or whatever it is.
Moving on.
26:00 – Star Trek the Next Generation. What man-hating shit can she possibly say here? Was there an episode where Picard dressed as a woman? If there was, she’ll tell us.
Pele really likes Riker because he’s a “player”. Do people still say that? I don’t think so. Not in the past 20+ years. But Pele obviously isn’t keeping up with the times.
Pele also enjoys the episodes that deal with racism and similar social issues. Eugh. Great. What about Troi’s giant tits? No mention of those?
They talk about how sexy Picard is. Not even joking.
This is not what the show is about. But these fucking cretins are just watching this shit…let’s just move on. I don’t give a shit.
29:30 – Now they’re talking about video games that they’ve been playing. Even though Pele isn’t even interested in video games.
God. I don’t give the slightest of fucks. Let me skip straight to the end.
54:45 – Pam says that she’s going to play board games with Pele tonight. Uh huh. This is a typical date for lesbians, I guess.
So that’s the video. Terrible. Unwatchable, ladies. And the view numbers back me up.
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The Menu Review – Newt Wallen
I’m not watching a 75 minute “review” of a tits and gore movie, Newt. It’s not fucking happening. I don’t care if PVC Bondage Girl is naked for the whole review. There’s no fucking way that I’m going to watch this.
NOBODY is watching this. Newt is all about sharing his Youtube analytics. So show us the percentage of people who watched this entire 75 minute video. I’m guessing that it’s literally zero.
So we have fucking Newt and PVC Bondage Girl in Newt’s kitchen. Probably late at night. They’re obviously in some weird relationship, even though PVC Bondage Girl has a girlfriend who lives in Minnesota. Maybe Newt is just paying her like he did with Horseface. Some sugardaddy thing.
0:15 – Shout out to the Schlock and Awe Discord, which PVC Bondage Girl set up and probably moderates. Who the fuck would go to this? Who are these hardcore Newt Wallen fans who are hanging around all day in his Discord?
2:30 – Newt tells a pointless story about him breaking out into hives after eating a McDonald’s burger. He’s allergic to onions. You’re not going to woo PVC Bondage Girl with this shit.
5:15 – Now Newt is talking about how he takes pictures of his poop. Again, I don’t want to tell The Ideas Man how to pick up chicks. He’s obviously figured something out over the years (pay them). But from my experience, poop stories don’t tend to impress the ladies.
I’m ten minutes in. I think that I’ve hit my limit. Let’s check out the comments.
- “This isn’t a review, this is just a summary of the plot. Newt went to the James Rolfe school of movie reviewing”
Newt replies, “No. We saw it in the theater and the manager refused to turn the sound off and subtitles on. Plus it was after 6pm. But ill keep trying.”
Zing! Take that James Rolfe! That’s for…what exactly is James’ role in Newt getting hired or fired? None, I guess. Newt was hired by Screenwave. James is a client of Screenwave. So…James might have recommended that Newt get fired but…did James even need to give a recommendation? Newt should have been fired anyway. For wholesale plagiarism.
Newt clearly has some kind of a beef with James. But why? It’s Justin Silverman who fired Newt. So if Newt should be upset with anyone, it should be with Justin. But he’s not. Newt doesn’t have any problems with Justin. Newt had a romantic evening in a hotel suite with Justin a few months ago. Newt wants to be friends with Justin again. Maybe friends with benefits.
I don’t get it. There must be more to this story.
James’ sloth lead to Newt being assigned to write some of the movie reviews. James is a lazy guy. We all know this. But is that a reason to hate somebody?
He’s also mentally challenged. Newt has mentioned this before. He’s mentioned this WHILE WORKING at Screenwave. There was a Hack the Movies episode where to briefly talked about what an idiot James is, and Tony then cut him off.
But…are you going to hate somebody because they’re lazy? Or because they’re mentally challenged?
We’ve all had lazy co-workers. And it sometimes causes you to have to do extra work. I can see being resentful over that. Also the fact that James is taking credit for all of Newt’s work. James takes credit for everybody’s work. That’s a giant asshole move.
Yeah, when you think it through I can understand Newt’s contempt for James Rolfe. Still…Newt did the plagiarising. And it was Justin who fired him. And Newt was working for Ryan Schott, not James Rolfe. James Rolfe was just the shitty client.
So this original poster comes back:
- “Well there’s this great new book on movie making released last week you can do a practise review on”
Newt replies, “oh it finally came out. Makes sense black friday and all. Gotta drain every last buck they can outta the dude.”
So here he’s expressing anger at Screenwave, which makes a lot more sense to me. Screenwave, apparently, gave him too much work to do. Screenwave fired him. It’s the people at Screenwave who want nothing to do with him.
Plagiarising for some shitty Youtube videos isn’t a huge deal. Maybe he shouldn’t have been fired for it. Maybe.
But Newt doesn’t say, “Well, who gives a shit? It’s a shitty Youtube video.” I could sort of understand that. But no. Newt actively defends the plagiarism as an example of him working smarter, not harder. He thinks that he’s some kind of a great worker and great writer by plagiarism.
This is where we stray into mental illness territory. No. You weren’t plagiarising because you’re a great worker. You were plagiarising because you’re lazy as fuck. Just like James Rolfe. How many years do you suppose Newt spent in special education?
There’s not a single talented person over there. Tony, Kieran, Justin, James, Newt. They all put a lot of time and effort into this shit projects, I’m not denying that, but the end the results are always complete dogshit. So why continue to do it? Why spend so much time and effort on things that you’re objectively bad at?
Instead of making awful Youtube videos, you could find something that you’re actually good at. Maybe you’d be a good plumber. Wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to work as a plumber eight hours a day, doing a job that you enjoy, a job that you’re good at?
And it’s not like it would be a step down in terms of salary. You’d get paid MORE as a plumber than with these shit Youtube videos or with Screenwave. And you don’t have to debase yourself on a regular basis with these humiliating videos that the whole world can see.
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My Fabulous Four Weeks in Dublin
I arrived in Dublin, having taken a plane from the US, and got in a taxi. I had one suitcase worth of belongings because I knew I’d be moving a lot and I was trying to pack as light as possible.
I went to a hostel and I remember it being €6/night. But thinking back now, could it really have been that cheap? It was the cheapest place that I could find, I remember that much, but €6/night? Well, maybe. It was a total dump.
It was a bunch of guys in a room and the room had a bunch of bunkbeds. I think that there were communal showers but there was some problem with them. No hot water, probably. The place was shit.
I don’t actually remember much about it. I was only there briefly, maybe two or three days, and then I said, “I have to spend a little more to get a better place.” So I went to a different hostel. It was also shit. Then I went to another one. The one I decided to stay at for the majority of my stay was maybe €10/night. I don’t remember. I only had like €2000 with me so I had to budget accordingly.
I really liked Dublin, though. I’d go for walks and just think, “I can’t believe that I’m here.” And I forgot about that student loan instantly. When I was in the US, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Once I left, all of those worries went away.
So I was looking for work. I would go to a big Subway that had an internet cafe in it. Actually, maybe it was a big internet cafe that had a Subway in it. You’d pay 50 cents for one hour of internet. So I’d go to the job sites, send my resume out, and that was that.
I got loads of interviews. Almost every day, I’d go on an interview. I didn’t like taking the bus because I never knew what stop to get off on. You can ask the driver when you get on and he’ll announce the stop when he gets to it but I didn’t like doing that. So I just walked everywhere. Plus, I was trying to spend as little money as possible.
So I’d walk sometimes hours to these job interviews. And there was no Google Maps in those days. I just had a physical map of Dublin that I used. It wasn’t like a huge fold-out map. It came in a book form. But still, it seems crazy to me that I was able to use it. And a lot of the names of the streets weren’t indicated anywhere. There weren’t any street signs. So it’s difficult but I don’t ever remember getting too lost.
I had an interview at a place looking for a security guard. Great. I have previous experience doing that. No. I’m too quiet and won’t fit in. This was a common complaint. Basically everywhere I went would give me that same exact feedback. Verbatim. It’s shocking that they would even say this. I guess that being quiet isn’t a protected status but still. It’s preposterous. Are you looking for a friend or are you looking for somebody to do the fucking job?
I never experienced this in the US. Not once. And I was just as withdrawn. It was never a problem. It was never a problem getting the job and it was never a problem with “fitting in”. I suspect that the difference is cultural. American employers are looking for people who can do the job. It’s a crazy idea but that’s how it is. But in Ireland (and in England, as I would come to learn) they’re looking for somebody who’s fun to have around the workplace. Somebody who will go drinking with them after work.
I had another interview for a job where you set up for business events. Well, I did this sort of work before too. I set up for parties at a casino. You set up tables and chairs and whatnot.
So I get there, after walking for two hours, using this atlas to guide me, and the guy asks me why I should get the job. I say, “Well, I basically did the same job before.” He interrupts. Really pissed off. “No. You were setting up for parties. This is for business events.”
Oh. Are the chairs different? Are the tables different? What exactly is the issue?
The guy was just an asshole. He was like 30 years old and doing this shit job. Twenty years later, he’s probably still doing that job. So he was precious about it.
I decided that maybe I should look for a place to live and then find a job. Because I hated living in this hostel.
So I responded to an ad. They were looking for a housemate. There were like six people living in some shitty apartment. But it was cheap. I was looking at the cheapest possible places.
I get there, after walking however many hours, at night. It’s on the outskirts of the city. And the guy meets me outside of the property. He was an Irish guy. That’s perhaps unusual. In my experience, at least from London, it’s always foreigners living in these dumps.
He was a friendly guy, around my age, and he says, “So what are you doing for work?” I explain that I just recently moved here and I’m looking for work. Oh. He calls over some woman who lives there. Introduces me to her and says, “He’s looking for work.” Her face drops. No. You need a job.
They didn’t even show me the property. There was no point. So there goes that idea.
I suppose that I could have lied when presented with this situation in the future. But I thought, “No. How long can it possibly take to find a job? I’m just having bad luck.”
So I went back to the hostel. I stayed there a lot because I didn’t have a job or any money. And people were there traveling. There was an American couple who got pissed off because I spent so much time in the room. They wanted to have sex in this fucking eight-person-per-room hostel.
So I mentioned the problem to reception and they put me into a room with a bunch of guys who were basically living in the hostel. They were all looking for work. So same thing as I was doing.
There was a fat English guy, an Italian guy, a Lithuanian guy, a couple of Polish guys, and a couple of other Americans. The English guy might have been starting a job recently. I’m not sure. And the Polish guys and maybe the Lithuanian guys were selling newspapers on the streets for like €30/day.
So one day, one of the Polish guys asks if I want to sell the newspapers. I say sure. He gives me a phone number. His boss is a gypsy. I call the number and I hear a bunch of dogs barking in the background. But the guy says, yeah, just come tomorrow and you can start selling the newspapers.
I don’t remember what happened. I couldn’t find the place or something.
I wonder what those newspapers were. I don’t think that it was a homeless thing. There’s a newspaper that homeless people sell in the UK and Ireland but I don’t think that it was that. I think that it was selling mainstream newspapers to people in their cars. That’s what I remember being told by these Polish guys.
The next day, this Italian guy asks me how the newspaper vending went. I told him that I couldn’t find the place. So he goes off on a rant about how all I’m doing is sitting in the room all day. I should be out looking for work, et cetera. I was doing this. Every day, I would send more resumes out. Every day, I would go to an interview. There’s not a whole lot more that I can do.
I also went door to door handing out physical resumes. But the time for doing that was long gone. It had been YEARS since anybody did that. Everything was done online now. I’d give my resume and the person would just look confused. I didn’t get a single response from any of these physical resumes that I was handing out.
So I just said fuck it. I’m sick of this.
Next day, I went to the internet cafe and booked a one-way flight to London. Somebody in the hostel asked what I was doing the following day and I said that I’m going to London. The Italian guy overheard this and looked surprised. Probably felt bad about what he said.
He was the catalyst for me moving but I was sick of everything. The shit hostel, walking everywhere, not being able to find a job, not being able to find an apartment. Nothing was going well.
I’ll give the name of this hostel, since it’s no longer operating as a hostel. Four Courts Hostel. From what I can piece together, it become a homeless shelter some time in 2020. The reviews of this place from at least 2019 to 2020 often mention people living in the property so this would seem to check out. They were presumably housing homeless people as a side gig and then decided to go all in.
You can’t book a room in this hostel any more, so, again, it seems like it became a homeless shelter. It’s also listed on Google’s little summary as a “homeless shelter.”
I didn’t really have any problems with the place, though. Some of the staff were assholes but I didn’t see anything too shady there.
I suppose that it’s a fine line between backpacker hostel and homeless shelter. As I said, even twenty years ago, people were basically living there. At €10/day, that’s like €300/month. You could definitely get a room in a shared apartment for less than that, maybe €200/month was the low end, but it’s difficult to get a place when you don’t have a job.
With covid, I have to assume that a lot of hotels and hostels became homeless shelters. People weren’t travelling.
Isaac’s Hostel was the first place I stayed in. That’s a place that I would expect to be a homeless shelter now. Total dump.
Oh, it is a homeless shelter. I’m not able to book a room but there are recent Google reviews, unlike with Four Courts. Maybe these are homeless people reviewing the place.
Their website still lists the room prices, though. It’s €13/night now.
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei play Gauntlet Legends on N64!
0:15 – “I’ve played — the Gauntlet games I’ve played the most, I’ve played the NES game a lot. And…uhhhh…the Gamecube one a decent amount. It’s been a while.”
Starting the stream off with lies. Way to go, Erin.
Just say that you’ve only played these games briefly, on stream, for money. Nobody gives a shit.
1:00 – Mike starts talking about his experience with the game. He played it in college. Erin says, “I’ve never beaten a Gauntlet game.”
You don’t say.
3:30 – Erin picks the sexy lady archer character. Because Erin is a girl!
Mike picks the wizard, an old man.
Why the strict gender rules? Game developers started including female characters as an option to try to attract a female demographic. I guess.
But then you’d have games that only had female characters. Like Tomb Raider. Were there any guys who refused to play the game because they didn’t want to play as a woman? I don’t think so.
When I play a game, I don’t try to find the character who looks the most like me. I don’t get pissed off if there’s no big, roided up, muscly guy. I just pick whatever. Or I look at the fucking stats. I pick the character with the best stats.
But Erin will 100% of the time pick the female character. If there’s more than one female character, she’ll pick the “cutest” one. It does not portray a positive image of female “gamers”. It just exacerbates stereotypes of the airhead, fake gamer grrl trope. It’s true in Erin’s case, of course, but other women should be telling Erin to shut the channel down. She’s doing harm to women who actually enjoy playing video games.
I could swear that they’ve played this before. This was the stream where Erin said that she got first place in Fornite or something on her second attempt. Let me check the archives.
It was Gauntlet Dark Legacy for the GameCube. This is the game she was referring to at the start of the stream when she said she played it briefly. It was on stream, for money. Of course.
Oh yeah. I was right. Here’s the quote:
“She claimed to have played Fortnite for the first time recently and got first place. Uh huh. And then she played a team round with Mike and they got first place again.”
She edited this out of the version that she uploaded to Youtube. She edited LOADS of shit out. She was doing that as far back as January 2020.
6:30 – Mike makes a Wayne’s World reference. Erin has no fucking idea what he’s talking about. Even after he says that it’s a Wayne’s World reference. She never saw the movie, of course. Never even heard of it.
So she just said, “I like the sound.”
TOTAL. FUCKING. MORON.
Erin is HORRIBLE at the game, by the way. She doesn’t seem to understand that she’s shooting projectiles. So she goes right up to every enemy like she’s meleeing them.
7:45 – “Oh. I have fire breath. Oh. I forget how to deactivate it.”
Erin “always” “forgets” how to deactivate fire breath.
SHE HAS CLEARLY NEVER PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE! SHE EVEN BASICALLY SAID THIS AT THE START OF THE STREAM? YOU CAN’T “FORGET” SOMETHING THAT YOU NEVER KNEW, YOU FUCKING CRETIN.
14:00 – Erin…oh fuck. I don’t even want to explain. She said something about liking this game better than the GameCube game. BUT SHE HASN’T PLAYED EITHER OF THEM EXCEPT FOR BRIEFLY, ON STREAM, FOR MONEY. SO HER OPINION MEANS NOTHING.
15:00 – A horntard asks if they can continue a discussion about Big Bird’s penis. This must have been something that they were talking about in one of Mike’s streams.
Mike: I don’t know. Only if Erin has something to contribute to it. We were saying, “Does it look like his legs?”
Erin: I was just going to say, “It probably looks like his legs.”
Oh, sure you were, Erin. It was on the tip of your tongue, was it? For the first time in your life you were going to make a witty comment? What a tragedy that Mike stepped on the first joke of your life.
I suspect that what Erin was ACTUALLY going to say was something along the lines of, “Yeah” or “I don’t know” or “I like the sound.”
I’m 20 minutes in and Erin still doesn’t seem to realise that she has projectiles. She’s just meleeing everything. And obviously taking unnecessary damage
20:30 – Erin starts talking about her new emotes. “There’s a new little Death. Isn’t he cute?”
Ummm….do I want to watch any more of this? I’ll give it another five minutes.
21:00 – “Oh my god. It’s a giant tree?”
Sure. Sure it is, Erin. Giant trees are a common enemy in these sorts of games. You had the Dendroids in Heroes of Might & Magic. You had the Treeman in Blood Bowl. It’s presumably a rip off of a Dungeons & Dragons character. You’ve never seen these types of enemies before? What’s your favourite giant tree enemy, Erin? Do a video on your
TopTen Giant Tree Enemies in Games.22:00 –
Mike: Are you like a warrior?
Erin: I’m an archer.
Mike: You should, like, keep your distance.
Oh, you finally noticed, Mike? You finally noticed how fucking terrible she is at this game? How completely clueless she is on the basic fucking fundamentals of video games? What took you so long? I’ve been detailing this shit for fucking three or four years now. I noticed in the FIRST VIDEO that I saw of hers. You’re just coming around now?
Then Erin says, “You should mind your own goddamned business.”
Mike stated the fucking obvious. You have a ranged weapon. Maybe stay back and USE the ranged weapon. That’s how Gauntlet works. Erin said that she played the NES game “a lot”. How does she not know that Gauntlet is fundamentally a PROJECTILE game?
Because she never played it before except briefly, on stream, for money. Poorly. And she doesn’t even know the basic concept of games of this type (i.e. use your fucking projectiles).
24:00 – So that’s level 2 completed. Barely. I think that we can stop here. We’ve covered the essential Erin Plays points. She’s a fraud. She’s a liar. She doesn’t play video games. She doesn’t know anything about video games. She’s terrible at video games. What more can be said?
- “There was a 4-player Gauntlet at my local Golden Skateworld, which was right next to my daycare center, so they took us there all of the time in the 80s. New arcade games were always showing up there. Other games I can remember playing there are Double Dragon I & II, Two Tigers, Blasteroids, TMNT, Dark Adventure, Crystal Castles, Rush’n Attack, Gauntlet, NARC, P.O.W., & Genesis pinball.”
You know what Erin says? “That’s awesome!”
Great contribution, Erin. You’re just so full of charisma and video game knowledge.
Here’s my Gauntlet experience. I had the PC game. It was one of the first games that I got. My father just ordered it. I don’t know from where. And then one day, it came in the mail. Just in a little cardboard sleeve. A 3.5″ disc. No manual. There might have also been a slip of paper with some user notes on it. Maybe the controls or something. And that’s it.
It was the legitimate game. It had a professional label on it. But it was just in this fucking cardboard sleeve.
So I played it and it was slow as fuck. But this was how computer games were back in the day. This was probably like 1988. Something like this. Every game was slow. Anything that required scrolling was particularly bad.
This is why Sierra adventure games and strategy games were popular. No scrolling. The games could be played at a normal speed. So that’s probably why I became interested in those two genres. Those were the only types of games that worked properly on old computers.
Still, I did play PC Gauntlet a fair bit. I didn’t beat it, of course. I don’t think it’s even possible to beat the game. It just goes on forever.
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WTF Wednesday Review: ThanksKilling – Newt Wallen
Newt is doing a “collab” with Dollar Tree Kevin Smith. He met this guy when his “life was falling apart” last year. You mean when you were fired for plagiarism? Is that it?
Why doesn’t he just accept responsibility for this? Yeah, of course there are other people who are to blame. Maybe he was given too much work. Clearly, James should have been writing all of these reviews himself. But the fact remains that Newt plagiarised this script. Wholesale. And he takes no responsibility for this. Indeed, he says that it was a GOOD thing that he plagiarised. He was working smarter, not harder.
6:00 – “This movie starts with tits.”
Eugh. This is why views are down for Newt. It’s the same old bullshit in every video. We get it. Tits and gore. This doesn’t interest me. Or very many people, it would seem. Change the record. You have to keep things fresh. You can’t do a 16 part review of an Erin Plays video. People get tired of it. I have to finish that video, by the way.
9:00 – They’re arguing about who has the worst hairline between them. Nobody gives a fuck. This is gay. What are they doing? “Oh, no. Your hair is fabulous Newt. I wish I had that much hair. I bleached all of my hair and it fell out.”
What the fuck? Get to the movie, you bumboys.
Oh. This is the guy who interviewed Newt nine months ago. I talked about that here:
We were promised more to this interview but we never got it.
Oh wait. There is another video on his channel. It’s allegedly part two of this interview but it takes place in a parking lot…oh fuck . I’ll have to watch this at some point. Two fucking hours. From a quick skim, I’m not seeing anything worth discussing, though.
And this guy was a professional skateboarder? What happened? He’s like 300 pounds. Just completely let himself go.
Too much food. That’s the problem.
McDonalds used to have lobster sandwiches in New England. I don’t know if they still do and I don’t know if they existed as far south as New Jersey. But definitely in New England, you could get lobster sandwiches in McDonalds. Just some crazy regional thing. The McLobster. I never indulged. I don’t eat seafood.
I had the McRib as a kid. Of course, that’s become a joke now. It was fine, though. Just highly-processed pork shaped into…ribs, I guess.
I remember when the Chicken McNuggets were a new thing. These were all the rage among my classmates. I had them a few times as a kid but I was never into chicken, and especially not the Frankenstein chicken slurry that comprises a Chicken McNugget.
Every day at my school, they would serve a different meal at my school. This is probably common but I don’t know how things are done in other schools and in different eras. Chicken nugget day was by far the most popular day for the school cafeteria. But I think that I only got that shit once. You didn’t get any sauce, of course. And these aren’t the nuggets that you get at McDonalds. These are just frozen chicken nuggets that they’re heating in an industrial oven or something. And you’re eating them dry. I was not impressed.
But the kids loved them and they always called them “Chicken McNuggets.” Such was the ubiquity of the McDonalds product that kids didn’t even know that the food was called “chicken nuggets”.
I haven’t had McDonalds in probably seven or eight years. Maybe longer than that. The food isn’t very good and the ambiance is terrible. There’s always a bunch of scumbags in there. Who needs it? You pay an extra £2 and you can get a decent meal in an independent restaurant and dine in comfort.
So where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. Newt Wallen. I’m not going to listen to this shit any more. I don’t care about his tits and gore obsession.
Let’s check out his Twitter.
Oh, Newt’s feeling sorry for himself again. And the ladyboys all says, “Oh, we love you, Newt. Glad you didn’t kill yourself.”
And if you think I’m joking about the ladyboys, no. Just look.
Top reply is from Del.
It’s a ladyboy. Says that he’s glad that Newt is still alive and inspiring people.
Why does Newt attract so many ladyboys? He needs to ask himself that question.
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Retro Ali Only Streams as an Animated Anime Girl Now
I believe that the above video is the last time that Retro Ali streamed as a human being. This was seven months ago.
Here’s how she’s been streaming ever since:
What the fuck? She’s gained weight. That’s why she streams as an anime character now. But it’s ridiculous.
There’s basically two sensible options here:
- Lose weight
- Stream as you are
She doesn’t even look that overweight in that last live video. Not in the tiny Twitch window, anyway.
This is also why she stopped making Youtube videos. She became self-conscious because she gained weight. The horntards weren’t interested in seeing a chubby woman make the “O” face over mundane video game commercials any more.
Anime girl is not the answer to weight gain.
Let me look this up. I know that this phenomenon exists but…are people actually watching this? They’re not watching Retro Ali’s videos. That’s for sure. Her videos get about 15 views on average.
Ironmouse. I guess she’s popular. I watched about ten seconds of a stream before I had to turn it off. I can’t find out what the woman actually looks like, though. Can’t be a looker.
Who the fuck would watch somebody with an anime avatar playing a video game? Just turn the avatar off. I can understand that. Just show the fucking gameplay. And talk over it. But why an anime avatar?
Let’s check out her Twitter. It’s just going to be all video game shit.
There’s her schedule. She plays Pokemon every day except Tuesday at 7.00. If you lose some weight, you might be able to get a boyfriend, Ali. Actually, even without the weight loss you can get a boyfriend. I used to see countless fat chicks on Tinder with a laundry list of what they’re looking for in a man. You need to be over 6’2″, you need to make at least £100,000/year, you need to bench press your body weight.
What? To date a fat chick? Fuck off. But these women were getting inundated with responses. That’s why they had to implement these minimum requirements. I hate to think how many matches an actual hot chick must be getting. Every time she opens it up, she must have a thousand new matches.
Here’s Ali doing a “vtuber collab”. Just go on a fucking diet, Ali. This is embarassing.
And yeah, it’s just constant fucking Pokemon shit on her Twitter. She’s talking about her boring as fuck streams. Not a single mention of anything even remotely personal.
It’s boring. She’s a boring person.
Let’s check out Horseface, I guess.
Oh, she created a Hive accounted. Erin also did that recently. They’re never going to use this shit. They’re just paranoid about losing their microscopic fanbases. But we know where to find these people anyway. At least Erin. She’s on fucking Youtube. She’s on Twitch. And you can find Horseface in every third episode of Hack the Movies. And Fansly. And Instagram.
Here’s Horseface making a face that anime nerds like for “Thirsty Thursday.” Wait…I’m supposed to be sexually excited by this? Let me check.
No. Totally flacid.
But for whatever bizarre reason, the anime nerds do ask women to make this face where they cross their eyes and stick their tongues out. I think it’s a face that girls in anime make fairly often. So…they get off to this. I guess.
Are they getting off to Horseface, though? It’s baffling.
Oh my god. Kris Glavin is back. He says, “God you are so adorable and cute hunny happy Monday gorgeous hope you have a great week ahead.”
Well, that’s a relief. In one respect, anyway. I mean, I’m glad that he’s alive but it’s depressing that he’s still wasting his life on these homely internet sluts.
Oh, and then he says, “Smokeshow stunningly beautiful young lady”
Fantastic.