WTF Wednesday Review: Big Trouble in little China – Newt Wallen

0:00 – “It’s Melissa. She’s on camera.”

I…think that this is somebody who Newt used to do videos with at some movie theatre. She would film the creep show videos with Newt and PVC Bondage Girl. She was also at some convention with Newt and she was dressed as…some kind of masked prostitute. I don’t remember.

But here she’s dressed normally. From what I can tell. She’s barely in frame. She obviously doesn’t want to appear on camera.

“She promised that if we got to 10,000 subscribers, she’d appear on camera.”

Newt, nobody gives a fuck about your subscriber numbers.

Then Newt complains that the original plan was to have PVC Bondage Girl also appear in this video.

2:30 – Shout out to Bolo Yeung.

I’ve never seen this movie, by the way. I have no interest. But I saw Enter the Dragon many times. Also Kickboxer.

Anyway, years ago, I remember seeing a video of Bolo Yeung’s son. He was in some body building competition. Totally roided out. And somebody in the comments, apparently seriously, said, “Is he natural?”

I think that this was the video:

4:30 – Newt tells a creepy sex story. And, as anyone with a brain could have predicted, this woman is not digging it. At all.

5:00 – Then Newt tells a story about how Justin Silverman’s father owned a gay bar. And Newt was dating Justin Silverman’s sister. I don’t like saying this, especially since I don’t even know my memory is correct, but I think that I heard that his sister was a prostitute. But…this would fit with Newt’s lifestyle.

10:15 – Newt is drinking a beverage right from the large bottle. One of the benefits of living alone. Not something you want to advertise, though.

Newt keeps talking about how awesome Asian people are and white people suck.

Well…I mean…all the white people who Newt seems to know do suck. So I can understand where he’s coming from. But…maybe find some people white people who aren’t scumbags. They’re out there. There are plenty of them.

And not all Asian people are great. They’re all not all kung fu masters either. Plenty of scumbag Asians.

I read an article that said that Chinese people were the most dishonest people on earth. They did a scientific study. They made people from various countries flip a coin and then report how many times they got “heads”. And the more times that they got “heads” the more money they would get. Something like that.

The results were all self-reported. Nobody checked that they actually were getting heads or tails and how often. But obviously, the average percent of “heads” should be 50%.

Chinese people reported the highest percentage of “heads”, suggesting either that Chinese people are really lucky, or they’re liars.

I sent this article to some Chinese woman I was talking to. She said, “What’s the margin of error?” She completely discounted the accuracy of this study.

But it’s true. Chinese people have some real fucking problems. They’re rude. They don’t wait their turn in lines. Their table manner are non-existent. And they think that China is the best in all facets of human achievement.

I’m not saying that China is wholly without merit. They’ve done some good stuff. Paper, for example. We all like paper. Lao-Tzu had a lot of good stuff to say. I read loads of books on Taoism as a young man. And sweet and sour chicken balls.

But the best country in the world? Fuck no. Not even close. They’re not in the top 20. In terms of where I would want to live, not in the top 100.

12:00 – Newt starts complaining that this woman isn’t talking enough. It’s a sure fire way to ensure that she never appears again.

12:45 – Newt starts talking about how hot she is.

14:30 – Newt is outraged about the outrage over The Little Mermaid being black in the latest Disney movie. “Mermaids aren’t real. They can be anything.”

Yes, but we’re talking about a specific mermaid. Arial. She’s white. She’s a Caucasian mermaid.

Just another example of Newt hating on white people. It’s adolescent white suburban kid behaviour. You think that white people aren’t cool. You want to hang out with the homeys. The vatos.

I hung out with Mexican kids when I was in like the 9th and 10th grade. No Mexican person has ever given me any problem in my life. And who doesn’t like the big titties that so many Mexican women have? You know what I’m saying, Newt? I get it.

But still…you shouldn’t shit on your own race. You can like Hispanic people and black people and Asian people and whatever but also like white people. Just an idea.

15:15 – Newt says that he was drinking and smoking with this woman before the movie. Smoking those jazz cigarettes.

Didn’t Newt say not long ago that he hasn’t done any drugs? Now he’s smoking la cucaracha and doing edibles and whatever. What’s going on? All part of his descent, I guess.

Anyway, I’m not watching this any more.

1 thought on “WTF Wednesday Review: Big Trouble in little China – Newt Wallen

  1. ” And Newt was dating Justin Silverman’s sister. I don’t like saying this, especially since I don’t even know my memory is correct, but I think that I heard that his sister was a prostitute. But…this would fit with Newt’s lifestyle.”

    Your memory is correct, but Justin actually has two sisters. You’re thinking of the youngest one, who is literally a prostitute and drug/heroin addict. The one Newt dated is only a figurative prostitute consequent to bipolar disorder, for example, she claims to be a nurse but barely made it through high school – this is typical bipolar grandiosity behavior, and I’m not sure why the two aren’t still being bipolar-grandiose together.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *