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A Conversation with James Rolfe – Scott the Woz
2:30 – Scott was waffling on and on and on and then it cuts to the Rolfe Man who says “oh yeah, yeah, yeah.”
We’re off to a great start, gentlemen.
I’m reading the comments and people are complaing that Scott is talking to much. I…think I’m inclined to agree.
A lot of gay “meme” comments from the fags on Reddit too. They have to ruin everything. We get it, guys. You’re fucking gay. It’s fine. You do your thing. You don’t have to pollute the entire internet with your degeneracy.
When James does get a chance to speak, the audio is fucking terrible. I can’t even hear it over my own typing.
5:45 – James is doing his autistic thing where he counts how many videos he did per year and debates what the criteria is. NOBODY CARES!
10:00 – Scott asked the longest question possible about Screenwave and then James starts talking about how the labour is divided. James says, “First, I write the script.” Uh huh. Sure you do, Jimmy. Stop the fucking lies. Newt Wallen wouldn’t be where he is today if you wrote the scripts.
11:30 – I don’t know when this interview took place, it was uploaded three weeks ago, but James makes the second reference to Kieran in this video. Kieran is editing the videos. And James makes it very clear that he (James) is in charge and he just distributes the bitch work to Kieran and whoever else. It’s bullshit. James does NOTHING. He reads a script that somebody else wrote, the gameplay footage is all from Mike, and Kieran (or, now, that faggot from Movie Dumpster) edits this shit together. That’s the “creative process” over at Cinemassacre LLC.
I have to stop the video at 12:45. This is just fucking boring.
- “I can’t wait to see what Reddit does with this video.”
Jack off to it. What do you think?
Some guy on that gay sub-reddit made a drawing of James Rolfe in his underpants today. Another guy took a picture of Mike and drew a box around where he thinks his penis extends to. There was another post today that was a poll asking if you prefer Mike’s penis or John’s testicles.
So when I say, “What is this? Are you a bunch of faggots?” No. We’re just here for the “memes”.
Guys…it’s okay to admit that you’re gay. I have absolutely no problem with that. But admit what this is. It’s a homosexual harassment board. It’s a place for catty gay men to go and vent their frustration at the world. You can talk about how hot Bootsy is, you can talk about Mike’s penis, you can make Photoshopped pictures of the Screenwave guys as women. This is what the place is for. I know, you know, we all know it, just admit it. Why can’t you admit it? It’s not about exposing the “truth” of Cinemassacre. It’s about indulging in your homosexual fantasies about James Rolfe and his hangers on.
How many fucking “cuck” messages are posted there a day? Guys…we get it. You like the idea of black men with big dicks having sex with somebody’s wife. And you. In the ass. That’s what you’re into. No judgement from me. But just admit it. Don’t hide behind “memes”.
It’s like going to a gay porn site and saying, “Hey, I’m only here for the memes, guys.” Fuck off. You’re here to jerk off to homosexual erotica, the same as everyone else here. Just admit you fucking piece of shit. Don’t try to elevate the medium or yourself. You’re a horny homosexual man. And that’s alright. It’s only the dishonesty that I disapprove of.
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Lets talk about NIGHT SWIM – Newt Wallen
0:15 – “I didn’t know anything about this movie until a couple of months ago when people started messaging me and they were like, ‘Wait, Newt, this is a lot like a script that you wrote.’”
Uh huh. Im sure he was inundated with such messages.
Who are these people who are familiar with Newt’s scripts? I’ve never seen a single Newt script. He doesn’t publish them. I mean, that’s sensible, there are a lot of plagiarists out there, but he’s written THOUSANDS of scripts. Apparently. Give us one, Newt. And not that fucking Koni Waves bullshit.
0:30 – “This video is not me saying anybody ripped me off or any fucking shit like that so don’t start that crap.”
He spends the rest of the video talking about how they ripped off his idea.
0:45 – He reveals that he was working with a guy in Portland for some shit tits and gore script that would become Satan’s Slumber Party. The movie never got made, of course. But he’s going to explain how they stole his idea for this Night Swim.
2:45 – Joe from Movie Dumpster “cut” a trailer for this Satan’s Slumber Party. There were other people involved in…something. Military guys. I don’t know. I just have this bullshit on as background. It’s not worth listening to.
Oh, “Fallon and the redhead who I used to work with” get shout outs. Newt, just fuck off. Can you do that? I am so fucking sick of hearing about Horseface. And the way he refuses to say her name is infuriating. He presumably does this because Horseface told him to stop saying her name. But the constant references to her doesn’t follow the spirit of what Horseface is looking for.
Why not just call her Horseface? You wouldn’t be using her name that way.
3:15 – So after that Satan’s Slumber Party thing didn’t go anywhere, the guy who he was working with said that they should do something more low-budget, one location, and the women would need a reason to be in “bathing suits.” Newt actually said “bathing suits”. I don’t know, it just seems really old fashioned to me. Instead of saying “bikinis”. Or “swimsuits”. I think “swimsuits” is better than “bathing suits”. Because you’re not “bathing”. This isn’t the 1920s with those fucking sailor suits that they would wear.
4:00 – So Newt went to the Dollar Store, saw that they were having a sale on pool toys, bought a bunch of them, and then shit out a script called “Floaters”.
It’s some James Rolfe level bullshit about pool toys coming alive and killing people.
5:00 – Horseface was in this “movie” as was some other skank who Newt knew, who he descibes as a “real life Barbie.”
5:45 – After shooting the opening scene, the changed the title to The Amityville Pool Toy Massacre.
By the way, none of this shit ever gets done. He seems to film random scenes but never finishes anything.
6:00 – “I’m not saying that they ripped me off.”
Well, what are you saying then? Because to me, it sounds like you were saying that somebody ripped you off. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely following the story.
11:15 – I have to turn this off. There’s only a minute left but he keeps going on about how this SHIT idea and this SHIT script that he SHIT out in a couple of days was stolen from him. Somehow. I don’t know. Because it’s a movie about pool toys that come to life and that was his idea. He wants credit for this.
This is every fucking James Rolfe “movie”. An inanimate object comes to life and chases people. Literal RETARDS come up with this stuff. It’s not clever, Newt.
Here’s my idea for a movie: an umbrella comes to life and chases people and hot chicks get killed. And they’re out in the rain getting soaked while all of this is happening and they’re wearing white t-shirts so you see their tits.
I wouldn’t waste one fucking second of my life writing a script to that ridiculously juvenile, unfunny, uncreative, stupid bullshit. But Newt does this. And then he wants credit for it. “Hey, I wrote a piece of shit script about pool toys that come to life. Why aren’t I raking in the cash?”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_Swim_(film)
By Newt’s own admission, he wrote this script in 2018.
According to Wikipedia, Night Swim is based on a 2014 short film also called Night Swim.
Gee, Ideas Man. Where do you get your ideas?
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Are You A Gamer Or Are You A Collector? – Zap Cristal
Oh my god. It’s the first episode of season two of the podcast. I’m pumped. What changes are we going to get this season? Is it going to be watchable? That would be a welcome change.
0:30 – Well, there’s a new set. Or their living room. There’s a yellow rotary phone in the foreground, some abstract art sculpture, and…a big olde tyme radio, I think.
This is going to make all the difference, I can just feel it.
By the way, 160 views after five days.
1:15 – “I’m excited for this episode because I know you’ve all been waiting for what we’re going to be discussing in this podcast.”
Umm…NOBODY has been waiting for ANYTHING that you have to say. 160 views after five days. Your channel has shriveled up and died since you left the original Mr Wright Way. Just admit it.
By the way, this is not an attractive angle for Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” Cristal. She’s wearing track suit bottoms like the lazy, low-class mother that she is. And she’s overweight. You can see her fat legs. And you can see her fat pussy. What’s that area called? There’s probably some stupid name for this…”gunt” or whatever. But I don’t want to see this, alright? I don’t want to see your crotch fat. Sit behind a desk or something.
You know what they haven’t changed? The LOUD music that plays throughout. This is innovative, I’ll give them that. But there’s a reason why no podcast has done this. It’s really, really, REALLY annoying.
But Mr Wright Way II wants to promote his god awful music so has to do it DURING the podcast. And not just like a segment at the end. He has to play the music THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH. At the expense of being able to understand what anyone is saying.
I’m missing this entire discussion about “gaming” versus “collecting”. I’m really fascinated by this topic that hasn’t been discussed a billion times already by a billlion people with more personality and intellect than these two dullards.
Here’s something that they changed for season two: the god awful “comedy” topic at the start of the podcast. Actually, they probably dropped that early into “season one”.
This music is particularly annoying because every few seconds you hear, “waa waa waa…waa waa waa.” FUCK OFF!
I can’t. I’m turning this off.
Five minutes. I made it five minutes into this big season premiere. And this is coming from somebody who has a professional obligation to watch these videos. How many SECONDS is a casual person going to make it into these videos?
Four comments. Four generic comments from people who, I suspect, didn’t even watch as much as I did. You CAN’T watch this shit.
How can they make this any more off-putting? You’ve got this annoying music, Zap’s crotch fat, boring topics that have been done to death, and two people who don’t have a single interesting thing to say about anything.
It’s offensive visually, aurally, and intellectually. What other senses can we offend with this? I’m still waiting for smell-o-vision. What happened to that? I want to be able to smell what I’m watching. Zap’s fat cunt, in this case.
I might have gone too far with that comment. It’s just a delusional woman who thinks that she’s a hot chick and she’s putting out god awful videos that nobody is watching. It’s mental illness. Perhaps I shouldn’t speculate on the odour of her genitals.
I remember in the summer bewteen 9th and 10th grade, a teacher warning the girls against using douche. It wasn’t part of a lesson or anything, it was just an offhand observation. And she kept going on about how the vagina is like a “self-cleaning oven”.
Umm…okay? Maybe she saved some girl from the perils of douche that day but…what a weird lesson to impart. It was a young teacher. She probably recently graduated.
She would flirt with the popular boys. There was another young female teacher who did the same thing. Flirt with the football players and whatnot. How weird is that? Somebody who’s in her mid-20s…coming on to 9th graders.
That would bad enough. But these women were so shallow, so concerned about their own popularity and their own ego, that they targetted the popular boys. Why not go after the misunderstood loner kids? You’d have a better chance with them. These kids might have more substance. No, I’ll stick with the captain of the football team. He’s so dreamy. I’ll be the most popular teacher in school.
It just makes you think less of them. How pathetic that was. These teachers are still stuck in that mentality that they want to be popular. They probably weren’t popular when they were in high school so they’re making up for lost time. “Hey, I have breasts now. Maybe I can finally snag that 9th grade football player.”
Anyway, douches.
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Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown is Amazing – Cannot be Tamed
Alright, let’s get this over with. She’s wearing her slightly sheer sweater again. Hello, desperation.
You know what I’ve noticed? Pam stopped doing her “comedy” streams where she would go through her Twitch streams and compile the best “jokes”. I think the last one was in November 2022. As here:
Here’s another one:
They were so fucking bad that even the horntards were starting to turn on her.
But it was at least something different, it gave an insight into her personality (or lack thereof), and it was a good to make fun of. Like The Cinemassacre Podcast and fucking zombie James Rolfe. Yeah, it was awful, but you were able to have fun with it.
Now what do we have instead? Pam showing a hint of a brassiere and talking about the latest Prince of Persia game. Who gives a shit?
Prince of Persia was dogshit. Terrible game. I’m talking about the original. The magazines were all like, “Oh, it’s so cinematic” but then you play it and the controls are fucking shit. The guy doesn’t stop moving. You tap the forward button and the guy takes a giant step and you can’t stop him until the animation is over. Fuck that shit.
Are the newer games any better? Well, they couldn’t be any worse but I never played any of the later games. I have no interest in Prince of Persia. Why make sequels of a game so awful?
0:30 – Pam was given this game for free by the developer. This is an ad.
Don’t these dumb fucking “Youtubers” get it? If you get the product for free, you’re not going to be impartial. Spend the fucking $30 and get the game yourself.
Okay, I’m stopping the video at 5:00. It’s fine. I guess. I’m not just not remotely interested in this.
Oh, there’s a hilarious comment.
- “I’ve never seen my mom play games before”
Pam replies, “It must be past your bedtime.”
So at least she didn’t delete it even though she recognised that it was an insult.
But no, Pam, if you had paid more attention to your personal life, you very well could have had an adult child by now.
I think back to all of the squandered opportunities that I’ve had. Women I didn’t want to go out with again and then a few years later, you see them with babies. And I’ve known my girlfriend for like 15 years. Things never got particularly serious.
As a guy, you can always say, “Well, I’ll just find some young hottie some day and have a child” but realistically, what are the odds? And do you want to have a child in your mid to late 40s anyway?
Well, who knows? Anything’s possible. Maybe me and PVC Bondage Guy can live together in some village in northern Europe. I think getting away from all of the negative bullshit would be good for her. Her parents and Newt and her job and all of the degeneracy of America in general.
Get her the appropriate medication and help that she needs with the free healthcare system. Just her and me communing with nature. Getting back in touch with what life is all about.
No bondage outfits. No furry shit. No “hook stuff”, which I don’t even want to know what it is. Just a couple of honest folk living a quiet existence in rural northern Europe. You’re telling me that wouldn’t be romantic? We’d be counting the kids in no time.
And all of that dumb bullshit about wrestling schools and Newt’s shitty movies and “transmasc” would quickly fade into insignificance. A hazy memory of a different time, in a different world, from a different life.
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Newts Got Issues: KONI WAVES – Newt Wallen
Alright, Ideas Man. Inspire me.
0:00 – Newt says that he just got back from the gym. Well, show us the guns, Newt. I wonder if Joe from Game Sack got a full nude of Newt flexing yet.
Newt says that he “ate it” meaning he fell on the ground due to ice. God, that seems dated. Not falling, that’s timeless, but the phrase “ate it” seems so 80s to me.
0:15 – He forgot his phone while going to work so had to come back to get it. Then on the way home, he forgot his wallet at work so had to go back to get it. He also forgot that he has a therapy appointment today.
Have I spoken of my aversion to wallets lately?
Well, it’s been three years but my views on wallets are the same. I use a money clip.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone use a money clip. It’s something that old men used to use, I guess. People don’t even know what it is. I go through the airport or whatever and security will ask if it’s a belt buckle. No. It’s a money clip. Never heard of it. They don’t even know the concept.
0:45 – Newt shows the package of Koni Waves comics that he found upon returning home. He says that he doesn’t live in a nice area so it’s fortunate that he found it before somebody stole the package.
That would have been one disappointed thief.
1:45 – Newt talks about shitting a script out in three days. This script that we’re supposed to be excited for and is apparently the basis for some indy comic that nobody has ever heard of.
3:00 – Newt shows the cover of the comic but mostly just zooms in on his name. It’s some stupid tits and gore shit, of course.
4:15 – “There’s some lines in there that were things that were going on at that time with me.”
There are Horseface references in this shitty script that he’s looking at. That’s what this thing is. It’s not a comic. It’s just this shitty script that he wrote years ago in three days. And he included Horseface references in it.
“My ex-girlfriend Crystal is a character in the book because I had written a part that was going to be for her.”
Eugh.
“She doesn’t talk to me any more and the book came out. Nothing you can do about that.”
Newt. We know that she doesn’t talk to you any more. She is never going to talk to you ever again. Rightly. Because you’re a piece of shit. Now get over it. Stop fucking talking about her.
He must have written this over ten years ago. Because Horseface was with that marine corps guy for like ten years, up until last year or whatever. And Horseface made it clear, right here on the blog, that she doesn’t cheat on her boyfriends.
Newt can not get over this relationship that ended over a decade ago. He still thinks, “Any day now, she’s going to come back. I just have to entice her with more shitty movies to the point where she’ll beg me to come back.”
It’s not happening, Newt. Horseface is not interested.
You know what I’ve learned over the years? Women hate desperation like poison. And nobody is more desperate than Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen.
You want to get Horseface back? Pretend you don’t give a shit. Don’t mention her ever again. Move on. Either genuinely or just fake it. You’ve got other skanks who you’re paying for. Focus on them. What’s so great about Horseface anyway?
Imagine if Newt moved on and got into a healthy relationship with a woman who he wasn’t paying for. He focused on his job. MAYBE continued wasting his time and money on some of these awful movie ideas. And never talked about Horseface again.
Maybe she’d come to regret not talking to Newt any more. She wouldn’t, of course, but this is Newt’s only chance. You can’t stalk somebody into liking you. It’s not like in the movies where some nerd guy obsesses over the head cheerleader and through a series of elaborate stunts finally manages to woo her. Relationships aren’t about breaking somebody’s will. The other person has to WANT to be with you.
8:30 – Newt says that the script is “100% plagiarism-free.”
Well, maybe. But even Newt says that he was told to make it like the X-Files. This is derivative. As with everything Newt does, it’s “(X property) plus (Y property)”. X-Files and Hawaii Five-0 in this case. Or something. I don’t remember what he said. Magnum PI. I never watched any of that shit. I was too young.
10:00 – Newt says that while he was writing this, the “Island where I was living” had to be evacuated due to a hurricane.
Where the fuck was he living? He was living on an island at some point? My understanding is that he lived in New Jersey, Nevada (or somewhere around there) and Pennsylvania. Oh, possibly Canada too for some scam film school. When was he living on an island?
11:15 – Newt is going to put this comic on his shelf next to Velvet Rope and Florida Man.
Yeah. Where the fuck is Florida Man? We want Florida Man. Horseface is in that one too. And, I think, Velvet Rope. Velvet Rope is some other shitty tits and gore comic that Newt had some involvement in. I don’t want to get into it.
12:00 – “I’m listed as a writer with a professional writer. Somebody who people know and respect.”
Really? Let me look this guy up.
Well, he fails the Wikipedia notability test.
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Mark-Poulton/author/B0036CKG3K?
“Mark is a writer/artist who has worked for DC Comics, Image Comics and Arcana Studio.”
Well, he’s done…something. I’m not sure if I’d go as far as to say that he’s known and respected.
12:00 – “Mark’s worked on Savage Hawkman for DC Comics.”
Ummm…yeah. You guys all know Savage Hawkman, right? Let me look this up.
Comic from 2011 to 2013. Cancelled after 21 issues.
I mean, getting 21 comics out is impressive, I guess, but has the character been seen again? We already have a Hawkman. How is the “savage” version any different?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawkman
Oh, it’s the same character as Hawkman. I guess. Just…more savage. It was some kind of reboot.
I confess to knowing nothing about Hawkman. I think he was in Super Friends but that’s the extent of my knowledge. Hawkman wasn’t popular in my youth.
13:00 – Somebody says that somebody reviewed the comic as “Kung fu cinema mixed with X-Files.”
Uh huh. We want new ideas, Newt. Not the combination of two existing properties.
I mean, yeah, that’s basically the creative process but Newt is blatant about it. Be a little more subtle.
According to the comments, Newt is trying to lose weight so that he can play hockey again. Uh huh. Maybe that should be his next hair-brained idea. Becoming the oldest National Hockey League draftee.
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Is Virus Jamie Lee Curtis’s Worst Movie? – Tony from Hack the Movies
So we’ve got Tony with another couple of skanks. This time it’s that conning Jesus nut Casey J Hempel and somebody new. This is Captain Boomies.
She has a website.
So I’m looking at the website. There are pictures of her on various boats. It seems that she’s somehow employed as a boat captain or…something. So I’m thinking, “Oh, great. Somebody with a job. How novel.”
As I’m exploring the site, I’m thinking, “There’s something not right here.” A lot of pictures of this middle-aged woman bending over. Or sticking her chest out.
She mentions a husband. She met him in college. Says that he’s really hot. Okay, well, that…good, I guess. What do I care?
She links to her Youtube channel.
https://www.youtube.com/@CaptainBoomies
The banner is her relaxing with a closeup of the bottom of her bare foot.
Oh. This is…we’re supposed to be jerking off to all of this, right? To this sun-damaged middle-aged woman with vaguely sexual pictures.
Her channel is dead, by the way. 3,400 subscribers. Average number of views is about 1,000. She’s been doing this for five years and her last video was eight months ago. There’s just not demand for sort of sexual content about boats.
https://captainboomies.com/linktree/
She has an Amazon wish list. Why? Why would anybody buy this woman anything? Get your own fucking paddleboard and hot sauce, you leech. You have a job. You have a husband. Do you have any dignity?
It’s some bizarre ambiguous porn site. It’s not overt but…there are a lot of slightly suggestive photos and she talks about her husband a lot in sort of sexual terms and she’s presenting herself as like a dominatrix of the sea who can teach you how to better operate your boat.
You can overlook a lot of these things on their own. But when you put them together, especially with that wish list, it’s clear that we’re supposed to be jerking off to this. WHY? And who’s doing this?
Who possibly has a fetish for ambiguously sexual pictures? Pictures that you’re not quite sure are supposed to be titilating or not.
She must think that this is a thing. “Buy me a $300 life jacket and maybe I’ll post another picture of me standing next to my husband who has a few buttons open on his shirt.”
This is not a thing. Nobody has this fetish. Look at the view numbers on her channel.
Her videos are also vaguely sexual. She makes sort of suggestive comments but not really. It’s completely fucking mental. Nobody is going to jerk off to this.
It’s not that I’m opposed to nautical erotica. Big Boob Boat Ride 2 is a classic. I was less impressed with the original, with the only saving grace being Bunny Bleu. But people want erotica. Porn. Adult entertainment. Not stuff that’s so softcore that you’re not even entirely sure what the intent is.
So let’s watch about five minutes of this video and then turn it off in disgust.
0:15 – They start by joking about nautical terms. Captain Boomies says “ahoy-hoy”, which I only know from the Simpsons but I’ll defer to her expertise. Tony says “argh” like a pirate. And then…what the fuck…Jesus Nut says, “yooooooooo-hoooooooo”. And it goes on for what feels an eternity. You can see Captain Boomies trying to figure out what’s going on. This is a nautical term? “yo ho”?
I know that it’s a Pirates of the Caribbean reference but…it’s just awkward and confusing the way she says it.
And then she says “all hail” to try to recover but that only makes it worse. All hail? Was she thinking of “all hands on deck”? What the fuck is this?
2:00 – Tony suggests that he used to live in Maryland when he was a kid. Just some Tony from Hack the Movies trivia for all of you Tony fanatics out there.
So I’ve made it to five minutes. Jesus Nut was just being annoying and say “oh” and “yeah” and “oh my gosh” and shit like this. Captain Whatever didn’t say much. And Tony is reading from Wikipedia.
Do I want to watch any more? Umm…I do not.
It’s sad that Tony surrounds himself with these charisma-less women and thinks that this is going to get views. Newt does the same thing, although at least PVC Bondage Guy can be engaging.
It’s just appealing to the lowest common denominator (horny retards) and betraying your own gender. Find a guy who can hold a conversation, has interesting things to say, and bring him on the show. Is it that hard?
That fucking 400 pound Cuban guy who Tony had on the show was good. If he was a regular, this might be watchable.
Instead, it’s always these charisma-less basic bitches who all think that they’re hot chicks.
Speaking of 400 pound Cuban guys, Bunny Bleu was also in another of my favourites: Big Boob Bangaroo. She had a massage scene with the Bogas Brothers.
God, what is that fat “brother” doing these days? He has to be long dead.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alex_Sao_Paulo
According to the Spanish-language Wikipedia, the only relevant site I could find about him, he’s still alive. But who knows? He’s not on Twitter or anything.
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Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom Review – Newt Wallen
Newt, PVC Bondage Guy, and Scumbag are reviewing Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. That hidden gem.
0:00 – Newt says that this is one of his favourite “1980s adventure movies” and “The internet told me is wrong to like because it’s racist.”
Is that the issue? I don’t think so. I think that issue that people have with the movie is that it sucks dick.
I have a vague idea of the racism claims but I don’t think that that’s a big movement and I don’t think that that’s why people say that the movie is bad. The idea that the movie sucks pre-dates woke culture.
Newt asks PVC Bondage Guy if she thought that the movie was racist and she refuses to answer. Newt, rightly, calls her out on this. Just proffer an opinion PVC Bondage Guy. There are clearly offensive depictions of the people of India. And fucking Short Round. I think that Short Round is even more offensive than the depictions of Indians. I don’t think that anybody actually believes that people in India are savages who eat monkey brains and sacrifice people but the depiction of Short Round is clearly racist.
I’m not saying that you have to necessarily be bothered by any of this but you can’t deny the racism.
I was watching that Squid Games with my girlfriend recently. The awful American “reality” show that’s as scripted as all the other American “reality” shows. And there was a scene where a black guy comes in and he says, “Yo, yo, yo.” Actually, I think it was just one “Yo” but it was a really stereotypical black guy thing that he said. I don’t remember the exact phrase.
So I said, “This is offensive.” My girlfriend said, “But that’s just how he talks.” So I said, “Then don’t include it. This thing was edited. They chose to include that cretin saying, ‘Yo, yo, yo.’ They could have easily edited that out. Even if he does talk like that, get rid of it. Including it just perpetuates negative stereotypes about black people.”
I have some views on black folk and Chinese folk and Indian folk and all kinds of folk. But we don’t need to see negative images of these folk in mass media. It’s just Jews profiting off of this low-brow bullshit. Interestingly, you don’t see many negative depictions of Jews in the mainstream media.
0:45 – Scumbag says something and nobody on earth can hear this. Hopefully this was filmed weeks ago and this asshole is back in whatever podunk town in Iowa that he came from, doing his whole cookie cutter Marilyn Manson “aren’t I edgy” routine.
5:00 – Mic check for the bald unemployed man.
9:45 – Newt says that he showed his teenage employees the Turned Down for What music video, which he gleefully describes as being about dicks and tits.
Next time I call Newt’s boss trying to get him fired, I’ll be sure to mention this.
14:15 – Newt retells a story that he apparently told PVC Bondage Guy and Scumbag about how he wants to be reincarnated as Harrison Ford’s penis between 1977 and 1984.
Guess what, Ideas Man? I’m done. Let me know when you get a new idea. Tits and gore? We’ve heard it. Try reviewing the fucking movie without constant perverted bullshit. He hasn’t said ANYTHING about the movie so far. And I give up.
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F-Zero 99 – Neighbor Nerds – Cinemassacre
Alright, let’s try to get through this.
The last one…what was it…some Christmas game. I couldn’t even watch it for the purposes of writing about it. It was some shitty game that nobody has ever heard of and it was highly, highly, MASSIVELY edited. Two seconds of footage and then boom, an edit. Different footage now. Repeat for twenty minutes.
What the fuck is that? You can’t follow what’s going on. It was just random footage.
Mike has played this, by the way. Fairly recently. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
0:45 – After about ten seconds of James playing the game HORRIBLY, it cuts abruptly to a commercial.
WHO’S EDITING THIS SHIT? GET RID OF THEM. IT’S UNWATCHABLE.
James REALLY likes this mobile game. It’s the only time when he appears to be interested in anything.
Oh, there’s a Cinemassacre clan in this game. James invites you to join it and you can find monsters together. He’s implying…no. More than that. He’s stating that he will be playing the game with you. It’s 100% bullshit, of course. Why would he put a blatent lie in the ad like this?
2:30 – “Don’t forget to find me and join clan Cinemassacre today.”
What’s your user name, James? How many hours have you logged into this game so far? We want the details.
He’s a lying fucking retard.
Then we’re back to the gameplay. REALLY bad. TERRIBLE. He blames the controller.
3:30 – John has to explain to him that when you go over the rough areas of the track, your health goes down. Or whatever. And this was after James went on and on and on about how much he played this game as a kid and how everybody played it and how everybody knows the rules and how the tutorial was therefore a waste of time.
Didn’t know that you lose health on the rough areas or the track. Or whatever it is. Even I know this and I’ve never played the game before.
And this is edited to fuck. It’s fucking terrible. Just show the god damned races. Is it that hard?
I know that James can’t talk so there would be long stretches of nothing. But we’d be able to see the fucking gameplay at least.
4:30 – John died but…how? We didn’t see the progression. He seemed to be doing okay. Then they just cut to the end where he dies.
I’m done. It’s unwatchable. Who the fuck is editing this shit?
There are no credits. Was it Newt the Intern? I want to know. Somebody obviously edited this. Shouldn’t they get credit? Or blame, in this case?
What did the fags on Reddit say?
Well, nobody seems to be mentioning the editing.
Just imbeciles repeating the same three “memes” over and over and over again.
I don’t know how nobody can notice how atrocious the editing is. Totally unwatchable and I put the blame entirely on the editing. I mean, yeah, James is a retard and probably has nothing to say but I have no way of confirming this because the editing makes it entirely unwatchable.
I’m just going to move on to more interesting videos.
There’s this guy Hezakya and he’s clearly not right mentally but he posts some interesting material. It’s a black guy from Baltimore so it’s a lot “urban” stuff and stuff about racism and whatnot.
Recently he’s been posting these videos which seem to a local Baltimore “urban” talk show from the 1980s. There was an episode where Vanessa Del Rio was the guest and I watched some of that before I just couldn’t take that cretinous co-host Jaki Hall. SHE’S AN IDIOT! Totally ruins the show.
From a quick Google search, she’s some scam “preacher” now. She must be 100 years old.
But I found this particular video about transexuals hilarious. At least for the first 15 seconds. Then it quickly becomes unwatchable thanks to Reverand Hall over here.
“Many people view homosexuals, transexuals, and transvestites as unnatural deviants.”
You used to be able to say it like it is back in the day.
Wow. I just noticed that I’ve now written more articles about Newt Wallen than I have about Cinemassacre. So Newt is now in second place. Watch out, Erin. Newt is coming for you.
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What will Happen to Mr.Wright Way Channel in 2024 – Mr Wright Way
Well, he can’t do any worse than Zap Cristal in 2024. Let’s find out.
0:15 – He’s charging his car. Interesting. The future is here. I honestly have no idea how cars work any more. The last time I drove a car, gas was 99 cents a gallon.
0:45 – He says that in 2023, he was at various nerd conventions, Japan, and Africa.
Good for him. Not the nerd conventions or even really Japan because he only went there for nerd reasons. But if he found something worthwhile to see in Africa then that’s great.
1:15 – He says that he has a podcast.
Well, he’s getting more views for that than Zap Cristal is. Way more. He’s getting between two and three thousand views, I’d guess. By contrast, Zap is getting between two and three hundred.
2:00 – He talks about getting divorced in January 2023. He says, “Not the best, but things happen with people.”
Yeah. Fuck Zap Cristal. She’s a nut. She’s a nut with an unhealthy interest in her own son and an addiction to marrying black men.
2:15 – “Those two weeks in Japan probably saved my life.”
Oh, do tell. Let’s see how. How did doing nerd shit Japan save his life?
He doesn’t elaborate. Just buying old Famicom games was what he needed, I guess.
4:15 – He says that he’s been having difficulties the past month. My sympathies for that. “But now everything is kosher, as they say.” Well, if you’re Jewish you might say that. Are there many Jews in Arkansas? According to his description, he’s in Arkansas.
I worked in a Jewish school in London. Oh, god. Talk about shit. There was all this security. You had to go through burly guys and tell them what you’re there for. There’s massive paranoia and you’re treated like an untermensch. The Jews really seem to have a problem with superiority complexes and have learned nothing from history.
But I mention this because there was one black kid there. In a certain part of East Africa, I don’t know where, there are black Jews. So this kid must have been from there. He wore a different sort of yarmulke. It was bigger. Whatever. I found it interesting.
5:00 – He’s at 33,000 subscribers. He hopes to get to 100,000 this year. Umm…well, some wishful thinking.
Doesn’t Zap have like 5,000 subscribers? She has 6,000.
So anyway, that’s the video. It was alright. I mean, I watched an 8 minute video of a guy talking about basically nothing. So he’s fairly engaging.
- “It was an honor interviewing you last year! Hey, man, thank you for your service! Keep your head up and I’m so glad you went to Japan, what a great trip.”
I don’t know what this is about but I’m just going to pretend that the “service” that this guy is talking about is marrying that lunatic Zap Cristal.
Think about it. He’s doing WAY better than Zap Cristal. He’s getting 10 times as many views. He has 5.5 times as many subscribers.
And look at the disadvantages that he’s had to overcome to achieve that. He’s black. He’s a guy. He’s knocking on 50.
A women can pretty much phone it in and get views. Not necessarily a lot of views, as Zap Cristal proves, but she can get views.
A guy has to put the work in. Because there are a billion fucking guys putting out videos about video games. So you see it. He’s putting out at least three videos a week. How many of these are worth watching? Probably not many but he’s cranking this shit out.
John Riggs does the same thing. Just put out a bunch of videos. A lot of it is going to be crap but it’s something. This is his job.
Then you look at Zap Cristal, Erin Plays, Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining, whoever…they’re putting videos out whenever they can be bothered. And you get the ShiShi’s and the Joe’s from Game Sack of the world kissing their asses and saying, “Oh, this is amazing. Just give me five minutes to jack off here.”
So good luck to Mr Wright Way and his channel.
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3 BAD Games from Sunsoft – Erin Plays
Another entry in Erin’s “It’s Late and I’m Tired” series of videos.
0:00 – “Sunsoft is known for being one of the best developers for the NES.”
Really? She shows pictures of Sky Kid, Gimmick, Batman, Spy Hunter, Journey to Silius, Freedom Force. The only game I’ve even heard of is Batman. And I don’t like that game.
I’m not saying that I’m an NES historian by any means. I played a few of the popular games at friends’ houses as a kid. I dabbled in some games through emulation, over twenty years ago. But I think I have some idea of what the good NES games are. I watch these fucking videos. Mike Matei and…mostly Mike Matei, I guess. I can’t think of anyone else who I watch who covers NES games in any meaningful way.
So no, I’m challenging the assertion that Sunsoft is one of the best developers for the NES. But who am I to question a hardcore video game enthusiast like Erin? She’s all played of the NES games. On stream, for money. For a few minutes each.
Then she shows Gremlins 2, which has to suck dick, and Lemmings, which also has to suck dick, at least on the NES.
Blaster Master and U-four-ia. Never heard of them either. Actually, maybe Blaster Master is that game where you’re a tank of some sort and you can get out of the tank.
0:15 – Fester’s Quest is her first example of a bad game. Oh, this is really covering new ground. Did you guys ever hear that Fester’s Quest might be a bad game?
Sure. You mean from the AVGN episode? Or from the 15 streams that Mike has done of this game where he repeatedly talks about how shit the game is? Yeah. I know about this one already, Erin.
Then it’s straight to Wikipedia.
0:15 – She says that due to reruns, The Addams Family was “still pretty popular in North America” at the time of this game’s release.
Really? North America? I mean, the US, okay. I knew about the show at this time. I knew that reruns were being aired.
But was it the same in Canada? And Mexico? Does Erin even know what North America means?
I don’t know. Maybe the 1960s Addams Family show was all the rage in 1990s Mexico. I can’t say one way or the other. I’m thinking that Spanish-language programs would probably be more popular there. But I don’t know. Maybe they got a dubbed version. But how does Erin know this? How is Erin such an authority on Canadian and Mexican television in the 1990s?
What even is North America? In terms of continents. Surely the countries in Central America are also a part of North America. Let me look this up.
Yeah. Not only that, but the Carribean too. So you’re telling me that The Addams Family was popular in all 47 countries, dependencies, and other territories that can be found on this list:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_America#Definitions
Go fuck yourself. Nobody was watching The Addams Family in Haiti. They didn’t have tvs.
Was it big in Panama? And Jamaica? And El Salvador? There’s no chance.
“North America”. You fucking cretin.
0:45 – “Let’s get to the problems. Where do I begin?”
Just asking Mike. He’s done numerous streams on this game. Tell him to stop fucking you in the ass for two seconds and help you with your video.
1:15 – There’s footage of somebody (unlikely to be Erin) farming a particular spot in the game. I have seen Mike farm this particular area so many times that it’s burned into my memory. This footage is almost certainly taken from one of Mike’s many streams of this game. This basically is the stream. Just him farming this area.
Then there’s more footage. I remember exactly where I’ve seen all of this. Mike recently did a compilation of one of his Addams Family streams and put it together in some kind of “funny” way with him “raging” or something. And he played this compilation during a break in a recent stream that he did. He used to show McDonalds commercials or just play music but recently he started showing wacky compilation of previous streams.
That’s exactly where this footage is from. I remember this. This gameplay is in the exact same order as that compilation. All she’s done is taken Mike’s fucking compilation video. She couldn’t even bother playing the game for this video.
3:00 – “This could be a great game if these issues were fixed.”
Mike said this exact same fucking thing in his recent stream of the game. He was going on and on about how some rom hacking nerd should fix the game. Erin did NOTHING for this video. This is all Mike. Mike played the game. Mike came up with the script. It’s all Mike.
Erin isn’t even appearing on screen. What are ShiShi and Joe from Game Sack supposed to jack off to? She’s just reading Mike’s script.
Next game is Xenophobe. Never heard of it but Mike must have played it recently.
5:15 – Platoon. “Possibly the worst NES game that I’ve ever played.”
Yeah. Well, let’s hear what NES expert Erin Plays has to say.
I’ve definitely seen somebody playing this recently. And it had to have been Mike. I’m not watching anyone else who’s playing NES games. I know that the issue is going to be the confusing map system where you go or down in the jungle at certain points, like in the Friday the 13th NES game. I’ve never played the game so how would I know this other than from watching something on Youtube? And as I said, it had to be from Mike.
6:00 – “You have to press left or right before pressing up, otherwise you’ll just be jumping in place.”
Well…no shit. That’s how jumping works in video games. God, she’s fucking clueless.
6:15 – Exactly. She’s talking about how the game is a maze and it’s like Friday the 13th. This is from Mike.
7:15 – “So there you have it. Three bad games from Sunsoft.”
“Help” by Mike Matei?
Then she encourages you to watch her other INCREDIBLY no-effort videos in this “series”.
7:30 – “What developer would you like to see me tackle next?”
I don’t know. What’s Mike streaming these days?
It is fucking preposterous. Mike is doing all of the gameplay and scripts for Erin and for James Rolfe. None of these people want to do any work. Mike isn’t even doing any work, he’s just rehashing his streams.