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Johanna from Hack the Movies Lost a Lot of Weight
Am I crazy? At first, I thought it was some new skank that Tony was having in the video. No. It’s Johanna from Hack the Movies.
I haven’t looked at Tony’s videos in at least a year. But it looks like she lost at least fifty pounds since then.
https://linktr.ee/stufflikehearts
I was looking at her Link Tree for confirmation but there’s really nothing. She doesn’t seem to be on Twitter any more, opting instead for BlueSky. But it’s just an old profile picture and she rarely posts.
Here’s a post seemingly from a rather recent event where her mother almost died. None of her siblings visited her mother at the hospital. Then her mother got better. Then her mother-in-law died. Then her mother told people about her mother-in-law dying, which apparently she shouldn’t have done due to “legal reasons.” Whatever that means. So then her mother got upset with her.
No responses. Because nobody goes to fucking BlueSky. But at least she’s sticking it to Elon Musk.
I also noticed that Castszilla versus the Podmonster, her and Tony’s beleaguered Godzilla podcast, ended in April 2024. It was entirely unwatchable by the end. They just did it off the cuff. No preparation. It was all just to shake retards down for “donataions.”
Speaking of which, she has her “Throne” site linked here. This is like the Amazon Wish List thing that prostitutes will put up. I’ve never seen this before. She wants you to buy her things because…fuck knows? It’s mostly Dungeons & Dragons dice.
She’s also on Tumblr? What year is this? But it’s all anime pictures.
This woman is married. Just stop this shit. But good for her on the weight loss and condolences on the mother-in-law and the shitty mother.
Is Tony doing anything interesting? Umm….no. There’s not a single video I want to subject myself to and his Twitter is just full of bizarre re-tweets of some guy attacking fat chicks called the Plus Size Park Hoppers, a group of obese women who go to Disney World. I think that Tony does this right wing stuff to try to gain viewers but…is it working? I think that the idea is that he does this “ironically” but I think that he genuinely holds these views.
What about Horseface?
Oh, that’s really hot. Horseface is going to Nashville and wants “recommendations.” WHAT recommendations? I recommend getting a job and stopping this nonsense where you pretend to be a hot chick.
Is Tennesee even a state where people typically wear cowboy hats?
NO mention of Tennessee other than somebody claiming to be from Tennessee who says, “If you see cowboy hats in Nashville they’re usually tourists!”
What a fucking dope Horseface is.
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Newt’s Movie Theatre Pricing Policy
Five bucks a ticket? You can’t beat that.
I used to go to the Prince Charles Cinema in London. They’d show second run movies and old movies. I’m thinking that the prices were £5 so that’s like $7.50. But this was 15 or 20 years ago. Prices are £14 now for non-members and £11 for members.
How much is membership? Wow. £15 a year. That’s a deal. It pays for itself in five visits. Plus, there are £1 shows for members. Lifetime membership is £60. That’s nothing.
I used to go there regularly. It’s a fine cinema. I believe that Quentin Tarantino said that it was his favourite cinema in London. And it’s very close to some corporate cinema who charges THIRTY POUNDS a ticket. And again, these prices are from 15 or 20 years ago.
Maybe Newt should suggest introducing a membership to his cinema. Just rip off the idea. He’s not above that.
The bathrooms at the Prince Charles Cinema were unbelieveable, though. It was like somebody died in there. I don’t think that they were ever cleaned. I heard a customer complaining about them.
They had a great selection of movies. Classics and just slightly out of date recent movies. Like movies that were being shown a month or two ago.
I’m looking at reviews of Newt’s theatre. 4.9/5.0 on Google. That has to be packed full of fake reviews. It does seem to have a lot of reviews. Nearly 1000. For a cinema in a small town? Fuck off.
- “I love going here it’s only $5 a person. Go to their website and check what movie they are giving and go”
That just sounds like advertising. If it weren’t for the correct spelling and grammar, I’d assume that Newt himself wrote that.
- “The prices are great comparing to other movie theaters movies are great but some of the chairs you can feel the springs”
I hear that. There’s nothing worse than sitting in a chair and feeling a spring up your ass. Fix it, Newt. Do your fucking job.
- “Love the Grand. So thankful they showed How to Train your Dragon and Mission Impossible. $5 movies and $3.25 buckets of popcorn. Friendly clean and safe.”
I know that these are just ads disguised as genuine reviews but it does sound tempting. Five bucks? $3.25 for what she describes as a “tub” of popcorn? These are prices from 30 years ago.
Plus, you have Newt and presumably the rest of the employees dressed up in tuxedos in shit like it’s from the 1930s or whatever. So they’re not skimping on the ambiance.
Oh and here we go.
- “It feels like stepping back in time. Beautiful theater, tuxedoed ushers and reasonable concessions. A great experience for the entire family”
So yeah.
- “Great movie theater. Single screen, and an old school feel. Good prices. The seats are pretty comfortable and everything feels cleaner than a few other theaters around.”
This guy doesn’t mind the sping up his ass. It might even be a perk for some people.
- “If you love nostalgia, don’t mind the musty smell & sharing an out-dated restroom…then this is perfect little movie theater for you.”
I was talking to my friend about euphamisms for bathrooms in the US versus the UK. In the US, they’ll say “bathroom” or, as in this case, in this case “restroom.” And “bathroom” is always a subject of scorn in the UK because, “There’s no bath in there.” So what are they called in the UK? “Toilets.” Like that’s better. Why focus on the toilets? Why the desire to mention toilets? Isn’t “bathroom” classier than that?
But my friend insisted that she says “restrooms”, which, maybe she does, but it’s not the done thing in the UK. “Toilets” is the common term for public facilities. There’s also “WC” and some of the classier facilities are labelled that, being an abbreviation for “water closet”, bizarrely, but nobody calls it that.
- “We go here for all of our movies now! Great experience and option for a date night or for a family night out. Love the prices! Can’t beat a $5 movie ticket for new releases.”
New releases? Really? I don’t think so. I mean, he’s advertising Jaws for fuck’s sake. Let me check how “new” these releases are.
Cash only? What the fuck? That looks a little shady.
“Current” attractions: Jaws, Metropolis (1927), Phantom of the Opera (1925), Rocky Horror Picture Show, Medium’s Gallery? What? And tickets are $20 for that. What is this?
Oh, it’s a live performance with some charleton presenting herself as a “medium”. How weird is that? At a movie theatre? Apparently, she does shows throughout rural Pennysylvania. “Paranormal” shit too.
Maybe Chris BORES can take notes on this business model.
The Wizard of Oz (1925) is also playing. So…if by “new releases” you mean stuff within the past 100 years, I guess so.
And these aren’t even deep cuts. This is mainstream shit.
They claim to be showing Mortal Kombat II and Wicked: For Good “soon”, which are new releases, but who knows when that’s going to be? I just gave you all of the movies that are coming up. It was Jaws, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and some mainstream movies from 100 years ago.
Who hasn’t seen Wizard of Oz? Come on. Although, I guess seeing it on the big screen might be something.
I saw Seven Samurai at the Prince Charles Cinema. That was great. I saw a lot of foreign films there, actually. Newt needs to tap into this. Get the avant garde, intellectual crowd in there. He’s focusing on grandmothers looking for a place to go to with their grandkids.
- “Stopped at this place while passing through town, and had a wonderful experience. Definitely felt like stepping back through time when entering the theater. While the movie I saw was a new film, getting to see the old Looney Tunes short before the movie was a wonderful moment that really made it feel like I had traveled back in time.”
Oh yeah. Newt has mentioned that he shows a Looney Tunes short before every movie. I wonder if he’s paying for that. Presumably not.
- “The plays are top-notch, and the actors are superb.”
They do plays too? Newt should put something together using one of his 1000+ “tits and gore” scripts that he shit out in a day. Adapt it to the stage.
- “Love this theater! Employees were super nice and dressed to impress! Popcorn was delicious and prices were amazing! Have been coming here for a while and my only complaint is no lemonade, kids ask about it every time we go, probably would sell better than fruit punch!!”
Well, he’s not wrong. Lemonade beats fruit punch every time. But how stupid are his kids? How many times do they need to be told that there’s no lemonade?
I’m surprised that they’re selling any kind of homemade beverages. They’re presumably from those machines. Presumably higher profit margins than bottled drinks.
- “Great place to take the family for an affordable price and friendly service. Where else can you see a movie and enjoy some snacks and soda for under $10. Love having a small theatre in our neighborhood”
How much is the candy? What sort of selection do they have? Can I get Sno-Caps? Do they even still make Sno-Caps? I only ever saw them in cinemas.
Oh yeah. They are still sold.
Let’s see if there’s a picture of the concession stand. Oh yeah. Here’s one from nine years ago.
Not sure if that link will work.
Appears to be a limited selection. I can’t make out any brands. Maybe Kit Kats? Kit Kats are shit.
What about selling beer at the premises? You can apparently do that now. Newt told a story about having a beer at some cinema.
What about hard liquor? Is that allowed? You’d need a licence, presumably. I don’t know how much those cost.
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Mike Matei Talking about Hate Blogs
So he’s drawing various video game and cartoon and Star Trek characters for the nerds in his chat using Mario Paint.
5:06:00 – He doesn’t know what some video game character looks like, a character that might not even exist. Then he puts on a nerd voice and says, “‘Actually, technically, Mike, baby (something) was in MegaMan X7.’ That will be a comment I get later. Sorry, I didn’t know. ‘How could you not know? I thought you liked video games.’ I don’t know. I guess you’re right. I’m a fraud. ‘I knew it. I will create a hate blog against you.’ That’s fine. Wouldn’t be the first.”
He’s clearly referencing the blog and my rightful criticisms of Erin. In fact, Erin was in this video briefly and she demonstrated her clear lack of knowledge about video games. Let’s see if I can find it.
1:19:00 – Mike: Here we’ve got Sonic the Hedgehog, my favourite video game character. Isn’t that right, Erin?
Erin: What?
Mike: That Sonice the Hedgehog is my favourite video game character.
Erin: Oh, yeah. Definitely. Your favourite. You know so much about him and care about him.
Mike: Love him.
Erin: What about Amy Rose?
Mike: I…wish I knew what that was.
Erin: Oh well. I’m sure the chat will tell you.
Then she just runs off to cry in the bathtub. She CLEARLY didn’t know. She just brought up this obscure character who nobody knows about, totally unaware that it’s an obscure character because she knows nothing about video games, she only knows about the character because she’s pink and a horntard told her about it, and then when asked to give more information about it, instead of admitting any of this, she gives a terrible excuse and runs off.
Mike knows full well that Erin is a fraud. Mike is an avid reader of the blog. I’m sure that it’s a regular topic at the Matei home over dinner when Erin is serving her famous slow cooker lentil soup. He makes vague references to the blog, often along these same lines where he talks about “fake gamers” on a not-infrequent basis. And also in this stream, he mentioned “the Richard Karn era of Family Feud” which is something I discussed not too long ago in an article about Erin.
But what I find interesting is that quite possibly NOBODY in that chat is even aware of the blog. So when Mike or Erin or Destiny Fomo or Newt or Tony from the Hack the Movies would make vague or even explicit references to the blog, they’re doing so to an audience that has NO IDEA what they’re talking about. The blog is only a big deal to the people who I’m writing about.
It might be analagous to a band having a small fan club that’s run by one person. MAYBE the band would become aware of the fan club, briefly check it out, and then move on with their lives. But do you think that the band would give a shit about this little fan club? They’re going to mention them during interviews? Nobody would know what they were talking about.
I don’t recall Chris BORES ever mentioning the Irate Gamer Sucks blog, which was similar to my blog and where I drew inspiration. Judging by the number of comments, the blog was probably about as popular (or unpopular) as the Gamer Girls blog. I get like 30 unique visitors a day. When I wrote regularly, I’d get like 100. These aren’t big numbers. And a lot of these hits are from the people who I’m writing about. I can’t see IP addresses any more because I’m using a different counter but back when I could, A LOT of the hits were coming from rural Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Newt Wallen country. Mike Matei country. Screenwave Media country. John Riggs was also a regular viewer.
I just find it interesting that a blog can have so little impact on the people at large but such a big impact on the subjects about whom I’m writing about. I should have been writing about some big time celebrities instead. I wonder what would have happened if I was writing about Scary Spice or something instead. Maybe she would have found the blog, found it flattering, and we could have started going out. She married a barber not long ago so she’s not limiting herself to big time celebrities.
Or maybe I could have written hundreds of articles on the mother from Alf. Is she still alive? Anne Schedeen. Yes. Seventy-six years old. Maybe she could have answered some questions I had about her tv husband smoking crack with homeless black guys. Maybe I could have been her date to some Hollywood gala. Oh wait, she hasn’t worked in over twenty years. And she’s married.
Actually, maybe those scenarios aren’t too far-fetched. I picked celebrities in the twillight years of their fame for my examples. Surely, a big time current celebrity wouldn’t bother. But I suppose that I can see a Z-list celebrity, who nobody is writing about, taking an interest in the blog.
I bet that Newt is refreshing the page multiple times a day. “Did he write about my latest prostitute…I mean friend?”
Do you suppose that Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining, Pelvic Gamer, and Retro Ali are disappointed that I’m not writing about them any more? Checking out Retro Ali’s Twitter, it’s FULL of messages talking about how many naps she takes and how she doesn’t have the “energy” to stream today. The whole thing screams depression. Presumably unrelated. Not a single mention of her job at Disney World. Maybe she’s not working any more.
Oh wait. Here’s one.
She must be on the same “workout” plan that PVC Bondage Guy is on.
It’s kind of weird that Mickey’s face became peach-coloured with the transition to colour. Like a white person’s skin tone. When he was just black and white it seemed more normal, like he was a cartoon character. But why does Mickey, a mouse, have a person’s skin tone? Goofy is the same as are a lot of the characters. The coding is clear that these are supposed to be caucasian characters. But why give animals, even anthropomorphic ones, racial characteristics like this?
You couldn’t say which race Donald Duck is, for example. The question doesn’t make sense in relation to Donald Duck. He’s a duck. But with Mickey Mouse, it’s clear. That’s a mouse of European descent.
Anyway, stay the course, Mike. As an avid reader of the blog, I’m sure you’re fully aware of my enjoyment of your work and my deep sympathy for the quagmire you find yourself in with fucking Zombie Gums.
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Prosti-Newt
I was inspired by the Idea Man’s love of coming up with a bad pun and then creating a shitty script around that pun that he shits out in a day. So…this is my Prosti-Newt article. I hope to turn it into a video game or a comic book or a movie some day.
He goes to McDonalds to get a couple of Happy Meals. It’s never explained why he got two, or if it is, I didn’t get it. I guess that I have to watch this again. I already watched it once and he does his usual creep shit.
0:45 – “I have a connection to Hello Kitty.”
And then he talks about his “exotic dancer” “friend” Latia (or something). He’s at pains to tell you that she was Korean, black, and Cherokee. He knew this “friend” when he worked at the comic book store, which must have been 20 years ago. But Latia liked Hello Kitty so now whenever he thinks of Hello Kitty, he thinks about all of the sexy time that he had with this prostitute “friend” of his.
Why does everything have to be creepy with this guy? He could have even just told the story minus the “exotic dancer” part. What did that add to the story? But he wants people to think that he’s some big stud who’s fucking all of these hot chicks. Like Horseface. Never mind the fact that these are prostitutes and he’s paying them.
2:15 – Newt just starts talking about how, “We’re slipping into authoritarianism” out of nowhere. He’s talking about Happy Meals, and how he’s going to give one of the toys to one of his employees, probably in a creepy fashion, and then he starts with this anti-Trump shit.
His Twitter has been FULL of absolutely bizarre shit about Trump for the past couple of months at least. He seems to have abandoned his death toll tweets in favour of Trump shit.
The man won two elections. If you don’t like it, leave.
It’s not like this is a new phenomenon in the US. People talk about 1980 as the turning point, when Reagan was elected. He strengthened corporate control of the country. Wages went down. Unemployment went up. But this was already all going on for at least ten years by then. The groundwork was already in place by the time Reagan was elected.
You can look at the Powel Memorandum of 1971 which attacked perceived “communism” and set the blueprint for the corporate takeover of America for an example. Widely read, widely distributed, and people in power put these deplorable principles into reality.
But was the US ever some bastion of freedom? The country was founded by religious extremists who wanted to create a country so regimented and devoid of independent thought that it would make the Taliban blush. These nutjobs were “persecuted” for perfectly valid reasons.
Then you add to the mix that the country was built on slavery and genocide of the native people. This sounds “progressive” to you? It’s a nation of gun-loving cowards who “won” their country by taking it from Stone Age savages. America has never fought a war against an enemy of equal or greater strength. They’ve never been at risk of invasion.
They didn’t even enter World War II until it was obvious what the result was going to be. There were plans in place on how to deal with a Europe ruled by Germany. The US government was perfectly content to deal with a victorious Germany. Many probably preferred it.
As far as gun violence, that’s been on the rise since the Civil War. Human life was never valued in the US in terms of non-white folk but the Civil War showed that even white people were disposable. Other white Americans. And with the growing industrialisation and urbanisation, coupled with a history of glorifying brutality, the US became a breeding ground for violence.
Look at the degenerate popular culture that arose from such a society. Decades of radio shows, movies, television, and books all glorifying the violence of the Old West.
Take a look at what Newt himself does with his spare time. Dreams of making shit “tits and gore” movies. Do you think that people from healthy countries are doing that? “I’m going to make a movie full of disgusting, graphic violence where prostitutes are getting their entrails ripped out of them.” This is the direct result of a deeply degenerate society.
And none of this is new. None of this started with Trump. Trump is a piece of shit, sure, but he’s from a country that’s ALWAYS been shit. Despite the kings and queens and all of that gay shit, Western Europe has always been a better place to live than the US for the average person.
There’s been a marked increase in the attack on the working class in the US since the 1970s. There’s been open and brazen class warfare since then. The wealth has been redistributed upwards at increasing levels every year since the 1970s. Newt had his entire life to do something about it.
But Newt, being the fucking retard he is, just wakes up one day and says, “Hey, what’s the deal with this Trump guy? He sure is a jerk, isn’t he? If we’d just get rid of him, all of our problems would be solved.”
No. Newt’s solution to the very real corporate takeover of America is to sit in his car eating Happy Meals and hang out with fucking whores who he puts in his non-existent shitty “tits and gore” movies.
Newt is part of the fucking problem. Doesn’t he get it? Newt is what’s wrong with America. A no talent, delusional retard openly trying to lower the level of discourse with his no-brow “movies” that fortunately never get made. He glorifies prositutes. He glorifies violence. And then he says, “What’s the deal with all of this fascism?”
Fucking drowning in medical debt and student loan debt too. What does it take for him to wake up to the systemic problems in America as opposed to blaming it all on one guy?
Back to this mindless video about consumerism, prostitution, and the lack of any mental health care in America.
3:30 – He shows the tiny portions in Happy Meals. Well, it is shocking. You can almost count the number of fries in that thing. Maybe…ten? Fifteen? Another example of corporate greed. But don’t expect such an analysis from the self-proclaimed Ideas Man. His ideas all involve breasts and violence.
4:45 – Then Newt says that even though he’s trying to lose weight for this “movie” that he claims he’s going to be in, which will involve him being nude, he’s going to eat the chicken nuggets. Did that “diet” of his ever even start? You can even see in this video that he has a double chin. How the fuck is he going to lose the 50+ pounds that he needs to lose in the next four or five months? This guy seems to be spending a lot of time in his car eating fast food. Where are the videos where he’s out walking around rural Pennsylvania?
5:30 – Then he starts talking about a man standing outside of his window staring at him. But here’s the great thing about Newt, the long-time “Youtuber” and film-maker extraordinaire: HE DOESN’T SHOW THE GUY. He doesn’t even include any of the audio. There was apparently some big incident with this guy banging on the windows and shit. We get NONE of it.
Newt claims that an employee says that this is a local crazy person who hangs out in the parking lot. None of this is in the video. Newt had an opportunity to have something MILDLY interesting in his video for a change but he decided not to show any of it. I don’t even think that he recorded any of it. He seems to be turning the camera OFF when this crazy guy shows up. What is he doing?
So that’s the video. It’s shit. He promises a run in with a crazy person but none of it is shown. The only crazy person we get is fucking boring ass Newt Wallen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gtrr3hFAA_s
There’s a video with PVC Bondage Guy. I’m not watching it but she’s clearly not losing any weight.
Oh, Newt has a new prostitute “friend.”
0:00 – Newt: All right. Who are you?
Alex: Hi. I’m Alex. I don’t know. I can’t.
Newt: Are you an elderly prostitute who I pay to hang out with me?
I can’t believe that Newt uses this blog to try to pick up chicks. How could it possibly work? “There’s a guy with a little-known blog who writes about what a huge asshole I am. You should check it out. I’m a real celebrity.”
She doesn’t even deny being a prostitute.
And why is this taking place in a car again? Film a video at the gym. This woman could stand to lose some weight too.
5:00 – I’m five minutes in and Newt is just boring this woman and the audience about the fucking history of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Who gives a shit? That woman is earning whatever Newt is paying her. But I’m skipping ahead.
I can’t. He’s talking a lot but not saying anything worth listening to.
There was a comment about a muse…where was that?
Oh, it was in the McDonalds video.
- “And there you were saying you have no inspiration or muse. The world is clearly attempting to throw whatever it can your way to spark you, dude. ‘Merica can be a wiggity-wack place…”
Oh. That actually wasn’t worth looking for.
Here’s another video with this prostitute.
6:15 – “Fox News tells me that the Russians are the good guys.”
More anti-Trump shit from out of nowhere.
Here’s the video description:
“A movie with Dinosaurs in Nam should be awesome. but allas”
Can’t even spell “alas”. Unbelievable. A product of the American public school system. It’s by design. And Newt is too stupid to even be outraged by it.
So that’s what Newt has been doing with his time since I last wrote about him. He actually stopped speaking to his father because he voted for Trump. What fucking difference does it make? Who was the candidate who was going to do anything but maintain and stengthen the dictatorship of the capitalists?
Newt’s father voting for Trump just illustrates that his father is easily duped just like Newt is. They’re a couple of retards. What do you expect? But you shouldn’t stop speaking to him over this. Anyone voting for Trump should be pitied for being the easily-mislead fool that they are. Similarly, anyone voting for whoever the Democrats are wheeling out should be pitied. It’s all a sham. The country is run by corporations.
Democracy, in fact, is always inventing class distinctions, despite its theoretical abhorrence of them. The baron has departed, but in his place stand the grand goblin, the supreme worthy archon, the sovereign grand commander. Democratic man is quite unable to think of himself as a free individual; he must belong to a group, or shake with fear and loneliness and the group, of course, must have its leaders.
– H L Mencken
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Erin’s Fake Interest of the Week
She re-tweeted this. Presumably, she thinks that this is somehow applicable to herself. WHAT information? If it’s not colours, she doesn’t know anything.
But that’s not what I’m here for. It’s this “MOTU” post that caught my eye.
She’s a big “MOTU” fan, guys. Or, as anyone old enough to see the cartoon calls it, He-Man.
Where the fuck did “MOTU” come from? I know it’s a term used by nerds on the internet and Erin is just aping it trying to fool retards into thinking that she’s interested in this shit but as a kid, I have never heard anybody say “MOTU” or “Masters of the Universe” when referring to He-Man. Why would they?
So Erin is really jazzed about this “MOTU” game. It’s from Limited Run Games, by the way, a company who I’m pretty sure Erin has run ads for in the past, both up front and discreetly. This is an example of her stealth advertising. She presumably got paid for this. But how much could anybody possibly pay for this? This shitty tweet that nobody is going to read?
Well, some people read it. Her number one fan now that Shishi is dead, Joe from Gamesack replied.
- “Have you tried the PAL-exclusive He-Man game for the PS2? It’s… OK”
Joe…you know that she has not. You know that she’s not interested in video games. Why do you try to perpetuate the scam? You’ve been trying this for years. Has it worked so far? She’s still with Mike, right? When is this master plan of yours to woo Erin away going to start picking up steam?
So Erin says, “Very briefly. I remember being “meh” about it.” Uh huh. “Briefly, on stream, for money,” in other words.
Oh, Super Geoff changed his name. He’s now That Looney Gamer. He describes himself as a “Youtube comedian.” So I went to his channel hoping for some stand up comedy routines or something and…no. Just video game footage. Very disappointing.
But yeah, He-Man. Erin is all about it this week. This children’s toy line for boys from before she was born.
She’s all about shrimp this week. She’s a big seafood fan, guys. Will she gain powers from the radioactive shrimp? Get it? Like Spider-Man? Or…The Incredible Hulk? What other characters got powers from radioactivity? Let me look this up.
Daredevil. Maybe the Fantastic Four, whatever “cosmic rays” are. Phoenix.
God, I haven’t had shrimp since I was a kid. Do they even sell it in the UK? Maybe this is an insane question.
Oh. I see the problem. That’s right, they’re called “prawns” here. That’s why they were always off my radar. I knew they were called prawns but I just never really thought too deeply about the connection. But yeah, they’re sold here. In DISGUSTING sandwich form.
Go to any of these shitty sandwich shops or any grocery store and you’ll find cold prawn sandwiches in the refrigerated aisle. They’re horrible, over-priced sandwiches with tiny pink shrimp in them slathered in mayonaise between two cold, soggy slices of bread. Who’s eating this? Somebody must be, they’re fucking everywhere.
I didn’t even know that shrimp look like this, that’s why I never really made the connection. I’m only familiar with the large, breaded, deep-fried variety sold in the US.
But yeah, you can get prawn salad, prawn crisps, prawn crackers. I’ve never eaten any of that shit. Prawn baked potatoes. Oh, fucking prawn fried rice. That’s horrible. I always pick the prawns out when I get the fried rice that has a combination of beef, chicken, pork, and prawns. Prawn curry is also sold.
But deep fried prawns? I don’t think it exists in the UK. I’ve never seen it and I didn’t see it in a quick search of some food delivery company.
It’s fucking gross, though. I wouldn’t eat it even if it was available. Any food that requires a “de-veiner” is not for me. Same reason I don’t eat fried chicken. If there’s even a chance of a vein, forget it.
So He-Man. Or “MOTU” as the big time He-Man afficianados like Erin call it. I didn’t have any. Except for…well, I think that I had two, now that I think of it.
Yeah, I had King Hiss and…Hordak. King Hiss was such a crappy figure. There was a shitty plastic overlay on him that looked like a lifeless human that you’d remove to reveal his tiny snake body interior. I wonder why I even had those two figures. He-Man wasn’t something that I collected.
They were just in my miscellaneous figures drawer. He’d fight the Ghostbusters figures (which were SHIT) and my generic ninja figures and shit like that. Things in a similar scale. Cowboy Curtis too. Later, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles joined in.
Ghostbusters had to be the worst toy line ever produced. At least as far as I’m concerned. I just wanted normal figures with a proton pack but I guess that I got into the line too late. So I had Ghostbusters that had weapons that were designed to capture only the specific shitty ghost that came with the figure. So Egon had a clamp-type weapon that worked great with his shitty ghost that had a long neck but was useless for anything else. And the characters would make a dumb “scared” expression when you squeezed their arm.
I didn’t want that gimmick shit. But the entire line was gimmicks. The monsters were all gimmicks. The only sub-series that I liked at all was the classic monsters line but even those had gimmicks. You’d squeeze their legs together and they’d do some stupid action. The mummy’s action was the worst. His fucking arm and headwrapping would fall off. Who wants this? Who wants to play with this fragile as fuck character?
He-Man had a lot of gimmick characters too. King Hiss was terrible gimmick. But then there was also that suction cup mouth character. There was “battle damage” He-Man and Skelator that came later in the line. There was the moss character, although that perhaps wasn’t a gimmick so much and was kind of cool. Wasn’t there a character or characters who sprayed water out of their mouth? That’s never fun and just ruins the figure. Oh, and fucking Orco that was like a little car that used that plastic zip tie thing. Who wants that?
I’d love to hear Erin’s experience with “MOTU”. She made that video where she unboxed a bunch of “MOTU” figures that she bought with Mike’s money for the purposes of the video but then we never heard about it again.
That was four years ago. Where does the time go? And she just talked about colours, of course.
That was over five years ago. I wonder why she didn’t say, “Top Ten MOTU Games.”
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Crystal Quin’s IMDB Page
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm4155508
She proudly advertises this on her Twitter via some link-listing page.
So let’s check out her credits.
Seriously? This is all Newt Wallen shit. The fact that she advertises this “career” of hers is only going to encourage him. Is that what she wants? This crazy guy who can’t get over losing his “muse” like…five years after everything went down with the plagiarism? When was that anyway? Was it as long as five years?
Fucking Reddit doesn’t give you the date anyone posted anything. That’s insane. Oh. You have to hover your mouse over the “posted 4 years ago” or whatever thing. Ridiculous. So it was October 2021. We’re coming up on four years.
2012 seemed to be her debut. Four Fists of Judgement. A short film. Presumably a student project. Actually, Newt isn’t credited anywhere on this one.
Oh, it’s actually available on Youtube. I didn’t think I’d be able to find it at all.
294 views after TEN YEARS. This is a real hidden gem.
She’s credited as “Crystal Cowling” for some reason.
As much as I don’t want to watch this, I almost feel obligated. 294 views after a decade on Youtube.
It starts with some black and white or sephia or something montage about…something. There’s a gun involved. Horseface gives a really phony-looking slap to some guy. Then it’s just two bald guys fighting for some reason.
I can think of a lot of things I’d rather be doing than this.
3:15 – So after the fight scene, one of the bald guys is now in a…room of some description.
Oh, Horseface is in the bed. Things are about to take a turn to horror, I guess.
I can’t even understand what she’s saying.
Then after some single-entendres that don’t even make sense, the guy says “you never were good with words.” Well, whoever wrote this is self-aware of their own lousy writing, at least.
Then they try to have sex but their clothes are on, which obviously leads to failure.
Then Horseface delivers the world’s worst kick.
Say what you will about the first fight scene, the guys obviously had some familiarity with martial arts. Horseface…total novice.
So she kicked him out of the door of this hotel room or whatever and he lands in the pool. HOW CLOSE WAS THE POOL TO THE DOOR? It’s ridiculous. You step out of the door and you’re immediately in the pool?
The guy comes out of the pool and Horseface is waiting for him.
4:15 – Then some really, REALLY bad fighting from Horseface. This is pretty comical. Unintentionally, of course.
Instead of wrestling, she should take some tae kwon do classes or something.
Then the guy kicks her into the pool and…she drowns, I guess. Not sure why.
5:00 – So now the bald guy is fighting the third “fist” or whatever this is. These people are credited as “First One” through to “Fist Four.” So this is Fist Three, a black guy. They’re just suddenly fighting for some reason.
Fist three is using two mini-garbage can lids as weapons. No idea why, of course.
Oh, they’re weights.
Well, I’ve never seen a fight scene involving weights. For good reason. It makes no fucking sense.
So after the bald guy makes short work of Fist Three, we’re plunged in darkness as the bald guy struggles, along with the audience, to make sense of any of this.
Naturally, Fist Four enters and makes his displeasure with the bald guy known via the traditional method of badly choreographed fighting.
Oh, and Fist Four has those ninja scythes or whatever.
Then Fist Four just disappears. I don’t even think that the bald guy beat him. I didn’t see any big finishing move. Fist Four just disappears seemingly mid-fight.
So the bald guy stumbles away and you get “The End” on screen.
Well, that was anti-climactic. You built this story up so much and then…nothing. The characters were so developed. I was really invested in the bald guy and his quest for beating random people up.
This was all the work of Doug Seidel, one of God’s Chosen People. His last video was two years ago. This is his channel, by the way. But this latest video is just as bad as this “fists” bullshit.
Most recently, according to his IMDB, he was a “gaffer” for a music video. Whatever that is. Something to do with lighting. He was also an “actor” in this video, so I suspect this just some local bullshit from somebody who he’s associated with.
So that was Horseface’s uninspired debut. But Newt must have seen potential in her. Because her next video was some Taylor Swift parody video that Justin Silverman was involved with and I have to assume Newt as well, although uncredited. I’ve seen this before, I think, and can’t bring myself to watch it again. Just take my word for it that’s shit.
She’s also credited for one episode of Silvermania, Justin’s Youtube channel.
Some more shorts.
In 2016, she was in Midnight Show, Newt’s project that he’s talked about for years and I don’t believe has ever been released. And Newt isn’t even credited anywhere on IMDB for this.
It says it was released in 2016 but I can only find a trailer and it’s connected to Underbelly, Justin’s “show” on his channel. Or something.
Newt has said before that he’s been editing Midnight Show to take Horseface out of the movie and hopes to release it soon. He’s been saying this for YEARS. So this must be his project. Why is he not credited anywhere?
Maybe they’ll release is 2026 for the tenth anniversary of the so-called “release.”
Horseface was also on four episodes of Underbelly. They claim that this is a tv show but…I’m pretty sure it’s just Justin Silverman’s “series” on his defunct Youtube channel.
She was in something called “Portal”, which is a series of horror shorts that nobody has seen and possibly has never been released.
“Hold It”, another short that nobody has ever seen.
Swamp Zombies 2. Is Newt credited here at least? Oh, he is.
Oh, and Mel Heflin aka Mel Heifer, the “star” of the upcoming movie that Newt will allegedly have a nude scene in was also in Swamp Zombies 2.
That was in 2018. Then she did nothing from 2018 to 2021 when she made her long-awaited return to the big screen in…a Rex Viper video.
Oh wait. No, she was also in three episodes of Cinema Insomnia with Mr Lobo. They call it a “tv show” but once again, it’s just the guy’s fucking Youtube channel. And these videos get 200 views.
And then Horseface’s latest credit is in Bigfoot Exorcist in 2024. Newt gets writer and director credit along with Donald Farmer. And Horseface’s role was “1st Victim.”
She actually advertises this IMDB page. It’s just a series of Youtube videos that she’s done and a couple of zero budget Newt Wallen productions.
Why aren’t her Hack the Movies appearances listed here? What constitutes something that can be credited as an acting role? The bar seems to be extremely low.
Maybe Horseface should start doing some theatre work. There’s surely some community theatre near her full of equally deluded and obnoxious “actors.” She’d fit right in. She’s also be able to hone her craft, something that she’s in desperate need of.
I don’t think that Horseface ever said where she moved to but Newt lives in East Greenville, Pennsylvania, I believe. What’s the nearest amateur theatre group?
Well, there’s DCP Theatre in some tiny town nearby. Glowing reviews on Google. They talk about how they’re all amateurs and they hold open auditions.
A Rock Sails By is their next production. It’s about a UFO and a journalist. Eugh. I hope it’s deeper than that.
If Newt got involved in this shit, it would be good for two reasons. 1) He’d have a pool of new talent who he can woo away with promises of PAID work, however small the pay may be. 2) Maybe he can license some of his 1000+ scripts to these people for an upcoming production. Assuming that they like horribly-written “tits and gore” scripts, anyway.
Whatever happened to Newt’s fucking…what’s that shitty movie that he plagiarised verbatim? Plan 9 from Outer Space. He was going to do a puppet version. He had a guy make the puppets and everything. And then…it’s just gone like all of his other projects. It was way too ambitious for Newt. What the fuck does he know about working with puppets? He’s Jim Henson all of a sudden?
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Newt Wallen is Still a Giant Asshole
I thought that I’d give a Newt update.
So we’ve got an IDEA from the Ideas Man. Go to a restaurant. Or multiple restaurants, apparently. Order some food. Say that it’s your dog’s favourite meal and that you have to put him down tomorrow. And then…maybe you’ll get some free stuff. Then eat in the car.
There are a few holes in this plan but let’s start with the basis premise. Who feeds their dog food from a restaurant? “I’d like the Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity for my dog, please.” Nobody does this. And if there was somebody who did this, the employee would surely know who you are because everybody would say, “There’s that crazy man who orders food for his dog” every time you enter the restaurant.
Now let’s look at the payoff. When I originally read this, I thought that he was angling for a free meal. No. He just wants free…spring rolls or something. A two dollar value. So you’re going to order a $20 meal, embarrass yourself by saying that it’s for your pet, in the HOPE of getting a cheap item thrown in for free. Whether you’re successful or not, you’re out twenty bucks.
None of this makes sense. But it’s giant scumbag behaviour. BAFFLING giant scumbag behaviour. Even the retards in the comments tell him not to do it.
- “please don’t actually do that.”
Newt is the worst person I’ve ever known and I’m beginning to understand why. He actually puts work into it. This doesn’t come naturally. He sits down and PLANS it. “How can I be bigger asshole today than I was yesterday? Oh, I know…what if I went to a restaurant and…”
And the ideas are all stupid. Because he’s stupid. But this is all the result of effort. The effort of a retarded man.
Here’s another scheme to be a giant asshole. He’s been bragging about this nude scene he’s apparently going to do for some homosexual zero budget “movie.” He’s got his diet and exercise plan all worked out. He’s not ACTUALLY dieting and exercising, but he has the plan.
Newt, this isn’t challenging. Eat less. That’s it. You’re done.
And he needs more than six months for this. He had some kimono video where he inexplicably flashed the camera and he needs to lose A LOT of weight.
He should be exercising with PVC Bondage Guy. She was in a video recently and she doesn’t seem to be getting any slimmer. She’s been “bulking” forever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWMrvNQO_6c
I won’t embed it because Newt has a disgusting thumbnail. But he starts the video by saying that a recent video of his was removed.
“Our Barbarian video was flagged and taken down by Youtube because the people who are occasionally on this show that I used to be on flagged it as anti-trans hate speech, considering that my co-host is a transperson.”
He always trots this out. WHAT is “trans” about PVC Bondage Guy? She looks like a woman. She sounds like a woman. She dresses like a (crazy) woman. WHAT’S MASCULINE ABOUT HER?
I guarantee that if PVC Bondage Guy had surgery done or was taking testosterone or was even dressing like a guy, Newt would be out of there. But he constantly uses PVC Bondage Guy as a crutch for his idiotic “trans” half-jokes. “Hey, this crazy woman says that she’s a man so that gives me free reign to say whatever I want.” Youtube apparently disagrees.
How many of his videos have been taken down? I thought that Youtube was stricter than this. Three videos taken down in…a year or two and they take your channel down. I don’t advocate for people getting their channels taken down but in Newt’s case, I wouldn’t mind.
So let’s look up this so-called “novel” Bigboobenstein.
Apparently, there were a trilogy of “novels” plus some short stories, none of which anybody read.
He wrote his own “biography” section.
“Hi. I’m Jeff. On January 1st, 2013 I woke up and realized that the Mayan doomsday prophecy didn’t quite pan out. So with that clean slate and a new lease on life, I decided it was high time I scratch another item off the bucket list and self-publish a book. That book was The Halloween Orgy Massacre. Since then I’ve self-published like 30 books or something in a variety of genres, but my true love is schlocky horror full of gratuitous sex, sophomoric humor, and campy violence. Beyond the writing, I play bass and sing for a band called MEAT, and live in New Hampshire with my wife and our adorable cat Stella.”
I don’t even need to comment. The sadness is evident.
75 reviews.
- “I received a paperback version of the book from the author because he is awesome and I am fabulous. Ohhh, and for review purposes, of course.”
Is that what this is? These are all reviews from people who were given the book for free?
A lot of these reviews seem to be written in the same style as well.
Let’s check Goodreads.
Oh, some of the exact same reviews. I don’t know if they automatically include Amazon reviews or they’re just copy and pasting the reviews.
The author gives his “review” too.
This is not really a review of my own book. In fact, it’s not a review at all. What I’m doing is telling the story of how what I believe to be my greatest creation came to be.
Within weeks before the release of this book, my ex-wife and I visited a psychic in Salem, Massachusetts. This is something we have often done, merely for shits and giggles. We had visited several before, and we had walked away every time laughing at how absurdly -and obviously- phony they all were. But then there was this lady. She didn’t do any awful cold-reads. She didn’t say my dead grandfather whose first name begins with J was standing behind me. She cut right to the heart of the matter and told me of very specific illnesses suffered by very specific members of my family. For someone who knows nothing about me short of my name to say your “blank” suffers from “blank”, and to have the knowledge be accurate, is a tad chilling. After a few more equally chilling and frighteningly specific acts of what I guess I’d call clairvoyance, she told me not to stop writing because my next book, and her exact words were, would “be the one that does it for you.” And nearly two years later, she was right about that too. Yes, the sales have been modest by any standards. But it has sold more copies than all the rest of my eleven books combined, and somehow continues to garner interest, unlike the others which have either plateaued or merely become forgotten even to myself. Unfortunately she didn’t say it would blast me into super-stardom, or even afford me an early retirement from cutting meat, but her words have thus far held true.And it goes on. And on. And on. And then on some more. And then he continues. And then he has more stuff to say. And NONE of it is even REMOTELY interesting. But this guy LOVES his own shitty prose.
At least we know that none of this shit is selling. So why keep doing it? Why keep doing the same shit that nobody is buying? “Okay, my last 29 books that were ‘intentionally’ bad tits and gore shit didn’t do so well. So THIS time I’m going to…do the exact same thing.”
Why not try something different? Write a book about the singularity. A good one this time. Enough witht he “ironically” bad shit.
Because this is all that he can do. He knows that he can’t write so he writes “ironically” bad shit. And he gets NOTHING for his “efforts.”
He wrote this book in FOUR DAYS. I’m sure that it shows.
This is all the same exact formula that Newt has but about books instead of shitty “movies” that never go anywhere.
There aren’t any 1 star reviews so you know this is all made up bullshit. The only 2 star review is just some crazy guy’s rant against Trump.
Here’s the “star” of this movie that’s never going to get made.
A thoroughly unimpressive fat chick who in some of the pictures I thought, “Am I even looking at a woman here?”
It’s unbelievable. THIS woman wants you to pay for her OnlyFans.
And she has FOOD on her Amazon Wishlist. I’d like to see her go all out on this. Really own it. Instead of this dried fruit, just have cases of Fritos and tubs of Red Vines and beef jerky sold by the pound.
So we can all look forward to this big, fat chick and big, fat Newt naked in this horrible “movie” based on a horrible “book” that was written in four days. Who’s the market for any of this? There doesn’t seem to be one. These are strictly vanity projects where…I mean…even the author of the book says that he’s forgotten about a lot of his books. There are probably books that he’s “published” that literally nobody has read, NOT EVEN HIM. Complete waste of time.
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I’m Moving Closer To My Dreams… Literally – Bobdunga / Ray Mona
This is my second attempt at this video. I watched part of it over a week ago and…it’s brutal. Look at the thumbnail for an example. “I’m an ‘Artist’..?” Strap in for some pretense.
But it’s noteworthy because Bobdunga or whatever the fuck she’s calling herself now hasn’t uploaded a non-“here’s an update on my voice acting ambitions” video in nearly a year. She used to make videos about video games, right? When was the last time she did that? Five years ago. Then she got into her bizarre anime “documentary” phase where she would do “documentaries” about “lost” anime in an X-Files fashion where everybody was a shadowy government figure trying to stop Bobdunga from getting at the truth about…Gundham or whatever. And then it would turn out that the item was in the Library of Congress.
She hasn’t been doing that lately, though. She’s been focusing on her voice acting ambitions. So let’s…try to get through this.
By the way, views have…well, I was about to say “tanked” but looking more carefully, they were never good to begin with. 2,300 views on this video after a month.
0:15 – “As you notice, the lights are a little bit weird, I’m moving.”
Where to? And where from? And no, I didn’t notice the fucking lights. Why would that even indicate that you’re moving?
I thought that she already moved. I think that she moved, briefly, to live with some guy but that didn’t last long. Is she still in her mother’s house? I don’t know.
0:45 – “I was working through the video and honestly, I feel like I got to a point where I just didn’t feel like myself. I started going to therapy, not because I wasn’t feeling like myself. That actually came after or during. I started going back to therapy.”
Eugh. And on the screen, she wrote something about how she worded this badly. But what the fuck is this? She’s talking about how her anime “documentaries” broke her brain. Or something. I don’t know.
So she’s going to therapy to work on the “blocks” that she’s facing. Well, good for her. This is a woman who definitely needs therapy. A whole team of psychiatrists. So I’m not here to mock. You wouldn’t mock a sick person for going to the doctor. This is a mentally ill woman who needs help. I’m glad to see that she’s getting it.
2:30 – So she says that was focusing on “acting gigs” instead. And there’s footage of some commercial for CIBC. Whatever that is. Oh, a credit card in Canada. It has the MasterCard logo so this must be what they call MasterCard in Canada. Must have been some copyright problem.
Oh, here’s the full commercial.
Good for her. And CIBC is a bank. MasterCard is the company who the bank is…working with for this product. I don’t know how it works but sometimes your bank will give you like a Visa debit card and sometimes they’ll give you a MasterCard debit card. It’s just whoever the bank has a deal with at the time.
3:00 – So she’s been reading a book called The Artist’s Way. Eugh. Insufferable, Bobdunga. Nobody and I mean NOBODY wants to hear about your “craft.” This goes for all “creative” people. Keep it to yourself. Or at least within your circle of “creative” people. Don’t expect the general public to give the slightest of fucks about it.
And she puts a pretentious warning on the screen that’s so insufferable I can’t even bring myself to repeat it.
She’s talking about her “blocks” again…
4:00 – She says that her “documentaries” take three months and she doesn’t have a team to do it or the money so…she doesn’t want to do it. Fine. Don’t do it. It does seem like way too much effort for not payout.
5:00 – The next anime “documentary” will probably be her last because she has a big new idea that she wants to pursue instead but she won’t say what it is. Oh. It has to do with film analysis. That’s something that’s never been done before. Movie reviews, you say. Sounds interesting.
Speaking of which, I was looking at Horseface’s Twitter recently. She has got to be the most obnoxious, self-absorbed person I’ve ever seen. And it’s absolutely bizarre how determined she is to present herself as a hot chick and…I don’t think I’ve seen perception and reality this far apart in my life.
But she was on some Tony from Hack the Movies livestream recently. This one:
I don’t think a more detestable group of people has ever been assembled. Go to 1:51:00, for example, where they have the entire “panel” on screen. JoeyC is the guy in the top middle of the screen. He often appears on the show in drag. I don’t know who the guy next to him is but he’s probably a piece of shit given the company he keeps. Same deal with the guy in the lower left. I’ve seen him before and he seems okay but…he can’t be. It’s impossible. Not for anybody associating with these people.
Then you have Mint Salad and her pimp in the middle bottom. In case anybody thinks I’m being hyperbolic, no. That’s her pimp. Mint Salad has sex for money. Including with Tony from Hack the Movies. I don’t want to just throw this out there because I don’t remember the details but I vaguely remember something about Mint Salad doing a video shortly after getting peed on and Tony was involved. It was bad enough for me to remove Tony from the banner and never talk about him again.
Finally, we have Horseface in the bottom right and…what can I say about Horseface that I haven’t said a hundred times already? Newt is probably the worst person I’ve ever known. Crystal “Horseface” Quin is number two.
It’s mind-boggling how people this horrible are having ANYBODY watch their videos. That whole Screenwave crew…it’s as though being a scumbag is required to work there. How is even possible that this many total pieces of shit live in the same area? And they all congregate to the same employer? Is there something about video editing that attracts scumbags? I don’t get it.
That chubby Asian woman was an exception, though. She was great. Does she still work there? Presumably not. She was a bad fit for the company. Well-spoken, erudite, and an Asian chubby-chaser’s feast for the eyes.
Anyway, back to Bobdunga.
5:15 – “I want to be a filmmaker and screenwriter.”
Oh sure. There’s an occupation that’s notoriously easy to get into. And you’re so talented, Bobdunga. That script you wrote for…some Sailor Moon “documentary” brought a tear to my eye.
I was reading an AMA on a guy who wrote for Mr Belvedere recently. As here:
You can see from his responses that his writing and his wit are significantly above the average person’s.
He went to Wesleyan University, which is a respectably ranked, private university, and then he went to UCLA Film School, which might be the only semi-legitimate film school on earth.
I don’t know Bobdunga’s educational attainment but I’m assuming that it’s quite a ways off from this.
Also, Jay Abamowitz is Jewish which no doubt played a large role in him securing these jobs.
Nevertheless, even with all of these advantages: the good education, the ability, the Jewishness, the only jobs he was able to get was for Mr Belvedere and the like. And his career in television was fairly short.
He was competing with people who went to Harvard. People with better connections than even he has. People who were more talented. People who were more Jewish. These are the people who are writing all of this shit. Look at any major show on television and they’re all written by Harvard graduates.
But you still get cretins like Bobduna or Newt Wallen, Newt who can’t even fucking spell and all of his ideas are the same and it’s a shit idea, who think, “Oh, I can do this too. What do these Harvard eggheads have that I don’t?”
Talent. Connections. Money. Education. Jewishness. It’s preposterous that Bobdunga, a Canadian woman with a mountain of mental health problems, with a modest education at best, who makes shitty Youtube videos, thinks that she can overcome this.
If Bobdunga or Newt had genuine talent, I’d say go for it. I’m sure that there’s SOMETHING that you can do if you have talent. Sure, the Hollywood blockbusters are sewn up by the Chosen People but I’m sure there’s some low-level crap that you can do. But these people don’t have a shred of talent. They shouldn’t even be writing their own shitty Youtube videos.
5:30 – “Before I was a Youtuber, I was a visual artist.”
Oh, I definitely didn’t get this far in the video my first time around. She shows drawings and paintings that she made.
“I was self-taught.”
Yeah. It shows. I’m not saying that these are bad but this is the work of an amateur. It’s a hobby. A professional would get the body proportions right. They’d know how to draw hands. Shit like this.
8:00 – Then she just launches into a long ad. What the fuck? She’s put an ad in a “Here’s what I’m doing nowadays” video? It’s for furniture, by the way.
10:00 – She’s talking about her mental health again and one of the things that apparently is helping is…improv classes. Eugh.
Think of how awful an improv would be at the best of times. Full of fucking pretentious douchebags emoting. Then add crazy Bobdunga to the mix.
Actually, would she be any worse than the rest of those clowns? She seems to think that she fit in. And she probably did.
12:30 – “I finished my first screenplay. It was like 114 pages.”
I don’t think that the page count matters so much, as long as it’s over, whatever, 90 for a film. It’s the content that’s important. Anybody can write 114 pages. Newt churns that shit out in a day. And it’s truly shit.
How many words am I at? 1693. What’s the minimum length for a short story? 1,000.
So I just wrote a short story. Is it good? No. Let’s review my own article. I’m always tearing down these shitty “Youtubers”, let’s see how I like it when I review my own shitty work.
Well, first, the subject is terrible. Bobdunga? Really? Nobody cares about Bobdunga. You better really have something interesting to say about Bobdunga if you’re going to pull this one off. And I don’t think you’ve done that.
I talk about her viewcount but don’t discuss whether 2,300 is good or bad for Bobdunga. Way to research, asshole.
Talking about Bobdunga’s mental health problems and I trot out the “team of psychiatrists” half-joke. How many times have I used that one?
Then I move on to this commercial, which I think was the most interesting thing that Bobdunga talked about in the video and that should have been a springboard for me to say something interesting. But…what could I really have said? Even if I researched the bank, that wouldn’t yield anything interesting, surely. I could have looked up how voice actors get paid for a commercial, I guess, but that would have been highly speculative.
Then a completely irrelevant, long tangent on Horseface and Screenwave that goes nowhere.
I talk about that Reddit AMA but it comes off more anti-semitic than I would have liked and with no payoff. The Jewish references weren’t funny. And what’s my overall lesson in any of that? That you need to go to Harvard and be Jewish to write in Hollywood? It’s largely true but I don’t think that Bobdunga or Newt are looking to get a job on the Simpsons or the next Marvel movie. I assume that they’re looking at really, really, REALLY indie shit. Certainly, that’s what Newt is doing. And he’s shit at it. Even at that level.
Then I talk about her art. What do I know about art? Yeah, the body proportions and the hands didn’t look right and some art classes might help but she’s just doing this for some extra money.
And then I started the review of my own article which competely destroyed the already low-readability of the article.
13:30 – She’s working on a comic book based on her first screenplay. Come on. Let’s get it together. Big finish. We can both pull this off, Bobdunga. Just give me something to work with.
She’s making a comic based on her screenplay. Just like Newt did. So…maybe Newt can help publish it. Tell her what branch of Kinko’s he uses.
What? Kinko’s doesn’t exist any more? Not since 2008, apparently.
“Raven, you already know how to draw.”
I was just coming to that point. It’s true. Bobdunga making a comic makes much more sense than Newt doing it. Because she can draw it herself. Newt is outsourcing the work to some guy in Brazil or something, who I think at some point was holding the work hostage over some dispute.
“I’m hoping to have it out in the next few months.”
That seems ambitious, certainly by Newt’s standards. Newt’s been promising this comic WHICH IS APPARENTLY FINISHED for YEARS. I’m thinking at least five years.
But can you really get a comic done and published in a few months? Even professionals with full teams and money and know-how get delayed by months.
And what does Bobdunga know about publishing a comic? Is it just going to be some print-on-demand Amazon thing? Something like this I think you would want to take some care with. Make sure you get the right quality paper and a reputable printing company who knows what they’re doing. And that’s not going to be cheap. They’re going to require a certain minimum order. You’re going to end up with boxes of comics cluttering up your home that might never get sold. Then what’s that doing for your mental health?
14:00 – “It’s festive and spooky.”
What? This better not be another Christmas comic. Newt already has Florida Man Saves Christmas locked up.
And who the fuck WANTS a Christmas comic? You’re limiting the appeal of your comic to, at best, one month out of the year.
So that’s the video. Comments are all trash.
A spooky comic. Is this what people want? I can’t even think of any spooky comics that I’ve read. The House of Mystery, that old DC comic? Was that horror-themed? Or at least suspense? Yeah.
I enjoyed The Nam but I don’t remember anything about it. I just had a bunch of them. Some mail-based company was selling just loads of them in like a grab bag for cheap. So I got like 50 of them for probably $50. There were duplicates but no more than a duplicate of three and I got a pretty good run of the comic.
Christmas comics…I think I had one of the Alf Christmas comics. Remember Alf? He’s back. In comic form. Actually, I’m pretty sure that the comic ran concurrently to the tv show.
It surely wasn’t about Alf in the Tanner home, though, was it? How boring would that have been? Maybe it’s a prequel about his life on Melmac, like the cartoon was. Or maybe he’s just fighting ninjas or something for some reason.
I’m looking at the covers and a lot of them do seem to feature the Tanners, albeit with wacky hijinks the likes of which one wouldn’t find on the tv show (e.g. Alf gets an elephant).
Newt should rip Alf off for his comic. You think Paul Fusco is going to sue him? Cerebus never got sued, after all.
Wow. Cerebus ended in 2004 and the last incarnation of the comic book was full of the writer’s bizarre hybrid religious beliefs. I can’t imagine why that didn’t resonate with audiences.
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Newt’s Racist Death Toll Omission – Malcolm-Jamal Warner
Newt will re-tweet the death of every celebrity, including bizarre choices like Angela Landsbury and Arleen Sorkin. But he neglected to mention Malcolm-Jamal Warner? Somebody who died in a tragic accident at a somewhat young age? A star on the biggest show of the 1980s? This was Newt’s era.
Instead, he tweets about that prostitute “friend” of his whose name I can’t even remember. Not even any fake name that I might have given her.
Is she eating a BLT? Way to splash out, Newt. He’s really at the bottom level of the prostitute hierarchy.
So Fart91 leaves a message saying, “Your movies suck.” I found this the most puzzling of it all. WHAT movies? I’m only aware of Swamp Zombies 2 and I’ve never even really figured out what his involvement was in that.
Why no Malcolm-Jamal Warner death tweet? Presumably racism. Newt enjoys talking about how awful white people are but there never seems to be a homey anywhere near him. You’re telling me that there aren’t any black prostitutes in “cosmopolitan” Philadelphia. The place is surely teeming with sexy sisters who will accept money in exchange for companionship. Put them in a video.
And there’s another connection. Bill Cosby, perhaps the second most famous Philadelphia native. Wait…Benjamin Franklin was born in Boston? Okay, then Cosby is the most famous Philadelphian.
Malcolm-Jamal Warner was from…New Jersey. The Ideas Man is from New Jersey. This is fucking disgusting. Surely, Newt knew about the death. Why no tweet?
He didn’t tweet about Hulk Hogan’s death presumably because of Hogan’s history of racist comments. But…Newt seems to share Hogan’s views. Newt says one thing but then behaves in a totally contrary way.
With the death of Malcolm-Jamal Warner, we’ll never know what, “Jamming on the one” meant.
Maybe the greatest mystery from the show. Stevie Wonder (close personal friends with Cliff Huxtable, I guess) asks Theo, “What would you say at a party?” Theo then says, “Jamming on the one.”
Now, I’m not saying that I’m the biggest party animal by any means. But I have never heard this phrase before or since in any context, before or after this episode was aired. Why would anybody say that at a party? You walk in, there’s music playing, beers are being consumed, and you says, “Hey, everybody. Jamming on the one”? It doesn’t make any sense.
And what about this?
Denise was taking some pottery class with her mother. Clair’s pot was all bent up and shit. So what does Denise say? “I figured out what that thing is. It’s a used teabag holder.”
How is a bent up pot particularly suitable for used tea bags? Was this an ad-lib? I don’t think so because they continue to talk about the used teabag thing and it seems scripted.
And then you get to Theo and Cockroach’s rap…holy shit. Cliff is unhappy with their initial rap (which isn’t included in this clip) and tells them to rewrite it. Three minutes later, they come back with…this.
One of the comments says, “Yep, sounds like they wrote that in 3 minutes….. It’s crap.”
And what about that episode where Cliff just kept saying “callaloo” like 150 times?
He says it repeatedly throughout the episode.
And what about that episode where Clair does that annoying song with her former classmate about Mr…somebody and it goes on for like five minutes?
And for that matter, fuck all of those episodes where there’s an extended musical performance.
How was this show popular? So much of it didn’t make sense. There was barely a narrative in some of the episodes.
Oh, and then there was that episode where Cliff gives birth to a sandwich. I have to look this up or else people will think I’m making this up.
I can only find a version where somebody adds their nerd “comedy” to it but there it is.
This was the number one show in America for like seven years. Let me look this up.
Five years. Seasons two through six. This complete nonsense. Although, surely this pregnancy episode was from a later season. Well, it was season six. The final season when they were number one.
Anyway, it’s a shame about Malcolm-Jamal Warner. The character was loosely based on Bill Cosby’s own son, who died, whatever, 30 years ago. And Cosby gave an interview after the death of Malcolm-Jamal Warner saying that it was like losing his son again.
But the Ideas Man? Can’t even pretend to care. Sorry, Malcolm, you were born the wrong colour to get a death re-tweet by Newt.
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Erin’s Parents Died
Like…YEARS ago. Never mentioned it. But then her DOG died yesterday, and this all came out.
How fucking insane is this? “My dog died. He’s was where my heart is. Oh, by the way, my parents are long dead too.”
I guess I can understand not talking about. Maybe? I had a similar situation a few months ago and I didn’t talk about it. But Erin is a big time celebrity. The horntards want to know. And it would have helped to put SOMETHING about her life on her Twitter or whatever, which is something I’ve talked about many times. Her Twitter is BORING AS FUCK because she never talks about anything even REMOTELY personal. It’s always just advertising her shitty videos and streams and comment-free re-tweeting of “cute” shit that she doesn’t care about.
And she always uses that fucking “I was out of town” comment when she talks about going to California. And it’s always after she’s returned. What is she so concerned about? People are going to ransack the Matei mansion when they’re out?
I can only be somewhat sympathetic. I mean, look at the way she responded. They’ve been dead for years. And from everything I’ve gathered about her parents, from the scant information we’ve been given, they did absolutely nothing with Erin. She stared at a wall her entire childhood. Look at how she turned out. No interests, no hobbies, unable to hold any semblance of a conversation.
But in some small way, as we’ve seen here, having shitty parents is a gift. When they die, you don’t give a shit. When my father died, I was a kid and I cried for months. It was devastating. It changed my life. I suddenly started doing poorly in school. Shit like this.
When my mother died, I didn’t shed one tear. I got a phone call from my weepy sister weeks later. “We couldn’t get in touch with you. There was a funeral.” I was sympathetic. My sister was obviously broken up. But as for me, I couldn’t give less than a fuck. Terrible old woman dies. Okay, let’s move on. It was a relief, frankly. I don’t have to endure her phone calls any more.
Part of it has to do with when the person dies in relation to your own life. All things being equal, parents dying when you’re a child should have more of an effect than parents dying when you’re middle aged. But also, when you have lousy parents, as I did (at least as far as my mother), and I suspect Erin did, it’s pretty easy to get over it. If my mother died as a kid, I don’t think that I’d be too crushed. “Who’s going to not-help me with my homework, not-cook, and not give a fuck about me now? Who’s going to sit on the sofa watching trash talk shows all day?”
So you see the way Erin handled it. She only brought them up in relation to her DOG. The ultimate “fuck you” to her parents. She places them below her dog.
It’s a sad situation and I’ve always been sympathetic to Erin’s tragic upbringing. Those parents created a monster in Erin. Somebody who uses people (Mike Matei, her retarded viewers), somebody who’s incapable of developing interests in anything, somebody who can’t communicate. She’s some sort of a sociopath who doesn’t care about anyone or anything. I don’t think that she was born that way, that’s the result of shitty parenting.
So she gets a bunch of replies. Generally, unlesss you have a Youtube channel, Erin isn’t responding back.
Look at this response from Justin Silverman.
- “Big fan of Pickles. Sorry for your loss.”
Doesn’t even mention her parents. I don’t think that it’s because he’s a giant asshole, I think it’s because he knows that Erin’s parents were lousy.
Oh, look at this. Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen replied. Of course he did. He can’t resist the death posts. I wonder if he’s going to tweet about Erin’s parents and/or the dog later. He says, “Deepest condolences.”
GREAT STUFF, NEWT. Really heartfelt. What a piece of shit. Speaking of people who nobody will give a shit when they die, Newt Wallen.
But I mentioned in passing in a recent article that I believe that ShiShi is no longer with us. He hasn’t been seen on Twitter or any of his shit since February. He hasn’t posted.
I’ll tell you who else is conspicuous by his absence, JOHN RIGGS. What the fuck? He should have been the first to post. Trying to get into Erin’s pants when she’s all broken up about her dead dog.
Oh and Joe from GameSack, same motivation.
Well, it’s still early, I guess. She only posted this six hours ago. And it’s…well, it would have been like 9:00 pm her time so…like 6:00 pm Joe from GameSack’s time, maybe, and 5:00 pm JOHN RIGGS’ time. So they should have been up and on Twitter, trolling for booty. Although, JOHN RIGGS might still be in Brazil or in transit.
Erin should be in for a windfall, though. What kind of place do you suppose her parents had? They lived in Los Angeles. I assume that they had their own place. Even if it’s something modest, it should be worth a tidy sum. And nobody to split the inheritance with.
What did her father and/or mother do for a living? I’ve never heard her say anything about it. It couldn’t have been too lucrative. Her stories are never anything extravagent and she got a degree in English which is hardly prestigeous. Probably went to a state college.
Maybe Erin can start pulling her weight with Mike now in terms of supporting herself. Maybe it will be Mike leeching off of Erin for a change. That would be a delicious irony. Mike using Erin for money. And Erin is dumb as shit so she doesn’t know how to handle her money. And Mike has a history of manipulating retards for financial gain (e.g. James Rolfe).
Anyway, rest in peace to Pickles. No more pain for that little guy. He’s up there in Doggie Heaven living it up.
And as for Erin’s parents…it seems that she deems them unworthy of a mention. She knows them better than I do. So enjoy the money, Erin.
Or maybe Erin’s parents left all the money to charity.