COTTON Reboot on Switch! – Erin Plays

So I’m watching this and Erin is saying her usual stupid shit: “I put it on easy mode”, “I forgot about (whatever)”, “Isn’t she cute” and so on.  But…I can’t even bring myself to write about this now that I know that she’s only making $6,900/year on this shit.

She mentions that she just filmed some Halloween videos.  I just keep thinking, “What’s the point?” 

I don’t know why I should feel any different.  It’s actually MORE money than I thought that she was making.  But now that I know how much she’s getting from this shit, it just seems different to me.  It seems more real and more futile.  And it was already really futile.  

Why would she possibly continue this?  Week after week she’s there making a total ass of herself, playing games that she hates, for perverted retards who she can’t stand, and getting fucked in the ass by some loser who she doesn’t love.  For less than $10,000/year.  Across all platforms.  That’s her entire income.  Less than $10,000/year.  

And she’s talking about how excited she is to be making Halloween videos.  I think that I’m more depressed about Erin’s life than she is.  Maybe I’m going to start sleeping all day and crying in the bathtub too.  

Why doesn’t she just quit and go home?  I’ve quit jobs over WAY less than this.  If anyone started fucking me in the ass at some $10,000/year job, I would be out of there before he could even unzip his pants.  It doesn’t make any sense.  $10,000/year?  Are you insane?  Plus the humiliation of these videos.  It just blows my mind.

And she’s not even interested in this shit.  This is the world’s most ill-conceived scam.  Why doesn’t she just give up?  Why throw your life away like this?

2:00 – Fruit bats are cute.  I want a fruit bat.  They’re like flying puppies.

Forgive the paraphrasing.  I just can’t do it.  I can’t listen to this again.  It’s depressing as fuck.  And baffling.  Does she think that this is going to be a success?  We’re coming up on the five year anniversary of the Erin Plays Youtube channel.  Has it been a success so far?  When is this going to take off?  When is the world going to be ready for a fake 35 year old gamer grrl with zero charisma who doesn’t have a single interesting thing to say about anything?

She’s playing this fucking shooter, it’s a “cute-em-up”, and…why?  The whole thing puzzles me.  Why would somebody do this for five years?  Why would somebody do this at all?

A lot of people start Youtube channels that are much better than Erin’s but they give up within a year.  Nobody is watching the videos and they get discouraged.  

Why didn’t Erin do that?  Why did Erin persist with these god awful videos?  It’s ridiculously obvious that she has no interest in video games.  The scam is entirely transparent.  Why was she so convinced that this would work?  Even five years later, with no success to be found, she still apparently thinks that it’s going to work.  She hasn’t changed ANYTHING.  She’s sticking with the “make idiotic comments that nobody gives a shit about” formula.

3:00 – She said the word “forgot” about three times in 30 seconds.  She “forgot” everything about this game.

$10,000/year.  She’s pulling a scam for $10,000/year.  This is the most low-stakes scam of all time.  

4:30 – A horntard asks if Erin has a discord.  Erin says that she doesn’t but plans on getting one soon.  

Why?  Why any of this?  

“I don’t know if I would call it a cute-em-up.  I mean, I guess it is but not as much as Harmful Park or Parodius.”

She mentions the same two games over and over and over again.  Two games that she played ONE time.  On stream, for money.  

And she’s not sure if this game is cute enough to be considered a “cute-em-up”.

It’s so fucking stupid.  This is unwatchable.  

She said that she played this before.  In her spare time.  But she knows NOTHING about the game.  Why does this keep happening?  She says that she’s played a game and then she demonstrates a total lack of knowledge about ANYTHING in regards to the game.  

Everything is a lie.  It’s all a lie to scam retards out of $10,000/year.  Plus the buttsex.  Plus the embarrassment.  

8:15 – A cute sprite in the game reminds Erin of a “squishmallow” that she wants.  Or something.  

You can get all of this stuff, Erin, if you just get a fucking job.  Any job will pay more than $10,000/year.  Don’t you get it?  

Think about all that she did to get $10,000/year.  She moved across country over this, to live with a man she doesn’t love, or even like.  There’s all the buttsex.  She’s making all of these horrendous videos.  

Instead of doing that, she could have just walked down the street to the nearest Burger King and landed a job making $26,000/year.  No buttsex.  Humiliation is limited to the local level.

She planned an elaborate heist to get PEANUTS.  I’ll never understand this.

It’s like one of those Rube Goldberg machines and then at the end a giant hand comes down and presses the lever on the toaster.  Why go through all of that?  Why make the bowling ball drop on to the fishbowl which causes the fish to…just press the fucking lever on the toaster yourself.  This isn’t challenging stuff.  Why make things harder than they need to be?

People have said, “She’s doing it for the fame.”  What fame?  ShiShi and a handful of other mental defectives?  A few hate-watchers on Reddit?  The Gamer Grrls massive?  

9:30 – “I’m having a great time right now.  I hope you guys are enjoying this.”

No.  And what’s the point of any of this?  Why does she care who’s enjoying what?  This is such a terrible video, as usual.  And for ten thousand bucks a year.  

9:45 – “Hey Sergio.  I’m good.  How are you.”

And then Sergio is there asking Erin how she’s doing for probably the thousandth time.  And for the thousandth time, Erin gives the exact same boring as fuck answer.

This can all end tomorrow.  All Erin has to do is decide to start living.  Fuck this ridiculous scam for $10,000/year and fill out some job applications.  It’s all online.  She doesn’t even have to leave Mike’s house.  They don’t take that long to do.

I understand pulling heists to rob a bank or make a big drug score or whatever.  Erin is pulling an elaborate heist to steal a cupcake.  Why?  Just buy the fucking cupcake.  It’s fifty cents.  

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