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Cassandra McKenna is Back to Making Video Game Content
https://www.youtube.com/c/CassandraMcKenna/videos
No more roller skating. Too cold for that. Maybe ice skating can be next.
Let’s see. Which 90 second video should we start with? How about this one:
The Last Campfire – Nintendo Switch – First Time Playing – Video Game Review – Short Video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmksJAlLECk
It was just a boring review.
Well, I’m not deterred.
Wait a minute. I’m looking at these thumbnails and I see what the problem is with these new videos. She doesn’t appear in any of them. Voice only. HornyGoriya style.
How are we supposed to jerk off to this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoreD-n6G3M
Here’s one where she just recorded footage of her playing Pac-Man 99 for four minutes. Not even a voiceover. And for some reason, the title includes one of Erin’s favourite games: WANPAKU GRAFFITI but there’s no such footage in this video. I don’t know why it says that.
Fuck. This is boring. Let me check out her Twitter.
https://twitter.com/RetroUnderrated
It’s mostly video game shit and re-tweets of stuff that apparently makes her *nostalgic*. But here are some cookies that her father baked for her:
https://twitter.com/RetroUnderrated/status/1459352493704499202
Good for him. They look like just stuff you get from a tube, though. That Pillsbury cookie dough.
I don’t know if it’s a generational thing or maybe I just appreciate the finer things in life now but I was talking to my mother a while ago about some brownies that I made. And I didn’t make them from a box, this was all from scratch. She tried to argue that box-made brownies are labour-intensive too because you need to add eggs and maybe something else but when I gave the list of ingredients that I used for these brownies, she conceded that it’s much more work.
It’s the same with chili. She always used that pre-mixed spice whereas I use individual spices to get the right flavour.
It was the same when I was a kid. She was a lazy cook. And just lazy generally.
What was she doing that was so time-consuming? She didn’t have a job.
I have a job, albeit, effectively part-time, and I have nothing but time on my hands.
I know that back then there wasn’t the internet but there were fucking cook books. And she had them. She had plenty of cook books. There’s no excuse for this. Looking up a recipe on the internet and following the directions is no more or less difficult than doing so with a cook book.
I remember as a kid, I had a friend and we always had to be quiet in their house because their mother was sleeping. It wasn’t until years later when I realised why this was. This woman was deeply depressed.
I understand that you’re living in a shitty town and you have a shitty job and your husband left you but you have children to raise. Get it together. Homecooked meals every day. It’s not difficult.
Why did I eat so many of these shitty TV Dinners? That shit is inedible. And when I would raise my complaints, “Why are we eating this stuff? Are we poor?” my mother would say, “No. These are expensive.”
She was right. This wasn’t about saving money. This was about her being lazy and not wanting to cook. For what she spent on these TV Dinners, we could have had a decent homecooked meal.
It’s not even difficult. Take these brownies, for example. It’s like 30 minutes of prep time. You put all of the shit in the bowl, you mix it, you pour it into a pan, and then you put it in the oven. That’s it.
And I don’t even have any tools to make this easier like an electric mixer or anything. I just have a wooden spoon. That’s all you need. My mother had all of the tools and she still didn’t cook.
She sat there and watched trash talk shows for 10 hours a day. This was her “job”. Joan Rivers would have the “Club Kids” on. Paul the Pee Drinker (the name of a real Club Kid) and his friends. This was her idea of parenting.
It boggles the mind. It’s these lazy fucking hippies. “Oh waaah. I’m depressed. I’m going to do nothing for the next 40 years.” And then she wonders why I don’t call.
So that was Cassandra McKenna and her lazy as fuck videos. Go get a job, Cassandra. And experience the joy of cooking, if you haven’t already. What about a cooking channel? Try that next. Roller skating and video games don’t seem to be working.
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My Handheld Collection! Game Boy, GBA, Nintendo DS, Sega Game Gear and More! – Erin Plays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxw5_QCkQy4
0:15 – “So starting off, we have my yellow Game Boy Pocket. This was the first Game Boy I’ve ever owned and it’s yellow.”
This is awful. Is it yellow, Erin? Tell us what colour it is another six times.
What can anyone even say about this shit? Even if they’re actually interested in video games?
I had an original Game Boy. If I was doing a video, god forbid, I would say, “Here’s the Game Boy I had a kid. The screen cover has come off and I don’t know if it even works any more but I used to play this a lot back in the day. I also had a magnifying glass that connected to it. ‘Light Boy’, I think it was called.”
That’s it. And that’s from somebody who actually has a passing interest in video games and has played the fucking thing before. That’s boring. So there’s absolutely nothing that anyone can say about these things. That’s why Erin is just repeatedly talking about hues. Just don’t make the video, Erin. Do something else with your life. Something of value.
“I remember, like, having trouble deciding which one I wanted and my mom was like, ‘Well, what colour do you want?’”
This is brutal.
0:45 – “I played a lot of Tetris on this thing.”
Didn’t she do a video on Tetris99 or whatever? Let me check the archives.
If she did, I didn’t write an article on it. There’s nothing even in my personal archive. I don’t remember writing such an article but I’m pretty sure that she played the game at some point, on stream, for money. Maybe she didn’t upload the video because her gameplay was so bad.
1:15 – She’s showing the original Game Boy. “This is, like, the beginning of Erin being neurotic for having the thing that came first.”
She keeps repeating this boring narrative. Even if it’s true, which it isn’t, get over it.
1:30 – “I finally came to terms that I liked this one better because it was yellow and it was mine.”
Was it yellow, Erin? Tell us about the colour some more. Yellow, right? Have I misunderstood? I think that it’s yellow.
I have no idea why somebody would have two Game Boys, by the way. Especially somebody with ZERO INTERST in video games. She says that she had Tetris, Super Mario Land, and Super Mario Land 3. That’s it. Two Game Boys for her three games.
1:45 – She has a Game Boy printer. Why?
Oh. She says that she took pictures of her grandmother and her dog and would print them out. Then she talks about Chuck E Cheese. Hey guys! Remember Chuck E Cheese? No, Erin. I don’t give a fuck about Chuck E Cheese and I’ve never been there. In any event, I’m a man in my 40s and I’m living in 2021. I don’t fucking care about your stupid pizza *nostalgia*.
2:15 – “Next up, we have a Game Boy Color.”
It’s also yellow. PLEASE tell me that she’s going to mention that it’s yellow. I can’t fucking wait.
“My childhood Game Boy Color was the purple one.”
Right…but this is yellow. Just say the word “yellow”, Erin. I’m about to cum. Hue talk is my thing.
The purple Game Boy is at her parents’ house for whatever reason.
2:30 – “I just think it’s really cute.”
Great. But what COLOUR is it, Erin?
3:00 – She claims to have played Super Mario Bros Deluxe and Tetris DX “a lot”.
Wow, you played so many games, Erin. Mario and Tetris. That’s literally it. Even by her own totally fictitious story, she only played Mario and Tetris.
AND SHE DIDN’T MENTION THE FUCKING COLOUR!
3:30 – She has a Game Boy…something. I don’t even know. I don’t give a fuck about the different Game Boys. I had the original Game Boy and then many years later, I got a DS.
Anyway, this thing that she’s showing is red. PLEASE tell us that it’s red.
3:45 – She says that she played New Yoshi’s Island. This thing also came with Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga, which she claims to have played “a lot.” Sure you have, Erin.
4:00 – “During high school, I didn’t have the Game Cube. I kind of skipped over that because I was just really busy with school and music lessons and stuff.”
Plus, you had absolutely zero interest in video games.
What was I doing in high school? Well, I was also going to class. And I had extracurricular lessons. I didn’t do much, but I think that I was at least as busy as Erin because Erin never did jack shit.
But you know what else I was doing? Playing video games. I found time for them. When I started the ninth grade, I didn’t suddenly say, “Okay, no time for this video game bullshit any more. I have to focus on my studies. This is the big time. High school.” No, I still played games.
Indeed, adolescence is probably the time when people play video games the most. But not Erin. Erin just eschewed video games during high school. And then she took up the hobby again as a 29 year old woman when she started a Youtube channel about video games.
4:30 – “Now I’m going to go back and play the Castlevania games for this.”
Why now? Why only on stream, for money? What took you so long? Why the sudden interest?
“I didn’t play the Castlevania games growing up.”
Yeah. I get that. But what about when you were an adult, say, in your early 20s, and and emulation was popular? Why didn’t you fire up some Castlevania Game Boy games then?
Or why at no time since starting your channel did you decide, IN YOUR FREE TIME, to play this Castlevania Game Boy game? It’s been five years. Why now?
4:45 – Nintendo DS. It’s pink and has glitter or something all over it. Because she’s a girl!
“Of course, I had to get it in pink. Normally, I like hot pink or neon pink but, you know, this is pale pink and this is as good as you could get.”
Tell us more about the different shades of pink, Erin. This is just so riveting.
5:15 – “I have so many good memories about this thing.”
Here was go. Strap in, boys. Erin is going to tell us some really interesting stories about games that she ACTUALLY PLAYED.
The Legendary Starfy. Crosswords. “It was called something. Crosswords something. I’ll have to look it up.” Cooking Mama. New Super Mario Bros.
Oh fuck. She’s just going through this EverDrive sort of thing and saying the names of games. This is boring. And she never played any of this shit.
6:30 – “Oh my god. Rhythmn Heaven was great. Do you remember the commercial where they had Beyonce playing on it?”
No. And I don’t give a fuck. But then she shows a clip from the commercial. And I’m pretty sure that Erin has told this story, shit as it is, before.
Then, after she calls The Legandary Starfy “The Legend of Starfy”, she says, “I should do a video on that.”
What about playing it in your spare time, Erin? Do you think that you might enjoy that at all?
7:00 – “I’m never getting rid of this. So cute. Mine.”
She’s said that the console is “mine” at least once before in this video. It’s weird. Who else would it belong to?
7:00 – 3DS. It’s the same colour as the car that she got that year. Isn’t that interesting? Tell us more about hues, Erin.
“I thought that was cute.”
It is. So cute. Adorable.
“I was just really into the colour teal that year. I still am.”
This is fabulous. I’m loving every minute of this.
7:45 – Some Target Game Boy. She bought this after she started her channel. It was for some shit video that she did. Mike spent a small fortune on this shit.
“I had to pick this up because not only is it red, but it just straight up says ‘Target’”
Fascinating.
“I like accessories and game consoles and stuff that have that have, like, retail names on it.”
Such as? Give us some examples of this phenomena. I can’t think of one.
Oh, she mentions the Sears…something. Some ancient video game console. What else?
Nothing.
8:30 – Coca-Cola Game Gear. This is another thing that Mike bought for her, after she started the channel, of course. She did a video on this too. I think. Oh yeah. “In the past year, I did a full video on this.”
“I just really like the classic red look of it.”
This is awful.
9:00 – “I was such a Nintendo kid growing up that this didn’t even cross my mind.”
Yeah. You were a real hardcore Nintendo fan with your Super Mario and Tetris and Yoshi’s Island games.
9:15 – Nokia…whatever it is. She mispronounced Nokia but maybe that’s how it’s said in the US.
She never played this. Even by her own admission. It doesn’t even work.
9:45 – Nintendo DSi. “I really like this matte blue/teal kind of colour.”
Oh. Who cares? I don’t know. This isn’t kindergarten. We don’t need to hear about colours that you like. We don’t fucking care. Move on.
“I’ve never seen this exact colour on a Nintendo product before.”
Good stuff.
10:15 – Sega Genesis Nomad. Another thing that she got after she started the channel. I think that the DSi was also bought after she started the channel. This Nomad is mint, in box, as most of this recent stuff is. Mike went all out when buying these things. He spared no expense. And of course, Erin doesn’t play these things so they remain in mint condition.
It’s clear that she’s never played this before. Even by the stuff she’s saying. “I’m sure that it eats up batteries”, for example. She doesn’t know because she never played it before.
Then she reads the box. She’s totally out of ideas.
11:00 – “I’ve never experienced two player Sega Nomad before.”
Or one player. Who are you kidding? You didn’t even know the battery life situation. And this thing is in the fucking box, untouched.
11:45 – Then she mentions that she didn’t include her Tiger handhelds. Why would she? Who would include these as part of their “handheld collection”? Then she links to a video where she only talked about these Tiger handhelds. That video was awful. As was this one.
Let’s check in on the horntards.
– “Guys get yourself a woman who’ll take care of you the way Erin takes care of her yellow Gameboy Pocket.”
Keep it on a shelf and never touch it? That’s what you’re into?
– “I love you frfr lol”
– “How much do you think your whole collection cost you ?”
Ask Mike.
– “Target GBA. There should be a Wawa Playdate”
Speaking of which, that comment was from Mike. What does it mean? I have no fucking idea. But Erin replies, “It could have Wally goose on the box!” I don’t know what that means either. Must be a reference to something that she played recently, on stream, for money.
– “You must have been a very kind kid because Santa gave you all these great handhelds 😊. The sp matches your hair beautifuly, you should get that one backlit also and play the castlevanias on it instead of the switch.”
– “We need an Erin plays edition game boy released”
Yeah. A console that only turns on if you’re playing on stream, for money.
– “Did someone say handhelds?”
That bizarre and pointless comment was from Retro Ali. I have never seen her write anything even REMOTELY interesting. Or say anything even remotely interesting. She’s BORING AS FUCK and stupid as well.
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James Rolfe's 200th AVGN Episode Cake
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsD8kENmf8Q
This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen.
So in the above podcast, which was terrible and bizarre on many levels, Jimmy talks about how his wife got him a cake for the upcoming (as yet un-filmed or even written) AVGN episode.
Jimmy then proceeds to SHOW the cake. He actually brought the cake with him
Let’s look at the logistics of this. Jimmy lives, I don’t know, let’s say 30 minutes from Screenwave Media. That’s just a guess. I don’t know his commute time but I assume that it’s short, otherwise he wouldn’t have hired these people in the first place.
So Jimmy took this cake out of his home’s refrigerator, put it in his car, drove to Screenwave, maybe put it in the office refrigerator for a little while, and then took it out for the purposes of filming this video. Then he showed a completely disinterested Kieran and Justin this cake. Then he brought it back home with him. Here’s a screenshot that I’m plagiarising from Reddit:
I saw that thing and my immediate reaction was, “That is one sad-looking cake.”
As it turns out, this cake was purchased from a local grocery store called Wegmans. You can see the name of the store printed on the box. According to Wikipedia, there are 106 locations, mostly in the American Northeast.
So I looked it up. You can purchase this cake online here:
https://meals2go.com/catering/Cakes%20&%20Desserts
Choose “sheet cakes”.
You’re then presented with two options: 1/2 sheet or 1/4 sheet. This indicates the size of the cake that you want. Apparently, these are baked in large sheets and then divided for the consumers. Makes things more cost-efficient (cheaper) this way.
You’ll want to choose 1/4 sheet. Well, you personally may not but that’s what Mrs Rolfe chose and I’ll explain how I know this shortly.
Wait a minute. This says that a 1/4 sheet serves 15 to 18 people. Does that cake that Jimmy is holding look like it serves 15 to 18 people? There’s no way. Still, I’m pretty sure that it’s the 1/4 sheet, as I’ll explain.
Your next option is cake flavour. You have gold, chocolate, marble, or if you really can’t make up your mind, there’s 1/2 chocolate and 1/2 gold. No extra charge for any of these options. I don’t know what flavour Mrs Rolfe got. I’ll guess golden to make this as bland as possible.
The next option is frosting flavour. There’s white buttercreme, chocolate buttercreme, whipped cream, ultimate chocolate (+$6.00), and ultimate white (+$6.00). I suspect that Mrs Rolfe opted for the white buttercreme. The ultimate white looks similar but I really, really doubt that Mrs Rolfe wanted to spend the extra six bucks for that.
Next is filling. There are a lot of options here ranging for $5.00 for a custard filling all the way up to $16 for fresh raspberries in a clear glaze.
Or, you can opt for no filling, at no extra cost. I strongly suspect that that’s the option that Mrs Rolfe went with.
Then you get to choose your decoration. This is how I know the size of the cake. For the 1/4 sheet, you get 6 white chocolate balloons by default. That appears to be what the cake Jimmy is holding has. On bigger cakes, you get more balloons and on smaller cakes, you get fewer balloons.
I should mention that if you get the gluten-free cake, you can get a 1/8 size cake, whereas with the full-gluten cake, 1/4 is the smallest size possible. People on Reddit speculated that the cake that Jimmy received is sugar free and vegan but I don’t know where they got that information from. I’m not seeing an option for such a cake on here. Maybe they’re referring to the gluten-free cake.
Anyway, the six balloons are free. Who wants white chocolate, by the way? It’s disgusting. You just end up throwing that shit away.
Alternatively, you can get four roses. Mrs Rolfe obviously opted for the balloons.
You can put 10 balloons on the cake for an additional $4.00 or 8 roses for an additional $4.00. Mrs Rolfe just went with the free six balloons.
You can then choose up to three colours for these balloons. It appears that Mrs Rolfe chose red, yellow, and orange.
By the way, everything that I’ve chosen so far has been the default option. Even these balloon colors. You can choose from seven colours but red, yellow, and orange are the first three options. Does it just so happen that these are Jimmy’s favourite colours or was Mrs Rolfe so god damned lazy and disinterested that she just rushed through this shit and chose the default option for everything?
Next option is to add a photo or a theme. For ten bucks, you can upload a picture and put it on the cake. Wouldn’t it have been nice to put a picture of James as the Angry Video Game Nerd on the cake? Or maybe a comical poop emoji or something? James would love that second one, although the bakery might refuse to do it. Still, there’s no harm in trying.
No. Mrs Rolfe chose “none”.
Finally, you can choose a message. It can be up to 40 characters. So what did Mrs Rolfe go for? “200”.
She couldn’t be bothered to try to max out her character allotment? “Happy 200th Episode” would only be 17 characters. “Happy 200th AVGN Episode. Here’s to 200 More” would have fit. No. She chose “200”.
You can also choose the colour for this icing. Seven colours to choose from. Once again, Mrs Rolfe chose the default option, which was red.
The cost of this cake is $28.00.
The gluten-free option would be $37.00. So I strongly suspect that Mrs Rolfe went with the regular cake.
It is so unbelievably low effort. She went to the fucking grocery store, found the cheapest cake that they sell, chose all of the default options, and put the most generic message possible on there. Twenty-eight bucks. That’s what she thinks of Jimmy Rolfe.
And Jimmy brings this cake in like he’s proud of it. “Look at what my wife got for me!”
How awful must this man’s wife be that THIS is a gesture that he’s happy with? This cheap grocery store cake that had absolutely no thought put into it.
Couldn’t she have made him a cake? Couldn’t she have gone to a a bakery and got a nice cake? Couldn’t she simply have put the extra ten bucks down and uploaded a picture of her husband or the words AVGN or SOMETHING for this cake? Couldn’t she at the very least come up with a better word than “200”? IT’S FREE! YOU GET 40 FREE CHARACTERS! She didn’t even want to spend precious seconds coming up with a better phrase.
This is what Jimmy Rolfe has been doing for the past 15 years. This is what paid for the house. This is what keeps her fed and clothed. This is what keeps their children fed and clothed. Jimmy is obviously excited about this 200th episode because he has some autistic fixation on numbers. And his miserable shrew of a wife doesn’t give the slightest of fucks.
The default option for every fucking choice. Unbelievable.
They got married when they were like 22 or 23. Really weird to get married at that age. I saw some pretty weird MySpace page of his wife’s that the boys on Reddit uploaded. Everything I’ve ever seen her do is bizarre. There was that weird picture where they were dancing or something and James is smiling and she looks miserable. There’s her insanely patronising message on the old Cinemassacre site. Not just the “Caucasian sausage fest” comment but just generally it was awful. She has those tattoos. She’s pretty chunky.
What’s the appeal? What was ever the appeal? Although, how fucked up does somebody have to be to marry a guy who spent seven and a half years in special education? James is clearly mentally challenged. Maybe she is too. It would go some way to explaining all of this.
If I lived in the area, I’d order a cake, spend the extra $10 to get a picture put on it, and use the picture of James holding that cake.
I suppose that I could send it to Screenwave. They’d appreciate some cake. But I don’t want to send unsolicited baked goods. And I’d want a picture of them with the cake in return. Justin, Kieran, Tony, maybe James if he has the time. Ryan can also be in the picture. And then anyone else who works at Screenwave . They could all huddle around the cake. Ooh, maybe that chubby Asian woman could also be there. I’d want her front and centre.
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Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie is Dumb! – Talking About Tapes – Tony from Hack the Movies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQyCyUQi1EA
I wasn’t going to review this obvious cry for attention but nobody else is uploading so let’s just get through this shit.
0:45 – Some dumb VPN ad. Not the one that Jimmy Rolfe uses, though. It’s some VPN that I’ve never heard of. This is like the Chinese bootleg version of Express VPN.
2:00 – Mint Salad is wearing a crop top. She really needs validation.
She’s standing up really straight because she doesn’t want to show her stomach rolls.
See, here’s the problem. Mint Salad is slim. I’m not saying otherwise. But she’s not slim enough for crop tops. If you’re wearing a crop top, you better have an impeccable midriff. You can’t merely be slim. There can’t be any cellulite whatsoever. You have to do sit ups, you have to do crunches, you have to actually work on your torso before you put a crop top on.
I’m not body shaming anyone. I’m simply saying, if you’re not actively working on your abs, PUT A FUCKING SHIRT ON. It’s not a big deal.
10:30 – Tony starts summarising the movie. It will be this for the next 70 minutes.
12:00 – Tony mentions Rita. That reminds me. I might have seen one episode of Power Rangers. I was way too old to be watching this. And I was surprised by this character She has the pointy bra. This is a children’s show.
Oh god. Do not do a Google image search of Carla Perez, the second woman who portrayed the character, and the one who I saw. She’s fucking 350 pounds now. What happened?
18:00 – Mint is describing what the cleavage of the villain in the movie looks like. She pushed her tits together to do this. It will be interesting to see how many horntards comment on this. I’ll guess all of them.
20:00 – Mx Jessica injects some edits of the female comedy variety. I don’t like saying this sort of thing but…well, it doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe other people like it. That’s a diplomatic response. But just generally, we shouldn’t know who the editor is. The editor shouldn’t be injecting themselves into the show. And especially with bad female comedy.
I can’t believe that I’m still watching this. I’m at 37 minutes. It’s just Tony summarising the fucking movie. Who cares? I don’t give a fuck about Power Rangers.
A few minutes after I wrote that, I fell asleep.
Then I woke up to Tony laughing. Then right after that, I heard some guy say, “Don’t forget to comment and subscribe” or something.
It’s interesting that I woke up at exactly the time when the video ended. So I must have been listening to it on some subconscious level.
But yeah, I woke up totally refreshed. It was like a 45 minute nap. That’s just what you need.
Let’s see what Newt is doing. Acting in a friend’s “film”. Well…that’s unfortunate. I hoped that he would have taken this opportunity to shake things up in his life. Instead, it’s the same old, same old for Newt. More bad rural Pennsylvania “acting” “jobs”.
What about Horseface McGee?
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1436805522288697346
“I just want spooky shit and sex”
She wrote that on September 11. Never forget.
Oh, Screenwave has an official podcasting schedule now and Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies is on there.
https://twitter.com/ScreenwaveMedia/status/1459964810687401992
God bless them for trying, I guess.
Oh, Crystal is tweeting a lot about a wedding. But it’s all about her and how hot she is. That’s fascinating stuff.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1458482858046197766
Happy 246th birthday to the marine corps. Bizarre. This must be a reference to all of the marines who she’s had sex with. Everybody wants to have sex with Crystal Quin. She’s just so hot. And what a sparkling personality.
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Why you should play Astalon: Tears of the Earth – Cannot be Tamed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk7-9lTM84s
0:00 – Ooh. I think that the camera is marginally lower for this video. Or maybe Pam is just sitting up more straight. She’s giving us a full view of the udders. Views must be going down.
3:45 – “You know that old idiom that you can’t have pleasure without pain?”
Umm…no. Wait…let me go through my idiom rolodex. I have a vague sense that people have used the words “pleasure” and “pain” together but specifically the phrase, “You can’t have pleasure without pain?” No. I’ve not heard that one.
And it’s so pretentious that she said “idiom” instead of “saying.”
Let me DuckDuckGo this shit.
https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/there+is+no+pleasure+without+pain
Right there in the “idiom” section of Dictionary dot com. So it must exist. This one just passed me by, I guess.
But yeah, I can dig it, Pam. Like with your videos. They’re really painful. But the pleasure comes at the end when I realise, “I never have to watch this shit again.”
But then you release another video. And I watch it anyway, knowing that it’s going to be painful. It’s just an endless cycle. Day and night. Spring and autumn. Life and death.
This cyclical view of the world is big in Asia. It’s been the basis of their major religions for thousands of years. Yin and yang and whatnot.
As a kid, I read that samurai, who were in a high-ranking caste in Japan, considered themselves to be the lowest thing on earth. They were big on reincarnation so they thought that they did something really horrible in their previous lives to be doomed to live this life as a samurai. The only way to break this cycle of life and death, looking at things through the lens of reincarnation, is to perform admirably as a samurai and die in combat.
The Western view of humanity is that things are always getting better. But we know that that’s not true. You can look at the standard of living in the US, for example, and how it peaked in the 1950s and has been on a steady decline ever since.
Just look at the state of society today. We have gamer grrls getting fucked in the ass for less than $10,000/year. That wasn’t going on in the 1950s. It wasn’t going on in the 1970s. It wasn’t even going on twenty years ago.
Every year since the 1950s, inequality has grown and this has lead to a lower standard of living. Millions of jobs have gone away, either to China or to robots. This is why you now have a situation where people think it’s a good thing to get fucked in the ass by Mike Matei for $10,000/year. This is a sensible career path in 2021. Because there are so many fewer options now. It’s either get fucked in the ass by Mike Matei or work at the record store. There are very few jobs these days that pay a good wage.
It also doesn’t help that you have people like Elon Musk with $280 billion. People will say, “Oh, it doesn’t matter that somebody else is rich. We can all make $280 billion.” No. It’s ridiculous. Wealth is finite. Resources are finite. The fact that somebody else has more, means that you have less.
I talked to a Polish guy twenty years ago at some shit job that I had and I asked him his views on the Polish workers’ state. He was old enough to remember it, it ended in 1989. And he said, it was good. Everybody had jobs. But for some reason he didn’t like it. He suggested that it was better now and that people who can’t find work should just die.
I don’t know what the answer is but the present situation can’t be the way forward. You can’t have Elon Musk with $280 billion and Erin Plays getting $10,000/year from scamming the mentally retarded while Mike Matei fucks her in the ass. This can not be the basis for the economy. There should be good, dignified, well-compensated work for everyone.
Consider the following:
https://twitter.com/super_retro_gal/status/1453888242978148352
Super Awkward Gal quit her job at Disney (I think) because Disney refused to give a 46 cent raise to the workers, workers who are doing skilled jobs and getting near minimum wage salaries. Metal Jesus Rocks gives Disney’s recent near $6 billion profits for the last quarter. John Riggs also lends his support.
Yeah, these guys are horny and just trying to have sex with Super Awkward Gal but there also seems to be a mass awakening that things aren’t as they should be and it’s possible for things to change.
Who’s the first retro gaming Youtuber who’s going to do a video on dialectical materialism? Let’s get the ball moving. Raise awareness of the real issues that matter in people’s lives. Fuck this Mario shit. And I want to see gamer grrls leading the charge.
As for the horntards, they’re clearly on the lowest strata of society. They’re being taken advantage of by these gamer grrls, and of course, the gamer grrls are themselves being taken advantage of by Youtube. But I wouldn’t dismiss the horntards at large as lumpenproletariat. Sure, that guy who just says “HUGS” probably lacks the mental acumen to understand the dynamics of all of this but for the horntards who aren’t wearing taekwondo helmets all day, they can perhaps be reached.
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Reboots That Are Worth Your Time – Hack The Movies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVF635Q-870
You can skip the first two minutes. It’s an ad.
I was intrigued by this video because it’s “only” 75 minutes. I can do that. And then I looked more closely and the first 30 minute is Doug Walker and some other guy, and the rest of the video is Johanna and Crystal Quin. I think that I might forego the latter half of this video but I can do 30 minutes of Doug Walker and this other guy. Maybe.
2:45 – The other guy’s name is Brad. Tell me that this guy isn’t gay. Just listen to him. He’s gay.
They’re talking about some reboot of Home Alone. They don’t much care for it even though I don’t think that they’ve seen it. Maybe it’s awesome.
Oh. No, they couldn’t have seen it because they’re just talking the trailer. I don’t think that the movie it out yet. Or at least wasn’t when they filmed this.
4:00 – So Brad is talking about some James Bond movie. I never understood the appeal. This is from a previous generation. And these movies don’t seem timeless to me. I’ve also seen current James Bond movies. They’re not good.
God, this is boring. I’m at 9:00. I might just take a nap. This is the proper use of these videos. They’re really a good sleep aid. I say that genuinely. I appreciate them on that level.
Anyway, the only reason I’m even “reviewing” this video is because I thought of a great new name for Tony. I always call him “Tony from Hack the Movies”, sort of sarcastically, because that’s the stupid name that he always uses. But I thought of a sort of comedy name. Like how I say Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining. Or Pelvic Gamer even though I know the names she uses are Pelvic Gaming and Lady Pelvic. Or Madam Fomo for Destiny Fomo.
That was a long build up and my comedy name is going to be a let down but I don’t care. Tony from Summarise the Movies.
13:30 – So Doug’s reboot that he likes is The Dark Knight Trilogy.
Oh fuck. I don’t care about this either.
They’re talking about stuff. I don’t know. My mind is wandering. It’s just white noise. I feel myself drifting off to Dream Land.
I’m just looking at background stuff now. There’s a wide shot of the set. One of the tapes he has is Leo Mania. Just one of the many homosexual references that are jam packed into every episode of Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies.
19:15 – So Tony’s reboot that he likes isn’t even a movie. I guess that isn’t against the rules. He picked Lost in Space. That’s a tv show, I guess.
You know, somebody on Reddit complained about how the Cinemassacre Podcast is too “local”. It’s true. If you don’t live in the US, you don’t get loads of the references. And they’re talking about Wawa and shit. That’s an example of something where even if you do live in the US, you might not get the reference. It’s a fucking regional chain.
So I don’t know what fucking Lost in Space is. I never saw the 60s tv show and I never even heard of the reboot. Of course, I haven’t watched television in seven years or something. And I don’t have Netflix or any of that shit. My entertainment is 100% Youtube. I think that I made the right choice. Erin Plays and Tony from Summarise the Movies and Jimmy Rolfe’s output. Who needs Hollywood when you have gems like this? This is RuralPennysvaniaWood
24:30 – Haunting of Hill House. I don’t know what this is either.
32:45 – So Doug and Brad are out and Johanna and Crystal are in. This would be a convenient point to stop for lunch. I’ll need my strength for this bullshit.
But yeah, that Doug and Bill or whatever thing. I don’t even know what anyone was saying. It was like listening to the adults on Peanuts specials.
33:15 – Tony corrects Johanna and Crystal for their using the wrong words on the Ghostbuster video. I, unfortunately, reviewed that video here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/11/ghostbusters-2016-is-worst-hack-movies.html
Apparently, Johanna didn’t know the term “fake out”. I have a hazy memory of something like that but I don’t know. And Crystal kept saying “character arch” instead of “character arc”.
33:30 – Crystal says that she means to say “arc” but it comes out as “arch”. As proof of this, she says that she’s “literally have been studying acting(?) since my freshman year of high school. I went to a performing arts high school. I know what a character arc is.”
Did she even say “acting”? It didn’t sound like “acting” but that’s the only word that makes sense given the context.
But yeah, she studied acting so that means that she knows that “arc” is the right word here. It can’t be possible that she’s just stupid. No stupid people are interested in “performing arts”.
34:45 – Crystal thinks that Parker Posey is really hot and she wants to have sex with her.
We’re off to a good start.
36:00 – Crystal is talking about the It reboot. So I can go back to not listening to this shit.
36:15 – Crystal says that she enjoys “gore, nudity, and other fun stuff.”
Oh. Okay. This is really interesting. She’s a real intellectual juggernaut. I’m hanging on every word here. We’re getting some real learned critiques about cinema from Crystal Quin, as usual. Did you know that she went to a performing arts high school? It was totally worth it. She’s a famous model now, not to mention her weird, creepy amateur movies that she’s done with Newt, and her award-winning appearances on Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies.
40:45 – Shout out to Crystal’s imaginary ADHD.
Here’s the thing. People with actual mental disabilities rarely go on the internet and advertise them. Why would you? People with mental problems usually try to fit into society as best they can. Like anybody else would do.
I have no doubt that Crystal has mental health problems but I don’t know if ADHD is among them.
44:30 – Johanna likes the Punisher. I don’t have to listen to this either.
God, this is the easiest review I’ve ever done. Just turn it on, say, “I’m not listening to this bullshit” and occasionally write some off-topic shit.
I’m at 52 minutes. I have no idea what anyone is talking about. The editor, Mx Jessica, just put another unfunny editor’s note up. I would call it “unfunny female comedy” but I’m not sure what Mx Jessica’s pronouns are.
This brings up an interesting point. Transgender men will often talk about how they’ve always felt like a woman and transgender women will say that they always felt like a man. But many things don’t seem to cross over.
For example, there was a transgender guy on Big Brother UK years back. It was a guy who said that he was a lady. And he was in the backyard talking to all of the women. And they were talking about womanly stuff. I don’t remember exactly what. Feelings and sweet food and whatnot.
So he just suddenly got up, told them that they were boring him, and left. Then he walked over to the men and started talking about politics and sports and suchlike.
If he’s always felt like a woman, why isn’t he interested in the sort of topics that women talk about?
Then we have Mx Jessica. She looks masculine, she sounds masculine. Maybe she feels masculine. But then why does she exhibit such god awful female comedy?
Maybe she’s not even transgender. I don’t know. Maybe she’s just a butch lesbian. So there’s a lot of speculation on my part here but I just thought it was an interesting discussion point.
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Pikachu Y2K- Felix the Cat on NES Hack! – Erin Plays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5op9WXl52q4
Two glorious hours of Erin playing a game for the first and last time ever. And I have to actually sit through this one because I skimmed this video in my free time and there are some real gems about her carpal tunnel syndrome.
0:00 – Oh, she’s wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt. Remember them? TMNT, as the kids called them? Erin is all about TMNT. As a 35 year old woman who wasn’t in the proper age demographic at any time when they were popular. And, let’s state the obvious, it was not a toy line or cartoon or movie aimed at girls. But Erin is pretending to be interested in them because that’s what she does. Everything she does is a lie.
0:15 – She’s playing this game because she finds the walk animation of the character to be cute.
0:30 – “I like that it’s called Pikachu Y2K. So I don’t know, maybe this takes place in 1999 and we have to stop the computer apocalypse.”
I don’t think that she’s joking. She doesn’t understand that “Y2K” was a term used for, I guess, the year 2000 well before the Y2K bug was an issue.
Then there’s an edit but I’m not going to check what she cut out because I don’t give a fuck.
4:00 – “That’s cool, Farrin.”
Farrin must have said something. It could have been anything. All that she ever says is, “That’s cool”.
4:15 – Somebody asks her about her birthday. “For my birthday, I didn’t do a tonne but I wanted to find that arcade cab so we just went to the Round One, it’s like an arcade chain, and I got to check that out: the Castlevania arcade machine. So that was cool. I was happy.”
That’s it. That’s the story. If you’d like to see a picture of this glorious day, she tweeted it:
https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1458527036671152132
She wore her Hamburglar top for her birthday. It was a special day, after all.
It makes no sense whatsoever. She’s not interested in this shit. And Mike knows this. It can’t be a fucking secret. So why didn’t she suggest doing something else for her birthday? Who does she think she’s fooling? Her entire life is a lie. And even though every non-retard around her KNOWS that she’s lying, she still tries to maintain the facade. Why? Just tell Mike that you want to go a nice restaurant for your birthday. You don’t need to pretend that you’re interested in video games.
Wow. John Riggs doesn’t leave a reply. He’s slipping. Well, hopefully he DM’d her his birthday well wishes. Same with Joe from Gamesack.
She keeps saying stuff like, “It’s been a while since I’ve played this” and “I’ve played this before”. Yeah. We know. ONCE. On stream, for money. But she doesn’t say that part. And that’s why she knows absolutely nothing about the game and she’s really bad at it.
For example, she says that she doesn’t know what the apples were in the Felix game. This game is just a sprite swap. She thinks that they were hearts. No. They were little icons of Felix the Cat. Anyone who played the game AT ALL would know this. It’s like not knowing that in Mario the things you collect are coins.
7:15 – “I used to love Felix the Cat on the NES, like when I started my channel but I’ve played, like, so many NES games since and my tastes have changed, like, in the past four years. How long have I been doing this? I don’t know.”
Oh yeah. That’s how memory works. Once you play too many games, you suddenly forget about games that you’ve played in the past.
She doesn’t know anything about the game because she played it ONCE. On stream, for money. But she’s saying that she “loves” the game. And she says it used to be in her top five games. This is how she speaks. It’s all a fucking lie.
7:45 – “I’m 34 now.”
Sure you are, Cykill1986.
8:00 – Somebody tells her that she started her channel almost five years ago. Then Erin starts her BORING AS FUCK monologue that she’s told MANY, MANY TIMES before.
“I started Erin Plays because I wanted a creative outlet. I was starting to dive deeper into, like, NES and stuff than I had previously in my life. I was like, “Oh, wouldn’t it be fun to do a video series of me, like, playing video games that were new to me?” or, you know, stuff like that. And here I am still doing it.”
It’s all a complete lie. She started the channel because she heard that women who play video games on the internet could make a lot of money. She was misinformed. So now she’s getting fucked in the ass by Mike Matei on the regular. For less than $10,000/year.
22:00 – She says that she took footage of that Castlevania arcade game because she’s going to use it for an upcoming video. That’s what this was about.
22:45 – “Will I do more videos with Hack the Movies? If he’ll have me on, I totally will.”
She was HORRENDOUS in her Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies debut. I reviewed that video here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/07/josie-and-pussycats-is-great-satire.html
Anything that Erin does with other people is really, really, incredibly bad. She gets exposed as a fraud instantly and repeatedly. I can’t understand why she continues to do these things.
26:00 – “Have I seen Next of Kin? No, I haven’t.”
Riveting stuff, Erin.
Oh and this was all during a discussion where Erin was talking about how much she loves the Paranormal Activity series and she’s been watching them with Mike. Paranormal Activity is, apparently, a movie series and Next of Kin is the latest chapter in this no doubt fantastic movie series.
Erin hasn’t seen it.
26:45 – “I’d probably like that Chucky series, the tv series. I’d probably like that.”
But she hasn’t seen it.
27:00 – “Did I get a bunch of video games for my birthday? No.”
Why would she? She’s not interested in that shit. But it is weird because that’s the story that she tells. She’s a big “gamer”, right? What’s a good gift for a “gamer”? Games. Erin didn’t get any.
So what did she get? She doesn’t say.
Then she reads something else and says, “I don’t know what that is. I’ve heard of it, though.”
Then we’re back to more shit tier gameplay of this game that she played once in her life.
29:45 – “I was showing Mike Buffy because he never saw it, so we watched Buffy.”
This is right after Erin talking about how I Know What You Did Last Summer was “so 90s” and she found it “comfy”.
Erin was 12 years old in 1999, if we use her official birthdate, or 13 if we use Cykill1986’s suggested birthdate. She hardly experienced the 1990s. She was a child. Why the constant lies? We can all do the arithmetic.
Then Erin talks about numerous other movies and tv shows that she’s never seen before but “wants to”.
37:15 – “There’s a lot movies I haven’t seen: horror movies or regular.”
Erin is a master of the understatement.
37:45 – “So I’d be on, like, Hack the Movies again if it’s something that I want to see or, like, or something I have something to say about.”
So that rules out any return to the show.
“And, you know, if they want me back.”
Please no. And she was HATED by the people in the comments.
38:00 – Oh my god. Then somebody gifted six subs but he doesn’t even know what this means. So Erin explains what it means. It’s basically, “You gave me money.”
This guy is so fucking retarded, LITERALLY RETARDED, that he doesn’t even know what he’s doing. He just gave money to Erin and doesn’t even realise it. And these gift subs are $5.00 each. He lost $30 and doesn’t even realise what he spent the money on. He probably thought that he was giving himself a six month subscription. And even that, he probably doesn’t know what it means.
Erin is taking money from these people. She doesn’t even offer a refund to this guy who clearly doesn’t know what he just did.
39:00 – “I like She’s All That a lot.”
I’ve gone over this before. This was my JOKE idea of a movie that Erin should “review” on Talking About Tapes. Tony from Hack the Movies then talked about this movie several times on his show, after reading my joke about it. I suspect that he then suggested to Erin that this be the movie that they review.
So now Erin is pretending that she’s all about She’s All That.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/05/batman-forever-is-fun-talking-about.html
44:00 – Erin goes on an extended and tedious monologue about colour schemes in 1980s malls. She acknowledges that she wasn’t even born at the time.
Then she talks about yet more movies that she’s never seen before. But she wants to.
55:15 – NewWaveJunkie says that he met some of the cast of Monster Squad at some movie screening. Anyone want to guess Erin’s response?
“That’s cool.”
57:30 – “Some people go, like, “Oh, you have Super Nintendo growing up. How come you didn’t play Castlevania (pause) 4?” That shit didn’t appeal to me when I was little. Everything had to be cute.”
How have things changed? And why did she suddenly become interested in Castlevania as a 30 year old woman, when she started playing games for her shitty Youtube channel?
“I was playing, like, you know, Super Mario World and Yoshi’s Island over and over again. Like, that’s what I was playing as a kid.”
Those are the only two games that she ever mentions playing as a kid. And she wasn’t playing them “over and over again”. Just watch her play any Mario game. It’s the worst Mario footage ever recorded. She also knows absolutely nothing about Yoshi’s Island and she’s really bad at the game.
58:00 – “Like, now I would, in my 30s, but I’m a different person when I was, like, 7 or 8.”
Yeah, you’re shaking down horntards now. That’s why you play these games. You didn’t suddenly become interested in video games in your 30s. This is all for the fucking videos. It’s all CLEARLY a scam. A scam that’s netting you less than $10,000/year from the MENTALLY RETARDED.
Why wasn’t she interested in video games as a teenager? Or even in her 20s? Why the sudden interest in video games when she was 30 and started her channel?
59:45 – Shout out to her fake asthma.
Well, I’m at the halfway point. The fake carpal tunnel syndrome is coming up in about ten minutes, I think. I might stop after that.
1:01:30 – She starts massaging her hands and wrists. “Do I remember the Virtual Game Boy? The Virtual Game Boy? That’s not ringing a bell.”
This will come up later.
“NewWaveJunkie says, ‘I had my best run of Friday the 13th the other day: three minutes and 14 seconds.’ Damn, dude. That’s great. Congratulations.”
That doesn’t raise any alarm bells with you, Erin? Three minutes and 14 seconds? Let me look up the world record.
Oh. It is plausible. I thought that he was making a joke.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lgAWI6i7j4
1:01:45 – “Oh. Do you mean Virtual Boy? See, I thought Virtual Game Boy was like a website or something. Like, it seems like it would have been something maybe like in between, like, Ebaum’s World era and like the early Youtube era or something.”
We’re still building.
1:02:15 – “Yeah, like an emulator. I thought that it was something like that.”
Oh, sure you did, Erin. After you were prompted by the horntards. Because at first, you have no idea what he was talking about. Then you gave this insane answer about thinking that it was a WEBSITE. But once you’re prompted with the correct terminology, you decide that that’s what you really meant to say the whole time. She just “forgot”, I guess.
“But yeah, Virtual Boy…to this day, I’ve never tried a Virtual Boy.”
You don’t say.
1:06:00 – “Can I tell you guys what I had planned for Halloween but then I didn’t do it because I had the whole hand/wrist pain fiasco that I’m still dealing with but it was really bad in October?”
Here we go. A story about something that Erin DIDN’T do. These are great. And the reason she didn’t do this is because of an imaginary health condition.
“I was so pumped, I got the costume and everything, I was going to do the Buffy game for Gamecube.”
Oh. Who gives a fuck?
1:09:45 – She’s explaining why she hasn’t been uploading videos as frequently of late.
“This is going to sound crazy but I’m also, like, scared — like every time I play a game now, I’m, like, scared it’s going to destroy my wrists. Like, it sounds neurotic but the pain was so fucking bad, like, last year, I mean, last month, there were a few, like, days where I was, like, scared. I’m like, “This isn’t normal.”
You’re god damned right that it’s not, like, normal. It’s a serious, like, mental illness.
She’s already been to NUMEROUS doctors who have all told her that it’s NOTHING. There’s NOTHING wrong with her. But she keeps going. This is mental illness. People will create a fictitious illness or health condition and insist that they have it.
Typically, people will RESEARCH the health condition so that their story is more plausible but Erin doesn’t want to put the effort into that. So her story is completely ridiculous. And multiple doctors have told her this. “Get the fuck out of my office. I’m here to deal with REAL medical conditions. Stop wasting my fucking time.”
“So I’m like, I have, like, PTSD over this. Like, is this going to trigger the pain? Like, am I, like, squeezing the controller too much? Like, was I on my phone too much, like, for today?”
This is what she always cites as the problem: being on her phone too much. It’s not about video games, even by her own ridiculous story. She got carpal tunnel syndrome from using her PHONE too much. I think that she gives an insane explanation for this coming up.
“Like, I’m barely. Like, I’m trying so hard not to, like, touch my phone or any of this shit. It sucks because, like, now when I play games, I’m, like, scared to play it for leisure now and I’m like…I just…I’m only going to play games on stream or for a video until I get, like, I go to the dermatologist because I’m like, I just don’t want to chance it.”
This is the funniest thing that Erin has ever said. She’s eschewing playing games in her spare time now. From now on, she’s only going to play video games if it’s on stream, for money.
HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT SHE’S BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS? SHE DOESN’T PLAY FUCKING VIDEO GAMES AND NEVER HAS UNLESS IT WAS ON STREAM, FOR MONEY.
And did she say “dermatologist”? Is that who you go to for carpal tunnel syndrome? Let me look this up. That can’t possibly be right.
There’s something called a “dermatome” that might have some relation to carpal tunnel syndrome. It’s an area of the skin that has a lot of nerves in it or something. Maybe that’s what she was saying.
1:10:30 – “So that’s what I’ve been doing.”
Wasting multiple medical professionals’ time and Mike Matei’s money? Great. That’s a good use of your time, Erin.
I thought that she said something about the swiping motion of her phone triggering her carpal tunnel syndrome. Like when you swipe your phone to close an app or filter through hot chicks on Tinder or whatever. But I’m not finding it now. It’s either in a later section of this video or a different video or I completely made this up.
Oh, no. Here it is.
1:10:45 – “It seems that the things that bother me the most, it’s like editing, like if I’m using — even though it’s an ergonomic mouse, like doing a lot of, like, stuff like this.”
Then she makes an “awkwardly jerking a guy off” motion.
“So, like, if I edit too much or if I’m on my phone for more than like a few minutes at a time, like I can’t, like the scrolling, like, motion, I can’t do it.”
Oh do tell. And am I crazy or is she saying “like” WAY more than usual? Maybe this is a tell that she’s lying. But she’s always lying. So this doesn’t help. I suppose that she does always say “like”, though.
“And, of course, if I’m playing like a button-masher type game or something where the d-pad bothers me, that seems to not be good.”
Sounds terrible, Erin. Maybe it’s time to retire the channel.
“So far, like, knock on wood, I’m not, like, feeling too bad right now. Like, it feels okay to play this so I’m like, ‘okay’.”
Yeah, but why risk it? This is your health we’re talking about. You’re going to give yourself permanent wrist and hand injury for less than $10,000/year? That’s ridiculous. Nobody would do that. And you don’t even like video games. So this is a perfect excuse to stop the charade. Go get a fucking job like a normal person.
1:11:15 – “It’s just like so fucking weird.”
I’ll say.
Then she plays the game for another hour. That’s enough for me.
Let’s see what the horntards have to say for themselves.
– “The Computer Apocalypse was sketch. Was playing star ocean that day. As soon as we entered 2000, for some reason put down videogames for 10years(not proud of that lol)I was genuinely concerned. Had been a gamer, and beating Mario 1 & 2 since 4yrs old(1990), while my dad was dominating at the E3’s in Los Angeles. My relatives on both sides called me Nintendo. Made my first $10 beating Mario Bros. for my aunt at 5yrs. Any who. I’m gaming again & wanting to do a channel myself. Maybe raise money for y2k awareness. Y2k!? Not even once bro/sis”
That was clearly written by somebody with mental problems. These are the people giving this obvious fraud their money.
-
My First Midwest Gaming Classic Experience – MGC 2021 – John Riggs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfT0CBK9i1c
Forty minutes of John Riggs goodness. Creeping on the gamer grrls at a nerd convention near you. We’re in for a treat.
0:00 – Air Zonk for $240? Holy shit. I have that game, assuming it hasn’t been thrown out or stolen. Let me check Ebay.
Some guy is selling it for £140 just for the card. That’s like $190.
I’m seeing another one for $225 in the box. Yeah. This is what I had. It was a later game so didn’t come in like a CD jewel case, as the earlier games did. They started doing things on the cheap so it would just be in a box. I wonder if I still have the box.
I should go see if my collection still exists and if so, I should sell it. I know that Air Zonk is a rare game so the price for this game isn’t indicative of the price of the rest of my games. Still…maybe I could get $2000 for my collection? I didn’t have many games. Would it be worth the hassle of putting them on Ebay and shipping this shit out? Plus actually getting the games from the US to my home. I’d have to bring an extra suitcase just for them. And possibly ship them to myself, which would cost a lot. I don’t know. The whole logistics of it is daunting.
But yeah, I wouldn’t have any problem with selling my old games collection. There’s no sentimental value for these things. And you can play all of these games for free with an emulator. What kind of an idiot is buying old games?
0:15 – Oh, we started earlier. John Riggs is on the plane with Scott and Julia. He really seems to spend a lot of time with married women and their husbands. What kind of weird shit is going on? Who would want to watch John Riggs fuck their wife? I know that it’s some kind of humiliation thing but…John Riggs? That seems a step too far.
0:45 – There’s an Indiana Jones style map graphic showing John Riggs flying from Seattle to Milwaukee.
1:00 – John Riggs says, “We’re on the ninth floor.” Who are “we”? Is John Riggs staying with this couple who he met on the plane?
Oh. He seems to be staying with some douchebag Kris from GameDadShow, whatever that is. He has earlobe stretchers, as every well-adjusted middle aged man does. He also walks with a cane.
When you require a cane to walk, that’s probably a sign that your earlobe stretching days are over.
1:45 – Some other annoying douchebag.
2:15 – Yet another annoying douchebag. He has that long beard that screams, “I don’t need to have sex with a woman.”
3:00 – Now John Riggs is at some nerd bar and he’s really excited to see the arcade machines and the big screen showing old WWF shit.
I’m scanning for women. Not seeing any.
4:30 – It’s the next day. John Riggs is with another annoying douchebag. God, all of these guys are obese. What is the problem? You can play video games AND take care of your health.
4:45 – “First, we need food.”
Yeah. No, you don’t.
5:15 – John Riggs gets excited over seeing a “cop on a horse.” The cop is fucking obese too. What is going on?
Anyway, I don’t think that John Riggs has ever seen this before. How? Actually, now that I think of it, it is absurd. Why are there police on horseback? You see them at like riots and whatnot. I can see the use there. Maybe. The intimidation factor. But you also see them in any major city. I’ve seen them in the US and the UK. Just day to day. But why? Whatever.
6:00 – Is this a man or a woman? You don’t see them. You only hear them.
I think it’s a man. A man with a really high-pitched voice.
9:30 – Next day. John Riggs is going to a “build a breakfast” restaurant with his fat friend.
This is insane. Stop eating. Why is he so passionate about eating? Doesn’t he understand the relationship between his love of food and his enormous size?
10:00 – Horny John Riggs says that he hung out in the hotel lobby with JLuv81, who’s some fat gamer grrl who he doesn’t like. But he’ll take what he can get.
10:15 – Then we see the half-eaten stack of pancakes that John Riggs has been eating. Peanut butter, jelly, and banana pancakes. I’ve never even heard of this.
What about just going to the grocery store and getting a granola bar for your breakfast? Do you need to consume vast amounts of high-calorific food for every single meal?
10:45 – Oh, this is painful. Somebody brought their son to this thing and he has autism or something. John Riggs shouldn’t be filming this.
Oh, it was the child of some fat chick with purple hair.
God, this fucking group. This is what John Riggs wants. These are his targets. Fat single mothers with purple hair.
11:15 – There’s something called a “garcade” at this convention. John Riggs doesn’t know what it is. Then you go inside and there’s strobe lights and shit. I assume that this is the gay-themed arcade. Seriously. What else can the “g” in “Garcade” stand for? This is for gay gamers to meet like-minded fellows.
11:45 – Some black guy from Detroit brought John Riggs some snack foods. Come on. He doesn’t need any more snacks. And why did this guy do this? It’s pretty gay, right? I never bought food for another man.
And then yeah, this guy sounds gay. So I was right.
13:00 – Some guy who makes string art made some string art for John Riggs so that he can promote the string art. So that’s what happened.
14:45 – I don’t know. Some more socially awkward nerds. This is painful.
17:15 – Some other nerd. I don’t know. These people all need to re-evaluate their lives. What are they doing at this fucking nerd convention?
17:30 – Some weird wrestling.
19:15 – John Riggs is eating again. This is pathetic. It’s more deep-fried, fatty food.
19:45 – John Riggs tells a story about how he was flirting with a waitress and she wasn’t having any of it. He’s a total fucking creep.
20:15 – So John Riggs got a beef and cheese sandwich on a pretzel bun. It’s just a mountain of meat and cheese between two pretzels. And some chips.
One of his fat fuck friends got a “mac and cheese pizza”. I never heard of that, but you can imagine what it is. It’s disgusting. And his other two fat fuck friends got “Philly cheesesteak pizzas”. Again, I never heard of it but it’s disgusting. And these are pretty big pizzas.
21:00 – I think that John Riggs is filming his own panel now. But just from like a selfie angle. This is bad.
One of the nerds on the panel points out that the audience is EATING. They’re eating while watching this panel. What the fuck is this? Why are these people always eating? Why are they all grossly obese? Why don’t they seem to have any interest in women? Or men, for that matter? Gay men don’t tend to like fat nerds either.
21:30 – Some other giant nerd. I don’t like making fun of people because of their weight or obvious nerdish looks but…this is just pathetic. It’s the dregs of society who go to these things.
22:30 – Now John Riggs is modelling a peanut butter alcoholic drink. Or something.
24:00 – John Riggs paid $40 for a loose Bonk’s Adventure. God…maybe my collection is worth more than I thought. I need to see if those games still exist.
$25 for Pac-Land. I have that one too. But mine are all in mint in case, with manual. I’m sitting on a fortune, assuming I still have them.
25:00 – Some heavily-tattooed douchebag.
26:30 – “Sometimes people come up to me and say, ‘I have three words for you’. And I say, ‘Are they “How are you feeling”‘? I don’t know.”
Yeah. Three words. He’s talking to some other nerd, by the way.
27:30 – Some Asian guy is wearing a mask. That reminds me. John Riggs hasn’t worn a mask at all during this, has he? He said something before about how he was going to wear a mask at these conventions. I don’t know why he would say that but he did. But here he is…no mask. You don’t care about coronavirus, John Riggs? You might catch a cold.
28:00 – John Riggs films a “VIG” party from the outside. He wasn’t invited. What does “VIG” stand for? Just insert the obvious gay joke here. This is the build-your-own-gay-joke portion of the article.
Oh. He said, “Very Important Gamers”. Well, that’s stupid. I thought that it meant “Very Important Guests” and my joke answer was “Very Important Gays”.
31:00 – John Riggs is playing a video game one-handed. I was going to say something more here but just insert your own masturbation joke here. I don’t care any more.
31:45 – John Riggs is eating again. Well, this time he’s having a giant milk shake. Probably 1500 calories in this thing. And they’re trying each other’s milkshakes. This is gross.
32:45 – There’s a booth…or something…not sure what word to use for this, where a man will give you a massage. So that’s what John Riggs’ friend is doing.
Tell me that this isn’t gay. I mean…I don’t just want to make lazy gay jokes all day. And I’m not saying that having a massage by a man is inherently gay. If you’re getting massages because there’s some genuine therapeutic reason for them, then fine. It doesn’t matter if the masseuse is a man or a woman.
But who the fuck has medical reasons to get a massage? Fucking weirdos do this. Weirdos who just want somebody to touch them so they pay somebody to do it. But they’re not “brave” enough to go all out for a prostitute. By the way, it’s common for prostitutes to start with a massage.
And this guy is doing it fully clothed. Come on. If you’re going to be some freak getting a massage in a busy nerd convention, for everyone to see, getting rubbed down by some man, at least do it right. Take your shirt off at a bare minimum, you fat fucking queer.
33:00 – Oh my god. How embarrassing is this? That wasn’t even John Riggs’ friend that he was talking to. He thought it was, but it wasn’t.
33:45 – Some black guy says, “Yo, yo, yo. That’s cool”. He has to be saying this ironically.
34:00 – Now John Riggs is talking to some old guys who were somehow involved with Mortal Kombat. I don’t know if they were the voice actors for the game or they were in the motion capture suits or they were in the movie or what.
36:30 – Oh, they explain this Air Zonk thing. They never came in CD cases like this. This guy just took a CD case from a different game and put a homemade label on it.
38:00 – Now John Riggs is eating ice cream.
Then the video ends with purchasing a case of beer at the airport’s many duty free shops.
So that was John Riggs hanging out with complete nerds, embarrassing himself, creeping on the ladies, and eating. Lots and lots of eating. You don’t maintain that frame without lots of eating.
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Bobdunga has a New Boyfriend
https://twitter.com/bobdunga92/status/1456742519585353731
She really has a type. Nerdy white guys. That’s some pink sweatshirt that you have there.
Were they at Niagara Falls? That’s nice. I don’t quite get the romance, though. I was there as a kid so maybe that’s why but people wearing, effectively, garbage bags while taking a short cruise? That’s not romantic. The garbage bags are to prevent getting soaked because the little boat takes you close to the falls.
Let’s see what the reviews on TripAdvisor are like.
– “The falls themselves are magnificent. The city itself is incredibly tacky! What a contrast. Recommend staying somewhere else and visiting falls as a day trip.”
That seems to be a pretty typical review. A lot of people shit on the city and say that it’s run down and hasn’t been upgraded since the 1990s.
But yeah, if I were that guy, I would really watch out. How much longer before the various nebulous abuse allegations begin? She’s completely out of her mind.
https://twitter.com/bobdunga92/status/1456786499161231360
Should I post a birthday wishlist tomorrow? (Pleading face emoji Pleading face emoji) I don’t usually do that but with my move coming up, any little bit would really help
Absolutely shameful. Wantonly shaking down the horntards. Four horntards replied. “Yeah! We want to give you stuff even though you have a boyfriend and you only view us as morons to be taken advantage of financially!”
I don’t know if she ever posted the wishlist, though. I’m not seeing it on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/bobdunga92/status/1455974576425512964
Looking at condos today keep your fingers crossed I see something good (Folded hands emoji) then spending the remainder of the day editing audio for this almost 2 hour monstrosity of a video
Wait. She posted that on 3 November and the previous post that I mentioned was on 6 November. They’re in reverse order. So she took the first place that she looked at and this was all signed and agreed to within three days?
And is she moving in with this guy? This guy who she just met? She was living with her mother and sister(s). And she doesn’t have a job. She’s not making any money from Youtube or whatever. So the only way that she could move out would be if a guy is paying for the place.
It’s just such a terrible idea. And why does she always have white boyfriends? She’s always about black empowerment. Every “meme” that she posts on her Twitter is a picture or video of a black person doing something stupid. She thinks that this is empowering to black folk. Also, she considers herself to be black even though her mother is Indian.
This sort of race fetishisation is not good. I mean, if we’re talking about porn, whatever, go jerk off. But if we’re talking about having a relationship with another human being, it should not be the basis for the relationship.
Anyway, best of luck to Bobdunga and her new boyfriend. Hopefully the crazy allegations don’t start for a while yet. Also, maybe now that Bobdunga has a boyfriend she can get over that whole RelaxAlax thing. Leave him alone. Stop her many year campaign against him.
