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Last Video Store On The Left By Then Cemetery (opening titles sequence) – Newt Wallen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41JTCz6LCLg
The typo in the title appears as Newt wrote it. I just copied and pasted it.
Anyway, this video looks like a school project. I mean, what the fuck. This is awful. This isn’t campy bad. It’s just bad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ma6wnKSEpns
There’s the behind the scenes making-of video. You know what this town looks like? A shoebox and construction paper set. I don’t care how much fog you add and how many bad CGI lightning bolts there are, this doesn’t look like anything other than a project that children would have made.
What the fuck is Newt doing? He’s spending time and money on this. And at the end of this video, it says, “Created by Newt Wallen and Crystal Quin”. How much of this did Horseface do? None of it, according to the behind the scenes video. But even if she did the whole thing, I wouldn’t want credit for this. I’ve literally seen better dioramas at grade school science fairs.
Why would he possibly do this? Why would anybody? Is this going to make money? Is anyone going to be entertained by this?
I’m trying to think of school projects that I’ve had like this. There were two science fairs in like the 7th and 8th grades. I did one on trains or something. It was mostly based on the manual from that game Railroad Tycoon but, obviously I didn’t cite that as a source. I just made shit up ala Newt Wallen. I can’t remember what I put on the poster board but I had a little piece of a train track and a model train that I had to illustrate…I don’t know…the locomotive engine. In case anyone didn’t know what a train was.
Oh. It’s coming back to me. There were judges (parents of the kids there, presumably) who went around the exhibits and asked questions about your exhibit. And I remember one guy asking me about the impact of the railroads on cities, or something. And I said that it lead to the growth of cities because people were able to travel more easily now. This must have been like the thesis of my project. There was also probably a written portion of the exhibit. You had to write a five or ten page report on this shit. Anyway, yeah, in Railroad Tycoon, if you connect cities, the cities will grow and new industry will move in and whatever. So that’s how I knew about that.
I got an “A” but my project was pretty lame. Science fairs are just glorified art projects anyway. The person who’s the most artistic is going to have the best project. It’s not actually about science. If it was about science, you’d just slam a carefully-researched 50 page article on the table and tell people to read it.
Then for the next year, I did something about how birds can fly. Spoiler: hollow bones. And I drew some pictures of birds in flight and cross sections of bone on my fucking poster board. There was no other part of my project like a dead bird or my model train from the previous year, it was just the poster board. So I got a “B” for that year. I remember those drawings, though. I drew four pictures of a bird in various moments of flight. I just fucking stole the pictures ala Newt Wallen from some illustrations in an encyclopaedia. They were my drawings, I didn’t trace them or anything, but that was the reference that I used. I thought that they turned out pretty good. I wasn’t much of an artist.
I can’t remember anyone else’s project except for two guys who made a castle. They made it out of clay or something. Then their castle broke when they brought it into class and this was the day before the science fair. It just completely disintegrated. And I remember the look of terror on that kid’s face. He was about to cry. But by the next day, they constructed a whole new castle and they had it ready for the science fair. They labelled the broken one as “this castle lost the battle”, which I’m not sure is scientifically accurate. Did castles just disintegrate like that? No. Look at modern ruins. The fucking columns and pillars and whatnot tend to remain. But, again, it’s just a glorified art contest.
Almost everybody got an “A” or a “B” on these things, by the way. A “C” was basically a failing grade. As long as you turned something in, you were almost guaranteed a “B”.
But yeah, you could do this shit in teams of two. So I just did it by myself because I fucking hated group work. You end up looking like a giant nerd with no friends when you do these projects by yourself but that wasn’t too far from the truth and I just hated everything about group work. I refused to do it. Even if I was doing it with a friend of mine, I didn’t do any fucking work and then this causes problems.
It really shouldn’t happen. There should be no group work in schools. Will we be getting report cards as a group as well? No, we get individual report cards, right? It’s supposed to be measuring individual achievements. So what the fuck are we doing this group work for? This isn’t a team effort.
People will argue, “Oh, it’s to prepare you for the workforce where you have to work in teams.” No. It depends on what your job is. There are plenty of jobs where you work independently. But even in jobs that I’ve had that do require interacting with other people, I never had to do some fucking horseshit project. I never had a job where I was with a group of people, sitting around a table, and we were brainstorming ideas and all working together to make a model volcano that really works or whatever. It doesn’t fucking happen.
Has anyone had a job like this? I’ve had jobs where you had to work in “teams” but it was just, you do your fucking job, other people are doing their fucking job, and there’s a manager overseeing all of this. We all know what we’re supposed to do, there’s no creativity involved, you’re not really talking to anyone, you just do the job.
There was another group project that I did in the eighth grade. This was for history class. It was with a friend of mine. We had to make a newspaper but instead of it being on newsprint, it was on poster board. Makes for difficult reading with your morning coffee but this was the project.
So again, I didn’t do shit. My friend did all of the research and all of the work and I just fucked around. I remember going to the library a few times with him but I just made a fucking comic strip about a cyborg going back in time and destroying the British at Yorktown. I stole the idea from Terminator ala Newt Wallen.
That was my only contribution to the project. Then when it’s time to turn in the project, I see that my comic has been covered up with a fucking scholarly article. I asked my friend what happened and he said that his mother made him do it.
So we got an “A” on that project. But why? Why should I get an “A”? I didn’t fucking do anything.
In high school, I started off taking advanced classes but by the 10th grade I was taking all remedial classes. It wasn’t mandated, you were able to choose what classes you wanted to take. I intentionally took remedial classes because I knew that this was all pointless. Why struggle in classes? We’re all getting the same diploma. I’d rather kick it with the mentally challenged kids and coast my way through.
So there weren’t any projects in high school for me. The classes that I was taking…the teachers had all given up.
In the 12th grade, there was a science fair in a class that I had but I just refused to do it even though we were told that we would fail the class if we didn’t do it. The teacher sold candy as a way to supplement her income. So after the science fair and my non-existent project she said, “If you buy five dollars worth of candy, I won’t give you an ‘F’”. I looked at this box of unsold candy, at the end of the school year, stuff that nobody else wanted, there were a couple of straggly suckers and Tootsie Rolls and whatnot, and I said, “No, I’m not doing that.”
Did I get an “F” in the class? I don’t fucking remember. It doesn’t matter. I still graduated. And even if I didn’t graduate, who cares? Nobody has ever asked to see my diploma. Or my degree. This was all a giant waste of time. I knew it as a tenth grader and my position hasn’t changed. Fuck school. Fuck group work. And fuck Newt Wallen’s shitty ass fucking movie ideas.
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I'm Back With INSANE RETRO PICKUPS! – Retro Ali
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH3HJNTC7C0
Wow. That is…some makeup. This is like clown-level. I know that this is insulting and maybe Ali doesn’t have much experience putting makeup on but what the fuck? She wasn’t always like this, right? Let me look at previous videos.
No, she’s normally much more toned down than this.
This is…it’s honestly reminding me of Marcel Marceau. I learned about Marcel Marceau from school. It’s the only time I can recall ever seeing or hearing anything about the man. I remember that he was in a textbook that I had in maybe the fifth grade but what fucking class would possibly have had a lesson about Marcel Marceau. He was a mime, by the way.
I wasn’t taking French classes. Maybe it was like a history class or something but the man was still alive at the time and what historical…I don’t know.
Let’s check out his Wikipedia. I’ll go straight to “personal life.” Oh my god. He was married? Three times, apparently. And had children. Who would have guessed? He also had a decades long affair. With a woman.
Oh wait. He was also a long-time friend of Michael Jackson. Now it’s starting to make sense.
Back to Ali. I’m thinking that maybe all of this makeup is to try to compensate for her larger physique these days. Just start eating right, Ali. I don’t know what else to tell you. Or if you’re happy as you are, keep doing what you’re doing. But the horntards…I don’t know…they might not go for it.
Ali says that she hasn’t uploaded in a few months because she moved. But she promises regular uploads from now on. She’s said this before. Personally, I’m hoping that she doesn’t keep this promise.
0:30 – “I have a lot of spicy pickups so I recommend watching the whole video if you like this kind of content.”
Well…I’ve been burned on this before. Ali’s definition of “spicy” differs greatly from mine. I’m thinking like Rumble Roses or Strip Fighter or something but no. It’s just Pokemon games and whatnot. What’s spicy about that? Well, maybe Pokemon has some kind of erotic element for Ali.
5:00 – She got a couple of Game Boy Colors. How many does she need? She must have dozens of these by now. Who cares about this crap?
5:45 – This upcoming item is the big, spicy content that she mentioned. She’s really hyping it. What is it going to be? Don’t keep me in suspense.
An Analogue Pocket. Who cares?
8:00 – She also got some comics from this video game store and says that she used to collect comics. Eugh. Pokemon comics.
That’s the video. What was spicy about any of that?
Maybe these videos just aren’t for me. I can’t really think of any collection that I’d want to see. “Not in a, “Here’s a bunch of crap that I just got” fashion, anyway. What do I care? This isn’t my stuff. I’m supposed to cheer Ali on for her poor spending habits? Mindless consumerism?
Even if it was my stuff, I wouldn’t care. That’s why I don’t buy anything. Accumulating garbage doesn’t bring me joy. Quite the contrary. I want as little stuff as possible. You become a slave to your possessions. It becomes difficult to move house.
What did Buddha say about possessions? He was also pretty anti-possessions. He must have moved a lot too.
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
That’s a good one for *nostalgia* but I’m looking for quotes about possessions.
How can this be so fucking hard? There’s a fucking billion sites about Buddha quotes but they have nothing to do with possessions. Why are they in my fucking list here? The top result is GoodReads and it’s just a bunch of quotes from people who aren’t Buddha. I don’t want this. Go fuck yourself, Ray Bradbury. What do you know about inner peace?
Anyway, Buddha had a lot to say about possessions and suffering and whatnot but it seems to be lost to the ages.
Ha. I found some. Here’s a good one for Jimmy:
“I’ve got children’, ‘I’ve got wealth.’ This is the way a fool brings suffering on himself. He does not even own himself, so how can he have children or wealth?”
I wonder what Buddha’s position on balding was. If those fat Buddha statues can be believed, he shaved his head, so I suppose that we can draw our own conclusions. Plus, again, there’s the whole trying to maintain ownership of your hair leaning to suffering. Hair is fleeting, Jimmy. Let it go.
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We've made 100 ASEDaily Vlogs! – Mint Salad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP3c0gLTBvA
I don’t know what the title is referencing. And I don’t know what she’s talking about. It’s something about how she was in band in high school. Or something. It’s like she started in the middle of the story. I have no idea what she’s talking about.
4:00 – Now it’s a different video. She’s in a Walmart parking lot. She starts talking about a futon on Facebook that she and her loser boyfriend were going to buy.
Then said loser boyfriend arrives and says that he’s wearing a $910 hoodie.
If this is even close to the truth, why are they getting used futons from Facebook?
So now they’re at Walmart and they’re going to get a futon.
4:30 – This loser boyfriend says that when he went to pick up the used futon from Facebook, the woman who owned it didn’t think that it would fit in his car so refused to sell it to him.
I think that this is the same Walmart that they were kicked out of for asking people about “eating ass”. Too bad the ban doesn’t seem to be permanent.
5:15 – This loser boyfriend got angry because she suggested doing this another day (he wanted to take the futon apart to see if it fits) but he had already driven 20 minutes to get to this location so didn’t want to do that again. Twenty minutes is a long time for this loser.
5:30 – Then they didn’t get a futon. Instead, they spent “a couple of hundred dollars on an overpriced bed”. And you see Mint Salad dragging a small box.
How the fuck does a bed fit in there? Obviously, there’s no mattress but I got a bed from Ikea and it came in several large boxes. There’s the fucking headboard (that’s one big piece), there’s the bedframe, and there’s the…I don’t know what you call them…there are like ribs that go under the mattress to provide support. There were also miscellaneous metal pieces and screws and bolts and whatnot.
There is no way that any of these wooden pieces could fit in that box that she’s dragging. Is it a single sized bed? That fat fuck couldn’t fit in a single-sized bed by himself, never mind with Mint Salad. And not even a single-sized bed could fit in that box.
How many pieces must that bed be in to fit in that box? Maybe it’s like a Lego bed.
Also, “a couple of hundred dollars” for a bed? What kind of bed are you going to get for $200? Well, we see. It all fits in a small box.
Let me look this up. Walmart beds.
Wow. They’re as cheap as $70. Yeah, I can see some of these cheap beds fitting in that box. They’re all metal and it’s like the absolute bare minimum for constructing a bed. I’m not sure how well a bed like this will support our fat friend but whatever.
5:45 – They’re putting the bed together. There was a mattress in there as well? There’s no fucking way.
Wait…what? It was JUST a mattress. They have a fucking box spring or something on the floor and then they put this foam mattress on top of it. That’s their bed.
I think that this is how they do things in Asia. They just put the mattress on the floor. But come on. This is the most ghetto shit imaginable.
6:30 – Then they start singing “bed in the kitchen”. This just got even more ghetto.
6:45 – Then that fat fuck lays down and he takes up most of the bed. This is not going to work. They got a twin-sized bed for a man who requires a twin-sized bed just for himself.
7:15 – He starts talking about how he thought it was going to be like a “juvie bed”. This is a reference to adolescent prisons, I assume. It seems that this guy wasn’t rehabilitated. The system failed him.
7:45 – Fat fuck says to Mint Salad, “You’re too fat for that” as she falls onto the bed.
“It’s a pretty decent bed. It’s been a while since I’ve had a bed like this. Probably the last time I had a bed like this was in college and it wasn’t the mattress that was great, it was the foam topper that was great.”
Are beds really this expensive? Come on. Just get a fucking bed. They’re $70 at Walmart.
That’s the video. The description says, “Mint reflects on drum corps experiences, Riley wears Versace in public (safely, no muggings!) and America’s Sweethearts go buy a new bed for their kitchen.”
So is it possible that he wasn’t joking about that $910 hoodie? It’s an odd figure. Let me look this up.
They do sell hoodies in that price range.
So…he spent $910 on an extra-large “hoodie”…but they live in a one-room apartment and they sleep on a mattress on the floor.
In the comments, Mint Salad says, “It’s weird not having an air mattress anymore like we started using them when Riley moved to Idaho and started moving around a lot and I moved in with him and there are some nice camping beds but a real bed feels awesome now”
So before this “real bed” (which, again, is a mattress on the floor) they slept on an air mattress.
How could this fat fuck possibly have slept on an air mattress without breaking it?
I had a reasonably good air mattress that I slept on briefly, as a young man, before I got a bed. It was alright but I was a slim, single man.
When I moved to the UK, for a long time I just had a futon. Because I moved a lot and didn’t want to move a bunch of furniture. I still have the futon but after about ten years of that, I finally broke down and got a bed. A real bed. One with a fucking frame.
I just went to Ikea for all of this. It’s not terribly expensive. I probably bought all of my furniture for less than the cost of that “hoodie”.
It just boggles the mind. Who would have their girlfriend sleep on an air mattress? Isn’t he embarrassed by any of this? Are they just so drug addled that they don’t care?
They’re living in abject squalor, like the meth addicts they are, sleeping on the floor, but this fucking moron gets a $910 “hoodie”. He’s getting this money from pimping Mint Salad out and/or selling drugs. But why not spend seventy bucks on a fucking bed first? No, I’m going to get a $910 “hoodie”, that nobody can even tell is expensive, that looks like any “hoodie”, that’s going to quickly deteriorate, and sleep on the floor in my grotty apartment with my mentally challenged girlfriend.
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NEWTS GOT ISSUES – Newt Wallen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oai-64O5hq0
It’s just Newt talking about his small comic book collection. He sold almost all of his collection to fund his idiotic movie idea. The world must see Shark Vampire.
But if it’s comic book *nostalgia* that you’re interested in, I’m bringing it. Just rapid-fire random *nostalgia*.
I went to a comic book convention at my school when I was in like the seventh grade. It was just kids from school in a little room in the school selling comics to other kids and possibly weird adults who wandered in.
There was one kid who was selling the stuff unbagged and his comics were in poor condition. Nobody was buying his stuff. It was sad. Maybe he was slightly poorer than most of us.
On the other end of the economic spectrum, there was a kid whose father was a lawyer and he had a huge collection that he was selling. Like 20 boxes of shit. I looked at the prices and said, “I’m not paying this.” I then remonstrated with the boy’s little brother who insisted that the prices were correct and based on the Wizard price guide. Wizard was a fairly new publication at the time. I was still loyal to…Comics Price Guide or something so contended that those prices were more accurate. In the end, I just decided to take my business elsewhere.
I bought an X-Force #1. Unbagged. That’s going for about $4 on Ebay, with the original bag. So unbagged, I’m thinking about seventy five cents. The retail price was $1.50. I probably paid…I don’t know…five bucks maybe. I didn’t even get the card that came with it.
Oh, they also had kids selling baseball cards at this thing. Baseball cards were popular with kids of the day. Moreso than comics by a large margin. I was never huge into baseball cards because I was one of the few boys in my class who didn’t fucking play the game. Almost everyone was on a Little League team. They’d play a version of baseball at recess too where they bounced a ball against a wall. I never played that shit either. I also never watched a single game of baseball on tv or whatever. Still, baseball cards were so popular that even I, somebody who had no interest or knowledge about baseball, bought baseball cards. It was just part of American youth culture at the time.
So anyway, I’m at this baseball card/comic show…that’s what it was called. It was a comic book show, not a “convention”, as I said earlier. I’m not sure if they still use this term. Comic book show. Or baseball card show. Do they always say “convention” now?
But I’m at this thing with my friend and I ended up stealing a sign advertising the show. I remember it said “Comic book show today” and some of the words were in glitter and it looked like it took a while for some kid to make this thing. I hung it on my bedroom wall for a few years.
It was fun going to that school at night and stealing shit. There was just something about being in the school at night that was appealing. There was no supervision. It was dark inside. Lights were usually off or only some lights were on. It was kind of sketchy if we were even supposed to be there. But we’d be allowed in for Cub Scout meetings or band practice or school festivals and shit.
I stole a lunch tray once but my mother made me return it. I didn’t return it, I just threw it in an alley but that would have been a cool thing to have. I guess. I’m sure that I could have found some use for it. It could have been like a tv tray.
And there was a time when we were making coupons for like 25 cents off a soft drink or something for some upcoming school bake sale. We had to like colour in the coupons or something, I guess so that they’d be harder to forge.
So we were doing this in class and the principal was the one overseeing the class, which is odd because I don’t remember him ever conducting a class at any other time. And holy shit, everybody was pocketing these coupons. I don’t know if it was 25 cents off or if it was a free beverage or what but everybody was stealing these things. You’d colour one for the school for every three that you put in your pocket.
Then one stupid kid raised his hand and asked, “What would you do if somebody stole these?” and the principal said, “You’d have to be pretty low to steal from your own school.” Trying to guilt us with school spirit. He knew that everybody was stealing these coupons.
I never even fucking used them. Who cares? Free drinks at a school bake sale. But as a kid, it seemed like we were really getting away with something.
Those school-wide bake sales were pretty lame but even lamer were like the bake sales that were just done by one grade. The school wide stuff was ostensibly open to the public, but I think only parents came, and done at night. But the bake sales that were organised by just one grade were student-only and done during class time. So each grade would get like 15 minutes off to do some shopping for baked goods and we’d have to sit there and sell our shitty popcorn balls or whatever for 25 cents each.
No, wait. That can’t be right. I’d remember having to endure that kind of humiliation.
No, I think what it was is that everybody would put their baked goods on a table and then people would pick stuff up that they liked from the table. So you didn’t actually have to hawk your own wares.
And then all of the fucking money goes to the school. So you have your parents bake this shit, put it in a container that you probably won’t get back, and then the school gets every penny. For what? The school didn’t do any of this. If I was able to keep the money, or at least some of it, that would make a lot more sense. It would also encourage people to make a good product and actively sell it.
Although, I guess overseeing this would be a problem. You’d have to keep track of what sold. That’s just basic recordkeeping, though. But it would be children doing this. And it would be rife with corruption. They’d end up saying that their friends sold more stuff than they actually did and shit like this. So maybe it’s for the best that there was no profit motive for the students.
I remember that there was a girl in the fifth grade whose family was moving and she was going to change schools but she still had a book checked out from the school library. And our teacher was really getting on her about returning this book. The girl would promise that she was going to return it but always “forgot”. She was obviously going to steal it but who really gives a shit? It’s a shitty library book. Eventually, through constant guilting and belittling by this teacher, the girl returned the book. I looked her up on Facebook years ago and she was in the military. I assume that she’s not doing that any more but at one point, she was in the military.
There was also a children’s book that had the word “Dick” in the title that we would check out as like a dare. We were in like the fifth or sixth grade and this book was for first graders. It was just because the book had the word “Dick” in it that we thought it was funny. So a different kid would check it out every week until the librarian got suspicious, condemned us, and said that this book is for small children. She had to know what was up, though.
There was another book that allegedly had a picture of a topless woman in it. It was a book on like legends and myths and whatever, sort of like a book about Atlantis and shit like this. Apparently, there was a picture in the book of a topless witch. I don’t know if this was some kind of National Geographic African thing or what. But we knew that this book had a picture of a topless woman in it and we would all run to that book every week to try to be the one who was able to check it out.
I wasn’t a competitive sort of guy, I didn’t like all of the pushing, so I just waited. I waited until the hype died down and people forgot about it. Then one day, I saw the book and I casually checked it out.
I’m in the hallway, we’re at our lockers, and I say to somebody, “Hey, remember that book with the topless woman in it? I got it..” A fucking riot ensues. They take the book from me and start passing it around. I’m yelling at them to quiet down and give me the book back. Nothing doing.
Then a girl snatches the book away and says, “I’m sick of this book” and says that she’s going to bring it to the teacher. I’m begging her not to do it. My pleas are ignored. I never had any problem with this girl and I was a well behaved kid so I tell her, “It’s my book”, hoping to appeal to my good character. She just says, “Well, then you’re the one who’s going to get in trouble” and brings it to the teacher.
The teacher has it for a while and then tells me to collect the book after class. I expected to get in trouble but no, nothing happened. She just gave me the book back.
I now had this book that had the topless woman in it. I had it at home. I remember having the book, looking at the checkout history (you had to sign your name on a piece of cardboard every time you checked the book out) and laughing at how many times one particular kid checked this book out. It was the kid whose father was a lawyer, who I mentioned earlier. By the way, that kid became a lawyer at the same little family firm as his father. Never accomplished anything on his own.
So I’m flipping through the pages looking for this topless woman and…nothing. Either the teacher cut out the page or this thing just next existed.
That girl was a bitch. I remember there was another occasion, this was in the seventh or eighth grade, and we had a priest talking to us about jacking off and going to Hell. He said, “What if you’re a boy who saw pornography and you keep having intrusive thoughts about it?” It was some existential question about should you go to Hell for thinking about naked ladies even if you try really hard not to think about naked ladies.
So this girl raises her hand and says, “Well, he shouldn’t have watched that stuff in the first place.” You could almost hear the groans. We’d all watched porn and now this girl is condemning us to Hell.
The priest wasn’t even going for it. “No, but the boy is trying really hard not to think about it. Doesn’t that mean –” No. The girl was really argumentative. She insisted that if you ever watched pornography, you’re going straight to Hell.
This was made all the worse because this was the hottest girl in class. Objectively. She won the end of school award for hottest girl in class.
She got a job working in an electric company or something, last I checked. She was single with no children. Nobody met her lofty standards, I guess. She only dates guys who never looked at pornography.
So that’s Newt Wallen talking about comic books.
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Who's a good dog? The best dogs in video games – Cannot be Tamed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk1ump0J5Iw
This is the Valentine’s Day video for Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining. A video about dogs. She has a very close relationship with her dog. I’ll just say that.
0:00 – Whoa! She’s wearing a sweater and it’s pretty loosely-knit so you can see the outline of her bra. Her dog will appreciate that. Actually, will it? Dogs don’t have good eyesight. Well, her dog will appreciate the peanut butter later tonight.
Then she’s there with her dog Lily. Lily has the look of a grizzled veteran. She’s seen it all.
Oh, TheGebs24 will also be in this. She’s also a lesbian, same as Pam. Although…as far as I’m aware, TheGebs24 isn’t getting it on with dogs.
How fucking gross is this? I’m not even joking. I mean, do I have definitive proof that Pam aka CannotBeTamed is doing sexual stuff with her dog? No. But all the signs point to yes.
2:15 – Pam is droning on about not wanting to fight Cerebrus, the three-headed dog of Hell in some game.
4:45 – Now we’re over to “Gemma”, who is TheGebs24. Thank the almighty fuck. I never thought that I’d be happy to see TheGebs24 but here we are. Anything to get away from this creepy as fuck love fest between Pam and fictional dogs.
God, this accent is really off-putting.
5:30 – She talks about Family Dog for the Super Nintendo. She used to rent the game from Blockbuster. “How much do you miss Blockbuster?”
Not at all, frankly. I’m sorry that people lost their jobs but no, I don’t miss billion dollar multi-national corporations. I also don’t miss having to go to a store to rent games or videos. Isn’t what we have now better? Being able to download whatever you want from the comfort of your home and keep it forever, for free?
She doesn’t even realise that it was based on a cartoon. Wasn’t it? There was a short-lived cartoon in the early 1990s called Family Dog. Let me look this up.
Yeah. June 1993 to July 1993. There were 10 episodes. This was during the animation boom spurred on by The Simpsons. Networks were scrambling to find the next big cartoon. There was Fish Police and Capitol Critters. None of them were successful.
It reminds me of Family Guy. I remember British people talking about how much they loved Family Guy. And I didn’t really get it. This was early in the Family Guy run and there were a lot of references to US popular culture and New England more specifically. So I didn’t understand how a British could possibly appreciate these jokes. But whatever, you can appreciate things on different levels. You don’t have to get every single joke.
6:30 – Pam pronounces “Camus” phonetically. I remember her making this same mistake before and the horntards in the comments correcting her. It has to be a mistake. There’s no way that it’s “cam-us”.
9:45 – She invites the horntards to talk about their own favourite dogs in video games.
Ummm….
Oh my god. Then Pam makes out with her dog. It’s uncomfortable as fuck. That’s probably how she behaves with human partners as well, hence her being single.
But…oh fuck, I wish I wouldn’t have seen that. Let’s just…video game dogs. That was the topic. What’s my favourite video game dog? Fuck, I don’ t know. I can’t even think of any. Oh, there was that fucking dog in Fallout 3. I didn’t give a shit about it, though.
Dogs…video game dogs…mmmm….there must be loads. Nothing springs to mind, though. I’m so traumatised by Pam dry humping her dog that I can’t think straight. Let’s just check out the comments.
Oh yeah. Somebody in the comments mentions that bug in Fallout 3 which makes the dog almost invincible. I think that that’s the case for all of your companions. When I found this out, I quit the game. I did wonder why my companions never died. Maybe I’m just really awesome at the game. But no, it’s because they have like six billion hit points. I think that there was a patch that fixed this but I was already so far into the game that I got disillusioned.
Somebody mentions the dog in King’s Quest III. Yeah, I remember that. Hardly note-worthy, though.
– “You forgot the dog from secret of evermore”
Pam says, “I didn’t forget anything.”
She really hates when people tell her that she forgot certain games like this. The guy is obviously just leaving a comment, talking about a dog that he likes, but she gets personally offended by just about everything. She has real trouble interacting with people. Hence, her passion for dogs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dg4uNP46PBk
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dg4uNP46PBk] -
NINTENDO DIRECT 2.9.2022 REACTION! – Retro Ali
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noSr_XGwGhY
The triumphant return of Retro Ali. Look at that thumbnail. She’s traded the “O” face for the…how to describe this…”retard face” was the first phrase that sprang to mind but I don’t mean any offense by this.
0:00 – “Whatisupmydudes?”
Oh my god. I forgot about this. I forgot about her meth-addicted speaking cadence. It’s been so long since she’s uploaded anything.
She lost her job a few months ago and she put out a video saying that she’s going to start making more videos now that she has time due to not working. But she didn’t do that.
I read somewhere that she’s working. So maybe she found a job pretty quickly and just decided to stop uploading. She still uploads her god awful Twitch streams on her second channel, so she’s obviously still going to Twitch, but she’s basically abandoned her Youtube channel. That’s for the best. Her channel is horrendous. It’s always these fucking “reaction” videos. The entire “reaction” genre doesn’t even make sense. NOBODY watches a video while making comments to themselves and doing these stupid, ridiculously over-the-top “reactions”. You’d have to be seriously mentally ill to do that.
0:30 – “OH GOD! IT’S STARTING!”
See? This is what I mean. Nobody does this. Why would anybody want to watch this? It’s a fucking straight up retard doing fake “reactions” that are vaguely sexual in nature. Why…I’m not jerking off to this. Who is? This is just annoying and it’s insulting to my intelligence.
0:45 – “IM SO NERVOUS!”
What? Why? This doesn’t make any sense. None of this makes sense.
Oh, I should have explained. She’s watching like a preview of upcoming games from Nintendo. It’s a promotional video. Who gives a fuck?
The whole “reaction” genre started with that defecating video that I won’t mention. Morons would film their grandmother watching this and the grandmother would have at least semi-legitimate “reactions” to the video because it’s a shocking video, people don’t want to see that, and only a fucking idiot would show that to their grandmother.
But Ali is watching a commercial. This is not shocking. It doesn’t make fucking sense. Her “reaction” are obviously all 100% fake. NOBODY would behave like this while watching this fucking commercial.
1:00 – “FIRE EMBLEM”
This is just annoying. She’s screaming into the microphone over NOTHING. Two seconds earlier, she had a “reaction” over a screen transition. The screen just went black for a second and she had a “reaction”. What is this? Nobody wants to see this shit, Ali. Stop making these fucking videos.
Then she screamed “Fire Emblem” five times in a row like a complete fucking brainless retard.
“I’m meming myself. It’s not Fire Emblem.”
What the fuck does “meming myself” mean? None of this makes sense, you dumb fucking bitch.
Then she says, “Woooooooohoooooooooohoooooooooo” and makes the “O” face. This is these horntards are here for. There’s a clear sexual element to these videos but…I don’t get it. And these videos don’t get nearly as many views as they used to. She needs to stop doing this. Get some dignity and do something else with your time. She’s making a complete ass of herself for PENNIES.
1:45 – “I’M SO HAPPY!”
This doesn’t…she doesn’t even play this fucking game. All she plays is Pokemon. It’s ridiculous.
Then she yelps something. I can’t even understand a lot of what she’s saying. The problem is that she’ll scream into the microphone and then there’s her usual meth-induced rapid-fire speaking and just general poor diction.
2:00 – “I started screaming about Fire Emblem this whole time.”
Yeah. It’s stupid. Aren’t you embarrassed?
2:15 – “Oh my god. GIVE ME A RELEASE DATE.”
I can’t. That’s it. It’s completely fake. It’s annoying. She’s a fucking moron. What is the possible appeal to this?
– “I love seeing other people openly express their enthusiasm over cool video games.”
That was from somebody named Cassie Belmont, who is presumably a man in a dress.
– “It’s awesome to see someone equally as hype about Radical Dreamers as me!”
Really? So you watched this video and screamed the whole way through? Is there something wrong with you?
– “So excited for Mario Strikers and Kirby, looks like a blast! Thanks for all the exciting reactions Ali!”
They’re completely fake. Imagine if they were real. She’d be hauled off to the nut house by guys with nets like a 1950s Bugs Bunny cartoon.
– “Wow you were so hyped for the new fire emblem game, most people that I’ve known aren’t that into it”
NOBODY is into it. Not like this, anyway. How stupid do you have to be to believe this shit?
– “Awesome reaction.”
That was from Videogamelover58. I thought that 1958 was the year of his birth but no…it’s just a guy who’s clearly mentally challenged. I’ll just say that. You can check out his videos if you want but it’s depressing.
– “I understand reaction vids are suppose to exagerate but Jesus lol”
Yeah. Well, this comment is actually helpful. Here’s somebody who obviously watches these “reaction” videos, he knows that they’re fake, but Ali is going too far with this even by the standards of these fake “reaction” videos.
Complete dogshit. Let me check out her boring as fuck Twitter since I don’t talk about Ali much. It’s just going to be about video games but…who knows.
Yeah, 100% video games. “I LIKE VIDEO GAMES!” We know, Ali. But do you anything else at all with your life? Maybe put it on fucking Twitter. Tell us a little something about your personality. Do you have a personality?
She has an Instagram too. What’s on the Instagram? Pictures of video game shit.
https://www.instagram.com/retr0ali/
Can you tell us about your job, Ali? Or your boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend? It might crush the horntards but tell us something. What did you eat for dinner today? Did you buy any clothes recently? Can you give us anything at all other than video games?
She has another Instagrarm where she posts pictures of “FFXIV glams”.
https://www.instagram.com/asuka.xiv/
It seems to be her created character in some Final Fantasy game. She made it to try to resemble herself and she has bunny ears. And the character is in some…I don’t know….kind of erotic poses, I guess? This is pathetic. Who can possibly be getting off to this?
So that’s Retro Ali. Let’s hope that we can go at least another three months without talking about her again.
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Crystal Quin is a Wonderful Human Being! – Tony from Hack the Movies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7dlEhVDOcY
Here’s one that I unfortunately missed. It’s a clip from the Christmas Vacation episode of Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies. It’s on Tony’s Hack the Movies Clips channel. This is something that actually exists. I found out about this channel just now while searching for “Crystal Quin” on Youtube. I actually meant to search for “Zap Cristal” but I have a feeling that this will be a good one.
0:00 – “I always adopt a family. It’s one of my biggest things. I always have to do it every single year.”
What in the fuck are you talking about? Crystal Quin “adopts a family”? What does that mean?
Why not just say what it actually is instead of using the stupid company buzzwords? You give a gift to a charity. That’s all this is. You’re not adopting a family.
I mean…does donating those diapers one time mean that Crystal is now that family’s mother? It’s ridiculous. That family doesn’t give a fuck about you, nor should they, you self-aggrandising bitch.
“A couple of years ago, it was the saddest realisation that I ever had in my life. We’re going to get a little sad here. There’s a YMCA in the town that I work in and I didn’t realise YMCAs also had shelters. I had no idea. I went in there because that’s where I adopted a family.”
Fucking moron. It’s like these charities that send those “adopt a goat” things around Christmas. For £30 you can “adopt a goat” for a starving African family. It’s just a marketing term. The £30 is (allegedly) enough to pay for a goat but you’re not literally buying a goat. Anyone with a brain knows this.
0:15 – “I always adopt like the very tiny babies because kids, sometimes when you look at their list you’re like, ‘Bitch, you’re fucking 10. You want an iPhone? I didn’t have that shit.’”
Yeah, you’re just a dumb charity case, bitch. Tell your unwed mother to get a job and maybe a husband. I’ll get you a Nokia 8210 and you’ll like it.
This is the world’s worst adoptive mother. She’s complaining because an impoverished 10 year old has the audacity to want the same sort of gifts for Christmas that her more fortunate friends are getting.
If you don’t want to donate to charity, don’t donate to charity. But to go on Youtube and criticise children from poor families has to be one of the most deplorable things that anyone can possibly do. And this video is entitled “Crystal Quin is a Wonderful Human Being.” In what universe?
This is just more of her self-obsessed behaviour. She’s “adopting a family”, which first of all, her use of language is telling. She’s making this sound much more important than it is. All she’s doing is giving to charity. It’s not “adopting a family”.
Secondly, the only reason she’s donating is to feel better about herself. That’s the only reason why anybody gives to charity. It’s a way to feel better about yourself. “Oh, I did my part for the year. I gave some homeless bum a dollar that he can spend on crack. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now.”
And in case there’s any doubt about her motives, she’s here on fucking Youtube talking about it. If you were donating money or whatever in a selfless manner because you wanted to do whatever small part to fix the multitude of problems in society, you wouldn’t talk about it. Because it’s not about you and how great you are.
0:30 – “I just go for like the tiny kids where, like, ‘We need clothes and diapers’. If they’re asking for clothes and diapers, they actually do need that.”
Yeah. Babies need clothes and diapers.
What is Horseface suggesting? That these kids asking for phones aren’t actually impoverished? This is all just a scam? Wealthy families are going to the YMCA, registering as impoverished, and coercing their children to make up Christmas wish lists full of expensive electronics? Is this something that’s happening? Is there a single case of this ever happening?
My understanding is that the only people who make use of charities are people who are genuinely impoverished. I mean, I’ve never made use of any charities. I wouldn’t even know where to look. It’s not something that I’m interested in. I don’t need anything.
But Horseface seems to be suggesting that this is all a scam. If you’re 10 years old, you don’t REALLY need an iPhone. You don’t need anything. You have clothes, you have diapers, so you’re good. Horseface is only interested in dealing with people who don’t have clothes or diapers.
“I always have a budget put aside for this.”
You’re a real hero, Horseface McGee. I’d like to hear exactly how much money she’s giving when she’s “adopting a family.” Give us the figure, Horseface McGee. If it’s a hundred bucks I’d be surprised.
Whoa! Make way for Daddy Warbucks over here and her yearly charity outpouring. Two packages of Pampers and a onesie that a baby will wear for a week before outgrowing.
“I’ll go and I’ll get as much as I can.”
What’s the figure, Horseface? There’s no way that it’s more than a hundred dollars. Who gives a fuck? This isn’t changing anybody’s life.
It would actually be more impactful to take that hundred bucks and buy a phone for somebody. I’m sure that not everybody is asking for an iPhone. But the phone would last, whatever, six months, a year, two years, more than that. And it would be something that somebody actually needs. Maybe they don’t have a phone. Maybe their existing phone is so outdated that it’s embarrassing. This would be a gift that might actually be appreciated.
0:45 – “I had to actually go deliver it to the people.”
Oh, you know this isn’t going to be good. Horseface McGee’s encounter with the unwashed masses. As if Horseface isn’t a member of the great unwashed. She works at fucking Screenwave. She’s making $20,000/year. She could rightly register for these charities.
But somehow, she thinks that she’s above these people. And that’s another reason why people don’t register for charities. It’s embarrassing. People think that they’re better than you. They pity you. And these people aren’t any better than you. Horseface McGee isn’t better than anyone on earth. Take anybody, place them next to Horseface, and Horseface is the more contemptable person.
“HOLY FUCK IS THAT AN EYE OPENER! You go into this shelter, they barely open the door, and there’s little babies running around in just diapers and no shoes and stuff like that.”
Yeah. Babies tend not to wear shoes indoors. Actually, people of any age don’t do that.
And it would seem that the people on this charity list all live in this shelter. So the girl who wanted the phone, for example, lives in the shelter. Does Horseface still think that this is a scam? Wealthy families are bringing their children to live in sheltered accommodation just to get a phone?
1:00 – “I sat in my car for probably an hour just crying, feeling guilty about my life, taking things for advantage.”
What? She didn’t know that people are homeless? And she cried for an hour in her car? I’m not getting the chronology here. First she was in the shelter, seeing the babies with no shoes, and the next thing she’s in the car crying for an hour. How…did she run out? Were her adoptive family just left sitting there scratching their heads? “We were told that a horseface woman would be bringing us diapers. What’s going on? Our shoeless baby has been sitting in faeces for the past three days.”
Then Tony says, “Granted. Taking things for granted. You said, ‘Taking things for advantage’”.
Don’t correct her, Tony. She’s right. She takes things for advantage. And people. This entire story is just a way to “put her over” as wrestling fans like Tony and Horseface McGee will say. It’s woefully misguided, but in Crystal’s equine head, she thinks that she’s coming off as some kind of hero in this story.
1:15 – “So it was just like one of those things where you’re like, ‘Holy shit.’”
By the way, I should mention that Johanna is sitting next to Horseface and looks pretty uncomfortable throughout.
“So then you think about it as an adult and you’re like, ‘Where is Santa giving for these kids’”?
Does anybody want to break the news to Horseface?
These families are living in a shelter with a bunch of other people in a giant room, it seems like. I assume that this is temporary accommodation until something more suitable is arranged.
In any event, I don’t think that Christmas gifts are really a priority for them. They’d probably like to find some kind of appropriate accommodation. Maybe a job. Stuff like this. Then they can purchase what they need.
Then Tony…wait…I have to try to transcribe all of this. Maybe I’ll be able to pinpoint where this discussion gets totally derailed.
1:30 –
Tony: I think that that was like one of the earliest day (???) like I thought about them. I was like, ‘Wait, there’s people who — like — why doesn’t Santa help them out’?
Johanna: Because, like, you think about when you go to school. There’s obviously people who didn’t have as much money.
Tony: You know what also really gave it away? I was like, “Why would Santa put barcodes and like copyright and like trademark on it. Like, I don’t understand. I don’t think that the elves are making those.”
Indeed, Tony. You’re not understanding this story whatsoever.
This isn’t about Santa’s workshop inexplicably making the same products that the Hasbro corporation is making in factories in China with no worker protection laws. Because yeah, Santa would get into a lot of trouble with that, wouldn’t he? Bootleg GI Joes? Trademark infringement. Or is Santa just buying these toys from Walmart? Why doesn’t Santa just drop cash and I’ll buy this shit from Walmart myself?
Hey…Tony…focus. We’re talking about what a hero Crystal Quin is for setting foot in a homeless shelter. This is her “adoptive family” that she’s talking about. Can you try to be more respectful? We can poke holes in the Santa Claus mythology later.
1:45 – Tony says, “Anyway, that was a very nice story that you told.”
What? She didn’t even finish. She was in the shelter, shoeless babies, and then she was crying in her car for an hour. What the fuck happened? This isn’t a story. I need closure. There’s still another minute to this clip. Maybe Crystal has more to say.
No. Tony just says to subscribe to the channel and then there are some baffling hijinks.
This was awful. The story went fucking nowhere and it was just Crystal talking about how amazing she is because she spent less than a hundred bucks on diapers for some homeless babies on Christmas. And she said this after calling a hypothetical 10 year old homeless girl a “bitch” for daring to want a phone for Christmas.
She’s completely detestable.
Let’s check out the comments.
Oh, Lady Decade said, “That’s beautiful xxx.”
Which part? Which part of this was anything but reprehensible?
Actually, nobody else says anything too cringe-worthy. I assume that the vaguely supportive comments are all sarcastic. Maybe that’s just like a defence mechanism for my mind.
Anyway, here’s Horseface McGee: Patron Saint of Shoeless Babies Indoors on Christmas.
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What You Played When Game Boy Launched in 1989 – Year One – John Riggs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB2ATBS9hPM
This is from a new series that horny John Riggs is doing where he talks about what games YOU played in a particular year on a particular system. Even if YOU personally didn’t play these games. As, indeed, you probably didn’t. Who played every game that was released for a particular console for a particular year? Maybe you didn’t play any of them. Why is John Riggs being so ridiculously presumptuous?
0:00 – “1989, I remember it well. It showed it was cool for even the common man to like comic book movies in Batman being number one at the box office.”
What? As opposed to comic book movies only being enjoyed by the landed gentry? What are you talking about? Comic book movies have always been lowbrow fodder for the masses.
“Your favourite cartoons were replaced by those dumb Ollie North trials.”
First of all, don’t assume that the viewer was a child in 1989. Or indeed alive. None of this makes sense.
I happened to be alive and a child but I don’t remember any cartoons being interrupted by the Oliver North trials. I do remember the scandal but I never figured out what it was about and I still don’t know.
“Lunchables made their debut and I still love these.”
They still make them? They were disgusting. I ate the cheese and crackers but could never even attempt those disgusting, slimy, thick slicks of bologna or whatever. I never ate bologna in my life, why would I start with this disgusting shit? Why didn’t they have more palatable luncheon meats? It was bologna and ham, as far as I recall, and always in these thick, greasy slices with a hard skin around them. It’s fucking gross.
They’re also unhealthy and popular with lazy parents. Too lazy to make a fucking sandwich? It takes 45 seconds.
0:15 – “Imagine a time where Nintendo was your everything. It was your number one passion project, it was your number one hobby, the number one thing you loved to do was run home and play Nintendo.”
This doesn’t resonate with me at all. I had a Game Boy and I played it but…I wasn’t some giant nerd obsessed with it. I don’t think that anybody was. Nobody who I knew, anyway.
0:30 – “I loved my Game Boy so much” and there are animated hearts.
It would seem so. It’s gross and unhealthy.
1:00 – Tetris. Yeah, I had Tetris and I played it and I enjoyed it but I didn’t run home from school every day and have intercourse with my Game Boy. What the fuck? What’s wrong with him?
2:30 – Super Mario Land.
3:15 – “This game still feels different overall than like a Mario Bros or a Mario 2.”
Yeah. Because it was a different design team who made it. Doesn’t he know the story behind this? Just do a quick DuckDuckGo search.
https://superjumpmagazine.com/super-mario-land-is-the-franchises-subversive-outcast-85d2f0f5142
“If you have a child with autism, like I do, you might be familiar with the story of Holland. You can look it up online but to summarise, it’s a poem about Holland, you’re planning a vacation to Italy, fast-action, fast-paced, you’re going to have a whole lot of fun, and when you land, you’re in Holland. It wasn’t what you asked for?”
What? Is this about his autistic son? Did I got too far with that half-joke? I’m not sure.
But let me look this up. His explanation made no fucking sense.
https://www.stepsautismtreehouse.org.au/blogs/2019/6/2/welcome-to-holland-an-inspirational-poem
Oh my god. My cruel comment was accurate. It WAS about his son. This is a “poem” which doesn’t rhyme or have any particular cadence. And it’s about finding out that your child is autistic. You didn’t an autistic child but you just roll with it and try to make the best of a bad situation.
This is the worst thing I’ve ever read. This is supposed to be inspirational? It’s horrible.
His son apparently bangs his head to the point where he knocks his teeth out and he makes a mess everywhere he goes. For example, John Riggs said that he can’t have a shelf of games because he son would pull all of the games out. I believe that his son is non-verbal or has very limited verbal abilities.
I worked with kids like this. It’s horrendous. They require monitoring all day, every day. For their entire lives.
If I had a child like this, I would send them to a home. Maybe not the nightmare place that I worked at but no way could I deal with that. Nobody can realistically do it.
Anyway, Holland. I went there once with my girlfriend. I suggested going to a coffee bar and getting some marijuana but she wasn’t interested. So instead we went to a petting zoo and a cat art gallery and a purse museum and shit like this. Whatever. It was still nice to go.
And she puts mayonnaise on her fries so it’s not just a Dutch thing. I think it’s popular throughout Europe. I’ve never tried it. Maybe I’m missing out.
4:30 – Alleyway. A Breakout clone. Or as Erin calls it, a Breakaway clone.
I don’t think that I’ve even seen this game.
Turoid is the best such game that I’ve played. I played a shareware version for many years and then I downloaded a pirate version from some abandonware site years ago. It’s great. It has a level designer and everything. I liked to re-create the actual levels so that I could play them whenever I wanted. So if you wanted to play level 10, for example, you didn’t have to go play levels 1 through 9 first.
5:30 – Castlevania Adventure. Or whatever it’s called. I rented this. He mentions that it’s slow but that he doesn’t mind it. That was my impression when I played the game as well.
7:15 – Baseball. I never saw this game.
Remember The Bad News Bears Go to Japan? What a racist piece of crap that was. Not just the anti-Japanese stuff but the jive-talking black kid is offensive too. Some nice scenes of 1970s Japan, though. And Antonio Inoki has a cameo.
8:00 – Tennis. I never saw this game either.
Remember tennis? Me too.
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Destiny Fomo Planning to Move to Japan
https://twitter.com/DestinyFomo/status/1490442068015128585
I started my Japanese classes (smiling face emoji) and they went so well, finally taking steps for some big things in the future. I’m so excited
Somebody replies with, “おめでとう” which means “congratulations” according to Google Translate.
Madam Fomo replies with, “Thank you so much dude. I’m going push it to hopefully 2-3 classes a week. The end goal is to move out there.”
On what basis is she planning to move to Japan? Does Japan have a special prostitute visa? I think that they have enough prostitutes there already.
Oh, Super Geoff replies. I forgot that he went on Madam Fomo’s stuff. He’s also a big Erin Plays fan. Also, he’s legitimately mentally challenged.
Somebody else replies with, “You have tiny feet.”
She does a lot of feet stuff on her Only Fans. It’s an easy way to get money from horny losers without actually taking your clothes off.
But really how is she planning on moving to Japan? First of all, she’s never going to learn the language. She struggles with English and it’s her native language. She’s a complete moron. How is she going to learn another language?
But let’s assume that she becomes fluent in Japanese. So what? They’re not letting people in just because they speak Japanese. You need a fucking in-demand skill. Let me check the actual visa requirements for Japan.
Well, if you want to do some reading it’s here:
https://www.mofa.go.jp/j_info/visit/visa/long/index.html
It doesn’t describe the actual qualifications, as far as I can see, but I’m thinking that she doesn’t qualify for any of that.
You can have a company sponsor you but even then the company has to show that there aren’t any native people who can do the job. I mean…that chubby blonde woman who appears on Metal Jesus videos somehow got sponsored by some video game company, even though she has no experience in the industry, but I’m thinking that that’s an anomaly. That woman is still in Seattle, by the way. She got that visa to go to Japan like two years ago at this point. When is she going to go? It’s going to expire before she even gets there.
Madam Fomo can get sponsored by some English language school but, again…Madam Fomo struggles with English. And I think that you need a university degree to do that job. Let me look this up.
It’s just a blog so I don’t know how accurate this is but it looks right. And yeah, you need a degree. Madam Fomo probably didn’t even finish the 9th grade.
You also need a clean criminal record. She’s legitimately been a prostitute for many years. What are the chances that she’s never been arrested and convicted of a crime?
You also have to pass a drug test. Again, there is no way that she would meet this requirement.
She could just go and not have a visa. It’s not like she’s living legally as it is so she can continue this in Japan. She managed to get in at least once so I’d imagine that she could do it again. Then just continue with this OnlyFans shit and the prostitution.
What’s it like getting a property, though? If you’re buying, surely you need to provide a lot of paperwork and I don’t know if non-citizens can own property. Certainly, people who are there illegally can’t own property.
So what about renting? Do landlords require to have proof that you’re in the country legally? They might. But surely people find places. There must be many thousands of prostitutes living in Japan illegally.
They’re not coming from the US with stacks of ill-gotten money, though. They’re surely impoverished women from China.
Anyway, it’s preposterous. She’s not going to do this. File this one under her comic book writer career and her editing job. And if she’s going to take classes, she should take ENGLISH classes. How embarrassing would it be to take a TEFL class as a native speaker but that’s what she needs. Focus on learning English first and then you can try Japanese.
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Ghostbusters: Afterlife Review and Passing The Torch – Cinemassacre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wi6NTLIEhoc
Where the fuck is he? This reminds me of those Heaven’s Gate videos. I assume that it’s just shitty greenscreen as usual with Jimmy.
0:15 – But first, a word from our sponsor: Keeps.
It would be a natural. I don’t know why he doesn’t do it. Try the product out as well. I think that that stuff gives you erectile dysfunction but take a gamble. It’s for the channel.
Oh, it’s some Japanese knives. Somebody else had this company as a sponsor recently. I can’t remember who it was. Maybe it was Tony from Summarise the Movies.
0:30 – “Dating back to the Edo period.”
He pronounced it “Ed-o”. With a short “e” sound. Like the name “Ed”. That’s not right, is it? It’s a long “e” sound. Well, the man did spend seven and a half years in special education.
Oh, and the ad is in front of a greenscreen too. Where would Jimmy be without a greenscreen? He couldn’t have a channel. EVERYTHING is greenscreen.
1:30 – There’s a Valentine’s Day sale for these knives. You know…that great Japanese holiday of Saint Valentine’s Day.
I’m just mesmerised by Jimmy’s hair. The hair has receded to about the middle of his scalp. And you know that he has a big bald spot at the crown. So it’s just these few wisps of hair in this no man’s land that he’s using to try to create the illusion of having hair.
6:45 – Shout out to the late Bob Saget. Well, Jimmy actually has talked about his fondness for Full House numerous times in the past so I’ll give it a pass. God, just the fact that Full House is one of his favourite shows of all time really illustrates that this guy belonged in special education. It’s a show for six year olds.
8:00 – FINALLY we get to the RE-view. The first eight minutes was just a commercial and Jimmy talking about reboots or continuations or whatever.
“The one you asked for.”
I didn’t ask for this. And since when does Jimmy care about his audience? We want The Cinemassacre Podcast. That thing was a gold mine of awkwardness.
13:00 – He starts laughing at the line, “Nostalgia overrides all logic.”
This is supposed to be…I don’t know. He’s been talking a lot about his creepy deep love for *nostalgia* lately. Is he having sex with *nostalgia*? What is this? Why couldn’t he do another take? This laughing is supposed to…warm the viewer’s heart or…something. I just found it bizarre.
So that’s the video. He just gave a straight review. There’s nothing I can say. He was reading a script that Kieran or somebody wrote and/or plagiarised.
So should I talk about how Newt is a hero for calling attention to Jimmy’s complete reliance on Screenwave or should I talk about James Rolfe’s hair. The hair, I guess.
It’s bad. I started losing my hair when I was 21. By my mid-20s, it was noticeable. Then one day, when I was in my late 20s, I was using a hand mirror and the bathroom mirror to check out how bad it was. I could not believe that nobody said anything. The balding in the front had reached the balding in the back. Same stage as what James Rolfe is at. Indeed, maybe Rolfe is at a more advanced stage of baldness than I was at.
As soon as I saw that, I got my clippers out, put a 4 guard on, and cut it all down.
That’s all that he has to do. He doesn’t have to shave it, especially at this stage in his life. Because who cares? People expect 40 year old men to be bald. It’s not at all unusual. Trying to hide it with these weird hair-in-a-can systems that he’s using is the problem.
And if you shave your head, there’s not a single person on earth who’s fooled by this. No non-black man from the 1990s shaves his head for fashion. It’s 100% because they’re balding. So you can shave it if you want, or you can just use clippers. You do this once a week. It’s not a big deal.
People raise the issue of facial hair with baldness. Should you grow a beard of some description if you’re bald? No. Do whatever you want. Beard. No beard. Nobody fucking cares.
And James is a married man. He has two children. Is he still trying to pick up chicks? Just do whatever with your hair. All of it. The hair on top of your head, the facial hair, and your disgustingly high levels of body hair.
But not this. Not this hair-in-a-can shit. You’re not fooling anybody with this. It’s just desperate and sad.
I know that Jimmy is a big Youtube celebrity but are people tuning in because he has Hollywood movie star looks? Did Doug Walker’s views plummet after he shaved his head?
And anyway, think of all of those sexy bald men through the years. Yul Brynner. Bruce Willis. That guy from The Fast and the Furious. Hulk Hogan. Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Rock. Superstar Billy Graham. Billy Corgan.
Actually, going back to wrestlers, there’s loads of them. Kurt Angle. John Tenta. Mike Shaw. Ahmed Johnson. King Kong Bundy. George the Animal Steele. Keiji Mutoh. This is just from memory. Not all of these guys are heartthrobs but it didn’t stop them from achieving their goals in life.
Let’s see what the boys on Reddit had to say.
– “Why is this filmed like a cult introduction video?”
Yeah. So it wasn’t just me. It’s a Heaven’s Gate background.
Comments on his hair.
Stupid “meme” comments that don’t contribute at all to the discussion.
Actually, the Heaven’s Gate members were all bald too. Even the women. So that works out. It would have been a natural pairing. Have the Heaven’s Gate background and shave your head.
Some of them were also castrated. That’s another option for Jimmy to consider. He doesn’t want more children anyway, I assume.
I listened to a whole fucking nine part podcast on Heaven’s Gate before. It was really good. Let me see if I can find it.
https://www.stitcher.com/show/heavens-gate
It’s also on Youtube but I don’t know if the guy who made the podcast is also the guy who uploaded those videos. I don’t think that it is so I didn’t link to it. But you can easily find it.
