The triumphant return of Retro Ali.  Look at that thumbnail.  She’s traded the “O” face for the…how to describe this…”retard face” was the first phrase that sprang to mind but I don’t mean any offense by this.

0:00 – “Whatisupmydudes?”

Oh my god.  I forgot about this.  I forgot about her meth-addicted speaking cadence.  It’s been so long since she’s uploaded anything.

She lost her job a few months ago and she put out a video saying that she’s going to start making more videos now that she has time due to not working.  But she didn’t do that.  

I read somewhere that she’s working.  So maybe she found a job pretty quickly and just decided to stop uploading.  She still uploads her god awful Twitch streams on her second channel, so she’s obviously still going to Twitch, but she’s basically abandoned her Youtube channel.  That’s for the best.  Her channel is horrendous.  It’s always these fucking “reaction” videos.  The entire “reaction” genre doesn’t even make sense.  NOBODY watches a video while making comments to themselves and doing these stupid, ridiculously over-the-top “reactions”.  You’d have to be seriously mentally ill to do that.

0:30 – “OH GOD!  IT’S STARTING!”

See?  This is what I mean.  Nobody does this.  Why would anybody want to watch this?  It’s a fucking straight up retard doing fake “reactions” that are vaguely sexual in nature.  Why…I’m not jerking off to this.  Who is?  This is just annoying and it’s insulting to my intelligence.

0:45 – “IM SO NERVOUS!”

What?  Why?  This doesn’t make any sense.  None of this makes sense.

Oh, I should have explained.  She’s watching like a preview of upcoming games from Nintendo.  It’s a promotional video.  Who gives a fuck?

The whole “reaction” genre started with that defecating video that I won’t mention.  Morons would film their grandmother watching this and the grandmother would have at least semi-legitimate “reactions” to the video because it’s a shocking video, people don’t want to see that, and only a fucking idiot would show that to their grandmother.

But Ali is watching a commercial.  This is not shocking.  It doesn’t make fucking sense.  Her “reaction” are obviously all 100% fake.  NOBODY would behave like this while watching this fucking commercial.

1:00 – “FIRE EMBLEM”

This is just annoying.  She’s screaming into the microphone over NOTHING.  Two seconds earlier, she had a “reaction” over a screen transition.  The screen just went black for a second and she had a “reaction”.  What is this?  Nobody wants to see this shit, Ali.  Stop making these fucking videos.

Then she screamed “Fire Emblem” five times in a row like a complete fucking brainless retard.

“I’m meming myself.  It’s not Fire Emblem.”

What the fuck does “meming myself” mean?  None of this makes sense, you dumb fucking bitch.

Then she says, “Woooooooohoooooooooohoooooooooo” and makes the “O” face.  This is these horntards are here for.  There’s a clear sexual element to these videos but…I don’t get it.  And these videos don’t get nearly as many views as they used to.  She needs to stop doing this.  Get some dignity and do something else with your time.  She’s making a complete ass of herself for PENNIES.

1:45 – “I’M SO HAPPY!”

This doesn’t…she doesn’t even play this fucking game.  All she plays is Pokemon.  It’s ridiculous.  

Then she yelps something.  I can’t even understand a lot of what she’s saying.  The problem is that she’ll scream into the microphone and then there’s her usual meth-induced rapid-fire speaking and just general poor diction.  

2:00 – “I started screaming about Fire Emblem this whole time.”

Yeah.  It’s stupid.  Aren’t you embarrassed?  

2:15 – “Oh my god.  GIVE ME A RELEASE DATE.”

I can’t.  That’s it.  It’s completely fake.  It’s annoying.  She’s a fucking moron.  What is the possible appeal to this?  

– “I love seeing other people openly express their enthusiasm over cool video games.”

That was from somebody named Cassie Belmont, who is presumably a man in a dress.

– “It’s awesome to see someone equally as hype about Radical Dreamers as me!”

Really?  So you watched this video and screamed the whole way through?  Is there something wrong with you?

– “So excited for Mario Strikers and Kirby, looks like a blast! Thanks for all the exciting reactions Ali!”

They’re completely fake.  Imagine if they were real.  She’d be hauled off to the nut house by guys with nets like a 1950s Bugs Bunny cartoon.

– “Wow you were so hyped for the new fire emblem game, most people that I’ve known aren’t that into it”

NOBODY is into it.  Not like this, anyway.  How stupid do you have to be to believe this shit?

– “Awesome reaction.”

That was from Videogamelover58.  I thought that 1958 was the year of his birth but no…it’s just a guy who’s clearly mentally challenged.  I’ll just say that.  You can check out his videos if you want but it’s depressing.

– “I understand reaction vids are suppose to exagerate but Jesus lol”

Yeah.  Well, this comment is actually helpful.  Here’s somebody who obviously watches these “reaction” videos, he knows that they’re fake, but Ali is going too far with this even by the standards of these fake “reaction” videos.

Complete dogshit.  Let me check out her boring as fuck Twitter since I don’t talk about Ali much.  It’s just going to be about video games but…who knows.

Yeah, 100% video games.  “I LIKE VIDEO GAMES!”  We know, Ali.  But do you anything else at all with your life?  Maybe put it on fucking Twitter.  Tell us a little something about your personality.  Do you have a personality?

She has an Instagram too.  What’s on the Instagram?  Pictures of video game shit.

Can you tell us about your job, Ali?  Or your boyfriend?  Do you have a boyfriend?  It might crush the horntards but tell us something.  What did you eat for dinner today?  Did you buy any clothes recently?  Can you give us anything at all other than video games?  

She has another Instagrarm where she posts pictures of “FFXIV glams”.

It seems to be her created character in some Final Fantasy game.  She made it to try to resemble herself and she has bunny ears.  And the character is in some…I don’t know….kind of erotic poses, I guess?  This is pathetic.  Who can possibly be getting off to this?

So that’s Retro Ali.  Let’s hope that we can go at least another three months without talking about her again.

1 thought on “NINTENDO DIRECT 2.9.2022 REACTION! – Retro Ali

  1. Her entire demeanor screams Scott Pilgrim fangirl during all this.People like this scream over nostalgia bait even if its a game that you could emulate for free right now and upscale to look even better than it would if you played it on Switch for example after paying $60 which is overpriced in almost every case.

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