Gamer Girls

I haven’t watched this guy’s videos since he started shilling for Patreon. That must have been ten years ago. Was it really that long ago? It can’t have been. Maybe it was.

But he’s visiting Kelsey or whoever that chubby blonde woman is so let’s check it out.

0:00 – It starts with his wife’s annoying accent. I wonder why I find it annoying. Presumably, it’s a Seatle or thereabouts accent. Presumably, Metal Jesus has a similar accent. But I find hers annoying.

0:45 – They’re spending ten days in Japan split between Tokyo, Osaka, and Kyoto. It seems like too much to me. But they’re just doing this for a video, not for leisure.

1:15 – There are going to be four videos. Yeah, I’ll just be watching this one, thanks.

5:15 – He’s talking about the hotel. “Normally, my wife and I would try to get a king’s size bed.”

Umm…we don’t need to know this. What about a love hotel? They should have gone to a love hotel. And then describe every filthy detail.

So they got two singles and pushed them together. What? Why? Can’t you go one night without sleeping directly next to your wife? Well, Metal Jesus is an animal. He wants you to know this. He’s a passionate guy.

5:30 – High tech toilets.

I went to a toilet in a cafe in Paris and it was just a hole in the ground. And there was a woman in there…doing something. A bathroom attendant. But a woman? In the men’s toilets? And the toilet is just a hole in the ground? The people in Paris are pigs. Worst people I’ve ever encountered.

7:00 – He’s walking around at 6:00 am and says “It’s pretty difficult to get some espresso at this time of the morning.”

No shit, dumbass. Are cafes open at 6:00 in the US? I would think that 8:00 is the earliest that any cafe would open.

So he found a Starbucks and admitted that it’s lame to go to Japan to go to a Starbucks. At least he’s aware. And then he looked at the differences between Starbucks in Japan versus in the US. It’s true. It’s mildly interesting, I guess.

8:00 – He’s going to convience stores. I mean…it’s true that these things are interesting when you go on a trip but…do you want to admit that? Do you want to put that in a video? “I travelled all the way to Japan and the grocery stores are really cool. The trip cost $5,000.”

9:15 – His wife wanted to see his latte that he bought from 7-11 and she says “Show me. Show me, baby” in a seductive way. And earlier in the video, she was doing a pole dance on a train.

Maybe this is why he’s so keen to push those beds together. She’s as insatiable as he is. But I don’t want to think about this. They’re a couple of fat, middle-aged people. Well, good for them, I guess. She’s confident enough in herself to be pole dancing in public and it’s just like some middle-aged, chubby school teacher doing this.

The food they’re showing all looks absolutely disgusting, by the way. This is food that they claimed were examples of the high-quality stuff that you can get in Japanese convience stores.

10:15 – Kinsey. That’s it. I think I said Kelsey before. I always get her names confused with that woman who looks Asian but isn’t Asian. Metal Jesus hugs Kinsey while Kinsey’s househusband looks on, uncomfortable.

12:00 – People (I think only women) are carrying umbrellas and Metal Jesus thinks that it’s because they want to be in the shade and be slightly cooler. I really don’t think so. I think it’s because they don’t want to get dark. This is some obsession that Asian people, perhaps exclusively women, have.

12:30 – So now they’re looking at game. Eugh. This is going to be death.

15:00 – And now a word from our sponsor. Ken and Roberta Williams, the founders of Sierra. He’s shilling for a game that he himself gave a negative review to. And he’s saying that the reviews for the this game were largely negative. So they’ve been working on improving the game.

This is not encouraging. They released a game which even Metal Jesus, who’s apparently close personal friends with Ken and Roberta Williams, gave a bad review to. And they said suddenly decided to say, “Uh oh, we better turn this pile of shit into something good.”

I’m not buying it. In every sense of the word.

16:45 – Metal Jesus’ wife and some guy are standing in front of a bathroom holding their crotches. This is some kind of wierd fetish. We don’t need all of these sex references. Okay. Your wife is a freak. Good for you. Keep it to yourself.

17:30 – He thinks that $40 per person to drink unlimited (I guess) beer in a tiny karaoke room is a good deal.

How much beer is he drinking that $40 is a bargain? I can drink maybe four beers absolute maximum. That would be maybe $20, $25. I know that Metal Jesus is a big fat guy but…I don’t know. Is the average Japanese person able to consume $40 worth of beer?

I just looked it up. The average price of a beer in a bar in the US is $4.75. So assuming that prices are similar in Japan, he’d have to drink nine beers to get his money’s worth from this karaoke. Is he drinking nine fucking beers?

21:30 – Metal Jesus is going to Chubby Labs, which is where Kinsey works. Some complete fucking nerd with giant mutton chops greets them. Everybody who works there is white, by the way. And nobody speaks Japanese. Kinsey mentioned this in a previous video. The fact that nobody speaks Japanese, anyway.

22:00 – I want to kick this mutton chop asshole in the face.

That’s the video.

It was fine, I guess. There wasn’t much video game content, which I appreciate. And they seemed to do the sort of things I would expect you to do on vacation.

I could have done with fewer details about his freaky sex life. Whatever happened with that leaky basement/sex dungeon? They just moved house, didn’t they? After they collected money to repair the thing. Well, if you’re stupid enough to give money to a Youtuber to repair his sex dungeon, you perhaps deserve to get ripped off.