Gamer Girls

Why does Erin even make videos at this point? This is another absolutely zero effort, three minute video from her. “Here are three games that I’ve never played before and will never play again but I’m going to talk about them for a minute each anyway.”

Why bother? Her last four videos have all been under four minutes. Just extreme laziness. In the past 12 months, she’s made nine videos. Just stop. Nobody’s watching this shit anyway. She’s clearly given up. Why not just stop entirely?

0:00 – Bad Street Brawler. My friend had this game on PC. It wasn’t good but we played it. Then he gave me a copy? Maybe? Somehow I played it. Maybe I downloaded it years later. Maybe I played the NES rom. I don’t know. But I’m pretty familiar with the game so I must have played it a fair amount.

0:30 – She describes a weapon as a “bag of nickels”. It’s a bat. What are you fucking retarded?

0:45 – “I totally thought that this was a bat with a slinky attached to it.”

Hehe. “X looks like Y”. Am I right, guys? The height of Erin’s comedy.

She clearly only got to the second level in this game. Briefly.

1:00 – Days of Thunder. I had this game too. On the Game Boy. It sucked but I played it a fair amount. Yes, it’s boring to play a racing game where you go around a track 40 times but I appreciated the realism. I played it for many hours. This is what we had and at the time it was great. It was a huge step up from handheld games from just a few years earlier like…let me see if I can find it.

Yeah. Electronic Basketball. This thing:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Electronic_Basketball_by_Electronic_Readout_Systems,Inc.%28ERS%29,Model_003401,_Made_in_Hong_Kong%28LED_Handheld_Electronic_Game%29.jpg

Or, you can see a variant version in video form here:

The gameplay looks similar to what I had. I had the red one in the link. I played it for hours. Just a dot playing basketball. Kind of. You were able to get into a certain pattern and score repeatedly.

So go from that to Days of Thunder. It’s a massive shift. Yeah, I don’t want to play Days of Thunder today but when the choices were Days of Thunder or this weird Hong Kong basketball game where you play as a dot, I’m going with Days of Thunder.

1:15 – So Erin describes Days of Thunder as, “The most boring racing game I’ve ever played.”

Well, that doesn’t cover much ground. How many racing games has she played? I can’t think of any. If she hasn’t played it on stream, for money, she hasn’t played it. So…the comment is totally meaningless.

“At least the intro screen is kind of cute.”

Great commentary, Erin.

“I guess the beginning is some kind of practice stage where you have to finish the lap within 24 seconds”.

It’s the qualifying lap, you fucking idiot. I assume that it determines your order in the race. It’s been years since I’ve played so I don’t remember but that’s the usually the way with racing games. You didn’t know this, Erin? In the pantheon of racing games that you’ve played, you’ve never picked up on this?

1:45 – “The first race is 12 laps long. How are you supposed to get in front of the other cars when the acceleration sucks?”

By hugging the turns? How the fuck does Erin not know this? This is day one racing game knowledge.

“I was bored out of my mind by lap two.”

So she played the qualifying lap and one lap of the race. She played the game for about two minutes. She thinks that this qualifies her to do a review of the game. It’s fucking ridiculous.

2:00 – Itchy & Scratchy in Miniature Golf Madness. “I never played this before.” That’s me saying that. Erin, of course, is obsessed with the game and she’s going to give all of us gaming n00bs a complete rundown. Critique it for its brilliance.

“This isn’t a traditional golf game like you’d expect.”

Why would I expect that from an Itchy & Scratchy game? I don’t expect PGA Tour 2k23 from a game called Itchy & Scratchy Miniature Golf.

So Erin is bad at the game but she clearly only played it for a couple of minutes.

3:00 – “Do you agree with these choices being labelled as bad games?”

Well, I guess not. It’s not the conclusion that I disagree with, it’s your alleged expertise. You can’t play a game for two minutes and then do a review of it. It’s fucking preposterous. But this is what she does. This is what her entire Youtube “career” is based on.

That’s the video. By the way, she didn’t appear in it for ever one second. How is Shishi supposed to masturbate to this? I’m sure that he still found a way.

• “Your videos have become a lot shorter with a bigger gap between them.”

Erin replies, “Yeah they’ve been shorter, but I’ve actually been putting out content roughly every two weeks where before that it could be as long as a month in between videos. This time though it was three weeks in between due to going out of town, but yeah. It’s helping me be a little more consistent actually. If I do a letsplay or something though in the future then it will be as long as it needs to be.”

Yeah. Erin has been “out of town”. This is her euphamism for when she visits her parents once every two weeks.

But she used to make a video every week. Why did that stop? Fake carpal tunnel?

She must have accepted by now that her videos are complete trash and she’s never going to make money from this. Why it took her this long to figure out, I have absolutely no idea. I could have told her from day one that this shit was not going to work.

Then some horntard replies, “Who would complain about free entertainment? Thanks for your efforts.”

How dare somebody complain about this free, god awful, scam content? We should all be thankful that Erin graces us with these absolutely abysmal videos.

• “Yo, IRL Jessica Rabbit here to slay us internet nerd bois again? ❤ fucking AYYOOOOOGGGAAAAAAAAAA”

She didn’t even appear in the fucking video. What is this guy jerking off to?

• “Hi Erin, I was wondering if you can do a video of my challenge? I sent you an email about it describing what it’s about and what you have to do for it! I know it’s not exactly what you do on your channel but I’m asking everyone!”

Then he continues, “I was thinking, since you are a gamer, it can be Nintendo themed too. Like put the tub of shaving cream on top of the power pad before putting your feet in. Or maybe have a design in the shaving cream of like a NES controller or the Triforce from Zelda which would be pretty amazing. Anyway, let me know!”

What the fuck is this guy’s challenge? Something to do with shaving cream and the Power Pad. Obviously some weird sexual thing for this guy. Oh….what? She has to put her the shaving cream on her feet and then use the Power Pad. I think that that’s the challenge. Yeah, it’s clearly a sexual thing.

Well, maybe she’ll do it. It depends how desperate she gets for money. Maybe if Mike ever wakes up and kicks her out, she’ll do the video. This assumes that omega orbiter Joe from Gamesack isn’t there to swoop in.