NEWTrition: Mtn Dew Voo Dew Mystery Flavor 2023 Review – Newt Wallen

0:00 – Newt calls you, the viewer, one of his “little Halloweiners”. Creepy.

0:15 – He’s talking about a previous video that he did. “I think it was the first soda one that I did, or “pop”, depending on where you’re fucking from.”

I call it a “carbonated beverage.” Who gives a shit? Now get on with it.

Actually, I think that they’re called “fizzy drinks” in the UK. That’s pretty gay, right? No gayer than “pop”, I guess.

But we all know what you’re talking about. I lived in areas where people said “pop” but they also said “soda”. People knew what soda was. It’s not a secret.

If you order fries in the UK, they’ll know what you’re talking about. You don’t have to worry about saying “chips”. Everybody has long since figured all of this out.

I never say “wee” or “aye” despite the fact that these are popular terms in my neighbourhood. People still know what I’m saying when I say “small” and “yes”. They’re not fucking retards.

Actually, saying all of this, I remember a Scottish co-worker of mine in London who would say “aye” a lot. And people would say, “Oh, it’s so cute how she says ‘aye'”. I found it annoying as fuck and thought that she was just putting it on. Why can’t she just say “yes”?

But now having lived in Scotland for quite some time, I realise that first of all she wasn’t putting it on. People do genuinely say “aye” a lot. But secondly, it’s superior to “yes”. Different inflections convey different meanings. I’m not going to adopt it because I’d sound like a fucking gay pirate but I recognise the superiority of “aye” as a term of affirmation.

Back to the Ideas Man and his carbonated beverage.

1:15 – He drinks it and says that they taste like Airheads. What? Airheads? I might have had these twice in my life. As some shitty Halloween candy or something. Let me look for a picture.

Yeah, I don’t remember this at all. Maybe the packaging has changed.

He compared last year’s carbonated beverage to Sour Patch Kids. They sell these in the UK but I don’t think it’s the same thing. It can’t be.

Somebody posted pictures, now deleted, but maybe they’re the same. I mean, different ingredients and I saw pictures elsewhere that showed that they looked slightly different but maybe it’s all made by the same company.

2:15 – Newt says that they have Airheads in his movie theatre. Maybe that’s where I’ve seen them. Not Newt’s cinema in particular but in a movie theatre.

3:45 – He keeps going on about Airheads. Blue raspberry Airheads. Newt…it’s a fucking ghetto candy. It’s only sold in weird places.

There used to be a newspaper shop in my town. They sold stationery too. And candy. Lots of candy. Not just the shit that you’d find at the drug store or the grocery store but obscure stuff. Stuff like Airheads, probably. And they had penny candies in jars. I doubt that they were actually a penny. Probably five cents each.

What the hell was I talking about? I lost my train of thought. Let’s move on.

4:45 – “I’m not a huge Airheads guy.”

NOBODY IS! What the fuck? Am I crazy? I don’t even remember seeing them. I must have seen them at some point because I knew that it was a candy. But that’s the extent of my knowledge.

Anyway, mystery flavour. DumDums had a mystery flavour. Those were my favourite. Many years later, I read that the mystery flavour was just whatever was left in the machine. Like the machine would have an assortment of flavours going through it and somehow they would get mixed up. I don’t know the exact details. But that’s what the mystery flavour was. Allegedly.

I liked the butterscotch flavour as well. That’s peculiar because you wouldn’t think butterscotch would be good but…I don’t know. I liked it. And what other butterscotch stuff even exists? DumDums are a small sucker, by the way. Or “lolipop”. I have to explain regional differences in terminology like Newt.

I don’t even know what butterscotch is.

Oh. I’m looking at some Google images. Yeah, those candies that you’d get wrapped in celophane on Halloween. Those were fucking god awful. But I don’t know. The butterscotch DumDums were great.

6 thoughts on “NEWTrition: Mtn Dew Voo Dew Mystery Flavor 2023 Review – Newt Wallen

  1. The worst people gave out money on Halloween. Not dollar bills, that would be great but nickels and dimes. 10-15 fucking cents. These are the cheapest bastards on earth. I guess the ones who turned their lights off and stayed inside were the cheapest but I’m sure those were the sex offenders and no one told the kids. If a bag of candy cost $2.50 and there’s 10 pieces then each one costs 25 cents so these assholes would just give out 10 cents to look like they gave a fuck but also to save money. They must have thought we could just go buy something with it. It what did 10 cents buy in 1985? Fuck all!! As they say in the UK. A small candy bar was like 49 cents or something. So they were just dumping off old rusty change and writing it off as charity. Then we had a dentist in the neighborhood and his name was literally Lee Gook, a Korean immigrant. He gave out toothpaste on Halloween. Cultural differences I guess.

    1. I had a dentist and he said that he handed out candy on Halloween and then the parents would express shock that a dentist was handing out candy. So you can’t win as a dentist on Halloween. Those people have enough problems.

      I went to one house on Halloween and an old man answered and I thought that he was wearing a mask. No. It was his actual face. I was up there with some random kids who happened to be at the house at the same time. And he starts asking us where we’re from. That’s a weird question. So nobody answered.

      The mother of the other kids asked why he wants to know this and he said, “Well, I’m not going to give candy to the whole town. I’m only give it to kids who are local.” So we just just left.

      Maybe he had amazing stuff so had to be choosy in who he gave it to. I don’t know.

      Interestingly, my mother made an effort for Halloween. She would buy a lot of candy and put them in those little bags. There was a shitty little toy that went into each bag too.

      It was the same with school stuff. There would be a Christmas party or whatever and the kids would have to bring in “treats” for the class. Most kids were just given shit by their parents, a bag of fun-sized Snickers or whatever, but my mother would spend months making little craft shit for every kid.

      It’s interesting that she went out of her way for other people’s children, and yet didn’t give two shits about her own children. Completely disengaged in the whole parenting process. There are multiple examples of this.

  2. Having a soda machine combining flavor leftovers and calling it “mystery flavor” is genius. This is something I will be talking about in future meetings and I am sure I will be the focus of attention for at least 2 minutes.

  3. I regret to inform you that “ReNewt” is being cancelled as the ideas man said nobody watches. Maybe it’s also because his ideas are plagerized and really suck. That fact that he even made this series is insane from what he’s known for, oh well guess it’s back to banging prostitutes and mentally ill “men”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *