Pittsburgh Gaming Expo has retro, arcades, tabletop… tattoos? – John Riggs

0:00 – John Riggs is at yet another nerd convention, trying desperately to pick up chicks, and getting a tattoo. Spoiler: it’s unbelievably bad.

Then it cuts to him wearing his John Riggs baseball shirt that he got as part of some sponsorship promotion thing. Jesus Christ. Get some other shirts. He wore this in the last video I saw of his. Well, the guy is 300 pounds. I suppose that shirts are in limited supply in his size.

Oh, he’s in Pittsburgh, by the way. I wonder if he met any of the Screenwave crew. Or at least Horseface. He met Horseface, right? Wasn’t there some picture recently of him and Horseface? Now I have to check.

Yeah, I talk about it there. That was a different nerd convention. God, this is all that this guy does. He just goes to nerd conventions while his long suffering wife is at home with these extremely unfortunate children. How can he possibly have a job when he seems to ALWAYS be at some nerd convention across the country?

5:30 – Quick shot of the original Mr Wright Way. It’s literally like one second. John Riggs says “Hey, look who’s here” and Mr Wright Way says “hey” and then there’s an edit.

I guess he doesn’t want to offend Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” Cristal. But she’s married. Well, I guess he was trying to get with her even when she was married to Mr Wright Way so it doesn’t matter to him. John Riggs considers the sanctity of marriage to be somewhat over-rated.

10:00 – Some freak in a furry head getting a tattoo. Yeah, this is where I want to spend my time. With these completely socially inept losers.

13:45 – Quick creep shot of a purple-haired freak. John Riggs always seems to find them.

14:15 – Couple of butch lesbians holding hands. They’re in love. Spending their time at the nerd convention. Doesn’t get any more romantic than that.

15:00 – Another shot of Mr Wright Way. No mention of him.

16:30 – He’s showing some some of insect infestation outside the nerd convention.

20:00 – Now he’s just filming some asshole with a megaphone. As if going to this nerd convention isn’t painful enough now you have a guy walking around actively trying to make it worse.

Fortunately for this megaphone guy, none of the people at this nerd convention have any testosterone. Well, except for maybe those two lesbians.

25:30 – So finally we see the tattoo. It’s a…I don’t know. Some kind of blue gem. On his fat wrist. It’s the world’s worst placement. It’s a terrible tattoo. What the fuck is this? I assume that it’s a reference to some video game.

Then John Riggs says that he has carpal tunnel syndrome so can’t move his wrist. Then he demonstrates and indeed his wrist doesn’t seem to move much.

Maybe he can give some advice to Erin. Erin hasn’t talked about her carpal tunnel syndrome in quite some time. It just magically disappeared. She’s doing four hour streams with no problem. Interesting.

But yeah, John Riggs, what the fuck? How many health problems can one person have? I think that if he lost 100 pounds, he might find that some of these health problems go away.

And this tattoo…what the fuck was he thinking with this? You’re going to get chicks with this fucking shit?

In the comments, JOHN RIGGS says that it’s a rupee from Legend of Zelda. Is it? I’ve never actually played the game but I’ve seen Mike Matei play it a fucking billion times. Are they blue? They’re not blue. Are they?

I know that he’s bald, 46 years old, 300 pounds, married, has three children, doesn’t seem to have a job, makes Youtube videos about video games, and creeps on every woman he can find but why ADD to your list of reasons why women wouldn’t be interested in you? The tattoo might be the dealbreaker. There might be a woman out there who can overlook all of that other stuff but not the tattoo.

And it’s not like that tattoo is going to get you any women. Nobody ON EARTH is going say, “That rupee tattoo is really doing it for me. Sex later?”

I knew a guy who had some German insignia on his wrist. Not a swastika but something along these lines. He was a racist fellow and all but I think he got it to honour his German heritage. Nevertheless, he had enough sense to always wear a huge fucking watch to cover that tattoo.

John Riggs is going to need one of those Slime Time watches from the 1980s to cover that abomination that he has. You would actually get more chicks from wearing a Slime Time watch than you would from having that fucking tattoo.

And if we’re talking tattoos and picking up chicks, and it’s a choice between a racist tattoo and a nerd tattoo, you have to go with the racist tattoo every fucking time. For a lot of women it would be a turn on. They might associate it with prisons and they like the bad boys. Or maybe they’re just some crazy racist chick. Plenty of them out there.

But nerd tattoos? Come on. There’s NOBODY. NOBODY will be turned on by a nerd tattoo.

So what I’m saying, quite clearly, is that John Riggs should cover himself with racist tattoos if he wants to pick up chicks. Which is something that he clearly does want. That’s his whole reason for getting up in the morning. He’s constantly trying to pick up chicks.

Imagine him going through this fucking nerd convention, shirtless, and he’s covered in “SS” and “88” and Celtic Cross tattoos. And right on his man boobs he has a huge imperial eagle grasping a swastika. You’re telling me that he wouldn’t get chicks? He’d get somebody with that shit. Might be a man in a dress or that fucking furry but he’d get somebody.

5 thoughts on “Pittsburgh Gaming Expo has retro, arcades, tabletop… tattoos? – John Riggs

  1. That expo used to not have guests and made a point to say “we don’t have panels we don’t pay for travel” or something like that on their site to keep these kinds of people away, or at least fairly pay like everyone else. But of course these assholes don’t pay for shit. So I wonder what happened?

  2. How do those expo work? I mean, are they are sponsored? How do they make money?
    Because it looks like it takes time and dedication to rent the venue, contact all the participants, get marketing and so on… That would be somebody’s work.
    What would their “perfect customer” be? The nerdier the better? Why not hire a bunch of nice looking female models to attract more nerds?

    By the way, where are all the Erins of the world? Aren’t they supposed to be nerds and geeks and love everything about retro games? I’ve never seen any women on those videos.

    1. Expos make their money from selling table space to vendors. Each one is like $400 but honestly I don’t see how these things turn a profit. They must get the hall for free or else the math doesn’t add up

  3. spoiler alert: people like john riggs regularly attend those nerd expositions hoping someone will recognise them from their youtube videos. in his case, if the chick pickup process fails, he may have the solace of someone being able to tell who he is.

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