Gamer Girls

Hello, desperation.

So we’ve got Erin, 35+ years old, with no breasts, sitting next to a cardboard cutout of Jessica Rabbit that Mike has for some bizarre reason that we should perhaps not think about. It’s not a favourable comparison.

0:00 – “When you think of Rare, you probably think of Banjo Kazooie, Killer Instinct, and Battletoads.”

No. Don’t tell me what I think. Tell us what YOU think when you think of Rare. You know, during all of those times when you’re thinking about defunct video game developers. She doesn’t know what Rare is. Doesn’t have a clue. But she did mention Killer Instinct because that’s one of the few games that she apparently owned as a child.

0:15 – So now she’s telling all of us gaming noobs about the NES game Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Despite the fact that she recently had a stream where she WATCHED Mike play the game and openly admitted that she never played the game before (except for briefly, on stream, for money, during a “variety stream”).

So why is she now telling us about this game? This game that even she admits she has virtually no experience with? The stream was just recently. I talk about it here:

Mike Matei shows Erin Plays Roger Rabbit on NES! – Erin Plays

Two weeks ago. Has she been playing that game obsessively, in her spare time, for the past two weeks? No. Of course not. She hasn’t played it for one second. She couldn’t even play the game on stream. Even that was too much work for her. She just WATCHED Mike play the game.

But now, somehow, she’s an expert and she’s going to tell us all about the game.

1:45 – “When you finally make to Judge Doom, this has to the worst, most monotonous boss fight in any NES game ever.”

Let me remind you that she has NEVER played this game. She openly admitted this two weeks ago. And I assure you that she has not played the game in the intervening two weeks. But somehow, she can declare this to be the worst boss fight in any NES game. She also has almost no experience playing NES games broadly.

By the way, all of her complaints are complaints that Mike regularly makes about the game. He always complains about the joke section of the game, for example. So guess what? Erin also finds that section really annoying.

He wrote this. This is all his gameplay. Erin is just the whore who he threw in front of the screen to read this shit. It’s no different from what Mike does with James Rolfe.

2:15 – “I really hate this game.”

SHE NEVER FUCKING PLAYED IT! NOT ONE TIME!

This is a new fucking low.

2:30 – She’s talking about the phone number now. “I’m sure it’s just a porn number or something so I’m not going to dial it.”

SHE KNOWS THAT IT ISN’T. In that fucking stream that I linked to, from two weeks ago, Mike talked about this with her. He said that it’s NOT a porn number. It hasn’t been a porn number in however many years or decades. This was discussed. So why on earth did she say that it’s a porn number when she fucking knows that it isn’t? And she knows the history of it. She knows that it USED TO be. So why is she presenting this like she’s just GUESSING that it’s a porn number?

Because she’s a compulsive liar and she’s incapable of ever telling the truth.

2:30 – Double Dare. Erin is all about Double Dare. Erin, born in 1987 really loves Double Dare, a show that ended in 1993, when she was six years old.

And that’s just Family Double Dare. The original Double Dare, where it was teams of two kids, ended in 1989.

I don’t know how I feel about Family Double Dare. I sure as fuck wouldn’t want to be on that show with my family. And it seems…I don’t know…weird. Having slime and water and whatnot dropping onto your mother? The t-shirt clinging to her. And all of that weird food stuff? It’s probably a fetish to somebody. Somebody is probably jacking off to somebody wading through a pool of baked beans. But I suppose that that applies to the non-family variety of the show too. You can’t cancel a show just because some freaks have some weird food fetish.

But it’s the family dynamic that I find peculiar. Your mother and father are on a popular tv show digging through a pile of whipped cream and falling all over and then you’re supposed to respect these people? These people who made a complete ass of themselves on a popular cable channel? And for what? Two hundred bucks in shitty prizes? These are not people who make good choices in life.

There was another children’s gameshow called I’m Telling. This was a more overtly disturbing game show. It was The Newlywed Game but for siblings. The Newlywed Game, if you’re unfamiliar, was a raunchy game show in the 1960s through the 1990s, I believe, in various forms, where sleazy host Bob Eubanks would ask recently married couples questions about their sex lives. What’s the strangest place that you made “whoopee”, how much does your wife’s chest weigh, shit like this. These were actual questions, by the way. And it was these sorts of questions regularly. “Whoopee” was a regular feature on the show. It’s their euphamism for “intercourse”.

So I’m Telling took that format and said, “You know what, let’s use it on 8 to 12 year old children in regards to their sibling.”

I think that it was almost always a brother and sister as well, by the way. So, again, weird. REALLY weird.

I don’t remember the sort of questions that they asked. I assumed that it was nothing overtly sexual. But it very well could have been.

Because I do remember a question during a “special” family version of the show. It was a brother and sister and their parents, if I recall correctly. And the question was, “What are your mother’s measurements?”

I’m not making this up. They asked like 10 year old kids what their mother’s measurements were. Ten year olds don’t know. They have no fucking idea. They don’t understand the concept. So they just said three random numbers.

Then the mothers had to come on to the show and tell the entire country, on network television (it was a Saturday morning game show, I believe, on NBC) what their measurements are.

Anyway, I digress. Back to the inane non-antics of Erin Plays.

2:42 – Erin posts a brief screenshot of Family Double Dare where there’s a mother in a giant pasta bowl, kneeling down, with her arms outstretched, in a weird sexual pose. And her daughter is standing behind her, presumably mortified and I have no doubt that this incident has been discussed with many therapists. It’s just weird.

I’m not saying that there’s anything…overtly sinister but…I don’t know. It’s weird.

So anyway, Erin pretended to play this Double Dare game too. Great.

4:15 – Time Lord. Erin pretended to play this game too.

So that was another completely zero effort video from Erin. With “help” by Mike Matei. Mike wrote this. He provided all of the game footage. He edited this. All Erin did was squeeze into a shitty Halloween costume and read the script. Poorly.

And what was the point of this costume anyway? She could have just as well dressed up as Marc Summers. Or maybe she could have dressed up as her favourite game show show host: Ray Born. You know, from Match Game.

Just about every comment is from horny retards talking about how hot Erin is. I won’t copy and paste them. I don’t even want to look at this shit. But I did notice that Erin replied to this one:

• “Damn Erin makes thotting acceptable.”

Erin says, “lol!!!” because she’s boring as fuck and never has anything interesting to say.

But by replying at all, she’s giving legitimacy to this guy’s comment. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m a 35 year old unemployed woman desperately trying to make money on Youtube. I have no personality, I know nothing about video games, and I’m boring as fuck so I’m just trying to dress up as a prostitute to get views. lol!!!”

• “Even dressed as Jessica, no tits/legs, no tit line, no sexy stuff, no ostensibly “trojan” sexual mouth movement and face expressions for the clickbait. I approve.”

I can’t figure out if that guy is being positive or negative.

• “Sorry Erin, but there is an easier way to beat Doom. You do not build up the punch by bouncing. What you do is you build a constant tap and back doom into a corner with multiple punches as you hit him with those weak punches, it builds up to strong punches and you just keep doing that and in about 20 -30 sec, doom is down. Then just pick up the dip cannon and go down and kill doom.”

Hey…retard…she never played the game.