The Ladies of Schlock And Awe Films: Abayomi/Alison – Newt Wallen

0:15 – Newt calls this woman “Abi” even though it’s not her name and nobody calls her that.  He’s proud of this fact.

I should state the woman is black.  So there’s maybe something of a racial element here.  You don’t get to name her.  

But race aside, it’s obviously inappropriate to call somebody a name that isn’t their actual name.  And to continue doing this, knowing that it isn’t their name.

0:30 – Newt says that this woman has been working with him for 10 years.  Whatever that even means.  What is he doing?  Show me the Newt Wallen filmography.  Where can I get the complete Newt Wallen collection?

I’m aware of ONE film that he had some kind of involvement in.  And from all accounts, it’s shit.


Newt: You’ve been covered in slime.

Abayomi: I’ve been slimed.  I’ve been covered in blood.

Newt: You were in hours of makeup for Planet Frankenstein.

Abayomi: Duct tape.

Newt: Duct tape.  The very first scene we ever shot together, was for Coin(???) Slots (Abayomi begins to kneel down) where he ex-husband was standing there and she has to go down on me (Abayomi begins making gagging sounds) and I just looked over and I’m like, “Oh my god.  What are we doing?”

Abayomi: I read the script.  I knew what my assignment was.  I was good with it.  He read it too.  He was like, “Oh, that’s interesting.”

Newt: Yeah, that’s very interesting.

What a total scumbag.  Is this the only way that he can be close to a woman?  By paying them to be in his shitty movies?  I don’t even know if he’s paying them.  He’s just preying on desperate women who want to be actresses.

1:15 – 

Abayomi: Was that at TNT?

Newt: Yeah.  TNT Amusements.

This is a good opportunity for me to talk about that guy.  

I’ve been subscribed to his channel for…I don’t know…at least five years.  It’s a guy in his 60s, I’d guess, and he sells pinball machines and arcade video games.  From what I’ve gathered, he was kind of a local celebrity, decades ago, in the Pennsylvania area, because he would run infomercials advertising his company.

He thinks that he’s a celebrity.  He thinks that people know who he is.  But it’s only people in the Pennsylvania area, who are of a certain age and might remember his infomercials, and people in the local pinball/arcade game community.  That’s it.  But he presents himself as a celebrity.  He used to offer autographed pictures of himself as prizes for weird contests.  

He used to make videos on a regular basis, maybe once or twice a week.  It would mostly be him showing pinball machines that his employees are working on.  There was some cringe stuff in there, but I’d watch them.  The cameraman Frank was awful.  He had no charisma.  His jokes were shit.  And he was a jerk.

Which leads me to the owner.  Oh, I never mentioned his name.  It’s Todd.  This guy is a colossal asshole.  For a brief time, he would do a “Jerk of the Week” or something segment, where he would highlight emails or something that he didn’t like.  

So somebody would email him asking for help about fixing a game, for example.  Todd HATED this.  So he would put these people on full blast for having the audacity to ask for help.  He even called one of these people up and said that he would offer telephone support for $50/hour or something and the guy on the other end of the phone was clearly upset with that.

I understand not wanting to help these people.  They didn’t buy the game from you.  They’re not offering any money for your expertise.  You’re under no obligation to help these people.  You’re running a business.  Fine.  But just don’t fucking respond to the emails then.  You don’t have to be a fucking asshole about it.  

He stopped doing these “Jerk of the Week” videos because people were giving him shit for it.  I remember onne comment was something like, “I’m not sure which one is supposed to be the jerk here.”

He also had a real hang up about tips.  He would insult people for not tipping his staff.  So if they delivered a game, it was expected that you tip the movers.  And he would ask his employees if they got tipped.  If they said “no”, Todd would insult these people and explain that tips are customary.  And his suggested tip was $50 for each mover.

There are Google reviews of this guy’s business.  In addition to selling pinball machines and arcade machines, they also rent the warehouse out for parties.  Children’s parties mostly, but also emotionally stunted adults.  You can go there and play the games and he has some weird shit on the walls and whatever.

One woman left a negative review.  There was something that she didn’t like, I don’t remember.  

So Todd responds saying that her child seemed to enjoy the party but that they’re now banned from ever having a party there again, as a result of this negative review.  He also insulted her for not leaving a tip.

Why would somebody leave a tip if they didn’t like the fucking service?  Why would somebody leave a tip even if they did like the service?  For a party?  For movers?  Is this what people are doing?  I wouldn’t think of tipping in these situations.  Fucking pay your staff an appropriate wage so that they won’t have to rely on tips.

For a brief time, there was an 18 year old guy working there.  And Todd would make creepy fucking comments to this guy.  I can’t remember what they were now.  There was some sexual half-joke that he would say a lot.  And it clearly made this guy uncomfortable.  He said something like, “You always say this” and was clearly annoyed by this.

Todd didn’t like this guy pointing out that he always says this joke.  Todd expects everybody to laugh at his shit, sometimes creepy jokes at all times.  He didn’t like it when this guy stood up to him.

So the guy quit the job after a month?  Maybe six weeks.  And he said that he was going to go to college instead of working with this creepy old man.  Todd was disappointed with that.

Now, I think that it would have been good for this 18 year old guy to learn a trade like pinball restoration.  It’s something that not many people do, you can probably make some money doing it.  You can even start your own business where you restore and sell pinball machines.  Whatever.  

But if it involves working with Todd, I can understand this guy saying, “You know what?  This isn’t for me.  I’ll just go to college and do whatever.”

The Screenwave people and James Rolfe and Mike Matei all know Todd.  They filmed that terrible Polybius video there.  They’ve mentioned this guy a few times.  Whatever.  He’s a local celebrity in the Pennsylvania video game scene.

But he’s a dick.  That’s what it comes down to.  For a brief time, I considered purchasing a pinball machine from this guy but the more videos I saw from him, the more I asked, “Do I really need a pinball machine?”

Since shortly after covid, all of his videos are just livestreams.  They’re unwatchable.  Terrible video quality, terrible sound quality.  Frank was out, so I thought that this would be an improvement but the replacement cameraman was HORRENDOUS.  He called everybody “sir”.  It was annoying as fuck.  I actually wished for Frank to return.

So anyway, that’s what Newt and Abayomi are talking about here.  They apparently filmed some shit “movie” at this Todd guy’s business.  

Newt says that the movie in question was a “Fake 80s sexploitation arcade comedy”.  Uh huh.  Tits and gore, you say.

1:30 – 

Newt: I found out some interesting information today.  Abi/Ally is pregnant.  And I said, “Wait.  When was the last time we saw each other?  Okay, good.  I’m safe.”

What a disgusting subhuman Newt is.  Why does he have to be such a disgusting pervert with everybody?  

The woman is pregnant and the first thing he does it make a “I HAD SEX WITH YOU” half-joke.  Presumably, the father of this child would not find that joke amusing.  If I was the father of this poncho woman’s unborn baby, Newt would be too busy picking his teeth up to make any further sleazy half-jokes.

1:45 – “I want to thank you for all of the years of being in my corner and believing in my dumb bullshit.”

It’s always about Newt.  Newt thinks that everything that everybody does is to prop him up.  “We love you Newt!  Let’s all support Newt.”

No.  People have their own lives and their own interests.  They’re appearing in your shitty movies because they hope to get something out of it.  If there’s some tiny, microscopic chance that appearing in a Newt Wallen movie will maybe lead to getting an actual acting job, these desperate people are willing to do it.  They’re not doing it because they love Newt Wallen and want only the best for him.

But he’s such a narcissist that it’s all about him.  And he doesn’t give a fuck about what the actual motivations for these people might be.  It doesn’t even occur to him that they might just be struggling, fame-hungry, delusional people who just want to get into acting.

2:00 – This is Abayomi talking.  “I’m excited because I love your brain, which is why I keep coming back to do these projects.”

She’s feeding Newt’s narcissistic delusions.  And he’s smiling throughout this because this is what he wants to hear.  And she knows this.  

2:15 – “There’s four people, well, three people now, who I write everything for.”

Horseface reference.  She got demoted.  But he still has to talk about her.

But Abayomi got upgraded.  Interesting.  Because in a previous video, Newt said that he had three muses INCLUDING Horseface.  His muses then were Mr Lobo, that weird bearded guy who owns some toy store, and Horseface.  There was no mention of Abayomi.  This is the first time that we’ve ever seen or heard anything about this woman.  But this is one of Newt’s muses now and he claims that she’s been his muse for years.  Up to ten years.

It’s bullshit.  This is all bullshit to make Newt feel good about himself.  He wants to feel like everybody loves and supports him.  We’re all here for Newt.  We all want Newt to succeed.

And you read the Youtube and/or Twitter comments from these men in dresses, and this is what they say.  “WE LOVE YOU NEWT!  CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOUR NEXT PROJECT!”  He’s conditioned these she-males to leave responses like this.  It’s all just to feed his delusions.

Newt, let me give you a dose of reality: we don’t fucking care.  We all have our own lives.  If you want to make movies, you can make movies.  The movies are going to be complete dogshit so I’m not going to watch them.  But you do your thing.  I’m doing my thing.  

I don’t need people to tell me how great I am.  No normal, healthy person with any shred of self-esteem and self-respect needs this.  But Newt needs this.  And he doesn’t even try to hide it.  It’s pathetic.

2:30 – Stellar job from the camera operator.  Their thumb was in the frame earlier and now some piece of equipment creeped into the frame.

So anyway, this woman says that she’d still like to be in Newt’s shitty productions even though she’s pregnant and suggested that they could work her pregnancy into the script.  Newt says, “A little Newt comes out”, referring to this woman giving birth to…a little Newt.  Once again, Newt is making a creepy half-joke about being the father of this woman’s child.

3:00 – “I’m also having you drawn into Florida Man Saves Christmas as one of the strippers.”

What a disgusting piece of shit Newt is.

3:15 – “I wanted to thank you for always being in my corner and believing in me.”

Newt wants more kudos.  What about thanking this woman for doing a good job in your movies?  No.  It’s just all about him.

4:00 – Newt is talking about some stupid joke that he allegedly wrote and put in some shit movie.  He says that, “If you create something good, you can use it three times.  I can plagiarise myself.”  Abayomi gives an awkward reply.

That’s the video.  Nobody can possibly think that Newt is ever going to make a good movie.  They’re just doing this in the vain hope of maybe one day being an actor.  And Newt makes it all about himself.  He’s vile.

– “Gotta say, man.. you were talking about the Muse a few months back who decided to make other life choices, and you stand there next to a super positive person whose had your back for 10 years and always helps with all the projects? And then we have the one girl from the Morbius review and other reviews, plus the people who draw on your board about the crew being there? Seems like you have a few Muses in your life. :)”

Yeah, that’s a really pretty dress that you’re wearing, Rocco.

More conditioned bullshit talking about Horseface and how great Newt is.

Newt responds to every comment with stuff like, “Im lucky that some peeps stuck around to help me achieve my dream”

It’s just the same fucking thing over and over again.  It’s all about Newt.  Newt thinks that people only exist to love and support him.

He also talks about Horseface CONSTANTLY in these comments.  About how one day she’ll wish that she didn’t stop talking to him and shit like this.  It’s creepy as fuck.  

Somebody leaves a comment wanting to see Coin Slots and Newt says, “It’s on the channel, I think.”

It isn’t.  Or if it is, it’s not called Coin Slots.  

So I looked it up.  “Coin Slots” and “Newt Wallen”.  I also tried with “Coinslots”, one word.  There are just links to Midnight Show, Newt’s movie that he’s been working on for over ten years.  I guess that it’s one of the “trailers” that will allegedly be in Midnight Show.  From what I’ve pieced together, Midnight Show will just be a series of bad fake trailers.  

Wasn’t there a movie like this?  How silly of me.  Of course not.  Newt Wallen only does ORIGINAL material.

But no, there was some Quentin Tarantino movie that had fake trailers in it.  Grindhouse?  Yeah, that was it.  It wasn’t the whole movie, I guess, it was just parts of it.

I saw that in the cinema with my girlfriend.  It’s two full length movies and they had fake trailers between the movies and maybe at other points.  So it was like three hours long.  I think that they cut it into two separate movies for later releases in order to maximise profit.

Anyway, don’t expect Tarantino levels of writing or cinematography from Newt Wallen.

2 thoughts on “The Ladies of Schlock And Awe Films: Abayomi/Alison – Newt Wallen

  1. The fact he actually uploads these ego stroking videos has gotten downright scary. I'd be so worried if I was a woman in his vicinity.He thinks shit like this is so normal too. Surreal.

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