The Godfather is Still A Classic 50 Years Later! – Tony from Hack the Movies 

Oh, Tony is talking about something that isn’t a horror film for teenage boys.  What a pleasant surprise.  

Unfortunately, this is over two hours long.  Doubly unfortunately, that super hot actor guy who all of the horntards want to have sex with is in this one.  And his super sexy sister Trisha who the horntards are actually LESS interested in than her brother is also here.  The homosexual horntards really came out in force for this guy’s debut video.  I reviewed it here:

This is going to be some dumb bullshit about Italy.  They’re going to make a bunch of stupid jokes and references about Italy.  Because when you think of Italy, you think of Tony from Summarise the Movies.  And this woman who hasn’t lived in Italy since she was about 8 years old.  And her brother who I think also left Italy about the same age.

Why even make this about Italy?  It cheapens the movie.  Obviously, it’s about Italians and Italian-Americans but why not have non-“Italian” people on to show the broad appeal of the film?  It’s not like only Italians and “Italians” like The Godfather.  

Anyway, I’ve got two hours to watch here and I just know that I’m going to watch every minute so let’s not waste any more time.  I’ll get my pillow ready.

0:00 – Yeah.  I knew it.  It starts off with Tony in his “Italian” shirt (it’s somehow supposed to be Italian, I’m not sure why…the colours and maybe something to do with the style, he’s worn this a few times) and he says “hello” in Italian.  His co-host, Robert Redford, is in a suit like he’s supposed to be in the mafia.  And his sister is dressed like a prostitute like she’s a mobster’s mistress or something.  I guess.  

0:15 – “This is a very Italian episode.”

I’m about done already.  This could be a new record.  What if I just turned it off here?  Twenty-two seconds, I’m done, fuck this.  

I’ll try to move on.  Hopefully they get less annoying as time goes on.

3:00 – Tony says that the book is “horny”.  Not sure how that works.  But then Trisha says that that’s how Italians are.  Somebody says something about how it’s sleazy.  So Lorenzo Lamas over here says, “Italians are sleazy?” to his sister.

It’s weird.  All of this is weird.  And he’s right, that was a bizarre comment that was obviously insulting to Italians.

Trisha keeps speaking Italian and Fabio over here gets really annoyed by this.  He represents the viewer.

5:00 – Now Trisha is teaching us how to make a toast in Italy.  

I’m officially done.  I can’t watch this.  It’s unwatchable.

– “Beautiful Trisha, Handsome Frank and Rocky Tony! What a cast! 100% smart, funny and very attractive people in this fine review!”

Well, that guy is watching.  With his pants around his ankles.

– “I swear Trisha has some kind of tick… it’s almost automatic when she corrects someone in their pronunciations even in casual conversation. It’s really annoying”

At least I’m not the only one who finds her annoying.  Her brother, Gina Lollobrigida, leaves a comment defending this obnoxious behaviour.

How did Hack the Movies aka Talking About Tapes fall so disastrously?  Was it ever good?  I mean, I never liked it but I was able to watch the fucking episodes.  I’d put it on as background noise while I did other stuff.  I can’t even do that any more.

I think that Newt was a big part of the equation.  Also, he used to do movies that weren’t horror.  Nowadays, it’s basically all shitty horror movies.  Another big factor is that the earlier episodes weren’t fucking two hours long.  They would be 45 minutes to an hour.  I can do that.  Maybe.  If it’s not a complete pile of shit.

Newt was absolutely god awful when Crystal Quin was on the show but he was fine when she wasn’t there.  These new people who Tony brought on to replace Newt are all bad.  And they’re mostly women.  He gets fucking Horseface McGee and Johanna and Trisha.  These are terrible substitutes.  They either bring nothing to the show or, in the case of Horseface, they’re a massive detriment to the show.

There’s also some guy.  I think that he works at Screenwave.  He’s from something called Movie Dumpster.  He’s another complete non-entity.  Same with Johanna and Trisha and Trisha’s brother John Travolta.  They bring no energy to the proceedings, no personality.  I’m sure that they’re nice people (some of them, anyway) but there’s no showmanship.  They’re not matching Tony’s, for lack of a better term, charisma.  They’re subservient to Tony.  They’re just there to laugh at his shit jokes and be along for the ride.  Tony leads all of this.

Newt was able to take charge at appropriate times, not be overbearing, and put some personality out there.  It wasn’t just The Tony Show with some interchangeable vanilla stooges.  It was the Newt and Tony Show.  You’d tune in to hear what Newt has to say and what Tony has to say.  Not that either of them ever had anything interesting to say but there was a level of charisma that both of them had.  A low level, but still a level.  These other people have nothing.  Or in the case of Horseface, she’s a negative influence on the show.

And the fact that he relies so much on women now really shows that he’s totally given up on making a good show and is just chasing the horntard market.  He’s constantly talking about views and which videos do better than others and shit like this.  He’s only interested in numbers and the way he’s trying to achieve this is by putting women on the show.  Completely uncharismatic women who have nothing interesting to say.

If he knew a woman who had some charisma and knew something about movies and could talk, fine.  Put her on.  It’s not about the gender.  But find somebody good.  Man, woman, ladyboy, I don’t give a shit.  

There aren’t many people who fit the bill.  Clearly, Tony doesn’t know anybody who can do this.  So getting rid of Newt, your friend of many years, over some stupid plagiarism shit on an autistic man’s Youtube channel was a really big fuck up.  

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