Commodore 64 – Angry Video Game Nerd – Cinemassacre

Thirty minutes?  Well, the boys on Reddit say that it’s good.  They also said “no time”.  Hehe.  Like that thing that James says!  That NEVER gets old.

0:00 – “VPNs are important, so that’s why I wanted to take a moment to talk about today’s sponsor.”

I don’t follow.  Is this just a public service announcement or is he getting paid for this?  He’s getting paid, right?  So why did he start with a blatant lie?  VPNs aren’t important.  

I used to use proxies back in the day.  It’s the same thing, right?  There was a chat room that I’d go to, just for local people to talk, it was a homemade site, and they’d always try to ban me.  Probably justifiably, I was kind of insulting sometimes.  Still, people liked me going there.  I brought something interesting to the table.  And I wasn’t overly insulting.  It was all in good fun.

But yeah, they’d sometimes try to ban me.  So I’d have my proxy list open in one window and the chat in the other.  The bans only kicked in after you typed something and pressed “send” or whatever.  So as long as you changed your proxy after every message, they couldn’t ban you.  And the chat let you use HTML so I’d make it look like other people were saying stupid shit and I’d make it look like I got banned and things like this.  

Then I went away to graduate school for a year and didn’t use the internet much.  Then when I went back to this chatroom, it was largely deserted.  It’s a shame.  This was like 20 years ago.  It’s crazy to think that some of those people are probably dead now.  

But yeah, the internet was more fun back then.  Personal homepages and Napster and chat rooms and whatnot.  Now it’s all homogenised.  Social media and whatnot.  I never used any of that shit.  

So anyway, Jimmy again tells you that you should use this VPN to watch shit on Netflix that’s not available in your country.  Is that really what VPNs are for?  I don’t think so.  Because first of all, as I’ve said many times before, I’m pretty sure that this is against Netflix’s terms and conditions.  

VPNs are for people who are concerned about governments and agencies harvesting your data.  Isn’t that what Jimmy says?  Something like that.  I know that they’re popular in China to get around the government firewall.  They block a lot of sites.  So great for China but…I don’t live in China.

1:45 – Jimmy hits himself in the head with a phone.  Can anyone explain this?  It just came out of nowhere.  

Oh.  I wasn’t really listening.  I’ve already zoned out.  Jimmy said that “PS4” stands for “piss on the floor”.  I don’t know why.  Why would it stand for that?  But then he says that he’s too late for that “joke” because the PS5 is out.  That’s when he hits himself with the phone.  It still doesn’t make sense but…whatever.

2:00 – He says that it’s episode 198.  Hello, autism.

4:00 – He sticks an all-metal butter knife into the disc drive of this thing.  Put this on the list of stupidly dangerous things that Jimmy Rolfe has done.  

4:45 – He shows like a piano keyboard that you overlay on the computer keyboard.  That’s actually cool.  I’m surprised that this didn’t take off.  It would be an economical way to learn to play the piano.  And you’d be able to do shit on the computer with it.  Write music and whatnot.  

9:30 – Jimmy references the fact that this is the 198th episode again.  We get it.  Autism.  You’re obsessed with numbers.  Move on.

He’s just showing a bunch of licensed games.  Who gives a fuck?  Maybe show some good games.  Or bad games.  But don’t limit this to licensed games.  

I mean, were people doing this?  Were people specifically looking for licensed games?  I didn’t have any.  I mean for my PC.  I didn’t have a Commodore 64.  Those were shit compared to a PC at the time.  But yeah, I knew that licensed games were bad.  I wasn’t fucking retarded.

19:30 – Now, after spending more than half the video on licensed games, he looks at some non-licensed games that he doesn’t seem to care much for.

22:00 – Street Hassle.  He doesn’t even mention that this game is better known as Bad Street Brawler.  Or that it was also on the NES.

Oh.  I looked it up.  It was called Street Hassle in Europe.  Of course, Kieran didn’t know any of this.  This is all way before his time.  Even Jimmy didn’t know this.  It’s before his time.

I knew one person who had a Commodore 64.  Nobody was impressed.  It was grossly outdated by the time I was a kid.

He seems to be “reviewing” a lot of British games and doesn’t even mention this.  But it would explain the British terms and concepts found in these games.

28:45 – Finally, a bodily fluid reference.  I was starting to think that Kieran and/or Jimmy could go an entire episode without this shit.  No.  They couldn’t.  They’re showing a video game character using the toilet.

Then he says that there’s going to be a part 2 about horror games.  Oh great.  

Kieran only got editing credit for this one.  So I guess that it was written entirely by Justin.  

So…I appreciate that there was only the one toilet “joke”.  However, this episode wasn’t funny in the slightest.  But AVGN hasn’t been funny in many, many years.  And even back in the day, I was hardly busting a gut to this shit.

In terms of being interesting…maybe a 3 out of 10.  I mean, he just went over some games.  Briefly.  There was nothing particularly interesting.

I mean, this was a better episode than Screenwave usually produces but only because of the lack of excrement references.  

Let’s check to see what the boys on Reddit have to say again.

– “The fucking “jokes” are horrendous. I guess it’s “le random” zoomer humor? Is it funny because PS4 sort of sounds like “piss floor”? Why did he hit himself with the phone?”

Yeah.  I had the same complaint.  It didn’t make sense.

He also references a couple of other “jokes” that I didn’t like: building a house of cards out of floppy discs and that yelling sound that he made with the printer paper.  That paper one was really annoying.

So yeah.  It wasn’t good but there was a general absence of bad.  That’s probably as much as we can hope for at this point.

4 thoughts on “Commodore 64 – Angry Video Game Nerd – Cinemassacre

  1. I appreciate the intellectual discourse. I'm sorry that my prose about “gamer grrls” on the internet who I don't like isn't up to your literary standards. I'll strive to do better.

  2. You raise an interesting point. Originally, I resisted writing about Cinemassacre or Tony from Hack the Movies or John Riggs because they didn't fit the theme of the blog, being men and all. But a while back, somebody suggested that I should write about Cinemassacre as well. And that guy on Reddit recently mentioned that I write about Cinemassacre, this obviously being the draw for him. Also, my articles on Cinemassacre do about as well as stuff about Erin, and Erin is top dog at Gamer Grrls.John Riggs was my own bright idea going back a couple of years. He was the first non-gamer grrl who I wrote about. I just noticed that he responded to EVERY gamer grrl out there on Twitter and their Youtube channels and whatever. So it became a joke that I started writing about him as well. I rarely write about him now but his stuff does surprisingly well. I don't know who is possibly reading it. Who would come here to read stuff about John Riggs? But they do.Tony from Hack the Movies also does pretty good in terms of numbers and I just liked writing about him. Not so much any more. His Talking About Tapes shit is unwatchable now that it's become Talking About Tapes Starring Crystal Quin and he's really phoning in the Godzilla podcast now.So it's been an evolution. Slowly adding guys to the mix, which isn't really what I want because it takes me off-brand but…most of these gamer grrls are just unbelievably boring. It got to the point where I had to kick Pelvic Gamer out and basically everybody but Erin and Madam Fomo are on the fence. And the new gamer grrls I found: Zap Cristal and TheGebs24 just aren't doing it for me. They're pretty boring too. If Erin ever retires, I'm going to be in some real trouble. She's the backbone of the whole operation. Well, I guess that I can do something else. Take up knitting or something. Lots of hobbies out there.

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