Trying out Star Parodier (PC Engine CD) – Erin Plays

Hey, new background.  You know how a lot of “gaming” “Youtubers” will make videos in front of a shelf of games?  Well…Erin is kind of doing that.  The Dollar Store version, anyway.  

Holy shit.  I mean, come on.  Mike has money.  Is this really the best that she could do?  She has a little set of shelves, the cheapest shelves that Ikea sells, and some cheap video game knickknacks on there.   Her stuffed cacodemon, for example.  As a reminder, I’d like to point out that Erin played Doom about three times in her life.  Last year.  On stream, for money.  But now she’s all about Doom.

That shelf is just insanely low-effort.  But this is what she does.  She doesn’t put effort into anything.  And it shows.

Also has a Strokes t-shirt.  Hey guys!  Remember The Strokes?  Well, I’ve heard the name.  Let me check Youtube for their biggest hits.  Oh yeah.  Last Night.  Someday.  Camp shit.  This was during an era when boy band pop music was taking over.  Fine for 12 year old Erin and homosexual men but no, that’s not for me.

So let’s check out this game that she’s playing for the first and last time ever.  On stream, for money.  

0:00 – “So you’re going to see why I’m obsessed with this.”

She starts the stream off with a lie.  The title clearly indicates that she’s playing the game for the first time.  She does not play fucking games in her spare time.  It’s absurd.  Why the lies?  People who are “obsessed” with games play them in their spare time.  That’s the minimum requirement.  Erin doesn’t do that.  Only on stream, for money.

0:15 – “Three streams a week?  I try to at least stream three times a week.  I’ve just been having trouble trying to cram everything I need to do into a day.”

What does she have to do?  She has no job.  THIS is her “job”.  

I’m only kind of working because of coronavirus.  And even before this shit, I was only working like 15 hours a week.  Let me tell you, I have free time.  Lots of it.  

All I have to do is walk to the grocery store every few days, put the dishes in the dishwasher every few days, put clothes in the washing machine about once a week, prepare meals, write GamerGrrl articles, and bathe.  All of that shit doesn’t take up much of my time.  I still manage to play video games like 12 hours a day.  

What is Erin doing that’s keeping her so busy?  How much buttsex can Mike possibly require?

1:00 – “So as I was saying, I did play this briefly before.  I believe on the mini.”

That’s right.  She played this briefly, on stream, for money on the TurboGrafx mini or whatever it was called.  Let me check the archives.

I talk about it there.  It was almost a year ago.  Star Parodier was the first game that she played on this thing.  And she said that she really liked it.  So why is she only now talking about how “obsessed” she is with it?  Why hasn’t she been playing it AT ALL in the past year, in her spare time?  Only now are we hearing about it again.

“Now we own the actual cart and I’m so happy.”

Mike owns it.  But why…it doesn’t make sense.  There was nothing preventing her from playing the game on the Turbografx mini.  It’s the exact same fucking game.  

1:15 – “Look at that castle.  Who lives in there?”

Somebody with a job.

“Look at these little boingy-boings.”

This is absolutely unwatchable.  But you have Shishi there jerking off to this.  I don’t get it.

Okay.  She keeps asking the chat how the powerup system works.  Doesn’t she know?  She’s “obsessed” with this game.  It’s just fucking disgusting.  The constant lies from her.  And BAD lies.  Lies that are obviously lies.  

2:45 – “Is this like Twinbee?  I don’t think it’s anything like Twinbee.”

It’s exactly like Twinbee.

Go to 9:00.  Identical stage with the domed space castles.  And they’re both “cute” vertical shooters.  

3:15 – “Doesn’t that look like little Twinbee ships?  I think they do.”

Yeah.  So did that guy in the chat who you just shot down.  I mean, what the fuck?  She just got done saying that the game ISN’T like Twinbee.

3:30 – “If you’ve just joined, please note that I am playing as a PC Engine.  Look how cute.”

Oh god.  Why would anybody watch this?  I just don’t get it.  She has NOTHING to say.  There’s not a single interesting idea in that empty head of hers.  She’s as mentally challenged as her fucking horndog “fans”. 

3:45 – “Look at the stars.  Oh my god.  Look at the CDs.”

WE CAN SEE THEM!  And she’s just apparently dazzled by everything in the game even though she started the stream by suggesting that she’s been playing this game A LOT in her spare time.  

She didn’t even know that the character shot CDs.  How did she not know this if she’s “obsessed” with the game?  It’s something that you discover within the first four minutes of playing the game.  

4:15 – “Look at it.  Because PC Engine CD, you know, they’re CDs.  I was going to say ‘CD cartridges’ but you know what I mean.”

Yeah.  You’re an idiot and you have absolutely nothing of interest to say.

4:30 – “I also need to tweet pictures of the instruction manual.”

Why?  Anyone who is interested in this shit has already seen it.  THIRTY YEARS AGO.

5:00 – “I just realised.  I have a shelf now.  I have an (some Pokemon).  I can put him here.”

Yeah.  That really makes all the difference.  Putting some shit Pokemon toy that you don’t give a fuck about on your shitty little shelves.

She also said that she didn’t have bombs.  So somebody in the chat says, “You have six bombs.”  It clearly says that in the lower left of the screen.  But Erin doesn’t have a fucking clue.  She never played this before, except for that one time, briefly, last year, on stream, for money.  But she’s “obsessed” with this game.

6:00 – “I’m confused.  How do you use the bombs?”

You tell us.  I never played this before.  You’re the one who’s “obsessed” with the game.

She can’t figure it out.  You know what she could do?  Check the “cute” manual.

6:30 – “I wish I could read the manual but it’s in Japanese.”

It should be clear enough.  They’ll probably show pictures of the buttons in the “controls” section.  Just check it out.  She’s “obsessed” with this game.  Doesn’t know the fucking controls.

6:45 – “I can’t tell if I used it or not.  Maybe I used it there.”

NO, YOU IDIOT.  What made her think that she used the bomb?  There was no graphical indication that she did.  And it still says that she has 6 bombs.  Fucking unbelievable.  She doesn’t have a fucking clue.

This thing goes on for 75 minutes.  What if I actually reviewed the whole thing and kept commenting every 15 seconds?  “Hey, you dope.  I thought you were obsessed with the game.  So why didn’t you know this particular thing?”  It would be War and Peace but about some fraudulent gamer grrl.  Well, let’s see how far I can get.

7:00 – “Am I getting the X-Box Series X?  Umm…I mean…I guess eventually Mike and I will probably get one.”

She actually looked disgusted at the idea of getting this thing.  She has ZERO interest in this.  So to save this, she says that “Mike and I” will get one.  No.  MIKE will get one.  You’ll never touch that shit.

7:30 – “When am I making my own console?  Can you imagine if I made my own console.”

Oh, please tell us.  Give us the specs, Erin.  We’re all dying to know.

“I mean, it would be pretty good, I’m not going to lie.  I don’t know.  That’s the thing.  I don’t know anything about that.  It sounds very stressful and like you have to know what you’re doing.  I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Well, that’s refreshing.  She should apply that same attitude to video games broadly.  Stop the bullshit lies about being “obsessed” with games that you’ve obviously never played before.

8:00 – “Oh, look at the rainbow!  But yeah, if I made a console, it would be very colourful looking and you would get joy brought to you just by looking at it.  It doesn’t even have to be turned on yet and it would be so fucking aesthetically pleasing.”

Can we get some kind of sketch?  This is all very vague.  

8:15 – “It would be great.  But then like, okay, if I made my own console — ooh, uhh, rollercoaster boss — then I would have to, you know, have games developed for it, unless it would just play like games that you could like, you know, like, you could get on Steam or something.  I don’t know.  See, I wouldn’t want it to be shitty.  I’d want it to be like cool and unique.”

Well, let’s look at what we have so far.  A colourful console that plays Steam games.  Isn’t that just a PC with a swank case?  Let me DuckDuckGo colourful PC cases.

Well, there’s this thing.  GameMax M911 Rainbow.  Currently unavailable but you can get similar cases for about $100.

So that’s it.  That’s Erin’s “console”.  A rainbow PC case.

8:45 – “So yeah.  That’s that.  What’s that?  Ooh, look at that.”

Riveting commentary.

She knows full well that this is bad.  She knows that her console idea was fucking dogshit in the extreme.  She knows that she doesn’t have the knowledge to even begin to answer the question.

And yet she continues with this.  She continues with this massive fraud.  That’s garnering a whopping $200/month.  And she’s getting fucked in the ass on the regular by a man she doesn’t love.  FOR WHAT?  She doesn’t need to do any of this.  Go back to your parents in California and get a job.  

I get it.  There’s a sense of pride.  You don’t want to go back home and admit that you failed.  But Erin did fail.  Big time.  Don’t continue the failure.  Just swallow your pride, go back home, and try to re-build your life.  This fucking fake gamer grrl shit is not going to work in a million years.  

9:00 – “Because consoles these days look so boring.”

Just move on, Erin.  You’ve already given your console idea.  To call it “half-assed” would be giving it too much credit.  

“Look at that picture!”

Haven’t you seen it before?  It’s just the picture that shows up after you beat the first level.  Surely, you’ve beaten the first level before.  You’re “obsessed” with this game.

Then she wants to take a picture of it.  Holy shit.  Is she unfamiliar with the print screen command?  And this is all being recorded.  Why would she want to take a fucking picture of her monitor? Also, these pictures are probably already on the internet.  Yeah.  It took me two seconds to find it:

Then the image went away before she could take a picture.  So she says, “Aww.  Need more Instagram content.”
Well, you can just steal the picture above, I guess.  Won’t that be fascinating Instagram “content”?  “Hey guys!  Here’s a picture I took of my monitor from some game that I was playing on stream, for money!”
“Umm…Erin, can we see your titties or something?  We’re not here for this lame shit.”
9:15 – “So what was I saying?  Oh, I need to do a video on the Casio Loopy because that is a really cute console.”
Oh great.  Now she’s “obsessed” with a little-known Japanese console.  Because it’s “cute”.  But really just because she needs “content”.  She doesn’t give the slightest of fucks about this shit.
“Because now everything is either all white or all black.”
The Loopy is pretty much all grey.  Is that what she wants?  A grey console?  Boy, she really has some killer ideas for a new console.  Sony should hire her.
9:30 – “I want it to be more fun.  Have some more, like, I don’t know.”
This is amazing.  Where does she come up with her ideas?  
“I would design a console.  Like cosmetically.”
Oh, we know.  You’re doing a bang up job explaining your vision so far.
10:00 – “You want a console that looks like a burger?  That would be adorable, NewWave.  Like the burger, the bun could come off and then the, umm, cartridge could go in there.  And of course it would be cartridge based.”
Yeah.  Because you’re a real “gamer”, aren’t you, Erin?
“It would be some like really niche thing.  It would not be a major seller, that’s for sure, if I made it.”
11:00 – “Look at this.  It’s like we’re going over, umm, Tetris pieces.”
She had to think for a second to come up with “Tetris”.
“Speaking of Tetris, this makeup brand, NYX, came out with a Tetris line of cosmetics.”
And then she explains why it “sucks” but I couldn’t quite figure out her complaint.  But yeah.  The horny mentally challenged losers in your chat are REALLY interested in Tetris makeup products.
11:45 – “Have I ever considered a JJ & Jeff stream?  I’ve played it briefly on stream (edit: for money) but I’ve never played that game the whole way through.”
Well, no shit.  It’s an extremely difficult game.  I played it for many, many hours as a kid and I don’t think that I even got close to the end.  Not every game can be beaten the first time.  Indeed, very few games are like that.  But Erin doesn’t know this.
“I don’t know how I feel about it.  I know a lot of people like it but I just can’t tell if I really like it.”
No.  A lot of people DON’T like it.  And obviously you can’t give an opinion on a game that you only played briefly, on stream, for money.
12:00 – “If I made a console, it would probably just be like Atari games that you could play on it.”
At this point, I’m convinced that Erin doesn’t even know what a “console” is in the video game sense.
12:45 – “Are those little Dig Dugs?  I think that those were little red guys from Dig Dug.  I don’t know.”
Nor do I.  But you’re “obsessed” with this game, Erin.  You tell us.
Okay, I’ve gone on way too long with this.  It was trash, as usual.

1 thought on “Trying out Star Parodier (PC Engine CD) – Erin Plays

  1. I love this game lol. Its way too easy but its good for novices to the genre and just a fun game to blast through.. Shooting CDs as the PC engine is super over powered lol

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