Searching for Female Movie Reviewers on Youtube

I was watching the latest Talking About Tapes, as above, and Newt’s “model” girlfriend is there.  So I’m watching it, they’re reviewing some shitty horror movie for children, of course, and she’s doing a lot more talking than I’ve seen her do previously.  So…that’s good.  In theory.  But I had to turn this shit off at the 12 minute mark.  I can’t listen to that.  

So it got me thinking.  Johanna is terrible, Newt’s “model” girlfriend is terrible, Mint was terrible.  Also, all of these gamer grrls who I cover are terrible.  Maybe the problem is me.  There have to be GOOD female film reviewers out there.

I found a Reddit thread from six years ago that had a few suggestions:

Comic Book Girl 19.  Hardcore lesbian who starts the video by sucking the Cheeto dust or something off of her thumb.  I couldn’t listen to this shit either.

Beyond the Trailer.  Another hardcore lesbian who starts the video really, really, really angry over some Captain America thing.  I don’t even know what she’s talking about.  It’s like she’s in the middle of some rant.  That’s how the video starts.  I turned it off after about a minute.

Roll Credits.  She seems alright.  With a lot of these women, a little voice in my head starts screaming “STOP WATCHING THIS SHIT”.  But I don’t get that with this woman.  

She’s an Australian woman but the accent isn’t grating.  She’s calm.  She’s erudite.  She’s personable.  She also kept the review brief.  Didn’t overstay her welcome.

Yeah, I watched it.  No problem.  

Ooh, she did an apartment tour.

She just moved into a shared house in London and it has mould in it.  Yeah.  I had the same horrendous experience.  Those fucking god awful shared houses.  

Yeah, it was mildly interesting.  I watched it.  Brought back some memories for me.  

She should have a million subscribers.  Unfortunately, she hasn’t been seen in a year and a half.  But yeah.  Totally watchable.  So it’s not just me.  These other women are just really, really awful.

Lindsay Ellis.  Well..her voice isn’t off-putting, like, say, Newt’s “model” girlfriend or the first two lesbians who I mentioned, but yeah.  This woman is REALLY gay.  Which isn’t a problem in itself but all of her videos are about gay shit.  I mean…we get it.  You like women.  But you also like movies, right?  Maybe talk about movies sometimes.

DeepFocusLens.  She’s reviewing Blade Runner while wearing a sports bra.  Interesting.  

But she’s okay.  Seems intelligent.  Large vocabulary.  Seems to know a lot about films.  Yeah.  

The only criticism I have is that she does this annoying old school Youtube editing technique where pauses between sentences are edited out.  No time to let things sink in.  Just keep talking, machine gun style.

And for those keeping score at home, she’s probably gay too but it’s no problem.  I’ll even subscribe.

So that’s two.  I found two good female movie reviewers.  So they’re out there.  

Somebody in this thread mentions Pauline Kael.  Does this woman who died twenty years ago at the age of 80 have a Youtube channel?  

Aw and then some misogynist says, “Leave matters like that up to men, women tend to have false ideals”.  

No, I disagree, Hashbean.  Women are totally capable of reviewing movies or video games or what have you.  But not ALL women, of course.  Just like not all men can do it.  

These women on Talking About Tapes and the aggressive lesbians that I mentioned in this thread, they just don’t have it.  Whatever “it” is.  Charisma.  Charm.  Being relatable.  Whatever.  

Then, of course, you have to be knowledgeable of the subject matter and be able to convey this information in a palatable fashion.  

There’s an element of personal taste, of course.  Maybe some people like butch lesbians haranguing  them about the patriarchy during a movie review.  That’s cool.  But personally, it’s not what I’m looking for in a movie review.

Same with these gamer grrls.  You need some charisma.  I don’t mean in the showmanship sense but you have to somehow identify with the person.  You have to sort of like the person.  

Erin.  No.  She’s highly objectionable and a total fraud.  And even putting all of that to one side, she’s a black hole of personality.  Put simply, she’s boring.

CannotBeTamed.  No.  Totally unwatchable.  Again, she’s an objectionable person, she’s conceited, and she’s patronising to the viewers.  But forget all of that.  She’s also BORING AS FUCK.

Pelvic Gamer.  There’s something there.  I’m sure that she’s a moderately interesting person.  But she doesn’t bring it to the videos.  Not any more, at least.  Her old stuff where she dressed as a man and seduced herself or gave Valentine’s Day advice to the horndogs was a step in the right direction.  But these fucking cookie cutter JRPG reviews are brutal.

Bobdunga.  Her disgusting behaviour toward RelaxAlax aside, she seems like a pleasant woman.  She’s also a wacky character with the mental health issues and whatnot.  But yeah, I don’t know.  The videos are different at least but…they’re usually misses.

DestinyFomo.  She leads an interesting life with the prostitution and whatnot but the videos are dogshit.  

RetroAli.  I don’t know.  Fake “reactions” are obviously not a good way to get your real personality across.  And all that I really know about her is that she plays Pokemon.  That’s all that she ever makes videos on and that’s all that she ever talks about on Twitter.  It’s fucking tedious in the extreme.  Maybe she’s an interesting person but she’s not putting that across in any of the media that I’ve seen from her.

Oh yeah.  The original point of this thing.  Tony needs to find decent female co-hosts.  Track down that Australian woman.  Or ask DeepFocusLens to do a “collab”.  

Don’t just get your fucking friends to be on the show, regardless of talent.  Maybe put an ad out looking for TALENTED and PERSONABLE and KNOWLEDGEABLE women in the area to be on the show.  I know that you’re in rural Pennsylvania so talent will be limited but you can at least try.  Maybe PAY them.  

How much is HackTheMovies even making?  It can’t be much.  

$750/month according to SocialBlade.  How?  Erin is making £200/month and she has twice as many subscribers.  Maybe because he posts more videos and longer videos.

So use some of that money to hire a decent female co-host.  I’m thinking $100 per video.  $200?  I think people would do that and it seems fair given the amount of money that he’s making from this.

5 thoughts on “Searching for Female Movie Reviewers on Youtube

  1. Just come on my podcast and coach johanna while we do an episode. Maybe you can fix the show! People want you as a guest!

  2. You have enough awkward people who don't know how to talk already. The difference is that I'm openly admitting it.If either you or Johanna don't want me writing about the show any more, you can email me at gamergrrls at protonmail dot com and I'll stop.

  3. I get the whole me too thing and inclusion is great even though we evolved to exclude. Us vs them but whatever. But what really bothers me is how some of these lesbians make their whole identity about being gay. I had an ex. She was always saying she was bi. And I told her. No one cares… why do you keep telling people that? And she was like “its who I am”… I told her that's fucking retarded. It may be a part of who you are as of now. But it wasn't 10 years ago and its likely you'll be something else in 10 more years. No one cares. You don't need a billboard. People can tell instantly because you have to talk/dress/act as the stereotype. I cant watch some of those vids just because it's a fucking dumb ass identity video with a side of some game they play a little. Pay me. I'm not bitter. We did the 3some a couple times and that's cool but I wouldn't just start telling people I am polygamous. It's a very small part of who I am today. People need to feel special and that they are unique and it spills over into every conversation had and every other aspect of their life's. Idk man. It's definitely not you… or if it is… its all of us as well. Especially the plural me. I dont watch hackthemovies. However I actually think Tony is the funniest guy from cinemassacre. That's not saying much but he has the knowledge and enough charisma to do well enough. More so than rage at the screen Erin's boyfriend. I cant remember his name. And James has been phoning it in since he left screw attack. I know I couldn't do the dumb skits they do. But I would absolutely watch hacktony's vid If gamergrrls was on it. Fuck man do it over Skype and get a bunch of masks from your banner and switch from ally to erin to etc.. but don't acknowledge it. And change it out every couple of minutes. Maybe I push your tits together when you are madam fomo. Love the blog bro.

  4. You raise some interesting points.But no, the obvious goal of him suggesting that I call into the show is to embarrass me. “You make fun of the show, let's see you do better.”I've said many times that I can't do better. I've suggested that these gamer grrls do something else with their time because they're really, really bad at making Youtube videos. It would be hypocritical of me, knowing that I'm bad at this sort of thing, to call into the show. Do what you're good at, avoid what you're bad at. There's no shame in it. Everybody doesn't have to be a big Youtube star. There are other jobs out there.

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