My first Neo Geo Stream! – Erin Plays

She never played these before!  Any of these.  So what better way to start than on stream, for money?

“So I haven’t played this version of Bomberman.  I haven’t played Bomberman in general in a long time.  Since that video, actually.”

Well, I’m glad that she’s finally admitting it.  But what I’d really like is a blanket admission that she NEVER plays games in her spare time.  It’s ALWAYS on stream, for money, or for a Youtube video, for money.

She’s really bad at the game, by the way.  Of course.  

I think that she’s actually going to run out of time.  On level 1.  That’s how bad she is at this.

1:45 – “Oh, I’m an idiot.  I’m going to blow myself up”.

Well, that’s one way to re-set the timer, I guess.

This is fucking painful.  This is like the worst Bomberman footage ever recorded.

Then she reads a really detailed and technical factoid from one of the horndogs and says, “That’s an interesting fact.  I did not know that.”

She doesn’t even have the slightest idea what he’s talking about.   Why would he even give this tidbit of information?  I don’t get it.  These people obviously watch the streams.  They see what Erin’s abilities are with the games, they hear her say, “I never played this before” for every game, they hear her only make references to games that she’s streamed before.  Why haven’t they figured out by now that Erin doesn’t play games unless it’s on stream, for money?  She doesn’t give a fuck about this shit.  She doesn’t know anything about this shit.

4:00 – There’s a cage with the word “help” every so often and Erin totally ignores this.  You’re supposed to bomb this guy to get an AI ally, if I remember correctly.  Erin is not curious at all about this box.

4:30 – “Oh.  Do I need to like blow the person out of that?”


5:30 – Erin seems to think that this is an enemy.  Then she dies from her own stupidity.  Then she fails to press “continue” in time, again owing to her own stupidity.  

5:45 – “Ow.  I just shoved my straw into my lip.  Metal straws are dangerous.”

Is she capable of doing anything?

6:00 – She shows the Neo Geo controller.  “It’s good for when my hands hurt because it’s like totally different.”

Oh.  Yeah, her hands hurt a lot too.  She has carpal tunnel syndrome.  From playing games two hours a week, on stream, for money.  

6:30 – “Okay, so I want to play…I always forget what it is…Shock Troopers?  Is that what it’s called?”

She misuses the word “always” a lot.  How can she “always” forget what it’s called?  How often is Shock Troopers entering her conversations?  I’ve gone my entire life without talking about Shock Troopers once.  But apparently, Erin is “always” forgetting what this game is called.  Maybe in her social circle, Shock Troopers is a common topic of conversation and she’s regularly embarrassed by her lack of knowledge of the game.  So what better time to remedy this situation than on stream, for money?

There’s a “cute” female character in this game, isn’t there?  Maybe two?  So I’ll guess that Erin will go with that character.

7:15 – “There’s also Magical Drop, Puzzle Bobble, there’s so many things.”

She was going through the list of games.  Those are the only two games that she knows because those are the only two games that she’s streamed before.

7:30 – “I have not beaten Nightmare on Elm Street yet, no.”

Did you see her beat it on stream, for money?  Then she didn’t beat it.  

I just don’t get this at all.  These people watch every fucking stream.  Why haven’t they figured it out by now?

It’s just further proof that these people are all mentally challenged.  What else can it be?  

“Ummm…I would like to, though.”

On stream, for money.

“Okay, which one.”

She’s stymied by Shock Troopers and Shock Troopers 2.  She doesn’t realise that one of these is the sequel.  She doesn’t know that a sequel exists.  She “always” forgets this.

7:45 – “So this is Shock Troopers.  It’s in the same universe as Ikari Warriors but it’s good.”

What?  Is that right?  I know that it’s a similar overhead perspective and gameplay style but is it in the same universe?  

No.  She just doesn’t know what terms to use.  I’ve never played Ikari Warriors, by the way.

8:15 – “You are playing actual arcade games, so do feel discouraged if they seem hard.”

He meant “don’t” or she misread it.  But some horndog in the chat was trying to pump Erin up.  

How does he explain Erin’s abysmal gameplay abilities of console games then?  Even console games that she claims to have played before.  A lot.  Like Yoshi’s Island.  Or Wii Sports.  

8:30 – “Be sure to watch the tutorial.  Also, pick team battle in the options and all the girl characters.  They are the best.”

He’s jerking off over this.  For some inexplicable reason, this guy gets sexually aroused watching gamer grrls playing as female characters.  

8:45 – “King of Fighters?  Well, maybe we’ll do that next.”

She has NO IDEA what this game is.  Oh my god.  If she picks Mai Shiranui, the whole chat is going to blow their load at once.

9:15 – “We are going to start.  I’m going to put it on easy.”

That’s another thing.  She’s not playing this in the arcade mode.  She’s playing it on the console mode.  So that guy didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about.  Or he was just lying to try to make Erin feel better about her horrendous gameplay abilities.  Here’s some news for you: she doesn’t give a fuck.  She knows that she’s bad at the games.  She also knows that you fucking drooling imbeciles will watch anyway.

“Oh, there’s an MVS version.”

Yeah.  In every Neo Geo game.  Does Erin even know what “MVS” means?  I don’t even know what it means.  I “always” assumed that it just meant like the arcade difficulty level.  

10:00 – “Milky?  Why is her name Milky?”

What a sick fuck.  Why would that be sexual?  I mean, I know what it would be but why would that be her immediate response?  

“Oh, Marie Bee.  That’s a cute name.”


Erin also doesn’t seem to know that this game has a short timer, like arcade games often do.  So she ran out of time while picking her characters.

Oh my god.  Just look at this gameplay.  It’s atrocious.  She doesn’t even aim.  She just keeps shooting forward and moving her character.

Then she accidentally aims, gets confused, and wants to go back to shooting directly in front of her but can’t figure it out.

This is unbelievable.  Just watch this shit.

11:30 – “I’m just pressing things because I don’t know how to do this.”


“Maybe somebody in the chat is answering me.”

She needs to be told how to shoot in this game.

12:00 – I really don’t want to watch this any more.  And Erin looks bored out of her mind.  Why would she want to play this?  Are many 34 year old women interested in 25 year old violent shooting games?  

“This is fun.”

She’s saying this sarcastically.  She has to be.  I mean, just look at her.  She has a pained expression on her face.  And look at her abysmal gameplay.  How can this be at all fun for her?  She doesn’t even know what the fuck she’s doing.

Then she dies and couldn’t figure out how to pick the characters.  This is fun!

12:30 – “My plan for this stream is just to play different things and then go back and do streams of games that I really like.”

Yeah.  We know.  That’s what you do.  That’s the whole point of this.  That’s the only reason why you play games.  It’s all on stream, for money.  You don’t give a fuck about any of this.

This is brutal.  I have to stop.  Let’s skip ahead.  I want to see if she ever picks Mai Shiranui.

22:15 – She’s playing Aero Fighters.  On easy mode, naturally.

22:45 – “So I want the J-pop singer.  Oh, she’s cute!  Mao-Mao?”

What a gamer!

And again, she almost ran out of time because she doesn’t know that arcade games have a strict time limit.

“Oh, okay.  This is a shmup”

What?  She couldn’t figure it out from the intro that depicted a spaceship flying around?

Let’s move on.  She promised King of Fighters as the next game.  Hopefully, she doesn’t pick the first game, though.  Mai doesn’t have the bouncing boobs in the first game, does she?

27:45 – “So what did I say?  Oh, yeah.  King of Fighters is what I said I’d play next.”

Then she shakes her wrist and says, “ow”.  

Carpal tunnel already.  She’s been at this for less than 30 minutes.  

“If I have it.”

There were fucking 10 of these games.  At least.  And it’s possibly the most popular series on the console.  Erin doesn’t have a clue.  

28:15 – She starts massaging her wrist.

Oh, the horndogs chose King of Fighters 98.  A good choice.  Lots of bouncing Mai titties in that one.

28:45 – She massages her wrist some more.

Who else was in King of Fighters 98?  Let me look this up.  I think that there were all kinds of hotties in that one.

Oh yeah.  Blue Mary.  She was alright, I guess.  Yuri Sakazaki.  Ehh…whatever.  Leona Heidern.  Not really.  Vice and Mature…no.  Oh, Athena Asamiya.  Shishi will like that one.  

Personally, I was a Goro Daimon kind of guy.  Of course, I wasn’t jerking off over the game.  I just played it as a fighting game, you know?  Not pornography.

29:00 – “That’s awesome, Thunder Fist.  I haven’t tried those.”

What do you suppose old Thunder Fist was talking about?  Whatever it was, Erin hasn’t tried them.  That could be anything.

29:15 – “Let’s see if this gives my hands a break.”

Thirty minutes.  She can’t play video games for thirty minutes.  

Maybe this isn’t for her.  Maybe she should something else with her time.  Get a job, maybe?

“But yeah, I don’t like it when alphabetical things are under ‘the’.  That’s like incorrect.”

Oh, look at Erin go.  Really putting that English degree to good use.  Or, third grade English class.

By the way, she’s playing all of these games on the Japanese setting.  There must be a way to change the dip switch to English.  On emulators, you can do this, of course.  She’s playing this on an “Ever Drive”.  I don’t think that the particular piece of equipment she’s using is called an “Ever Drive” but whatever.

29:45 – “King of Fighters is just a bad Street Fighter in your opinion?”

And she laughs nervously, never having played Street Fighter before.

She keeps cycling through “extra” and “advanced” thinking that this is the difficulty setting.  She’s looking for “easy” and gets discouraged that she can’t find it.

30:15 – She chooses Athena.  “I’ll be her.  I like her hair.”

Come on Mai.  This is looking good.  She’s just going to pick the female characters.

Then she just picks some Japanese guy at random.  What the fuck is she doing?  She’s bored.  She’s already bored with this.  After SECONDS.

And then she just picks another random guy.  Mai was right fucking there.  She has a cute avatar.  

She couldn’t even be bothered to go through all of the characters.  And there was no fucking time limit this time because she’s playing on console mode.  She has all the time in the world to pick her character.  She didn’t want to cycle through the characters.  She has ZERO INTEREST IN THIS SHIT.

And you just know she’s going to get her fucking ass handed to her.  She doesn’t play fighting games.  So the character select screen was the only thing that was even going to be marginally interesting.

30:45 – “Oh, look how cute.  Athena.”

Come on.  Somebody in the chat must be telling her to pick Mai.  She’s not going to play this again, though.

Then she just mashes buttons.  This is brutal.  She’s nowhere near the opponent but she just keeps pressing buttons.  It’s like when you’re a kid and you say, “I’m just going to start punching and if you get hit, it’s your own fault” and then slowly inch toward your sibling.

I can’t watch this.  I have to skip ahead.

35:00 – Oh yeah.  Erin somehow won the previous fight and Mai is one of her opponents in the next one.  Erin said “ooh” just when she saw the like drawing of her.  Get your tissues, boys.  Erin is going to say something super sexy when she sees Mai’s big bouncing titties.

Oh fuck.  But she has to beat the first character, who isn’t Mai.  And this second round is way harder than the first.  We might not see this.

36:45 – Oh yeah.  She was able to win by spamming Joe Higashi’s punch and now Mai is up.

“Ooh, she’s vassy.”

What?  What did she say?  “Bouncy?”  It wasn’t “bouncy”.  Sassy.  That’s it.  Fuck.  That’s disappointing.  

37:00 – Then for some inexplicable reason, she pauses the game right as Joe pulls his pants down and moons Mai.  

37:30 – “There’s a lot going on.  There’s some bounciness, there’s male asses, there’s everything you want.”

Yeah.  Time to change Shishi’s underpants.

38:00 – “She’s kicking my ass because I’m like distracted at what’s going on here.”

Then Erin massages her wrist some more.

39:00 – And again, after losing.

Then she declares the game “really fun”.  After playing it once.  Poorly.  On stream, for money.  And not knowing how to play AT ALL.

39:45 – She moves on to Twinkle Star Sprites.  We can safely skip that “cute” game.  

40:30 – Whoa.  Hold the phone.  She’s on the difficulty option and she keeps switching between one and two stars.  She says, “Let’s do two.”  She’s getting cocky.

40:45 – “Look how cute!”

Yeah.  Suck a dick.  I’m not watching this.

43:45 – She finishes playing this game after three minutes and starts massaging her wrist again.  She says that she wants to play a puzzle game “to chill”.  


44:45 – So she reluctantly plays Puzzle Bobble 2.  Moving on.

54:15 – She finishes the game.  “Anyway, you all know that I love Puzzle Bobble.  It makes my heart happy.  I could play it all day.”

Forget about all day.  Have you ever played this game AT ALL in your spare time?  The answer is no.

Then she starts massaging her wrist again.

By the way, everyone in the chat is also massaging their wrist after that Mai Shiranui stuff.

54:30 – “Do I enjoy playing with the stick?  I do.  Because my carpal tunnel has been a little weird so I’m like this is a good kind of alternative.  It’s comfortable.  I like it.  I like the noise.”

First of all, the guy was clearly making a sexual comment.  “Do you like playing with the stick, Erin?  Hehe.”

Secondly, if it’s so comfortable, why is she constantly massaging her wrist?

Thirdly, it’s nice to see a return of “carpal tunnel”.  For a long time, she stopped using this term.  People in the chat were, rightly, saying, “Hey, if you have carpal tunnel, why don’t you see a doctor?” and Erin had no reply to that.

It’s bullshit.  There’s nothing wrong with her wrist.  She does this to try to garner sympathy and turn that into cash.  Some of that sweet $200/month.

55:00 – Now she’s massaging BOTH wrists.

AND she’s massaging higher up her arm.  So her forearm hurts too?  She’s almost at her fucking elbow.  

55:15 – “You know what I miss?  I miss those Mothers brand circus animal cookies with like the pink and white and the sprinkles.  Those are good.  I can’t eat too many because they’re very sweet but just a little bit here and there.  So good.”

So…do you miss them or do you still eat them?  You said both.  Erin has this problem.  She’ll often say completely contradictory things.  

But hey guys!  Remember those Mother brand animal cookies with the pink and white frosting and sprinkles?

No.  No, I don’t remember that, Erin.  

Oh, I just DuckDuckGo’d it.  Yeah, I kind of remember these.  I might have had them a few times.  But yeah, cutting down on the sweets is a good idea, Erin.  Shishi is trying to jerk off here.

58:15 – Captain Tomaday.  Another “cute” game suggested by the chat.  “Oh my god, I don’t remember this.”  

Well, of course not, Erin.  You never fucking played it before.  Moving on.

1:05:15 – She starts rubbing her wrist.  She’s decided to play Stakes Winner because she never heard of a horse racing game before.

1:09:45 – She starts doing full neck and body stretches now.  

Maybe one day she can get a chiropractor to come in to do some work on her between games.  You have to be at least topless for this, right?  Oh my god.  Shishi would explode.

She’s playing Prehistoric Isle 2 now.  She did such a bang up job on the first game, after all.

1:20:30 – “Oh my god!  My hand.  I can’t.”

So that’s the stream, gentlemen.  Erin closes by massaging her wrist.  The things that she’ll do to entertain us.  She’s destroying her body for us, both by playing video games for two hours a week, and by consuming vast amounts of carbonated beverages and *nostalgic* cookies.  

Then she says that this was really fun.  She can’t understand why it took this long to play a Neo Geo game.  Well, you were playing other games on stream, for money.  There are a lot of games out there to play on stream, for money.

But yeah, that’s terrible about Erin’s wrist and her obesity problem.  But what’s the alternative, you know?  Get a job and start eating properly?  Don’t be ridiculous.

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