Talking KINSEY'S New GAME PRODUCER Job in JAPAN! – KinsZilla

There’s the video.  It’s with Metal Jesus.  But I only discovered this video after seeing this:

I originally read “Chuhai Labs” as “Chubby Labs”.  That would have been appropriate.

But no.  Chuhai Labs.  We all know about Chuhai Labs, right?  Chuhai is an alcoholic beverage sold in Japan, apparently.  Kinsey Burke is an alcoholic.  So that works.

Anyway, Kinsey Burke.  The chubby blonde woman from Metal Jesus Rocks.  She’s apparently somehow connected to this company and they’ve released a “new” game for the Switch called Halloween Forever.  You can see the promotional video in the link at the top.   It features our full-figured friend Kinsey.  

“If a certain commercial has taught us anything, it’s that diamonds are definitely the way to go because a diamond is forever.”

She’s referencing De Beers commercials that were…wait.  Again with the alcohol references.  Help is out there, Kinsey.  Alcoholism is a real problem.  

Anyway, the commercials were shown in the US and, as far as I’m aware, only the US.  So for this game, which is available worldwide, you have a lot of people scratching their heads to that comment.  Also, the commercials were from “the 90s”.  Are they still being shown?  If they haven’t been shown since “the 90s”, most of the audience will be too young to get the reference.  

It’s a small thing, I guess, but it’s just so fucking stupid.  

“Halloween Forever, published by Chuhai Labs.  Happy Valentine’s Day?”

She’s such a bad actor.  But yeah, they’re promoting the release of this Halloween-themed game in February as a “joke”.  

And…is Halloween even celebrated in Japan?  Or Valentine’s Day?  I wouldn’t think so.  Not on any large scale, certainly.  These are Christian-based holidays, after all.  

Anyway, this game was initially released on Steam, around Halloween time.  Halloween of 2016.  This game is almost five years old.

It has 131 reviews.  That’s not many.  I don’t think that this game set any sales records.  

The publisher was some company called Poppy Works.  They’re also publishing a game called Melon Journey 2.  

Which brings me back to Kinsey.  According to her Twitter and this Metal Jesus video, she’s going to be taking those delicious melons on a journey to Kyoto soon.

She tweets like fifty times a day.  Not even an exaggeration.  

So I can’t trawl through all of that shit to see any specific tweets about moving but in her description it says “Seattle soon –> Kyoto”.  And this Chubby Labs company that nobody has ever heard of is apparently based in Kyoto.  

They have a website but good luck finding any information on there.  It’s just a picture of a white guy in a lab coat.  Not what I think of when I think of Kyoto.

I think that somebody just made a game and the person who made the game is publishing it.  They gave a name to the “company” but the company exists in name only.  There’s not like an office or staff or anything.

But why speculate?  Let’s check out the Metal Jesus video where, hopefully, all questions will be answered.

0:00 – Wow.  I haven’t watched a Metal Jesus video in ages.  This must be his new house.  Hopefully no leaky basement in this one.

Tasteful Kiss posters in the back.  Hey guys!  Remember Kiss?  No.  They were before my time, Metal Jesus.

0:15 – “You have two big things going on.”

Ooh, matron.

0:45 – Then Metal Jesus talks about covid and how careful he is about self-isolating.  Fuck off.  Do the fucking video.  Take your scary cold and shove it up your ass.

Kinsey then says that she gets tested EVERY DAY at her job.  Is it rectally?  It might as well be.  

Who the fuck would agree to that?  If somebody told me that they were going to test me every day for covid at my job, I’d say, “No, thanks.  I’m going to look for another job.”  Maybe this explains this Kyoto job.

1:30 – Then alcoholic Kinsey gives Metal Jesus some chuhai alcohol.

I don’t say this stuff as a joke or to be cruel.  She seems to genuinely be an alcoholic.  And it’s a serious condition.  It takes years off your life.  It ruins families.  You’re wasting your life with that shit.  

 Not to turn this into a temperance meeting.  I drink alcohol in moderation.  Socially.  I don’t particularly enjoy it but whatever.  But yeah, alcoholism is a serious issue and something that she should reflect on.  As a bonus, she would probably lose weight if she stopped drinking so much.

3:00 – Kinsey says that she has no experience as a game developer.  She works as a soil…sampler.  Or something.  

So…in order to sponsor somebody for a visa, don’t you have to show that there aren’t any local people who can do the job?  You’re telling me that there’s not one person in Kyoto who can be a game developer for Chubby Labs?  Kinsey Burke, a woman with no experience in the video game industry (as far as I’m aware) is really the best candidate for the job?  

How the fuck can a small company even sponsor somebody for a visa?  And a small company that’s presumably composed entirely of foreigners?  

It can’t be this easy to get into Japan.  

So I can make ONE game, a game that was not successful, open a “company” in Japan, and start sponsoring my Youtube friends for visas?  That can’t be right.  Somebody needs to report this shit to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Japan.  

3:30 – “A lot of people are going to have questions as to how the heck you pulled this one off.”

Well, I wouldn’t say “heck” like some elderly American woman from the South but yes, those were pretty much my sentiments.

4:00 – The first question is how this was possible.  Kinsey acknowledges that working with soil for the past ten years has nothing to do with video games but goes on to say that she used to work in a video game store.  Even she admits that that’s…pretty stupid.  Who cares what part-time jobs you had in college?

So she says that doing the Twitter account for this video game store and being in Metal Jesus videos was how she got the job.

No.  This is bullshit.  You can only get a visa for SPECIFIC JOBS.  And you have to show that there aren’t any local people who can do the job.  And if you can prove all of that, it’s expensive to get the visa.  That’s why typically only people in high level jobs can get visas.  Bankers, doctors, shit like this.  Nurses can get visas as well because there’s a shortage of nurses.  And, yes, IT people but I don’t know about fucking video game developer for a company that produced ONE game.  Something is very wrong here.

And what the fuck are her qualifications?  How many games has she developed?  Does she know how to code?  Is there even coding involved in this job?  I don’t think that running a Twitter account qualifies you to make video games.  Maybe I’m crazy.

They keep talking about her fucking PR experience.  What the fuck is a “game producer” anyway.  Maybe it’s a PR job.  Let me DuckDuckGo this shit.

“The person in charge of overseeing development of a video game.”

Right…running a small company’s Twitter qualifies someone to do that?

  • Negotiating contracts, including licencing deals
  • Acting as a liaison between the development staff and the upper stakeholders (publisher or executive staff)
  • Developing and maintaining schedules and budgets
  • Overseeing creative (art and design) and technical development (game programming) of the game
  • Ensuring timely delivery of deliverables (such as milestones)
  • Scheduling timely quality assurance (testing)
  • Arranging for beta testing and focus groups, if applicable
  • Arranging for localization
  • Pitching game ideas to publishers
Right…so no coding.  But…this just raises more questions.  It’s some sort of management job.  What experience does she have as a manager of ANYTHING let alone in video games?  And there aren’t any managers in Kyoto?  Kyoto must be chock full of unemployed video game managers.  All WAY more experienced than Kinsey.  It’s tough to be less experienced than Kinsey.
6:30 – Metal Jesus says that a lot of finding a job is just, “Finding someone who you like to have around.”

He’s right.  There are many scumbag companies who follow this philosophy.  Who cares about ability to do the job?  We just want somebody fun to be in the office.  

But you’re able to get a visa for this?  What was on the visa application?  “She’s fun to have around”?  You need QUALIFICATIONS.  You need RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE.  

This is fucking horse shit.  Surely, Japan has strict visa rules.  She’s on video saying that she only got the job because she’s friends with people at the company.  She admits to having no relevant qualifications or work experience.  

7:00 – “Ever since I was 21, I’ve been applying to Nintendo, Microsoft.”

Yeah.  And they all threw your resume straight in the trash.  Why would they give a job to somebody with no qualifications or experience?  

But she’s able to get a visa to go work in Japan for some company who nobody has ever heard of.  

8:00 – She says that she’s going to be, “The buffer between the devs and Nintendo, the devs and Sony”.

Does she even speak Japanese?  Maybe she does.  But does she speak it better than a native?  

Right now, in Kyoto, there must be hundreds of unemployed salarymen with experience in the video game industry, walking around town in their suits even though they don’t have a job.  They just want to keep up the appearance of having a job to avoid the shame of having to tell their family that they’re unemployed.  They’re trying to stave off the inevitable suicide for as long as possible.  

Wouldn’t one of these people be a much better candidate?  Why does a company in Japan have to go all the way to the US to find an employee?  And the person they found has no experience with management or video games and doesn’t speak the language.  Probably not fluently, anyway.

Then Metal Jesus says that when he took a trip to Japan with his wife and Kinsey, Kinsey was really good at planning the trip.

Yeah.  That’s wonderful.  Did she put that on her fucking resume?  “Organized trip with Metal Jesus and his wife.”  No.  

 10:15 – They’re talking about apartments now.  Kinsey says that she’s hoping to get a two or three bedroom apartment.  Metal Jesus is, rightly, confused by this.  He says “huh”.  That’s his catchphrase but it’s apt here.

What does she need with a two or three bedroom apartment?  She’s single.  No children.  

I started getting two bedroom apartments a few years ago to have a room to store my stuff.  But my girlfriend would ask what the point of this is.  I still managed to store everything in one bedroom apartments.

It’s true.  But I think that the price of a one bedroom apartment is often about the same price as a two bedroom apartment.  At least in my area.  But a three bedroom apartment?  That would just be idiotic.

10:45 – She suggests that she wouldn’t be unable to get a driver’s licence in Japan because the test would be in Japanese.  So yeah.  She doesn’t speak Japanese.  How did she get the fucking visa?  How is she going to liaise with Nintendo and Sony?  

12:30 – She confirms that she does not speak Japanese.

13:45 – She confirms that the people who work at the company don’t speak Japanese.

18:00 – Somebody asks what she’s most excited about.  She says the food.  Yeah.  Insert your own joke here.  But it’s not even a joke.  It’s just a sad observation.

19:30 – She’s concerned about apartments not having dryers.  It’s true in the UK as well.  And…I’m going to say every country other than the US.  People get by.  You put the stuff on one of those clothes horse things or just over the doors or where ever you can find a place to hang shit.  Radiators if you have a safe radiator to do that.  This should be bottom of the list of concerns.

She also complains about no dishwashers.  That’s true too.  I always try to find a place with a dishwasher.  They exist but it’s not too common.  In the absence of a dishwasher, you just wash the dishes by hand.  Who cares?

Here’s what she should be concerned about.  NOT SPEAKING JAPANESE.  And she should be concerned that no government worker ever doublechecks her visa application.  

Also, what about clothes?  Not to be insulting but I don’t know if they stock many clothes in Kinsey’s size in Japan.

I went out with a Korean woman and she was telling me that she likes living in the UK because in Korea she’s a medium but in the UK she’s an extra small.  So what the fuck would Kinsey be?  She could always order online, I guess.

20:15 – Kinsey says that she’s going to bring extra deodorant with her because there’s not good deodorant in Japan.  Really.  So they’re all walking around reeking of shit?  This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

Toothpaste is another thing that she’s going to stock up.  Come on.  What does she think that they’re using in Japan?  It’s a modern country.  The shit that they have in Japan is surely BETTER than the shit they have in the US.

Peanut butter is the third one.  That’s slightly more sensible.  Just speaking of my experiences in the UK, peanut butter isn’t the staple that it is in the US.  You can get it but it’s some weird branded shit.  And it’s fairly expensive.  I would imagine that peanut butter isn’t big in Japan either.

But anyway, you can get DIFFERENT shit when you’re living abroad.  Why not try to live like the locals?  “Oh, here comes Kinsey with her fancy deodorant and toothpaste and peanut butter.  She thinks that she’s better than us Japanese with our poor health and hygiene.” 

No.  Look at the average Japanese woman and then look at Kinsey.  Who do you think is healthier?  

So that’s the video.  No, this looks sketchy as fuck.  But good luck with it, I guess.

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