Video Games We Played as Kids: What Did You Play? – John Hancock (featuring Erin Plays)

It takes 16 minutes for Erin to say, “Yoshi’s Island and Super Mario All-Stars”?  Well, let’s check it out.  I think that this is her first “collab”.  Kind of, anyway.  She’s appearing via Skype or something.

0:15 – “We’re going to talk about our childhood memories of playing some video games!”

I hate to break it to you, Mr Hancock but this is going to be a very short discussion.  

Doesn’t he watch the fucking channel?  You just know he does.  With his pants around his ankles.  How then does he think that this is going to work?  Maybe Erin is just going to lie the whole way through.

“Everybody’s got their own childhood memories of playing video games” and then Erin makes a face.  Like she knows that that’s not true.  She doesn’t have any childhood memories of playing video games.  

0:45 – So then Erin starts with Yoshi’s Island.  Right.  Right.  Then move on to Mario All-Stars.  That’s the video.  Less than a minute.  Great.

She says that this is the first game that she had.  But technically had Killer Instinct as, I guess, the pack in game for her SNES.

1:30 – Then Hancock starts talking about Combat for the Atari 2600 and Erin’s eyes glaze over and she just says “oh”.  She doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about.  She’s totally unfamiliar with the game.

Then he starts talking about Q-Bert for the Atari 2600.  He says that it’s “just as fast as the arcade” and Erin says, “Oh, really?”  She never played this either.  

Oh, she even says this.  But she claims to have played the arcade version.  I don’t believe that for one second.  Show me the video.

2:15 – Next up: Super Mario-All Stars.  This is just embarrassing.  She has two fucking games, John.  Don’t you know this?  

She also adds Super Mario World.  I think that this is a fake story.  I don’t remember hearing this before.

“Growing up, it was just a lot of Mario.  I was really into Mario.”

Watch that video where she plays Super Mario Maker 2 to see just how much (or how little) she was into Mario.  

There’s a lot of editing in this video, I suspect to remove all of the awkward pauses and comments that Erin makes.  She has no charisma and no ability to talk with another human being.

2:30 – John asks, “Where did you typically play games growing up?”

Who gives a fuck?  But you know what was edited out?  “What other games did you play?” and Erin had to say “none”.  So now it’s just these weird ancillary questions.  What did you eat while playing games?  What did you wear when playing games?  How big was the tv?  He has to pad this out somehow because this video is already over.  She had two fucking games.

3:00 – Oh.  She clarifies this Super Mario World thing.  It wasn’t her game.  It was her friend’s.  So yeah.  Two games.  Three, really but for whatever bizarre reason she doesn’t include Killer Instinct.

3:30 – “It’s a good start for games.”

She’s talking about Super Mario World, a game that she played at her friend’s house.  Allegedly.  But it was so inspiring to a young Erin that she never bought a game until after high school.  

“Wow.  Super Mario World.  This game is amazing.  I can’t wait to play more of these video games.  They’re awesome!  But I’m going to wait about ten more years before playing another one.”

4:00 – Then John starts talking about the Switch and whatnot and Erin is just totally lost.  A lot of nodding and “oh yeah”.

4:15 – He starts talking about bootleg Commodore 64 games and Erin finds this funny.  Or maybe it’s a nervous laugh.  But again, she clearly knows nothing about this.  The Commodore 64 was well known for having pirated games.  Well known by people who were interested in games in this period, anyway.  So…not Erin.

Then he starts talking about the Transformers game.  Again, she has NO IDEA what he’s talking about.  What’s the point of this?  This is embarrassing.  Why did Erin agree to this?

Not only does she not know about this, she doesn’t fucking care.  She doesn’t care what the objective was in some fucking 30 year old game.  Doesn’t he get it?  Isn’t he picking up on this?

This is like talking to your grandmother about video games.  “That’s nice, dear.  You go play your games.”

5:15 – He name drops David Crane.  Erin doesn’t have a clue.  She just says “okay.”  There’s nothing that she can contribute.  She doesn’t fucking know anything.

5:30 – Erin says, “Wasn’t there one on Famicom?”

I’m pretty sure that she played this game on stream, for money.  This is just terrible.  That’s her only frame of reference.  What she’s played on stream, for money.  

I can’t be the only person who sees what a total fraud she is.  Why would these people bring her on to a show to talk about video games knowing that she’s INCAPABLE of having such a discussion?  Just to humiliate her?  It’s not a bad idea.  But I think they’re doing this because they’re horny losers who want to talk to a woman.

6:00 – Erin says, “For me another Yoshi one.  I promise this will start switching up.  But Yoshi’s Story for the N64.”

It won’t switch up.  It can’t.  I spoiled myself by looking at Hancock’s time stamps.  The only other games she’s going to talk about are Return of Arcade and some Barbie game.  

This is a fucking joke.  FOUR GAMES.  I’m not including Yoshi’s Story because she said in a recent video that she only got a Nintendo 64 after high school.  

But four games.  She had four games as a child: Yoshi’s Island, Super Mario All-Stars, Return of Arcade, and some Barbie game.  What a gamer!  Let’s invite her on the channel to talk about her childhood love of video games.  FOUR GAMES, JOHN!  ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT?

6:30 – “I loved Yoshi as a kid.  Like anything Yoshi I wanted.”

So Yoshi’s Island.  What else?  She didn’t have any other games.  And why would she get Yoshi toys or whatever, assuming she did?  She clearly wasn’t interested in video games.

For comparison purposes, I was not interested in console games as a kid.  I had a PC.  Nevertheless, I had an Atari 2600, a Genesis, and a TurboGrafx 16.  I also had a Gameboy.  I had maybe five Genesis games, 15 TurboGrafx games, and 30 Gameboy games.  That’s what somebody who WASN’T INTERESTED in console games had.  I’d hook this shit up maybe every two or three days on average.  Play for a bit.

Erin had four games.  

6:30 – Erin tells a story about painting her nails and getting nail polish on the controller.  THAT’S THE STORY!  IT GOES NOWHERE.  But horny John Hancock says, “Nail polish on the controller.  That’s awesome.”

Her story goes nowhere because she doesn’t have any stories to tell.  She didn’t play this shit.  She was painting her fucking nails.  

Then he asks what colour nail polish.  This is brutal.  Is he getting off on this or is he just desperate to get some kind of conversation out of Erin?  

7:45 – John starts talking about his childhood memories with Rygar.  No prizes for guessing whether or not Erin knows about this game.  It’s just more smiling and nodding.

8:15 – Erin says, “I haven’t gotten far in that game”.  So another one that she played for a few seconds in one of her “variety streams” I guess.  She counts that as having played the game.

8:45 – Yeah.  Microsoft Return of Arcade.

Why is this happening?  Why is Erin even doing this?  I mean Youtube as a whole.  She’s terrible at it.  Just look at the interactions that she’s having with Hancock over here.  He has to edit this to shit and it’s still awkward as fuck.  She has absolutely no knowledge, interest, or experience with video games.  Why do this?  

Then she gives the same BORING AS FUCK story about how this game inspired her to want to know more about the older video games.  But she didn’t do that.  She got FOUR GAMES.  So what the fuck is she talking about?  She must be talking about when she started her Youtube channel as a 29 year old woman.  And was getting paid for this shit.

11:30 -After this guy talks about his memories of Metroid, Erin says that she never played it before.  “Just play a Metroid game” is a thought that she, apparently, has had recently.  On stream, for money, of course.  As a 32 year old woman.  For the first and last time ever.

12:00 – Some Barbie game.  This is the fourth game that she had as a child.  Fourth and final.  And by her own admission, when she did a review of it recently, she barely played it.  Same with Revenge of Arcade.  

“It sucked but I played it a lot.”

Just watch the review.  I don’t want to keep shooting down her lies.  I’m sick of it.  Who cares?

13:45 – He starts talking about Ghouls n Ghosts.  Erin doesn’t even know where she is.

15:15 – “I never got super far in it or anything.”

This seems to be her euphemism for, “I played it for a few seconds, on stream, for money, during a variety stream”.

That’s the video.  This was brutal.  At least she didn’t lie.  Not any major lies, anyway.

But we already knew this.  The woman had four games as a child.  Is this somebody who should be brought on to talk about her childhood love for video games?  It’s just so terrible.  Why does she keep getting invited to these things?  Do these people not see that this is a fraud?  She’s TELLING you that she only had four games as a child.  It just doesn’t make sense.

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