Star Trek: Elite Force ORIGINAL SERIES ENTERPRISE mod – Mike Matei

He’s playing a mod of some 20 year old game that nobody remembers.  In multi-player mode.  Against one person.  The guy who does his Twitch emojis.  His name is Dex or something.

He’s done this before.  It’s such a wasted opportunity.  These games are at least 16 players, right?  Why not get Erin to join?  She got first place in Fortnight on her first attempt.  She should be a pro.  

And get people from the fucking chat to play.  I know the problem.  People are going to say, “Hey!  You posted your penis!  BOOTSY!” whatever.  So kick them.  Or give that Dex guy the ability to kick people.  

If you’re afraid that people are going to say stuff, turn voice chat off.

Also, to mitigate all of these problems, offer these playing slots to the people who have “donated” the most money to you.  Long-time subscribers.  And let them know that if there are any problems, you’re going to have to ban them from your stream.  Or if you don’t want to lose that sweet five bucks a month, don’t ban them.  But you can still threaten them.  Gently.

Think of what a better experience this would be.  Sixteen person deathmatch or team deathmatch or whatever this game is.  

Instead, it’s Mike and some dude running around a giant map desperately trying to find each other.  This is stupid.

He could also straight up charge money to join.  If you want to play, “donate” twenty bucks.  That would also weed out some of the stupid kids who would just cause problems.  And that’s whatever…$20 x 14 right there.  $280.  Not bad.  

It’s a straight money maker.  Are people doing this?  If not, why not?

People would surely pay.  If $20 is too much, cut it in half.  Even $5 would be worth it.  Say $5 for an hour.  That seems reasonable to me.  And that’s an extra $70/hour for playing video games on top of whatever “donations” he gets during that hour.

And what about Tony?  Mike & Tony Tuesdays is done, apparently.  What happened?  They were awful because they were edited to shit and Mike was a giant asshole in every episode but Tony is obviously up for playing.  

You can get Kieran as well.  And Justin.  We’re already up to six people.  Maybe their schedules wouldn’t allow for it, maybe they’d expect to get paid.  I don’t know how it works.  But do something.  This 1v1 is shit.  

16:45 – So after 15+ minutes of Mike giving a nerdy tour of the USS Enterprise (I don’t know which specific one it is) he starts the game, he’s in the bridge, and he says, “I’m just going to hide right here.”  And he aims the crosshair right at the only entrance to the room.

I mean…this is fucking stupid.  

Here’s another problem I thought of.  Other players could cheat by watching the stream.  They would always know where Mike is by watching the stream.  

But isn’t there something for that?  Like you can make it so there’s a delay between the stream and real time?   I’m sure something can be figured out.  And these are just friendly games anyway.  Who really cares if people cheat?

18:00 – Then he gets bored of waiting so exits the room, which takes him to an elevator.  The elevator just teleports you to another part of the map.  And it turns out that Dex was waiting there at the teleport spot because he presumably knew that Mike was camping in the bridge.  So Dex gets tele-fragged.

Mike doesn’t even know what happened.  This happened earlier in the stream too, by accident, and Dex used the word “tele-frag” and Mike seemed unfamiliar with the term.

I suspect that Mike has virtually no experience with online multiplayer first/third person shooters.  

Is that why he’s just 1v1ing his bitch?  Dex knows that if he goes too hard on Mike that Mike is going to, effectively, fire him from his emoji job.  

I want to see competitive matches.  What’s the point otherwise?  People can still suck but everybody has to try.  None of this goofy bullshit.  

Anyway, this particular mod would be awful for multiplayer matches anyway.  That’s not even what this was designed for.  I don’t think so, anyway.  This is just like some nerdy tech demo of what the Enterprise would look like.  The game was originally a Deep Space Nine game, apparently.  

So yeah, there’s just loads of places where you can just camp and wait it out.  It’s not good.

Yeah.  Then he found the guy and then he immediately lost him and then they’re both just running around again.  This is stupid.

But there’s a kernel of a good idea here.  Online multiplayer games.  With more than one other person.  There are fucking thousands of them.  There are free games.  He could do Friday the 13th for Halloween.  

Also an idea for Erin.  I don’t know if she has enough of an audience to fill a 16 person server but try it out.  Play a game that has bots to make up the numbers or if it’s a fairly recent game, allow random people to join.  She could make it so that only subscribers can play.  So it’s giving back to her horny nerd fans and also encouraging non-subscribers to subscribe.  

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