https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzQt8um_hkA
Twenty minutes? Come on. This is too much. What the fuck is she going to say for 20 minutes?
Oh god. She just starts with her usual “Hey guys” and then “jokes” about mispronouncing the name of the game. Then she’s straight into gameplay.
Where the fuck is Wikipedia dot com? As low effort as Wikipedia dot com is, at least it’s something. This is zero effort.
Can you tell us anything about the fucking game? Is it a platformer? Shooter? RPG? What?
0:15 – “Look at that unicorn. I wonder if that’s a Lisa Frank poster.”
That’s her first fucking comment in the game. This is trash. I don’t understand it.
People are jerking off to this. That’s the audience. I understand that much. What I don’t understand is why.
They might find Erin attractive. Fine. I can go along with that too. In theory.
But what is it about this brain-dead commentary that they find erotic? That’s the mystery. How can anyone possibly watch these horrendous videos and be entertained by them on any level?
I mean, it’s not just horny nerds like Shishi who are watching this. Allegedly, other gamer grrls are watching this shit. They comment, anyway. What are they enjoying about these videos? Are they masturbating over this too?
I suspect that these other gamer grrls aren’t actually watching. They’re just leaving generic comments as a way to promote their shit channels.
Is there somebody out there who’s actually enjoying the commentary? That’s what I want to know. Is there somebody out there who enjoys “X looks like Y” and “this is cute” and “look at that background character”?
I’d like to do a survey of her viewers to try to find out what exactly it is. I don’t suppose that Erin would let me post such a survey on her channel, though. And I don’t think that you can send private messages on Youtube so I can’t just message everyone individually.
0:30 – “It’s very Castlevania-y, which is maybe why I keep coming back to it.”
It doesn’t seem anything like Castlevania to me. But yeah, she’s a huge Castlevania fan. She first played a Castlevania game about two years ago. On stream. For money. That’s the only time and place where she plays video games.
“I think he looks like a cacodemon or a Metroid or something.”
She first played Doom about two months ago. On stream, for money, of course. Not sure about Metroid. She must have done a stream or Youtube video about it but nothing comes to mind.
But yeah, what happened to that Doom idea? She was playing some old Doom game, on stream, for money, and was UNBELIEVABLY bad at it. And the reason why she was playing this game, on stream, for money, was as a way to practice for her ultimate goal which was to play Doom: Eternal, on stream, for money.
She never did that. Maybe because she realised that her Doom skills were horrible even by her rock bottom standards. It was the first time that she played a game “with mouse and keyboard”. Unbelievable.
0:45 She’s making some stupid single entendres about “whacking” her weapon. I say “single entendre” because these aren’t even…I mean…she could not tell a joke to save her life. These are not even jokes. They’re not double entendres.
But anyway, she’s overlaying pictures of an Asian guy and then that Captain Picard picture where he has his hand on his head. It’s just so out of place. And earlier in the video, she overlaid a picture of a unicorn.
This stuff is not funny. But she’s trying to insert some nerd “jokes”. It’s stupid and annoying.
By the way, she gets hit. A LOT. By every enemy. Multiple times. In this edited gameplay. Or at least it could have been edited but I assume that she did everything in one take. Why put effort into this?
1:30 – “You can use fire, or lightning, or I forget what that is but we’re going to find out.”
She’s describing some power ups. She doesn’t know what they are. Because she barely played this game.
Is being a fake gamer grrl really the easiest way to get attention? What other types of videos could she do that would be popular? I don’t know. Try on hauls? There are much hotter women doing that and is that popular anyway? Makeup tutorials? Lots of women doing that too, better looking women, and I don’t think that Erin has the talent or know how.
She could do rants about other Youtubers but I suppose that that requires some charisma and she doesn’t have it. There’s like shit where you build stuff but again, that requires talent and know how. There’s pornography, of course, but realistically, who would want to see Erin?
So yeah, I suppose that retro video games is a good choice for somebody with no charisma and no talent. Merely being female is enough to get some views. Not a lot. There are plenty of women who are getting fewer views than Erin. But retro gaming does seem the easiest option.
2:00 – “He’s like a gelatinous bouncy ball that probably picks up lint and all kinds of shit”
Yeah. Funny.
“Kind of looks like a Xenomorph made out of Twizzlers.”
Oh. X looks like Y, you say. Good one.
3:15 – “I should call this video, ‘Erin tries to beat the first level or two of Astyanax'”.
It’s just…I give up. Let’s move on.
“Look at him jump. He’s a little jumping bean.”
Yeah.
Why is this 20 minutes?
4:00 – “Here’s knock off Skelator”.
Hey, fellow nerds! I know about nerd stuff too!
Didn’t she say that she only watched the He-Man cartoons recently? There was something like this. Yeah, in that fucking He-Man video. Let me look this up.
I talk about it here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/04/top-ten-he-man-games-erin-plays-httpswww.html
“It was a little before my time so I didn’t grow up with it. Since then, I’ve watched a lot of episodes of the cartoon series.”
She watched this shit as an adult. Recently. For the purposes of making this stupid He-Man video. And I highly doubt that she watched it much at all. Why would she anyway? What grown woman wants to watch the He-Man cartoons?
4:15 – “The purple ones look like a bunch of grape bubble gum or something.”
Then a picture of grape gum. This is so god damned funny. I just can’t stand it.
“Don’t those look like little Cokes? It looks like they’re giving you little Cokes. It doesn’t fit the theme of this, does it?”
Probably because they’re not Cokes, as you know full well. But these the “jokes”. This is the only fucking “joke” that she has. “X looks like Y”.
6:30 – “The platforming is really awkward because you get caught on the hitboxes…of the background.”
Is she using the word “hitbox” correctly? I don’t even know anymore and I don’t care.
And every time she dies it’s “SHIT!” “FUCK!” “DAMN!” as if she actually cares in the slightest.
9:30 – “Oh my god, it’s the bull.”
She doesn’t know what a minotaur is. I’m not criticising her lack of knowledge of Greek mythology so much as her lack of knowledge of video games. Minotaurs being pretty common in video games.
She’s talking about the colours a lot…moving on.
11:45 – She calls one of the power ups a “pie graph”. Yeah. That’s funny. That’s a funny joke.
Even when she realises that it’s a “time stopper”, she continues to call it a “pie graph”. It’s obviously supposed to be some kind of clock.
15:45 – “Talk to the hand, asshole!”
Ha! Remember that? “The 90s”!
She keeps dying on the same boss. Maybe try a different power up? No, just keep doing the same thing that hasn’t worked the previous nine times.
18:45 – “I know I can try it again because I got that extra life, but guess what? I don’t want to try it again because I can’t. I can’t do it.”
This is your job, Erin. You play video games for a living. You’re a gamer grrl. You want that $100 this month, don’t you?
– “I always look forward to a new Erin Plays every time she uploads one! Not only for her fantastic game play finesse, but also for her commentary.”
God, I wish I could pick this guy’s brain. Yogibear2k2, if you see this comment, send me a message.
– “You are making the best videos of all Youtube. Thanks!”
– “Great job on the pronunciation :D! I was on the edge of my seat for that floating Krang boss!”
That was from NewWaveJunkie. You know who never replies to these Youtube videos? Shishi. That’s really weird. Maybe he’s posting under a different name..