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TOP GUN MAVERICK IS BETTER THAN TOP GUN – Newt Wallen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62xRpCLA5qs
Pardon the clickbait all-caps. That’s how The Ideas Man did it. I just copied and pasted it. I won’t make an obvious joke here.
So Top Gun. He better talk about how gay that movie was.
0:00 – “Last night, I screened Top Gun: Maverick for a couple of friends.”
I don’t know. Whatever. Good for Newt.
I’m five minutes in. I’m just looking at background shit to try to stay entertained. He’s in his office at work. One of the tiles on the ceiling isn’t laying flat. It’s those cheap kind of thick cardboard type tiles that schools have. And offices, I guess. In the US, at least.
In the sixth grade, there was one day where some kids jumped up and punched a lot of these ceiling panels. They would just break apart really easily. They probably broke about ten of them? Something like this. Maybe less.
So the next day, some teacher was screaming at us about what miserable shits we are and all of the time and money that was spent to repair the ceiling.
How much do those fucking tiles cost? A dollar? And they’re installed in a matter of seconds. No tools required. You just twist them in there and set them down. It works entirely on gravity.
Fucking asshole. And I didn’t even do anything. Why am I getting yelled at? Go fuck yourself, you fat, bald, piece of shit.
6:15 – “It’s just this guy who’s trapped in his mistakes from the past and I know about that. I live with that every fucking day.”
Well at least he’s, kind of, accepting some responsibility for the plagiarism here.
8:45 – Newt starts talking about classic Hollywood actresses who make him hard. Shout out to Ann-Margaret.
Eh. She’s no Jayne Mansfield.
Wasn’t there a Flintstones episode that referenced Ann-Margaret?
https://flintstones.fandom.com/wiki/Ann-Margrock
Yeah. Ann-Margrock. That’s the problem with The Flintstones. They referenced all of these actors and actresses from the era and then you watch it today and you think, “What the hell is going on?” It immediately dates the show.
It’s like that Bugs Bunny short where Elmer Fudd was going to cook Bugs Bunny for some Hollywood party and there were a bunch of contemporary actors there like Humphrey Bogart. Most of them were caricatures, which made things even more confusing. You watch that shit today and you have no idea who any of these people are. They’ve all been dead for at least 50 years.
I imagine that it will be the same with The Simpsons and their shitty flavour of the month guest stars who they bring on. And South Park with their constant references to contemporary minutia. Those shows will be completely incomprehensible to anyone who wasn’t alive when this shit happened.
17:00 – “It’s also got the homoerotic football scene in this one, not a volleyball scene.”
Oh here we go. I was getting worried.
18:00 – “Go watch my kimono video. My friend gave me a kimono from the 1970s so I wore it and I flashed the screen.”
Yeah, one homoerotic thing at a time, Newt. I want to talk about how gay Top Gun is first.
So you always hear about how gay Top Gun is. There was that scene in whatever it was where Quentin Tarantino talked about it. This is all well known. We all know that Top Gun is supposed to have a lot of gay undertones.
But I never watched the movie until maybe ten years ago. So I thought it was just one of those things that people say. It’s just people trying to say that everything is gay to fulfil whatever their agenda is. Maybe they’re some religious nut and talking about how the Jews in Hollywood are corrupting the public by putting gay shit in the movies. Maybe they’re gay themselves and like the idea that all of these characters in movies are secretly gay. Maybe they’re just having fun by trying to claim that everything is gay.
Then I watched the movie. No. These are not gay undertones. The whole movie is openly gay. The volleyball scene, of course. “I want some butts”. There’s a whole list of things that people have covered extensively. It goes on throughout the entire movie. You can’t miss it. It’s not subtle. The whole thing is gay, they’re not being secretive about it, it’s an openly gay movie.
So now let’s look at this bizarre gay video that Newt uploaded. I’ve already watched it so I won’t be shocked.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjEgvEsmGhg
The video is one minute long. Newt’s friend purchased a garment for Newt. Newt describes this garment as a “kimono”. It’s just a robe. That’s not what a kimono is. Is it?
He holds up the bag that this garment came in and there’s a drawing of a Western man wearing a robe. This further suggests that this is just a robe. A kimono is something different. Am I insane? Let me look this up.
Yeah, a kimono has oversized sleeves and a wide belt and they’re worn by women. And I don’t think that they’ve been popular in Japan for at least 100 years. They’ve been reduced to ceremonial wear only nowadays.
What Newt is wearing is a robe. Maybe it was made in Japan but it’s still just a robe.
He calls it a “robe” interchangeably with “kimono” but they’re not the same thing.
0:45 – “This seems like the kind of thing that a scumbag like me would wear.”
Then he says, “Ladies”, of which there are none in the audience, and opens the robe. His underpants are much lower than they should be. And…well, I won’t comment on his physique other than to say that this is not something that should be shared on Youtube.
When I first saw this video, I didn’t rush to write about it because I expected him to come to his senses and delete this video. But no. To the contrary. In a separate video, he encourages you to watch the video.
This just seems like a cry for help. But he’s been doing much better with these videos lately. There were no Horseface references in the past two videos. He hasn’t had PVC Bondage Girl or Mel in the videos of late, so he’s not saying any creepy shit to them and they’re not there in their totally inappropriate outfits.
So I thought that Newt was doing better. One step forward, two steps back, I guess. But the road to good mental health is a long one and Newt shouldn’t get discouraged.
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Erin Was in California for the Billionth Time
https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1529672730190262272
Hi! Trying to get things back together now that I’m back from CA. The last few Kirby streams are having trouble exporting correctly (I put them all together in a post-game/true ending compilation) and I’m starting to edit the next main channel video now.
Why do I only ever know this after the fact? And why do other people seem to know when she’s away? Where is she making these announcements? Maybe it was during one of her boring Kirby streams that I refused to watch.
She must go to California at least ten times a year. No exaggeration. Who would do this? What adult visits their parents, who live 4000 miles away, this much?
And what is she even doing there? Showing Mike the three sites that she has memories of over and over again? “Here’s the Pink Dog where I threw up. Here’s the restaurant that served me a bowl of ranch dressing. Here’s the wall that I used to stare at.”
She’s never done anything. Does she have friends there? Is she just hanging out with her parents talking about celebrities who recently died? And Mike is sitting there with them? Isn’t it awkward as fuck given how often he talks about fucking Erin in the ass?
I wonder if Erin’s parents read the blog. I really hope not. I hope that Erin’s parents just live in blissful ignorance about this whole creepy shit that Erin got involved in. Trying to get into a sugar baby relationship with random “Youtubers”. Actually finding somebody desperate enough to take her up on her sleazy offer. That guy constantly talking about fucking her in the ass. Taking money from mentally challenged, horny losers. Doing all of this for very little money.
It’s not what any parent wants for their child. Well, I don’t know. Erin’s parents didn’t seem to be particularly proactive when it came to parenting. And they only had the one child. Maybe she was an accident. And they refused to engage with her at all.
Why would she even want to see people like this? They were clearly terrible parents. They didn’t seem to do ANYTHING with Erin. Listen to her fucking stories. It’s always stuff that she didn’t do. Toys that she didn’t get.
She’s 35 years old and this is what she’s accomplished in life. A sugar daddy relationship with the guy who runs the ManBabyGaming channel on Twitch and her shitty Youtube channel that makes $50/month.
How is she ever going to find a decent job? What is she going to put on her resume?
Erin Plays
Degree in English (2008)
Worked in a record store (2008 – 2018)
Fake Gamer Grrl on Youtube (2017 – present)
Interests: none
Hobbies: noneYou don’t put hobbies and interests on American resumes though, do you? I think that they’re pretty common on British resumes. I sure as fuck don’t put hobbies and interests on my resume, though. Who gives a shit? I’m there to apply for a fucking job.
“Oh, this guy likes video games and writing about little known Youtubers on the internet. You’re hired!”
I think that that’s pretty much it for Erin. Was she going to do anything fabulous anyway? She was working in a record store for many years.
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Joe Bob Briggs RETURNS! The Last Drive-In, Horror Movies, and More! – Cinemassacre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4-_bXHynwk
Gee, James. Where do you get your ideas?
Joe Bob was just on Talking About Tapes with Tony from Hack the Movies like two days ago.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/05/the-strangest-sequel-ever-made-with-joe.html
How sad is this? Joe Bob is on Tony’s show and Mr Autism over here is just hanging around the set, looking sad, hoping that Joe Bob will take pity on him and agree to an interview.
James…the man was there to talk about The Howling 7 with Youtube’s preeminent movie reviewer: Tony from Hack the Movies. Can you just go get your own fucking guests? Do your own videos? Come up with your own ideas?
A fucking hour of this bullshit. And according to the boys on Reddit, it’s boring as fuck. I’ll just count the “yeah’s” to make it entertaining. What other words should I tally up? “Uh huh”? “Mmhmm”? I’m not sure about “mmhmm”. But if I’m okay with “uh huh” why not “mmhmm” too? “Uh huh” is perhaps slightly more of a word but only slightly.
I’ll do running tallies of ALL words AND sounds in the affirmative. So “yeah”, “yes,” yep”, “damn straight”, all of that shit, plus the sounds.
0:00 – “If it wasn’t for Joe Bob and MonsterVision, I might not even be making movie reviews the way I am today.”
Let’s not blame Joe Bob for this, Jimmy.
“But first, a word from our sponsors.”
Some shitty mobile game. Not the usual one, at least.
1:15 – “Alright. So here comes the part where I introduce the guest.”
It’s so bad . This is a Youtube professional with like 15 years of experience.
I’m reminded of my youth. This is only tangentially related. But in the 7th or 8th grade, we had to make cards for the American troops in Iraq. It was all part of the propaganda effort. We had to do this a few times.
So I remember reading one guy’s card and it started with, “I have to write a letter to the soldiers for school so here it is.”
I knew that this was bad. I knew that it was insulting. But the teacher read it and had no problem with it.
So the next time we had to do these letters, I decided to plagiarise this guy’s opening. It worked for him, it should work for me.
The teacher took my card, read it to herself, and then read it out loud to the class in an effort to embarrass me. “Does that sound like an appropriate way to write a letter to a soldier?”
I ripped that guy’s opening off verbatim, for the same fucking assignment, and I know for a fact that she had no problem with that guy’s card. Suddenly, when I do it, it’s the worst thing that anyone has ever done. I’m worse than Saddam Hussein. I’m supporting Saddam Hussein. I probably put my political enemies in woodchippers too. And I take babies out of incubators. I’m also storing weapons of mass destruction in my ass.
I read a news item recently about somebody finding homemade cards written to Russian soldiers in Ukraine. And the cards talked about how thankful these kids are to the soldiers for protecting them and making the world safe for…whatever. Same exact propaganda.
Anyway, we’ve got an hour of clueless Jimmy to get through.
1:45 – Hey, we got our first “mmhmm”. I won’t timestamp all of them but I’ll periodically update my tally.
6:15 – Okay, so we’re up to 10 “mmhmm”s and 3 “yeah’s”.
I should clarify my methodology. If James is actually answering a question in the affirmative, I don’t count those. It’s only when he just doesn’t know what to say so says “yeah” or “mmhmm” as an awkward filler that I’m counting. There are some close calls. It’s somewhat subjective.
This video is boring as fuck, by the way.
9:30 – I’m noticing that James also says “wow” a lot when he doesn’t know what to say. But it’s too late to add that to my list. I’m not going to watch the first ten minutes of this bullshit again.
Here’s the current tally:
Mmhmm – 12
Yeah – 8
Uh huh – 1Moving on.
16:45 – They’re talking about the fake Satanist band scare of the 1980s where people thought that heavy metal bands were Satanists and they had subliminal messages in their songs and whatever. And Jimmy says that there are real heavy metal bands who burn churches down and “are really scary”.
What in the name of fuck? Jimmy is just on another planet. Retard Planet. This is why he believes in all of this nonsense like Atlantis and Bigfoot. This is why he’s so petrified of covid and falling rocks. He’s an idiot. He’s mentally challenged. This is a clinical problem.
So this is what we’re up to:
Mmhmm – 19
Yeah – 15
Uh huh – 218:00 – He says “yeah” six times in 15 seconds. There are three couplets of “yeah yeah”. Hey, this all counts, Jimmy. Didn’t you know that I’d be keeping a running score of this? “Yeah” has just jumped out in the lead. I don’t know if “mmhmm” will be able to recover.
Mmhmm – 19
Yeah – 24
Uh huh – 2By the way, they’re talking about some holiday called Walpurgis Night that Joe Bob claims is big in Europe. Jimmy has also heard of this.
Really? Let me look this up.
Maybe it is. Well, not Europe broadly but he was talking specifically about the Nordic countries. It’s news to me. It’s on Wikipedia, though. Mmhmm.
22:15 – For whatever reason, Jimmy is hung up on St George’s Day. He thinks that it’s somehow associated with this holiday because some movie he saw said that St George’s Day is a few days before this Walpurgis Night.
Mmhmm – 22
Yeah – 30
Uh huh – 330:00 – Okay, I’m done. I’m starting to lose focus. I know that I missed a few but I’m just totally zoning out. Here’s what I got:
Mmhmm – 26
Yeah – 33
Uh huh – 3So about 1 “mmhmm” and 1 “yeah” a minute. And this is heavily edited. James can not have a conversation at all. It all has to be from his notes. James makes Tony from Hack the Movies look like Charlie Rose.
Whatever happened to that guy? Wasn’t there some scandal?
Yeah…nebulous claims of sexual harassment, groping, and lewd phone calls. I wouldn’t put any of that past Tony from Hack the Movies. And Newt openly advertises his fondness for such behaviour.
Who might Tony be groping, though? Horseface McGee? That lesbian intern they’ve had for the past two years? Neither one of them have anything to grope. Maybe he’s feeling on Justin Silverman.
Oh, I just realised that this is my 777th article. It’s a sign. I’m going to teach James Rolfe how to count cards and we’re going to go to Vegas.
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WTF Wednesday Review: Lady Terminator – Newt Wallen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEok2fGVXhg
Back to Newt’s kitchen.
0:15 – “This movie has been covered by Red Letter Media, Good Bad Flicks, Dark Corners, and a tonne of other channels. It’s been talked about a lot.”
Yeah. Even I’ve seen videos of this before. Maybe the Red Letter Media one. But Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen doesn’t mind doing things that have already been done, better, by other people.
Anyway, then his cat knocks down some poster that he had perilously propped up behind him.
1:45 – Newt starts this weird discussion about how “lower class” people in Indonesia were appeased by a totalitarian government in the form of tits and gore movies. Then he continues about how important movies, tv shows, and video games are to “lower class” people, and cites himself as an example.
I guess it’s true? These are all entertainment mediums for the masses. Overwhelmingly lowbrow. And he’s specifically talking about tits and gore, because that’s all he ever talks about, and that’s decidedly lowbrow.
But was this a specific strategy employed by the Indonesian government to placate the masses? Tits and gore movies as a form of control? I don’t know. Maybe?
Who was ruling Indonesia in 1988? A military dictatorship, lead by some guy named Suharto, who ruled from 1971 to 1998.
I’m looking at the regime’s Wikipedia page and I’m not seeing any reference to tits and gore films used as a tool to supress dissent. I’m not saying that Newt is wrong, though. I’m intrigued by the concept. Newt should write a book on his tits and gore theory as it applies to the New Order era of Indonesia.
4:30 – “There’s nothing that I can say about this movie that somebody else hasn’t already said way better than me.”
He’s made numerous references in this video about how other people have already reviewed this movie. But when has ripping off other people’s ideas ever been a hinderance to Newt? That’s all he does.
No Horseface references yet, by the way. Is he going to be able to pull this off for the full 22 minute video? I’d be astonished.
9:15 – He’s talking about the woman who played the titular character in Lady Terminator. “I’ve never seen a single episode of Game of Thrones. I know she was on that show, though. Which is weird because I love boobs and I love dragons and zombies and wieners and those are all in that show but I just never got around to seeing it.”
So aside from Newt’s boring obsession with tits and gore that he has to mention ten times in every video, we can also add penises to that. So is Newt officially coming out of the closet in this video?
9:45 – He’s talking about some other actor in the movie. “His credit in the movie, his name is Adam Stardust, which is hilarious. I was just like, ‘Adam Stardust is a great name.” It seems like it would be like an 80s Marvel character.”
Or maybe you’re thinking of David Bowie.
10:30 – “Every guy who the Lady Terminator kills — she keeps killing dudes and mangling their dicks or their tit ripped off or something like that. So I guess part of her power is that she’s got to be fuelled by wieners. I’ve known a few girls like that in my life.”
What is this? Is it a Horseface reference? Is it general misogyny? Is he saying this to somehow compliment these women? Is he bigging himself up, talking about all of the hot chicks who he had sex with? I have no idea.
11:30 – “I also like how everyone who’s an assistant in this movie, their credit is ‘Ass”. Like “Ass Director, Ass Cameraman’”
What are you ten years old? That’s the normal abbreviation for “assistant.”
14:30 – “I’m a big fan of Indonesian cinema.”
Oh, do go on. What other Indonesian films do you enjoy?
I’d like to see the Indonesian take on tits and gore.
What a real film curator Newt is.
18:45 – “What’s your favourite copyright-infringing other horror movie?”
He just keeps setting himself up with these comments.
That’s the video. Not a single Horseface reference, with that one possible exception. Wow. I’m really impressed. Maybe he’s finally getting over Horseface. Good for him.
– “Funny, I met the real Elvira this past weekend.”
Newt replies, “I met her years ago at a con. Ive been a fan of her my whole life”
Uh huh. Tits and gore, you say. Interesting. What a novel thing to say. I’ll look into this.
And 70 year old Elvira. That’s hot.
I was watching footage of Elvira on some late night talk show from the 1980s. I think Joan Rivers was doing the interview. I had never actually seen the Elvira character before. I knew what she looked like and that she had big tits but I didn’t watch anything that she was on. I don’t even know anything that she was on other than some shitty movie that she did.
But the character is annoying as fuck. It’s some California valley girl shit. Why would this interest me? I don’t live in California and never have. I don’t get the reference. I don’t give a fuck about California.
Let’s check out The Idea Man’s Twitter while I’m here.
https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1529671938272018432
He gives an update on how many subscribers that he has on Youtube. Newt, let me assure you that nobody on earth gives a shit how many subscribers you have. Just keep it to yourself. We don’t need daily updates.
And he’ll tell you have many view hours he has and shit like this. It’s ridiculous. Nobody cares.
https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1528824687303741443
“Got forwarded this. And it made my day. Just knowing people who I dont know have read issue 1 and like it. Gave me a big dumb smile”
And it’s a screenshot of a tweet of some girl talking about how she likes the Florida Man Saves Christmas comic book. And it’s clearly a school-aged girl.
It’s creepy. Newt is happy that some schoolgirl is enjoying his tits and gore comic book.
A couple of people in the comments ask when the comic is going to be available on the internet. Newt doesn’t know. It was supposed to be this month. Where’s the “merch” store?
I don’t know why he doesn’t just put them on Ebay. Or Etsy. I know that they take a cut of the profits but there must be some site he can use that has a satisfactory system. Having your own “merch” store probably presents its own set of problems. I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t. But get it done. We’re all dying to see this tits and gore bullshit.
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The Strangest Sequel Ever Made? (With Joe Bob Briggs) – Tony from Hack the Movies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCXHPbX5RiI
Oh, it’s Joe Bob Briggs. But not the Job Bob Briggs I vaguely remember from my youth. This is Joe Bob Briggs who’s 25 years older. Although, I guess I am too.
I never watched the show but I’d see commercials on TNT or TBS for Monster…something. I must have been watching WCW Monday Nitro because I don’t recall ever watching any other stuff on TBS or TNT. Didn’t they just show old Andy Griffith reruns? I think that was TBS.
0:00 – Tony does some cringe shit. I won’t even describe it.
1:00 – Joe Bob actually says that the interview that he did with James Rolfe was good. I don’t know if it was or not, I don’t remember the video, but…James Rolfe? Doing a good interview? I’d be shocked if that’s true.
2:00 – Tony says that he wanted to see this Monstervision marathon that Joe Bob is talking about…but didn’t. Good story, Tony.
By the way, I chose this video partly because it’s “only” an hour. So short by Tony from Hack the Movies standards. And he’s talking about….sequels. I guess. He’s starting with the Howling series. I’ve never seen them and I don’t give a fuck.
So Joe Bob is trying to have an organic conversation about the Howling series but Tony is just reading from his fucking notes and summarising the movies in order.
Oh wait. I’m 15 minutes in and only now realising that this video is ONLY about Howling 7. Not sequels broadly. Why didn’t he put “Howling 7” in the fucking title? People don’t like being lied to.
I think that it’s nap time. I’ll pause it here rather than let it play while I sleep. Maybe I’ll come back to this when I wake up. Maybe.
Well, I woke up. I’ll try it a bit longer but only because Joe Bob knows how to actually talk about movies. Boo at Tony and his boring summaries.
21:00 – I’m going back to bed. It’s like I have narcolepsy when I watch these videos. A two hour nap wasn’t enough, I guess.
That was another hour. No, I don’t want to watch any more.
This is too short. Let me check out Tony’s Twitter.
I won’t link to it but that Pegwarmers guy got married to some fat chick with a child. Good for them. I wish them many years of happiness.
Otherwise, it’s all just tweets promoting his shitty videos. This is boring.
Well, hopefully somebody interesting starts uploading stuff soon. Where has Newt been?
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PUNCH A DEMON IN THE FACE?! Why I Love DOOM – Cinemassacre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TFq_wyYBJU
0:00 – “I guess, you’re probably a fan of first-person shooter games.”
Not me, Jimmy. You’ve got the wrong guy.
Sure, I’ve played Doom. It was just what everybody was talking about and I was the right age. I was in high school. It was all the rage.
I thought that it sounded stupid as fuck, though, so I avoided it. I preferred more cerebral games like Sierra adventure games (the ones where you have to type, not really the clicking ones) and grand strategy games like Civilization.
But I finally broke down and got Final Doom. I must have been in college at this point. I played it but I didn’t like it. It was fucking impossible. I only played it on god mode and explored the levels.
I tried other games in the genre. I got the Duke Nukem Collection which contained a bunch of those games. That sucked ass and again, I only played on god mode.
Then I got Half-Life. This must might have been after college or in my later college years. Half-Life remains the only good first person shooter that I’ve ever played. I played it on regular mode. No god mode required. It has reasonable difficulty. And I got up to the Xen level and I quit. You had to make some jumps and…I didn’t know what the fuck was going on and I gave up. I think that this is a lot of people’s experience with Half-Life. They quit at the Xen level.
But from Half-Life, I also played Team Fortress Classic and, briefly, Counterstrike. I didn’t care much for Counterstrike, I couldn’t even tell the difference between my team and the enemy team. Everybody looked the same.
I played Team Fortress Classic for many thousands of hours, though. Are we including this as a first person-shooter? I guess we’d have to. But multiplayer. Half-Life is the only single player first-person shooter that I’ve ever liked.
I also played Day of Defeat a fair bit. They had so many good mods for Half-Life. Full games, made by amateur nerds in their parents’ basement that you could play for free just with a copy of Half-Life. The value of that game was through the roof. You pay forty bucks or whatever and get thousands of hours of playtime across dozens of games.
Then I got Half-Life 2. That sucked. I didn’t get too far before losing interest.
But I was able to play Team Fortress 2 with that. Or was Team Fortress 2 its own game? I don’t remember. But I played Team Fortress 2 for many thousands of hours up until just a couple of years ago when I finally quit. The game has been overrun by hacks.
What else? Max Payne and the sequel. Those suck ass. There was some game from the 1990s, I think, where you could choose from three characters (a sexy lady, maybe a robot, and maybe an alien or a werewolf) and that sucked ass. Oni sucked ass. Portal sucked ass. Oh, that game I was thinking of earlier was Eradicator. It still sucked ass. Half Life: Blue Shift…I didn’t play it for long so it must have sucked ass. Same with Half-Life: Opposing Force. Quake sucked ass. I’m not even sure if I played it but I played some Team Fortress mod for Quake or…something. No, it was Unreal. I only played against bots because it was years after the game was released. It was okay but didn’t hold my interest too long.
Oh, Star Wars Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II and Mysteries of the Sith. I liked those games. Definitely in multiplayer, less so in single player but it was still somewhat fun.
I think that that’s every first-person shooter that I’ve ever played. I went through the list on Wikipedia. So yeah, I don’t like them, Jimmy. What’s your point?
Are we expected to believe that James Rolfe likes first person shooters? Or at least this fucking ancient game Doom? Is that what he wants us to believe? This is insulting to my intelligence. James does not play fucking video games.
0:15 – I…what? This is just an advertisement? He’s shilling for a fucking documentary. What in the name of the fuck? Is this really happening?
Oh, Deus Ex. I played that for a bit. I had fun at the time but I didn’t get too far in the game.
Back to the shilling.
Oh my god. This is shameful.
This was just a fucking ad. It’s a good thing that I filibustered for 15 paragraphs about games that I played.
And it’s so fucking disingenuous. James Rolfe does not play games. He doesn’t know anything about Doom. He gave only the most superficial, idiotic contributions. “I liked punching demons in the face. Who does that? Who punches demons in the face?” Good job, Mr Autism.
What the fuck is this horseshit? How could anybody think that this was a good idea? Clearly label the video a fucking advertisement.
This isn’t worth posting but I already wrote like 20 paragraphs before I realised that it was an ad. So sorry about this. It’s a monument to James’ being a giant fucking shill at least.
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Bobdunga is Single Again!
https://twitter.com/bobdunga92/status/1523757695115075584
Good news for horntards and fans of crazy chicks.
But when did this happen? I don’t think that anything was officially announced. I’ve been skimming her Twitter and no mentions of her boyfriend for the past two months at least.
But didn’t she move in with him? She moved in with him shortly after they started dating, I thought. Let me check the archives.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/11/bobdunga-has-new-boyfriend.html
Yeah, I talk about it there. I link to a few tweets about her boyfriend. And all of those tweets are now deleted. So she definitely stopped going out with this guy.
But in that article, I link to a tweet that says, “Looking at condos today keep your fingers crossed I see something good”. And this was all in relation to her new boyfriend. She was moving out of her mother’s house to live with her boyfriend. They were looking for a condo together.
So what happened? This was in…November 2021. So about six months ago. And she met the guy…fuck…if it was even a month earlier, I’d be surprised.
I assume that she’s living back with her mother now because that relationship is definitely over. Maybe she started accusing him of rape too.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/11/checking-out-bobdungas-twitter.html
There’s an article that I wrote about two weeks after the previous article that I linked to here and I note that Bobdunga hasn’t given any update on this condo search.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/03/the-western-world-of-sailor-moon.html
There’s my review of her terrible Sailor Moon documentary. I published it on 3 March 2022, so two months ago, and I note that I haven’t seen any mention of her boyfriend on her Twitter.
So let’s try to figure out the timeline. I’m thinking that she met this boyfriend in October 2021. They were looking for a condo together in November 2021. And the relationship ended that same month, November 2021. So they never got a condo together. Bobdunga never moved out of her mother’s home.
Maybe don’t boast on Twitter about every new guy you meet. Maybe don’t move in (or attempt to move in) with a guy you’ve only known for a couple of weeks. Basic relationship advice here, Saint Dungalus.
But she has a new boyfriend. I linked to the tweet at the very top.
I went on a date with a guy who’s still learning English and we laughed for 30 minutes about how the English language is broken. Particularly “Why would anyone name their kid Dick?” He lost it when I told him it was short for Richard too
Now she’s preying on desperate Ukrainian immigrants.
And she really has a type. Hey, Bobdunga, is there something wrong with black men? Or Indian men? She must be a really self-loathing person.
But she’s always taking up black power causes. She’s always posting “memes” of black people doing stupid things, which, I think in her mind, is somehow promoting black people.
You see this sort of behaviour with male black comedians. The comedians who talk the most about racism and “White people walk like this but black people walk like this” kind of bullshit inevitably have non-black wives/girlfriends. Richard Pryor, Dave Chappelle, Eddie Griffin, we can go on and on. Probably. Those are the only three I can think of offhand.
They’re so big on promoting black culture and black people but black women? No, I don’t want that. These people don’t actually like black folk and it’s a form of self-loathing.
Same thing with Bobdunga but the genders are reversed.
I suppose that it’s also similar to Newt Wallen and PVC Bondage Girl talking about their contempt for white people.
So anyway, Bobdunga is dating immigrants now. How desperate is this? And immigrants from war torn countries.
I knew a woman…homely as fuck…that’s me being kind, and she had a hot immigrant boyfriend. And he had a child with her. Then he was going to get deported. His visa expired. She was freaking out about this. It was obvious to everybody on earth what this guy was doing. He had a child with this hideous woman because he wanted to stay in the country. But she thought that this was a legitimate relationship.
It’s sad. It’s sad that people take advantage of others like this. And to bring a child into that.
Here’s a picture of Bobdunga’s ass, by the way:
https://twitter.com/bobdunga92/status/1513839353377787909
She says that it was “leg day”. Well, then why not show your legs? Why are you showing your ass?
Anyway, immigrants. And immigrant dating. I’ve dated loads of immigrants, overwhelmingly Asian, and with just a few exceptions, I think that they were mostly on the up and up. There were a couple of scumbags who I thought were gold diggers or trying to stay in the country but the rest of them seemed to have normal intentions.
But frankly, I would have much rather dated a white British woman. White British women weren’t interested. So, as a guy, you just take what you can get.
Bobdunga can find a black guy or an Indian guy to go out with. She’s choosing not to. She’s intentionally picking white guys. And immigrants. War refugees. What the fuck? She’s looking for somebody who won’t leave her, I guess. She’s looking for somebody who she can have some power over.
That guy needs to run a mile from Crazy Bobdunga. She’s going to try to move in with him right away, she’s going to start accusing him of rape, and all of the craziness that comes with Bobdunga is going to start. I’d rather take my chances with the Russians than deal with that Bobdunga bullshit.
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How Can YOU Identify Game Packaging Differences – Zap Cristal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_iSU4kfVF0
It’s Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” Cristal talking in a weird manner. She’s doing her best teacher voice but she’s a complete dolt so it doesn’t work.
And has she gained weight or has she always been this size? She better watch out. Soon she’s going to be Zap “Too Fat to be an Influencer” Cristal.
Anyway, the title of the video doesn’t even make sense. I had to stop the video at 1:45. She’s unwatchable. But from what I saw, it’s about region locking. She’s explaining what region locking is for anyone in the audience who doesn’t know.
I suspect that she knew that it was a bad title. So a couple of days later, she released a “short” that was simply advertising this video. Here’s the short:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Fp8XTblt6_8
I hate Youtube shorts so fucking much. I don’t want the video to repeat. I don’t like how the video is vertically-orientated. I don’t like how the comments section is different. Fuck all of this.
Anyway, in the description she gives her new PO box, “For those that have been requesting it to send packages from the community”.
Was ANYBODY requesting this?
I’m reminded, in the early days of the internet, there was a website where you could order dog shit. It was openly done as a way to prank people. The guy said that he had two dogs and you could choose which dog’s poop you wanted to send. I think later he also expanded his services to soiled diapers. He must have been blessed with a baby.
He had an FAQ and he said that if you want to keep it a secret, you shouldn’t ask the person questions like, “Did you receive any interesting packages lately?” So this was definitely done as a way to send excrement to people you don’t like.
Later, he mentioned some legal issues and the site was gone not long afterwards. But it was up for a good while.
Are there still sites like this? Let me look this up.
Sendshit dot co dot uk. You can send pig, donkey, cow, or horse shit. And it’s openly advertised as a prank.
Yeah, there are a lot of these sites. That’s surprising. There’s no way that this can be legal.
I’m not recommending anyone do this to Zap Cristal or to anyone else, but I was just reminded of this.
Oh, she’s also on Patreon. She has 4 (FOUR) “patrons”. $35 a month. Let the good times roll.
She’s also on Discord. Unlike SupaPixelGirl, Zap actually seems to write shit in here semi-regularly. Chatting with the handful of horntards who go there.
All of her fine links can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/c/ZapTvCristal/about
Here’s her Twitter:
https://twitter.com/CristalZap
Ha! She lists her job as “social media influencer”. She’s not influencing shit. It’s just another term for “unemployed”.
Oh my god. She has some “sexy” pictures on here. I will not link to them but…it’s just a fat middle aged housewife from Texas. “Too hot to be an influencer” indeed.
She mostly talks about video games. Sometimes she talks about Christian fundamentalist bullshit disguised as general new age philosophy. Like here:
https://twitter.com/CristalZap/status/1526938629372887040
I keep reminding myself how truly amazing it is to be ALIVE! The fact that I’m here breathing and making this tweet is sometimes what we take for granted. Living today to its fullest cause tomorrow is not promised. This goes for you too! So stay rad and game on #grateful
Uh huh. Zap Cristal LIKES being alive. Well, good for you, Zap Cristal. That’s really inspiring. We should all be grateful for the miracle of breathing and be able to tweet boring bullshit, the way God intended.
So some guy says, “It’s not like it’s bad ALL the time….but aren’t you tired of working to survive, instead of enjoying the life you have?”
He’s questioning the very basis of society. Did God really intend for us to work 40+ hours a week while some rich asshole profits from our labour? Isn’t there a better way?
Not according to guru Zap Cristal there isn’t.
You got the power to change it to however you want life to be for you. And it might sound cliché but its true. The people who are the happiest are usually who take control over their life and careers to be. There will be ups and downs but it’s what you make of it at the end.
Oh. I have the power to change. So it’s my fault that I don’t have as much money as Alan Greenspan. This is a moral failing on my part.
And do I even want as much money as Alan Greenspan? The guy who wrote that message wasn’t complaining that he wasn’t getting paid enough. He was complaining about the entire system. Why do we need to work so much? Why is there always some fat cat parasite profiting off of our labour?
But Zap’s idiotic answer was, “Go get a better job.” No, dumbass. That wasn’t the issue.
I think that it’s well established that if things were equitably distributed, we should only have to work about ten hours a week. And there’s enough food to feed everybody on earth six times over. These are statistics that I heard twenty years ago. It’s surely even more favourable now.
So why are we working 40+ hours a week? Why is somebody profiting off of our labour? Isn’t there a better way to run a society? Didn’t Jesus once say, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God”? Shouldn’t we be rising up against these evildoers?
Nope. If you don’t like your job at Walmart, just send an application to Target. Take control of your life.
Fucking fat retard.
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Erin is *Nostalgic* for Cartoons from the 2010s
https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1526818038648999936
I miss Adult Swim circa 2009ish. So comfy ending the night with something like Metalocalypse, Home Movies, Tim and Eric and American Dad. I even miss Family Guy on it. Now it’s just Rick and Morty and stuff I haven’t heard of
Now also thinking about Super Jail, Xavier Renegade Angel and Mission Hill. OH and Tom Goes to the Mayor!
Okay, great. Those are cartoons alright. Do you have any particular memories about these cartoons that you can share?
No. She’s just listing names. She’s fucking boring. And she’s never seen any of this shit. This is all made up.
I’ll have to supply my own cartoon *nostalgia*.
Metalocalypse. Never heard of it.
Oh. It was released in 2006. That explains it. I wasn’t living in the US. I was off doing shit with my life. Try it out, Erin.
Home Movies. Yes, I liked it. I don’t think I’ve seen it since it originally aired but I definitely watched it both during it’s UPN and Cartoon Network runs.
Actually, I have seen it subsequently because it wasn’t that long ago that I watched the final episode. I wanted to see how it ended. I watched this maybe six months ago.
I don’t really have anything to say but I enjoyed the show.
Oh, and I was initially interested in the show because I liked Dr Katz and Home Movies has a similar animation style. I had no idea that the other characters on the show were played by comedians. Even if it was live action, I probably wouldn’t have recognised these people.
Tim and Eric. Never heard of it.
Oh, this is another one released after I left the US. And in fact, it was several series with different names.
American Dad. Yeah, I used to watch that in the US and then I watched it in the UK too. It was on BBC3. And I think that they were fairly new episodes, which is unusual.
Like with the Simpsons, Channel 4 would show episodes but the most recent episodes they’d show would be from like three or four years ago. You had to go to Sky, which was like a cable service, if you wanted to watch new episodes. Channel 4 was free tv. And BBC3 was free tv too.
So anyway, I’d watch American Dad. And I liked it.
I also watched and enjoyed Family Guy. Same situation. It was also shown on BBC3, I think right after American Dad. Or maybe before it.
And I think that these were on every day. I could be wrong. But in the UK, they don’t really do the thing where you have a show broadcast once a week, like they do in the US. They just show a run of episodes, every day. That’s why the series have fewer episodes. But yeah, I think American Dad and Family Guy were shown every day. Mostly reruns, obviously. They showed them going back to the first season.
My girlfriend claimed to be a big Family Guy fan and I was surprised by this.
So a few months ago, she was visiting and we were watching Family Guy from some streaming site. And it was an episode with Cleveland. And she says, “Didn’t he used to have his own show?”
I couldn’t believe it. She had said numerous times in the past about what a big Family Guy fan she is. And here she is asking a question that anybody with a passing knowledge of the show would know the answer to.
So I said, “There is no way that you’ve seen this show before.” I had to call her out ala Erin. Why the fake *nostalgia*? I don’t give a fuck if she watches Family Guy or not. Just be honest about it.
So she said that she hasn’t been watching it for years but she’s seen it and she likes it. Uh huh. Couldn’t have been watching that much. There are many episodes that reference Cleveland having his own show. And he was gone for one or two seasons.
Different people must have wildly different ideas of what being a fan of something means. Maybe when Erin talks about what a big Match Game fan she is, for example, after seeing two episodes with Mike, she genuinely means it. She liked those two episodes. So now she considers herself to be a fan.
Erin played Harmful Park, once, on stream for money, and she liked it. So now. in her mind, she’s justified in saying that she’s a big Harmful Park fan.
It’s fucking idiotic and leads to great confusion but this is the way that some people think, I guess.
Rick and Morty. Never seen it but I’ve seen nerds on the internet complain about it.
Super Jail. Never heard of it.
Xavier: Renegade Angel. Never heard of it.
Mission Hill. I liked this one too and I was really sad that it only lasted one season. I must have seen every episode. I watched it just recently. The older brother was somehow identifiable to me at the time.
Tom Goes to the Mayor. This is just one of the Tim & Eric shows. Erin doesn’t know any of this because she doesn’t watch this shit. It’s all made up. Maybe she saw one episode and now she’s a big fan.
I was showing my girlfriend some cartoons that I enjoyed in my youth or young adulthood. Aeon Flux. She just said, “Why is she dressed like that?” It’s true, that is the only appeal of the show.
Boondocks was another one. I’ve only seen a few episodes but I was trying to think of more “urban” shows that she might enjoy. She didn’t think it was anything great and couldn’t understand why the Uncle Ruckus character was using racist language against the protagonists, in spite of him being black himself. I had to explain that that’s the joke. He doesn’t consider himself to be black.
Then she showed me some cartoon about a horse who lives in Los Angeles and works as an advertising executive or something. I’ve never seen it before.
Oh. Bojack Horseman. Yeah, I didn’t like it. I’m not interested in shows that feature the lives of wealthy Hollywood Jews, even if they’re disguised as cartoon horses.
Let’s see…edgy cartoons that I enjoyed…I can’t really think of any others. I liked King of the Hill. You can add that to the list. But I can’t think of any obscure ones to impress everyone with.
Somewhat on topic, Mike was talking about his fondness for The Munsters recently. It’s somewhere in this six hour stream. The first hour, probably.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9z0LLiAMBY
And he’s talking about a proposed Munsters movie. He’s outraged by this. “You can’t replace Al Lewis as Grandpa”.
He’s a big Munsters fan, guys. He totally forgot about The Munsters Today. It ran from 1988 to 1991. There were 73 episodes.
I used to watch this. Didn’t Mike? He’s such a big Munsters fan, after all. I mean, yeah, the show was terrible but he was a kid. Surely he would have found some enjoyment from the show.
And who played Grandpa Munster? None other than the late Howard Morton. Bumbling police officer Ralph Waldo Simpson from Gimme A Break.
So there’s already been a replacement Grandpa Munster. Also, Herman on that show was played by some guy who played a Klingon in a few Star Trek movies and tv episodes. So Mike should enjoy that.
I watched the pilot just recently. It’s not good. It’s not funny, of course. The writing is bad. But it’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s a decent homage to the original show. And it was only made 20 years after the original Munsters ended. For comparison purposes, this reboot was made 35 years ago. Nearly twice as much time has elapsed.
People in the Youtube comments for that pilot episode said, “Why didn’t they just get the original cast back? They were still alive.” Yeah, they were alive but way too old. You’re going to have a 30 year Butch Patrick coming home from school in his little shorts? A milf Marian? Elderly Herman and Lily? Al Lewis was about the same age as Fred Gwynne and Yvonne De Carlo so it wouldn’t much matter that he was elderly but still. Time moved on.
And there was that Munsters tv movie that was an attempted backdoor pilot. That had the original cast in it. What year was this…1981. The Munsters’ Revenge. I saw that. It sucked ass. It got poor reviews and poor ratings so a new series never got made.
Wow. I’m just looking at Wikipedia and there was also Here Come the Munsters in 1995. Oh, I remember this. Just looking at the description. There was a cameo from the starring actors from the original Munsters, except for Fred Gwynne who had died a few years before.
So there’s another example of somebody else playing Grandpa Munster. Robert Morse. Oh, he just died last month.
And in 1996, there was The Munsters’ Scary Little Christmas. I don’t remember this. But again, a whole new cast, including a new Grandpa Munster. Sandy Baron this time.
So plenty of other people have taken up the Grandpa Munster mantle. Four, in fact. Five if you want to include the 1973 cartoon The Mini Munsters. And they’ve all done a damn fine job of it. This takes nothing away from Al Lewis’ performance in the role.
Anyway, The Mini Munsters is probably Mike’s favourite cartoon. He remembers watching it as a kid. That’s his era. He’d just watch all of the 1973 cartoons when he was a kid in 1986. He was riding the *nostalgia* train before it was a cool. Even as an INFANT he was into *nostalgia*. *Nostalgia* from before he was born.
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Thinking 4th Dimensionally at Bronson Cave – Cinemassacre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA6_my28pj4
I have no idea what this video will be about. Is that good or bad? Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised.
0:00 – Oh. Both Gremlins and Back to the Future filmed scenes on the same street. I hate both of those movies. But let’s check it out. Maybe it will be interesting.
0:45 – “But first, a word from this video’s sponsor.”
Please be Keeps. Or what about BlueChew? I want to hear James talk about his erectile dysfunction.
“Ever have trouble falling asleep after a long day of gaming?”
Ummm…no. Does anyone?
People have trouble falling asleep because of stress. Playing games is not stressful. What a bizarre thing to say.
“I know I have.”
You have? This is preposterous. First of all, Jimmy does not play video games. But secondly, the premise makes no sense. NOBODY is lying awake at night thinking about video games.
Then it turns out that this was all a “comedy” skit. The real sponsor is some shitty mobile game. What was the point of any of this? Do those 45 seconds count towards the ad time? Because if I was the person paying for this advertisement, I’d be really pissed off that the first half of the ad was off-topic nonsense.
Let’s get back to sleeping for a moment. When I was in my early 20s, I had a problem with insomnia. I’d lay awake at night and there’s the whole, “If I fall asleep within the next ten minutes, I’ll still get four hours of sleep” thing. And you stay up most of the night.
Here’s what cured me: getting a job. I worked nights and then I’d come home completely exhausted and fall asleep as soon as I hit the bed. Try it out, Jimmy. There are jobs out there. This Youtube thing is not going to last much longer.
2:30 – So now Jimmy is at Bronson Cave. I don’t know what we’re supposed to get from this. What’s Bronson Cave? There was a brief shot of an episode of the original Star Trek series where Kirk fought that Gorn so I guess it’s from that. And presumably other stuff. But…I don’t really care. Well, I’ll give it a chance.
The cave is closed. So Jimmy points to a sign indicating that it’s closed due to falling rocks. Then he says, “As disappointing as this is that we can’t go in, it would be even worse if a rock would fall on us.”
What the fuck is this? How big of a pussy can Jimmy possibly be? He’s afraid of rocks falling on him? What are the fucking odds of that happening?
This is somebody who stayed in his home for three years because he was petrified of covid.
Now he’s afraid that a rock is going to come crashing down and land directly on his head.
I know that there’s the sign. I know that caves have falling debris. But it’s a one in a trillion chance that any rocks would fall on him.
Jimmy doesn’t want to take that chance. One in a trillion is still one in a trillion.
Then there’s footage of a landslide. I don’t think that that’s going to happen in a cave, Jimmy. God, this guy is the biggest fucking coward on earth.
Then there’s footage of a bunch of movies and tv shows that allegedly were filmed at or near this cave. A lot of this footage doesn’t even show the cave. It could be anywhere.
4:15 – I’m just looking at this fence in front of the cave. Is it affixed to anything or is it just propped up against the entrance? Why doesn’t he just fucking move it and take a quick peek inside? He came all of this way for this. He travelled across the country. From rural Pennsylvania to Hollywood, California. Like a modern day Jed Clampett. Why doesn’t he just go in?
Rocks are not going to fall on you. A SWAT team is not going to assemble. Just go in, you fucking retard.
4:30 – So now we’re four minutes in and Jimmy says that he’s going to combine all of the movies and tv shows that were filmed here and…”think fourth dimensionally”. Whatever this means.
7:30 – Jimmy talks about how the cave is depicted as being huge in the movies, “But in real life, you can get through it in a matter of seconds.”
Not that Jimmy would know. He’s too busy pissing his pants in front of the flimsy chain link fence barely protecting the entrance.
Let me look this up. Surely, people have been in there recently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA6_my28pj4
Here’s a video from a year ago.
2:15 – There’s a fence but this guy gives a much better view of the cave than James has shown thus far. It’s really short. This guy also mentions that it’s a man-made cave, which is information that James didn’t give.
2:30 – Here’s a different view, I guess of the other side of the cave. You can see the fence. It’s a short fence and you can easily jump over it. There’s plenty of space on the other side to land. It’s a five or six foot fence. No barbed wire or anything.
Why didn’t Jimmy just hop the fucking fence? Absolute cowardice. He was afraid of falling rocks. How does he even leave his home? Something can fall on him at any time. A meteor, for example. Doesn’t that fill him with terror?
Back to Jimmy’s video. Yeah, at 8:00 he shows the other entrances to this cave. And you can just fucking hop those fences in two seconds.
All he’s doing is listing movies that took place at or near this cave. I’m already bored.
Then he does some weird bullshit where he says something like, “If we combined every character from every movie who ever used this cave, some real hijinks would go on.”
It’s stupid. This is all stupid. This is just Jimmy shoehorning his weird time travel autistic obsession into the video. It doesn’t even fit.
10:00 – Jimmy claims that it’s taken him weeks to match up various movies to particular entrances. Not a good use of his time, if true.
All he’s doing is showing clips that Kieran probably assembled. What’s the point of Jimmy actually having gone to this place? He doesn’t show the cave. He’s too afraid of falling rocks. So what’s the fucking point? Just show the clips. We don’t need to see you cowering in front of a fence.
17:30 – Jimmy has been talking about this stupid time travel bullshit for a good three minutes now and now he’s really getting into it. It’s idiotic. It doesn’t even make sense.
18:00 – There’s a long list of movies and tv shows that are credited for clips that were used. I wonder if Kieran will get credit for this video.
No. It just ends. So it’s implied that this was all James. It’s a complete fucking lie.
So how to sum this up. The video was inoffensive but it was pointless. And boring. And the time travel shit didn’t make any sense.
Adam the Woo used to make similar videos. He’d go to a place where a movie was shot and he’d compare a particular scene with how that place looks now. He’d marry up the film footage with modern day footage.
This was interesting. I would watch the fucking video. I’d be entertained.
But the difference is that Adam WAS ACTUALLY THERE. He wasn’t cowering in front a chain link fence.