Gamer Girls

God bless you if you’re jerking off to this thumbnail. You just made Pelvic Gamer’s whole week. She’s sitting in her mother’s home saying, “Please, somebody just jerk off to my thumbnail. I’ve even showing whatever cleavage I have in this one. Come on, guys. Why aren’t I getting any views?”

Well, your content is boring. There’s that.

So then she just reviews the game. I can’t. I made it two minutes in. She gives proper reviews. Talks about the game. What she likes. What she doesn’t like. “Fun factor”. Whatever. But it’s boring as fuck. I’m not interested in RPGs so I guess that’s a factor. I’m not sure that I’m the target audience.

I was thinking about AOL recently. How I tried to cancel my AOL account back in…it must have been 2003 or so.

So I’m on the phone and I tell them that I want to cancel my account. I tell them why. I don’t remember the reason. I just found another internet service provider or something. I might have only been using AOL because I recently moved and I wanted to get setup quickly. I had the AOL cds.

Then they transfer me to somebody else. And this guy was absolutely adamant that I need to change my phone…whatever it is….like AT&T or whatever. The people who operate your phone.

I told the guy that I’m not interested and I’m not going to tell him who my phone operator is. He was completely baffled by this. “Why are you afraid to tell me who your phone operator is?” Because it’s irrelevant. I’m here to cancel AOL. That’s it. You don’t need to know who my phone operator is.

I asked this guy repeatedly, “Do I need to do this?” as in do I need to have this conversation with you? And he didn’t answer. Because I was never told that my AOL was cancelled. That’s the only reason I was talking to this guy is because I wanted the AOL cancelled.

As it turns out, I didn’t have to talk to this guy. That’s why he kept not answering the question. This guy was nothing to do with AOL. The first guy I spoke to cancelled my AOL and then sent me to this asshole to try to get me to change phone providers.

So I finally told the guy that AT&T is my phone provider. And he said that his company offers lower rates. I said that I don’t care. I’m not interested in changing providers. He couldn’t seem to understand this.

I’ve never in my life been spoken to by such an aggressive salesman. Does he think that I’m just going to be badgered into changing phone providers? “Okay, I’ll change providers. Just please stop berating me.”

The only reason why people didn’t immediately put the phone down on these assholes is because AOL intentionally made it seem like you had to speak to them in order to cancel your AOL. And these assholes knew that and that’s why they refused to end the phone call.

I tried to cancel my ISP in the UK as well. Numerous times. Different ISPs. Always a hassle. One place offered me free internet for a year. I said no. The woman was incredulous. “Free internet for a year and you’d still like to cancel?” Yes. Of course. That’s why I called. So she cancelled it.

I told my girlfriend about it and she was completely bamboozled by my decision as well.

I’m not motivated by money. I’m not interested in your service so fucking cancel it. You can throw in unlimited buttsex with your hottest employee and I’m still not interested.

There was another one where I signed up with some ISP that requires you to relinquish control of your bank account so that they can take as much money as they want out of it. Similar to a Direct Debit, which I never use, but even worse.

So I said fuck you. I’m not doing that. Nowhere in the signup process did they say any of this, by the way.

So I cancelled right away. They said, “Well, you still have six months on your contract. We’ll have to charge you for that.” Okay, we’ll see about that.

I made a complaint some “ombudsman”. This is an independent organisation that’s allowed to facilitate disputes between consumers and…various companies. They have them for banks, energy companies, or in this case ISPs. These ombsusmen typically give absolute pitances. You’ll get £50 for whatever the complaint is, no matter how serious.

So I wrote my case out and sent it to the ombudsman. I said that they have this completely deplorable payment system that they force you to use and this is a payment system that’s only used by such disreputable services as shady gym memberships. So I told them that I want to be released from my contract without penalty.

The ISP sent me a settlement offer of £200 and they said that they’d cancel my contract with no penalty. So fine, I’ll take it. It’s better than the £50 that I would have gotten.

God, I’ve made so many complaints to the ombudsman over the years. I probably made £1000 just from that shit. I’ve never lost a case. Almost all of my complaints were to the energy ombudsman. Because the energy companies are unbelieveably incompetent. There’s always something that you can complain about because they never seem to get anything right. So it’s an easy £50 every time.

One time, I even made a complain ABOUT the ombudsman and I got money for that. I had a complaint about my energy company and was successful. I got my £50 or whatever but part of the judgement was that this company had to show proof that they cancelled their debt collection. My complaint was about them sending my bill to collections when in fact there was no such bill ever sent to me.

They didn’t send this proof. So I sent a message to the ombudsman stating that they need to follow this up. In this message, I made a remark about how the energy companies behave this way because the ombudsman routinely awards risible £50 judgements against these companies.

So the guy responds, “I’m sorry to hear that you’re unhappy with the ombudsman. It’s your responsibility to follow this up.”

I don’t think so. So I made a complaint about that guy to the ombudsman and they acknowledged that that guy should have followed up, that it wasn’t my responsibility, that he’ll be re-trained, apologised, and offered £100 in compensation. Okay, I’ll take it.

It’s basically a bank for free £50 notes. If you want to take the time to prepare your “case”, which takes, whatever, an hour or so, you’ll get £50.

Speaking of banks, some woman at a bank was a bitch to me. I got for £50 for that. That was me complaining directly to the bank, though. I didn’t see a need to escalate that to the ombudsman.

Oh, and letting agents. I probably got £5,000 from complaints about letting agents over the years. It’s glorious. But that’s a whole other thing.

Where was I going with this? Oh, Pelvic Gamer. Yeah, keep up the good work. I’m going to jerk off to your thumbnail now.