Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66BQwQO13j4

Interesting top.  Generally speaking, you can’t accuse Erin of dressing sexy to get views.  She wears some of the least sexy stuff possible.  The fact that people are still jerking off to this shit just shows how incredibly low the bar is.  These losers will jack off even to somebody who puts absolutely no effort into her appearance.  

0:00 – Starts off with horrible gameplay.  She’s unable to kill the first enemy that she encounters, gets hit a number of times, and then just gives up.

I’m two minutes in.  This is awful.  Erin doesn’t have any clue what she’s doing.  She keeps asking that chat basic questions about how to equip shit.

5:30 – “What was your comment about pudding, Shishi?  I can’t answer everyone’s comments.  I’m barely getting through memorising where the hell to go right now.”

Erin better check that attitude.  Shishi is her number one fan.  

7:15 – Erin has been sniffling for the past couple of minutes and now she wipes her nose with her hand.  I’m just waiting for her to inhale a tissue.  That might be my favourite thing that Erin does.  It just seems so bizarre to me.  First of all that she cleans her nose by stuffing an entire tissue up her nostrils but secondly that she does this on stream, for money.  Why wouldn’t she at least turn around and do this?  Or walk off screen for a second?

7:45 – “A lot of you know but if you’re new, I’m like really into the linear Castlevanias so this is a little out of my comfort zone so I’m a little slow when it comes to, you know, like equipping and all of that.”

Yeah.  You’re a big Castlevania fan, Erin.  You first played a Castlevania game three years ago.  On stream, for money.  And you’ve never played a Castlevania game for even one second in your spare time.

It’s her favourite game.

8:30 – She found a melon in the game and she compares this to “wall meat” in previous games.  Erin says, “Somebody was trying to watch his cholesterol, so he’s, you know, he’s trying to cut back on the red meat and instead there’s wall melon.”

Hey guys!  Do you like female comedy?  Of course!  Who doesn’t?  And nobody is better at it than Erin.

10:30 – “Thank you so much for gifting a sub to Shishi.”

Why?  Shishi is going to sub anyway.  I don’t understand how this gift subbing works.  I think it’s just a way to give the streamer money.  Same with subscribing.  I know that you also get “emotes” or whatever but who gives a fuck about that?

I need to start a Patreon.  But the problem is two-fold.  First, who would pay?  I wouldn’t.  And secondly, what “content” would I provide?

I have downloaded escort websites of Madam Fomo and reviews of her terrible services.  So I could maybe get two posts out of that.  But then what?  I have a bunch of articles that Madam Fomo got taken down.  I could upload those.  But who’s going to pay for old articles?  

I suppose that is the business model for like podcasts and whatnot, though.  The new stuff is free and then they move everything to the pay site.

What are some subscription-based blogs that are successful?  Let me look this up.  I read that some right-wing politician or something had a subscription-based blog.  I suppose that that’s a niche to tap into.  

Oh yeah.  Here’s one.  I won’t link to it but it’s some douchebag who gives “business coaching” advice.  How to set up shitty home-based businesses.  Drop shipping and e-books and paid blogs and whatnot.  

I don’t really have expertise there but I could write articles about moving and living abroad.  Tips and tricks and whatnot.  I think that this would be valuable advice worth paying for but how I do I turn fans of gamer grrl content into people who want to start a new life abroad?  

12:45 – She gets a heart pendant and then doesn’t know if she should equip it or not.  It tells you.  It shows the fucking stats.  Your luck goes up by 1 point with the heart pendant.  What does luck do?  I have no fucking idea.  Check the manual.  Check Gamefaqs.  Play the game in your fucking spare time.

13:15 – “I don’t totally understand the accessories.”

Because you don’t play video games, Erin.  This is really basic stuff.  Look at the fucking stats.  See what changes when you equip different items.

14:00 – “What’s my favourite alcohol?  I don’t drink a lot but I just like beer.”

Good chat, Erin.  Really interesting stuff.

16:15 – “Oh gym clothes.  Great.  For active leisure.”

These are the jokes.  Erin think that this stuff is funny.

17:00 – Veiled shout out to her carpal tunnel.

I’m at 21 minutes.  That’s enough.  This is just boring.  Let me skip around.

37:00 – The horntards encourage her to equip the katana.  Erin grudgingly does so.  She doesn’t realise that the katana does more damage because she’s an idiot and doesn’t play video games.  Then she finds the attack animation to be cute and mimics the movement.  She thinks that this is funny.  This is her idea of comedy.

1:08:00 – “Look at that painting.  Do you think that’s a Bob Ross?”

Please.  Erin.  I’m in stitches here.  Have some compassion.  I can’t endure your hilarious female comedy any longer.

1:14:00 – “All right.  Shit.  So I have no idea what to do right now.”

I’m just picking spots in the video at random.  She says things like this CONSTANTLY.  She’s always lost and never knows what she’s doing.  Why would anybody want to watch this?

I’m almost at the end.  Is she going to end the video by talking about her hands?  I’ll play the odds and say yes.

She’s so fucking bad at this game.  Even hours into it.  She just stands still, mashes the attack button, and hopes that the enemy walks into her.

Oh no.  She edited something out right at the end.  And she was clasping her hands together.  I’ll have to check the original stream.  I suspect that she was talking about our friend carpal tunnel syndrome.

I WAS RIGHT!

“I really don’t want to stop but I have to be careful about my hands.  I just…I’m scared because I’ve been playing for almost three hours but I don’t know.  Or maybe I will just, like, stretch for a minute.  I’ll stretch for a minute.  I don’t know.  I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to push it and then be like totally screwed.  No.  I have film something later so no.  Okay.”

Horntard Wolfmaster says, “Don’t push it.”

How crazy is it that she’s now editing out references to carpal tunnel syndrome?  Who cares?  She’s doing this to try to thwart my journalistic efforts.  She doesn’t like that I’m exposing her lies about carpal tunnel syndrome to dozens of people.  

Fucking nobody cares.  But she thinks that she’s a big celebrity.  

Oh, here’s a weird comment from the chat.  Etank222 says, “Erin’s gonna b back tonight to stream Zer0ranger on her arcade stick for me for my birthday”

Really?  It’s not on Twitch.  Is Erin doing custom videos for people like a camgirl?  But instead of doing a vibrator show she’s playing a video game of your choice using the hardware of your choice?  

That is completely insane.  That’s what the guy said.  He’s boasting about this.  He’s paying for a private show for his birthday.  And Erin did say that she has to film something later on.  Is that what she’s referring to?  

I think that it is.  Erin is doing private shows now.  How long has this been going on?  How much is a private show?  Why on earth would anybody pay for this?  

But it really does drive home the reality that people are jerking off to this.  Why else would anybody pay for a private show?  

I wonder if you can choose the outfit too.  How much extra for an appearance by Elmo?  

I’m trying to think what video I’d like to see.  I don’t know.  None of this is remotely erotic to me.  I guess the Hamburglar top, if we can choose outfits.  And then what game?  Oh, King of Fighters.  Any of the later ones where Mai Shiranui’s boobs bounce.  Let’s say King of Fighters 1998.  And I want her to use the biggest Neo Geo arcade stick that she has.  You know what I mean?  I want to see her work that big stick.  Oh my god.  I need to change my underpants just thinking about it.  HUGS!