This is Pam’s new podcast with her lesbian friend. They’re both lesbians. Pam has been on this woman’s podcast before where they talk about wine. I believe, according to the comments, that this podcast no longer exists. That’s a shame. Watching women with no charisma talking about alcohol had limited appeal? Who could have guessed?
0:00
Petee: Okay.
Pam: Alright.
Petee: Here we are.
Pam: Here we are.
Petee: (nervous laughter) What are we doing? What is this? What’s going on?
Pam: That’s a good question.
(long, awkward pause)
Petee: Yep.
Negative charisma from Pam. She could not be entertaining to save her fucking life. And this is how they start the fucking podcast. Couldn’t they just edit this out? Or start over? Why did they leave it like this?
By the way, this video has been up for about three weeks and it has 1800 views. This is not going to be a success.
Why aren’t women supporting this? Because women, much like men, tend not to want to watch utter trash.
0:30 – Pam explains that they’re combining Petee’s old podcast with Pam’s old podcast. So poop on top of shit.
And what podcast is Pam even talking about? Harpy Maidens? That thing ended at least five years ago.
0:45 – “I’m excited because it’s the best of both worlds because who doesn’t want to drink and just talk about all of the things that we’ve been watching?”
Would you like a list of names? Or can we just say “everybody on earth” and leave it at that?
And is that even what this is about? I thought that this was about alcohol and video games. But now it’s…what they’ve been watching? “What’cha Watching”?
Oh my god. I just realised that they’ve ripped off The Cinemassacre Podcast. There were three main topics that The Cinemassacre Podcast was supposed to cover: “What’cha Drinking”, “What’cha Watching”, and “What’cha Playing.”
This is shameful. Is Justin Silverman going to get any kind of credit for this? Is he secretly producing this? This is fucking Newt Wallen levels of plagiarism. They’ve ripped off THE ENTIRE CONCEPT of The Cinemassacre Podcast.
Also, they’ve ripped off fucking James Rolfe’s negative charisma. And the horrendous intro.
Pam is also autistic, like James Rolfe. As proof, her latest Youtube video is a ranking video and she ranked like fifty games, all alphabetically, and then she time-stamped everything in the description.
If you’re going to rip off a podcast, why would you choose to rip off a podcast that failed spectacularly? Maybe rip off a GOOD podcast.
I can’t wait until Pam starts reading about the lost city of Atlantis. Maybe she’s going to start a band next. Oh my god. She kind of did. She was in that cringe music video, along with her lesbian girlfriend here.
Well, let’s continue with the video. It’s over an hour long and I’m not even one minute in. I just know that I’m going to watch every second of this.
1:00 – Petee says that they’re going to record every couple of weeks. So they’ve ripped that off from The Cinemassacre Podcast too. Recording this shit in bulk.
2:30 – Petee said “lie-berry” for “library”. Come on. This is ridiculous.
Wait a minute. So now they’re ripping off James Rolfe’s special education speech impediments.
3:00 – “Let’s get into what we’re drinking tonight.”
Oh. One might say, “What’cha Drinking”?
Here’s Petee’s Twitter, by the way.
She has 169 followers. She’s been doing her terrible podcast FOR YEARS. She’s managed to amass 169 followers.
So Pam starts critiquing the bottle. She likes the writing on the bottle. Also, “the cork looks amazing.”
Oh my god. This could not be more boring if they tried. Can we get Pam’s childhood friend to make a guest appearance? It might liven things up a bit.
6:00 – Extended discussion about what this shit smells like. Fuck. This is terrible.
7:45 – Pam has her own tonic and slice of lemon ready to go. What kind of a fucking alcoholic slices lemons to put in their drinks?
I have to skip to the next chapter. This is brutal. UNWATCHABLE, LADIES. Do something else with your time.
Fortunately, Pam time-stamped everything.
11:30 – So now it’s “What’cha Watching.” Pam says that she’s been watching a lot of Park Chan-wook films recently. Oh, do tell.
This is so woke that I’m saying that it crosses into racism territory. Petee is Asian of some description. She’s mixed race or from the Philippines or something. So Pam decides that she’s going to watch some films by Asian directors to show how culturally sensitive she is.
No. It’s racist. Petee surely enjoys films by a wide variety of directors. She’s not just sitting at home watching Asian films. She’s a fucking Canadian woman, I assume.
13:00 – Then she watched The Handmaiden, another Asian movie. Come on. This is offensive.
And Petee hasn’t even fucking seen any of this shit. It’s just Pam summarising the movies. Now she’s ripping off Tony from Hack the Movies.
13:45 – Old Boy. Yet another Asian movie.
Imagine you meet an Asian person. At a job, let’s say. It’s a co-worker. And it’s an Asian person but they were born in the US or Canada or the UK or whatever Western country you might be in.
And you say, “Hey, I really like that Chinese food. They do good food. I like the kung pao chicken. And what about Bruce Lee? He’s made some good movies. I liked him in The Big Boss. You ever see that? And what about K-pop? That’s pretty popular now. I’m really digging that Gangnam Style. Oh, and anime. I love anime. What’s your favourite anime?”
You’d be fired before the day is over. Racist behaviour.
This is exactly what Pam is doing.
18:00 – Now it’s Petee’s turn. Pam’s movies were all Asian. So…is Petee going to choose all films made by boring white Canadian women who fuck their dogs?
It’s just some boring shit. Let me skip ahead.
25:00 – Now we’re back to what movies Pam has seen recently. Leonor Will Never Die. It’s a Filipino movie. Petee shakes a bit when Pam says “Filipino”.
This is awkward as fuck. Pam. Are you fucking retarded? You can talk about normal, Western films with this woman. Didn’t you hear what she’s been watching? It was basic bullshit. A science fiction series on Netflix. The Blair Witch Project. What’s your fucking problem?
28:00 – Petee says, “I’m not super into anime”. She has to preface this because she’s going to be talking about Akira. She doesn’t want Pam to get the wrong idea about her. Yes, she’s Asian but that doesn’t mean that she likes anime. Don’t assume these things, Pam. It’s offensive. Don’t you get it?
30:30 – Petee says, “But you also watched an anime, I see.” And Pam says, “I did.”
This is unbelievable. And it seems like Pam doesn’t even like anime. She just watched this for the purposes of the podcast. It’s Grave of the Fireflies, by the way. I don’t know it because I don’t watch this shit.
But Pam chose YET ANOTHER Asian movie. This Petee woman is uncomfortable as fuck over this. She knows what this is. Pam is trying to get into this woman’s pants with this woefully misguided, racist bullshit.
I’m skipping ahead. Petee talks about some other white bread show that she enjoys. Oh. The show is about vampires. So she’s doing the same thing that Pam was doing to her but…I don’t know. Is this vampirism? I mean, Pam isn’t a real vampire.
35:45 – “Let’s talk about video games.”
Uh huh. Do you mean, “What’cha Playing”? God. Justin Silverman must be sitting at home seething over this. This is the biggest plagiarism scandal since Newt Wallen.
So what are Pam’s choices going to be? Romance of the Three Kingdoms? Some lesbian dating simulator, where you can have sex with anime girls, that was only released in Japan? And she learned Japanese just to play the game?
Oh. Return to Monkey Island. Hello, boring as fuck Pam.
Which do I prefer? Racist Pam or Boring as Fuck Pam?
Let’s just skip ahead.
57:45 – Pick Ups. God. Who cares? Who cares what these people bought? Why does Pam think that we want to know this?
1:02:30 – “So how do we feel about our first episode? Feel good?”
What a way to end the podcast. Well, it’s not quite over. They have been drinking a lot. I’m hoping that Pam says, “I have to go piss.”
1:03:00 – “If you like this, check out some more, future episodes.”
Oh god. Where to even begin with this? Let’s just move on.
Oh. No, it just ended awkwardly.
So…that was…that was Pam and her lesbian girlfriend’s new podcast. If you miss The Cinemassacre Podcast, maybe check it out. Petee has no charisma and Pam has negative charisma.
What they need is Justin Silverman and/or Kieran in there to mix things up. Bring some energy.
Maybe Justin could try to arrange for a real buffalo to take a shit on Pam’s face. Now that’s something I’d like to see. Or failing that, maybe Justin himself can take a shit on Pam’s face.
You’re doing a bang up job here.