He starts by begging you to go to his Patreon. To entice you, he promises videos of NES porn games. “Too hot for Youtube!”
What? We’re supposed to be jerking off to Chris BORES now? It’s a hard pass from me.
0:15 – “Ah yes, the world of Pupeye.”
Get used to this. He can’t pronounce “Popeye”. It’s going to make for very uncomfortable viewing for a video about Popeye.
Popeye has nephews named Papeye, Pepeye, Pipeye, and Pupeye, I believe. Do you suppose he pronounces “Pupeye” as “Popeye”?
0:30 – He says that Pupeye is one of the first NES games that he had and played it “Pretty much since I puked.” Whatever that means.
He sings the “I’m Popeye the Sailor Man, I live in a garbage can” song. But only that much. He says that he heard the song in the first grade.
That’s probably my experience as well. But what’s the next set of lyrics? Because my understanding is it continues, “I poop in my pants like Veronica Gants”, which can’t possibly be right. I think that I just made it up, as a kid. I don’t even know who Veronica Gants is. I think it’s some Judy Blume character.
I’m not seeing it but there is a Veronica Ganz young adult book.
https://www.amazon.com/Veronica-Puffin-Novel-Marilyn-Sachs/dp/0140370781
But that was published in 1995. There’s no way that I was making up lyrics to this song in high school.
There’s no Veronica Gants or Veronica Gantz. And I don’t think Judy Blume wrote for any character called Veronica.
So I don’t know. I just totally made it up then. What are the actual lyrics then?
“I turned up the heater And blew up my wiener” seems to be a popular one. There is no way that I heard that. It definitely involved pooping in your pants.
I don’t know. It’s perhaps unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
I went to a playground once with my friend and there were some rowdy girls who we knew from school riding some like four-way see saw type thing and singing a song about Ronald McDonald beating his balls with a monkey wrench. The wrench got hot and his balls fell off. At least, that’s how I remember it. But we were kind of intimidated by these girls and their aggressive song so even though we knew them, we just left the park.
How old must we have been? Fifth grade? Sixth grade?
What other schoolyard classics? Oh, the diarrhoea song. For some reason, I think that they stole it from Stand By Me, a movie which I don’t think that I’ve seen. This one I remember distinctly because it had a baseball theme.
“When you’re sliding into first and your pants begin to burst/When you’re sliding into second and you can’t wait another second/When you’re sliding into third and you feel a little turd/When you”re sliding into home and your pants begin to foam.”
Now, obviously, the “second” rhyming with “second” is the weakest one but the foaming pants is a close second. If you’re excreting foaming stuff, maybe see a doctor.
Here’s something that was definitely stolen from Stand By Me from the unimaginative retards from my school. Saying “boom bada boom” in reference to fat kids.
Why can’t people make up their own shit? It’s so fucking pathetic to steal shit from movies. You should be embrarassed. Even 40 years later, you should be embarrassed.
Anyway, back to fucking Chris BORES. I’m surprised that he’s even able to release videos given that his computers are all haunted.
2:00 – Chris BORES refers to a singing Olive Oyl as “Taylor Swift.” Oh, what a timely reference that is.
3:45 – Shout out to the Pupeye movie. What a piece of shit that was. I saw it in school. One of the few movies I remember seeing in school. I’m sure that we saw plenty but this was so bad that it was memorable. We saw it in some health class or something. I remember the teacher. It was a fairly young woman. “Here’s what the young people like…that awful Popeye movie starring Robin Williams.”
6:45 – The video ends with some bizarre song over the credits. “Butterfly in the sky/I can go twice as high” and all the while, you see, “Written by Chris Bores, Directed by Chris Bores, Starring Chris Bores, Help by Chris Bores” and so on. What the fuck is this?
Oh. Reading Rainbow. That PBS show for children that I was WAY too old to watch. I was probably in my 20s when it was on. But Chris BORES, who I think is my age, was watching this?
Then at the very end he shills for Patreon again. Chris, I’m not giving you any fucking money so that you can blow it on ghost prostitutes. Fuck off.
When was Reading Rainbow actually on? Maybe I’m way off.
1983 to 2006. I definitely never watched it.
So that’s Pupeye for the NES. At least there weren’t any poop or homosexual references this time around. He’ll never top “boner biting dogs” for a pure insight into his fantasies.