Grr. He’s angry! Or irate.
Less than seven minutes long and it’s “part 1”. I think that this is going to be like his AWFUL Jurassic Park trilogy where he “reviewed” six games in four minutes.
I feel like I’m the only person who knows about this shit. Who else remembers these awful Jurassic Park videos that Chris BORES made? It’s got to be nobody.
He starts the video by urging you to sign up to his Patreon. Uh huh. I’ll get right on that, Chris BORES.
He releases the videos there first. I don’t really get the appeal. Who cares? Who cares that you can watch the video two weeks before the general public? I’ll wait. I don’t have a problem waiting. I don’t care if you ever release anything ever again.
0:45 – He says that he was unable to review this game FOR YEARS because he couldn’t figure out how to start the game. This does not bode well.
Then there’s footage of him allegedly from 2007, 2010, and some other years trying to play the game. Eugh. This is dumb filler material that could have all been edited out.
2:15 – “This guy easily bends me over without breaking a sweat and fucks the life from me ten ways from Sunday.”
Why does he always include so much homosexual material in the videos? We get it, Chris. You’re gay. Do you have to include this shit in the video? It’s totally inappropriate.
Start a channel called the Gay Gamer and do this shit. Or just The Gaymer. These names have to be taken already. Let me look.
Well, Gaymer seems to be taken but “GayGamer” seems free. Or maybe they banned the name.
3:15 – Repeated footage of Chris BORES trying and failing to get ET out of the hole because he’s a fucking idiot and not playing the game properly.
“You long-necked dipshit.”
Uh huh. There’s something gay in that, I’m sure.
Oh, by the way, Chris BORES also repeatedly suggests that the character in this Indiana Jones game is raping the title character. Funny stuff. Rape. Get it?
3:45 – “Fuck muffins.”
Uh huh. That thing.
4:00 – “Rapey McRaperson.”
Uh huh. Nothing funnier than sexual assault.
4:30 – Bad acting of Chris BORES in his stupid Indiana Jones outfit being “irate”.
He can’t figure out how to play the game. So he looks up a playthrough on the internet. But…then he still can’t figure it out. So he just abruptly ends the video.
Good job, Chris BORES. Could have used more homosexual rape references. Just come out of the closet, you fucking faggot.
- “Huh…was kind of expecting you to actually finish the Atari version.”
Well. no shit. Who wouldn’t? But that would have required effort.
He can’t finish an ATARI game. And this game takes like five minutes to complete. Let me look this up.
Yeah, there’s a speed run at seven minutes. The game is awful, of course. Just cryptic bullshit.
I’m seeing some obscure references to Chris BORES moving abroad in the comments and on Reddit, possibly over some legal issues. Is this true?
I don’t think so. His Twitter is just full of him ranting against people stealing his “ghost hunting” revelations and then this creepy as fuck post where he’s taking pictures of teenagers at Disney World.
And here’s Chris BORES saying that a ghost got angry with him in Disney World because he didn’t pray for the ghost:
Chris BORES is a Jesus nut. Does the ghost stuff jive with Christianity? Maybe? I mean, the Holy Spirit used to be called the Holy Ghost before they wanted to stop scaring children with that shit.
You really don’t hear much about the Holy Spirit. But he’s part of the fucking Holy Trinity. You have God, we know all about him. There’s Jesus, also well-known. And then the Holy Spirit. Name one fact about the Holy Spirit.
Is this thing even mentioned in the bible? Let me check Wikipedia.
I’m none the wiser after reading that. Something about a brief mention of “licking flames” or something in the bible allegedly supposed to be the Holy Spirit. Well, how does that help me? What the fuck does the Holy Spirit want from me, if anything? How can I appease it?
Maybe Chris BORES can turn his ghost hunting on the Holy Spirit. Maybe with the help of some depressed teenage goths at Disney World.