Gamer Girls

John Riggs attending one of the 120 nerd conventions that he goes to annually. Is he going to creep on the ladies? Is he going to eat? Let’s find out.

0:00 – So it starts with some weird…thing. A couple of women in rainbow tops looking at a wall that has pictures of people on it. I don’t know. Nothing is explained.

0:45 – Now we’re in some kind of control room and it’s manned by a couple of guys who each weigh…oh…I’d say at least 500 pounds. It looks like a hotel room. I don’t know what any of this is. No explanation is given.

I think what this is is a nerd convention that takes place in a hotel. But not in a lobby or some kind of conference hall. This takes place in the rooms of the hotel. So people will set up shops in each individual hotel room. This isn’t creepy at all.

1:45 – He’s in a room that sells hats. Any type of hat you want, as long as it’s a fedora.

2:15 – John Riggs picks up a flogger and says, “I don’t know about that so much.”

I really don’t want to think about John Riggs’ BDSM exploits.

2:30 – There’s some lunatic outside a hotel room with one of those like plague doctor masks on. You know, with like a beak. He’s walking around in public like this.

It seems that John Riggs is there with his son/daughter. Not the son/daughter who actually looks like a guy and had her name changed and possibly had some surgery but the other son/daughter.

3:00 – This hotel room sells “caffeinated marshmallows.”

By the way, this nerd convention is taking place in Washington. John Riggs lives in Washington. I don’t know how far he travelled for this but it wasn’t across state lines at least.

You can buy these small bags of marshmallows here: https://shop.indiprogames.com/products/caffeinated-marshmallows

Only $9.00 each. Nine dollars for a bag containing six marshamallows. Now, I know that prices have gone up since I was last in the US, but are marshmallows going for $1.50 each now? In my day, you could get a bag of about 100 marshmallows for $1.50.

You can also buy like card games and board games from that site. And you can filter your search by weight. That’s a first for me. For those of you out there who make your purchasing decisions based on the weight of a game.

Personally, I won’t play anything over two pounds. It’s just not worth the effort.

5:00 – Now John Riggs is in a hotel room selling like…penis armour. Well, for the man who has everything, I guess.

Then a 400 pound woman wearing a top hat and a fur coat enters from the balcony. What the fuck is any of this? Would you want to spend one fucking second with these people?

And apparently, they’re doing this at night. A few seconds earlier, John Riggs said that a lot of these “stores” (hotel rooms) are closed for the night. How late is it? How fucking creepy is it go through a hotel and deal with these fat sexual deviants selling weird bullshit? And he’s there with his son/daughter.

6:00 – They’re at some Star Trek-themed…I don’t even know. But they seem to be selling beverages.

Oh. I think it’s…a hotel room that’s been transformed into a bar. Is he still there with his son/daughter?

But you can get Romulan Ale and whatnot. You know…because it’s Star Trek-themed.

God. Who goes to these places? Speaking of filtering by weight, who under the weight of 300 pounds is going to these places?

6:45 – John Riggs is showing the Star Trek beverage that he got and there’s a 300 pound goth woman in the back eagerly wanting to order her own Star Trek beverage. This is fucking pathetic in the extreme. It’s like a parody of a nerd convention. Where’s the Doctor Who-themed bar?

Where did his fucking son/daughter go? She doesn’t seem to be there. Did he just make her wait outside like a dog?

8:30 – John Riggs expresses surprise that these vendor booths have closed for the day but the merchandise is still out on display and can easily be stolen. But here’s the thing: nobody wants this shit. So it’s safe to leave it out.

8:45 – “The lobby is still hopping at like 1.00 am”

And there’s footage of a fat chick with a tail. What the fuck? These are the bottom feeders even at nerd conventions.

9:00 – Then is just cuts to the next day. So did John Riggs fuck that fat chick with the tail or what? Or maybe it was that purple-haired woman in the…egg costume or something?

But now it’s just the next day and we see John Riggs with his son/daughter. Where was she when he was doing all of this weirdo shit? In a hotel room? He just leaves her in a hotel room? I don’t know how old he/she is. 14? 15? I mean…there are so many poor parenting choices that John Riggs has made that this is perhaps lower on the list but it’s still noteworthy.

9:45 – Now John Riggs is getting breakfast. The buffet is $8.00. So less than the cost of six marshmallows.

Sadly, we don’t get to see what John Riggs got.

Also, John Riggs made a weird comment. He was talking about something called “Baca-Con”…or something…and suggested that they had to change the name because Japanese people would be offended. What is he talking about? I didn’t get it.

10:00 – A relatively svelte 200 pound woman is showing John Riggs some NES games. You know the old saying, in the land of the 400 pounders, the 200 pound woman is hot.

11:30 – John Riggs seems offended at a vendor selling fur. He’s about to get the red paint out.

And this is somebody who eats like three whole chickens a day. Yeah, you’re a real friend of the animals, John Riggs.

11:45 – Some vendor is offering hair braiding. Unfortunately, John Riggs doesn’t go for it.

11:58 – You’ll have to pause this one. There’s a guy in the background sitting down and wearing a mask who’s got to be easily 500 pounds. You only see him for a second.

12:00 – Just a room of giant fucking nerds playing Dungeons & Dragons or something.

I’m seeing a lot of people wearing masks.

15:21 – Another 500 pound man selling shit to nerds. I’m noticing a trend.

16:15 – John Riggs sees a small “treasure box” and his idea of what to put in there is “snacks, like some chocolate coins or something.”

It’s always got to be the food with this guy. Are you not seeing these people, John Riggs? These 500 pound men? I mean, you’re 400 pounds. That should be enough cause for concern. But don’t these 500 pound men alarm you? This should be a wake up call. Start dieting and exercising.

Then we see John Riggs in a Dr Robotnik or whatever costume. This is the most pathetic thing in the universe.

16:45 – “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a convention more dog-friendly.”

That’s no way to talk about these women, John Riggs.

17:27 – Another 500 pounder.

17:30 – Medieval jousting. But this takes place in an alternate universe where medieval knights were at least 300 pounds. I don’t envy the steed who has to carry these fatasses around.

19:30 – 500 pound men in their 50s watching anime in a Star Trek-themed “bar”. This just about sums it up.

• “That Link from the thumbnail makes me seriously uncomfortable. Don’t they do background checks on their attendees? I wouldn’t want to run into that guy in the restroom. You might find him drilling holes in the walls of the cubicles.”

John Riggs must have changed the thumbnail since that was posted.

• “Nice to see Lily again.”

John Riggs says, “They still pop up sometimes. They changed their name to Jay since high school but always love it and can tell when someone’s been watching a LONG time. I kinda miss doing those old unboxing videos. Maybe I’ll bring’em back.”

John Riggs, you are a total failure as a father. TWO of your daughters became sons/daughters? Some weirdo bullshit going on at the Riggs household. I don’t want to speculate beyond that.