Gamer Girls

What’s fucking Shermacon?

SIXTY DOLLAR NERD CONVENTION? Who the fuck is paying $60 to go to a rural Pennyslvania nerd convention?

Wait…$60 for six weeks? What the fuck is this? The flyer just mentions the frisbee golf tournament that you can enter.

From tabletop to video games, SHERMA-CON is an all-inclusive gamer’s paradise. Gamers from all fandoms come together to share their unique passions. There will be a variety of board games available, like Everdell, to check out and learn, as well as free-play video game consoles, and more.

See a Magic the Gathering demo, the Dungeons and Dragons showcase, and watch experienced game players in action. There will be comic and anime artists and a cosplay contest judged by accomplished cosplayers!

That’s the description on Facebook. So yeah, just a nerd convention. But is it for six weeks or…what?

Well, maybe The Ideas Man can shed some light on this.

0:00 – Newt is shooting this on a new phone because his old one died.

I get a new phone probably every…fuck, I don’t know…five to seven years? I got my last one about two years ago. I keep it going until they break down. I don’t even have a contract. I use the phone so infrequently that I’m just on pay-as-you go. I put like £10 on the phone every couple of months.

So anyway, Newt was at this nerd convention with PVC Bondage Guy and that old prostitute Fallon.

0:45 – Shoutout to the “redhead”. Newt, fuck right off.

2:00 – “I like being able to talk to people who know us already and are obviously fans.”

I can not imagine that there are enough people ON EARTH to fill a little convention room of Newt Wallen fans. Fortunately, Newt took pictures and we can confirm exactly how many people were there for this big event.

I count 11 people and the two in the back are probably crew or something. So not including the crew or Newt and his hos, we’ve got:

1. First row on the left: Weirdo masked guy doing some kind of lame as fuck Mario cosplay.
2. Second row on the left: Generic bearded fat guy
3. Back row on the right: Face paint afro wig wild and crazy guy
4. Next to him: His unfortunate fat girlfriend
5. Middle row on the right: Homeboy embarrassing his race with this nerd trash
6. Next to him: His fat white girlfriend. Black guys do like the fat white chicks
7. Front row right: Damaged goth slut who’s filling the hole where her self-esteem should be with fat, smelly nerd sex
8. Two seats over: 300 pound chick
9. Next to her: Her 300 pound boyfriend

What a group. These are Newt’s fans.

And come on. These people are not Newt’s fans. They came to this fucking nerd convention, they wanted to sit down for a little while, and they saw that there was going to be a talk soon. So they walked into the room. That’s it. They didn’t go to this nerd convention to see Newt. Did Newt even advertise that he was going to be there?

3:30 – He’s talking about the panel that he did. “We had 15 people out there.”

So I guess, if we include the possible crew, four people were hiding in that picture. Well, it’s possible. There’s a lot of fat to hide behind in that group.

“I’ve never heard of this con before.”

Well, duh. Because this was the first one. Didn’t you do ANY research before agreeing to go, Newt? I knew this from the two fucking seconds that it took me to find their Facebook page.

Newt will just agree to anything, I guess.

Then Newt says that last year’s convention had more people. What? Let me look this up again.

Oh, I was looking at an advertisement for 2023 that said it was the first one.

4:00 – “We had 15 people at our panel and we just made it up as we went.”

What professionals. Why bother preparing for anything? These people paid between $25 and $75 for this shit. These are Newt’s fans who were in attendance. All 15 of them. Even that hot goth chick with no standards. Couldn’t be bothered preparing.

“We’ll just wing it. Talk about tits and gore, do a little soft shoe routine, .and then call it a day.”

4:30 – Newt says, “It costs nothing to pat an artist on the back” or something, and then immediately says that he’s not an artist.

Then why mention it? Because he thinks that he is an artist.

He’s also apparently unaware of the fact that it also costs nothing to tell an “artist” that his “art” sucks dick.

5:15 – Newt longs for the day when Youtube is no longer a viable career path and professional “Youtubers” have to get real jobs. He’s talking about James Rolfe, of course. Newt hates that James Rolfe is making money on Youtube and Newt isn’t. Newt also blames James for Newt losing his job at Screenwave.

No, Newt. You were the one doing the plagiarism. Accept responsibility.

Oh, wait. Maybe he was talking about Tony from Hack the Movies because Newt complains about “Youtubers” who do “reviews” that are longer than the actual movie.

Well, I don’t think that Tony is making much money from this. It can’t be enough to live on, certainly. But anyway, Newt happily did those reviews with Tony but now that they’re not talking, because Newt is a plagiarist and apparently said some crazy shit to Tony and Horseface, Newt thinks it’s appropriate to take shots at Tony.

7:45 – Newt says that he sold ten issues of the comic at this thing.

I used to read a communist newspaper when I was in college. A professor supplied them. I studied politics. I took a lot of political theory classes. It was basically a New York newspaper. And they would run stories about how they were helping at a union strike or whatever and they’d talk about how many newspapers they sold. And it was always something ridiculously low like, “We sold seven newspapers.” And you’d think, “How pathetic is this? Why even mention it?”

But one day, they were at some big rally and at the end of the article, they said, “We sold 2,000 newspapers.” What? And you know it wasn’t bullshit because usually they gave these ridiculously low figures and seemingly had no problem admitting to that.

Anyway, I was just reminded of that with Newt’s ten comics sold. When is he going to offer them to the general public? I’ve got the money in my hot little hand, Newt. I’m itching for some Florida Man Saves Christmas action.

I’m not going to pirate it. I’ll do a review, of course, but I won’t scan all of the pages.

It’s like James Rolfe’s autobiography. I did a review of that. And the fags on Reddit were all like, “Someboy pirate it! I don’t want to give James any money.”

Then don’t get it. I suspect that you boys just don’t have the eight bucks. Go get a job. But anyway, I didn’t pirate it. I just did a review. You can read it here but set aside some time. It’s long:

James Rolfe: A Movie Making Nerd Omnibus

8:00 – Issue six should be out before the summer. I’m still waiting for issue 1, Newt. Where is it? We were promised this shit YEARS ago.

He says he’s going to release all six issues this summer. I’ve heard this before. But usually he ties the release date with Christmas. You know…what with it being Florida Man Saves CHRISTMAS and all.

8:15 – Newt is pleased that 20 people subscribed to the channel thanks to his convention appearance.

This is absolutely not worth doing. It’s not worth the fucking gas money to get there never mind you have to clear your whole fucking schedule for the day. Wasn’t Newt working this day? It was presumably a Saturday but I assume that Newt works weekends. Weekends are surely the busiest days down at the movie theatre.

I used to work in casinos and you had to have YEARS of seniority before you got to work Monday to Friday. Almost everybody worked weekends because that was the busiest time. People had different schedules. They’d work Wednesday to Sunday or Thursday to Monday or whatever. So on their last day before their two break, they would say, “Today is my Friday.” You’d hear that all the time and it drove me insane. Because it was every fucking day. It was ALWAYS somebody’s “Friday” and people felt the need to tell you. Look, I don’t fucking care. I’m just here to ogle the big-titted MILF cocktail waitresses in their skimpy outfits and collect my fifty-six bucks.

8:30 – “Metz got to talk about wrestling with people.”

Eugh. Imagine paying $25 to $75 to hear a crazy woman who only started watching wrestling six months ago talk about wrestling.

“People got to look at pictures of Fallon being sexy.”

Eugh. No thanks, Newt. If I want to look at some old whore, I’ll go to the red light district at 3.00 am and see what’s still available.

9:00 – Newt told the organiser of this event to invite him back next year.

FOR WHAT? He put not fucking effort into this.

Stop and think about it for two seconds. You’re invited to give a speech. Never mind that it’s a nerd convention. It’s a speech of some sort, I assume that there’s some remuneration involved. Wouldn’t you prepare something? You’d write some shit on some file cards? You’d prepare an outline? Maybe even some PowerPoint presentation?

You wouldn’t just show up and say, “Hey guys! You like tits and gore? Let’s do this then. You, the fat guy in the back, any questions for this old whore?”

9:45 – “It takes a lot of energy to be on for 12 hours, you know, to be in sell mode.”

This was Newt’s idea of “sell mode”? HE DIDN’T PREPARE A SINGLE THING.

10:30 – Newt advertises some nerd convention in Ohio that he’s going to be at along with PVC Bondage Guy and that fucking crack addict. So another nerd convention that he put no effort into. Come check it out. He’ll be selling Florida Man. You can also see the Shark Vampire puppet.

I’m stopping the video at 14:00. There’s another few minutes, but I think I’m good.