Gamer Girls

Alright, let’s try to get through this.

The last one…what was it…some Christmas game. I couldn’t even watch it for the purposes of writing about it. It was some shitty game that nobody has ever heard of and it was highly, highly, MASSIVELY edited. Two seconds of footage and then boom, an edit. Different footage now. Repeat for twenty minutes.

What the fuck is that? You can’t follow what’s going on. It was just random footage.

Mike has played this, by the way. Fairly recently. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

0:45 – After about ten seconds of James playing the game HORRIBLY, it cuts abruptly to a commercial.

WHO’S EDITING THIS SHIT? GET RID OF THEM. IT’S UNWATCHABLE.

James REALLY likes this mobile game. It’s the only time when he appears to be interested in anything.

Oh, there’s a Cinemassacre clan in this game. James invites you to join it and you can find monsters together. He’s implying…no. More than that. He’s stating that he will be playing the game with you. It’s 100% bullshit, of course. Why would he put a blatent lie in the ad like this?

2:30 – “Don’t forget to find me and join clan Cinemassacre today.”

What’s your user name, James? How many hours have you logged into this game so far? We want the details.

He’s a lying fucking retard.

Then we’re back to the gameplay. REALLY bad. TERRIBLE. He blames the controller.

3:30 – John has to explain to him that when you go over the rough areas of the track, your health goes down. Or whatever. And this was after James went on and on and on about how much he played this game as a kid and how everybody played it and how everybody knows the rules and how the tutorial was therefore a waste of time.

Didn’t know that you lose health on the rough areas or the track. Or whatever it is. Even I know this and I’ve never played the game before.

And this is edited to fuck. It’s fucking terrible. Just show the god damned races. Is it that hard?

I know that James can’t talk so there would be long stretches of nothing. But we’d be able to see the fucking gameplay at least.

4:30 – John died but…how? We didn’t see the progression. He seemed to be doing okay. Then they just cut to the end where he dies.

I’m done. It’s unwatchable. Who the fuck is editing this shit?

There are no credits. Was it Newt the Intern? I want to know. Somebody obviously edited this. Shouldn’t they get credit? Or blame, in this case?

What did the fags on Reddit say?

Well, nobody seems to be mentioning the editing.

Just imbeciles repeating the same three “memes” over and over and over again.

I don’t know how nobody can notice how atrocious the editing is. Totally unwatchable and I put the blame entirely on the editing. I mean, yeah, James is a retard and probably has nothing to say but I have no way of confirming this because the editing makes it entirely unwatchable.

I’m just going to move on to more interesting videos.

There’s this guy Hezakya and he’s clearly not right mentally but he posts some interesting material. It’s a black guy from Baltimore so it’s a lot “urban” stuff and stuff about racism and whatnot.

Recently he’s been posting these videos which seem to a local Baltimore “urban” talk show from the 1980s. There was an episode where Vanessa Del Rio was the guest and I watched some of that before I just couldn’t take that cretinous co-host Jaki Hall. SHE’S AN IDIOT! Totally ruins the show.

From a quick Google search, she’s some scam “preacher” now. She must be 100 years old.

But I found this particular video about transexuals hilarious. At least for the first 15 seconds. Then it quickly becomes unwatchable thanks to Reverand Hall over here.

“Many people view homosexuals, transexuals, and transvestites as unnatural deviants.”

You used to be able to say it like it is back in the day.

Wow. I just noticed that I’ve now written more articles about Newt Wallen than I have about Cinemassacre. So Newt is now in second place. Watch out, Erin. Newt is coming for you.