Gamer Girls

Oh, Erin. You’re really spoiling us. Another video and only ten days after your last one.

It’s zero effort, of course. She’s just going to show controllers. But she’s a big video game fan. She knows a lot about controllers. Just look at the background of her Youtube closet, after all. It’s full of video game shit. What more proof do you need of Erin’s slavish devotion to video games?

0:00 – “Hey guys. Erin Plays here.”

She actually refers to herself as “Erin Plays”. How insane in that? Doesn’t she usually just say “Erin”?

She starts with the SN30 Pro from 8 Bit Do.

Oh, of course. That’s a classic. I remember as a kid playing on the SN30 Pro from 8 Bit Do. I used it on my SN30 Pro 64. Great controller, great console. So many memories. What a fantastic choice for the first controller to highlight.

This must be a fucking ad. Why would she start with this? Why not start with, “Hey, here’s the SNES controller. It’s pretty cute. Next”?

Nobody fucking has this. Nobody wants this.

0:30 – The 6 button Sega Genesis controller. Uh huh. Let’s hear it.

Oh. It’s from Retro Bit.

What the fuck is this? SHOW THE ORIGINAL CONTROLLERS, YOU DUMB BITCH. NOBODY WANTS THESE ADS.

1:15 – “Speaking of translucent eee-lectronics.”

It’s so fucking annoying. And she says “electronics” like ten times. Weirdly. She’s a big fan of the long “E” sound, guys.

But now she’s showing N64 controllers. The actual ones this time. She’s just talking about the colours. One is watermelon, the other is grape. We really needed to know that. You guys like colours, right?

Erin, I’m all about colours. But we can see them. I’m not fucking blind. I can see what the colours are. You don’t need to point them out.

2:00 – She told her mother that she wanted a “watermelon red” N64 to match the “watermelon red” controller that she had. But her mother declined, stating that Erin already has an N64.

Was Erin retarded? Why would she want another N64 just for the colour? The stupidity is off the fucking charts. Let’s just move on. I don’t want to get worked up over colours here.

2:30 – “Do you remember when this was new and people were debating, like, on how to hold it correctly?”

No, Erin.

I don’t actually remember anything about the Nintendo 64. I remember Atari 2600. I remember when the NES came out. I remember SNES. And then…it’s not until Playstation that I remember anything about console video games.

Wasn’t Playstation a contemporary of Nintendo 64? It was totally off my radar. What year was it out?

It was 1996. I would have been in college. But I bought a Playstation in like 1997 or 1998. I must not have even considered a Nintendo 64. It was considered a console for children.

I played it a lot in emulator form a few years later. There were a lot of good games. I played it even though the emulation was slow and buggy.

I did almost no Playstation emulation, though. There was that fucking Bleem. I had a pirated version of that. I don’t think that I ever got it to work. And I had ePSXe or whatever. But there weren’t really rom sites for Playstation games. You had to get ISOs from Kazaa or whatever. And the ISOs were big. Like 600mb or whatever. And I was on dialup.

They had what were called “mini ISO rips”, which stripped out the videos and other shit and lowered the file size to like 30 mb but only of a handful of games. Tekken 3 as a mini ISO rip was everywhere and I also managed to get Tenchu. But that was the extent of my Playstation emulation experience. Those two games.

On the other hand, I think that I had every N64 rom. You were able to get them from rom sites. Mame dot dk or JoseQ’s site or whatever. Downloading from rom sites was better than Kazaa because you could resume the downloads on websites (using Filezilla or something) but I don’t think that Kazaa allowed you to resume downloads. I could be wrong. There was just something that made websites better than file sharing programs.

3:00 – Erin says that the N64 controller is “iconic”. It’s one of her favourite words. Right up there with “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-lectronic”.

3:15 – Vectrex. She’s a big Vectrex fan, guys.

Why isn’t this done in any sort of order? Logically, she should have done this in chronological order. But no. She just does whatever because she puts no fucking effort into anything. Also, she doesn’t know the chronological order that these systems came out in.

4:15 – “Now let’s enter the world of NES controllers. That is Nintendo Entertainment System controllers.”

She’s proud of herself that she finally “remembered” what “NES” stands for.

4:45 – She doesn’t like some controller. She says, “Can you imagine playing Castlevania with this?”

Can you imagine talking about a different fucking game?

5:45 – Interesting pronunciation of Arkanoid. It’s Arkanoid, right? Not Arknoid? There’s an “A” in the middle, isn’t there? Not according to Miss Plays. She’s a big Arknoid fan.

6:30 – She finds it funny that some controller has three turbo settings. You know…exactly like the Turbo Grafx controller. She’s seen a Turbo Grafx controller, right? Because we know that she’s a big “PC Engine” fan. Same thing. Same controller. She must have seen it.

Then she talks about the various colours that this controller came in. AT CONSIDERABLE LENGTH. Fucking fuck off.

Then she says “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-lectronics” again. Dumb fucking bitch.

“You know what’s great about turbo controllers?” And then she says that it makes it so you don’t have to tap the button repeatedly. Well, no fucking shit. That’s the whole fucking point of them. Un-fucking-believeable.

By the way, all of these controllers that NES controlers that she’s showing are Mike’s. They’re a bunch of obscure controllers.

I’m only halfway through this video. Is this ever going to ever end? I’m about to give up.

8:45 – Nintendo Switch controller. So she really skipped a lot of generations of controllers. Like…a lot. I mean…no Atari stuff. No Sega Master System. No Sega Genesis (except for that ad in the beginning). No Turbo Grafx 16. No Playstation 1, 2, 3, or 4. No X-Box or any of the follow up consoles. No GameCube. No Dreamcast.

9:30 – “A Pingu controller. I love Pingu. I think it’s so cute.”

Here’s where we end the video. Go get a fucking job, Erin. I’m sick of this fake fucking bullshit. The constant god damn lies. And POINTLESS lies. WHO CARES if you like Pingu or not? NOBODY. Develop ACTUAL interests. It’s not that hard.