Face/Off is Over The Top – Tony from Hack the Movies

This guy, I don’t know, Vito, is advertising his comic. As here:


He raised $75,000. So that’s a success, I guess. Although…there’s surely a lot of costs involved. It’s not like he got $75,000 profit.

He has a Youtube channel here:


250,000 subscribers. That’s good. But the average number of views per video is about 10,000. That’s bad. Considering how many subscribers he has, I mean.

He makes videos about comic books and movies and cartoons and shit. Let me check one out quickly

It’s just a big fat guy talking into a microphone about whatever the manbaby topic is. Like a vlog. I guess. I don’t want to watch this.

I’m ten minutes into this Face Off video, by the way. I have no idea what anyone is saying. I’m not listening to this shit. It’s just a buzzing noise. I’m going to go make a hamburger now. Leave this shit keep running. I won’t miss anything.

Oh, no. I decided to heat up this “peppered steak slice” instead. Because it was expired. Why do I buy this shit? They’re never good.

I’m 20 minutes in. Nothing interesting is going on.

But I got this “peppered steak slice” from Tesco. That’s the largest grocery chain in the UK. A “peppered steak slice” is a pastry with some kind of meat inside. And possibly potatoes? I don’t know.

Well, that was edible, I guess. I don’t know why I keep getting them. I always think, “Well, those last thousand times when I bought these things were just bad experiences. This time, it’s time it’s going to be delicious.”

At least I have enough self-control not to buy those Ruster’s microwavable hamburgers. I haven’t bought that shit in probably 15 years. I used to get them, though. Awful. Inedible. But I’d still buy them. I can’t explain it.

What Tesco is doing now is having a “club card” price and a “normal” price. It’s their “loyalty card.” They’re now basically forcing you to get the fucking card. Because who’s going to pay the higher price? I just don’t buy the product when I see that it has a “club card price” on it. Indeed, I basically stopped going to Tesco because of this shit.

But now Sainsbury’s, which I think is the second biggest grocery store in the country, is doing the same shit. So…what am I going to do? These two stores comprise probably 40% of the grocery store market in the UK. And the nearest grocery store to me is a Sainsbury’s.

I’m 30 minutes into the video, by the way. Nothing is happening.

So yeah, I could get one of these fucking cards. They’re free. But I don’t want to give them my personal data. That’s the point of these cards, after all. They want to use and sell your personal data and spending habits and whatnot. And in exchange, they give you pennies in discounts. Fuck off.

What else? What else can I talk about to get my mind off of this boring as fuck video? Oh my god, there’s another 70 minutes of this. God. This guy has absolutely no respect for his audience.

He’s basically doing what I’m doing now. Just putting complete shit out there and saying, “Eat up, horntards. You’ll watch anything.”

Let’s talk about my hopes and dreams. Because this video is really causing me to lose the will to live.

I’d like to move to a village, somewhere in Europe, and just do nothing. Find a place with generous welfare. I’ve been thinking of this for like ten years. I think I’m going to do it. Just get a little house somewhere and do nothing. Just colllect welfare.

I told my girlfriend about this years ago. And she said, “Can’t you do that here?”, meaning the UK. It’s true. I could. But I don’t know. That doesn’t appeal to me. That’s not really an adventure, that’s just giving up on life.

But if I went somewhere where I don’t speak the language, it’s expected that I don’t work. And it would also be a good way to learn a language, I guess.

I’m 42 minutes in. Tony is yelling for some reason. Please, Tony. I’m trying to concentrate on my story.

So I’ve researched this. I’ve researched the price of houses in villages in a couple of coutries. It’s totally doable. Just get a cheap little house and fucking do nothing. How awesome would that be? Everything would be new. And difficult. It’s a challenge.

It’s important to mix things up in life. Anything could happen. Maybe I’d find some hot, big-titted village woman who’s attracted to unemployed middle aged men. It can happen. How many times has an American moved into this village? Probably never. I’d be a pioneer of sorts.

I think I’m going to do it. Maybe soon. Then I’d finally have enough time to watch Newt’s desperate three hour livestreams.

By the way, Newt’s latest video is him talking about porn with that prostitute and PVC Bondage Guy. No, Newt. I’m not watching that desperate as fuck shit. It’s not happening. And I’m not alone in this. It’s at 311 views after 24 hours.

He seems to think that tits (and gore) equals views. No. Quality videos equal views. Figure out how to make quality videos and there’s your path to fame and fortune.

I wonder why more people don’t just up and move. I was on the train today and some old drunk guy was complaining about the broken sign on the train. The thing was reading that the next stop was in some other town, which was obviously wrong. And he said, “I’ve never even heard of that place. I’ve never left the city.”

He was drunk at like 1:00 in the afternoon, loudly talking to anyone who would listen about how he’s never left the city. He was probably in his 60s.

Why did he never say, “You know what? I’m going to try something different. Why stay in my rut? I’m going to move to Austria and see where that takes me.”

It’s the same with anyone. I’ve gone on this diatribe many times but I find it baffling. People just seem to lack a passion for life or adventure or something.

You look at Tony from Hack the Movies, for example. Why is he still living in fucking rural Pennsylvania? I could see if he had a good job or a family or something but he has none of this. When he quit Screenwave, why didn’t he say, “You know what? I’m going to move to the Virgin Islands. I can record the show there.”

There’s nothing stopping him.

He must enjoy living in rural Pennsylvania. So much so that he refuses to even try another place.

And I gave a somewhat ridiculous example, although he certainly can move to the Virgin Islands, but why not New York? Or Boston? Or a small town in a state other than Pennsylvania?

No. He was born in rural Pennsylvania and just by the cosmic accident of his birth, it just so happens that he was born in the best place in the world. Not even worth trying anywhere else.

Anyway, I’m turning this shit off now. I made it to 1:10:00. It was awful. There’s actually another 30 minutes of this.

6 thoughts on “Face/Off is Over The Top – Tony from Hack the Movies

  1. I like that they both thought the day they recorded this “Yeah I don’t look like a fucking idiot wearing all this and being a fat neckbeard at this age. Let’s do this.”

  2. This site is hilarious. I love your writing style. It’s like some kind of weird observational comedy. If it was a YouTube channel it would be huge. It would probably get shut down though. Why? There are thousands of “reactors” who basically pirate a movie or tv show, put it on screen and just stare at it and say oh my god a few times, then make a bunch of fucking money. But it would be epic to watch clips of these shitheads while you talk about some shitty sandwich like you’re Larry David or someone. But the band of butthurts would shut you down. Why don’t movie studios shut down those “reactors” all of which are shit because they don’t say anything at all! It’s obvious with how many times you’re had to change sites it probably wouldn’t last long on YouTube but I’d love to see it anyway.

    I moved around from the second I was 18 and it was the greatest thing ever. Every 2 years I just picked up and left. In high school it was always the thing everyone talked about, leaving the shit hole you grew up in to go somewhere else and be better than everyone else. To make it big!

    And what happened? Nobody really did it. They all still live 5 minutes away from school but in a different house. It was all talk, all bullshit. This was really before the internet was anything but email but before my ten year reunion I tracked down a guy and told him my story and had him pass it on. But at the reunion, nobody believed him. They all thought it was a lie but what I didn’t know is someone else from school who knew someone who knew someone who knew my mom also heard the whole story and said she knew everything this guys said about me that I told him was true. So suck on that!

    But especially in the age of work from anywhere especially this stupid shit where you make movie reviews longer than the actual movie why are you living in Pennsylvania? Why not go where there’s no winter at least?

    Indie goog and other kickstarters are a fucking cancer on the earth. They allow this stupid shit to be created and let the creator live a rich life, relatively risk free from any responsibility. If the idea was good it would sell itself. You’d take the risk because you believed in it, put the time in, spend your own money or get a loan to fund it and ensure it was good enough to be profitable. And that was the success story of most of these people these assholes worship. Kevin Smith to JK Rowling, none of them had any money to their names when they made it big, but it ensured a certain level of quality while also keeping the pretenders and hacks locked out.

    Now just come up with a rough draft idea and start collecting money. It’s shit! Lazy shit!! So someone who never deserved money or fame is now propped up by this while encouraging the next generation to the same. Shit begetting shit!

    1. Yeah, I remember the feeling of wanting to get out of my shitty town after high school. Everybody must have had the same feeling. But they didn’t do it.


    Also love how this neckbeard nobody received 75K in funding for a comic book while Newt’s “comic book” still hasn’t been published after 3+ years of saying “it will be out in a couple of months” over and over again.

  4. I must have missed the part about Vito being a big dumb fucking fat ass talking into a mic but that’s his channel. Basically every video. It’s pure shit! I’d rather watch Pam aka Jaysla(underscore) or even pushing up roses because at least it’s not some sweaty 350 pound fat fuck retard! His top video has 10 million views! what the fuck?! Why?! How?! He doesn’t deserve any views and yet he amassed this army of retards to bankroll his horse shit comic.

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