Ninety minutes is a “short” stream? What happened to her carpal tunnel syndrome? It seems to come and go when it’s convenient.
0:00 – “I hope you had a good holiday.”
Which holiday? But yes, I had a very restful Soyal. Thanks for the sensitivity in not assuming that I celebrate Christmas. I celebrated Soyal with my fellow Zuni people. You guys remember the Zuni, right? They’re still around. Anyway, we just danced and chanted and whatnot to bring the sun back. And just look outside. See that big fiery thing in the sky? You have me to thank for it.
Oh, by the way, Erin went to visit her parents over Christmas. At least I assume that she celebrates Christmas. Maybe I shouldn’t be so insensitive. Let’s just say “holidays”. Here she is drinking a beverage from that California chain restaurant Hot Dog on a Stick.
She’s drinking it in front of JC Penney! How epic is this? Erin is ALL ABOUT JC Penney. It’s her thing. Hey guys! Remember JC Penney?
I do remember JC Penney, Erin. Tell us a story about JC Penney. Oh. You don’t have any. Because you’ve never been to one in your life. Disappointing.
“I was going to start with some Splatterhouse practice again but I was really upset because before I started I was trying to remember how to do the stupid slide kick and I can’t remember how to do it.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” how to do the slide kick in Splatterhouse.
She’s been playing this game A LOT lately, on stream for money, of course. She’s running this shit into the ground like she’s done with Castlevania and Vampire Survivors. God forbid that she plays in her spare time. No. She has to subject the world to this tedium. She needs those pennies from horntards.
And if I recall, you do the slide kick by jumping and then pressing the attack button right before you land. It takes some timing. I haven’t played the game in like 20 years so I could be wrong. But I’ve actually played the game. This is how I know this stuff. I played it in my spare time, like a normal person. You know…for fun.
“And you can’t look it up because everything I look up is either about the second game or it’s not correct.”
I just fucking told you. And how did I know how to do this? I don’t think that I owned the game as a kid. I rented it once. But I played it whenever I started looking at emulators. I don’t know. It was shortly after I got the internet. I was 20 years old or so.
0:30 – “We’re going to start with some Super Star Soldier. I haven’t played this game in a really long time but I remember that I liked it.”
She played it once. On stream, for money. That’s why she doesn’t “remember” anything. She just doesn’t fucking know.
Would you remember the details of a game that you played once, years ago, for five minutes? Of course not.
She’s also editing stuff out of this. It was just Mike, in the chat, telling to increase the volume and suggesting games that she can play. It’s completely baffling that he apparently takes an interest in what she does, offers suggestions on how she can improve, and still…we get this. This absolute dogshit that Erin produces again and again. There’s been absolutely no improvement.
1:15 – “Aren’t I supposed to be picking out a ship or am I thinking of…maybe I’m thinking of something else.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” if you can choose your ship or not in Super Star Soldier.
Then she comments on every single weapon upgrade. Like she’s never seen any of these. Because she hasn’t. She played the game ONCE. BRIEFLY. ON STREAM FOR MONEY.
But she likes the game. She remembered that she liked the game. Even though she obviously can’t “remember” ANYTHING about it.
2:30 – “TurboGrafx has a lot of good schmups.”
Great chat, Erin. You’re a real pro gamer. Look at this keen insight that she gave us. It’s also something that Mike, coincidentally, always says.
“And, you know, PC Engine. All of that.”
It’s the same fucking console, Erin. Different regions. You don’t have to mention both of them.
I know that there were games exclusive to Japan but that’s how it is with every console. If you’re talking about the great library of Dreamcast games would you say, “Also, the Japanese Dreamcast.” No. Nobody would do that. But Erin, because she knows absolutely nothing about video games, has to always mention “PC Engine” whenever she’s talking about TurboGrafx. This is a pathetic attempt to pretend that she knows about video games. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t know shit about video games.
If you’re talking about Genesis games would you say, “Also, the Mega Drive games were pretty sweet”? No. It’s the same fucking console. Different names. Who cares?
3:00 – She’s reading from the chat. “Turbo controller? No, I’m not using a turbo controller.”
What? Then what the fuck is she using? All of the TurboGrafx controllers were turbo controllers. They had the fucking switches on them to adjust the turbo speed.
She just doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about, I assume. When somebody said “turbo controller” she must have thought that it was some special controller. Like how with the NES, there was the NES Advantage.
“I’m using an XBox Elite controller.”
Oh, she really wasn’t using a TurboGrafx controller. Won’t this make the games significantly more difficult? Because I looked it up and there’s apparently no turbo function on that XBox controller. And a lot of TurboGrafx games basically require a turbo controller.
3:30 – “I think I was thinking of another game when I chose this but I don’t hate this. I like it.”
Erin “always” “forgets”…every fucking game in the TurboGrafx library. Every name of every game. Everything that you do in every game. And let’s broaden this out further. She “forgets” everything about every game ever released for every console.
3:45 – She says that she’ll be taking requests soon. “Yeah, we can do TurboGrafx or PC Engine.”
Well no fucking shit, Erin. It’s the same fucking console. What aren’t you getting about this?
And I’m skimming this video…she plays this game for TWENTY MINUTES. This is awful.
She just seems to play shit games in this video. What about Bonk’s Adventure? Have you considered that one? I don’t think that she’s ever played it. Show me the stream.
6:30 – She’s talking about how much “hard work” she put into her recent Castlevania video and that she’s happy with the result. She says, “What’s the difference between just summarising the gameplay and reviewing it.”
Apparently, she hasn’t figured that out because this is what I complained about in my article. She just fucking summarises the gameplay.
“Because, you know, there’s a difference between summarising something and reviewing something.”
Oh, I know. You’re preaching to the choir here, Erin. This is every fucking article that I write about Tony from Hack the Movies’ god awful “reviews”.
“And I feel like that’s why I don’t do movie reviews or anything because I feel that I would accidentally just summarise it.”
Yeah. Like Tony from Hack the Movies and his crew of braindead degenerates.
“Which is fine but then I wouldn’t call it a review.”
Indeed.
Then she edited out her sticking an entire tissue up her nose.
8:30 – “X looks like Y”. We haven’t heard this “joke” in a while.
10:00 – “I haven’t played a schmup in so long. It’s like I forget the words for things.”
Eugh.
This is dog shit. I’m skipping to the next game.
21:45 – Samurai Ghost. This was a Mike suggestion. She says that she chose Mike’s game because he was the first one in the chat. Uh huh. Also, Mike is her sugar daddy.
22:00 – Shout out to Retail Archaeology. He’s in the chat. Mike better watch out because this Omega orbiter is also regularly on Erin’s Twitter.
This is awful. Erin is terrible at the game, of course, and she’s just saying, “Oh look at this! Look at that thing! Oh, that’s cute!”
Moving on. Next game.
32:15 – BravoMan. Another fucking piece of shit game that people are choosing for the alleged “comedy” value. Oh, and this one was suggested by Retail Archaeology. Fucking pathetic. And Mike is right there in the fucking chat.
Does this guy ever appear in a video? Oh, I think that he does.
Which one of these guys is he, though? The bearded fuck starts the video by talking about him having a wife. That’s good because that guy has no chance with Erin.
The other guy’s name is Mark. But it’s this bearded fuck who seems to own the channel. So which one is in Erin’s Twitch stream coming on to her? The married, bald, fat, bearded guy or…well, the other bald, fat, bearded guy who might be slightly younger? I assume that this other guy is bald because he’s wearing a hat indoors.
33:15 – She pronounced “corps” as “corpse”. What a fucking doofus. She has a degree in English. Allegedly.
This is just more of the same. “Look at this! Now look at that! I like the colours!”
FUCK OFF! Next game.
38:00 – Some other bad “comedy” game. I’m done.