Completing the Bone Zone stage in Vampire Survivors! – Erin Plays

I guess that Erin is going to run this game into the ground now. Just like she does with the Castlevania series. Okay, Erin. I’ll watch it. What terrible, boring bullshit do you have to say this time?

By the way, Mike streamed this game. That’s how Erin knows about it.

0:15 – “So I have to tell you guys something. If you grew up in a mall that had a Gloria Jeans — remember that? It was like a coffee shop that was in malls. And…okay, this sounds too loud. Vice Project Doom is a good game, though. Ummm…I don’t usually like flavoured coffee. But…ummm…I’ll tweet this in a more articulate way later on.”

Thank the almighty fuck. This is fucking abysmal. This is how she starts the stream? This rambling story that goes nowhere? Gloria Jeans? What? Did I even hear that right? There was a coffee shop called Gloria Jeans?

She continues. “But…I don’t know…it was just like, it felt like it was calling to me. It was like the McCafe coffee cups and it was like toffee almond flavour.”

What in the blue hell is she talking about? Nobody gives a shit. Shut the fuck up and start the game.

Negative fucking charisma. I don’t want to hear this fucking go-nowhere story.

“And when you brew it, it smells exactly like…like how Gloria Jeans used to smell in the mall in the 90s.”


“And I feel like I was meant to try this flavour. I just feel like it was meant for me.”

So that’s the story. And she edited stuff out before and after this story. So…when she was editing this video, she thought that this was a story that needed to be heard. “They’re going to LOVE this coffee story that goes nowhere!”

No. I didn’t love it, Erin. I don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about. I don’t give a shit about malls. I don’t give a shit about coffee. I’m here for some pro gaming. Vampire Survivors. Let’s see it.

9:45 – “Yeah, using a d-pad is usually better for me with…ummm…carpal tunnel.”

More lies.

But here’s what this stream is: Erin playing the game, poorly, and saying “do I want this item or do I want this item.” That’s it. That’s the stream. Who would want to watch this?

10:45 – “Have I considered playing the Wii? Oh, for like motion control stuff? Yeah, it’s like sometimes that bothers my hands, though. It depends on the motion it’s doing, you know.”

Have you considered getting a job, Erin? Or would that bother your hands too? Depends on the motion, I guess. Can you work a cash register? Can you pack food into bags? Can you cook? Next time you’re in McDonalds, fill out a job application. It would be way less degrading than what you’re doing now and it would pay a lot more money.

Okay. I’m done. I made it to 20 minutes.

This is just 45 fucking minutes of a 35 year old chubby, unemployed woman playing a game, poorly, not knowing what’s going on, and every time she levels up she’ll say, “Do I want this item or do I want this item?” That’s it. Oh, and the occasional shoutout to her fake carpal tunnel syndrome.

Who the fuck would want to watch this? This is awful. It’s nothing.

Now I’m wondering what her normal streams are like. Because I can never go two minutes without commenting on something stupid that she says. But here, she’s saying NOTHING.

Completely fucking abysmal. What was I doing when I was 35? I changed what company I was working for. I made twice as much money for doing half as much work. So I was making cash. This is how improve your income. Forget about asking for raises or trying to get promotions. Just change companies every three years or so. Studies have borne this out.

The first place I worked for in my current profession, there were about 20 people all doing the same job. Twenty people who I knew of, anyway. And I have some idea what most of them are doing today. I don’t think that any of them are making more money than I am.

Because they’re mostly still working at the same fucking company. Making peanuts. I changed companies. Every three years. Then I decided to just do it self-employed. Cut out the parasitic middleman.

Today, I can go anywhere in the US and make $100,000/year. The jobs are out there. I see the job listings. They have a difficult time finding qualified people.

This is what I’ve been doing with my life. Learning a trade. Making money. Meanwhile, Erin has been wasting her life, playing video game for a handful of horny retards, for $100/month.

Look at this shit. Who would want a mug with a stripped down 3.5″ disc that says “Erin Plays” on it? It’s in the worst fucking design in history. Bitch Duo should be ashamed of himself. But Erin continues to use this design? Why? It looks like shit.

And do you know who replies? Fucking nobody. NOBODY wants this. Not even Shishi.

That mug is £18.90. Her old school mug, which has a much more suitable logo on it, is £11.85. Why? How does she justify these prices? Why is this shitty mug almost twice as much as her old school mug? It’s the same mug.

You can set whatever prices you want on these items. TeeSpring charges a flat fee of, let’s say £8 per mug, and then whatever you charge over that amount is yours. So in this example, she’d be making £3 for every old school mug that she sells and £10 profit for every shitty new mug that she sells.

But the prices make no fucking sense. Why is she charging £7 more for this shitty new mug?

And the sweatshirt is £55. Come the fuck on. The cut that TeeSpring takes from these things is like £25. So she more than doubled the price.

For who? Who are these hardcore Erin Plays fans who are begging for new “merch”? And you can just make this shit yourself using TeeSpring or any other print-on-demand company. And you can buy the item for the base cost. So £25 in this case. All you need is the logo. You can fucking design a BETTER logo than the piece of shit that Erin slapped on there.

Make a design of Erin fucking topless on the Power Pad. I mean, not for the sweatshirt, that might be a little too bold, but for the mug.

This “merch” store, just like everything else Erin has ever done, is a complete fucking disaster. Every move she makes is the wrong move.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *