I'm Back!!!!!! – Horseface Returns to Twitch – Crystal Quin


I don’t normally review Twitch because the videos are only up for two weeks but I have to make an exception here.  

So it’s Horseface in a lot of makeup and wearing a small dress.

Sound quality is awful.

Well, I’m 90 seconds in and this is so fucking awful that I don’t even know what to say.  She’s annoying as fuck.  And it’s just Horseface talking about how she can’t figure anything out.  

Every time somebody “follows” an annoying video pops up.  Not even subscribed.  Just followed.  Anybody can follow.  I’m pretty sure it’s free.  So this happens CONSTANTLY.  This annoying fucking video pops up with annoying fucking music.

2:30 – Somebody subscribes because…this is top tier content…and then annoying video of a woman shaking her tits appears.  This is what happens when you subscribe.  You see this annoying video of a woman shaking her tits.

So far, Horseface has said NOTHING even REMOTELY interesting.

By the way, I’ve checked.  This video is two and a half hours long and…it’s “just chatting”.  She doesn’t play a game or…do anything.  It’s just two and a half delicious hours of Horseface McGee…doing whatever this is.

Oh my god.  A word of warning.  I usually watch these videos in a fairly small window.  But Horseface advertised some of the incentives that you can get if you subscribe.  It’s some shit written on the screen and it was so small that I couldn’t see it.  So I went full-screen.

Do not go full-screen on this video.  And if you’re watching this on a big screen tv, god help you.

These “incentives” were less than nothing, by the way.  If you type something in the chat, you’re able to make some stupid video play.  Who would even want that?  I don’t want these fucking videos.  They’re annoying.

4:15 – “So uhhhh…yeah.  So…hi guys!  Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

What a showman.  Can you say something interesting, Horseface?  This must be why she only talks about hot chicks on Hack the Movies.  She’s a fucking moron.  She has absolutely nothing going on in that equine head of hers.

4:45 – Somebody asks her about her snake.  So she has a snake.  She also has a cat named Belzebub or something.  I’m not looking up the correct spelling.  Who gives a shit?  She named her cat after Satan.  Because that’s wacky, right?  And having a snake?  Horseface is all about horror and being wacky.  

She also had a gecko but the gecko died during her recent move.  She moved.  From where to where, I have no idea.  Still rural Pennsylavnia, presumably.

5:15 – Then somebody else subscribes, she says, “hype train”, and that annoying video of the woman shaking her tits appears.

Five minutes in.  When does this fucking start?  Is she going to say anything remotely interesting?

6:00 – Some asshole plays one of these annoying scream sounds that Horseface inexplicably has set up and it throws Horseface’s train of thought.  I got the feeling that she was just about to start talking about something.  ANYTHING.  And then this fucking retard played the sound.  But the real retard is Horseface for having this shit set up like this.

6:15 – She indicates that she streams with Kieran.  Unfortunately, Kieran’s streams are subscriber only.  Good luck with that, Kieran.

6:45 – A horntard suggests that Horseface play Phasmophobia.  You know…because she’s so into horror shit.  Horseface says that she will but, spoiler, she doesn’t.

I’m at ten minutes.  This is fucking…it’s an abomination.  She’s just responding to the IDIOTIC and POINTLESS comments from the horntards.  “The 90s were weird”, for example.  So she takes that and says that she’s not going to wear low-waisted trousers…which…she suggests were popular in the 1990s.  Were there?  Where was I?  But who gives a shit?  TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OF SUBSTANCE!

And people just keep subscribing and following and these annoying fucking videos play.  So she has to stop with whatever idiotic thing she was talking about and thank the horntard.

9:45 – “I’ve actually never seen Butterfly Effect.  I want to.”

Now she’s stealing Erin’s gimmick.  Horseface must have been studying Erin’s videos and thinking, “How can I be even MORE boring?”  She’s going to start talking about colours next.

10:15 – Somebody asks if she works for Screenwave or just helps out.  She says, “I just help out.  I have a full-time job somewhere else.  I’m a production manager for live events.”

Also, she mentions that she started this stream with 90 viewers and now she’s at 60 viewers.  Thirty people just up and left.  Can you blame them?  THIS IS FUCKING AWFUL.  Everything she does is EXTREMELY OFF-PUTTING.  She’s begging people to leave.  These annoying fucking sounds and videos.  

So then a horntard said that everybody left to watch AEW and Horseface agrees with that.  No.  These fucking retards just didn’t watch this trash.  Even the horntards have standards.

And to suggest that people left to watch AEW…these are some hardcore nerds.

When did wrestling become something that nerds enjoy?  It used to be the domain of children and morons.  But not nerds.

11:15 – Horseface says that she’s known Justin for ten years, Tony for five years, and Johanna and everybody else for two years (which is when she started doing these Hack the Movies videos).  

Then Horseface starts talking about how she “went to high school for acting.”  And her first “acting” job was at Underbelly (Justin’s old Youtube channel).  Uh huh.  What a thespian.  That “high school for acting” really paid off.

Who the fuck talks about what they did in HIGH SCHOOL?  This is all that’s done.  She never went to college or anything.  What does it even mean to go to “high school for acting?”  She took a theatre class?  

It’s not like you get different degrees after high school, like you do with college.  Everybody just gets a diploma.  There’s no acting diploma.  

Was it a school dedicated to acting like in Fame or whatever?  How many of these schools can there possibly be?  And that sounds like something that would cost a lot of money.  Somehow I don’t think that Horseface was going to some expensive private school.

Somebody leaves a comment, “Yeah, they all seem great. I’d give both nuts to hang out with them screenwave guys or their friends”.

I don’t even know what to say.

She keeps stopping what she’s saying, MID-SENTENCE, to recognise subscribers and followers and hype trains.  It’s TERRIBLE.  Then she forgets what she was talking about.

16:00 – “I love streaming.  I feel like you guys are my family, my friends — HI MAGICNINJA!!!”


“What do I have planned for today’s stream?  I don’t know.”

Oh really?  Because this seemed so well thought out so far.

16:45 – She says that it takes less than two hours to shoot a Hack the Movies video.  So…nothing gets edited out, apparently.  

18:00 – She says that she used to take notes while watching the movies as “research” but she doesn’t do that any more.  

What notes was she fucking taking?  Noting all of the hot chicks?

By the way, earlier in the video, Horseface was talking about mean people on the internet.  From the context, it seemed like she was talking about me.  Because who else is talking about Horseface?  

I take no pleasure in insulting Crystal.  “Horseface” is a very cruel name.  I saw somebody call her “Horseface” on Reddit and I felt a teeny bit bad for having started this.

But she’s awful.  She’s a horrible, horrible person.  Total narcissist.  

You look at somebody like Erin, and yeah, she’s using Mike to try to become famous on Youtube.  This was all calculated.  And that’s narcissistic behaviour.  She’s also a compulsive liar and this whole video game thing is a complete and total fraud.  

But outside of those things, I’m not aware of Erin doing anything particularly objectionable.  I’m not aware of her behaving in some kind of a psychotic or narcissistic fashion.  If you ignore the fake Youtube channel and the fake relationship with Mike, she just seems like a fairly shy woman who’s completely wasted her life.  It’s to be pitied.

But Horseface is terrible.  Every story she tells is her behaving in a terrible fashion.  Every interaction I see with her and another human being is terrible.  Everything is about hot chicks.  Everything is about how she is.  She’s constantly trying to get attention to herself.  It’s fucking terrible.  She’s terrible.  

So I don’t feel bad about it.  

21:00 – Horseface says that she moved from a house to an apartment.  Was this because of a relationship ending?  We don’t know.  She doesn’t talk about her relationships.  She wants to give the illusion that the horntards can have sex with her.

She mentions something called “Ladies on Tap” that she was involved with but I can’t find any information on it.

Also, she’s wearing a dress but her legs are…I don’t even want to get into it.  But she talked about how she sits like this at her job too.  Uh huh.

Oh, here we go.

24:00 – “The reason I moved is I was in a nine year relationship.  It wasn’t him or anything like that.  He’s a phenomenal person.”

Why would we assume that he’s the problem?  That guy must be completely deranged to spend nine years with Horseface.

And how come we’ve never heard anything about this guy before?  Because she likes to present herself as single so that the horntards think that they have a chance.

Also, when Newt was saying all of that creepy shit to Horseface, Horseface was in a long-term relationship.  When Newt STILL says creepy shit about Horseface, that she’s his muse and whatnot, Horseface was in a long-term relationship.

“I thought that we were going to get engaged.  We talked about kids and everything.”

No mention of this guy.  Ever.  And Newt was creeping on her hardcore.  I wonder why the relationship didn’t work out.

25:00 – “I realised that I have a lot of past trauma that I never worked out.”

That’s the reason she’s giving for the relationship ending.  I’d like to know the real reason.  I’d like to know why this guy finally decided that enough was enough.

Then she gives some new age spiritual bullshit about she can’t be a good wife or mother “If I’m not the best version of me.”  Fuck off.

“So I said, ‘I’m going to stop.  I need to work on myself'”.

Well, she might be on to something.  She does need to work on herself.  Get some humility.  Put some clothes on.  Stop constantly thinking about yourself.

This guy was in the marines.  Do you suppose that he has a “dad bod”?  Because Horseface recently said that she’s all about “dad bods”.  Probably not.

“He also has a lot of PTSD”.

I’ll bet.  But not from Afghanistan.  From dealing with this fucking lunatic for nine years.

26:00 – Horseface suggests that she’s the one who ended the relationship.  Uh huh.  I’d like to hear the real story.  Who is this guy?  I’d like to do a full sit down interview with him.

“I was always helping him and helping him out and I never felt that I could truly focus on me.”

Are you fucking kidding me?  HORSEFACE THINKS THAT SHE’S TOO SELFLESS!

She’s on another fucking planet.  She wants to be MORE self-obsessed?  How is it even possible?

Oh, somebody left a comment.  I almost missed this.  “Same here I took a vow to stay single, ever since a narcissist almost ruined my life for so many reasons”

The irony.

Then Tony from Hack the Movies enters the chat and Horseface…fuck.  I don’t even care.  There’s another two hours of this.  How am I going to do this?  I’ve already written way too much.  I can’t do a multi-part review of a Twitch video because the video will be nearly gone by the time I’m done.

32:15 – Oh.  Horseface says that she went to college.  That’s surprising.  

33:15 – Horseface is talking about improvements that she’s made in her life over the past many months and she says that she “got rid of some toxic people.”  TAKE THAT, NEWT WALLEN, YOU TOXIC, PLAGIARISING, PIECE OF SHIT!

She says that she was living in New York when she was with that guy for nine years and now she’s in New Jersey.  Too good for rural Pennsylvania?

34:00 – “Now I’m trying to find out who I am.”


35:00 – She had chickens at her previous residence and wanted to bring them to her apartment.  She asked the landlord if that was okay, and he said no.  Of course he said no.  He’s going let 14 fucking chickens live in the apartment?  Is she fucking retarded?

36:30 – “I want a farm one day.”

Insert your own joke here.  

She’s been talking endlessly about duck penises, by the way.  FUCK OFF!

42:30 – She’s talking about X-Files.  She’s a big X-Files fan.

Now the horntards are talking about anime and Horseface is pretending that she knows what they’re talking about.

51:00 – Horseface is telling a BORING story about how she used to work as somebody who gives oysters and vodka at…”live events”.  So when she said that she works at “live events” currently, this is the sort of thing that she’s talking about: being a sleazy shots girl.  

I’m done.  I have to skip around.  Maybe she’ll start talking about something more interesting.  Like gas prices.

1:43:00 – She’s eating a chunk of liverwurst.  What?  This is disgusting.  I’d expect this from an animal but not a human being.

That’s all that happened.  I skipped around some more but she was always talking about comic books or Godzilla or some boring nerd topic that the horntards suggested.  Then at the end of the stream, she threatens to stream again on Monday or Wednesday.

A chunk of liverwurst.  What the fuck was that?  

I don’t think that they sell that shit in the UK.  I’d eat it as a kid, though.  On sandwiches.  Not just straight from the fucking tube.  

I couldn’t eat that shit now, though.  Not now that I know what it is.  And I certainly wouldn’t just eat a chunk of it like it’s a hand fruit.

16 thoughts on “I'm Back!!!!!! – Horseface Returns to Twitch – Crystal Quin

  1. Love hearing the Goosebumps dubstep remix at 10x the sound of her voice every minute or so. I guess she didn't have time for adjusting audio after the two hours she spent plastering on make up she got from the Walgreens discount bin.Everytime some self-obsessed cunt uses the “best version of me” line I want to dunk them in a septic tank until they have a real epiphany. Most likely though they'd just choke to death on shit.

  2. She was with a guy for a decade and Newt spergs endlessly about her, about how she was his “muse” and he loved her and all this shit.Used to think Newt was tapping that ass but now I can't see how that's possible unless Horsey was cheating (I doubt it), which makes the whole thing even more pathetic. He simped after a girl for a decade who reciprocated absolutely no feelings. lol. lmao, even.Or maybe we're wrong and Newt isn't talking about My Horse & Me when he talks about his muse and the girl he loved. Maybe it's all a big misunderstanding.

  3. Yeah it's weird because at no point did she stop him in any HTM video where he would either imply or outright state how they dated in front of Tony. I distinctly remember an episode where they were talking about exes or some shit and of course Newt turns to her and they allude to past drama or something between them. There's always been this air of “yes we definitely dated and we're both lunatics so of course it didn't work out”. Regardless of any decade long relationship with someone else.So either she's an unfaithful slut or she let him delude himself into believing they had a thing for years somehow.

  4. At 1:03:00 she starts going into this story about this guy (I'm not watching the whole vid to know if it's the long term one you mentioned) and how she got to know him and she would cry around him and he would comfort her.Then she just says she straight up texted him “you wanna fuck?” and he apparently said yes, so they did. Then she says “I guess that pussy was so good!” and then implies they had their first date.Um yeah. So basically as I always suspected was her level of “game” (and this is something mostly only women can get away with doing) she acted like a nutjob (which she's very proud of being she mentions it in her profile caption on there, but nah, you're not “owning” it you're just a nutjob), then when he didn't flee at the sight she went home and thought “oh okay, I'll literally hand over my vagina to this guy because of that”. THEN after doing that she decides to date him like how a normal person would start with that step. I've never even known one woman I've dated (which is only a couple, I've been in a relationship for 12 great years now) who if I texted them before a first date “hey you want me to fuck the shit out of you tonight?” would have at all been cool with that level of advancement before even having had a first date with them.If any of this is to be believed at all! The way she retells half her stories seem sus as hell and exaggerated anyway. But if it is actually true, then you're basically saying you're a high maintenance basket case that throws her body at men to try entrapping them, and if it's to be believed she ended their relationship that's also laughable because you began it on a sleazy basis for a such solid one to begin with.The “one night stand spray and pray” strategy is like something a college frat fag would have as their primary dating tactic. You have to literally be willing to present yourself as an intellectual joke to publicly tell people “oh yeah no this is what I actually do guys. Hot right? Don't you wish it was you!”Also the fact Tony joined this stream is hilarious. You didn't seriously tune in to watch this right? Still holding out hope after that breakup eh buddy?

  5. I assumed that you were exaggerating when you said that Horseface texted this guy, “Do you want to fuck?” or that this was just some made up woman-hating bullshit. So I checked.No. That's really what she says. This guy was her boss at some comedy club, she was a receptionist or something and this was like her first job out of college. The guy would creep on her at work, hugging her and whatnot, and then one day she texted him saying, “Do you want to fuck” and he took her up on the offer. And she did indeed say, “Guess that pussy's that good.”It's completely despicable. She's a horrible person.

  6. No idea why you always give women the benefit of the doubt. How much more evidence do you need? Your very blog is an archive of said evidence. It's fine to make generalizations based on overwhelming statistical data, no matter what the media says.

  7. Haha no she said all this as you saw. I can understand being surprised even by her though considering how crazy the behavior is.Also interesting to note how much of a fucking fake feminist she is in all this. Like, at what point are the tenants of feminism on display anywhere in this sordid story of yours Horseface?You told everyone that you're a weakling that needed coddling, then you handed over sex to someone before dating them. At what point here are you a strong, intelligent, not trashy woman here?At no point should you be posting anything feminist on Twitter. You're clearly an embarrassment to your own sex and against equality. You want to be seen in the light you showed in that story. Actual women who fought for voting rights for example would look at you with disdain.And believe me, I know. I know how much you and married coworkers like Johanna you flirt with would laugh and lauuuuugh and roll your eyes and break your faces with smug certainty you're not a fraud, but see….the facts still speak for themselves and you indeed are a fraud. No amount of eye rolling or going “oh whatever” can help you escape your own admissions.Unless it's all made up. Then you'd just be a crazy liar.Take your pick. There is no third option :p

  8. Hey! Horseface here. I heard of this blog but never read any of it until tonight. It does bring me sadness that I come off as a narcissist to some people. I was made fun of for most of my life and never felt attractive until a few years ago. Maybe my excitement of feeling attractive is coming out on the stronger side. I’m trying to build my self esteem and confidence. Some things I can clear up…- I don’t get paid for Hack the Movies or anything I ever shot with Newt. I actually put in money for many of the projects Newt and myself made. I honestly do them because I have fun. I don’t make any money from any of this, except a small amount from Twitch when I stream. – I do have a full time job as a production manager at a venue. It’s my pure passion. I used to be a stage manager for Broadway and other professional shows. I used to do that “shot girl” kind of stuff and once in a blue moon I may pick up a gig again. The showgirl event I did was as a showgirl dancer for a birthday party. Not stripper, but more like party motivating and showing guests dance moves. – I like to support Johanna and Mint because they’re friends.- I am bi. – I have gotten A LOT of hate from the internet commenting on my appearance. It wasn’t just you. It’s been happening my whole life. Horseface is new, though. – I have also gotten a lot of hate from some people who think Newt left Hack the Movies because of me. – The Newt situation is a very personal situation. I met him 15 years ago and he was my first love. Unfortunately I was too young to see the emotional abuse he put me through. You see in that interview he mentioned about moving to Arizona. That is when I forced myself to move on. That’s a lot more to this story. Feel free to ask questions. – I may act silly on Hack the Movies because it’s my escape from reality. – Yes, I feel as if I have to defend myself because a lot in the comments because I want people to not have the wrong idea of me. I need to remember to eventually get over that, but at the moment it’s easier said than done. – I did date my ex for 9 years. I did end the relationship. He is still an extremely good friend and we talk often. – No, I was not sleeping with Newt when I was with my ex. He was aware of the situation. He was supposed to be my best friend.Yes, I did just talk about myself, but wanted to try and clear something’s up. If you have questions, ask me. I don’t l know where the hate came from, but if there’s something I can clear up, I will. You can DM me and I have no problem having a conversation.

  9. Alright well I guess you're not a grifter then. You said you weren't. Glad that's cleared up.You don't “support” Johanna and Mint because you're friends. You do it so you can all make money off nerds and because frankly you would have sex with both your “friends”. Mint alone might as well be a prostitute at this point. But you know, girl power and all that :pI can't remember the last time I made as many sexual comments towards my friends as you have over the years interacting with the two of them. In fact I don't remember ever sexualizing my friends….because they're my friends. Not someone I'm dating. I get it though. You can't control yourself. This is very often seen in bisexual people in fact. My own gf is bisexual. You however are the other type of bi. Basically you'll fuck anything with two legs. Possibly you're a nympho/prude (very common and ironic mix in narcissist women), but it's just really hilarious that you salivate over people either in movies or as your coworkers, and yet you staunchly and publicly are against having an onlyfans. Wouldn't want to debase yourself and make yourself look like a sex addict right? No, that would be silly lolI mean when it comes down to it, you're all talk apparently. A lot of talking. Like, good god have limits levels of talking. To the point I've seen how you circle youtube comment sections like a shark because you can't handle the slightest criticism from even random strangers.I say this with total confidence that you will eyeroll over it, but you still need to hear it. You need to massively get over yourself Crystal. You seem to think you have humility. You do not. You're like Donald Trump levels of deluded humility and self-analysis skills in a person. Please improve yourself. There's still time.

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