Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Random Dreamcast Games! (part 1 of 3)

Let’s get straight to work.  We’ve got over two hours of Erin playing Dreamcast games for the first time and last time in her life.  Unless she happens to stream any of these later, for money.

0:00 –

Erin: Hey guys!  Happy Eee- Saturday.  I almost said “Happy Friday”.  Well, it is technically Sunday.

Mike: I thought that you were going to say “Happy Easter”.  

Erin: It’s not Easter either.  I don’t know what time it is but I know it’s streaming time.

Mike: Happy Easter.

Erin: Aren’t I really good at Twitch intros?

Mike: Yeah.

Erin: Where’s the Easter Bunny, Mike?  Happy spring.  It’s summer.

Mike: I wonder if there’s going to be a bunny in one of the games we’re going to play.

Erin: I sure hope so.

Mike: Well, this game has a kangaroo.

Erin: That’s great.

Negative charisma.  And she wants absolutely nothing to do with any of this.

This is her “job”.  She has to humiliate herself at least once a week, doing this shit that she can’t stand, for the whole world to see.  For something like $100 a month.  Why bother?  Go apply for a job at Burger King and you can make that in a day.  At most, a day and a half.  Plus, you get a free meal every day.  Unless it’s a REALLY shit franchisee.  

0:45 – “Thank you, Decomposing Smurf for subscribing with Prime.  Thank you very much and I really like your username Decomposing…Smurf.  It’s good.”

She’s never watched an episode of the Smurfs in her life.  She couldn’t even remember the word, even though she read it seconds earlier.  The show was cancelled before she was born.

Then Erin talks about how she doesn’t like the name “Erin Plays” but that’s what she went with because she doesn’t have a shred of imagination, intellect, or sense of humour.  The story is awkward as fuck and goes nowhere.  Of course.

1:30 – 

Mike: Erin, are you going to play the new Shredder’s Revenge?  

Erin: Uhh…probably not any time soon.  

Mike: Why is that?

Erin: Because I have severe carpal tunnel that’s driving me absolutely insane and I can’t play beat em ups right now but it looks cool and I heard there’s a mall.  

What a way to start a stream.  First, the awkward as fuck intro.  Now straight into the lies.  

Erin won’t play the game because she’s not remotely interested in video games.  Just say it.  Nobody cares.  You don’t need the carpal tunnel farce.  Do videos where you talk about cute malls instead.  The horntards will still watch.  What is the fucking problem?  


Mike: So I have carpal tunnel too but it’s not nearly as bad as Erin’s.  Mine only flares up usually when I’m playing keyboard and mouse stuff.

Erin: Thank god yours isn’t as bad as mine.  You’d be, like, fucked.

Mike: And Erin’s is bad most of the time.

Erin: (smiling broadly) Yeah.  It’s really bad.

Yeah, Mike is going hard on the carpal tunnel lies too of late.  He mentioned it in this recent stream:

He’s playing some PC games with a fucking controller and he blames it on his imaginary carpal tunnel syndrome.

And he’s also encouraging Erin’s lies about carpal tunnel syndrome.

Why?  Why is any of this happening?  Has Mike just started genuinely believing it because of Erin persistently continuing this lie?  And now it’s to the point where he even believes that he has carpal tunnel syndrome?

If these people have carpal tunnel syndrome, go get the surgery.  Especially Erin since she’s allegedly suffering from this all day, every day.  Why be in agony all day, every day?  There are surgeries.  And Mike has the money.  Go fucking pay for it.

I just looked it up.  The average cost for carpal tunnel surgery in the US is $7,000 per hand.  That’s peanuts for a guy like Mike.  What’s the problem?  This is your sugar baby.  Pay for the fucking surgery.  You’re getting unlimited butt sex out of this arrangement.  It’s the least you can do.  

Nobody is getting the surgery because it’s all 100 percent made up bullshit.

2:30 – Mike asks Erin if she ever saw that clip of Gamera spinning around a horizontal pole.  Erin has no fucking clue what he’s talking about but she pretends that she does.

Oh, Mike is playing the game, by the way.  You know…because of Erin’s fake carpal tunnel syndrome.

4:00 – Erin asks the horntards if they had Kao.  And this is right after Mike saying, correctly, that it’s a little-known game.  Erin doesn’t have a fucking clue.

Then Mike mocks Erin’s stupidity and complete lack of charisma.

4:30 – “Have I watched Captain Kangaroo?  I’ve heard of it.  Never have seen an episode of it.”

You don’t say.  I think that the man was dead by the time Erin was born.  Wait…no.  Because I remember when he died.  I never saw an episode either.  It was before my time.  But I remember hearing about his death.  This was probably…1993?  Let me check.

I was way off.  It was 2004.  But the show ended in 1984 and I don’t even know if it was shown in the whole country.  

4:45 – So speaking of shows that were before my time, Mike, who’s two years younger than me, chimes in.  “It would be on tv a little bit in reruns and whatnot when I was a kid and I didn’t really watch it either.”

Uh huh.  1984.  Mike was born in 1980.  Is it possible that it was then shown in reruns?  Yes.  They did that with Mr Roger’s Neighborhood.  But somehow it totally passed me by.  Different PBS affiliates had different schedules so maybe they showed this in whatever market Mike was in.  But I have my doubts.

Mike: I did catch some Bozo here and there.

Erin: See, that was regional.

Holy shit.  Erin actually made a factual and relevant comment.  Is it possible that she knows something about Bozo?  

“So I didn’t grow up with Bozo.  I wouldn’t have liked it anyway.”

First of all, there was a California-based Bozo.  But yeah, she wouldn’t have liked it.  She wouldn’t have been allowed to watch it.  Her parents just sat her in front of a wall every day.

5:00 – Erin is reading from the chat.  

Erin: This game’s on Switch.

Mike: Is it?

Erin: I don’t know.  I mean, it would make sense.

Why would it make sense?  This is a 3-d platformer from 20+ years ago for the Dreamcast.  What the fuck.  Let’s just move on.

Oh, Mike calls her out.

Mike: It would?

Erin: I don’t know.  It’s just the way shit’s going.  Wouldn’t you imagine this is on Switch in 2022?

Mike: A re-master or re-release?

Erin: Yeah.

Fucking moron.

Oh we’re only at five minutes and it’s already gone on too long.  Hopefully, Erin stops saying stupid shit so we can make some progress.

6:15 – Erin starts talking about Huell Howser.  Whoever that is.  Some guy who had a tv show in California, I guess.  Mike doesn’t give the slightest of fucks.  He can’t even pretend to care.

Erin does the same thing to Mike whenever he’s talking about something.  What amazing chemistry these two have.

7:00 – “Have I learned about East Coast things?  I’ve learned about Wawa.”

She’s totally wasted her life.  What is she doing every day?  She has no job and Mike has money.  She can do whatever she wants.  Instead of going out and seeing stuff, she’s just crying in the bathtub every day.

What would I do if I lived in rural Pennsylvania?  Check out some Amish country.  I think that there’s a lot of antique shit.  Erin mentioned her fondness for antiques in this very video.  I’d try the local cuisine.  I like those big German pretzels.  Those seem to be popular there.  And sausages.  Bratwurst and whatnot.  Covered bridges?  Are there covered bridges in rural Pennsylvania?  I’m not sure.

But I’d make the most of it.  I’d enjoy everything that rural Pennsylvania has to offer.  Not Erin.  The lure of the bathtub is too strong.

Then Erin gives a bizarre account of how people in Los Angeles are more friendly than people in rural Pennsylvania.  The example she gives is people in stores in Los Angeles will say “hi” as you enter the store but they don’t say this at Wawa.

Go fucking do something else.  See the rest of the region.  There’s more to rural Pennsylvania than a chain of gas stations.

10:15 – Then Mike just turns the game off.

So let’s stop here.  I got ten minutes of this.  This should be about a 14 part series.  

Parts 2 and 3:

5 thoughts on “Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Random Dreamcast Games! (part 1 of 3)

  1. Starting to get pretty funny waiting for Mike to break and call her out on stuff. He barely used to do it and now it feels like its every collab they do lol. I wonder what it's like off camera though. Like they have this recorded and they're done, and then what? I would assume Mike goes back to his room and starts doing his own stream or planning future content. Is that when…she has to go out to Wawa and hang out with employees of Wawa for a few hours and bring back coffee daily? Where is the french maid outfit she's forced to wear the other 18 hours of the day Mike? What exactly is the bizarre dynamic of how you two live together? Who mows the lawn? Who replaces the air filter on the HVAC? When is the last time Erin used a screwdriver on anything in that house? Has Erin ever scrubbed a shower or toilet?

  2. Yeah, I have noticed Mike calling her out lately. It was so awkward when he would pretend that Erin was at all interested in video games. Now it seems that he's publicly accepted that it's a farce.Maybe Mike and Erin have a cleaner who comes in once a week or something. Because I can't imagine either of them doing much housework. But I also don't imagine that they'd be happy having a cleaner coming in and rummaging through their “valuable” stuff. Maybe they just live in filth.

  3. I've come to believe that what you call a 'farce' is the default state of being for most people nowadays. The people watching the streams are just part of the parasocial hyperfarce. I think that was the title for one of the Turtles games. Erin probably never played it on account of carpal tunnel, and being birthed in a test tube at age 28.

  4. Do you think Mike ever fell for Erin's faux gamergirl schtick or did he always just use her as a ten inch fleshlight?

  5. Mike had to have known that Erin was a fraud from the start. I've seen the early videos. It's obvious that she doesn't know anything about this shit.

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