PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE….With Puppets – Newt Wallen

0:00 – Oh great.  It’s Newt Wallen with the nerd who made these puppets in front of a greenscreen.

This is Newt’s idea of a movie.  All you need is a greenscreen,  a script full of ideas stolen from elsewhere, tits, and gore.  

0:15 – “I have the Ed Wood puppet because I am just as talented as the puppet of what many call the worst filmmaker of all time.”

At first I thought that Newt was giving himself way too much credit by comparing himself to Ed Wood, somebody who made actual movies, with an original script and sets and actors and the whole thing.  

But then I realised that he’s actually comparing his talents to that of the puppet.  So…yeah, they’re pretty similar, I guess.

0:30 – This nerd said that he made six or seven puppets since Newt placed the order a month ago.  How good can they be in that short span of time?  I don’t know.  Maybe this guy is a skilled puppet artisan with many years in the trade and can crank out high quality puppets in a short time frame.

1:00 – “Plan 9 From Outer Space is one of my favourite movies of all time and we said, ‘Nobody’s done this.'”

Not only has there been a remake of Plan 9 From Outer Space, starring Newt’s best friend Mr Lobo and Newt’s former “boss” (of sorts) James Rolfe, but there was also a PUPPET REMAKE of the movie.  It’s called Plan 9.1 from Outer Space.  Not to be confused with the (very) amateur remake of the same name, which can be found here:

Here’s the trailer of the actual Plan 9.1 From Outer Space:

But these are wooden puppets.  Maybe Newt meant that this is the first Plan 9 From Outer Space remake with FELT-BASED puppets.  

This WOODEN puppet remake was 20 minutes long.  That’s sensible.  I really hope that Newt isn’t planning to make a feature length remake because the novelty will wear off long before 90 minutes.  

This wooden puppet remake has a score of 4/10 on IMDB.  

1:15 – This nerd says that each puppet takes three days to make.  How much is Newt paying this guy?  He’s worked about 21 days on these seven puppets.  He’s a skilled craftsman.  He’s an artist.  Plus, there’s the cost of the material.  

This has to cost a fortune, right?  I would expect an artist with a very specialised skill like this to charge at least $40/hour.  Absolute minimum.  It’s what you would pay for a carpenter.  This guy is doing something much more specialised than carpentry, plus there’s the artistic nature of the work.

Let’s say that he works eight hours a day.  That’s 8 hours times 21 days…that’s 168, times $40…$6720.  That looks about right.  As a minimum.  Plus the cost of the materials.  I don’t know what that would be.  Let’s just say $280 so that we can round up to $7000.

And this guy isn’t even done.  He’s only made half of the puppets so far.  So this is going to cost Newt something in the region of $14,000 when this is all done.

Or at least it should.  It may be that Newt is paying this nerd NOTHING.  He’s paying in exposure.  Twenty men in dresses will see this movie.  Is that worth two months of your life, plus the cost of the materials?  

2:00 – “This is the one.  This is the one I’ll be remembered for.”

That was Newt talking and he made the puppet’s mouth move.  Newt seems to have this bizarre obsession with “leaving a legacy”.  So he’s just throwing a bunch of shit together, last minute?  What kind of legacy is that?  

Newt knows that there’s been a Plan 9 From Outer Space remake.  It starred his friend and his former “boss”.  Was that film a success?  It was directed, produced, and written by John Johnson.  You guys all know John Johnson, right?  The big Hollywood director/producer/writer?  

No.  The guy doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page.  Not noteworthy.  The film was released in 2015.  Maybe he just hasn’t got his big break yet.  

But we all know about the Plan 9 From Outer Space remake, right?  It has a cult following.  No?  Oh.

What a legacy for John Johnson.  

What about the wooden puppet remake?  That was directed, produced, written, and starring Ernie Fosselius.  He actually has a Wikipedia page.

He’s most well known for making a spoof Star Wars short film in 1978.

Oh, and look at this.  He also worked with Mr Lobo.  

“Fosselius directed the Eegah episode of Cinema Insomnia with Mr. Lobo.”

There is absolutely NO WAY that Newt doesn’t know about this puppet remake of Plan 9 From Outer Space.  It’s on the fucking Wikipedia page for Plan 9 From Outer Space under the “remakes” section.  Did Newt not check this beforehand?  

It’s completely ridiculous.  Why didn’t he just make a puppet remake of a DIFFERENT public domain film?  One that doesn’t already have a puppet remake?  That would be the absolute minimum.  Ideally, create something WHOLLY ORIGINAL.  

There’s no fucking budget.  No actors.  No set.  Newt has never made a film worth watching.  He’s not a director.  He’s not a writer.  He’s not a producer.  How is this possibly going to be a success?  That gay nerd who made the puppets better be the best puppeteer the world has ever seen.  He needs to be Jim Henson, Frank Oz, and Shari Lewis rolled into one in order for this project to have any prospect of success whatsoever.

3 thoughts on “PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE….With Puppets – Newt Wallen

  1. Newt should have redlettermedia review even one of his films, very publicly on their channel, and it might be enough for him to finally hang it up in shame after he is flooded with negative feedback and objective ridicule.But he's very committed to shit. So probably not.

  2. Good god his most recent upload is even worse than this one and nonsensical as to why it was filmed. The guy is such a cringe factory seeking undeserved encouragement and patronization. It's so sad.

  3. Oh yeah. That “Ladies of Schlock and Awe” or whatever. I turned it off after about a minute but I'll have to do an article on that one. It's constant praise and validation that he wants. It's painful.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *