No Holds Barred is Ridiculous! – Talking About Tapes – Tony from Hack the Movies

Without even starting the video, this is an ad.  It’s an ad for a video game about wrestling.  The guy who’s profiting off of this game (I don’t know if he made the game or is the publisher or what) does a lot of promotion for this game.  

I won’t mention the title of the game, so as not to give him any more publicity, but John Riggs has done numerous videos about this game, all advertisements.  John Riggs also appears in the crowd in this game.  This was all part of getting “Youtubers” to promote this fucking game.  

The developers are so fucking desperate that they even put Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” Cristal in the game.  She’s on a ring mat logo along with her husband.  She has like 2000 subscribers.  

John Riggs said that the original plan for this game was to use Youtubers as the actual wrestlers.  So you would have been able to play as John Riggs and JonTron and whatever other loser Youtubers they could have scraped up.

So this shows that the game was entirely designed for promotion.  Just get a bunch of “gaming” Youtubers, no matter how little-known they are, put them in the game, they’ll promote the game on their shitty channels, and it will be a license to print money.

Instead, the developers were able to secure the rights to put little-known wrestlers in the game, so that’s what they ended up doing.  But they still heavily promote this game using retro “gaming” Youtubers.

Which brings us to this video.  They’re so desperate to promote this game that they’re even appearing on Hack the Movies.  It’s the guy profiting from this game and The Blue Meanie.  I also saw some videos where Colt Cabana was playing the game with some loser Youtubers who I never heard of.  So there’s no bottom for these people.  They will appear on any channel to promote this game.  

0:15 – Awkward as fuck intro.  Tony is trying to be funny.  The Blue Meanie is trying to be funny.  And they’re both failing.  They’re failing so hard that I won’t even transcribe it.  

By the way, Tony knows nothing about wrestling.  But he pretends to.  As does Kieran.  I’m talking specifically about wrestling from the 1990s.  They were too young to watch this shit.  They were born in like 1988.  

As for The Blue Meanie, I don’t even know who it is and I was watching wrestling at the time.  I know the name, of course, and I’ve seen him before but I wasn’t watching ECW.  I don’t even know how I could have been.  It was on late at night, on some obscure channel, in infomercial form.  I watched it whenever I could find it and stay up that late because there was always a scene of a large breasted Asian woman wearing a towel but…is this the only way that the show aired?  As these late night infomercials?  Maybe there was an actual show in certain markets and I just wasn’t in such a market.

2:00 – Shout out to John Riggs.  That was the first “Youtuber” this guy mentioned as being in the game.  John Riggs is actually the biggest “Youtuber” in the game.  I mean by popularity, not by weight, but probably by weight too.

This is brutal.  I’m at 7 minutes and Tony just keeps talking about himself and his appearance in some Batman movie.  And The Blue Meanie, in turn, also keeps talking about himself and various things that he’s been in.  At least Blue Meanie is the guest and has more interesting stories.

16:30 – Now Tony is saying that he wants to work with more wrestlers.  He says that he put New Jack (some scumbag wrestler who died recently) in some shitty little “movie” that he made.  Or something.  Nobody fucking cares.  This is embarrassing.  

20:30 – Tony doesn’t know that Hogan’s finisher in Japan was a clothesline.  The axe bomber.  

Now, I’m not the biggest wrestling fan by any means but even I know this.  And I know the backstory.  Hogan accidentally knocked some guy out with it so this became his finisher.  Who was it who he knocked out?  I can’t remember.  Antonio Inoki?  Let me look this up.

I don’t know.  Maybe.  I can’t find a definitive source.

21:00 – Then Tony suggests that people should watch Hogan’s matches in Japan because Hogan wrestled more technical matches in Japan.  Like this is fucking news to anyone.  He’s talking to a professional wrestler, who’s 15 years older than him, and has been a lifelong wrestling enthusiast.  He fucking knows that Hogan wrestled a more technical style in Japan.  We all know it.  I know it.  

30:30 – “He’s literally hulking out.”

This is an actual quote from Tony.  And Blue Meanie just awkwardly says, “yeah”, not wanting to correct Tony.  “Hulking up”, by the way.  It’s always been “hulking up”.  “Hulking out” has never been a thing.  

I’ve neglected to post my article where Tony and Kieran discuss some shitty wrestling movie because my article was terrible and I couldn’t even watch five minutes of their video.  But it’s here:

Tony referenced this stupid video that they did in this thing he’s doing here with The Blue Meanie.  

From what little I saw of this Undertaker “review”, neither Kieran nor Tony know jack shit about wrestling from the 1990s.  I don’t blame them for this.  I’m ten years older than them and I know very little about wrestling from the 1980s.  I was too young, just like they were too young to remember much from the 1990s.

But then why pretend?  Why embarrass yourself?  “Remember when Hulk Hogan used to hulk out in Olive Japan Wrestling against The Mysterious Kagura?  It reminds me of the time when I was making Mummy Cop and one of my hobo actors soiled himself.”  

This is bad.  It’s really bad.  

I’m done.  I can’t.  I made it to 36 minutes.  That’s better than I usually do for these dreadful Talking About Tapes.  

Well, at least Crystal wasn’t in this one.  So there’s that.  

And I was shitting on this guy who’s constantly promoting this game but he didn’t say much during this thing.  That’s a positive.  We’re not here to listen to him and he knows that.  

What we’re also not here for is to listen to Tony constantly promote himself.  It’s just so awkward.  

Anyway, if you want to play a good wrestling game, you should get Fire Pro Wrestling World.  I’ve been playing Fire Pro games ever since I first discovered Fire Pro Wrestling X Premium via emulation.  It was a Super Famicom game.  This must have been shortly after I got the internet so…1997 or 1998, I guess.  

Then I got fucking all of them.  All of the Fire Pro games for the 16 bit consoles.  There were like five of them for Super Famicom, there were some for PC Engine.  Those were okay but the only one worth playing in 1997/1998 was Super Fire Pro Wrestling X Premium.

Holy shit.  It’s crazy to think that that game was pretty current when I was playing it.  The game was released in 1996.

Then years later, I bought a Dreamcast solely to play Fire Pro Wrestling D.  I had to get a boot CD too because it was an import game.  I must have spent thousands of hours on that game.

Then I just started collecting everything.  I got Fire Pro Wrestling G for the PlayStation and Fire Pro Wrestling: 6 Men Scramble for the Saturn.  I didn’t even have a Saturn or any way to play imports on my PlayStation but I played these games on emulators.

I also tried to get every game I could in rom form.  Fire Pro Wrestling G and 6 Men Scramble were hard to find because this was in dialup days and CD’s were huge files, so that’s why I bought the actual games.  But I managed to track down fucking everything.  I got the fucking WonderSwan game and I don’t even know what a WonderSwan is.  But I managed to get it running on an emulator.  I also got the GBA games, both the Japanese and North American versions, because they’re different.

Oh, and I bought actual copies of the North American GBA games too.  It was somewhat of an ordeal tracking those down.  This must have been in like 2007 or so.

Then I got a PlayStation 2 just so that I could play Fire Pro Wrestling Returns.  This was also probably around 2007.  I got Fire Pro Wrestling Z too, even though I knew it was an inferior game.  I was just obsessed with the games.  I spent thousands of hours on Fire Pro Wrestling Returns too.

But yeah, I got fucking everything.  Except the weird mobile phone games.  There’s very little information about them.  I don’t think that I’m missing anything.

And I don’t even play the game.  I don’t like the game.  But I “sim” matches where the computer controls both characters.  It’s like playing with dolls.  This is the appeal.  And this is how most people in the uber nerdy Fire Pro community “play” the game.  

So yeah.  Check out Fire Pro Wrestling World if you want to join the autistic nerd fun.

By the way, Johanna is wearing a Mothra t-shirt in a recent (unwatchable) Talking About Tapes.  As here:

It reminded me of the banner art.  That’s supposed to be Johanna in the Godzilla t-shirt.  The artist was really charitable in the depiction.  That’s Johanna after she lost 50 pounds.

Anyway, maybe I told this story already, but I initially wanted the drawing to have Johanna in a Mothra t-shirt but the artist had a phobia of moths so wouldn’t do it.  So I said, “What about Godzilla then?” and she was okay with that.  

2 thoughts on “No Holds Barred is Ridiculous! – Talking About Tapes – Tony from Hack the Movies

  1. Tony's obsession with wrestling and the fact he knows so much “canon” from at least late 90s wrestling (I agree, he's too young to honestly know shit about Wrestlemania era stuff) is eyeroll worthy at this point. It gets even worse when he gets together with Kieran to be gay about it all.He would get a lot more views if he focused on having Justin Silverman on more often. The guy is a proper nerd and like a database of movie shit and pop culture compared to Tony, and his comedic timing actually exists.But no, he focuses more on the wrestling stuff and then goes “you don't have to watch it!” to deflect when he gets self conscious enough lol. Cycle continues.

  2. I assume you mean Attitude Era. I don't know why they don't just talk about wrestling from the 2000s, when they were actually old enough to be watching this stuff. I guess because this was the PG Era and wrestling wasn't popular but…this is when he was actually watching. When he tries to make up wrestling knowledge, we see how it goes.And yeah, Justin is good on these things. But for obvious reasons, we keep getting Crystal Quin and Johanna.

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