Escape The Undertaker is Interactive! – Tony from Hack The Movies

Hey guys!  Remember wrestling?

I do remember wrestling.  But why does Kieran seem to like wrestlers from “the 90s”?  This is my era and I’m ten years older than him.  It would be like me droning on about 80s wrestling.  I don’t remember anything about it.  I wasn’t even old enough to form memories for the first half of the decade.

I remember seeing a match with Hillbilly Jim at a friend’s house.  I remember watching WWF Superstars.  And that’s it.  Those are my two memories of 1980s wrestling.  

Somehow Kieran has taken the 1990s equivalent of that and ran with it.  

Conversely, I know loads of shit about 1990s wrestling.  I was watching that shit from 1990 to about 1998 so I have most of the decade covered.  And I remember loads of it.  I saw some Pay Per Views.  Bastion Booger was my favourite wrestler when he had that brief run in early 1990s WWF.  I remember how much I hated the Undertaker because I found the gimmick offensive.  I remember the Monday Night Wars.  I remember watching weird ECW infomercial type things late at night.  I remember how shit the WWF became and then how shit WCW became and then just not watching wrestling any more.

I can talk about 1990s wrestling for days.  But 1980s wrestling?  No.  That Hillbilly Jim match and squash matches on WWF Superstars.  

Maybe Kieran was watching this 1990s stuff on tape or something.  He was a tape trader as a 10 year old.

And hey guys!  Remember Choose Your Own Adventure books?  

I do remember Choose Your Own Adventure books.  I had a bunch of them as a kid.  But this is from the 80s.  So Kieran and Tony, both born in about 1990, should have no memory at all of this innovative series of books.  

I’d go to the bookstore and immediately check out the Choose Your Own Adventure section.  They were numbered, which helped.  I’d always look for early numbers, perhaps subconsciously knowing that the series got worse as it went on.  I remember liking The Cave of Time the best.  That was the first book.  

But yeah, certainly by the 100 number books, it was not good.  They farmed the work out to third-tier writers who had to crank a new book out every week or whatever.  And it showed.  They started having titles like You’re A Shark and You’re a Millionaire.  Fuck off with this unimaginative shit.  

I was going to make an Erin Plays Choose Your Own Adventure type book/game but it got complicated.  You have to know what you’re doing.  Study the flow charts of successful Choose Your Own Adventure books.  Because the pacing has to be right and the options have work.

You can just have two options that lead down two different paths, and amateur writers have written in such a fashion, but it becomes exponentially bigger as you go on.  You’ll start with 2 paths and then that becomes 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256.  So with only eight choices, you already have to come up with 256 endings.  That’s not good.  Nobody wants to read a book with 256 endings, especially about something as inconsequential as Erin.  

The Choose Your Own Adventure books would have multiple paths converge into the same path and some paths were longer than others and it was a whole thing.  

So on to the video.  “Only” 50 minutes.

What the fuck is this?  Kieran is wearing a mask.  Another thumbs down from me.  Right off the bat.  I was number 44 this time.

0:45 – Tony says that he gets angry comments “Whenever there’s somebody with a mask on the show”.  Well, when does that happen?  This is the first time I’m seeing this.  Why is Kieran wearing a fucking mask?  He doesn’t do this on the Cinemassacre Podcast and that’s with known autistic germaphobe Jimmy Rolfe.  

Then Tony says, “The place we’re at requires it.”  What place?  Screenwave Media?  So why does nobody else who appears on this show wear a mask?  Why is Tony not wearing a mask?  There’s a company policy that expressly says that Kieran must wear a mask when appearing on Talking About Tapes?  Then why hasn’t he done this before?  He’s been on the show before.  No mask.

Oh.  Instead of writing all of that, I could have just copied and pasted this guy’s comment:

– “Yeah they’re really required Tony. That’s why you’ve not been wearing them in the last 80+ videos right?You’re so full of sh*t that your middle name should be septic.”

Tony explains the mask in another comment.  Kieran just returned from Too Many Games and “wanted to be safe”.  Tony was also there and apparently didn’t care about safety.  Or this alleged policy.  

But yeah, that’s…that’s stupid.  I’ll just leave it there.

2:15 – Kieran says that he first got into wrestling in 1990.  What?  Let me check IMDB.  Maybe it gives his date of birth.

It does not but I found information that says that he graduated from university in 2010.  So yeah.  He would have been about 22 years old in 2010, assuming he graduated at the normal age…that makes his year of birth 1988.

So he was watching wrestling as a two year old.  That’s what he wants us to believe?  And he has memories of this?  He was watching the Ronnie Garvin and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine feud with a giant load in his diapers?  

It’s ridiculous.  I wish that I could leave more than one thumbs down on a video.

You know what?  I’m done.  Thank god that I filibustered for the first twenty paragraphs or so, otherwise this would be a really short review.  I didn’t even make it into the actual movie discussion.  I just can’t.  Listening to this wrestling talk…they don’t remember anything (obviously, being two years old at the time) and it’s just bad.  Even if they could remember, who cares?  I don’t care about the 1990 Survivor Series or whatever they’re stumbling their way through.  

It would be like me talking about wrestling from 1980.  I have NO IDEA what was going on in the world of wrestling in 1980.  Let me DuckDuckGo this shit.

Bruno Sammartino defeated Larry Zbyszko in a steel cage match.  

Hey guys!  Remember Bruno Sammartino?  NO.  He retired long before I started watching wrestling.  And I only know Larry Zbyszko from his announcing days on WCW.

The tag team of the year was Jimmy Snuka and Ray Stevens.  I’ve never seen a Jimmy Snuka match, but I know who he is and I’ve never even heard of Ray Stevens.

Mr Wrestling II was the most popular wrestler.  Never heard of him.

I should do a podcast on 1980 wrestling.  See how well that goes.

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